MINDSET - CONFIDENCE - SOCIAL SKILLS
Introduction
Congratulations for being the owner of the most exlusive and
skinniest intellectual piece since the Big Bang.
Normally in this part people write why their book exists.
The answer is simple:
✨Me✨
In all seriousness, I wrote this eBook to share with you the
lessons I’ve learned while building myself up from zero—first in
China, then in France, and eventually becoming a skinny supernova
online.
Along the way, I absorbed insights not just from my own
experiences, but also from successful people I’ve met (aka rich lovers
and their friends) and the books that shaped my mindset. This
eBook is a blend of all of that—the mindset shifts, the techniques,
and the strategies that helped me get to where I am today. All of this
topped with my signature humour, of course.
The eBook consists of 5 chapters:
Chapter 1: Mindset – A Reality Check
Challenge your limiting beliefs, face uncomfortable truths, and
build a foundation for lasting change.
Chapter 2: Self-Esteem – Building Unshakable Self-Worth
Stop relying on empty affirmations—real confidence comes
from action, achievement, and self-trust.
Chapter 3: Social Confidence – How to Own Any Room
Master body language, small talk, and conversation skills to
make an unforgettable impression anywhere.
Chapter 4: Success & Money – Becoming a Magnet for
Opportunities
Learn the art of networking, self-branding, and creating
opportunities that put you in the right rooms.
Chapter 5: Love & Relationships – Reign Without Raising a
Sword
Decode the psychology of men, stop overcomplicating love, and
get what you want.
I suggest reading the chapters in order, as they are structured to
build upon one another. However, you can also navigate freely.
Each chapter stands strong on its own.
And at the end, as a small gift, I’ll leave you with a list of
books, movies, and speeches that have shaped my mindset and
helped me grow. Some of their ideas and concepts have also made
their way into this ebook.
Enjoy.
Mindset: A Reality Check
All successful, resilient people share one thing in common: they
have a strong, clear mindset. Mindset is the foundation of everything
you do. It determines your ability to achieve goals, handle setbacks,
maintain healthy relationships, and, ultimately, to be happy. No
skill, opportunity, or connection can compensate for a weak
mindset. You might get lucky, but without mental resilience, you’ll
lose everything just as quickly.
The world is tough, it doesn’t forgive weakness. A weak
mindset will sabotage every aspect of your life. It’ll whisper excuses,
inflate your fears, and trap you in mediocrity while convincing you
that you’re the victim.
This chapter is your cold shower to strip away some common
limiting and flawed beliefs before we dive into becoming your best
self. And as it has been proven, cold showers, although unpleasant
in the beginning, release endorphins and improve long-term mood.
Some parts of this chapter might sting or make you get defensive.
And that’s the objective. Because in the end this will help you longterm.
If you want to do better, you need to think better.
1. Not everyone is special
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “everyone is special.” People
who say this probably feel like global peacemakers who make the
world a better place. It’s a cute narrative when you’re in
kindergarten or maybe primary school, but it completely falls apart
once you enter the real world. Yet somehow, this sugarcoated slogan
is still shouted from every corner, celebrating mediocrity and
comforting unfulfilled people who do nothing with their lives.
Breathtaking.
Not everyone is special. Is it really reasonable to believe we live
in a world full of "chosen ones"? That everyone—8 billion people—is
the main character? Even that person who calls themselves a
“discord kitten” and spends at least 12 hours a day meowing into a
headset for a 30-year-old virgin guy named PussySlayerrr228?
Let’s normalize being honest.
Believing that you are destined for greatness is good. I’m all for
dreaming big and manifesting. In fact, when I was in 11th grade, I
used to imagine myself dancing on a big stage to Britney Spears in
front of thousands of people (all of this while being alone in my
room). However, belief without action is delusion. You don’t become
special by merely existing or thinking happy thoughts. You become
special by doing something that sets you apart—developing skills,
achieving goals, and pushing through obstacles. In my case, I was
waking up before university classes to train by myself using
YouTube videos, enrolling in a cheerleading team, auditioning,
working on confidence, etc. By the way, I performed to Britney
Spears’ “Break the Ice” two years later at a Christmas Gala Concert.
What makes you special is your story. And not the Instagram
story with a mysterious quote and a Lana Del Rey music on top.
That makes you cringe. I mean your experiences, struggles, lessons,
and achievements—those are what shape you. And like any good
story, yours only gets interesting when something happens. You
need action, risks, decisions—something beyond scrolling aimlessly
or waiting for life to "figure itself out."
Ask yourself: If my life were a book, would it be interesting to
read? If you can’t honestly say yes, that’s your cue. Make a change.
Add some plot twists. Meet new characters. Face a challenge that
doesn’t involve deciding what series to binge next. Because no one
wants to read a book where nothing happens—and you shouldn’t live
one either.
Simply put, not everyone is special. But everyone can be.
2. Life is unfair
You will often hear people complaining: “life is so unfair.”
Congratulations on this sharp observation: we don’t live in the world
where unicorns eat rainbows and shit out butterflies.
Some people are born into wealth, inherit connections, and
have doors opened with a smile and a handshake. Others are born
into poverty, forced to claw for every opportunity, and face walls
instead of doors. And unfairness isn’t just about social class. Even at
a biological level, nature plays favorites. Evolutionary psychology
and genetics show that traits like intelligence, physical endurance,
and temperament aren’t distributed equally. Some people are
naturally stronger. Some are quicker learners. Some reap the
benefits of “pretty privilege.” And others... well, don’t (can’t relate).
Bottom line: Life has never been—and will never be—fair. The
universe deals the cards; you play with what you get.
And yes, it sucks. It’s frustrating. But the sooner you accept this
as a fact of life, the faster you can start building the life you want
despite the obstacles. It’s easy to get trapped in the “Why me?”
mindset. Why did they get it easier? Why do I have to work twice as
hard? Why is life so random? These are understandable questions—
but they’re pointless.
Life owes you nothing. Not opportunities. Not recognition. Not
easy roads. But you owe yourself the effort. The world won’t bend
to make things fair, but you can adjust your mindset to thrive
anyway. And then maybe even bend the world yourself.
I had an English teacher in high school who would say,
“Life is unfair—get used to it.” It was her go-to line whenever
someone complained, and we used to laugh about it. But
honestly? There’s wisdom in those words. I’d only add: “Life is
unfair—push through anyway.”
Acceptance is step one. Fighting through is step two.
One of the most painfully unfair experiences I’ve faced—aside
from growing up gay in Russia (but that’s a whole different story)—
was dealing with acne. And when I say acne, I don’t mean a couple
of pimples here and there; I mean constellations on my face. You
could practically map out the Milky Way from my breakouts. I had
the worst skin out of anyone in school.
It felt completely unfair. I wasn’t unhygienic, I wasn’t eating
junk food 24/7—it just happened. What was even more frustrating,
my best friend could wash his face with literal horse shit, and his
skin would still look flawless. Meanwhile, I was spending a fortune
on creams to only see little to no improvement.
But I was determined to fix it, no matter the cost. After years of
trial and error, I finally found the right dermatologist who
prescribed Accutane. That solved part of the issue, but then came
the post-acne scars. I had to take extra jobs to afford cosmetic
procedures to fix it and create a completely new skincare routine.
Ironically, now skincare brands ask me to be their ambassador, and
people are ready to pay for my skincare advice. I think you get the
point.
Remember what we discussed in the previous section? Not
everyone is special. That’s the thing—overcoming unfair
circumstances is what can make you special. Your journey, your
resilience, your refusal to give up—that’s your unique story.
Because at the end of the day, your life isn’t determined by the
cards you were dealt—it’s determined by how you play them. And the
universe is not your enemy; but it only rewards those who push
forward.
3. If you think small - you’ll live small
Your ceiling in life is determined by your mindset. If you
assume that certain things are out of reach—certain careers,
incomes, experiences—they will be. Not because they’re impossible,
but because you’ve already decided they are.
Many people build ceilings in their minds and then live under
them their entire lives.
“People like me don’t earn that much.”
“People like me don’t get those opportunities.”
“This life is not for people like me.”
And because they believe it, they don’t even try. However, these
aren’t facts—they’re self-imposed limits.
I have unfortunately seen this type of thinking in people who
come from smaller towns. And it’s not because they’re lazy or
because they lack talent. It’s about exposure. If you’ve never seen
bigger opportunities, it’s easy to believe they don’t exist for you.
When your surroundings tell you to “be realistic” and “stay in your
lane,” dreaming bigger can feel like rebellion. Yet ironically, people
who break out of those small towns often become the most
determined fighters—because they know exactly what they don’t
want to go back to.
Another reason for falling into the trap of small thinking is fear.
Fear of failing. Fear of standing out. Fear of being judged for
wanting too much. But here’s the irony: thinking small doesn’t save
you from fear—it just guarantees regret. You’ll play it safe, look
back, and wonder what could have been if you’d aimed higher.
Your mind is like a compass—it directs your actions toward
whatever target you set. Set a small target? Your actions will match
that level. Set a target so big it makes you nervous? Your actions
expand to meet it. Your goals shape your behavior.
And this isn’t just motivational fluff—science backs it up.
Psychologist Edwin A. Locke’s Goal-Setting Theory shows that
specific, challenging goals consistently lead to higher performance
than easy or vague ones. Ambitious targets push you to think
creatively, solve problems faster, and work harder. It’s human
nature: when the stakes feel significant, your brain switches into high
gear.
Your mind is powerful. The moment you tell yourself
something is impossible, you stop looking for ways to make it
happen. But when you set your sights high—really high—your brain
starts finding ways to make it work.
That’s one of the key reasons I’ve been able to achieve what I
have. I graduated from the #1 university in China, earned my
master’s from a top business school in France, worked at the
headquarters of the world’s leading beauty group, and successfully
launched my social media platform. I was certain I could achieve
these things. Sure, with hard work, fails along the way, but if other
people could do it – why wouldn’t I? Am I worse than them? No. I’m
better.
Your mind will always work toward the goals you believe in.
Make sure you’re not trapping yourself in a box that’s too small.
4. You don’t need a Plan B
There’s a common belief that you should always have a backup
plan—a “Plan B” just in case things don’t work out. It sounds wise,
doesn’t it? It’s something we’ve heard from our parents, taught as
common sense, wrapped in the comforting logic of “better safe than
sorry.” And sure—safety feels nice. But you know what else a Plan B
does? It gives you permission to fail.
Why? Because Plan B is a mental safety blanket. It whispers,
“It’s okay if you don’t give it your all. There’s a fallback.” And while
that might feel comforting, comfort doesn’t build success—pressure
does. When there’s no escape route, you think sharper, act bolder,
and push harder. Survival mode kicks in. And it’s incredible what
you can accomplish when failure isn’t just disappointing—it’s not an
option.
Having a backup plan might sound responsible, but it divides
your focus. If you’re constantly glancing at your safety net, you’re
not fully committed to climbing the rope. Imagine an athlete
preparing for the Olympics while also taking night classes “just in
case sports don’t work out.” That’s not dedication—that’s hedging
bets. And hedging rarely leads to greatness.
The phrase “burn the boats” isn’t just dramatic—it’s a strategy.
Legend has it that when Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés
landed in Mexico, he ordered his men to burn their ships. The
message? “We win here, or we die trying.” Extreme? Yes. Effective?
Absolutely. When there’s no way back, the only direction is forward.
There was a point in my life in Paris when I had almost nothing.
I was finishing my end-of-studies internship at L’Oréal and
competing for a full-time position. The competition was cut-throat
—40 to 60 candidates per spot. I was one of the few selected for an
interview at my dream brand: Mugler. The missions and the scope of
the position were quite literally something I had been dreaming of. It
felt like this was it—something that I have been manifesting for
years was about to come true. It all made so much sense. And with
my brilliant recommendations, insane face card and the skinniest
waist in the office, I didn’t see how I wouldn’t get it.
And surprise… I didn’t. They rejected all interns and handed
the job to an internal candidate. Felt exactly like when a man invites
you on dates, promises you the world and then goes back to his ex. I
guess French brands and French men do share the same DNA.
I was left with no source of income, no way to pay for my rent,
and minimum amount of money on my bank card. My mother told
me, “Nikita, come back to Russia. You need a plan B.” My answer
was simple: No.
And now I am at the highest point I’ve ever been.
Don’t get me wrong, it is good to have an emergency exit in
mind. But if you have time to work on plan B – you probably
haven’t committed your 100% to plan A. And when you have no
second option, you stop entertaining the idea of failure. You push
through. You find a way. You don’t sit there thinking, “If his doesn’t
work out, I’ll just go back.” Instead, your mindset shifts to “I cannot
fail. I have to make this work.”
By the way, L’Oréal called me a few months later with an offer
too.
When Plan A is the only plan, you’ll be surprised at how far
you’re willing to push to make it work.
Self-Esteem: Building Unshakeable Self-Worth
In the previous chapter, we established the harsh reality: life is
tough and unfair. A strong, clear mindset prepares you for that and
helps you make better decisions. But here’s the real question: how do
you stay strong? How do you survive psychologically and maintain
motivation when things don’t go your way?
That’s where self-esteem comes in. Think of it as your mental
armor—the shield that protects you from the hits life throws. I love
how Nathaniel Branden puts it: “Self-esteem is the immune system of
consciousness.” Just like your physical immune system defends you
from illness, your self-esteem defends you from rejection and failure.
It allows you to go through life without losing the sense of your own
value.
I think you have already got the tone of the book. Here, we
don’t believe in sugarcoated slogans. And we recognize that
unshakable self-esteem isn’t built on empty affirmations. You can’t
just stare into a mirror, chant “I am enough,” and expect to become
invincible. Real confidence comes from evidence—from showing up
for yourself, taking action, and proving (to yourself) that you can
handle what life throws at you. That’s how you develop real self-love
—the kind that doesn’t vanish when someone criticizes you or when
things don’t go perfectly.
1. Find your environment
In my free eBook “5 Steps to Confidence: How to Be the
Skinniest Elephant in the Room,” I have already touched on this
topic. But I want to come back to it again because I genuinely
believe it is that fundamental.
Self-esteem isn’t just an internal construct; it’s shaped by
external factors. You will never grow and flourish in an environment
that is hostile to you. And that includes your family, friends,
colleagues, and even your city. Remember the metaphor of the seed?
No matter how much potential it has, if you plant it in infertile soil,
it won’t grow.
Harvard’s Grant Study—the longest study on adult
development—found that the quality of our relationships directly
affects both happiness and confidence. If you spend time around
people who constantly belittle you, dismiss your ideas, or make you
feel small, your self-worth will suffer. On the other hand, if you
surround yourself with people who encourage you, celebrate your
wins, and believe in your potential, your confidence will expand, and
you will feel happier.
And this applies to your habits and lifestyle too. Jim Rohn, a
successful American entrepreneur and motivational speaker (like
me), famously said:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time
with.”
This is one of my favorite quotes to this day, and it has
genuinely helped me elevate my life and become the best version of
myself. Just by removing one wrong person from your circle—
especially that guy whose only tangible achievement is his birth
certificate— you can instantly improve your mood, confidence, and
lifestyle. If you’re surrounded by people who aren’t achieving
anything and are wasting their lives, you’ll get stuck too. But I’m
sure you’ve noticed that when you spend time with people who are
ambitious and energized, you naturally adopt the same mindset. An
achiever’s mindset will help boost your self-esteem, while a victim
mindset will destroy it.
Surrounding yourself with the right people doesn’t mean
abandoning everyone who isn’t perfectly aligned with your goals. It
means being intentional. Spend less time with those who drain you
and more with those who inspire you. And if you must, don’t feel
guilty about cutting off certain people. Remember, even one wrong
person will drag down your energetic average.
To summarize, finding the right environment for growth is your
first step for developing self-esteem and confidence. You should live
in the world where success and self-love aren’t an exception—it’s the
standard.
Practical Exercise:
1. List the five people you spend the most time with. Ask yourself
whether each one either elevates you professionally, provides
emotional support, or helps you have genuine fun. No guilt—
just honesty.
2. If someone doesn’t do any of these things and only drains you,
maybe it’s time to let them go and let someone better take their
place.
2. Just loving yourself is not enough
We live in the era where self-love quotes are more common than
sincere apologies. From Pinterest boards to coffee mugs – you see
reminders to love yourself everywhere. The internet is flooded with
advice—daily affirmations, inner child healing, self-acceptance
mantras. Yet somehow, despite all this theoretical wisdom, millions
still struggle with self-esteem. How come if everybody already knows
this theory, so many people still can’t build a strong sense of selfworth? The answer is simple: you don’t build self-esteem by telling
yourself you’re amazing. You build it by proving it through action.
Self-esteem built purely on “positive thinking” will always be
hollow.
Don’t get me wrong, I think it is important to be kind to
yourself. Affirmations can be a great way to foster positive thinking
and start your day with good energy. But in my opinion, they’re
supplementary tools, not the foundation of unshakable self-esteem.
If you scroll on TikTok the whole day and then repeat some
affirmations before bed, you won’t wake up a fulfilled person the
next morning. You can’t trick yourself into feeling proud if you aren’t
backing it up with action. Although remarkably, some men (and yes,
I have only seen that in men, women are usually way more selfconscious) are so blissfully unaware of their own mediocrity and
receding hairline that they genuinely believe they are the biggest
visionary, talent, and gem that the Earth is carrying. Honestly, I
think we should be reading self-help books written by them. Their
self-esteem is truly unshakable.
Before writing this chapter, I asked my friends what makes
them feel better about themselves; what truly boosts their selfesteem. Every single answer revolved around achievement. Hitting
personal goals, learning a new skill, finishing something they started
—those were the moments that elevated how they saw themselves.
This is psychological. Achievements give you the reason to be
proud of yourself. They are the evidence of your skill and effort.
Research supports this. Studies found that goal-setting and
achievement significantly improve self-esteem, especially when
individuals set attainable milestones and track progress. In simple
terms, achievement, no matter how small, creates psychological
momentum. Your brain recognizes when you say you’ll do something
and then actually do it—and it rewards you with a boost of
confidence.
Moreover, the more you do something, the more confident you
become. This is called the confidence-competence loop:
The more you take action, the more skilled you become.
The more skilled you become, the more confident you feel.
Confidence isn’t something you need before taking action—it’s
what you gain from pushing yourself, improving, and seeing results.
In the end, love yourself. Be kind to yourself. But don’t
completely replace achievements with affirmations.
Practical Exercise:
1. List the tasks for the next day. Don’t overload it but stay
committed to it.
2. Start with micro-commitments. Instead of “I’ll finish a book” try
“I’ll read a chapter.” Realistic goals will allow to gradually
develop a habit, while also providing the feeling of
accomplishment.
3. Learn to appreciate growth
Achievements are important—but tying your entire worth to
success can be dangerous. You won’t always be perfect from the
start, and setbacks are inevitable. Even skinny supernovas like
myself flop sometimes (but not too much). If your sense of worth
depends solely on results, you’ll crumble when things don’t go
perfectly. But if you value progress over perfection, you’ll stay
resilient—even when things get tough.
The idea of growth mindset is that your abilities are not set in
stone from birth. We tend to believe that we have a specific set of
skills we are good or bad at, so our skills are “fixed.” But in fact, any
abilities, as well as confidence, can be cultivated through persistence
and effort. People with a growth mindset see failure as feedback,
while those with a fixed mindset treat failure like a permanent label:
“I failed, so I’m a failure.” No—you just haven’t succeeded yet.
I really love this “not yet” approach that Carol Dweck
introduced in her TED Talk about growth mindset. It is a great way
to start doing things without the fear of failure. Saying “I can’t do
this” slams the door shut. Saying “I can’t do this yet” leaves it open.
It creates room for possibility, growth, and improvement. You start
seeing obstacles as opportunities to learn rather than as proof you’re
inadequate.
Ambition is great. Goals push us. But appreciation keeps us
going. You can dream big and still celebrate how far you’ve come.
Recognizing your growth isn’t settling—it’s a reminder: If you’ve
made it this far, you can go even further.
Practical Exercise:
1. Reframe your inner dialogue. Next time you catch yourself
thinking “I can’t do this,” add “yet.” Tiny change—but it works.
2. Balance ambition with gratitude. Divide a sheet of paper into
two parts and write the goals you want to achieve as well as
goals that you have already achieved. Confidence thrives on
acknowledgment of both where you’re headed and how far
you’ve come.
4. Self-awareness and self-acceptance
You can’t build unshakable self-esteem without knowing who
you are—and owning it. Self-awareness is the foundation; selfacceptance is the structure that stands on top. Without both, you’ll
be stuck in an endless cycle of self-doubt, trying to be someone
you’re not or constantly seeking external validation.
Self-awareness isn’t just knowing your favorite color or what
music you like. It’s a deep understanding of your values, patterns,
strengths, and weaknesses. Research has shown that while 95% of
people believe they’re self-aware, only about 10-15% actually are.
Why? Because true self-awareness requires uncomfortable honesty.
It’s easier to ignore your flaws or blame external factors for your
failures.
Knowing yourself is step one. Accepting yourself is step two—
and it’s where most people stumble. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean
complacency or excusing bad behavior. It means acknowledging
every part of yourself—the good, the bad, and the cringe—and
choosing to stand tall anyway. No one can use your flaws against
you if you’ve already owned them. When you accept yourself,
criticism loses its sting. If someone calls you out on something
you’ve embraced, it’s like throwing a punch at a brick wall—
pointless.
Rejecting parts of yourself creates an internal war. You can’t
build confidence while secretly resenting your insecurities or
mistakes. Acceptance quiets that war. It’s saying, “Yes, I’m
impatient sometimes. Yes, I messed up. And yes, I’m still worthy.”
Without acceptance, you’ll constantly chase external validation to
fill the gap of internal rejection.
Self-awareness and self-acceptance require a lot of work,
especially the one we have discussed in previous chapters. However,
once you get to that point, you become invincible.
Practical Exercise
1. Ask your closest friends about your greatest quality and worst
trait. The other perspective can help you see yourself more
objectively.
2. Reflect on the answers. Start using your qualities more often and
try to understand where your flaws come from.
5. Motivation
Every day, you hear stories of overnight success. Someone
becomes a millionaire at 22, a girl posts a video in a car that gets 1
billion views and makes her famous, or a startup sells for billions
seemingly out of nowhere. The media loves these success stories
because they’re flashy, exciting, and sell headlines. Who wants to
read about setbacks and failure unless it’s related to a famous
person? Society is obsessed with quantum leaps in destiny but
uninterested in the slow, grinding journey most people endure. And
this distorted narrative messes with our heads. We start believing
that success should happen fast, that if you’re talented enough,
things will just click. And if they don’t? Well, maybe you’re just not
meant to succeed. That thinking is not only toxic—it’s wrong.
Let’s get a dose of reality: 90% of startups fail, and less than 1%
of content creators reach a full-time income from social media.
Success isn’t a lottery ticket; it’s a process. And that process includes
setbacks and moments where quitting feels easier than continuing.
The hard part isn’t just starting—it’s keeping going when results
don’t show up right away.
Sometimes, talking to people who are still in the trenches—
those building themselves up—is far more valuable than listening to
the finished product of someone already on top. Their stories are
honest, raw, and show how tough the climb really is. Because the
reality of success is that it doesn’t come easy (unless you are like very
very lucky).
Take me, for example. Do you think I just woke up one day,
posted on Instagram, and everyone suddenly loved me? I mean, yes.
But before that, my journey with social media was anything but
instant. Back in high school, I started a YouTube channel that was
actually doing pretty well—until I moved to China. With YouTube
blocked and the pressure of learning Chinese and studying full-time,
I had to abandon it. I was very upset but kept the dream of
becoming famous on social media.
Later, I tried to reinvent myself as a beauty influencer on
Instagram. Inspired by the era of Jeffree Star and James Charles, I
thought I would be the new face of Morphe brushes. Spoiler: I could
only be a face to Alibaba $1 makeup selection. My content was
giving flop. I genuinely thank the universe it didn’t go viral.
Otherwise, I’d be immortalized in cringe compilations. Still, I didn’t
give up. During the COVID lockdown, I decided to try TikTok,
even though I had no idea what I was doing. My first account was
another total flop. Zero views, no engagement. I could’ve stopped
there—but I didn’t. I analyzed what wasn’t working, adjusted my
strategy, and created a new account. And this time, it started to
work. Until it got banned at 50k followers thanks to mass reporting
from homophobic users. That was a punch to the gut—but I still
didn’t quit. I started again. That next account? More successful than
ever.
Eventually, I moved to Paris, and my Instagram finally took
off. People see the "overnight" growth, but they don’t see the years
of trial and error, the countless posts that flopped, the setbacks that
would’ve made most people quit. But I kept pushing. Not because it
was always fun or easy—but because I had a dream I refused to let
go of.
My message here: your self-esteem shouldn’t crumble when
success doesn’t come immediately. Don’t compare your chapter 1 to
someone else’s chapter 20. The people you admire? They failed—a
lot. They just didn’t stop. Neither should you. Keep moving, keep
learning, and retain motivation. Sometimes, success takes months.
Sometimes, years. But if you stay persistent and trust the process,
you’ll get there.
Practical Exercise
1. Reach out to someone who is still in the process of building
something, preferably a similar goal.
2. Have a 15-minute conversation about their challenges and wins.
You’ll gain perspective and realize you’re not alone in the
struggle.
Social Confidence: How to Own Any Room
In the previous chapters, we explored how to develop your
inner strength—your mindset, your self-esteem, and those internal
resources that ground you in self-worth. Because let’s face it: real
confidence comes from within. In this chapter, however, we will talk
about displaying external confidence.
I’m very excited to write this chapter because social skills are
arguably my strongest side. Aside from being academically,
emotionally, and spiritually smart of course.
Social skills have always been my biggest asset, especially when
I moved to China and later to Paris. I’ve always known that no
matter what event or gathering I walk into, I will connect with
people, and they will most likely love me. As an example, at a recent
fashion show, I struck up a conversation with the brand founders
during an after-party. Fast forward a few hours, and I was having a
3 a.m. dinner with the entire team, looking like an imposter who
somehow infiltrated the inner circle. By the way, was a very sweet
time. I didn’t even realize how it happened but that’s the power of
social confidence—it opens doors most people don’t even realize
exist. And in this chapter I will teach you how to do exactly that.
These are tips you can use tonight if you’re going out.
Techniques that, if applied, will have you slaying the social game
and owning any room you step into. This will work.
1. Master the art of body language
People judge you immediately when they see you. Studies show
it takes less than seven seconds for someone to form an impression of
you. Seven. By the time you’ve said "Hi," they’ve already decided if
you’re confident, awkward, trustworthy, or someone to avoid like
that guy at a party who corners you to talk about his demo music
track. And fair or not, first impressions stick. They’re like glue—
once people label you, it’s hard to change that perception. And we
want to control the narrative from the start.
The most powerful tool you have? Your body language.
Communication is 93% nonverbal according to research by UCLA
professor Albert Mehrabian—55% body language, 38% tone, and
only 7% words. You can be revealing the most sacred secrets of the
universe but if the delivery is off, people won’t really listen or take
you seriously.
Body language isn’t just about looking good—it’s about feeling
good. The way you stand, sit, and move affects both how others
perceive you and how you perceive yourself. And people pick up on
these cues faster than you think. If you walk into a room with
drooped shoulders and eyes glued to the floor, you’re broadcasting
insecurity. But if you enter with a strong stride, maintain eye
contact, and hold an open posture, you immediately project
confidence—even if you’re nervous inside.
Body language is my favorite cheat code. I’ve had people call
me royalty even though I haven’t pronounced a word. I don’t have a
familial ring on my finger either (although would really love one).
And I’m sharing this not to praise myself one more time, but to
show you just how powerful nonverbal cues can be. And
surprisingly, so many people are bad at it. It is easy to spot those
who understand body language and use it well. But from my
observation, so many people are missing out on that. If only they
did, they would have already achieved far more just by simply
looking more confident and being more charismatic.
There are entire books written by FBI agents and psychologists
that dissect every micro-gesture and posture shift. But here, I want
to focus on the four fundamental things that, in my personal
experience, have the biggest impact on how people perceive you.
Master these, and I guarantee you’ll elevate your social game
dramatically:
1) Posture. Posture is the foundation of everything. To exude
confidence, stand with shoulders back, chest slightly forward, and
chin a bit lifted. Imagine a string pulling the top of your head
toward the ceiling—like a coquette marionette.
When sitting, keep your back straight. Not only does it make
you appear more elegant and graceful, but it also subtly
communicates status. Avoid slouching. That sends an entirely
different message—nervousness, insecurity, and, frankly, a lack of
energy. You shrink when you slouch, both physically and in how
people perceive you. It’s also unattractive.
While many experts highlight the importance of “open posture”
(uncrossed arms and legs), I personally think it’s not that deep. Sure,
sitting with arms and legs wide open radiates non-defensiveness, but
if crossing your legs makes you feel comfortable (and not like
you’re blocking the universe), go for it. Comfort breeds confidence.
2) Eye contact. This is one of the most powerful tools in your
nonverbal arsenal. People can literally fall in love with you just from
eye contact (so use wisely). Strong eye contact conveys confidence,
creates connection, and adds depth to your conversations.
Look into the person’s eyes for 50-60% of the conversation.
Any less, you seem distracted or uninterested; too much, and it gets
flirty—or downright creepy. If you want it to be flirty? Hold their
gaze a touch longer. Works every time. And avoid hiding your eyes
every 5 seconds, this signals nervousness and insecurity.
Pro tip: If someone’s stare feels intense or uncomfortable, look
at the spot between their eyebrows (called the glabella in English.
Had to look it up). From their pov, it still looks like direct eye
contact, but you avoid the awkwardness. This trick is taught to
military forces to withstand pressure during interrogation. And it
works.
3) Smile. Nothing disarms people faster than a genuine smile. If
you ever see me interacting with people, you will notice that I’m
almost always smiling. It makes you look approachable, confident,
and instantly more likable. It is particularly effective when paired
with direct eye contact, especially during first impressions. For
instance, smiling during a handshake can significantly enhance how
trustworthy and competent you’re perceived.
Psychologists also say smiling also affects your mood due to a
phenomenon known as facial feedback. Even if you don’t feel
confident, holding a smile for a few seconds can trigger positive
emotions, reducing stress and making you feel calmer. This internal
boost naturally translates into a more confident demeanor.
One thing to keep in mind, fake smiles are painfully obvious.
Humans are wired to spot insincerity (slay evolution). So when I
need to force a smile, my trick is to think of a memory or a person
that makes me genuinely happy and then channel that feeling. Also,
real smiles engage the eye muscles, causing those little crinkles (no
Botox shaming here, but keep that in mind). And that’s why
Melania Trump’s ‘smile’ has become the internet sensation.
4) Gestures. When your gestures align with your words, your
communication becomes more persuasive and memorable. For
example, using your fingers to count when listing items or spreading
your arms to show size helps people grasp information quickly.
Gestures that complement speech signal that you’re confident in
your message and engaged in the conversation.
Speak with your hands hanging lifeless at your sides, and you’ll
come off like a malfunctioning robot. Use purposeful gestures above
your waistline, and suddenly you’re engaging and dynamic. If you
are skeptical about the impact of hand gestures, try this experiment:
stand in front of a mirror and tell a story without any movement.
Then, repeat with natural hand gestures. You will notice the
difference immediately.
It is important to recognize though that body language isn’t a
one-size-fits-all thing. It varies from person to person, shaped by
your personality, temperament, and overall style. For example, my
posture and expressions—confident yet coquette and a bit theatrical
—would look downright awkward on a serious businessman. And
vice versa, the rigid stance of a corporate executive would look just
as out of place on me.
Your body language should be an authentic extension of your
inner self. When your nonverbal communication aligns with your
personality, you become magnetic. That’s when people start
describing you as “charismatic” without even knowing why—it’s
because your energy feels real. So, how do you develop this kind of
effortless body language?
One of the best exercises is to observe celebrities or public
figures whose energy you admire and want to posses. Look how they
behave during interviews or in a public setting, pay attention to
smallest details. Maybe you love how they tilt their head
thoughtfully when asked a question, or how their smile appears at
just the right moments. Try integrating some of those nuances into
your own interactions. You’re not copying them; you’re using their
style as a foundation to discover your own. Over time, what starts as
conscious imitation transforms into a natural part of your presence.
If you are curious, here’s the list of celebrities and characters
that inspired my body language:
Celebrities: Marilyn Monroe, Monica Bellucci, Angelina Jolie,
Shalom Harlow.
Fictional characters: White Queen from Alice in Wonderland,
Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean, Vesper Lynd from
James Bond, Eris from Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, Peppa Pig
(jk).
To summarize, body language is the first thing you should work
on to look and feel confident in any environment. Even if you’re
internally panicking, your body can tell a different story. And that
story should scream self-worth, charisma, and a touch of I’m
expensive.
2. Nail any small talk
So many people hate small talk. Scared of it even. Like it is
something as hard and confusing as defusing a bomb while being
colorblind. But here’s the main trick: nailing small talk isn’t about
having something brilliant to say—it’s about knowing what to ask.
Most people get it backward. They stress over finding a
fascinating story or a clever remark when the secret to effortless
conversation with a stranger is simpler: make the other person talk.
And when you ask the right questions, you essentially delegate the
responsibility of keeping the conversation going. Not only does it
take the pressure off you, but people will walk away thinking,
“Wow, they’re such a great conversationalist!”—even if you barely
said a word. Iconic, right?
So what you want to do, is to start a conversation with a simple
yet engaging question. A very important trick, which I picked up
from my journalism major, is to ask open-ended questions. What that
means is that you want to avoid asking yes/no questions. For
example, instead of “Do you like the event?” (which can be killed
with a simple “yeah”), you can do “What do you think about the
event?” It pushes people to give a fuller response.
That being said, here’s the list of my most common ‘entry
questions’ that I juggle depending on the context:
“How do you guys know each other?” – Can be great if you have
a common friend who introduced you to each other.
“How do you know the host?” – Suitable for house-parties where
you were invited as +1 and you don’t know the host personally.
“Who did you come here with?” – Will allow you to have a tiny
grasp on their circle, and maybe they will even introduce you to
their friends.
“What do you do in life?” – I think it’s a slightly better alternative
than asking what people do for living. Invites a response fuller
than just job occupation.
“How are you enjoying the night?” – Very neutral if a person
seems a bit closed off.
And don’t forget: your job isn’t to carry the conversation—it’s to
guide it. Throw a question out there, listen, and build on what they
say. One of the best ways to keep conversation going is finding
common points. We’re wired to connect with people who share
something with us—even if it’s small. Maybe the person mentions
they studied at a certain university. You didn’t? No problem. Maybe
your friend did. Just casually drop it: “Oh, my friend used to go there
—he said the campus parties were lame/legendary.” And just this one
remark will make you feel psychologically closer to each other. Even
tiny things like drink choices can spark warmth. If someone says
they’re drinking wine, you can respond with something playful like,
“I’m more of a champagne person—how about you?” These little
exchanges create micro-moments of connection that make both of
you feel more at ease. Common ground brings people closer. When
someone hears you share something relatable, it triggers a sense of
familiarity and lowers social barriers.
The biggest mistake you can do during a small talk is
unnecessary oversharing. We’ve all met that person—the one who,
five minutes into the chat, starts trauma-dumping: unraveling their
childhood trauma, their ex’s betrayals, and the existential dread of
modern life. Don’t be that person. Small talk isn’t therapy.
When someone asks about you, share just enough to be
interesting but not overwhelming. If they’re curious, they’ll ask
follow-up questions—and that’s when you can go deeper. But don’t
assume everyone is dying to hear about your bloodline or another
average situationship. Stay mindful of the context and the vibe.
Moreover, mystery is attractive. Not oversharing shows you’re
confident enough to keep some things to yourself. People are
naturally intrigued by those who don’t spill everything at once.
Leave them wanting more.
3. Say less - get more
We touched on this trick in the previous section, but trust me—
it goes way beyond surface-level conversations. This is your golden
ticket to winning people over, leaving a lasting impression, and
having them walk away thinking you’re brilliant—even if you barely
said a word.
The trick? Talk less. Listen more.
I first stumbled upon this concept in Robert Greene’s The Art
of Seduction. People love talking about themselves. They adore
hearing their own voice, recounting their stories, sharing their
opinions. So when you create a space where they can do exactly that
—vent, brag, or relive their favorite memories—they become
mesmerized by you. Not because you dazzled them with epic tales,
but because you let them be the star. It’s ironic: you can have an
entire conversation where you speak only 20% of the time, and by
the end, the other person will think you’re the most charming,
intelligent person in the room. Why? Because we humans have a soft
spot for anyone who listens well.
Obviously, this implies active listening. That’s where the body
language comes in once again. You should be nodding at the right
times, smiling genuinely, maintaining eye contact, etc. Don’t stare
off into the distance like you’re contemplating sending a message to
your ex. Stay present. Show emotion. If they share a funny story,
laugh (or at least try). If they talk about something exciting, let your
face light up. People pick up on your reactions—if you look bored,
they’ll shut down. If you look intrigued, they’ll open up.
Follow-up questions are crucial. If someone mentions a
weekend trip, don’t end it with a bland “Oh, cool.” Ask, “What was
your favorite part?” or “How did It go?” Questions like that dig
deeper, making the conversation more meaningful. When you tap
into someone’s emotions, you move beyond surface-level chatter and
create a genuine connection. And don’t forget to acknowledge their
achievements. If they mention landing a big project or finishing a
marathon, a simple “Wow, that’s impressive—congrats!” goes a long
way. You don’t need to throw a parade for them, just offer a line of
recognition. It makes people feel seen and appreciated.
Now, let me share another technique from my journalism
classes: strategic silence. You will be surprised how many things
people can reveal that they wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s
psychological—quite gaps are awkward and unbearable. We want to
fill them with something. Ever been in an interview where you
answered a question, paused, and the interviewer just stared back?
And you, unable to handle the silence, started yapping? Yeah, that’s
intentional. HR professionals and journalists use this tactic all the
time to get people to open up. You don’t need to use it
manipulatively, but holding a beat of silence after someone answers
can encourage them to go deeper—and it subtly positions you as
calm, confident, and thoughtful. You’re not rushing to speak
because you don’t need to. And that? That’s powerful.
What’s magical about all this is how low-effort yet high-impact
it is. When you let people talk, you make them feel special—and
people are drawn to those who make them feel good. It’s a win-win:
they get the spotlight, and you get the credit for being “such a great
conversationalist” when, really, you just asked a few questions and
smiled in the right places.
Not only does this little trick make people like you more, but it
also makes you feel more confident. There’s something empowering
about holding space, observing, and choosing your words carefully
instead of scrambling to fill every silence. Speaking less doesn’t
necessarily make you less noticeable—it can make you more
intriguing. Because let’s be real—mystery is magnetic.
Success & Money: Becoming a Magnet for
Opportunities
Success means different things to different people. For some,
it’s about becoming a millionaire, building a thriving business, or
securing financial freedom. For others, it’s about fame, recognition,
or power. And for some, it’s about making an impact—helping
others and leaving the world a little better than they found it. Also
there are those whose ambition is being the survivor in Fortnite but I
don’t think they are my target audience.
In my opinion, no matter how you define success, it all comes
down to opportunity. Any form of success requires the right
opportunities—and knowing how to spot, create, and seize them.
That’s exactly what this chapter is about: getting those opportunities
that will allow you to reach the success you want and earn the
lifestyle you desire.
This chapter won’t be a step-by-step guide on how to launch a
social media career or build a lucrative business. Instead, we will
focus on how networking and self-presentation are the real cheat
codes for getting where you want. Talent and hard work matter, but
knowing how to sell yourself and build the right connections will get
you places faster than grinding in silence.
You’ll learn how to position yourself as someone people
remember—and choose—when opportunities arise.You’ll discover
how to build relationships that matter, how to show up in ways that
make people want to work with you, and how to turn connections
into tangible results.
It’s not just about luck—it’s about being visible, strategic, and
magnetic.
1. Your network is your networth
There’s a brutal truth about success that some people don’t
recognize: it’s not just about what you know—it’s about who you
know. You can be the most talented person in the room, but if
nobody knows you—or worse, if nobody remembers you—then
good luck watching less-qualified people land the opportunities you
dreamed of. Harsh? Yes. But that’s the reality.
I truly grasped the importance of networking when I moved to
Paris. In this city, your connections open doors faster than any
actual talent ever could. Paris thrives on relationships—the people
you know determine the opportunities you get. Events happen every
single day: fashion shows, private dinners, exhibitions, apéros—all
year long. And from the outside, it all looks impossibly exclusive
and glamorous. It’s easy to assume you need to be special to gain
access. But the truth is: it’s not about status—it’s about knowing the
right people.
All you need is to know someone who’s friends with the event
organizer or just someone who has a plus-one invite. And just like
that, you can find yourself at a dinner with Leonardo DiCaprio at a
table next to you (yes, that happens too). And these situations aren’t
as unattainable as they seem. At this point, I don’t even understand
the purpose of ‘private’ clubs because honestly, they are not even
that private.
When I just came to Paris, my strategy was simple: I attended
every event I was invited to. My life was giving this Lady Gaga
meme: “No sleep, bus, club, another club…” Was I tired? Often. Did
I
Know anyone at these gatherings? Most of the time, no. And I
didn’t even speak French. But I still showed up. Because if you keep
declining invitations early on, people will stop inviting you. You can
afford to say no once you’ve established yourself and people already
want you around. But in the beginning? You need to be everywhere.
And networking isn’t just for getting into glamorous parties or
fashion events. It is as crucial in corporate world. A LinkedIn survey
found that 85% of jobs are filled through networking—not online
applications, not degrees, not cold emails—connections. In fact,
Harvard Business Review highlights that people with strong
professional networks are more likely to get promoted, receive
raises, and gain access to opportunities that others never hear about.
Your talent may get you in the door, but it’s your relationships that
swing those doors wide open.
Networking is a survival skill. And a strategic one. It is easy to
think “Oh they were just lucky, they new the right people.” But
actually, it’s your job to seek and create the environments where
‘luck’ finds you.
One of the best networking tips I’ve ever heard comes from my
best friend’s grandmother in Russia. She always says, "Where there
is one rich man, there are others." Now, she usually applies this
advice to dating (and she is very right), but the logic works perfectly
for networking too. Successful people tend to cluster together. If you
meet someone known in the fashion industry, for example, they’re
for sure connected to others in that same sphere—colleagues,
collaborators, or friends who could potentially open doors for you.
So, don’t just stop at meeting one person. If you get along,
propose a coffee or casual meet-up. Even if they don’t offer you an
opportunity directly, they might introduce you to someone in their
circle who will.
Now let’s go through my networking dont’s:
1) Never limit yourself to just one circle. This is a common
mistake people make—finding a comfortable group and sticking
with them. And while having close friends is obviously essential
(although I think your best friends should be separate from your
“networking world”), you shouldn’t trap yourself within one social
bubble. Different circles bring different opportunities. One night
you’re at a gallery opening talking to artists, the next you’re at a
business conference chatting with entrepreneurs. The broader your
reach, the richer your network. You never know when or where a
new connection could lead to something life-changing. And you
don’t need to be the loudest person in the room. You need to be the
most intentional. Show up at the right events, join the right
communities, and engage with people who can elevate you. Hanging
out with the same people every weekend? Great for comfort, terrible
for growth.
2)Don’t be careless of who you bring as your plus-one. When
you’re invited to an event—whether it’s a cocktail party, a work
gathering, or a fashion show—your companion can either help or
hinder your networking efforts. I’ve made the mistake of bringing
my best friend or, even worse, my lovers to events, thinking it would
be a great time. And it was a good time, however, we’d end up
talking to each other and having drinks the whole night while
completely wasting the opportunity to meet anyone new.
If it is a strategically important gathering for you, bring
someone who complements your goal. Ideally, choose a plus-one
who’s equally interested in meeting new people, not just having
drinks for free (although that’s usually one of my biggest
motivations ngl). Even better if they’re good at hyping you up
during introductions. The right plus-one can make you look more
impressive while also helping you ease into conversations.
But let’s be clear—networking is not about collecting business
cards like situationships. It’s about cultivating real relationships.
When you approach someone, don’t just think, "What can I get from
this person?" Think, "How can I create value in this connection?" That
mindset shift changes everything. People can smell desperation, and
it’s unsexy.
Whether you like it or not, networking is essential for your
success. Nurture it, and you’ll find doors opening that you didn’t
even know existed.
2. How to sell yourself
Let’s say you’ve started building network. You’re being invited
to events, you know people, and people know you. But being known
and being valued are not the same thing.Just because people
recognize your face and say hi doesn’t mean they take you seriously.
I’ve seen it countless times—those people who show up at every
event, everywhere, all the time and yet, everyone knows them as
someone’s plus-one. Is this a bit harsh? Yes, but I’m giving you the
taste of reality. And trust me—you don’t want to be that person.
You want to be memorable, respected, and most importantly,
valued. For that, you need to master the art of selling yourself.
We all dream of having our Jennifer Lawrence moment—being
randomly discovered on the streets of New York City, spotted by a
talent scout, and catapulted into worldwide fame and success.
Sounds like the dream, right? And the first instinct is to think,
“Wow, she was so lucky.” And yes, being in the right place at the
right time plays a role. But let’s be honest—the scout wouldn’t have
noticed her if there wasn’t something magnetic about her.
It was her innate confidence, charisma, and the way she carried
herself that caught his attention in the first place. And when it came
time to audition, those same qualities—self-assuredness, personality,
and authenticity—helped her land the role. Luck favors those who
are ready for it.
That’s exactly why we started this book with Chapter 1:
Mindset and Chapter 2: Self-Esteem. To attract opportunities and
draw people into your network, you need that internal glow that
makes you stand out. People are naturally drawn to those who
exude self-confidence and carry themselves with assurance.
But inner confidence isn’t the only piece of the puzzle. Beyond
feeling good about yourself, you need to know how to present
yourself and highlight your strengths. To be able to do that, you first
need to understand what makes you valuable. Take a moment to
identify your unique value proposition—the combination of your
skills, experiences, and personality that sets you apart. And
authenticity is non-negotiable. If you exaggerate or try to be
someone you’re not, you’ll lose credibility. Your personal brand
should be an amplified version of your best self—not a fabricated
persona. Be genuine.
Sometimes it can be easier said than done. Even when you
recognize your strengths, you can feel shy talking about it. To work
around that, try this trick: talk about yourself like you’re talking
about your best friend. When we talk about our best friends, we
don’t just list their achievements—we kind of exaggerate them. Like
it’s the best, most talented, bright and skinniest angel that has
graced the Earth. And we genuinely believe they deserve the world.
You need to learn to do the same for yourself.
Your presentation doesn’t end with what you say—it extends to
who you surround yourself with. I touched on this earlier, but it’s
crucial enough to repeat: be strategic about whom you bring to key
events. I first came across this concept in The Art of Thinking Clearly
by Rolf Dobelli, specifically in the chapter called "Leave Your
Supermodel Friends at Home." The principle he explains is known as
the contrast effect—we tend to judge things relative to what’s
around them. For example, someone looks more attractive next to
less attractive people. This applies to everything—intelligence,
charisma, competence.
So when you’re attending an event where you need to impress—
be it an investor meeting, a potential job opportunity, or an industry
mixer—don’t bring someone who might unintentionally outshine you. I
know it might sound a bit superficial, and I’m not saying you should
only hang out with people who make you look better by
comparison. I’m a strong believer that we all need friends who
elevate us. But in some cases you have to be strategic.
Networking gets you in the room; selling yourself keeps you in
people’s minds. It’s about crafting your image, being mindful of
your surroundings, and presenting yourself in the best possible light
without sacrificing authenticity. Play the game wisely. Be confident,
be strategic, and above all—own your worth.
3. You will never succeed alone
There’s a romanticized idea that success is a solo journey. Have
you seen these motivational posts with cold quotes channeling lonewolf energy in low-resolution? Yeah so that’s nonsense for men who
pay for courses on how to be an alpha male.
I had an opportunity to talk with very successful businessmen
and millionaires. And all of them said the same thing: “You can’t win
alone.” Sure, you can manage on your own in the beginning, but
eventually, growth becomes overwhelming. What worked when you
were just starting out won’t sustain you when things scale. You’ll hit
a wall, not because you’re incapable, but because no one can do
everything alone. And at that point, it is important to delegate.
If you’re aiming for something big, you’ll need people in your
corner. And here I’m not talking people in your network, I’m saying
people in your team. Not just to lighten the workload, but to elevate
your work and sharpen your vision. A good team does three things:
✅ Speeds Up Progress: Delegating isn’t laziness—it’s strategy. Why
waste hours on something someone else can do faster and better?
✅Brings Fresh Perspectives: No matter how smart you are, you have
blind spots. Other people challenge your thinking and introduce
ideas you’d never consider alone.
✅ Provides Emotional Support: Chasing big goals is hard. Having
people who believe in the mission helps you push through doubt and
setbacks.
So, if teams are so crucial, why do people resist them?
🔸 Pride: Some believe doing it alone is more impressive. But it’s just
self-sabotage. Asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
🔸 Control Issues: “No one can do it as well as I can.” Maybe, but
micromanaging slows you down. Letting go of the small stuff lets
you focus on what truly matters.
🔸 Greed: Holding onto everything for yourself seems smart—until
you realize 100% of something small is worth less than 50% of
something massive. Collaboration multiplies opportunities;
hoarding limits them.
The reality is simple: to level up, you need to let go. Successful
people don’t spend their time micromanaging—they focus on
decisions only they can make. If you’re stuck handling every detail,
you’ll never see the bigger picture.
Building a team isn’t just practical—it’s essential. Your vision
deserves more than what you can do alone.
4. Creating opportunities
Let’s say you’ve followed everything in this book so far. Your
mindset is sharp, your self-esteem is unshakable, your social skills
are magnetic, and your network is growing like a well-watered plant.
People are impressed by you—by your presence, your confidence,
your skills. That’s already a huge achievement. Opportunities will
naturally start coming your way. But you can’t stay passive.
Building a network and being memorable is just the first step.
Your next move is to leverage that network. Think beyond “Who do
I know?” and ask yourself “How can I connect the dots to create
something valuable?” True masters of networking aren’t just wellconnected—they utilize those connections.
Let me give you a practical example. Imagine you know
someone who’s a brilliant photographer and another friend who’s
obsessed with baking. At first glance, their skills seem worlds apart
—one captures moments, the other makes pastries. But what if you
brought them together and launched a high-end dessert brand with
stunning visual storytelling? Now, I am not saying this will 100%
become the next billion-dollar empire. But that’s not the point. It’s
about seeing connections where others don’t.
If you want to keep attracting opportunities, you need to
maintain your network. Connections fade if you don’t nurture them.
You don’t need to be best friends with everyone, but a simple text or
an occasional coffee catch-up keeps you on people’s radar.
Psychologically, when people need help or want to start a project,
they think of the people they’ve most recently interacted with. Be
that person.
Hosting your own gatherings is another power move. Organize
a small dinner or a casual drink with different people from various
circles. By doing this, you not only strengthen your connections but
also position yourself as someone who creates spaces—someone
people associate with opportunities and good times.
Switch your mindset to be more entrepreneurial, regardless of
your field. Don’t sit around thinking, “I’ve built my network, now
opportunities will just come.” No. You need to stay top of mind. Be
the person people think of first when they need someone sharp,
reliable, and resourceful.
And remember: even if you create an opportunity and it fails,
you still win. Why? Because action breeds momentum. Failed
attempts often open doors you didn’t anticipate. Connections
deepen, new ideas form, and suddenly, what seemed like a dead end
becomes a new beginning.
Bottom line? Don’t just wait, be proactive. Stay memorable.
Play your network like an instrument: connect the right chords and
create a symphony of opportunities.
Love & Relationships: Reign Without Raising a
Sword
You can be successful in every other area of life—crushing it in
business, mastering social skills, building an unshakable mindset—
but love and relationships? That’s where even the best of us slip up.
It’s the one domain where logic often takes a backseat, emotions
drive the car, and before you know it, you’re stranded on the side of
the road wondering how you got there.
Even I find myself learning new lessons every few months,
courtesy of French men who keep unlocking surprise levels of
character development for me.
This chapter is about navigating relationships in a way that
benefits you. We’re not diving into manipulative, sadistic power
plays. Instead, we’re focusing on understanding male psychology—
how they think, what drives them, and how to work with that
knowledge to get what you want, without losing yourself in the
process.
1. Psychology of men
You’ll often hear women complain that men are impossible to
understand—as if their minds are some kind of cosmic puzzle. But
here’s the truth: men are actually quite simple creatures. Primitive,
even. Once you realize this, things become crystal clear.
Men revolve around three basic needs: sleep, eat, and sex. Their
moral compass and decision-making center are in their balls. And
their most prized yet most fragile possession is their ego. You might
have also noticed that in terms of emotional intelligence, men are
closer to furniture than to a human-being. Of course, this has its
own social explanations, and certainly not all men are like this, but
their absolute majority. They’re navigating a world that taught them
to express affection through punching their friends on the arm
instead of saying, “Hey, I care about you.”
The real issue many women face is trying to understand men
through a feminine lens. They project their way of thinking, their
emotional complexity, and their style of communication onto men.
But men operate differently. They build relationships differently,
love differently, express affection differently, and prioritize things
differently. While women are out here overthinking every text, every
gesture, and every subtle nuance—men? They’re not playing 4D
chess. Most of the time, their reasoning is so basic it’s almost
comical. What seems like mixed signals or emotional depth is often
just a simple lack of interest. Once you accept it, it’s liberating.
This concept reminds me of a passage from The Little Prince by
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. The Little Prince visits a planet ruled by
a king who claims he governs everything.
At one point, the king says:
"If I ordered a general to fly from one flower to another like a
butterfly, or to write a tragic drama, or to turn into a sea bird, and if
the general did not carry out the order, whose fault would it be? Mine
or his?"
The main idea of this phrase is that you can’t expect someone to
give you what they aren’t capable of providing. If a man isn’t naturally
emotionally articulate or doesn’t express love the way you wish he
would, demanding it from him is like asking a pig to grow wings and
flutter away. It’s not going to happen. You’re setting yourself up for
disappointment.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not telling you to drop your
standards. You should absolutely have standards. But make sure
they’re rooted in reality. Expecting a man to change overnight or
morph into someone he’s fundamentally not is wishful thinking.
Change takes time, effort, and patience. If you want to guide a man
toward being a better partner, you’ll need to be strategic and work
with what’s there—not against it.
At this point, you probably have a question: “Nikita, but how to
find an approach to someone who has emotional intelligence like a
stool?” And I have an answer: you need to understand some features
that will help develop your partner's emotional intelligence and,
most importantly, provide you with comfort and love in the
relationship.
Fact 1: Love isn’t the same for men and women, and if you
don’t get this, you’ll spend your life frustrated or worse—
deciphering texts that don’t mean anything.
Women’s love is deeply emotional, often self-sacrificing. We
grow up on fairy tales where men change their lives for love, but in
reality? That rarely happens. Meanwhile, women? They can switch
cities, jobs, and entire personalities for men who can’t even switch
their bedsheets.
Men love with their eyes. That “love at first sight” effect? It
happens to them way more. Try asking men and women if they
believe in it. In my experience, most women will say “No, love takes
time.” And a guy will always have a story about this intense crush
when he was in high school or something.
Women, on the other hand, love with their ears—they crave
words, validation, sweet nothings whispered at the right moment.
And men know this. That’s why the worst of them will say exactly
what you want to hear while doing the bare minimum.
Fact 2: Men bond through activities. Science backs this up—
moving a couch together can mean more to him than a deep talk
about how it made you feel. I know, tragic. What about those allnight rom-com conversations? In my experience, the best you’ll get is
either: 1) a monologue of his philosophical thoughts which you had
in your head when you were 12 years old, or 2) trauma-dumping
about how life is unfair. There are exceptions but they are rare.
Here’s the fix: If, like me, you thrive on compliments and grand
declarations (I miss the times when men would write you poems and
then died in war), you need to create space for emotional dialogue.
And yes, that means explaining to him—plainly, directly—that
words of affirmation matter to you and that he’s safe to express his
own emotions.
In some cases, male socialization is barely a step ahead of
monkeys. (Not an insult—scientifically speaking, they’re
conditioned to suppress "soft" emotions.) But if you can show him
the example, create a space where he feels safe and understood—you
may discover some depth to him. And also, win his emotional
loyalty (physical is a different topic).
Fact 3: Women often desire more behavioral changes in
relationships than men. In my experience, women are naturally more
self-aware and open to healthy self-criticism. Men? Let’s just say
they don’t always have that same instinct.
According to the study "Desired Change in Couples," men tend
to hear the word change and immediately panic. Their thought
process? Oh no, she’s going to rearrange my unique personality. But
let’s be honest—maybe texting back in less than two weeks isn’t a
complete destruction of your individuality.
Therefore, be clear, direct, and frame change as a benefit, not a
demand. Instead of "You never text me back, it's so frustrating!", try
"I feel closer to you when we stay in touch throughout the day." Men
respond better to solutions than to complaints.
Understanding these aspects of male psychology will allow you
to reduce the amount of anxiety while also helping you navigate
relationships with clarity and confidence. Instead of feeling
frustrated by differences, you’ll know how to communicate in a way
that actually gets results. When you approach relationships with this
awareness, you’re not just reacting—you’re strategizing. And that’s
how you get what you want while also building a connection that
benefits you long-term.
2. Red flags vs green flags
Most people mess up their love lives before they even enter a
relationship. Why? Because they see a walking red flag and run
straight toward it like a bull in a matador’s arena. Some people
could have a literal neon sign flashing "WARNING: Emotional
Damage Ahead", and yet, here they are getting picked anyway ‘for
the plot’ or ‘to entertain the group chat’.
Here’s the truth: if you keep choosing emotionally unavailable,
narcissistic, selfish, or immature people, no amount of relationship
advice will save you. You can be the most understanding,
supportive, high-value partner on Earth, but if they’re
fundamentally not ready for a healthy relationship, nothing you do
will change that. And how Thewizardliz once said, “Even his mother
couldn’t change him.”
That’s why success in love life doesn’t start when you enter a
relationship—it starts in the selection process. If you want a fulfilling,
drama-free love life, you need to develop a strong filter. Spot the red
flags early so you don’t waste your time. And just as importantly,
recognize the green flags—the signs that a man is emotionally stable,
secure, and capable of building something meaningful with you.
Now let’s go through the most common red flags and green
flags.
Red flags:
Only Available When It’s Convenient for THEM.
If your “friend” only calls when they need a favor or your
“boyfriend” texts exclusively at 2 AM when he’s horny,
congratulations—you’re either a situationship therapist or a backup
hookup plan. Think back: When was the last time he actually asked
how you were doing? If you can’t confidently answer “the last time
we talked,” turn on your logic and draw a conclusion.
Talking About Their Ex Constantly.
Once is a story. Twice is a pattern. Three times? Honey, you’re on a
date with both of them. Be a third wheel forever or choose yourself
and find someone who has moved on.
Emotional Rollercoaster.
In private, he's perfect. In public, he’s distant, cold, or suddenly "too
busy" to acknowledge you. The guy who was just laughing with you
now acts like a stranger. And no, it’s not just a bad mood—he
doesn’t want to be associated with you. Respect yourself and leave.
They Never Apologize (or Their Apologies Suck).
"I'm sorry you feel that way" isn’t an apology—it’s gaslighting with a
side of condescension.
All Talk, No Action.
He says he’ll change, but the only thing he changes is the subject.
Sweet words don’t build trust—actions do.
They Diminish Your Achievements.
"Oh, you got a promotion? Must be nice to have an easy job." Jealousy
disguised as humor isn’t funny—it’s toxic. And people whose egos
are more fragile than an antique vase? The worst.
Green flags:
Consistent Communication.
They don’t vanish for days and then reappear with a lazy “hey
stranger” or “are you asleep?” Revolutionary, right?
They Celebrate Your Wins.
Got a promotion? They’re your biggest cheerleader and encourage
you to go even further.
Healthy Boundaries.
They respect your need for space—and aren’t offended when you
just want to Netflix without the chill. A good friend or partner
values your comfort and emotional well-being without trying to
break you down or apply pressure.
They Apologize... and Mean It.
"I messed up. I’ll do better." (And they actually DO.) Simple, sincere,
effective.
Consistent Effort, Not Just Grand Gestures.
Yes, flowers are cute. But remembering your coffee order? Sending a
supportive text before your big presentation? Booking your favorite
restaurant to celebrate your promotion? That’s attentive energy.
Chef’s kiss.
They Push You to Be Your Best—Not Just for Their Comfort.
Growth should be a joint venture, not a one-person project. The best
relationships are those where you both grow, support, and inspire
each other.
3. Princess treatment
I’ve always been on the receiving end of princess treatment.
And by that, I don’t just mean men paying for things or buying gifts
—I mean being genuinely prioritized, cared for, and receiving
gentlemanly treatment. My female friends often ask, How do you do
it? How come men treat you better than us? And honestly, for the
longest time, I didn’t even realize what I was doing. It wasn’t
calculated; it just came naturally. But after reflecting on it, I came to
one simple conclusion: it all comes down to a man’s ego.
Now, before we get into that, let’s address something. The
internet is full of advice on how to make a man chase you—things
like ignoring his texts, playing hot and cold, or subtly tearing down
his confidence so he has to prove himself to you. Sure, these tricks
work, but only in the short term. A guy might chase you for a while,
but eventually, he’ll get tired and move on. True princess treatment
isn’t about manipulation—it’s about understanding male psychology
and making him want to treat you well.
Step 1: Be his safe space. Men rarely get to express their
emotions openly. Society doesn’t encourage it, and many men don’t
even know how. But when a man finds someone who truly listens,
understands, and supports him, that person becomes precious to
him. If you create a space where he feels safe enough to open up,
he’ll naturally want to protect, provide, and care for you.
Now, be careful. Some men are emotional vampires who will use you
as their personal therapist while giving nothing in return.
We covered that in red flags. But assuming you’re dealing with a
good man, being his confidante strengthens his attachment to
you—and in return, he’ll instinctively want to take care of you.
Step 2: Use strategic projection. Men’s egos are everything, and
you can use this to your advantage. If you want a man to behave a
certain way, don’t nag him—assign him a role he’ll want to fulfill.
For example, once I casually told a guy, “I feel so safe around you.”
You should have seen his face. From that moment on, he took it
upon himself to be my personal bodyguard in clubs—leading me
through the crowd, making sure no one touched me. All because I
gave him an identity that made him feel important.
Men thrive on roles that make them feel strong, capable, and
needed. Want him to be more considerate? Say, “I love how
thoughtful you are.” Want him to be more ambitious? Try, “I really
admire your drive.” Once a man sees himself a certain way, he’ll
subconsciously start acting the part.
Step 3: Acknowledge his effort. Men express care through
actions, not just words. That’s why it’s crucial to acknowledge when
they do something right. If he opens the door for you? “You’re such
a gentleman.” If he helps you with something? “Thank you, that was
really sweet of you.” This reinforcement makes him want to keep
doing more because, deep down, men crave appreciation.
The secret to princess treatment isn’t manipulation—it’s
psychology. When you make a man feel valued, he’ll naturally want to
go above and beyond for you. So forget the games. Use this instead,
and watch how men start treating you like royalty.
4. Boundaries
Boundaries are essential. They protect your sanity, energy, and
self-respect. Yet, many people hesitate to set them because they
don’t want to seem annoying, difficult, or dramatic. They prioritize
being comfortable for others—until they realize they’re the ones
getting drained.
If you want to be treated with respect, you need to walk into every
situation with clear boundaries. This isn’t about being demanding—
it’s about showing people how you expect to be treated.
And here’s the reality: men, or anyone for that matter, will only
give you what you allow. If they see they can cross lines without
consequences, they will. Not because they’re evil, but because they
know they can get away with it. A man isn’t going to sit there
thinking, “Wow, she’s so nice, I should treat her better.” No. If he
realizes he can mess up and you’ll stay silent, he’ll keep doing it.
But what happens when boundaries go too far? Imagine
someone treating relationships like a NASA checklist—one slip-up
and you’re blocked. At this point, boundaries stop being self-care
and start becoming self-sabotage.
Healthy boundaries say: “I deserve respect, and I won’t tolerate
mistreatment.” Toxic boundaries scream: “If you can’t read my mind,
never upset me, and meet impossible standards at all times, you’re
out.”
If you want a man to treat you right, show him how you expect
to be treated from day one. Men don’t learn through hints or silent
suffering—they learn through clear standards and consequences. If
he sees that he can flake, disrespect, or neglect you without losing
access to you, he won’t magically wake up one day and start valuing
you more. Set your boundaries early, and if he crosses them, enforce
them. No long speeches, no endless second chances—just action.
At the same time, don’t mistake standards for control. A
healthy relationship allows for human mistakes, growth, and
compromise. If you cut off every man for minor imperfections,
you’ll end up alone—not because you have “high value,” but
because you’re avoiding vulnerability. The goal isn’t to create a
checklist no one can meet; it’s to attract a man who respects your
boundaries while also being allowed to be himself. Balance is key—
demand respect, but also give space for genuine connection.
My Recommendations
Books
The 48 Laws of Power – Robert Greene (A must-read for
understanding influence and strategy.)
The Art of Seduction – Robert Greene (How charisma and
attraction actually work.)
The Art of Thinking Clearly – Rolf Dobelli (How to avoid
cognitive biases and make smarter decisions.)
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind – Yuval Noah Harari
(Understanding human psychology through history.)
21 Lessons for the 21st Century – Yuval Noah Harari (A sharp
analysis of the modern world and how to navigate it.)
Atomic Habits – James Clear (How small habits lead to massive
success.)
Never Split the Difference – Chris Voss (Master the art of
negotiation—useful in everything from business to
relationships.)
Movies
The Devil Wears Prada (Confidence, ambition, and knowing
your worth in a cutthroat world.)
WeCrashed (A brilliant showcase of confidence, self-branding,
and manipulation at its finest.)
The Favourite (A masterclass in power, seduction, and social
strategy.)
The Social Network (How ambition and knowing your worth
can make or break you.)
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (The essence of seduction, power,
and femme fatale energy.)
Speeches
This Is Water – David Foster Wallace (The most iconic speech
on perspective and self-awareness.)