4
My Life as a Caregiver
Emotions
As a caregiver, I have experienced three distinctive emotions multiple times on a daily
basis. The first is anxiety towards my partner's safety along with my own self-efficacy as a
caregiver by worrying about how one minute of me not supervising him could lead to an accident
in our household, or even if I were to be away from him due to work, or other errands. The
second would be frustration at having to explain the same thing daily in terms of our past. It is
very hard for me to deal with the fact of having to repeatedly explain our history when I have
done it so many times already. The last emotion is deep sorrow and grief about not having a
shared autobiographical memory, because my partner cannot retain our new experiences
together, I am essentially the sole keeper of our life’s story, which creates a deep sense of
relational isolation.
Life Areas
School. As a nursing student pursuing my degree through school, my main difficulty is
my medical courses’ heavy encoding requirements being counterproductive to the disruption
caused through caregiving duties. One instance of daily hassle is that I am required to organize
my study times around my partner’s ongoing need for re-orientation, which often creates a split
in my attention during laboratory preparation. Another major life event, my graduation from
college, will be further influenced by the fact that I will have obtained my degree but remain
celebrating this important milestone alone as my partner will not be able to remember this
noteworthy event. To cope with my situation, I take advantage of quiet, dedicated times at the
college library so I can study completely, and I have a trusted family member supervise my
partner when I am performing my clinical rotation.
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Work. The broad challenge in my work life, has to do with both accessing my
productivity and providing support for frequent check-ins to confirm my partner is secure at
home. One specific form of daily annoyance associated with my day-to-day commercial
interaction arises due to having to manage my working memory while also multitasking; if I am
interrupted by a caregiving emergency, I lose the thread of my professional tasks immediately.
This significant form of this life change also affects any major changes to my professional career.
To illustrate, I may now have an existing promotion, however, it’s now impacted because I may
have to decline added responsibilities to my work ethic to maintain my caregiving schedule. To
ease stress, I utilize a strictly color-coded digital calendar and a remote video surveillance system
to check on my partners safety from my workplace.
Family Relationships. Caring for my partner significantly impacts my ability to assist
how much I can do to help my brother with his heart condition. The general challenge is the
proactive interference I face when my long-standing habits of looking after my brother, become
interrupted by my Partner's new urgent daily requirements due to his anterograde amnesia. The
specific daily issue I face is the "information fatigue" of having to explain to family members
who haven’t had any explanation as to why our relationships are not moving forward because my
partner is unable to achieve memory consolidation. The major life effect that I have is during
family holidays where I must be my partner's full time "translator" to all my family members. I
manage this dilemma by utilizing a family mass text message group for medical updates and
scheduling "respite days" where my family will take over my caregiving responsibilities for my
partner. Therefore, this gives me time for to take care of my brother.
Socialization/Friendships. Due to how difficult it is for me to go out infrequently
anymore; my social life has changed because I can't just get up and go spontaneously. One
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specific daily is the loss of common ground with friends, as I cannot discuss "current" shared
experiences with my partner present because of the lack of his explicit memories surrounding
those same events that only I can recall. A particularly hard life event for me was attending a
good friend's wedding. While I attended the heartwarming event, I generally have a difficult time
dealing with the stressors related to managing my spouse at such a highly stimulating
environment, which often outweighed the joy of the event. I try to overcome this by coordinating
a small group get-together at my home and by maintaining 15-minute daily "venting" sessions
with a best friend to maintain an identity outside of caregiving.
Entertainment, Hobbies, Interests. I find it hard to pursue my interest in art and gaming
due to my caregiving responsibilities occupying most of my time and consuming much of my
central executive function. Every day, while I try to create something to express myself, I also
have to stop my creative flow whenever my partner needs to be re-oriented. The elements of
procedural memory are almost impossible to incorporate into my artwork because of the constant
interruptions. Some of the ways that impacted my life include my inability to participate in local
art shows, which I often have to bypass due to a lack of travel flexibility. To help manage my
situation, I created a separate area of my home for my hobbies in the same room where my
partner relaxes. I also utilize small amounts of time (20 minutes) to create “sprints” of art, so I
can still feel successful in creating something to express myself. Which ensures the sense of
personal accomplishments to fill the void.