AVOIDING WORDINESS!
Material from the Bedford Handbook
What is a wordy sentence?
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A long sentence is not necessarily wordy.
A short sentence is not necessarily concise.
“A sentence is wordy if it can be tightened
without loss of meaning”
(Bedford handbook, p.206)
Eliminate Redundancies
Redundancies are important in speech, but
distracting in writing.
 “Twenty-somethings are often thought of or
stereotyped as apathetic.”
 “Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation
center working as a registered physical therapist”
 “Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name on a
napkin”
 “Joel was determined in his mind to lose weight.”
Avoid unnecessary repetition of words
Repetition can add unity and emphasis (e.g., for
parallelism), but unnecessary repetition is
awkward:
 “Our fifth patient, in room 6, is a mentally ill
patient.”
 “The best teachers help each student to become a
better student both academically and emotionally.”
Cut out empty and inflated phrases!
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An “empty” phrase is one that can be eliminated
with little or no loss of meaning (e.g., “in my
opinion” and “it seems that”).
An “inflated” phrase is a long phrase that can just
as easily be stated in 1-2 words.
Examples of inflated phrases
Inflated
Concise
Along the lines of/in the nature of
As a matter of fact
At all times
At the present time/at this point in time
By means of
For the purpose of
Because of the fact that/by virtue of
the fact that/due to the fact that/in
light of the fact that
Like
In fact
Always
now/currently
By
For
Because
Simplify the structure (part 1)
If the structure is “needlessly indirect” try to
simplify it. Words like “is/are/was” and “there
is/are” often generate extra words.
 “Sally is responsible for monitoring and balancing
the budgets.”
Strengthen verbs
 “There is another module that tells the story of
Charles Darwin.”
Simplify the structure (Part 2)
Use active voice if it expresses your meaning just
as well
 “All too often, athletes with marginal skills have
been recruited by our coaches.”
Reduce clauses
 We took a side trip to Vermillion, which was the
hometown of Sandra McCoy.
 For her birthday she received a skirt made of silk.
Practice tightening the following
sentences:
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It is a fact that Adam Smith wanted to find a theory
that would explain how the economic world
functions.
Adam smith searched for a theory to explain how
the economic world functions.
It seems that after many years of study and then
years of writing, he published a book that was
called The Wealth of Nations.
After many years of study and writing, he published
The Wealth of Nations.
Practice tightening the following
sentences:
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This lengthy, protracted book had in the neighbourhood
of a thousand pages, and those pages included a 63page index.
This lengthy book had about a thousand pages,
including a 63-page index.
The full and complete title of his book indicates the
comprehensive, all-inclusive scope of the book: An
Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of
Nations.
The title of his book indicates its scope: An Inquiry into
the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations.
Practice tightening the following
sentences:
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Smith believed that there are certain, basic, essential
economic laws in existence and that these laws work to
the benefit of everyone if people “let the market
alone.”
Smith believed that certain essential economic laws
work to the benefit of everyone if people “let the
market alone.”
He believed that something along the lines of an
“invisible hand” guides economics.
He believed that an “invisible hand” guides economics.