CREATING STRONG BONDS
IN MARRIAGE
The Family Crisis:
Contemporary Issues
Rev. Can. Dr. John and Dr. Ruth Senyonyi
Marriage and Family Seminar
GAFCON, NAIROBI, KENYA
OCTOBER 2013
MODERN MARRIAGE
MATRIMONY
ACRIMONY
AND ALIMONY
What is Crisis?

Crisis- situation or period in
which things are very uncertain,
difficult, or painful, especially a
time when action must be taken
to avoid complete disaster or
breakdown.

Question? What are some of the
challenges facing the family in
the contemporary world?
Challenges of the modern
family….
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Secularism
Women Empowerment
Vocational challenges
No recreational part (not fun)
Tolerance – Co habitation,
Divorce, separation, Pre &
Extra marital sex,
Cheap grace vs. costly
grace
Challenges of the Modern
Family
7. Not wanting children
( shunning responsibility)
8. Couple isolation
9. Parenting adolescents in the
information explosion era
10. Inter-faith /inter-racial
marriages
11. Balancing family and work
SECULARISM




World order opposed to
Christ.
Anti -Christian way of life and
thinking.
How would you characterize
secularism?
What is its influence on the
family?
WOMEN
EMPOWERMENT



Independence from man
(husband)
Promotion of ability to live
alone and manage own life
without a man.
Rejection of team work and
promotion of individualism
Vocational challenges





Competition
Pursuing a vocation at the
detriment of family
Distance /separation due to
work or career development
Nocturnal/ weekend/monthly
marriages.
Vocational friendships
WORLDLY PRESSURES
AND WAYS OF
WORKING/LIVING






Cohabitation /Partners
Divorce /Separation
Loss of virginity at a young
age
Pre marital sex in courtship
Civil marriages ( gives room
for divorce)
Extra marital affairs – no
patience to work out conflicts
Parenting factors



What are the new challenges
of parenting in the global
village?
What are the children
contending with? – social
network, fashion, global
cultures
How are parents responding
to the challenges?
How do you work with an
adolescent ?



Establish a good and loving
relationship with your
child/Be genuinely interested
in their lives
Take time to KNOW your child
Developmentally – each stage
is unique and needs different
techniques , wisdom and
patience
Likes and dislikes
Good relationship




School activities (Teachers
names, peers, close friends, their
names, subject he enjoys, where
he sleeps, class no. )
Home activities
Closeness – quality & quantity –
Thanksgiving, eat out,
Be accessible
Talk about the Pressures






Biological Changes 
Academic work
Relationships (peers,
opposite sex,
teachers)
Media/ Technology 
(phone, TV, Face
book, pornography) 

Drugs & Alcohol

Sibling rivalry
Sexuality – (sexual
intercourse,
masturbation,
homosexuality,
pregnancy)
Maturity
demonstration
Peer pressure
Curiosity
HIV/AIDS
Security



Sense of belonging – photos,
birthdays, own bed, certificate
displays.
Capable – affirmation
Believe in them – gives them
confidence – give them a
chance to make decisions
Teach life skills


Time management, Self
development, self esteem,
communication, social
etiquette, decision making,
solving problems , Integrity ,
self control, taking initiative,
stress management,
discipline
Discipline them appropriately
What to do…


Be democratic – listen and
allow for discussion – round
table discussion
Communicate love and
understanding (I love you,touch, voice, words, special
times)
Acceptance




As a person of worth
(Matthew 18:5) , Jer. 17:9
On the basis of what he is not
what he does
In his/her individuality – has
unique needs, skills, abilities
With expressions of
appreciation and approval
COUPLES LIVING
TOGETHER BUT MILES
APART.
The Three-Legged Race
Open Heart Surgery to
exchange hearts
Spouse Relationship
 Honesty
/Trust foundation
 Respect & Mutual Appreciation
 Conflict Resolution
 Mutual support in developing
uniqueness , talents & interests.
 Team mate / same side
 Supportive / affirmation
 Sexual delight
 Romance (Song of Songs)
ISOLATION: Definition




Condition of being alone,
separated, solitary, set apart,
segregation, seclusion,
exclusion.
A feeling of distance, a lack of
closeness and intimacy.
A miserable, lonely married
person.
“They live together but really
alone.” Keith Green
The small foxes
Catch for us the small
foxes that may ruin our
vineyards which are in
blossom.
 Those small things that
bring havoc and chaos to
the blooming relationship
making it difficult to enjoy
our marital oneness.

Catch the small
foxes…
That ruin the
Vineyards in Bloom
Couples living together but
miles apart
 What
is it that
brings isolation into
marriage?
 What are the small
foxes?
 What is the remedy?
The small foxes….
LACK OF OPENNESS & TRUST
& SECURITY
 POOR COMMUNICATION
 UNRESOLVED ANGER
 WRONGDOING
 MISSING INTIMACY &
ROMANCE
 TOO BUSY/Challenges of
modernity
 MONEY
 POOR PARENTING SKILLS

Romance /Recreation





Dating your spouse … what
does it involve?
Time is quality relationship
Shared hobbies
Creating memories
Fun together: What can you
do?
Balancing Family and work
MY WORK LIFE
Upcountry
Abroad
Technology
Stress
Chemistry with
workmates
ME
Career
Development
Training
Pressure
Deadlines
Promotions
Demotions
My Very Busy Personal Life
Nuclear
Family
(Spouse &
Children)
Religion
Social Life &
Community
School
ME
Business
Extended
Family &
Relatives
Leisure
Exercise
(fitness)
BALANCING WORK AND
PERSONAL LIFE
 Is there a work-life balance
in your extremely busy life?

How much is work invading
your personal life?

How much of your personal
life is affected by the stress
of trying to balance all the
many responsibilities in
your life?
WORK –LIFE BALANCE QUIZ
Directions: Answer true of false to each statement below.
1. I find myself spending more and more time on work-related projects.
2. I often feel I do not have any time for myself- or for my family and friends.
3. No matter what I do it seems that often every minute of every day is always scheduled for
something.
4. Sometimes I feel as though I’ve lost sight of who I am and why I chose this job/career.
5. I cannot remember the last time I was able to find the time to take a day off to do something funsomething just for me.
6. I feel stressed most of the time.
7. I cannot even remember the last time I used all my alloted vacation and personal days.
WORK –LIFE BALANCE QUIZ
8. It sometimes feels as though I never even have a chance to catch my breath before I have to
move on to the next project/crisis.
9. I cannot remember the last time I read and finished a book I was reading purely for pleasure.
10. I wish I had more time for some outside interests and hobbies but I simply don’t.
11. I often feel exhausted- even early in the week.
12. I cannot remember the last time I went to the movies or visited a museum or attended some
cultural event.
13. I do what I do because so many people (children, partners, parents) depend on me for support.
14.I have missed many of my family’s important events because of work related time pressures and
responsibilities.
15. I almost always bring work home with me.
QUIZ SCORING
0-2 : Your life is in pretty good balance. Just be sure
to do what you can to guard that balance.
3-5 : Your work/life balance is teetering on the edge;
now is the time to make changes before the problems
overwhelm you.
5+ : Your life is out of balance; you need to take
immediate action to make changes in your work and
your life before things start crashing around you.
Effects of a life out of balance

Fatigue - feeling constantly
tired and weary.

Stress

Unhealthy body – a fast pace
life affects diet and foods eaten.

Dysfunctional Relationships –
Lack of quality & quantity time.
Can lead to neglect and
unfaithfulness
TIPS TO HARMONIZING WORK
& PERSONAL LIFE
Harmonizing tips
 Review
goals
 Manage Time
 Communicate clearly
 Avoid procrastination
 Plan
 Schedule
Harmonizing tips
 Delegate
 Manage
stress
 Improve work/job life
 Make your home
pleasant.
 Get help.
Questions?
Comments?
Lessons learnt?