Note: I should see four different applications to main ideas/stats from the lessons on predictors
of relationship success and divorce. There should be evidence of knowledge and statistics from
love maps, the risk factors for divorce such as poverty, intermarriage, blended families, videos
on things couples who fight fair are doing, negative communication styles or patterns, and
relationship skills from videos like mutuality, emotional regulation, love maps, and love
languages.
In class, we watched episodes 1 (link below) and 2 of couple's therapy, in which four
couples were recorded discussing their lives and relationship dynamics with a couple's
therapist.
I used episode 1 and other episodes on YouTube:
youtube.com/watch?v=w8vVG8SDEmg&pp=ygUJI3RoY291cGxl
1. Your task is to observe the experiences of the four couples and make two different
applications between any concepts from the unit on predictors of relationship success/marital
success and examples from the couples in the episodes (for example, you relate the idea of
love maps to Annie and Mau by explaining what a love map is and what research says about it
being predictive of success and then discussing a specific example of where Annie and Mau
built a love map in the episode).
Negative communication style for Mau and Annie: Studies show that 65% of experts claim
that not communicating properly lets trust and doubt build up to a point where one partner lets
the other control him/her. In the episode where Annie explains how Mau does not like the
present that she was going to give him, and in Mau’s words of “I want Annie to expect what I
want without telling her too," this just ruins things in the relationship since Annie cannot just
telepathically read Mau’s mind to know what he wants. Additionally, Mau dismisses Annie’s
concerns whenever she wants to discuss with him about how they engage in conversations or
she shows concerns about how he acts. Mau has some serious problems with something like
maternal wanting of his partner to baby him. And Annie is just really confused and upset about
how to make Mau happy. Annie would need more therapy to understand herself and to get out
of this emotionally abusive and neglective relationship.
Negative communication style for Elaine and Desean: Elaine wants to control Desean to
listen to her demands; she does not understand his sympathy for other people and is angry
when Desean explains why he went to the funeral of his coworker instead of listening to what
she wanted him to do. They are not communicating very well. No matter what Desean does, it is
not good enough for Elaine. Elaine bothers him with constant texts when he is at work. Elaine
wants to know what he is always doing, even if they just spoke. They have a negative
communication style and it is affecting both of them really badly. Desean feels unheard while
Elaine struggles to express vulnerability in the episode. 65% of experts claim that
communication problems are the number one cause of divorce. As communication statistics in
relationships show, the lack of efficient and mutual communication eventually leads to a
breakup. Couples who cannot communicate effectively with each other are at higher risk of
divorce, as demonstrated by Elaine and Desean in this episode.
Emotional regulation for Sarah and Lauren: Emotional regulation is a matter of managing
together the emotional difficulties of both. Research has shown that how we deal with conflict in
a relationship and how we regulate the emotions resulting from those conflicts affect not only the
quality and longevity of the relationship but also our mental health. The transgender female and
her wife demonstrate emotional regulation during their discussion about having children. Sarah
shares her desire for a child to cure her sadness by saying, "It felt like my wife was taking this
away from me" when Lauren states concerns about having children. Sarah proves to be unable
to control her emotional difficulty. Although Lauren understands it, she is just worried about
having a child and is not prepared after transitioning. Lauren expresses her own concerns while
acknowledging her wife Sarah's perspective by saying, "I wasn't going to say yes just because
of this. I'm not bringing a child into this world to fix things." Through these statements, each of
the couple is keeping her identity by expressing her concerns in an understandable manner.
Lauren wipes away Sarah's tears and remains in the moment as Sarah expresses her emotions,
understanding the troubles of both of them. This expresses Lauren’s willingness to listen to her
partner’s difficulties and also provide emotional support to her.
Love maps for Evelyn and Alan: According to Gottman, a love map for one's intimate partner
is an important predictor of long-term relationship satisfaction and stability. In the episode of
Couples Therapy, Evelyn and Alan are struggling to connect and understand each other. Alan
thinks he cannot ever make Evelyn happy and it is all Evelyn’s fault. This is using an “I”
statement, and this hurts Evelyn as she tries to explain how, at the beginning of their date, she
listed her expectations about him that Alan is struggling to fulfill. This causes a lot of doubts and
issues in their relationship. Throughout the episodes, they try to build their love map by talking
about their values and preferences.
2. Make two different applications between any concepts from the unit on predictors of
relationship failure/divorce and examples from the couples in the episodes. You will need
to identify the predictor of divorce or relationship failure, describe what it is and what the
research says about it(statistics) and then apply it to the couple by describing what they
do that demonstrates this (quote, example of body language, what they do, etc.).
An example of a predictor of relationship failure/divorce that can be seen in Elaine's behaviour
and actions is the trust issue—she texts Desean every day when he is at work, always wanting
to know what he is doing and where he is and expecting him to pick up and text back. This all
originated from how her own family blamed her for telling the location of her mother (who trusted
her) to the cops. And she never told her husband, Desean, any of this, which just shows the
lack of trust they have in their relationship. But Desean clearly has a lot of love for his wife
Elaine, as he is flabbergasted at her traumatizing story and is sympathetic towards her. Elaine
does not have trust but Desean still tries to make her happy, even if she thinks it is not good
enough for her. Studies have shown that couples who feel unsupported and unappreciated by
their partner are more likely to experience relationship dissatisfaction and ultimately divorce, as
seen in the episode where Elaine tells the relationship expert that she lost interest after Desean
came home after work to ask her what the problem was by her text at his job.
Lack of Communication: In the first episode of "Couples Therapy," Annie and Mau struggle to
communicate effectively. Mau becomes defensive when Annie attempts to express herself,
causing frustration and resentment. As seen in the episode where Annie is expressing how
nothing she does can make Mau happy. We can see that Annie’s body language is frustrated
but she wants to make her husband happy even if it crosses boundaries. Mau looks relaxed and
calm but in reality, the way he is acting clearly shows that he finds this all silly and a waste of his
time, like mocking. This type of communication issue is very common in the predictor of
relationships, and divorce happens a lot because of this, as it makes people incapable of
resolving conflicts and of understanding each other's points of view. According to research, a
lack of emotional connection is a strong predictor of relationship failure and divorce. In the
episode, Annie expresses a desire for a deeper connection with Mau, but he appears to be
hesitant to engage, and he wants to talk about something else. He mostly shuts down or avoids
discussions about their relationship, widening the gap between them.