TWISTED FATE
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ASHLEY CADE
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Copyright © 2023 by Ashley Cade. All rights reserved
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without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and punishable by fines and federal imprisonment.
This book is a work of fiction and does not represent any individual, living or dead. Names,
characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used
fictitiously.
Book cover design by Pixel Mischief Design
Formatting by Classic Interior Design
Professionally edited by Silla Webb
Proofreading by Tiffany Hernandez
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CONTENTS
Content Warning
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Epilogue
Excerpt From Reckless Abandon
Also by Ashley Cade
Acknowledgments
About the Author
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CONTENT WARNING
This book contains sensitive subject matter that may be difficult for some
readers. Twisted Fate is a highly emotional story that touches on difficult
topics, and as such, possible triggers exist within these pages. It is my
sincere hope that I’ve handled these topics as delicately and mindfully as
possible.
To review a full list of potential triggers, click HERE.
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PROLOGUE
D elilah
“Y ou look utterly fuckable in that dress ,” my roommate , D ani ,
crooned from her perch at the end of my bed. “You won’t have any trouble
getting laid tonight.”
I rolled my eyes, despite fighting back a smile. It took me a while to get
used to Danielle’s bluntness and mouth that rivaled any sailor’s. Living with
her the past two years had done the trick. She was my closest friend here at
college, and if I could take her back with me to Willow Brook Falls, I
would. She’d fit right in with the rest of the crew. Too bad she wasn’t
interested in living in small town Virginia. She would most likely head back
to Baltimore after we graduated, but I’d make sure we always stayed in
touch.
“I just want to go out and have fun. I’m not interested in hooking up
with anybody,” I informed her. It had been a few months since I’d broken
up with Chad, and I was in no hurry to jump into something else, even if it
was just casual.
“You’re not still hung up on preppy boy, are you?” I shot her a glare,
and she held up her hands. “I’m just asking. You guys dated for a long time.
I thought maybe you still had feelings for him.”
My feelings for Chadwick Townsend–heir to the Townsend fortune and
future millionaire–were complicated. I’d once fancied myself in love with
him, but realized I’d been blinded by extravagant gifts and lavish trips I
never would’ve experienced on my own. No one had ever given me the
attention he had. I always seemed to be at the forefront of his mind, and at
first, he’d treated me like a queen. But then something shifted. He became
overly possessive and incredibly jealous, especially when we were around
my friends.
The tipping point came this summer after we had dinner with my
friends back in Willow Brook Falls. He accused me of sleeping with one of
my oldest friends, Cameron, and grabbed my arm hard enough to leave a
mark. He apologized, of course, but the encounter left me unsettled. Still, I
gave him another chance and a few weeks later, it happened again. He
didn’t put his hands on me that time but caged me in with his arms, my
back against the wall and swore that he owned me, and no other man was
ever to touch me again.
That was the moment I knew I needed to get out. He would hurt me or
someone I loved if we continued on this path. I waited until he was back
home and called him to tell him I was ending things. He went ballistic,
yelling and screaming that I couldn’t do this to him and that we were soul
mates. It got ugly, and we were both crying by the end, but it had to be
done.
For weeks he called and texted, begging me to reconsider. I finally
blocked his number, and when he resorted to messaging me on social
media, I blocked him there too.
“Plus, I think Michaela is sleeping with Byron again and…” Dani
prattled on as we walked down the street toward fraternity row. I’d zoned
out with the flood of memories about Chad crashing over me.
There were cars lining each side of the street when we rounded the
corner, and I was thankful we opted to walk the few blocks instead of taking
Dani’s Honda even though we nearly froze our asses off on the way over.
Music drifted from the house as we approached, the party already in full
swing. We scurried up the sidewalk, eager to get out of the chilly evening
air. Several heads turned to us when we stepped inside. Hungry gazes from
frat guys followed us as we made our way through the house.
Heading straight for the kitchen, we found Michaela and Chelsea
huddled around the island where several bottles of liquor stood next to an
array of mixes and two-liter bottles of pop. Each of them held a red plastic
cup in their hands. They squealed with delight when they spotted us and did
that shuffle-run women did when they wore super high heels.
We hugged, and they handed us each a cup. A guy I didn’t know draped
an arm across Michaela’s shoulder, while a second man I recognized from
the football team leaned against the counter and pulled Chelsea into his
side. We talked to our friends for a while as we sipped our drinks. When our
cups were empty, they were quickly refilled, and Dani and I decided to
make the rounds.
We managed to score a couple seats in the front room. It was the
farthest away from the source of the blaring music, so we were able to hear
each other talk. We were laughing with a couple of the fraternity brothers
when the door opened, letting in a cool gust of wind along with three guys
who looked like they’d gotten lost. The laughter fell from my lips when a
familiar blond head popped into the foyer.
Shit. What was he doing here?
This wasn’t his scene. He didn’t “lower” himself by going to frat
parties.
“Um, isn’t that your ex?” Dani asked, leaning into me.
“Yep,” I answered and drained the rest of my drink. The trio turned the
other way and walked into the opposite side of the house, and I breathed a
sigh of relief. Hopefully I could avoid him. It was a big house, and this
party was packed. I could totally get by without running into him.
I was so wrong.
After two full cups of whatever concoction my friends made, I needed a
restroom. The room swayed ever so slightly as I stood and made my way up
the stairs, cautiously gripping the rail so I wouldn’t fall. Once I was finished
in the restroom, I washed my hands and checked my reflection in the
mirror. After applying a layer of lip gloss, I pushed through the door. Some
of the bedroom doors were closed but most were open. There were guys
playing a video game in one and a couple making out hot and heavy in
another. I giggled as I walked past them and toward the stairway. The steps
creaked and groaned as someone ascended, and I stopped dead in my tracks
when I saw who it was.
A slow smile curved Chad’s lips. “Delilah,” he crooned, “I didn’t know
you would be here.” I got the impression he knew full well I’d be at this
party and that was the only reason he was here. He never came to these
before, practically turning his nose up at the prospect. That was why I quit
going. He made me feel trashy for wanting to hang out with my friends and
drink cheap beer like every other college student in the U.S., so I stopped. I
only attended cocktail hours at fancy hotels or country clubs while I dated
him.
Those days were long over. I was a typical college kid, not his arm
candy.
“Didn’t you?” I challenged, crossing my arms.
He paused, deliberating how he should answer. His lips quirked in a
charmingly crooked smile–the one that won me over the first time he asked
me out–and his signature dimples dented his cheeks as he looked at me
from beneath his lashes.
“Honestly?” he asked, and I nodded. “I wasn’t sure you’d be here, but I
hoped you’d come. I’ve really missed you.”
I shook my head and opened my mouth to respond, but he held up his
hands. “I know I messed up,” he admitted, his expression morphing into
one of regret. “I don’t blame you for breaking things off. I came on way too
strong, and I kinda lost my head a little bit,” he continued, shaking away the
memory. “I was hoping we could at least be friends. I miss having you in
my life.”
Unease crawled up my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck
stood on end. He didn’t want my friendship, that I was certain of, but his
calm, rational demeanor was setting off warning bells. I needed to get away
from him and fast.
I sighed and straightened my shoulders. He wasn’t going to like my
answer. “That’s not a good idea. Our relationship became toxic and
unhealthy. And judging by the way you acted toward the end, I don’t think
you’ll ever settle for being just friends. It’s best if we both just move on.”
Shock washed over his features, but he schooled them quickly, an air of
finely honed arrogance sliding over his face. “If that’s what you want,” he
offered.
“I do. It’s what’s best for both of us,” I emphasized. Resigned, he
nodded, defeat filling his eyes. Stepping aside, he motioned for me to pass,
and I rushed toward the stairs, taking them as quickly as I could without
falling and busting my ass. Regardless of what he said, I had a feeling he
didn’t respect my wishes at all.
“There you are,” Dani chimed once I returned. “Everything alright?”
she asked when she took in my distress.
“Yeah, I just ran into Chad.”
“Oh,” she remarked, her eyes going wide.
“It’s fine. It was just awkward,” I assured her.
“I know what will cure that,” she announced with a wicked grin. I
relaxed, a smile spreading over my lips. “Let’s get you a drink.” She
grabbed my hand and led me back to the kitchen. I was still rattled by the
run-in with my ex, but I was determined not to let that put a damper on my
night.
By a stroke of luck, I found my favorite bottle of wine among the
scattered bottles of booze. Only half of it was gone, so I grabbed the bottle
and upended it into a plastic cup.
“You want some?” I asked Dani as I poured the deep, blood red wine
into my cup.
She curled her nose as she checked out the label. “No thanks,” she
replied, her voice tinged with disgust. “I hate cranberries.” The holidays
were just around the corner, so the local winery had released their seasonal
flavors, and this cranberry wine was my absolute favorite.
“Suit yourself,” I said with a shrug and emptied the bottle. Soon the
alcohol coursing through my body began to take full effect. My vision
blurred, and my head swam.
Damn, I hadn’t realized I’d drank that much.
It didn’t take long for the spirits to go to my head, and I soon began
looking for somewhere to rest. There were no empty seats to be found, so I
left Dani to dance with our friends and pushed through the crowd. I
stumbled up the stairs to the second floor, looking for somewhere to lay my
head for a few minutes. I just needed a moment to gather myself. A door at
the end of the hall stood open, the soft glow of a lamp spilling a small cone
of light out into the hallway. The room was empty, so I plopped down onto
the bed and removed my heels.
I struggled to hold my eyes open as I rubbed my aching feet. Giving in
to the fatigue, I fell back and focused on the ceiling fan as I fought to stay
awake. I lost the battle, my lids falling closed as my mind grew foggier by
the second. They popped open at the sound of the door clicking shut.
Someone was in here with me.
They fell closed again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hold them
open for very long, nor could I find the strength to lift my head. A heavy
weight settled over me and panic rose in my throat like a scream, but when
I opened my mouth, nothing came out.
“Shhh,” the intruder soothed. “It’s okay. It’s just me.” I relaxed
momentarily at the sound of the familiar voice. Lips brushed my cheek and
I sighed, floating somewhere between sleep and consciousness.
The weight lifted, and I turned my head at the sound of a drawer sliding
open. A large, masculine hand riffled through the nightstand.
“Come on,” the voice muttered, frustration evident in his tone. “I know
you gotta keep some in here.” My eyes were too unfocused to see if he’d
found what he was looking for. I didn’t really care at that point. I just
wanted sleep. I was floating, a corporeal being drifting from earth,
untethered from my physical form.
“Fuck it,” he muttered and slammed the drawer closed.
I slipped in and out of consciousness as his hands gently caressed my
skin. His touch felt wrong, and I shied away from it, but he shushed me
again, smoothing my hair away from my face. Something ripped and there
was pressure against the insides of my thighs. I pushed against the heavy
weight pinning my body against the mattress, but it didn’t budge. My arms
were too heavy and fell bonelessly to my sides. All the fight left me, and
my muscles turned to Jell-O before everything faded to black, and I slipped
into oblivion.
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1
D elilah
T ears pooled at the corners of my eyes , but I blinked them away
before anyone could see. I prayed for the numbness I’d felt for the last
several weeks to wash over me.
“All done,” the technician chirped, and I jumped at the sound of her
snapping off her rubber gloves. White paper crinkled beneath me as I stood
from the exam table. I couldn’t make myself look at the grainy black and
white photo in my hand. If I did, I would lose my composure. I was barely
hanging onto it as it was.
Dazed, I listened to the doctor tell me that everything looked great, that
she’d prescribe me something for the nausea, and to make another
appointment for a month from now. Mercifully the numbness I craved
settled over me as I stepped into my shoes and tucked the picture into my
purse.
How would I tell my mom? What would I tell her? I couldn’t even
remember how it happened. I’d been too far gone that night. But still,
somehow I knew.
I pinched my eyes closed, fighting off the panic that threatened to
overtake me every time I thought about him. It was like I could still feel his
weight on top of me and his hot breath on my neck. It was a small mercy
that I’d blacked out before…
A wave of nausea rolled through me, and I gulped. Drawing in a deep
breath through my nose, I blew it out slowly with pursed lips, just like the
nurse showed me. Part of me was relieved I didn’t have any memory of
what happened, but the other part was consumed with shame. If I’d been
conscious—if I’d been stronger—I would have fought. I would have kicked
and screamed and clawed my way out. But I didn’t. He’d waited in the
shadows, watching me like a predator stalking its prey, and pounced when I
was at my weakest.
Suspicion niggled at the back of my mind. Had he somehow found a
way to slip something into my drink? I wouldn’t put it past him, and it
would explain how inebriated I was. I hadn’t drunk any more than usual,
and I didn’t remember ever being that wasted.
Shaking away those thoughts, I cleared my head and focused on what I
would tell my mom. I couldn’t tell her the truth. She would be devastated.
She’d want to go to the cops. I couldn’t do that, though. I didn’t come
forward when it happened, and I had no proof. They would never believe
me, anyway. His family had money. I already knew how this would play
out. They’d simply paint me as the poor, trashy party girl. He would claim
that he broke up with me, and I was trying to get back at him or I was after
his money. Guys like him never paid for what they did to people like me.
I’d be blamed for it, ridiculed by my peers after his defense attorneys tore
me to shreds. It was best to simply pretend like it had been a one-night
stand or some rando at a party.
My hands shook as I tried to unlock our front door. Dropping my keys, I
cursed as tears sprang to my eyes. My entire body vibrated as a cascade of
warring emotions overwhelmed me. I finally managed to get the door open
and pushed through it, closing it silently behind me. Maybe if I was quiet
enough, I could make it to my room without my mom noticing. I skirted
around the Christmas tree, its jolly blinking lights a cruel reminder that all
my joy had been stolen by a monster who decided if a woman was
unconscious, she couldn’t say no. And now I was pregnant with his child.
“There you are. I wondered where you went.” I froze at the sound of my
mother’s voice. For a few heartbeats, I stood there, my foot poised on the
bottom step of the staircase that would take me to my reprieve.
“Lilah,” she said, a lilt of concern in her soft voice. I turned to her, and
her smile faltered. She held a basket of freshly folded laundry in her hands,
and it struck me how hard she worked. It was her only day off, yet she
didn’t have a spare moment to herself. She would most likely catch up on
housework, then cook a big meal for my little brother and me to have for
the next few days while she pulled twelve hour shifts at the hospital. If this
was what it took to be a mother, I didn’t know if I had it in me. How would
I raise a child on my own like she has for the past thirteen years since my
father left? I wasn’t strong like her. I wasn’t selfless and determined. There
was no way I could do this right now. I was a mess.
My chin quivered, and I watched as fear flashed in her eyes. The
floodgates opened, and she dropped the basket. It landed with a thud on the
hardwood floor. She caught me in her arms as my knees buckled, and she
held me as I cried.
When my body-wracking sobs finally subsided and there were no tears
left to cry, I told her about the pregnancy. I left out the part where Chad
forced himself on me, claiming it happened at a party and I didn’t know his
name, so she wouldn’t have to live with that ugliness staining her soul.
“We’ll figure this out,” she promised, pushing the hair back from my
face, her thumbs rubbing soothingly over my tear-stained cheeks.
W ithin days , my life was turned upside down . I’ d transferred
schools so I could be closer to home and my doctor. Before winter break
was over, I had all my things moved back home. I didn’t want to risk
running into anyone, especially Danielle. Deep down, I knew what
happened to me wasn’t her fault, but she left me that night. I hadn’t been
able to look at her the same since. Before we split for winter break, she kept
asking me what was wrong—clearly, she sensed something was amiss—but
I brushed her off, claiming it was stress from finals, when in reality, I was
slowly dying inside. There was no one there I could trust, and I wanted to
get away from them all.
She called me in a panic after she finally returned to our dorm when the
new semester started, and my side of the room was bare. I told her I
couldn’t afford the university anymore and had transferred to a school
closer to home. It wasn’t necessarily a lie. My mom really couldn’t afford
the exorbitant cost of me attending school there plus living on campus, even
with the scholarships. I had to get loans to fill in the gaps, and she worked
every hour of overtime they offered her to give me a top-notch education.
I avoided Dani’s calls and texts after that, claiming to be busy, when in
reality, I didn’t want any ties to that place. I wanted to put it all behind me
and move forward.
A couple weeks after moving back home, my mom sat me down to talk.
I drew in a shuddering breath as she gripped my trembling hands in hers.
Worry lines creased her forehead, and her tired eyes grew weary.
“I’m not going to pressure you into making any decisions. That’s not
what this is about,” she began, and I swallowed thickly. I wasn’t prepared
for this conversation, but it was coming whether I was ready or not.
Just like this baby.
“Ultimately, it’s up to you how you want to proceed, but I’ve been
talking to Darla,” she announced, and I winced. I didn’t want anyone in our
family knowing about my … situation. They would all find out eventually,
but I wasn’t ready to share this new development. “You know your cousin
Sarah and her husband Vance have been trying for a baby for a long time.”
Her sad eyes softened, and I knew what she was going to ask before the
words even left her mouth. “I know you’re not ready for this. I can see the
terror in your eyes any time we talk about it. I just want you to know there
are options out there. If you want to consider adoption, they would be the
perfect choice.”
She was right. My cousin Sarah would make a great mother. She’d
always been kind and patient, even when her little sister Emily and I got
into her makeup or made a mess of the house while she babysat us. She’d
always been like a mother hen, nurturing and protective. Now, at twentynine, she was much better suited to take care of a child than I was. Besides,
she had a loving husband and a stable home. It was entirely unfair that they
were unable to have children.
I didn’t know her husband well, but Vance seemed like a great guy.
They got married when I was a freshman in high school, but I was too selfabsorbed at the time to get to know him. If it didn’t have to do with my
friends or cheerleading, I wasn’t interested. Soon after the wedding, they
moved out of state for Vance’s job, and I only saw them on special
occasions. Even though I hadn't spent much time around him, he was
always nice to me, and Aunt Darla spoke highly of him. Sarah had chosen
to spend her life with him, and that told me everything I needed to know.
If I could hand select who would raise this child as their own, it would
be them. It also helped that Sarah and I looked just alike. We had both taken
after our moms who were twins. The biggest difference was she had brown
eyes where mine were blue. Any child of mine had a fairly high chance of
resembling her.
“Yes,” I said, cutting her off. She was saying something, but I couldn’t
hear her over the din of my thoughts.
Her eyes widened and she straightened, shock washing over her
features. “Are you sure? You have time to decide. You don’t have to—”
“I’m sure.” There was no hesitation, no doubt or worry that I was
making a rash decision. I’d been thinking about it non-stop for weeks,
weighing all my options. Adoption was already at the forefront of my mind.
This was what was best for everybody. I didn’t have the means to raise a
child, and I wouldn’t put the burden on my mother. There was a great
couple out there just waiting to become loving parents. It was the right
thing to do and the only choice I could live with.
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FOUR YEARS LATER…
D elilah
I stared at my reflection in the mirror , my eyes unseeing as I
secured the last button on my black skirt. Smoothing my hands over the
fabric, I took a deep, steadying breath. How could she be gone already? She
was so young; too young. And now I’d never see her smiling face again. I
wanted to scream. I wanted to rage at the unfairness of such a vibrant,
beautiful life being taken from this world far too soon, but that wouldn’t
help anybody.
Sliding into the passenger seat of my mom’s car, I buckled myself in
and folded my hands in my lap as she turned over the ignition. It was less
than an hour’s drive to the town where Sarah lived, but I hadn’t bothered to
make the trip since she moved back last year. It hurt too bad. I couldn’t
watch as someone else raised the child I’d given birth to even though it had
been what was best for both of us. It was an open adoption—something
Sarah had been adamant about—so I received pictures and updates about
Charlie. Sarah and Vance also made it known that I could visit any time, but
they never pressured me to do so. Sarah was the one person on this earth
that knew about Charlie’s conception. I’d confessed everything one day
after an appointment she came to with me. We were both emotional after
seeing the baby moving around on the ultrasound, and I broke down. She
held me as I cried and spilled my guts in the parking lot. Then I made her
promise not to tell a soul, not even her husband. Her hands clasped mine,
her teary eyes filled with determination, and she nodded her agreement, a
silent vow to hold my secret close to her heart.
Once Charlie was born, Sarah ensured that I knew I was always
welcome to visit. However, she never pushed the subject. She understood
my need to distance myself and take time to heal. That was why I had an
open invitation, but I never took her up on the offer.
I tried to once, on Charlie’s first birthday. Somehow, I built up the
courage to drive over three hours on a Saturday afternoon to see the
daughter I’d given up for the first time since we finalized the adoption. My
palms grew so damp I was surprised I didn’t lose my grip on the steering
wheel. Then again, I was holding it so tightly, I practically had to peel my
fingers off it when I put the car in park. That was when it happened.
I glanced up in time to see the front door to Vance and Sarah’s house
open, and my cousin stepped out to greet partygoers. And she wasn’t alone.
A beautiful, dark haired baby with rosy cheeks and a round, cherubic face
sat perched on her hip. The little girl gave a big toothy grin, bouncing
excitedly in her mom’s arms. Charlie looked so happy. Her bright beaming
smile caused my chest to ache with an equal measure of gratitude and
remorse. She was living her best life with two amazing, stable parents, and I
was about to crash into her world and complicate everything with my
presence. I couldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t.
So I turned around and headed home, my heart in my throat and tears
welling in my eyes. I never attempted to see her again.
At first, it was easier to justify staying away. I could blame the distance.
But when they decided they wanted to be near family, Vance found another
job closer to home, and they moved back. They were only forty-five
minutes away, and I still couldn’t bring myself to visit even though I
yearned to see my daughter. I’d worked hard over the last few years to heal,
and now that I was in a better place mentally and emotionally, the desire to
reconnect with her had grown to the point it was nearly overwhelming, but I
felt like I’d missed my chance. She wouldn’t know who I was, and I didn’t
want to disrupt her life by inserting myself into it now.
Regret and envy threatened to rise in my chest, but I shoved it down.
All I could see was everything I couldn’t have. Despite knowing I made the
right decision, those feelings wouldn’t stay buried. It was best if I just left
them all alone.
Now Sarah was gone, and I couldn’t tell her how wonderful I thought
she was. I couldn’t tell her I appreciated her taking my newborn daughter,
no questions asked, and giving her the life I couldn’t. There was no time left
to tell her that she’d been my saving grace that stormy summer night as she
held my hand and wiped the sweat from my brow while I pushed and
pushed and pushed. She cheered me on, letting me squeeze her fingers until
they turned white, then offered gentle words of praise as little wails filled
the room.
I cried when I held her the first time. It was the first moment I had any
doubts about placing her for adoption. When I saw Sarah’s eyes light up as
they took in the tiny baby swaddled in my arms, that doubt withered away.
It was for the best. Sarah would make a better mother. She could give my
baby girl the life that I couldn’t. She promised to love her and care for and
assured me I’d always have a place in her life if I wanted it.
Melancholy washed over me as I signed the last paper two days later,
finalizing the adoption. Sarah’s husband Vance watched me with gratitude
filling his eyes, before turning an adoring gaze to his beautiful wife. They
were perfect. They would make wonderful parents.
Those memories dissolved when we pulled up to the funeral home. My
cousin was gone, lost to an internal threat that had gone undetected. The
brain aneurysm ruptured one day while she was home alone. By the time
she was found, it was too late.
I squeezed my eyes closed against the onslaught of tears as we entered
the foyer. A few people milled about, but it was mostly empty. Everyone
must’ve already been in the main room, waiting to pay their respects.
A guest book stood open at a podium just inside the main entrance. As I
signed my name, the sound of scurrying feet approached.
“Mommy!” a tiny voice declared excitedly. There was a tug at my skirt,
and I turned to find a tiny blue-eyed beauty standing wide eyed and
expectant as she gazed up at me. I knew instantly who she was.
My daughter.
No, that wasn’t right. She was Sarah’s daughter. Charlotte. She was the
little girl whose world had just shattered into a million pieces with the loss
of the only mother she’d ever known.
Her smile fell as she took me in. “You’re not my mommy,” she crowed,
and her chin wobbled. Pain speared through my chest, and I gulped down
my hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, unsure what I was apologizing for: giving her
up or her mother being taken away suddenly and tragically. Maybe both.
“There you are,” a woman I didn’t know called, stepping into the
hallway. She bent forward and placed her hands on the little girl’s arms so
she’d face her. “What did I tell you about running off like that?” she
questioned, worry lacing her tone. She looked up at me and startled as
though she’d seen a ghost.
She gasped and pressed a hand to her chest as she stood. “You must be
Delilah,” she said breathlessly, clearly unsettled by seeing me. I scanned her
features, searching for recognition. She looked vaguely familiar, and it took
me a moment to register who she was: Vance’s mother, Vivian. I had seen
her in some of the photos Sarah sent me and the few times I was brave
enough to look at her social media.
“I am,” I confirmed. “I’m sorry we had to meet under these
circumstances.”
“Me too,” she intoned. It was clear she was in mourning along with the
rest of us. Her eyes were puffy, dark circles rimming the sunken orbits, and
her shoulders slumped with exhaustion. I remembered Sarah saying they
were close, that Vivian treated her like one of her own.
“Who dis lady?” Charlie’s sweet voice called up to us. “She wooks wike
my mommy.” Vivian eyed me warily, unsure how to respond.
“I’m your mommy’s cousin. Do you know what that means?” I asked,
and she shook her head, causing her chestnut curls to bounce in their
ponytail. “That means my mommy and your grandma, Darla, are sisters.”
Her mouth formed a surprised “o.”
“I didn’t know dat,” she said, causing a smile to curve my lips.
“Come on, sweetheart. Your daddy is probably wondering where we
went,” Vivian said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“Okay,” she acquiesced, and my heart constricted at her forlorn
expression. I watched her retreating form as longing settled into my chest.
She was perfect. A beautiful, vibrant child. And I’d given her up.
My mother's eyes brimmed with unshed tears as she watched the
woman usher the little girl away. In that moment, I felt like I’d taken
something away from her too. She’d never gotten the chance to be a
grandmother. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn’t seem to find my voice.
Her gaze found mine, and she squeezed my hand reassuringly as though she
could read my thoughts. She didn’t blame me for my decisions, but the guilt
still lurked in the farthest, darkest corner of my heart.
We walked into the parlor where the casket was displayed. Aunt Darla
stood off to the side, greeting family and friends, and I could see she was
barely holding it together. Uncle Jim stood next to her, an arm wrapped
around her small frame as though he was the only thing keeping her on her
feet. My cousin Emily stood next to her, an arm looped around her elbow,
her eyes red rimmed and misty. As soon as Darla’s gaze landed on us, that
finely held composure dissolved. My mom pulled her into a hug, and she
cried into her shoulder. Once Darla collected herself, she embraced me,
holding onto me so tightly I could barely draw a breath. I didn’t say a word,
though. If this was what she needed to make it through the day, I’d gladly
absorb some of her pain.
Tears coursed down Emily’s face as I pulled her into me next. Guilt
ripped through me as I held her, and she sobbed. We were close once, but
after the adoption and my subsequent spiral, I stopped returning her calls
and messages. She finally gave up, and I’d done nothing to bridge the gap,
just like with Sarah. Regret stole my breath as I absorbed her pain, and I
vowed to make amends for shutting her out of my life.
After a long moment, I released Emily and my mother and stepped
away to find a seat. Once we were settled, I scanned the crowd for Charlie.
I longed to see her again, the child I birthed three and a half years ago.
Somehow, despite the years that passed since I last saw her, I felt more
connected to her now. Perhaps it was the trauma I had been dealing with at
the time of her birth that prevented me from bonding with her, or the fact
that I’d given her to Sarah almost immediately, but time had only increased
my desire to get to know her.
Now wasn’t the time. She might not have understood what was
happening, but eventually, she would realize her mother was gone and she
wasn’t coming back. She’d need time to grieve, time to come to terms with
her new reality. I wouldn’t bring any more turmoil into her life.
I spotted her up front sitting next to a tall man in a suit, his shoulders
hunched and head hung low in despair. Vance. I couldn’t imagine what he
was going through. He was head over heels for Sarah. They were so happy.
Then it was all ripped away from him in the cruelest way possible. He didn't
even get a chance to say goodbye. He left one morning with a young,
healthy wife and when he returned, she was gone.
His mother sank into the chair next to him and rubbed his back. His
shoulders shook, and he turned into her as she wrapped her arms around
him. Slipping his glasses from his face, he wiped at his eyes. Tears
dampened my cheeks, and I rubbed the back of my hand across my nose. It
broke my heart to see that poor man suffering like he was.
When the time came to pay my respects, I approached the casket on
shaky legs. My mother gripped my hand to steady herself, and I worried
we’d both collapse under the weight of our grief. A sob broke free, and I
covered my mouth to muffle the sound. If I didn’t know any better, I
would’ve thought she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful with her hands
folded over her stomach, her pink cheeks belying her mortality. Whoever
did her makeup had done their best to make her look just like she had in
life. If it wasn’t for the stillness of her chest, I wouldn’t have believed she
was gone.
I turned to walk to my seat, stopping in my tracks when my gaze landed
on Sarah’s husband. His expression was unreadable, a flurry of emotions
flashing over his face. Within the same breath, he appeared hopeful then
horrified. I hurried down the aisle toward my seat in a rush to get away
from his scrutinizing glare.
Why did he look at me that way?
Several sets of eyes watched me with varying expressions. That was
when it hit me. I looked just like her. For a moment, Vance had seen his
dead wife’s face staring back at him. All these people who loved my cousin
saw her when they looked at me. I looked more like her than her own sister,
who took after their father. But Sarah and I were nearly carbon copies of
our mothers who were twins. It was no wonder they all stared at me like
they were seeing a ghost.
Unsettled, I made my excuses and ducked away to the restroom. I
hadn’t considered what seeing me would do to everyone. My presence here
seemed to make them uncomfortable. It was like driving a stake into their
already broken hearts. Perhaps it was best for me to leave.
I splashed some cool water on my face and neck before pulling out my
phone. I shot my mom a quick text to let her know I needed some air and
would be waiting for her outside.
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V ance
I couldn ’ t breathe . T he room had grown stuffy , and my suit jacket
was stifling. “I’ll be right back,” I said to no one in particular and stood
from my chair. I needed a moment to catch my breath. Seeing my wife’s
cousin—who was nearly identical to her—was a shock. I hadn’t expected
her to show today. She hadn’t accepted any of our invitations to visit since
Charlie was a baby, so I hadn’t thought she’d bother to come.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
My eyes drifted over the room. I didn’t know what I was searching for,
but it felt like I needed to find something. They landed on the empty chair
next to Darla’s sister as I passed rows of chairs facing my wife’s casket.
Sarah was really gone. And it was all my fault.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. They were too loud. The
room was too loud. I had to get out of here before I ended up curled into the
fetal position with my arms wrapped around my head, rocking in a corner
somewhere.
Cool air whipped across my face when I finally broke free of the room.
The front door slowly shut as though someone had just walked out of it.
Maybe I should do the same. Just leave and pretend like I wasn’t about to
bury my wife in the cold, hard ground.
I couldn’t do that. My daughter needed me. I needed her. I wasn’t sure
how we would get through this, but no matter what, we’d do it together.
The urge to see Delilah, to gaze upon the face that was so much like my
beloved’s, was overwhelming. I scrubbed my hands through my hair,
frustrated with myself for being so weak. Before I could berate myself
anymore, a door to my left swung open, and Delilah stepped out. I froze as
she smoothed her hands down her hair. Red rimmed her typically vibrant
eyes. They looked dull and lifeless now, just like I felt.
She halted in her tracks when she saw me, her eyes widening in
surprise. We stared at each other, our feet planted in place. I swallowed
hard, my throat bobbing as I took her in. She looked even more like Sarah
than I remembered. Their hair was the exact same shade, although Delilah’s
was a bit longer. The chocolate brown eyes I loved to get lost in were now a
cool blue staring sorrowfully back at me. Up close, I could see there were
other slight differences. Sarah’s nose was more upturned, and Delilah’s lips
were fuller. Nobody else would probably notice, but I knew every square
inch of Sarah’s face. The face I’d never see again.
“Vance,” Delilah whispered, and my stomach clenched. Even their
voices sounded alike. “I’m so very sorry.” Her words were punctuated with
stuttering breaths as she fought back tears. Before I could respond, she
crossed the short distance between us and threw her arms around me. My
eyes fell closed as I wrapped my arms around her. I let her hold me and
pretended she was someone else. Drawing in a deep breath, that fantasy was
shattered. She didn’t smell like Sarah. The sweet scent of warm vanilla was
replaced by crisp citron and an ocean breeze.
The embrace suddenly felt wrong. I pulled away and stepped out of her
reach. “Thank you so much for coming,” I offered with a nod and made to
walk past her, holding my breath. I hated that her scent was all wrong. I
hated it even more that I didn’t hate the fragrance that lingered on my suit
jacket long after she was gone.
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D elilah
I t had been nearly three months since the funeral , and I couldn ’ t
get Charlie off my mind. I thought about her every day and wished there
was something I could do to help. I heard through the grapevine that she
wasn’t doing very well at her new daycare. She was used to being home
with either her mom or Vivian. Sarah did freelance graphic design part
time, so Vance’s mom watched Charlie two days a week while she worked.
Now that Sarah was gone, Vivian still watched her as much as she could,
but she owned a flower shop in town that required her attention most days.
The other grandparents worked full-time, and there was no other family
available to babysit, so Vance had no other choice but to put Charlie in
daycare now that he was back to work. She wasn’t adjusting well to her
new routine, and my aunt was understandably concerned.
Vance was certainly struggling in his own way. He was trying to do
everything all on his own. His partner was gone. Did he have anyone to
lean on?
“Hey, you up for pizza? Mom said we could order whatever we want,”
my little brother, Deacon proclaimed, holding up my mom’s credit card and
waving it around. He’d busted into my room unannounced and uninvited as
usual.
I hated that I still lived at home, but I hadn’t saved up enough money to
move out yet. Jobs were few and far between, and all I’d managed to land
this school year were temporary sub positions. I had some interviews lined
up for positions that started in the fall, but they weren’t as close to home.
Beggars couldn’t be choosers, I guessed.
I’d expected to be further in my career at this point, but after giving
birth and finalizing the adoption, I spiraled into a deep, dark depression.
The circumstances surrounding Charlie’s conception left me nearly
paralyzed with fear and anxiety. I didn’t sleep well and shied away from
being touched, even by those I loved and trusted. With nothing to focus my
attention on any longer—like ensuring a healthy pregnancy—I let the
aftermath consume me. I had night terrors where I awoke soaked in sweat,
thinking I was back in that frat house bedroom. My panic attacks grew
more frequent and debilitating until it got so bad I barely left the house.
It took me a while to crawl my way out of that bottomless pit of despair,
but I did it. With the help of my mom and the right therapist, I managed to
get back to a place where I could finally see the light and got my life back
on track.
“Anchovies, mushrooms, and pineapple,” I replied just to watch him
grimace. I could joke again. I could smile and laugh in a way I hadn’t been
able to a few years ago, and it felt good.
“Ew. One of these days I’m actually going to order that for you, and
you’re going to have to eat it.”
I chuckled. “The usual, then.” We ordered the same thing every time, so
I didn’t know why he bothered asking. Sometimes, I wondered if he merely
did it to check in on me. He was a teenager and by all accounts should be
just as self-absorbed as I was at that age, but he was more intuitive than I
had been. He remembered the dark days when I couldn’t make myself crawl
out of bed, and that left a mark on him.
After dinner, I sank down on the couch next to my mom and rested my
head on her shoulder as we watched our favorite show. It was rare for us to
have these moments together due to her hectic work schedule, and I’d
missed out on it for so long while I struggled to find myself again, so I
soaked it up every chance I got.
Mom’s phone rang from the coffee table, and I shifted so she could lean
up and grab it. She answered it, greeting my aunt by name.
“Hey, Darla.” Her eyes filled with concern as Darla spoke. She was
struggling with Sarah’s death and usually called when she was at her
lowest. At least once a week, my mom spent an hour with her on the phone
or met up with her on her day off. It worried me she was calling this late on
a weeknight. Something must be wrong.
Mom stood and paced the floor, phone pressed to her ear as she
carefully listened. “Of course, you can,” she said after a moment. “No, I’m
at home. You can come any time,” she offered.
Worry filled my chest. What was so wrong she felt the need to come
here? Was it Charlie? Was she okay? Countless possibilities swirled in my
mind.
“Is everything alright?” I asked when she returned to the couch.
“Darla is worried about Charlie. Vance had to remove her from another
daycare today. They don’t know what they’re going to do until they can find
a new place to send her.” That was the second school she’d had to leave in
less than three months. They were running out of options.
An ache settled in my chest for the little girl who was grieving. She
shouldn’t have to face this kind of pain at such a young age. She had no
outlet for the big, unfamiliar emotions she was feeling and didn’t know how
to express herself when they became overwhelming.
Darla arrived shortly after our show ended, and I clicked off the TV as
Mom opened the door and led her to the kitchen. She poured her a glass of
sweet tea and slid it across the table. Darla took a sip before running her
fingers through her short blonde hair.
“I don’t know what they’re going to do,” she mused. “I have to work,
and Vivian doesn’t have enough help at the shop. She has to go in almost
every day,” Darla explained. Vance’s parents owned a few businesses, but
the flower shop was Vivian’s main focus. They’d seen a boom in business
lately but didn’t have the staff to keep up with the demand, so Vivian was
picking up the slack.
“There are no other preschools or daycares taking new students?”
“None in that area. The closest one we could find is almost an hour
away. He considered hiring a nanny, but nobody can start on such short
notice.”
I listened as Darla lamented their predicament, a solution slowly taking
shape in my mind.
No. It was impossible. Nobody would go for it.
“If I could afford to quit my job and watch her, I’d do it in a heartbeat,
but I can’t. And I’m not old enough to retire.”
My poor aunt was worrying herself sick over this. What they needed
was someone who could care for Charlie in the home, while also providing
her with an education since she would need to start preschool soon. I had
the exact skill set and training they needed for such a position, but would
anyone go for it? I had to try. If there was something—anything—I could
do to help, I had to offer.
“I could do it,” I said tentatively as I approached. Two sets of blue eyes
that matched mine turned my way. “I have a degree in early childhood
education, but don’t have a permanent position anywhere. I-I could work
my sub jobs around their schedule,” I added, my voice catching as I shook.
I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous to extend the offer. Perhaps it was
because I was desperate for them to say yes. It would give me the
opportunity to spend time with Charlie and maybe one day have a
relationship with her. I would never be able to replace Sarah. She was
Charlie’s mom, and I’d never do anything to diminish her role in Charlie’s
life. But I could be like an aunt. That roll suited me just fine.
Darla stared at me, eyes assessing, as she considered my proposal. She
glanced at my mom who also seemed to be weighing the possibility. She
nodded her head lightly, mentally determining that it wasn’t a half-bad idea.
“I don’t know, Lilah. It might be difficult for you considering…”
Darla’s words fell away with a wince, but she didn’t have to finish that
thought. It was clear what she meant, and she was right to be concerned. It
was an unusual situation and would need to be handled delicately, but it
seemed like the best solution considering the circumstances.
“I can talk to Vance,” she said finally. “Ultimately, it’s up to him.”
I nodded my understanding. Before I stepped away to leave them to
talk, I saw the worried look my aunt exchanged with my mom and hoped I
hadn’t just made a huge mistake. What if Vance agreed to this? I would end
up spending several days a week with the child I gave up who had no idea
who I was. It was a forty-five-minute commute each way. Maybe I
should’ve thought this through a little better before opening my big mouth.
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V ance
I set my laptop bag on the kitchen counter and loosened my tie . I t
had been a long day full of meetings and conference calls. I needed to focus
on work, but all I could think about was the conversation I’d had with Darla
last night.
I’d initially shot down the offer. How was I supposed to let my
daughter’s biological mother—the one who gave her up then practically cut
ties with us despite Sarah and I being open to letting her stay in Charlie’s
life—come to our home to watch her? Was this a ploy to get Charlie back?
Did she want to take her away from me now that Sarah was gone even
though I was the only father she’d over known? It would be a cold day in
hell before I let that happen.
Darla assured me that wasn’t her intention. I was skeptical, but Darla
knew Delilah in a way I didn’t. She begged me to trust her, reminding me
there really weren’t any other viable options on the table, and I
begrudgingly agreed.
We needed this. Charlie needed this. When I got the call from her
daycare after a particularly bad episode, they recommended Charlie see a
specialist. When she wasn’t tearful and clinging to her teddy bear, she was
lashing out at other kids and teachers alike, her actions fueled by grief. She
missed her mom, and she didn’t know how to cope with her emotions. Hell,
I was an adult and didn’t know how to cope with mine right now. Maybe we
both needed to see someone…
I looked into hiring a nanny when I realized daycare wasn’t going to
work for her, but I couldn’t find any with enough experience who was also
willing to work around my schedule. Some evenings, I got held over at the
office and didn’t make it home until after dinner. Whoever took care of my
child had to be flexible. And according to Darla, Delilah was.
My stomach knotted with regret. It would be hell seeing her every day,
her face reminding me of all I’d lost. Who was I kidding? Not a day went
by that I didn’t remember. It usually hit me seconds after I opened my eyes
in the morning. The other side of my bed was cold and empty when I
reached for my wife.
Just like my heart.
My phone buzzed from my pocket, and I pulled it out to find a message
from my mother-in-law. She was my go between when it came to Delilah.
Once I’d agreed to hire Delilah, there were a lot of details to work out. I had
a contract drawn up that detailed the terms of her employment and what she
would make as our nanny. I held my breath as I opened it.
D arla : S he signed
Saturday for a visit.
the contract and has agreed to come up
A ll the air left me in a whoosh , and my tense shoulders relaxed
for the first time in weeks. Despite my reservations, it was a relief to know I
would have a highly educated, well trained teacher taking care of my
daughter in her home, where she was most comfortable.
I just hoped her being Charlie’s biological mother wouldn't come back
to bite me in the ass.
I poured a cup of coffee and settled into a chair at the island .
Spring was just around the corner, so the mornings were still cool, but the
days were starting to warm up. I used to take my coffee out on the back
patio with my wife, but now that she was gone, I couldn’t bring myself to
sit out there with my morning cup anymore.
An exhausted sigh left my mouth, and I dropped my head into my
hands. I hadn’t slept well last night, or the night before, or the night before
that. Come to think of it, it had been months since I’d gotten a good night’s
rest. I stayed up long after Charlie went to bed, drowning myself in work,
then fell into a fitful sleep in the wee hours of the morning just to wake at
seven a.m. and do it all again.
I was a shell of a man, a tired, angry, lost soul wandering the world
without its other half. The only thing keeping me going most days was my
little girl. By the time she woke up, I was freshly showered and caffeinated
to within an inch of my life. If I had another drop of coffee, the palpitations
would start. I had it fine-tuned and knew exactly what my limit was.
My hands still shook as I dressed, my nerves taking over as anticipation
trailed up my spine. Delilah would be here this afternoon for a preliminary
visit. I wanted to give Charlie a chance to get used to the woman who’d be
spending so much time in her home and to familiarize Delilah with the
house.
I also wanted a chance to observe Delilah interacting with my daughter.
My mother told me about the brief meeting between them at Sarah’s funeral
when I told her I was considering hiring her. She admitted Delilah seemed
like a good fit, but shared the same skepticism I did. Only time would tell if
I’d made the right choice.
There was a timid knock on my door at a quarter ’til. I opened it,
somewhat surprised to see Delilah already. She stood there in a pale blue
dress with a navy cardigan, her hands clasped in front of her as she tangled
her fingers together nervously. She looked so much like Sarah, my chest
ached. My hands fisted at my sides as I fought the urge to tuck a rogue
strand of hair behind her ear.
“Sorry, I’m a little early,” she said sheepishly. “I kind of overestimated
how long it would take to get here.” My mouth suddenly went dry, and I
couldn’t speak. I simply nodded and stepped aside to let her in. She glanced
around, her head tipped back to take in the high ceilings. “You have a
beautiful home.”
I cleared my throat, hoping it would help me find my voice. “Thank
you,” I croaked. She turned to face me again, and I noticed her wringing her
hands. She was nervous. I was unsettled. We’d never get anywhere if I
didn’t take the initiative.
“Let’s start with a tour of the house.”
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D elilah
V ance was far gruffer than I remembered . H e had an all - business
attitude that was a stark contrast to my easy-going cousin. My heart ached
every time I thought of her. Her loss was felt as soon as you entered this
house. It was no longer a home without her in it, that much was obvious.
What I imagined was once loud and bright was now dull and quiet, even
with a three-year-old in the mix.
Speaking of…
“Where’s Charlie?” I asked, surprised she wasn’t around.
“Taking a nap,” he replied, not stopping to look at me. He led me
through the house like a man heading to the guillotine.
“Here’s the kitchen,” he announced as we entered the immaculate room.
Everything was top of the line from the appliances to the furnishings. The
countertops sparkled, and a faint scent of lemon lingered in the air. “My
mother watches her two days a week and has put together a notebook for
you. She thought it would be helpful for when you get started.” He grabbed
the notebook off the counter and handed it to me. “It has some of her
favorite snacks, mealtimes, and nap times among other things.” I leafed
through it, thankful she thought to give me a head start on getting to know
her better.
I didn’t know my own daughter.
I shook those thoughts away. She wasn’t mine anymore. I gave her up. I
no longer had any claim to her.
We stopped briefly in each of the rooms on the first floor before heading
up the stairs. He peeked in on Charlie before showing me the rest of the
second floor minus the bedroom at the end of the hall which I assumed was
his.
“She should wake from her nap shortly. Then the two of you can spend
some time together so she can get comfortable with you.”
I nodded my understanding. It didn’t escape my notice that he hardly
looked at me, and for some reason, it made me sad. Did he see Charlie
when he looked at me, or did I remind him too much of Sarah?
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked, surprising me. It was
the most hospitable thing he’d done since I arrived. It was almost like he’d
been mad that I showed up.
“Yes, thank you. That would be great.”
He led me down the stairs and offered me a seat at the island. I took it
gratefully, swiping the notebook from the marble so I could skim through it.
He slid me a bottle of water, and I twisted the cap before taking a drink. I
absentmindedly peeled the label from the bottle as I perused the notes.
“She used to do that to her water bottles too.” I drew my gaze up to
Vance and found him watching me, his eyes settled on my hands where I
had removed the label. Melancholy filled his eyes as they glazed over with
memory. He was thinking about Sarah. He lifted them to my face and
blinked away the fog as he forced a tight smile.
Wordlessly he turned and walked out of the room. Silent panic filled my
veins with dread. Was he mad about the water bottle? Would he fire me
before I even started? He returned a short time later with a set of keys and
some papers.
“Here are keys to the house and a spare for the car,” he said, handing me
the ring. “Security codes for the house and garage,” he added, sliding me
the paper.
“Thank you,” I replied and secured them both in my bag.
“I’m going to wake Charlie now. If she naps much longer, she won’t
want to go to bed this evening. I’ll talk to her and let her know you’re here
before bringing her down. We’ll meet you in the family room.”
He disappeared up the stairs to retrieve his daughter, and I made my
way to our meeting spot. I did my best to calm my racing heart while I
waited. It was the first time I would see Charlie since the funeral, and I was
a bundle of nerves. It shouldn’t matter. She was a child. I met new children
all the time working as a substitute teacher.
But she wasn’t a new child. She was my child.
No. She was Vance and Sarah’s. I was simply her nanny and teacher. I
couldn’t be more. I wasn’t worthy of being more. Even though my cousin
had been adamant about having an open adoption, I never felt like I
deserved that courtesy, and I worried it would confuse Charlie. Hell, it
would’ve confused me. Back then, it hurt too much to look at her. All I
could see was the man who’d put her in my belly, the one who’d taken
liberties with my body while I was unable to say no.
Footsteps sounded above my head and muffled giggles met my ears. I
drew in a deep breath, preparing for this reunion with the child I’d given up.
She thudded slowly down the steps, and I could imagine her jumping down
them one at a time. She finally crested the doorway and halted. Vance stood
next to her, holding her hand as she timidly walked into the room.
“Hello again,” I said with a little wave and a soft smile. She waved back
shyly.
“Go on,” Vance nudged gently.
“Are you Delilah?” she asked, pronouncing each “L” like a “W.” It was
adorable and made her even more endearing.
My smile grew. “I am. And you must be Charlie.”
“My name is Charlotte, but everybody calls me Charlie for short,” she
explained, still drawing closer. She released Vance’s hand, stopping only a
few feet away. “I sawed you at my mommy’s funeral,” she announced.
“You were her…” she began, her lips pursing in concentration as she tried
to think of the right word.
“Cousin,” I finished for her after a moment.
“Cousin,” she repeated as though trying to commit it to memory.
I sank down on the edge of the couch so I could be at eye level with her.
“Did your daddy tell you that I’m going to be spending some time with
you?” I asked. She nodded. “We’re going to have lots of fun together, and
you’re going to learn so many new things,” I declared, keeping my tone
light, but excited. “Does that sound good to you?” Again, she nodded, her
face lighting up as she grinned.
“Do you like books?” I asked, reaching into my bag.
“Yes!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. I pulled out a copy
of Madeline and handed it to her. She took it in her small hands, her eyes
filling with wonder.
“This was my favorite book as a little girl. I wanted to be just like her
and wear the same cute little, yellow hat.” Her grin widened as her eyes
scanned the cover.
“I like her yellow hat.”
“Me too.” I chuckled. “I’ve always wanted to visit Paris. That’s where
Madeline lives.”
“Where is Paris?”
“Let’s see if we can find a map, and I’ll show you.”
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7
V ance
T he backs of my eyes burned , and I fought to suppress the tears as
Charlie slipped her hand into Delilah’s.
“Do you want to see my room?” Charlie asked as they walked through
the doorway.
“I’d love to.” Delilah turned to me, questioning in her eyes. I nodded,
granting the permission she sought. They disappeared up the stairs, and I
released a long, slow breath heavy with emotion. It was hard seeing them
together, but that was the happiest Charlie had looked in months. Delilah
brought something out in her that I couldn’t. Perhaps it was because I was
suffocating under my grief, I wasn’t able to pull her out of hers.
I waited a while before going to check on them. I didn’t want Delilah to
think I didn’t trust her, but also wanted to be close in case they needed
something. Nothing could prepare me for what I saw when I stepped into
her doorway.
Delilah sat on the floor, cross legged with her back against Charlie’s
bed. My daughter sat perched in her lap as they read the book Delilah had
brought for her. I had to brace my hands against the frame to keep from
falling as my knees threatened to give out. The picture in front of me felt
like a knife through the heart. With Delilah’s gaze cast down and hair
cascading around her face, eyes shielded by the angle of her head, she
could’ve been Sarah sitting there. I swallowed thickly, my throat tightening
with emotion.
I escaped unnoticed and practically stumbled down the hallway to my
room. Sinking onto the edge of the bed, I dropped my head and let the tears
fall. This was all my fault. If I’d been a better husband—if I hadn’t fought
with Sarah that day and upset her so badly— she would still be here. We
would’ve figured out what was causing all those terrible headaches. She
had an appointment. They would’ve seen the aneurysm on her scan, but I
hadn’t been able to swallow my pride and let it go until we’d both cooled
off. I’d overreacted and acted on impulse, and it had cost her life.
C harlie cried when it was time for D elilah to leave . S he held on
tightly to the woman who’d birthed her, begging her not to go.
“I’ve had you to myself all day,” Delilah crooned sweetly, brushing a
rogue curl from my daughter’s face. “I think your daddy misses you and
wants to spend time with you.” Charlie pouted but her gaze flickered
toward me. “Besides, I’m coming back in two days,” she declared, holding
up two fingers. “And we will get to spend the whole day together,” she
promised, drawing out and emphasizing the word “whole.”
“Okay,” Charlie relented, hanging her head in defeat. They shared one
last hug, and I walked Delilah to the door.
“What time should I be here Monday Morning?” She asked, slipping
her bag onto her shoulder.
“Let’s shoot for 8:00.” That would give her time to get settled in and ask
any questions she might have before I headed off to work.
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
I watched as she pulled away from the curb before heading to the
kitchen to prepare dinner. It was a good thing Charlie loved spaghetti since
it was one of the few things I knew how to fix. Some nights, our dinner
consisted of frozen or boxed meals, and sometimes it was take-out. Sarah
had been the cook. She taught me to make a few things and I could grill
meat, but a chef I was not. Charlie didn’t seem to care, though. Like most
kids her age, she would live off chicken nuggets and mac and cheese if I let
her.
When it was time to get ready for bed, I went to Charlie’s room to get
clean pajamas to put on after her bath. Delilah’s citrusy scent lingered long
after she was gone. It was crisp and clean as opposed to warm and sweet
like I was used to. I wasn’t sure how I would cope with having another
woman’s scent in my house after so many years of Sarah’s perfume. It was
a weird thing to think about, but that smell was tied to so many happy
memories. I didn’t want it to fade away, and I certainly didn’t want it to be
replaced.
I shook away those thoughts, unwilling to succumb to the darkness
settling inside my soul. That was what grief did to you if you let it. It
consumed your entire being, filling you up with hopelessness and despair.
We would get through this. Charlie and me. I just had to keep reminding
myself of that. No matter what, we had each other. And nothing could come
between us.
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D elilah
I arrived at V ance ’ s house just before 8:00 on M onday morning .
My arms were loaded down with a box full of supplies I would need to
begin teaching Charlie. In addition to my role as her nanny, I would also be
providing her preschool education.
I bent my knee, lifting my leg to prop the heavy box on so I could
knock. I didn’t want to ring the doorbell in case Charlie was still asleep.
The door swung open not a minute later, and I nearly dropped the box when
I saw what awaited me on the other side.
Vance wore a dark gray pinstripe suit that was expertly tailored to his
body. The top of his shirt had been left unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely
around his neck as though I’d caught him in the middle of dressing. Dark
framed glasses perched atop his straight nose, his sharp jaw smooth and
clean shaven. I couldn’t deny that Vance was incredibly handsome. I could
certainly see what drew my cousin to him.
“Come in,” he welcomed, motioning me inside. I stepped into the foyer,
letting him shut the door behind me. “What’s all that?” he asked, pointing to
my wares.
“Just some things to get us started.” I shrugged.
“Give me a minute, and I’ll carry that upstairs,” he said, peering past me
to a mirror hanging on the wall next to the front door. I stepped aside to
ensure I wasn’t blocking his view as he fiddled with the tie. He tried—and
failed—a couple times to get the knot just right. This must’ve been
something Sarah had done for him since he seemed to be all thumbs when
he tried to do it himself.
I placed the box on the floor and stepped closer to him. “May I?” I
asked, motioning to the tie. He eyed me wearily for a moment, surprise and
uncertainty flitting in his eyes.
“I still haven’t gotten the hang of this yet,” he admitted as I lifted my
fingers and smoothed out the fabric. It was soft and cool under my hands,
most likely the highest quality silk. I gave him a lopsided grin as I set to
work.
I was almost finished when he asked, “Where did you learn to do that?”
He most likely knew my father left when I was young and even when he
was around, he never wore a suit. I swallowed hard as memories from the
last time I did this rose to the surface.
“I dated a guy once who wore a lot of ties. He taught me.” My skin
grew cold as I thought about him, the man who’d completely derailed my
life with his heinous and deplorable actions. He was the reason I was here.
If it hadn’t been for him, I never would’ve gotten pregnant. I wouldn’t have
given my baby up to Sarah and Vance.
My body trembled as flashes from that night came back to me. I’d done
so well keeping them at bay the last couple years, but just thinking of him
brought them back. He’d been invading my thoughts since Sarah’s funeral,
but it had been worse since Saturday. I dreamed of him that night after I got
home from my visit with Charlie and woke in a puddle of sweat, my chest
heaving with every ragged breath I took.
Would seeing her every day keep those memories at the forefront of my
mind? Would spending so much time with her undo all the hard work I’d
done over the last three years? I was in a good place, but I worried I’d
jeopardized that by taking this job.
“Delilah.” Vance’s concerned face entered my field of vision. “Are you
okay? You’re shaking and pale as a ghost.” I looked up into his worried
blue eyes. I couldn't tell him what was really wrong. Nobody knew what
Chadwick Townsend had done to me. I had to think fast to keep from
spilling that long held secret.
“I think my blood sugar just dropped. I-I should probably eat
something,” I said as my stomach lurched. Food was the last thing on my
mind right now, but I had to come up with something plausible to explain
the state I was in.
Vance led me to the kitchen and pulled out a chair. I sank down onto the
cushioned seat as he went to the pantry and pulled out a granola bar. He
handed it to me, and I shakily tore into the wrapper.
“Does that happen a lot?” he asked, concern knitting his brow.
I shook my head as I chewed a tiny piece of the bar.
“Sarah had bouts of hypoglycemia,” he said, his expression forlorn,
voice so low I could barely hear him. “She had to keep snacks on her at all
times. I used to tease her about it, saying she was like a toddler always
needing a snack.” One side of his lip turned up at the happy memory, and
grief twisted in my gut. They’d been so happy. They were the perfect
couple and the best choice of parents for my little girl.
No. I couldn’t think of it that way. She wasn’t mine. She belonged to
Vance and Sarah. She was a Carrington. They’d given her the strong,
healthy family I couldn’t.
“Coffee?” Vance’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I lifted my
gaze to find him holding up a mug.
“Sure.” He poured me a cup and brought it to the table, placing some
creamer and sweetener next to the steaming mug. Sinking into the adjacent
seat, he stirred a little of each into his drink. I added a liberal amount of
both into my cup, preferring a much sweeter version. We sipped our drinks
in silence for several long minutes before he spoke again.
“Do you have any questions before I leave?”
I shook my head. He’d been quite thorough when I was here the other
day, and I had his mother’s notes to refer to as well.
“You have my number?” he asked. “I want to make sure you can reach
me if you need anything.”
I nodded. “I made sure to save it in my phone.”
“Good,” he replied, finishing off his coffee. He headed to the sink to
rinse out his mug. “Charlie will be up soon. I’m going to slip out before she
wakes. She tends to do better if I’m already gone, and she doesn’t see me
leave.” His face filled with melancholy, and I swallowed down my emotion.
I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to leave his child as she cried for
him to stay.
“If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Of course,” I assured him.
He hesitated for a moment, as though he wanted to say more, but
decided against it and headed for the door. I stayed in the kitchen to polish
off my coffee. I had a feeling I’d need the caffeine to keep up with the
energetic three-year-old.
Soon, the pitter patter of little feet sounded from above. Charlie was up,
and it was time to start our day. As promised, Vance had carried my
supplies upstairs and left them in Charlie’s playroom next to her desk.
Beside it stood a bookshelf with paper, crayons, and coloring books. There
was also a white board, markers, and erasers, so it was the perfect place to
set up our makeshift classroom.
I leaned against the doorjamb as I waited for Charlie to emerge from the
bathroom. When she saw me, she let out a shriek and bounced on the balls
of her feet in excitement. Running to me, she wrapped her tiny arms around
my legs. “Wiwah,” she cried, turning the Ls in my name into Ws. “You’re
here!”
“I told you I’d be back.” I crouched and pulled her into my arms. The
scent of her strawberry shampoo engulfed me, and I inhaled deeply. My
heart leapt into my throat when she squeezed my neck. It was the best
feeling in the world, one I hadn’t known I’d been missing. Pain speared
through me at the thought of all the years I’d missed of this, but I quickly
pushed it down as I blinked away tears. I wouldn’t think about that now. I
wouldn’t let my regret ruin the day I had planned for us.
“Can I has pancakes for breakfast?” Charlie asked. A relieved laugh left
my lips as I swiped a finger under my eye.
“Of course, you can,” I promised as I pulled back and gave her a soft
smile, the tension from a moment ago released by her innocent question and
childlike wonder. She stared up at me with those sky-blue eyes, batting
ridiculously long lashes. She looked so much like me it was uncanny. It was
like looking at my baby pictures. She bore little noticeable resemblance to
her biological father until she smiled, and a twin set of dimples creased her
cheeks. That was the only trait she got from him, which was a blessing in
itself.
I forced a smile, pushing down thoughts of that monster and led her
downstairs to the kitchen. Together, we mixed up pancake batter and
whisked eggs.
“My mommy used to make pancakes too,” she announced, and I nearly
dropped the cup I was using to pour batter into the hot skillet. Before I
could respond, she whispered, “I miss my mommy.”
A wave of sadness threatened to drown me, but I closed my eyes and
took a deep breath to gather my composure. “I miss her too,” I confessed.
“You wook wike her,” Charlie announced, studying my face.
“Well, she was my cousin, and our mommies are twins.”
“Twins?” she asked, her face screwing up in confusion.
“Yeah. That means they are sisters who were born at the same time and
look just alike.”
“Oh,” she replied as she worked that out in her head.
“And since our moms are sisters, that made your mommy and me
cousins.”
“Does that mean we're cousins too?” she asked after mulling that over.
“Not exactly,” I replied, unsure how to proceed. “Do you want to flip
the pancake?” I asked, changing the subject to avoid any further
explanations of how we were related. I wouldn’t be able to tell her the truth,
but I wasn’t sure I could lie to her either.
“Yes!” she replied, clapping with excitement. I handed her the spatula,
allowing her to wrap her fingers around the handle before guiding it to the
pan. She stood on a step stool next to me so she could reach and see while
we cooked together. It was a precious moment I knew Sarah had shared
with her many times before, and it broke my heart that she’d never
experience this again.
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V ance
I walked through my front door just before six . T he house was
suspiciously quiet as I made my way to the kitchen, following the buttery,
garlicky aroma wafting through the air. Draping my coat over the back of
the chair, I turned to search for the source of the heavenly scent. A foil
covered plate sat atop the stove next to a glass baking dish with a dark lid
concealing its contents. I lifted the corner to peer inside, finding creamy
pasta with chicken and broccoli beneath. My stomach growled in response,
and my mouth watered. Had Delilah cooked this? I didn’t even realize I had
these ingredients in the house. Where were Delilah and Charlie anyway?
I decided to go in search of them before sitting down to dinner.
Ascending the steps, I finally heard soft voices filtering out into the
hallway. They were in Charlie’s playroom. I pushed the door open to find
them both coloring; Charlie at her desk and Delilah sitting cross legged on
the floor with a thick princess themed coloring book in her lap. The sight
nearly stole my breath. It was so much like something Sarah would do, it
nearly brought me to my knees. I swallowed thickly, trying to unclog the
emotion gathering in my throat. It didn’t work, so I tried again. Finally, I
found my voice.
“Hey, munchkin.”
Charlie’s head snapped up, and her eyes filled with joy. “Daddy!” she
exclaimed and hopped out of her chair. She ran to me, and I scooped her up,
kissing her cheek.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she replied, hugging me tight.
Delilah quietly closed her book and stood, tucking it onto the shelf.
“How did it go today?” I asked. She crossed the room and stood directly in
front of us. It was still startling how much she looked like my wife. If her
eyes were closed, I could almost believe it was Sarah standing in front of
me instead of Delilah. I focused on her irises to keep myself grounded in
reality. They weren’t that soft brown with a splash of honey surrounding the
pupil, but a startling blue like the ones my daughter bore.
“It went really well. She knows her ABCs and can count to ten. We
even practiced writing some of the letters.” She smiled softly, her eyes
filling with affection as she gazed upon Charlie. Conflicting emotions rose
in my chest. I wanted the person watching my child to care for her, but our
situation was more complex than that. If she grew to love and care for
Charlie, the daughter she’d given up, would she one day try to take her
from me?
I cleared my throat, shaking away those thoughts. The adoption was
final and legal, so there was nothing to worry about. At least that was what I
told myself.
“That’s great. I was worried she’d fallen behind with everything that’s
happened.” I didn’t elaborate on what I meant, but I didn’t need to.
“Nope, she’s right on track,” she assured me. “I’ll see you again
Wednesday,” she said, shifting her focus to Charlie.
“You’re weaving?” Charlie asked, her bottom lip puckered in
disappointment.
“Yeah, but I’ll be back. Don’t worry.” She stepped around us, preparing
to leave.
“Thank you for making dinner,” I said as she entered the hallway. “I
don’t know how you threw that together with what little I had in there. It’s
been a while since I’ve gone to the grocery store.” Guilt suffused me at my
negligence. How could a parent expect to feed their child if they couldn’t
manage to drag themselves to the store every now and then.
“It’s no problem. Between the freezer and pantry, you have most of the
staples. Although I would have preferred to use homemade alfredo, but
jarred sauce works just as well.” My mouth watered at the thought.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her to stay for dinner, but I
couldn’t make myself speak the words. I was already shaken by her
presence and resemblance to my late wife. I didn’t think I could handle
sitting across the table from her while we ate dinner like a family. The mere
thought had my stomach twisting in painful knots.
“Charlie and I already ate, but there’s enough food to have leftovers the
next couple days.”
“You got Charlie to eat broccoli?” She gave me a quizzical look. “I
already peeked under the lid,” I admitted, and she chuckled.
“Sure did. She ate everything on her plate.”
“Wow,” I exclaimed looking at Charlie like she’d just won the Nobel
Prize. “You did so good.”
“Bwoccowi will make me stwong,” she proclaimed, lifting up her arm
in an attempt to flex her muscles. I made a big show of feeling her biceps
and praised her for her unmatched strength. She beamed, puffing out her
chest with pride.
We followed Delilah down the stairs and bid her goodbye, locking the
door behind her. I put a movie on in the family room for Charlie to watch
while I ate dinner. The food was still warm when I loaded up my plate with
pasta and garlic bread. I nearly wept when the first bite hit my tongue. The
pasta was creamy and cooked to perfection, the chicken expertly seasoned.
Appreciation swelled in my chest. Delilah wasn’t contracted to make
dinner, nor did I expect her to do so. That responsibility fell to me, but
damn if a weight hadn’t been lifted off my shoulders. Now I didn’t have to
think about it, and I didn’t have to feel guilty about feeding my child
chicken nuggets yet again.
Was this how Sarah had felt always being the one to make sure
everybody was fed? She made it look so easy. The meal planning, the
grocery shopping, the cooking. She’d been a damn rockstar, and I’d taken
her for granted.
Damn I missed her. I missed her sweet scent and tinkling laughter. The
way she snorted when she got really tickled and the feeling of her soft
curves in my hands. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, and we had our struggles,
but everybody did. The good far outweighed the bad. Our love was strong
enough to weather any storm, but now we wouldn’t get the chance.
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D elilah
A fter only two days , I found that I missed C harlie and couldn ’ t
wait to get to her house to start our day. Vance was ready to leave as soon as
I arrived. Travel mug in hand and messenger bag thrown over his shoulder,
he rushed out the door without so much as a second glance in my direction.
For some reason, his brusque departure stung. He hadn’t exactly been warm
toward me on Monday, but he’d at least been cordial. Today, it was like he
couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I climbed the stairs and peeked in on
Charlie. She was sound asleep, so I went to her playroom and began
preparing for the day. It wasn’t long before I heard her get out of bed. I met
her in the hallway as she rubbed at her bleary eyes, her hair sticking up in
all directions. She had the worst case of bed head I’d ever seen. My soft
chuckle drew her attention to me. Her eyes were suddenly wide open. She
ran to me, and I crouched so she could reach me. Her arms instantly went
around my neck as she hugged me tightly.
“Good morning,” I crooned.
“Dood mornin’,” she returned, smiling up at me sweetly as she pulled
away. Her sugary voice and toothy grin were a balm to the ache in my
chest. It was going to be a good day.
After breakfast, I worked with Charlie for a couple of hours before
taking a break to get some fresh air. Ensuring she had on warm clothes and
a jacket to combat the lingering chill in the air, we went to the backyard to
play. She had a swing set that was surely every kid’s dream. There was a
little playhouse at the top with a sand box beneath and a substantial slide
along with the swings. Vance and Sarah had spared no cost to make sure she
had fun and entertaining equipment right in her backyard.
She giggled and squealed, demanding to go higher and higher as I
pushed her on the swing. Growing tired of the swing, she set her sights on
the slide. When it was time for lunch, we came inside, and I made us both
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of fruit.
It wasn’t long before her eyes grew heavy, and she was ready for a nap.
When she awoke again, we got back to work. I continued her classroom
instruction for two more hours, calling it a day around three o’clock. Kids
her age could only handle so much in one day. We decided to watch a
movie in the family room until it was time to make dinner. Vance hadn’t
asked me to take care of dinner, but I needed to feed Charlie, so I figured I
might as well cook something for both of them. From the looks of it, he’d
been surviving off frozen pizza and protein shakes lately and was probably
in desperate need of some nourishment.
I’d just taken the casserole out of the oven when I heard the front door
open. Charlie dropped the cookie scoop in her hand and climbed down from
her step stool. She’d been helping me spoon out oatmeal raisin cookie
dough and placing it on a baking sheet. Clearly, her daddy coming home
was more exciting.
“Hey, munchkin,” came that smooth, masculine voice. “Where’s Miss
Delilah?” I stiffened at the way he addressed me. It felt so impersonal, like I
was merely the help and nothing more.
“Making cookies,” came Charlie’s excited response.
They came through the door at the next moment, and I busied myself
with the cookie dough.
“I wanna do it!” Charlie demanded, running toward me and reaching for
the scoop. I relinquished it to her, silently observing as she finished her
task.
“Good job,” I praised, sliding the baking sheet off the counter and
placing it in the oven. I set the timer and turned to face Vance. His
expression was unreadable as he looked from the food to me.
“You know, you’re not contracted to cook dinner?”
“I know,” I replied, clasping my hands together in front of me. He made
me nervous, especially when he watched me with that intense, assessing
gaze of his, as though he could see straight into my soul. “But I’m already
cooking for Charlie. It’s no trouble to make something for both of you.” He
simply nodded in understanding. His stoic demeanor unnerved me. Had he
always been like this or was this simply how he dealt with his grief?
“When that timer goes off,” I began, motioning toward the oven, “take
the cookies out and let them cool on the sheet for a few minutes,” I
instructed, ready to take my leave. He nodded again. I bid Charlie goodbye,
promising to see her again soon and left without another word to my
employer. That was all he was to me. He clearly desired to keep things
professional, judging by his behavior today. Maybe I’d overstepped and
made him uncomfortable by helping him with his tie the other day, and he
was setting the expectations for our working relationship. The problem was,
I was certain he needed more than just a nanny and teacher for his daughter.
He needed a friend. All the man did was go to work and come home to his
child. That wouldn’t sustain him for long. Eventually he would break. One
day, he’d need someone to lean on. And for some reason, that felt like my
responsibility.
I’ d been working for V ance for two weeks when I finally saw what
had caused Charlie to need in-home care. Everything had gone smoothly up
until this point. She was a happy child, nearly always cheerful, but we’d
never left the confines of her home. Until today.
Vance had agreed to let me take Charlie to the park to get her out of the
house. She wiggled with excited energy as I buckled her into her car seat.
The drive didn’t take long, and when I parked the car, she was anxious to
get out. She slid from her car seat and bent to look in the floorboard and the
empty seat next to her.
“Where is he?” she asked as she began to frantically search the back
seat.
“Where is who?” I asked, keeping my voice low and calm. She was
agitated, and I didn’t want to add to the frenzy.
“My teddy!” she cried.
“I don’t know. You must’ve left him at home.” She continued to search
even though the stuffed animal clearly wasn’t there.
“We can get him when we go back,” I assured her. “Let’s go have some
fun.” I reached for her to help her out of the car, hoping the prospect of the
park would distract her from her missing bear. As soon as my hands came
up under her arms to cradle her, she snapped.
“No!” she screeched, swinging her arms wildly. Her palms smacked
against my forearms as she continued to scream. Stunned, I released her.
She lost her balance and stumbled to the floorboard.
“I need my teddy!” she cried. Her face turned red, and tears coursed
down her cheeks as she kicked and wailed.
“Okay,” I soothed, “we can go back for him.” It took several minutes
but she finally calmed down and let me buckle her into her car seat. When
we got back to her house, she immediately ran upstairs to her room. That
was where I found her, sitting on her bed and hugging the stuffed animal
tightly. I sat next to her and brushed my hand over her head.
“You found him,” I proclaimed cheerily, hoping to brighten her mood.
“I forgot him,” she lamented, clutching onto the teddy bear. The
weariness in her eyes caused my heart to crack. She’d been petrified when
she realized she didn’t have her teddy. The stuffed animal brought her great
comfort. I wasn’t sure what was so special about it, but I certainly wouldn’t
forget it again.
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V ance
“I need to talk to you about something that happened today .” M y
hackles rose, and I turned sharply to find Delilah wringing her hands.
“Tell me,” I demanded more harshly than I intended. I’d just gotten
home, and Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table, molding different colors
of Play Doh into shapes she insisted were animals.
Delilah winced and nodded toward the door. We stepped out of the
kitchen so as to not be overheard.
“Charlie had an episode today when we tried to go to the park.” I
scrubbed my hand over my face and took a deep breath to calm my
frustration. It didn’t work. “We left her teddy bear here and when we got
there, she became extremely upset. It was almost as if she was scared to be
outside her house without it.”
I cursed under my breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I
should've told you she doesn’t go anywhere without it. That’s on me.” How
could I have forgotten? Sarah would’ve remembered. She never would’ve
forgotten something so important. Then again, if she were here, Charlie
wouldn’t need that damn bear like she does.
Delilah’s head tilted to the side, her eyes filled with questioning.
“Sarah gave her that bear just before she passed. It makes Charlie feel
safe, like her mom is watching over her.” Delilah’s throat bobbed, and her
lips trembled before she nodded in understanding.
“That makes sense. She was panicked over the bear. I thought I could
distract her with the park, but she wouldn’t even let me get her out of the
car.” She described the episode just as Charlie’s teachers had at her last
daycare, and I knew it was time to take their advice. We needed to consult
with a specialist because as much as I wanted to be the one to help her
through this, I didn’t know how. I hated that I hadn’t been there to comfort
her and had no idea what had transpired until I arrived home.
“If something like this happens again, I want to know about it
immediately. Don’t wait until I get home. Call me.” Delilah’s eyes widened,
and an uneasy surprise filled her face. Perhaps I’d been too harsh, but this
was my child we were talking about. I wanted to know what was going on
with her at all times. I ignored the voice in the back of my mind telling me
that Delilah was technically her mother and had shown that she had nothing
but her best interest at heart. Charlie was my daughter, and I was
responsible for her happiness.
“Of course,” she said, averting her gaze as hurt filled her eyes. “My
apologies,” she murmured. My chest squeezed at the dejected look on her
face, but I stood firm. Charlie was my priority, and if that meant Delilah got
her feelings hurt, then so be it.
T he next few weeks went by without incident . D elilah hadn ’ t
asked to take Charlie to the park again, and I suspected it was because of
what had happened last time and that I’d basically scolded her. That hadn’t
been one of my finer moments, and I still felt a twinge of guilt over the way
I reacted.
I decided I would broach the subject with her and give her some ideas
of places and activities I knew Charlie enjoyed. She didn’t need to be
cooped up in the house all the time. My mom rarely took her places on the
days she watched her. Since she’d had her knee replacement surgery, she
complained that she couldn’t keep up with Charlie anymore, and it made
her nervous to take her out in public.
I pulled into my driveway at half past four. It was the earliest I’d made
it home in weeks, but it was Friday, and I was finally caught up at work. I
was ready to enjoy the weekend with Charlie. It finally felt like spring, and
there’d be plenty of activities to do now that it had warmed up.
Grabbing my suit jacket and bag, I climbed out of my car and headed
for the door. I could hear music playing from the kitchen and assumed that
was where I’d find Charlie and Delilah. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen
table gluing shapes onto a piece of construction paper when I stepped into
the room. My eyes scanned the space, landing on Delilah. My mouth turned
down into a frown when I noticed what was in her hands. She moved the
mop back and forth across the floor a few times before dipping it into the
bucket next to her feet and wringing it out all while dancing to the beat of
the music. I was flooded with memories of Sarah doing the exact same
thing. She liked to place her phone on the dock and let her favorite playlist
blast through the speaker on Saturday mornings while she cleaned. It was
all too much. The memories, the images of her dancing while she cleaned,
the sight of the nanny doing the exact same thing.
“What are you doing?” I snapped.
Delilah jumped at my harsh command. She turned as I strode toward
her, wondering why she was mopping. She reached over and grabbed her
phone off the counter, silencing the music before stuffing it into her pocket.
“Just cleaning up,” she said, pushing her hair back from her face. The
inky tresses were pulled into a high ponytail, exposing the length of her
slender neck. I could have almost sworn I could see the pulse thrumming
against the creamy skin.
I eyed her suspiciously, wondering why she suddenly decided to take on
more duties in my home. What was she playing at? First it was cooking.
Now she was cleaning. Did she want me to increase her pay? Another
possibility— a more disturbing one—crossed my mind. No. It couldn’t be.
Could it? Was she trying to fill Sarah’s shoes, somehow replace her? Did
she want to insert herself into our lives and take over the role of Charlie’s
mom? Was she trying to get Charlie back? I couldn’t imagine the sweet,
mild tempered Delilah doing something so nefarious, but you could never
really know what someone was capable of.
“You don’t need to do that. Not only do I have a cleaning service come
twice a month, but I’m perfectly capable of cleaning my home in between.”
Irritation flitted across her face, and she planted her hands on her hips as
color rose to her cheeks. “I’m sure you are. However, Charlie accidentally
spilled juice all over the floor, and since I didn’t want to leave a sticky
mess, I decided to go ahead and mop it up. I apologize if you feel I’ve
overstepped.”
With that, she propped the mop in the corner and snatched the bucket
off the floor and walked out, returning a moment later with it empty.
Without sparing me a glance, she returned the mop and bucket to the closet.
Walking over to where Charlie sat, she bent and kissed her on top of the
head. “That looks great,” she praised, a soft smile playing on her lips as she
looked over Charlie’s shoulder at her artwork. “I’ll see you next week,” she
promised, and with that she was gone, once again leaving me feeling like
the asshole.
Why was I so suspicious of Delilah, constantly doubting her intentions?
She’d never once given me a reason to. Perhaps it was my insecurities
fueling my distrust. Until the adoption was final, Sarah had worried Delilah
would change her mind, and even after the papers were signed, she’d wake
up in a panic over the prospect of losing Charlie. That was why she offered
the open adoption. She thought that if Delilah was able to see her daughter
and watch her grow and thrive, she’d be content with her decision and
never try to get her back. Some of her anxieties had clearly rubbed off on
me.
But Delilah wasn’t trying to take Charlie from me. She was simply here
to help, and if I was being honest, she had been our saving grace. Without
her, I didn’t know what I would’ve done. I needed to stop letting my
insecurities cloud my judgment and quit thinking the worst of Delilah. She
didn’t deserve it. What she did deserve was an apology.
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D elilah
“H ow ’ s the new job going ?” S hayla asked , bringing the salt covered rim of the margarita glass to her lips. It was Saturday night, and
although I’d stewed on what happened with Vance all day, it finally slipped
my mind while hanging out with my friends. However, with Shayla’s
mention of my new job, it all came back in startling clarity. I forced a smile.
“It’s going well. The pay is great, and I only work three days a week.”
Guilt twisted my insides at what I hadn’t shared with my friends. They
knew I’d gotten pregnant by accident in college. I couldn’t exactly hide it
from them when I ran into Haley at my twenty-week OB appointment with
an unmistakable baby bump. The shock and hurt on her face nearly cracked
the wall of numbness I’d built to protect myself in the aftermath of
Charlie’s conception. But they believed it had been a rando at a party. They
also didn’t know that my cousin and her husband had been the ones to adopt
my daughter. At the time, I hadn’t been prepared to answer any questions
about the situation. It was a tangled web I didn’t have the heart or energy to
unravel.
Even without knowledge of my precarious situation, my friends still
knew something wasn’t quite right. I avoided them for a long time after I
gave birth as I tried to come to terms with all that had happened. Everyone
blamed postpartum depression for my self-isolation and morose demeanor
when in truth, I was drowning. I was overcome with grief, guilt, anxiety,
and trauma from all that had transpired in the previous nine months. In less
than a year, I’d gone from a carefree college student to sexual assault
survivor who’d given birth to a child that was a result of said assault. It had
been a lot to take in, and no matter how hard my friends tried, I wouldn’t let
them see the devastation that plagued my soul.
For nearly six months following the birth, I made excuses not to see
them. I ignored their calls and brushed them off over text, telling them I
couldn’t hang out for some fabricated reason or another. Then finally, one
day Brynlee came to my house, and my brother, too young to understand
what was wrong yet knowing something wasn’t right, let her in. She came
into my room and found me lying in my bed in three-day old pajamas at
noon, and she forced me out of bed. She was relentless. After practically
shoving me into the shower, she stripped my bed and threw my linens in the
washing machine, leaving the mattress bare so I could no longer hide
beneath the covers.
When I emerged from the shower, she shoved a cup of coffee under my
nose and instructed me to get dressed. The clothing she laid out for me was
looser than it had been before I’d gotten pregnant. She eyed me wearily as I
slid a belt through the loops on my jeans to keep them in place.
“Let’s go,” she said, grabbing my hand and leading me down the stairs.
That day, she took me to my favorite bistro with the decadent pastries I had
once devoured during Sunday brunch with the girls. At her urging, I ordered
one along with my favorite sandwich, and she sat there until I finished
every last bite.
“Talk to me, Delilah,” she’d said, and my chin wobbled. I’d been
determined not to cry, but I couldn’t conceal the emotion welling up inside
me. When she saw I couldn’t speak, she sighed and leaned forward, steering
the conversation where it needed to go without me divulging more than I
was willing. And I would forever be grateful for that.
She told me about how she struggled after having Harper, even with
Macon by her side. She’d been an unwed teen mom whose ex-fiancé had
skipped town and severed all contact with her. At Macon’s urging, she
finally sought out a therapist and was able to work through everything.
Reaching into her purse, she’d pulled out a pen and piece of paper,
scribbling on it before handing it to me. There was a name and number I
didn't recognize written on it. “That’s the therapist I went to. She’s
wonderful. You should give her a call.”
I held onto that paper for another month before I finally had the guts to
dial the number. Once I did, I could already feel the weight of my burdens
begin to lift. There were still times I struggled, but I was a long way from
where I’d been in my darkest moments, and I had Brynlee to thank for that.
“Hello, earth to Delilah.” Shayla’s voice broke through the fog of my
memories, and I looked up to see three sets of eyes watching me,
expressions ranging from inquisitive to worrisome.
“S-sorry,” I stuttered. “I kind of zoned out there for a second.”
Shayla giggled and shook her head. “I was just asking if you planned to
stay on until the kid goes to kindergarten.”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that because I hadn’t thought that far ahead.
I suspected once we got Charlie over this hump, Vance would want her in a
traditional preschool setting to prepare her for school. If that was the case,
I’d only be with her until the fall. An ache settled in my chest at the thought
of our dwindling time together. Would Vance allow me to remain in her life
after my time as her nanny was over? If he didn’t, how could I go back to
my old life knowing this wonderful, smart, beautiful person who shared my
DNA was out in the world?
I swallowed past the lump lodged in my throat before answering. “I’m
not sure. My contract didn’t specify the length of my employment.” I
shrugged as though it was of no consequence to me, but it most certainly
was.
“How are the parents?” Haley asked. “Are they nice?”
“Well, um,” I began nervously, as I tried to decide how much to tell
them. They hadn’t known the specifics of my new job, only that I was
providing in-home care and instruction for a preschooler. “It’s just the
father. The little girl’s mother passed away.”
“Oh, that’s awful,” Brynlee lamented, her face falling.
Haley’s inquisitive gaze landed on mine, her head tilting to the side. I
held my breath as she studied me for a long moment, and I feared she’d put
two and two together. They all knew I’d lost my cousin four months ago. If
my friends looked much deeper, they’d likely figure out who I was working
for. It probably seemed strange of me to keep that from them, but if they
found out, the questions wouldn’t stop there. They’d want to know more
about my cousin’s child. They’d ask how old she was and which parent she
took after more and if I had any pictures of her. They’d ask why she looked
so much like me, and wasn’t she the same age as the child I gave up? Then
my carefully crafted secret would come crashing down around me.
Finally, her furrowed brow relaxed as whatever she was thinking drifted
away, and I released a sigh. I couldn’t tell these girls the truth that Charlie
was the child I’d given up, the child they believed was the result of a simple
one-night stand. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to keep up the lies if they
questioned me. I’d inevitably crack and if I had to tell the truth, that meant
reliving that night. It meant facing the fact that a monster in disguise had
fathered the sweet little girl that I’d grown to love. And it meant that
someone might say something or try to get me to go to the authorities which
meant that Chad would find out about Charlie’s existence. And that was the
last thing I wanted to happen. I didn’t want that monster anywhere near her.
I took a huge gulp of my drink, trying to calm my racing thoughts. No
one could know who Charlie’s father was. That was a secret I’d take to my
grave.
W hen I returned to work on M onday morning , the door swung open
before I could even knock. Vance must have seen my car pull in and was
waiting for me.
“I owe you an apology,” he said, glancing down at his feet once we
were inside. “The way I acted Friday…” he began, shaking his head. “I
haven’t exactly been myself lately.”
Guilt suffused me as I took in his pained expression. Of course, he
hadn’t been himself lately. He’d just lost the love of his life a few months
ago.
“I just—”
“It’s okay,” I assured him, holding up my hands. “You’ve been through
a lot. There’s no need to explain.”
He looked at me for a moment, his eyes filled with skepticism. Finally,
he blinked it away and nodded. “Thank you.” Without another word, he
collected his things and left for work. It struck me then that the man never
truly smiled. Even when he came home to his daughter, it was forced. I’d
wager he hadn’t felt true joy since before Sarah died. His pain was palpable
when he was inside this house and only relented when he left for work. It
returned like a storm cloud hovering just above, threatening to pour out its
sorrow at any moment. I was sure he held it together long enough to care
for his daughter, but when he slipped into his empty bed, did the damn
break? Was he grieving in private with no one there to put him back
together when his heart shattered?
I brushed away the dampness that had gathered on my cheeks and
headed for the stairs. Pain settled into my chest at the thought of Vance
suffering in silence as I made my way to Charlie’s room. It was almost time
for her to wake up so I laid out her clothes for the day and sank down on the
edge of her bed. Brushing the dark curls from her forehead, I studied her
cherubic face. Dark lashes fluttered open, revealing eyes that matched mine.
They were hard to make out in the dimly lit room, but I knew vibrant blue
stared back at me.
“Mommy?” she said, bringing the back of her hand up to rub her eyes. I
sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of her sweet voice calling me by that
name. For a second, I couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t the first
time she’d called me Mommy—she had erroneously addressed me as such
at Sarah’s funeral—but this time was different. Now that I knew her, there
was more feeling and meaning behind the word. Deep down, I wanted to
hear it again, to earn that title and keep it for the rest of my days.
As she blinked up at me, her gaze focusing on my face, I swallowed
thickly. I had to tell her who I was now that she was coming awake. I
couldn’t let her think I was Sarah.
“It’s me. Delilah.” My voice cracked despite my effort to keep it even. I
never imagined what it would be like to be called “Mommy,” but now I
knew it was like hearing the angels sing.
“Dewiwah?” She sat up in her bed, still groggy and looked around her
room. My stomach twisted knowing she was looking for her mom.
“It’s time to get dressed and have some breakfast. Would you like to
help me make French toast today?” Distraction was the only tool I had in
my arsenal at the moment, and if that was what I needed to use to help her
through the day, then that was what I would do.
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13
V ance
I t was near dark when I arrived home that evening . I’ d had the day
from hell, and my clients hadn’t been much better. Thankfully Delilah had
been willing to stay late so I hadn’t needed to call my mom to have her
come out after being at the flower shop all day.
I unlocked the front door and let myself in. The sound of muffled voices
drifted out from the family room. My heart stuttered, and I drew to a halt
when I walked in and found Delilah and Charlie. My little girl was curled
up in Delilah’s lap, fast asleep with her head resting on Delilah’s chest.
Delilah’s cheek was pressed against her hair as she watched the cartoon still
playing on the TV. She noticed me standing in the door and sat up, her
mouth opening to speak. I brought my finger to my lips to silence her.
Understanding sparked in her gaze, and she glanced down at Charlie,
realizing she was no longer awake.
“She must’ve just fallen asleep,” Delilah said as I approached the couch.
“I can take her so you can head home. I’m sure you’re ready to get out
of here.” She’d been here for twelve hours already and had a long drive
ahead of her.
I started to reach for Charlie, but stopped short when Delilah replied,
“You might want to wait just a bit. She’ll probably wake up if you try to
move her now.” She was right. If she hadn’t been asleep long, I would
likely wake her if I tried to take her from Delilah and carry her upstairs.
Since I had a few minutes and Delilah didn’t seem to mind waiting a
little longer to go home, I hopped in the shower. The hot water felt good on
my tight muscles. Sitting at my desk for long hours at a time did a number
on my back. When I got out, I ran the towel over my short hair and slipped
on some sweats and a t-shirt. I padded barefoot down the stairs and returned
to the family room. Delilah continued to cradle Charlie against her, and the
sight had me swallowing hard.
Delilah’s gaze lifted to mine, and her eyes widened slightly as they
scanned down my body. Even in the dim light, I could see the color rise to
her cheeks. She glanced away as I approached. Had she been…
No. There was no way she was checking me out. It was all in my head.
It had simply been far too long, and her resemblance to my late wife had me
imagining things I shouldn’t be.
I leaned in, reaching for my daughter. Delilah’s citrusy scent filled my
nose as I slid my arms under Charlie’s back. My fingers brushed against
Delilah’s ribs, just beneath her breasts, and she sucked in a sharp breath. I
froze for a moment, unsure whether I should apologize or just pretend it
hadn’t happened. Pulling Charlie against my chest, I decided on the latter.
Straightening, I immediately stepped back to put some space between us.
I hadn’t meant to touch her, but now that I had, my fingers wouldn’t
stop tingling. The contact had been jarring; not necessarily unpleasant, but
very much unsettling.
“I’ll see myself out,” Delilah announced as she stood from the couch. I
stepped aside to let her walk out first. She scurried past me, tucking an
errant strand of dark hair behind her ear, and I caught another whiff of her
tropical scent. She smelled fresh like the ocean breeze with a hint of citron.
It reminded me of my and Sarah’s honeymoon in Hawaii. Sadness washed
over me at the memory. We’d planned to go back some day, but that would
never happen now.
“Goodnight, Vance,” Delilah called from the doorway. I hugged my
daughter closer, hoping to ease the pain that settled in my chest. My heart
ached for what I’d lost and could never get back.
“Goodnight, Delilah.” I forced a reply past the tightness in my throat.
As soon as the front door shut behind her, I turned the lock, careful not to
disturb Charlie, and ascended the stairs. After tucking her in, I didn’t bother
trying to go to bed. Sleep wouldn’t come easily tonight. It never did these
days.
The next morning, I awoke from a restless slumber, my fists clutching
the sheets next to me as sweat dotted my brow. I’d had the most vivid,
realistic dream. Sarah and I had been back on that beach in Kauai, sipping
fruity cocktails and exchanging kisses, the sun high over the Pacific Ocean
warming our skin. It was newlywed bliss.
I dreamed of her dark hair cascading around me as she sat astride my
hips, rubbing herself against my rapidly growing erection. She teased me
for what seemed like an eternity, before finally sinking down onto my
hardened length. Eyes closed and head tossed back, she took me all the way
to the hilt. I grabbed her hips and held on as she rocked back and forth. But
when her eyes popped open, they were all wrong. They weren’t the soft
brown I’d been expecting, but a vibrant blue that matched the ocean
beyond. That was when I woke up, confused, but still hard as a rock.
I tried to shake away the final image of my dream as I sat on the side of
the bed and scrubbed my hands over my face. What the hell was that all
about? Sure, Delilah was a beautiful woman. There was no denying that,
but how had my mind conjured her in a dream about Sarah? It must’ve been
their resemblance and the fact I’d seen Delilah last night, her perfume
reminiscent of the beach. That was all it was.
No longer able to ignore my straining erection and in need of a quick
release, I went to the shower. It had been more than four months since I’d
felt a woman’s touch. Even though I was more efficient at getting the job
done, it was still a poor substitute for what I really wanted: my wife.
I shut down my thoughts as the warm spray pelted my back. I couldn’t
think of her in this moment. It hurt too much. And I didn’t want to feel the
pain. For a moment, I wanted to be able to escape. So that was what I did.
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14
D elilah
I couldn ’ t shake the image of V ance in gray sweatpants and a
fitted white t-shirt from my mind. For the first time in years, desire had
stirred low in my belly. After Charlie was born and I managed to crawl out
of the deep, dark hole I’d fallen into, I attempted to date again, but intimacy
didn’t come easy. I tried a few times, but I could never relax enough to
enjoy it, and it took far too much energy to block out the spotty memories
of that night. It left me feeling drained, physically and emotionally, and I
finally decided it wasn’t worth it.
But something sparked to life inside me last night. Vance’s fingers
brushing the spot just below my breast stirred my long-suppressed libido.
And when he showed up barefoot and casual, dressed like he was ready to
crawl into bed, I had to look away to keep from ogling him. I told myself it
was wrong to think of him that way. He was still grieving the loss of his
wife. And me? Well, I was wallowing in guilt from keeping my cousin at a
distance. I should’ve taken her up on the offer to stay in Charlie’s life, in
her life. I missed Sarah, and it was my fault I hadn’t seen her in the three
years prior to her passing.
“Ms. Jones, I need to use the potty.” Little Amelia’s voice brought me
back to the present, and my head snapped up. I was subbing at a local
elementary school today, and the kids were gluing squares of paper with
words next to their matching pictures. They’d been fairly quiet while
focusing on this task, allowing my mind to wonder.
“Okay, sweetie. Go ahead.” I motioned to the door and rose to follow
her. The restroom was just across the hall, but kids her age sometimes
wondered when they got outside the classroom with little supervision, so I
stood in the doorway until she reemerged. I loved working with kids this
age, but I missed Charlie. I’d grown more attached to her than I could’ve
ever imagined. I just hoped when my tenure as her nanny was over, I’d still
get to see her.
The next day when I arrived at Vance’s house, he welcomed me with a
curt nod and nothing more. Perhaps my reaction to him hadn’t gone as
unnoticed as I’d thought. Shit. It was highly inappropriate to have those
thoughts about him. I needed to squash those and do it fast. It would be
much easier if he wasn’t so attractive. I averted my gaze to avoid checking
him out as he strode to the kitchen to grab his travel mug full of coffee.
When he returned, he held a slip of paper in his hand. “Here are the
names and numbers of some of the moms Sarah arranged playdates with.
I’d like Charlie to get more interactions with kids her age, and she’s used to
the ones from this list. I’ve contacted each of them already to see if they
wanted to resume their playdates. If you're comfortable with it, that is.”
“Of course.” The prospect of getting Charlie out of the house and
spending time with her peers sounded like a wonderful idea. “Anything you
think would help her, I’m willing to try.”
“Thank you.” His gratitude was genuine and palpable. I could have
sworn he almost smiled. Almost.
“I’ll try not to be so late tonight. It’s been hairy at work lately, but I
should be able to wrap things up at a decent time.”
“It’s no problem. I really don’t mind.” I hoped he could sense my
sincerity. I didn’t mind at all having to stay late. It meant I got to spend
more time with Charlie.
He nodded his appreciation and without another word, he was gone. I
looked over the list in my hand and decided I’d reach out to a couple of the
moms later to set something up. Charlie would be awake soon, and I went
to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. There was always plenty
left in the pot after Vance filled up his travel mug. He left it for me knowing
I’d need it. As I poured the hazelnut creamer into my mug, a loud thump
sounded from above. Charlie was up.
I went to the bottom of the stairs and waited for her to emerge. She
appeared, dark strands of hair sticking up in every direction, rubbing her
eyes. I wasn’t sure what Vance was doing to the poor kid’s hair at night, but
I’d have to give him a little lesson in hair care for girls. I giggled at her
disheveled appearance, and the sound brought her attention to me.
“Dewiwah,” she sang, grabbing the banister and hopping onto the top
step. She made her way down to me, and I scooped her up before she could
reach the bottom. “I missed you,” she crooned.
I melted as I squeezed her tight, smoothing my hand over her unruly
tresses. “I missed you too.” She had no idea how much.
We went to the kitchen and just like we did every morning, she helped
me make breakfast. It had become our routine and something I looked
forward to every day. After breakfast, I got Charlie cleaned up, helped her
brush her teeth and get dressed. Once she was ready, we began our lessons
for the day.
At lunchtime, I selected the first name from the list Vance had given me
and sent a message explaining who I was and why I was texting them. The
response was almost immediate. A few messages were exchanged, and
Charlie and I had a playdate set up for Friday.
I moved to the next name on the list and within minutes had another
meet up scheduled for next week. Sure, these would cut into Charlie’s
classroom time, but socializing with her peers was equally important. She
would have to go to school eventually, and these experiences would help
her build friendships with her future classmates.
“W e made a homemade pizza ,” I informed V ance when he arrived
home later that evening. “It needs to come out in about ten minutes, but the
timer is set,” I said as I prepared to leave. I’d let Charlie help me roll out the
dough, spread the sauce on it, and sprinkle on the toppings. She’d had a
blast doing it, and we only ended up making a small mess in the process, a
feat in itself.
Vance hesitated a moment, seeming to weigh his next words. Finally
settling on something, he opened his mouth and what came out stunned me
into momentary silence.
“Do you want to stay and have dinner with us?” When I failed to
respond, he began squirming with nervousness, shifting his weight from
one foot to the other. “You’ve got a long drive home. I don’t want you to
leave here hungry.” I didn’t point out that there were no less than a dozen
places to stop for food between here and home. It seemed he was
attempting to bridge a gap, one that we’d kept at a professional arm’s length
despite being family by marriage. Perhaps he was beginning to see me as
more than just the nanny, and that could only help my case when my time
with Charlie came to an end. I’d need that if I wanted to continue forming a
relationship with her.
“Sure,” I agreed cheerily, and surprise flickered in his eyes.
“Great,” he said, “uh, let me get changed, and I’ll help you set the
table.” He suddenly seemed nervous, like he wasn’t used to having a guest
over for dinner. I supposed he wasn’t. I was sure he and Sarah hosted
friends and family from time to time, but since she’d been gone, he’d been
solely focused on work and Charlie. Not that I could blame him after
everything he’d been through, but this felt like a step in the right direction.
Tonight, it was me staying over for dinner. Next, it might be an old friend.
He exited the kitchen, and a moment later, his footsteps sounded from
just above. Momentarily, I envisioned him undressing. I swallowed hard as
I imagined him unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off his broad shoulders.
He’d unbutton his pants and let them fall to the floor, revealing strong,
muscular thighs. Would he dress in the same thing he wore the other night,
the casual attire that had inexplicably made me hot?
I swallowed hard and fanned my rapidly heating face as I forced those
thoughts from my mind. I promised myself I wouldn’t think about him like
that. That was easier said than done when he came downstairs in faded,
ripped blue jeans, a heather gray V-neck tee, five o’clock shadow, and those
glasses I hadn’t seen in a while. He had that whole hot nerd thing going for
him, and it worked. Boy did it work.
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V ance
I rubbed my tired eyes beneath my glasses as I entered the kitchen .
The mouthwatering aroma was enough to perk me up, and I dropped my
arm to my side, allowing the frames to fall back into place. Delilah was
removing the pizza from the oven. She placed it on the stove and shut the
door. I made to move past her to get to the plates, but she turned at the last
second and bumped into my chest.
She let out an “oof” as I muttered “sorry,” and attempted to sidestep her.
She went the same way, and we almost collided again. We practically
danced around each other as we tried to avoid touching again. I finally
realized what she was after and moved out of the way.
“My bad,” I declared, and she let out a huff of laughter. She went to the
island and opened a drawer, pulling out the utensil she needed.
“Pizza cutter,” she explained, holding it up. She carefully sliced the
pizza as I gathered plates from the cabinet. I placed them next to her and
got each of us a drink.
“I’ll take those,” I offered once pizza was added to the plates. We sat at
the table, Charlie perched between us, and ate in relative silence for several
minutes.
“I have a playdate scheduled with Lara and her daughter, Hazel, for
Friday,” Delilah said after a moment.
“Already?” She hadn’t wasted any time. I was glad she took the
initiative and was on board with what I wanted for my daughter.
“Yep,” Delilah replied, a pleased grin forming over her lips. “And
another for next week.”
“That’s great news.” I needed some good news after the call I got today.
Charlie was scheduled to see a specialist for an evaluation next week. The
lady doing the intake had lots of questions for me, so I spent much of my
lunch break talking to her about Charlie’s struggles the last few months and
how her behavior had changed. Oddly enough, I’d noticed an improvement
since Delilah had been caring for her. I didn’t know if that was simply a
coincidence since Charlie was in her own home, her comfort zone, or if it
was a direct correlation from working with her mom.
I winced at that thought. Delilah wasn’t her mom, not in any sense that
mattered. Sarah had been her mom, the only one she’d ever known. Delilah
was only here now because Sarah was gone. And I only had myself to
blame for that.
My appetite withered at that thought, and I pushed my half-eaten dinner
away. We’d had the argument that started the series of events that led to her
death right here in this room. I could still see the way tears glimmered in
her eyes. That was the last time I saw her alive, the last time she’d looked at
me with those big doe eyes. And they’d been filled with sadness and
pleading. The memory was like a punch in the gut.
I pushed away from the table muttering my excuses and escaped to the
hallway bathroom. Leaning over the sink, I braced my hands on the
porcelain and sucked in several deep breaths. I lifted my gaze, catching my
reflection in the mirror, and forced myself to keep looking. I hadn’t been
able to do that in over four months, but it was time to face the music. My
face had thinned out noticeably, and there were dark circles rimming my
eyes. My glasses did little to hide the fact that I looked exhausted. I looked
like a man being haunted by a ghost. In a way I was. The ghost of my past
and the mistakes I’d made. The ghost of my dead wife every time I looked
at my daughter or her biological mother. They were a constant reminder of
what I’d lost. And neither of them knew about my part in it.
Delilah was wiping down the table when I finally emerged. I crossed the
room silently and stood next to the sink. Opening the dishwasher, I began to
fill it. A shadow fell over me.
“Are you okay?” Delilah asked, returning the dishcloth to the sink.
For a moment, I thought about lying to her and telling her I was fine,
but she would know that wasn’t true. I opted for the best response I could
muster that wouldn’t lead to more questions.
“No, but I will be.” I continued placing dishes in the rack, unwilling to
look at her. I couldn’t. It hurt a little more every time I did.
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D elilah
C harlie ’ s excitement was contagious when we set out for her
playdate Friday afternoon. When I told her she would get to see her friend
Hazel, she squealed with delight and hugged her teddy bear close. I made
sure to grab the stuffed animal from her bed before coming downstairs for
lunch. We couldn’t leave him behind, or this trip would be disastrous.
Our companions were already at the park when we arrived. It was
surprisingly empty aside from a couple of children with their parents. I
approached the blonde crouched in front of a bench tying the shoe of a little
girl who looked to be Charlie’s age. “Lara?” I asked as she finished the task
and turned to look at me. Her eyes went wide, and she nearly lost her
balance as she took me in. Standing, her gaze never left my face.
“Oh my… Wow, you really do look like her,” she mused, stunned
disbelief filling her face. “Vance warned me, but I hadn’t—” She shook her
head, dismissing those thoughts. “I’m sorry. It’s nice to meet you, Delilah.”
“It’s nice to meet you too. And it’s okay,” I assured her. “I get it. It’s
startling how much I look like my cousin.”
Her eyes filled with sadness. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Sarah was a
sweetheart and such a wonderful mother.”
“She was,” I agreed, emotion welling in my chest. I pushed it down, not
wanting to ruin the day. The girls were already heading for the slides, their
giggles echoing through the air.
“I’m so glad Vance contacted me. We’ve missed Charlie. She and Hazel
always have so much fun together.” I wondered if she knew what kind of
struggles Charlie had been dealing with lately. Newfound anxiety snaked its
way through me, settling heavily in my chest. I hoped Charlie did okay
today. I squeezed her bear tight, hoping it would bring me luck.
Lara and I sat on one of the benches surrounding the playground and
watched as the girls played. Every now and then Charlie would search me
out, and I’d hold up her teddy to assure her he was still there. Aside from a
brief squabble over whose turn it was to go down the “big slide” as the girls
affectionately dubbed it, Charlie and Hazel got along fine during the hour
we spent at the park. We made plans to meet up again in a couple weeks
and bid our friends goodbye. I sent Vance a quick message to let him know
how it went. A few minutes later, his reply came through.
Vance: I’m glad to hear it went well. Thanks again for doing this. I
think it’s going to help Charlie to be around her friends.
Delilah: I agree. And I’m happy to help any way I can.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket and loaded Charlie up. She was
asleep before we even made it home.
That evening, as I was setting out my supplies to start dinner, there was
a knock at the door. Vance hadn’t mentioned that he was expecting
anybody, so I was hesitant to answer it. I pulled aside the curtain to peer out
the window and saw the familiar blonde hair of my aunt. I immediately
went to the door and flipped the lock. Swinging it open, I was met with
tired blue eyes. A sad smile slid over Darla’s painted lips.
“Hey, Delilah.”
“Aunt Darla, it’s so good to see you.” I wrapped my arms around her
thin frame and hugged her for a long moment. The last time I saw her was
the day she brought me over after Vance decided to hire me. I hadn’t
realized how much I missed her.
“It’s good to see you, sweetie.” She rubbed her hand soothingly over my
back. It struck me that I should be the one offering her comfort. She was
grieving the loss of her daughter.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, shutting the door behind us. She
followed me as I headed toward the kitchen.
“I just came to visit. I haven’t seen Charlotte in a couple weeks, and I
miss her dearly.” Darla was the only one who called Charlie by her given
name. “I’m hoping to convince Vance to let me take her home with me for
the weekend. I haven’t kept her overnight since—” Her words fell away,
and her chin wobbled. Tears pricked the backs of my eyes as shear sorrow
washed over her features.
“I’m sure he won’t mind,” I assured her. “It’ll give him a chance to get
out of the house.” Her sad smile returned as she gave me a pitying look.
“Honey, that man isn't going to go anywhere. He’ll hole up in this house
and work himself to exhaustion.” I gave her an inquiring look. “All he does
is work and take care of Charlotte. You can’t get him to do anything for
himself. Believe me. I’ve tried. So has Vivian. It’s like he stopped living as
soon as we lost Sarah.” Tears brimmed in her crystalline eyes, and I choked
back a sob. My poor aunt, who’d lost so much, was worried about Vance.
Maybe I should’ve been worried too.
At that moment, Charlie noticed her grandmother and dropped her
crayons onto the paper she’d been coloring. Sliding out of her seat, she ran
to Darla and hugged her legs. Darla lifted her into the air and hugged her
close, then settled her on her hip.
“I just hope that once Charlotte starts her therapy next week, he’ll relax
a little. He’s just about worried himself sick over that little girl,” she added.
“Therapy?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied, looking at me like I should already know. Then her
expression changed, morphing into regret. She’d just let something slip that
I wasn’t privy to.
I tried not to let that tidbit of information bother me. After all, I was her
nanny. I didn’t necessarily need to know everything about her. But it still
hurt. Vance hadn’t thought to tell me she was going to therapy? Maybe I
had no right to that information, but I felt like we had a pretty amicable
relationship, one where he would realize that was something I’d want to
know about.
I had to put a stop to that line of thinking. He didn’t owe me an
explanation. He was the one who took on the responsibility of raising
Charlie when I wasn’t able—him and Sarah. I gave up those rights the day I
signed the adoption papers.
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V ance
M y mother - in - law was sitting at the table with my daughter when I
walked into the kitchen. I’d forgotten that she was coming over this evening
and was a little startled to see her there.
“Darla,” I announced, setting my keys and messenger bag on the
counter. She stood, and I enfolded her in a hug. Darla had treated me like
one of her own since day one. We were close but had drifted apart a little in
the past several months. It was hard to be there for each other when we
were both devastated and grieving. I was glad she’d come, though. It would
be nice to have some company.
Charlie slipped out of her seat and wedged herself between her
grandmother and me. “Daddy,” she demanded, lifting her arms so I’d pick
her up.
“Hey, munchkin,” I greeted, smacking my lips against her cheek in a
loud, dramatic kiss. She giggled, and the sweet sound was like music in my
ears. “Were you good for Delilah today?” She nodded emphatically, dark
curls bouncing around her head.
“Is that true?” I asked playfully, turning to Delilah for confirmation. She
stood at the stove, icing a cake. I was momentarily distracted by the action.
If I wasn’t mistaken, it was a hummingbird cake she was icing and that was
my favorite. It was one of Darla’s specialties. My gaze lifted to Delilah’s
face when she turned to me, and I sensed that something wasn’t quite right.
Her smile was forced, her eyes weary when she replied, “It is. She did
great today.” She returned her focus to the task at hand as unease twisted in
my gut. Something was wrong. I turned to face Darla, but she busied herself
with helping Charlie back into her seat. When Delilah was finished, she
covered the pan with a lid and opened the oven to check on whatever she
had cooking in there. I tried to sneak a peek inside, but she closed the door
before I could see what she was making.
She studiously ignored me and went to Charlie, kissing the top of her
head. “I gotta go, sweet pea. I’ll see you later.” Charlie turned in her seat
and demanded a hug. Delilah obliged, pulling her in close and cradling
Charlie to her. She and Darla shared a long embrace, and for a moment it
felt like I was intruding on something. The two were obviously close. After
all, Darla and Delilah’s mom Debra were the ones who coordinated the
adoption. Delilah had said Darla was like a second mother to her growing
up. I wasn’t sure what happened between them in the span of the few years
following the adoption since it seemed they hadn’t maintained much contact
at that time, but I was glad to see them leaning on each other.
Finally, Delilah pulled away and headed for the door. “Goodbye,
Vance,” she said quietly, not sparing me another look. Something didn’t sit
right with me, so I followed her out.
“Lilah,” I called, and she froze. “Are you alright?” She turned halfway
toward me, giving me only one side of her face.
“I’m fine. Just tired,” she said, and just like that she was gone. I didn’t
even get the chance to ask her to stay for dinner, something I was making
the effort to do more lately. She fixed Charlie and me these amazing meals
every night, but rarely got to enjoy them. I was trying to change that. I was
beginning to think of her as a friend, and friends ate dinner together, right?
I returned to find Darla sitting with Charlie once again. She looked up
when I entered the room. “Did something happen?” I asked, glancing over
my shoulder to where Delilah had disappeared a moment ago. Darla winced
and ducked her head. Standing, she crossed the distance and stopped
directly in front of me.
“I may have let the cat out of the bag,” she said in a low voice, nodding
toward Charlie. “About her going to therapy,” she clarified. “I thought
Delilah already knew. I’m sorry.”
I let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose. It wasn’t
that I was trying to keep it from Delilah; I just hadn’t told her yet. She
probably thought I was intentionally keeping her in the dark. I hadn’t meant
to. As her nanny and teacher, she probably needed to know these things.
Besides me, she spent more time with Charlie than anyone else. It would
only benefit Charlie to have everyone involved in her care to know what her
needs were.
“It’s okay. I should’ve told her.” I assumed there would be strategies the
therapist could teach us that we all needed to use.
“How are the two of you getting along?” she questioned, her voice laced
with concern. Darla knew we’d had a rocky start, but things were going
more smoothly now.
“Good,” I replied. “She’s great with Charlie, and Charlie adores her. It’s
still a little unsettling, though.” She nodded her understanding. I didn’t need
to elaborate on why it was unsettling. She could see just as well as I could
how much Delilah looked like Sarah. It was the same with her and Debra. I
suspected that was why Darla kept her hair colored blonde. It set her apart
from her twin.
The timer on the oven chimed, and Darla went to it, silencing it with the
press of a button. She grabbed two mitts and pulled the piping hot dish from
the oven. “I was thinking,” she said as she placed it on the cooktop, “it’s
been so long since I’ve kept Charlie overnight, that maybe she’d like to stay
with me and Bob this weekend.”
My knee-jerk reaction was to say “no.” The thought of Charlie being
that far from me for that long damn near sent me into a panic. I hadn’t been
away from her for more than twelve hours at one time since before we’d
lost her mom. Being away from her for the entire weekend was asking a lot.
But Darla needed this, and so did Charlie. She loved her grandparents, and
my in-laws treated her like gold. I didn’t have a good reason to say no.
“Okay,” I agreed, and Darla’s eyes widened in surprise. My
acquiescence clearly caught her off guard. “I’m sure she would love that.”
Darla looked so relieved, I thought she might cry.
“Thank you,” she said, clasping her hands to her heart.
“You’re welcome,” I croaked out past the guilt clogging my throat.
She’d been hurting, mourning just as hard as I had. She’d lost one daughter
and the other lived out of state, and I’d been clinging to Charlie so hard,
she’d barely gotten to see her the last several months. She needed some
time with her grandchild, and I’d been buried too deep in my grief to see it.
But miraculously, I felt the fog begin to lift. I didn’t yet feel like I could
fully catch my breath, but I wasn’t suffocating beneath it either.
After dinner, I packed a bag for Charlie to take to her grandparents’
house. I waved goodbye to her from the front porch as they pulled away.
The excited smile plastered over her face proved that I’d made the right
choice.
I stepped inside and returned to the kitchen to clean up. Once the
leftovers were put away and the dishwasher was running, I went to the
family room and plopped down on the couch. Now that I had the house to
myself all weekend, I had no idea what I was going to do. That dilemma
was solved for me a moment later when there was a knock at my door.
I opened it to find three of my friends standing on the other side. “Hey,”
they all said in unison, drawing out the word like they were celebrating my
appearance. Donny, Blaine, and Garrett stood on my front porch with their
arms raised in the air like they were welcoming me home instead of the
other way around.
“What are you guys doing here?” I’d seen each of them since the
funeral, but never all together like this. Like old times. One by one, they’d
come to the house, offering their condolences along with their company. It
was all a blur and hadn’t been that comforting at the time. There wasn’t
anything that could’ve pulled me out of that funk, no matter how hard they
tried.
“We heard you were free for the evening, so we decided to crash your
peace and quiet,” Donny announced, his lingering Brooklyn accent coming
through.
“How did you—” I began, but instantly knew. Darla. She planned this.
And if I had to guess, my mother was involved too. She had all my friends’
numbers.
“Get ready, man. We’ve got a movie to watch,” Garrett commanded.
“What movie?” I asked, still trying to shake off the surprise.
“Really, bro? You have to ask?” Blaine scoffed.
“Only the movie we’ve been waiting over a year to see!” Garrett
replied. My gaze bounced between my friends as they each chimed in,
voicing their disapproval.
Then I remembered; the latest in a series of superhero movies released
tonight. We’d watched every single one of them on opening night, and they
weren’t about to let me miss this one.
“Okay, okay, come in.” I stepped aside and let them into the foyer. “Let
me get changed.” Five minutes later, I was in the passenger side of Donny’s
SUV wearing a graphic t-shirt with all the characters from the movie and a
pair of jeans. My clothes were a little looser on me than they had been last
year when we watched another film in the franchise. I made a note to start
eating better. It wasn’t hard to do when Lilah was around. She always
ensured there was something healthy on our table and made enough for
leftovers.
Shaking away thoughts of my daughter’s nanny, I listened to the guys
talk about their jobs, how their week went, and what was going on in their
lives. I didn’t contribute much, but it was nice to feel some semblance of
normalcy for once. And for the first time in five months, I didn't feel like
my world was imploding on top of me.
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D elilah
V ance seemed refreshed and almost … chipper when I showed up
Monday morning. His smile was still absent, but the tightness around his
eyes and shoulders had eased. Perhaps the plan Darla and I hatched Friday
evening had been a success.
After our conversation about Vance not living his life, I set aside my
hurt feelings and decided to do something about it. Darla contacted Vivian,
who gave us the names and numbers of three of Vance’s closest friends.
Darla only had to call one of them, Donny and he took care of the rest. By
the looks of things, it worked.
Trepidation flickered in his gaze as he slid a cup of coffee across the
table to me. He wasn’t in his usual rush to get out of the house, and that
made me nervous.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Charlie going to therapy.”
I nearly choked on the sip of coffee I’d just taken and hastily set my cup
down to avoid spilling it. He must’ve seen the shock and confusion on my
face.
“Darla told me she let it slip. And it’s not a big deal,” he added
hurriedly. “I hadn’t intentionally kept that from you. I just forgot to mention
it.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him, even though in my heart, it felt anything but.
“You’re a big part of her life,” he continued, surprising me yet again.
“You are with her more than anyone other than myself. You’re her caregiver
and teacher. You should be aware of what is going on in her life, especially
when it can affect her learning and relationships.” Part of me rejoiced at his
inclusion of me as an important entity in Charlie’s life. But on the other
hand, I’d been reduced to merely her nanny, effectively putting me back in
my place. I was sure that wasn’t his intention, but it still felt like he was
placing that barrier between us; the one that reminded me that I was simply
the help. I was an outside entity hired to teach her and take care of her, and
that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Unable to form words, I simply nodded. What else could I do? I
couldn’t exactly be mad at him. He was doing what was right for his
daughter and hadn’t purposefully kept me in the dark. I lifted my cup to my
lips, focusing on my coffee so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
“I also wanted to thank you.” My gaze snapped to his, my curiosity
piqued. “Darla mentioned it was your idea to contact my friends and have
them accost me in my home.” The corner of his lips quirked into an almost
smile. “I needed that. It was nice to get out of the house.”
“What did you guys do?”
“We went to the movies.” He told me about the film he and his friends
had been waiting a year to see. They’d gone to the late showing then
grabbed a drink at a sports bar they used to frequent.
“The next day, they dragged me out again for a game of golf and dinner
at the clubhouse.”
“That’s amazing.” I didn’t know what else to say. His friends managed
to take him out twice in one weekend, and he seemed to have enjoyed
himself. “I’m so glad you were able to do that.”
“I have you to thank. And Darla,” he added, not wanting to leave out the
person who made it happen.
“You’re welcome.” I wanted to push, to ask him to do more things,
make plans with his friends, but I thought better of it. Baby steps.
“Charlie’s first therapy session is tomorrow,” he announced as he rinsed
out his mug. “I’ll let you know how it goes.” It might not have seemed like
a big deal to most, but it felt like it to me. He was including me in things in
Charlie’s life that didn’t directly relate to me being her nanny. It felt like a
turning point in our relationship and the dynamic between the three of us.
True to his word, I got a rundown of Charlie’s appointment Wednesday
morning. She was engaging in play therapy to help her with her grief and to
give her the tools she needed to interact with other children. According to
Vance, their first session went as well as could be expected considering it
was all new to her, but he seemed optimistic. He was given several
handouts containing information about therapy and tools to use at home. I’d
taken some child psychology classes in college, but this was more in depth
than what I’d learned and would be a helpful tool not only for when I was
with Charlie, but also for when I one day taught a class of my own.
Sadness welled up inside me at that thought. One day, my time as
Charlie’s nanny would be over, and I’d move on to bigger things. I just
hoped I never had to move on from her. She was part of my life now, and
I’d never be able to give her up a second time.
O ur playdate that afternoon didn ’ t go as smoothly as the first . I t
was rainy, so we opted for the children’s museum instead of the park.
Charlie’s friend, Gracie, and her mom, Kelly, met us there after lunch. The
girls explored and played for a little while, but soon a squabble over a toy
ensued, and they had to be separated. It took a long time to get Charlie
calmed down and to get her to understand she had to take turns. She
accused Gracie of stealing her toy and keeping it forever. In her three-andhalf-year-old mind, a few minutes was an eternity. She finally relented and
let her friend play uninterrupted, but when it was her turn again, she
snatched the toy and took off running with it. I had to run after her to ensure
she didn’t escape. I didn’t know how far she would go and didn’t want to
risk her getting outside the building or someone taking her. My heart was
pounding by the time I caught up with her and scooped her into my arms.
“Charlie, you can’t do that. You could get hurt,” I reprimanded, holding
her close to me, my fear slowly subsiding. “I don’t want anything bad to
happen to you.”
“You mean like what happened to my mommy?” I mentally kicked
myself for inadvertently instilling my fears into her.
“No, not like that, sweetie. But it’s still not safe for you to run away
from me.” I smoothed my hand over her hair as we walked back to where
Kelly and Gracie waited. I sat on the bench where I’d left her teddy and
handed her the bear. She greedily clutched him to her chest. “Promise me
you won’t run away like that again, okay?” I kept my voice even and calm
so I wouldn’t scare her.
“I pwomise,” she declared, snuggling her bear. We left after that,
promising to meet up with our companions again. I wasn’t sure if Kelly
truly wanted another playdate after what just transpired or if she was just
being polite.
Once we were in the car, I pulled out my phone and shot Vance a text.
M e : C an
you talk ?
I nstead of a response , my phone rang a minute later . I picked up
immediately, and Vance’s gruff voice greeted me on the other end.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded.
“Everything’s fine,” I assured him. I hadn’t meant to freak him out, but
he told me he wanted to know when things like this happened. I relayed as
much to him, and he let out an audible sigh of relief.
I recounted the events from the museum, including what she had said
about her mom. He cursed under his breath, and I imagined him rubbing his
eyes beneath his glasses like he did when he was frustrated or stressed.
“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be sure to have my mom mention this
to her therapist at her next appointment.” After her initial evaluation, Vivian
would be taking Charlie to most of her therapy sessions on Tuesday
mornings. Vance’s work schedule wouldn’t always allow him the time to
take her himself, and I hated that for him. I knew how badly he wanted to
be there for her.
After we ended the call, I drove Charlie and me back to her house and
put her down for a nap. Once she was settled in, I went about straightening
up while she slept. I checked the laundry room to see if there were clothes
that needed to go in the wash. Vance usually brought down his and
Charlie’s hampers and started a load before I arrived, and I tried to finish up
the rest during nap time. He never asked me to do it, but I knew he
appreciated the help. After the mopping incident, he’d chilled out about me
doing extra things around the house and seemed relieved to have some of
that responsibility off his shoulders.
Sure enough, there was an array of brightly colored garments in the
washer when I opened it. I tossed those in the dryer and turned it on. The
second hamper was full of darker hued, masculine clothes that smelled of
Vance’s cologne. I tried to ignore the enticing scent, but it surrounded me as
I pulled a few shirts from the pile. Lifting a pair of jeans, I started to throw
them in but thought better of it. He never emptied his pockets before putting
his pants in the hamper (something I learned the hard way after washing a
pair with a pen in the pocket that damn near ruined the whole load). My
brother was the exact same way, so I concluded it was a guy thing.
Slipping my hand into the back pockets, I came up empty. The front
pockets were a different story. I rolled my eyes as my fingers closed around
some loose change on one side and a few folded up papers in the other,
most likely receipts from his foray with his friends Friday night. I pulled
out the papers and started to throw them in the wastebasket, but something
caught my eye.
A bright red lipstick print on a white slip of paper had me gasping in
surprise. I knew I should mind my business and not investigate. I could
simply pretend I hadn’t seen it and throw it in the trash. Honestly, I’d be
doing him a favor. That lip print could only indicate one thing, and it was
something Vance wasn’t ready for.
I deliberated for a long moment before my curiosity got the best of me.
Unfolding the paper, my fears were confirmed. There was a woman’s name
and a phone number scrawled across it in neat, feminine script.
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D elilah
M y first thought was to wad the paper up and bury it in the bottom
of the trash can, never to be found again. But I couldn’t do that. If Vance
had kept her number, maybe that meant he was interested. Who was I to
keep him from moving on if that was what he wanted? So instead, I neatly
folded it back the way it was and returned it to the stack of receipts. I would
simply hand them to him when he got home and let him decide what to
keep and what to throw away.
It was none. Of. My. Business.
I had to keep reminding myself of that.
So why did it feel like a betrayal? For some reason, it made my chest
ache to think of him with another woman. However, I wasn’t willing to dive
in too deep as to why.
When Charlie awoke, we resumed our classwork from the morning. We
hadn’t gotten much accomplished with the excitement over our playdate
looming, but now that she’d napped, she was more focused. When it was
time to start dinner, Charlie followed me to the kitchen to help me prepare
the meal.
I’d just shut off the stove when I heard the front door shut and a
moment later, Vance came into the room. “Daddy,” Charlie squealed and
ran to him. Like always, he scooped her up and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
It was clear how much he loved his little girl. I was finally starting to see
just how strong a parent’s love could be now that I was experiencing it too.
“Hey, Delilah.” He greeted me with his normal cordiality. I couldn’t
help but wonder if he’d greeted the woman who slipped him her number
with the same attitude or if he’d been more inviting toward her.
Stop it, I internally scolded myself. He was free to do whatever—and
whoever—he wanted.
“Hey,” I replied, busying myself with slicing the chicken to put on
Charlie’s plate. I was about to make a break for it when he spoke.
“Are you staying for dinner tonight?” His question caught me off guard,
and I fumbled for an excuse. I couldn’t do it tonight. Not after what I found
in his pocket.
“I can’t tonight. Mom’s working, and if I’m not home to feed Deacon,
he’ll just eat snack cakes and Doritos.” I hated using my brother as a
scapegoat, but it was all I could think of on the fly.
“Oh, okay,” he said, none the wiser. “Maybe another time.”
“Sure,” I promised, gathering my things. Heart beating wildly, I grabbed
the stack of papers off the counter. “Here,” I said and handed it to him.
“These were in your pockets when I did the laundry.” He took them from
me and looked down, mumbling his thanks. I’d strategically placed the
paper with the lipstick print on the bottom so I wouldn’t have to see his
reaction. I made my escape while he studied the notes in his hand. I was
almost to the front door when he called my name.
“Lilah!” I shuddered at the sound of my shortened name on his lips. For
some reason, it sounded too personal, too intimate, like something a lover
would whisper in my ear before kissing my neck. “Wait just a second,” he
requested, coming into the foyer. I made the mistake of facing him fully and
immediately regretted it. Guilt and concern warred over his divinely
chiseled face.
“I wanted to explain,” he began, holding out the paper in question. “I’m
sure you saw this and wondered why it was in my pocket.”
I schooled my features, letting the blank mask I perfected in the months
following my assault slide into place. It had been a long time since I’d
needed to use it, but this situation warranted it. “No,” I replied simply.
“What’s on that paper is none of my business.”
He winced as though my words pained him. It wasn’t the reaction I was
expecting. “I met her at the bar Friday night. My friends encouraged me to
take her number, but nothing happened. I wasn’t even going to call her.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“But I feel like I do. Sarah has only been gone five months.” His
Adam’s apple bobbed, and he glanced away as sorrow washed over his
features. “I’m not ready for something like this,” he said, waving the paper
between us. “Even if I was, it wouldn’t be with her.” He held up the paper
between his first and middle finger, but his eyes stayed locked on mine.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask who it would be with, but instead I
clamped my mouth shut. I had no reason to ask that question. None at all.
“Okay.” That was all I could manage to get out. His eyes pleaded for me
to believe him, and I did. I believed he wasn’t done grieving or ready for a
relationship. But in time, he would be. And I’d be happy for him. I had to
keep believing that.
A wkward discomfort tainted our interactions F riday morning . A ll
I got from Vance was a nod and a few grunts before he muttered his
goodbyes as he left for work.
I couldn’t blame him for being grumpy. He probably thought I didn’t
believe him about the woman’s number and now pinned him as a heartless
cad. On top of that, he’d gone nearly half a year now without sex. I couldn’t
relate seeing as my libido was nearly non-existent, but I was an anomaly.
Besides, he was a man. Men had needs, right?
Suddenly, my aforementioned libido poked its head out of the hole it
had been hiding in and made its presence known. It was something I
noticed happening more and more as thoughts of Vance crossed my mind. I
needed to put a stop to it. Nothing could ever happen between us. Things
were already too complicated as it was.
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V ance
I couldn ’ t wrap my head around the sense of dejection that
plagued me on my way to work. For some reason, it unnerved me that
Delilah thought I’d intentionally kept that woman’s number. Her
disappointment was palpable, not just the other night, but this morning too.
I hadn’t been able to look her in the eye, and damn if that didn’t make me
appear even more guilty.
It shouldn’t have mattered. Like Delilah said, I didn’t owe her an
explanation, and it wasn’t any of her business what I did in my personal
life, but I cared what she thought. Sometime over the last couple months,
I’d begun to value her opinion, not just as the person who cared for my
child, but as a friend. It was odd to think of her that way, but wasn’t that
what she’d become? She recognized I was struggling to keep up with my
responsibilities around the house—mainly grocery shopping and cooking
something other than chicken nuggets and frozen pizza for dinner—and
began to help without being asked. She helped Darla plan to have the guys
force me out of my shell and back into society for a weekend of fun. That
was what friends did. They picked you up when you were at your lowest
and helped you stand on your own two feet again.
I was slowly starting to see what kind of person she was—kind, caring,
selfless—and it made me thankful she’d been willing to fulfill the role of
Charlie’s nanny without being asked. It must’ve taken so much strength for
her to volunteer to teach and care for the child she’d given up, especially
after years of not seeing her. She clearly loved Charlie. Anyone who saw
them together could see that.
I’d kept Delilah at arm’s length this whole time, partly because she
looked so much like Sarah, but also because I was afraid to let her get too
close. I worried she’d try to take Charlie from me, but now that I knew her
a little better, I could never see her doing something like that. Charlie had a
good life, and I was the only father she’d ever known. Delilah would never
do anything to hurt her or uproot her life. I realized that now.
“I don ’ t know what to do . S he just up and quit !” M y mother ’ s sobs
filled the other end of the line. “I don’t have anyone else to work that day.
I’m going to have to close the shop on Tuesdays until I can get someone
hired.”
It had been a month since Charlie started therapy, and my mother had
taken her to all but one of her sessions. Now that summer break was a
couple weeks away, the college student she’d hired part-time had just put in
her notice.
“I’m not sure she’ll even show up for her last few shifts,” Mom
lamented. “She’s never missed work before but has been coming in late the
past couple weeks, so I don’t know that I can count on her.”
“Maybe she’s just burned out from school and ready to start summer
break,” I replied as I inwardly scrambled to find a solution. I didn’t want
my mom to have to close her shop and miss out on a whole day’s worth of
business. But if she couldn’t watch Charlie on Tuesdays and take her to
therapy, I’d have to take the day off and completely rearrange my work
schedule. Plus, I’d fall behind unless I worked late every other night of the
week.
Another option began to take shape, and I wondered if it would even
work. “I might have a possible solution,” I began, and she urged me to
continue. “I don’t know if she’ll be able to, but I can ask Delilah to take on
an extra day.”
She was silent for a beat, and I thought we’d been disconnected until I
heard her clear her throat. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” she
replied, seeming to choose her words carefully.
“Why not?”
“Well, it’s just that…” she began, her tone hesitant and placating as
though I wouldn’t like what she was about to say. “She seems to be getting
a little too comfortable there already.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to suppress an annoyed sigh.
“What does that even mean, Mom? She’s the nanny. She’s supposed to be
comfortable here.”
“I didn’t want to say anything,” she began, using that annoyingly gentle
voice again, “but I get this feeling she wants to be more than just the nanny,
like she’s trying to replace Sarah.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I scoffed, but guilt welled up in my chest. I’d had
those same suspicions too, but they were born from fear and insecurity, so
I’d brushed them off. Had my mother seen something I’d missed? I shook
those thoughts away, refusing to lend them any merit. “Delilah only has
Charlie’s best interest in mind. She cares for her. She’s a good nanny.”
My mother let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Just be careful,” she
warned.
“I’ll call you later,” I promised, ready to have this conversation over
with. We said our goodbyes, and I pulled up Delilah’s number. Tapping
“call,” I pressed the phone to my ear and prayed. She picked up on the third
ring, and I cut right to the chase. I explained the situation and asked if she’d
be willing to take on another day with Charlie.
“Can I have the night to think it over?” she asked hesitantly.
“Of course. Take all the time you need.” I needed to know something
soon, but I wasn’t going to push her.
Relief washed over me when I opened the door the next morning and
was greeted by Delilah’s smile. “I’ll do it,” she said, and I nearly pulled her
into a hug but caught myself at the last possible second.
“You’re a lifesaver,” I proclaimed instead. She’d taken a day to think
about it. She had a life outside of this job and subbed on occasion at a few
elementary schools, but they wouldn’t need her much longer with summer
right around the corner.
“It’s no problem at all. I enjoy working with Charlie. She’s a great kid.
You and Sarah did a wonderful job raising her.” Gratitude filled her eyes as
a soft smile played on her lips. I knew she was just as thankful for Sarah
and me adopting Charlie as we were for her granting us the precious gift of
our beautiful daughter.
I found myself wondering, not for the first time, why she’d been so
willing to let us take Charlie. She clearly loved her, perhaps just as much as
we did, so why had she been adamant about cutting ties once the adoption
was complete? Unease settled in my gut. Had things gone badly between
her and Charlie’s father? Had he been abusive? There were other
possibilities I wasn’t willing to entertain, so I shut down that line of
thinking.
“You’ve probably got a week or two before you’ll start coming on
Tuesday, unless of course, Mom’s employee doesn't work out her two-week
notice.” I winced at the thought.
“That would be okay with me. I don’t have any subbing jobs lined up
for those days.” Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. Mom’s employee
worked out her notice and two weeks later, Delilah began showing up on
my doorstep another day each week.
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D elilah
M y hands shook as I pulled up to the brick building for C harlie ’ s
appointment. Unbidden, the memories from my time in therapy came
flooding to the surface. I’d sat outside a building not so different from this
one for a solid twenty minutes trying to build up the courage to go inside. I
ended up being late for my appointment, but the therapist had been
understanding. She was patient and empathetic, allowing me to take my
time getting to the reason for seeking her out. Once I finally began to talk, it
was like the floodgates opened up. Everything I’d been holding in—all the
ugliness that was eating me up from the inside—came pouring out.
She’d listened quietly as I told her about that night. The last clear
memory I had was of finding my favorite wine among the bevy of bottles
and how after months of trying to piece together the puzzle of how it all
happened, I suspected Chad had dosed that bottle with something and
planted it there, knowing I would go straight for it.
I talked about blacking out and waking up with a subconscious
awareness of what he’d done to me and walking back to my dorm in a haze.
I’d done the one thing they always tell you not to afterwards and got in the
shower. I wanted to forget it happened even though I technically couldn’t
remember.
But my body did.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was stunned beyond belief. I’d been
on birth control. Apparently, it hadn’t worked.
My therapist, Lisa, asked if I’d reported the assault to anyone, and I
admitted that I’d been too scared. Scared of facing him again, scared that no
one would believe me. I was terrified he’d buy his way out of it, and I’d be
harassed for making the accusation. When I told her who he was—and the
family he belonged to—her eyes widened in shock, then filled with
understanding. I wasn’t the first assault victim she’d ever worked with. She
knew how the system failed us, especially when the perpetrator was part of
the upper crust of society. And the Townsend family was pretty damn far up
on the food chain.
Chester, Chadwick’s father, was the CEO of one of the biggest tech
companies on the east coast. With that in mind, it always surprised me that
Chad hadn’t ended up at an Ivy League university, but he’d wanted to
attend his father’s alma mater. I wished he hadn’t. I wished he’d gone far
away so I never would’ve met him.
“Are we going to ferapy?” Charlie chirped from the back seat. I startled,
having gotten lost in my memories for a long moment.
“Yeah,” I breathed, grabbing my purse from the passenger seat.
I led her into the lobby and checked in with the receptionist. Panic rose
in my throat when they came to get her, and I suddenly didn’t want to let
her go.
“You can come with us,” the assistant informed me, noting my distress.
“Oh.” I stood and smoothed my damp palms over my jean shorts. The
long brightly lit hallway was alive with color. Murals of cartoon characters
covered every wall.
We were led into a room that was surprisingly filled with toys. I knew
she took part in play therapy, but I expected a tiny room with a handful of
boring, educational-purpose-only toys. This looked more like her playroom
at home. I supposed that made sense. She’d make better progress in a place
that felt familiar and safe.
“Hello.” A young woman with a cheery smile and soft pink blouse
breezed into the room.
“Miss Valerie!” Charlie greeted excitedly.
“Hi, Miss Charlie,” she returned, crouching so she was at eye level.
“How was your week?”
“It was good,” Charlie replied, scrunching her shoulders and twisting
from side to side.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Miss Valerie gave her a sweet smile and stood.
She stuck out her hand, and I took it. Her grip was gentle as we shook. “You
must be Delilah.”
“I am,” I replied, wondering how she knew who I was.
“Vivian told me you would be bringing Charlie for the foreseeable
future.” I nodded. Valerie stepped a little closer and lowered her voice while
Charlie was distracted with a toy. “She also explained the family dynamic
present in this situation.” That took me aback. What had Vivian said
exactly? She hadn’t seemed particularly thrilled about me taking over for
her on Tuesdays. She didn’t come right out and say it, but I got the
impression she didn’t think it was my place to take Charlie to therapy.
“It does present some unique challenges,” Valerie continued, snapping
me back to the present, “but it’s nothing we can’t handle. It sounds like
Charlie is lucky to have you in her life. I think you’ll be instrumental in her
success.” She offered a warm, kind smile, and I suddenly felt at ease. No
wonder Charlie liked her so much. Her presence was like a lullaby, soothing
and tranquil.
“I hope so. I just want what’s best for her.”
“Of course,” she offered and turned toward Charlie. I observed quietly,
trying to keep from distracting Charlie so she could focus on getting the
most out of her session.
As they finished up and we prepared to leave, it struck me that we
hadn’t brought Charlie’s teddy bear inside with us. She’d left it in the car
and hadn’t asked for it once. That meant she was making progress. I wanted
to jump up and down for joy, but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself
or the fact that Teddy was absent, so my feet remained planted firmly on the
ground.
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V ance
I t was already dark when I arrived home . C harlie would most
likely be in bed already. I walked up the sidewalk and stopped in front of
my door. My shoulders slumped with exhaustion as I pinched the key
between my fingers. I paused as I slid it into the lock, studying the brightly
colored panel illuminated by the porch light. Sarah had insisted on the coral
paint, despite my protests. I hated the idea but as usual, she’d been right.
The pop of color was refreshing against the sea of neutrals decorating our
house.
I closed my eyes against the memory and pushed through the door. It
was quiet in the house aside from the low murmuring of voices from the TV
in the family room. Assuming that was where I’d find Delilah, I followed
the sound. Delilah was curled up on one end of the couch, her hands tucked
beneath her chin. She looked so peaceful, like a sleeping child.
For a moment, I considered leaving her there, but her neck was bent at
an odd angle, and I knew from experience that sleeping on this couch all
night would do a number on her back. I didn’t want to wake her up and
send her home like this. She was surely exhausted after the day she’d had.
There was only one solution.
I jogged up the stairs two at a time, peeking in on Charlie tucked safely
in her bed before I crossed the hall to the spare bedroom. I switched on the
bedside lamp and turned down the covers, before returning to the family
room.
“Delilah.” I spoke in low tones so I didn’t startle her and gave her
shoulder a gentle shake. She didn’t budge. I repeated her name, a little
louder this time, and gave her another nudge. She groaned and curled
further into herself. Even if I managed to wake her up, there was no way I’d
get her up the stairs without her taking a tumble. That left only one option:
I’d have to carry her.
I swallowed hard as I slid my arms beneath her, one cradling her knees
while the other slipped under her arm and around her back. This was the
closest I’d been to a woman in months, and I would be lying if I said it
didn’t feel good to have her in my arms.
I jostled her a bit when I stood and adjusted my hold on her. Startled,
she nuzzled into me and wrapped both arms around my neck. Her eyes
fluttered open for a moment, the sleepy blue orbs taking me in.
“It’s alright. I’ve got you,” I assured her, and they fell closed again.
She relaxed against me, and I took a moment to breathe her in and bask
in the feeling of her body pressed against mine. I fought the urge to press
my lips to her forehead despite the sense that she probably needed it just as
much as I did. Instead, I ascended the stairs, gently laid her in the bed in the
spare room, and pulled the cover over her. I switched off the lamp and
quietly padded out of the room, leaving the door open a few inches to let in
a sliver of light from the hallway in case she woke in the middle of the
night.
I stood just outside her door for long seconds, resisting the pull to climb
into bed and curl up next to her. I told myself I was just lonely. I told myself
it was only because I missed my wife, and it had nothing to do with the
woman who was slowly worming her way under my skin.
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D elilah
I stretched and yawned , instinctively reaching for my phone . I t
wasn’t there. Eyes still closed, I patted the bed next to me, noticing the
luxurious softness of the sheets. My eyes popped open, and I stared up at
the unfamiliar ceiling. Where the hell am I?
I sat up and glanced around, taking in the vaguely familiar surroundings
in the dim morning light. Rubbing my eyes, I blinked away the remaining
fog of sleep and realized I was still at Vance’s house. I’d crashed shortly
after putting Charlie to bed last night. But how did I get from the couch in
the family room to the guest bedroom?
A flash of Vance’s intense gaze staring down into mine flitted across my
memory. I thought that was just a dream. Had it been real?
“It’s alright. I’ve got you.”
My eyes fell closed at the memory of his deep voice reassuring me, his
strong arms holding me close to his chest. Wrapped in his warm embrace, I
felt safe and protected, like nothing could ever hurt me again. It had been
years since I’d felt that way.
My painfully full bladder chose that moment to make its presence
known, so I threw the covers off my legs and tiptoed across the hall to the
bathroom. I didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I tried to keep as quiet as
possible. When I was done, I went in search of my phone. I found it on the
coffee table where I’d left it the night before. Plucking it from the table, I
turned it over to check the time. It was already after six. There was no way I
could run home and grab a shower before I needed to be back to watch
Charlie. Then I remembered my gym bag was in my car. I’d planned to hit
the gym on my way home last night before I knew Vance needed me to stay
late. At least I’d have something clean to wear.
I wandered into the kitchen to start the coffee pot and checked my text
messages. Opening a text from Emily, I let out a surprised gasp when I read
it. She was moving back home. She had lived out of state since she’d left
for college eight years ago. She and her longtime boyfriend had broken up,
and she wanted to be closer to her parents, so she was looking for a new
job.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed movement in the doorway. I
looked up from the screen to find Vance entering the kitchen, rubbing a
towel over his damp hair. I startled and nearly dropped my phone, letting
out a little shriek. He jumped, and his downcast gaze snapped to me.
I stood there frozen, gawking at him like an idiot as I took in his
glistening bare chest, low slung mesh shorts, and sneakers. My eyes lifted
to meet his as he swiped at the perspiration on his temple. His chest heaved
as he worked to catch his breath.
“Mornin’, Delilah.” My stomach dipped at the sound, my brain
conjuring a different reason for him panting my name.
“G-good morning,” I stammered, averting my gaze. “I, uh, started the
coffee.”
He stepped toward me, and I fought the urge to retreat. “Thank you.”
Opening the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of water and twisted off the cap,
chugging almost all of it in one drink. A bead of moisture collected on his
bottom lip and before I could stop myself, I imagined what it would be like
to lick it off him. Heat rose to my cheeks, and I turned away, pretending to
check on the coffee.
I cleared my throat and opened the cabinet above me. “Did you go for a
run?” I asked, grabbing two mugs and placing them on the counter.
“I have a treadmill in my office.” I heard the fridge open again but
didn’t dare look at him. He stepped up next to me, close enough I could feel
the heat from his skin. The creamer I loved appeared on the counter next to
my mug. Somehow, I managed to thank him without my voice shaking.
When the coffee was done, I filled both our mugs and added plenty of
cream and sugar to mine. Vance eyed my cup and lifted a brow as I stirred
my now beige drink.
“What?” I asked, a little defensive.
“Nothing,” he replied, but mirth danced in his eyes. “You can’t even call
that coffee anymore,” he teased.
I scoffed, “It’s still coffee. It just tastes a whole lot better now that it’s
been doctored up.”
“Whatever you say,” he replied skeptically. Mug in hand, he turned to
the door. “I’m going to head upstairs and get ready for work.” With that, he
disappeared, and I deflated. The playful banter was refreshing, brief as it
was. I’d hoped for more conversation, but he didn’t really have time to sit
and chit chat with me before work.
I decided to whip up a batch of waffles while my coffee cooled and
threw some bacon on the griddle. There was a stack of waffles half a foot
tall by the time Vance returned to the kitchen dressed for work.
“Do you want some breakfast?” I asked, adding another fluffy waffle to
the stack. He peered past me, his eyes settling on the plate.
“I’d love some.”
Charlie had yet to awaken, so it was just Vance and me. His plate was
piled high with waffles and bacon which he drowned in syrup I’d warmed
in the microwave. He looked practically giddy, like a kid on Christmas
morning.
We made small talk while we ate. It was a nice change from the rushed
greetings and hasty goodbyes we usually shared in the mornings. We were
finally getting to know each other, and I realized that when he wasn’t being
all gruff and broody, I actually liked him.
I kinda like him the other way too.
“I love waffles,” he mused, shoveling a huge bite into his mouth.
I giggled. “Me too.”
For a moment, I thought he might lick his plate clean once the last
morsel was eaten. He relaxed in his chair as though too full to eat another
bite.
“That was delicious. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. If you’d like I can make pancakes next time,” I
offered. I’d never seen him eat breakfast before. He usually rushed out the
door with a travel mug full of coffee and nothing else. Not exactly the
breakfast of champions.
He shrugged. “I prefer waffles. They’re the superior breakfast food.”
“I agree. The little nooks and crannies catch all the syrup instead of
letting it run off the sides.”
“Exactly.” The corner of his lip twitched, and he almost smiled. Almost.
Then he glanced down at his watch and straightened. “I’d better get going.”
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V ance
I t had been a long ass week . T he plumber had to be called when
the toilet in the upstairs bathroom nearly overflowed. Thankfully Delilah’s
quick thinking prevented us from having a flooded bathroom. She was able
to shut off the water to the tank just as it reached the rim.
The plumber made it out that evening and was able to clear the clog.
The culprit: one of Charlie’s Barbie doll heads. As soon as the evidence was
presented to her, she hung her head and wouldn’t meet my eye. Delilah, the
ever-patient caregiver, crouched next to her and calmly explained why she
couldn’t flush her toys down the toilet and that if it ever happened again,
she needed to tell someone immediately. I was glad she took the reins on
that one because I was at a loss. I was hanging on by a thread after the
already shitty week I’d had and was on the verge of losing my cool.
On top of that, I got a flat tire on my way home from work one evening
and had to change it. In the rain.
Needless to say, I was glad my afternoon meeting was canceled, and I
got to come home early. I set down my bag and went straight to the kitchen
for a drink. It was sweltering outside, and I was sure if I didn’t get out of
this suit soon, I would melt into a puddle of sweat. As it was, my
shirtsleeves were already rolled up and the top two buttons were undone.
Charlie and Delilah weren’t in the kitchen when I walked in, and I
didn’t hear them moving around upstairs. I wondered where they could be.
Filling a glass with ice, I grabbed the pitcher of lemonade from the fridge
and filled it to the top. I brought the glass to my lips, lifting my gaze. I froze
mid sip when it settled on my backyard.
Charlie and Delilah were out there playing in a big plastic baby pool
perched in the grass beyond the patio. The pool was designed to look like
an elephant with a trunk spouting water out of it from a water hose attached
to the bottom. I’d picked it up last year, knowing Charlie would love it, and
she’d used it all summer long.
I looked from my daughter’s smiling face to the woman in front of her,
and I swallowed hard. Delilah stood in a bikini the color of the ocean. I
tried to make myself look away, but I couldn’t. The cups that held her
breasts had little ruffles that moved with each bounce as she splashed and
played with Charlie. My eyes roamed down her waist, to the flare of her
hips, and on further to her thighs. Damn, how had I never noticed her
decadent curves before?
It was like a switch had been flipped in my brain. As though someone
had snapped their fingers and I’d woken from a sleepy haze. I was wide
awake now and seeing the world in technicolor from Delilah’s brilliant blue
bikini to the deep, rich brown of her hair. In the sunlight, there was just a
hint of mahogany glinting through the strands.
I watched, entranced as she ran around the yard, chasing Charlie. She
was so full of energy and life. It was a harsh reminder that I was still living.
I needed to start acting like it.
Fighting the urge to gawk, I turned away and took a long gulp of my
drink before placing it on the island. I shouldn’t have been watching her
like that. She was Charlie’s nanny. Not to mention, she was twelve years
younger than me. I couldn’t look at her like I was dying to peel the bikini
off her body and—
The back door opened, and Delilah’s voice filtered into the kitchen. “I’ll
be right back. I’m just gonna grab us some popsicles.”
I froze and turned to the sound of her voice. She came around the corner
looking down at her feet, a soft smile on her lips, with a towel wrapped
around her midsection.
She looked up and let out a yelp of surprise. Her damp feet slipped on
the floor, and her arms flailed as she lost her balance. Instinctively, I
reached out to catch her, and when my hands met her bare skin, a current of
need traveled up my arms and hit me right in the gut.
“Shit,” she barked as she attempted to regain her balance. I yearned to
pull her against me. It didn’t matter that she was wet. All the better.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Why wasn’t I letting go? She was
steady on her feet. She didn’t need me holding onto her anymore. But I
desperately needed to hold on to something.
“S’okay,” she assured me, her chest heaving. I imagined her heart racing
after me startling her, and my eyes dropped to the pulse point on her neck.
“Charlie and I are playing outside. Since it’s so nice out, I thought we could
take a break,” she explained. My gaze lifted to hers again. She looked
nervous, as though she worried I’d be mad, and I realized I'd been too gruff
with her. I hadn’t given her a warm welcome when she’d shown up at my
home months ago to help me out of a bind. Not only that, I’d questioned her
intentions and dissected her every move under a microscope. She didn’t
deserve that. She deserved to get to know the old me, the laid-back, funloving guy Sarah had fallen in love with.
Pain twisted in my stomach at that thought. I’d managed to somehow
push my wife to the back of my mind. I still thought about her every day,
but it wasn’t all consuming like it had been for the past six months. Guilt
washed over me, settling on my shoulders like a heavy weight. Maybe it
was irrational, but it felt like I was tarnishing her memory by wanting to
enjoy life. She no longer had that option, and it was so damn unfair that I
wanted to scream.
“Vance.” Delilah’s soft voice snapped me back to the present, and I
realized I was still holding onto her. I immediately released my grip on her
and stepped back, clearing my throat in an attempt to chase away the
awkwardness. Sensing my inner turmoil, she placed a gentle hand on my
forearm and my attention snapped to her face.
“Do you want to join us?” she asked. Her bright blue eyes filled with
sincerity and maybe a little pleading. “I think Charlie would really love it if
you came outside to play with her.” She needs you. She left those words
unspoken, but I felt them like a punch to the gut.
“Okay,” I agreed, and the corner of her lips tipped up. “Let me go
change.” I turned on my heel, not allowing myself a chance to give in to
temptation and peruse her exposed skin. I already felt like a creep for
watching her through the window and imagining what those soft curves
would feel like against my hands.
Shaking away those thoughts, I headed for the stairs, taking them two at
a time. I dug out a pair of board shorts and slipped on some sandals before
heading outside.
“Daddy!” Charlie bounced on her toes in excitement when she spotted
me coming out the door. Her face was already stained red from her popsicle
as she ran toward me, the half-eaten treat clutched in her hand. I scooped
her up and held her close to me. “I so happy you’re here,” she cooed in the
sweet, lyrical voice that melted my heart.
“Me too, munchkin. Me too.”
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D elilah
I sat back and watched as V ance and C harlie played in the
backyard. They chased each other around like she and I had been when he
came home. I had no idea how long he’d stood there and watched before I
came inside, but I knew from his reaction that was what he'd been doing. I
told myself he was only watching his daughter, that he was taking an
opportunity to observe his child interact with her nanny. But the heat in his
gaze as it slid down my body proved otherwise. My skin had warmed under
his perusal, and everywhere he touched felt like it was on fire. Even now,
without his hands on me, I still felt the lingering warmth.
When I slipped, I hadn’t expected him to reach out and wrap one arm
around my waist while the other curled around my bicep. Even more
startling, he’d held on longer than was necessary after I regained my
balance, and I didn’t hate it. Not at all. His palm splayed against my lower
back, the soft pads of his fingers brushing the sensitive skin there. Desire
had pooled low in my belly, and had he not released me when he did, I
might have done something I’d regret. Even as I sat in the shade with a cool
drink pressed to my forehead, my body was like a live wire. One spark and
I might explode.
I should keep my distance. Vance was my cousin’s husband. My dead
cousin. It didn’t matter that she was gone. His heart still belonged to her.
She was his, and he was hers. I wouldn’t tarnish her memory by doing the
unthinkable.
We remained outside for another hour. Charlie giggled as she and Vance
played a game of tag. My heart fluttered in my chest as laughter bubbled up
from Vance’s throat. He was smiling. The man was actually smiling. It was
a sight I had never seen before, not even when he and Sarah adopted
Charlie. He’d been serious then, his brow pinched with unease as though he
thought I might change my mind at the last minute. But now, with his soft
pink lips spread wide, perfectly white teeth gleaming in the sunlight, he was
breathtaking.
Charlie soon became cranky and started rubbing her eyes, so Vance
wrapped her in a towel and held her to his chest as he rocked in the swing.
Within minutes, she was asleep.
“I’m going to put her to bed,” Vance said, his voice low so he didn’t
wake the sleeping child in his arms.
“I’ll grab the door,” I offered, and went to hold the back door open for
him. Once they were inside, I began to straighten up the yard and patio. I
pulled the plug on the pool so it could start to drain and replaced the
cushions on the chairs. The toys were put away and all the trash was
disposed of. Lastly, I went to the elephant pool and squatted next to it as I
tilted it enough to see where the hose was attached. I grabbed it and twisted,
but it wouldn’t budge. Adjusting my grip, I tried again. It wasn’t going
anywhere. I’d have to tilt it on its side to get better access to it.
The yard was getting soggy from the draining pool, so I dragged it
several feet away and lifted one side. The remaining water rushed out as I
turned it completely on its side. With a clearer view of the underside, I
attempted to loosen the hose again, but it was stuck.
“Need some help?” I startled at the sound of Vance’s deep voice. Before
I could turn to look at him and confirm I did in fact need help, his hand
came up to brace against the edge of the pool. The hairs on the back of my
neck stood up, and my skin erupted in goosebumps as a tingling crept up
my spine. His warm breath met the back of my neck when he spoke. “Try it
now,” he instructed as his other hand came up to grip the other side of the
pool.
I was caged in by his big, strong arms, and I had to fight the urge to lean
into him. To relax against the broad chest I’d tried to ignore the whole time
he played with Charlie.
Hands shaking, I twisted the hose again, and when it still didn’t budge,
Vance changed tactics.
“Here, let me try,” he said, removing one hand from the purple plastic. I
thought he’d step aside and let me out of the way, but that wasn’t what
happened. He moved in closer, his chest brushing my shoulders, and I
sucked in a sharp breath. “Hold on to this side too,” he instructed, the deep
timbre of his words settling between my legs. I did as I was told and braced
for whatever came next.
I held the pool steady as he gripped the end of the hose and twisted. He
let out a low grunt, and I closed my eyes against the images playing in my
head of him making that same sound for a different reason. Finally, it gave
way, and the hose came loose. For a moment, I simply stood there, a man
that I shouldn’t have wanted at my back. But I did want him, despite how
wrong it was. I wanted him to close that gap, to make the first move, to
touch me and let me touch him. We both needed it. The tension between us
coiled tightly like a snake ready to strike every time we were in the same
room together. One of these days it would snap, and I’d be left in its wake,
needing more than he could give me.
“You can set the pool down now,” Vance said finally, breaking the
silence. His voice was strained, and I worried I’d held on too long and his
arms had grown tired from being stretched out like they were. I began to
lower the pool to the ground, and he released his hold on the rim.
I turned to find his gaze fixed on me, his chest heaving. His eyes burned
with something carnal, something needy. I swallowed hard. The way he
looked at me… A shiver rippled down my spine. I’d never seen that look in
his eyes before. He wasn’t as unaffected by our closeness as I’d thought. He
looked ready to devour me.
I had to do something to break through the tension that crackled
between us. Nothing could happen. I was his daughter’s nanny. And since I
was also her biological mother and wished to remain in her life, I couldn’t
do anything to jeopardize that position. Having an affair with my boss
would certainly complicate things and potentially ruin what I had built with
Charlie.
“Thank you,” I breathed, “for helping me with that.” I reluctantly broke
eye contact and motioned to the pool.
When I lifted my gaze again, his brow was furrowed, his jaw set in a
hard line. Was he angry with me? He nodded and moved past me. I stepped
to the side to avoid brushing against him. Touching him right now was a
bad idea. I wouldn’t want to stop.
Without another word, he grabbed the pool, lifted it off the ground, and
carried it back to the shed where it had been stored. I greedily soaked in the
sight of his muscled back and shoulders flexing under its weight. I hadn’t
felt this way toward a man in years and had no idea what to do with the
urges that had reawakened in his presence.
As he put away the pool and closed up the shed, I escaped inside the
house to change. After removing my wet swimsuit and slipping into my
shorts and tank, I peeked in on Charlie before returning downstairs. It was
just after four o’clock, and normally I’d start preparing dinner, but I wasn’t
sure that was necessary since Vance was home. However, I had a bowl full
of chicken marinating in the fridge that I’d planned to grill this evening, and
if it didn’t get cooked, it would go bad.
Just then, Vance walked into the kitchen, pulling a shirt over his head. I
caught sight of his washboard abs before they disappeared behind the soft
cotton fabric of his t-shirt. His head popped through the neck hole, and I
immediately looked away.
“You any good at grilling?” I asked, opening the fridge and leaning into
it, not only to retrieve the chicken but also to cool my flushed skin. I placed
the covered glass bowl on the island and leaned my hip against the
countertop.
“That’s the only type of cooking I don’t screw up,” he replied with a
chuckle. It was a nice sound, something I hoped to hear more.
“Good. I’ve got some chicken here that needs to go on,” I said,
motioning to the red lid covering the cutlets soaking up my homemade
marinade. “I’ll get the corn ready before I head out.” Opening the fridge, I
pulled out the ingredients I needed and placed them on the counter.
“Delilah…” Vance said, then cleared his throat. His features pulled tight
with deliberation. I remained silent as he searched for the right words. “Do
you want to stay and have dinner with us?”
Unconsciously, I pulled the side of my bottom lip into my mouth and
gently bit down on it as I considered his offer. I wanted to shout a
resounding yes, but staying for dinner after the moment we shared earlier
felt a lot like playing with fire. This was one flame we shouldn’t dance
around. One or both of us would surely get burned.
Somehow, my head and heart both ignored the warning when I opened
my mouth to respond. “I’d love to.”
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V ance
I had no idea what I was thinking when I asked D elilah to stay for
dinner. It was stupid and impulsive, and now I was stuck dutifully trying to
ignore her long, tan legs and the sliver of cleavage peeking out just above
the neckline of her tank top. It was hot out, and she was merely dressed for
the weather, but damn if it didn’t feel like the ultimate temptation.
Closing the lid to the grill, I chanced one last glance through the
window where Delilah sat at the kitchen island, legs crossed with her head
tilted down as she texted on her phone. I wondered if she was texting a
man, a boyfriend perhaps, and a spark of jealousy ignited in my gut. She
never talked about a guy, but then again, she and I hadn't talked much aside
from discussions centered around Charlie until recently. I knew very little
about her personal life, and even though I knew I shouldn’t pry, I suddenly
needed to know more.
Delilah didn’t spare me a second glance when I came inside, and I
wondered if I’d imagined her panting breaths and heated gaze earlier when
we were close enough to touch. I’d been seconds away from leaning in and
pressing my lips to hers before I gathered my wits. And she’d looked like
she wanted it too. But now she appeared wholly unaffected by my presence.
“Chicken should be ready soon,” I announced, and she jumped,
fumbling her phone. She hadn’t even noticed me come in. A frown pulled at
the corners of my mouth. “Everything alright?” I asked, noticing the crease
in her brow.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied, shaking her head as though to clear her
thoughts. I watched her, hoping she’d elaborate. She noticed the inquisitive
tilt to my head and rested her elbow on the counter with a sigh. “It’s my
friend Shayla.” I nearly sagged in relief, knowing it wasn’t a guy. “She’s
fighting with her parents again. Well, more accurately her stepmom.”
Irritation flashed in her eyes. Clearly Shayla was important to Delilah, and
she was not a fan of the stepmom.
Until this moment, I never considered the possibility of Charlie one day
having a stepmom. It wasn’t even on my radar. Sarah had only been gone
six months. Sure, I was lonely and could use some companionship, but I
wasn’t ready to move on. I hoped when the time came, I chose wisely, and
whoever she was, she’d love my child as her own. Charlie was my top
priority, and I’d sooner stay single the rest of my life than be with someone
who treated her with any less love and kindness than Sarah did.
Or Delilah does.
That thought came on unbidden, and I quickly pushed it away. That line
of thinking landed us in dangerous territory, a place full of emotional
landmines I wasn’t ready to navigate.
Delilah’s phone chimed, drawing me from my thoughts. She picked it
up, swiped her finger across the screen, and released a frustrated huff.
“Ugh, her stepmom is horrible. I don’t know how you can claim to love
someone then treat their kid like garbage.”
New fear unlocked. The idea of lifelong bachelorhood was looking
better and better.
“I’d better check on the food,” I announced, pushing off the counter. If I
didn’t get away from Delilah’s intoxicating scent and the unobstructed view
I had of her cleavage, my resolve to stay single would be at risk of
dissolving completely.
Twenty minutes later, a still sleepy Charlie sat in her spot at the kitchen
table nibbling on a corn cob between yawns. Delilah had managed to wake
her from her nap while I finished up the food. She’d been extra sleepy from
playing in the sun all afternoon, so it had taken twice as long to rouse her.
Delilah reached over and lovingly brushed a wild strand of Charlie’s
hair from her face, so it didn’t get in her mouth while she ate. Eyes shining
with affection, she smiled tenderly at my daughter. Emotion clogged my
throat, and I had to swallow past the thick lump. Watching the two of them
together both melted my heart and shattered it into a million pieces. I was
glad for Charlie’s sake that she had a motherly figure in her life now that
Sarah was gone. Sadness swelled in my chest at the devastating
circumstances that made that possible.
“Did you make cookies?” Charlie asked Delilah, and Delilah chuckled.
The ghost of a smile formed on my lips. Leave it to Charlie to dissolve the
tension I’d been feeling all throughout dinner with a simple, innocent
question.
“Not this time,” Delilah answered, and Charlie began to pout. “But I
made something better.”
Charlie perked up at this. “What is it?
“Strawberry shortcake.”
“That’s my favorite!” Charlie gushed.
“It is?”
Charlie nodded, a huge smile plastered on her face. Delilah gave me a
conspiratorial grin that I returned. She’d asked me the day before what
Charlie’s favorite dessert was and as promised, she made it. I was grateful
she had. It meant I got to see Charlie’s face light up with excitement. It
meant I could watch as Delilah scooped up whipped topping with her finger
and smear on Charlie's nose. She erupted into a fit of giggles and batted it
away, only serving to smear the cream across her face. Ever the good sport,
Delilah let Charlie do the same to her, only she was much less controlled. It
ended up in Delilah’s hair and on her top, but she didn’t care. They laughed
together as Delilah swiped a paper towel over Charlie’s face and handed her
a bowl filled with syrupy strawberries, decadent cake, and sweet cream.
I stepped up to the counter, ready to serve myself dessert while Delilah
wiped at her face.
“You missed a spot,” I informed her, pointing to the coinciding spot on
my face. She wiped at the opposite side, and I laughed.
“No, this side,” I instructed, pointing to my face again. Somehow, she
still managed to miss it.
I chuckled and held out my hand. “Here, let me.” She handed me the
paper towel, and I stepped closer, lifting it to her cheek. Her breath caught,
and my gaze darted to hers. Up close, I could make out a faint ring of
golden sunbursts around her pupils. They dilated slightly as I stared into her
eyes, lost in their crystalline depths. Swallowing thickly, I forced myself to
look away and focus on the spot on her cheek. I gently wiped at the
whipped topping, letting my hand linger on her face.
“Thanks,” she breathed, and I chanced another look into her eyes. Fuck,
they were mesmerizing. A man could easily get lost in them.
I wanted to reach out and touch her, to wrap my arm around her waist
and bring her body flush with mine. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
But damn, the temptation was almost too much.
As if reading my mind, Delilah took a step back, putting a little space
between us. She dropped her gaze, and I almost begged her to look at me
again.
“I’d better head home,” she said, and I had to bite my tongue to keep
from asking her to stay.
“No,” Charlie cried, beating me to it. “I don’t want you to weave.”
Delilah gave her a sad smile and went to her side. “I’m sorry, baby. It's
getting late. But I’ll be back again soon,” she promised, smoothing a hand
over her hair.
“Why don’t we have a slumber party?” Charlie asked, bouncing in her
chair excitedly.
“We can’t have a slumber party, silly,” Delilah replied, playfully
booping her on the nose.
“Why not?” Charlie inquired, and I wondered what excuse she would
come up with.
“Because you can only have slumber parties with friends your age,”
Delilah explained. Nice save.
Charlie thought about this, pressing her finger to her chin as though
deep in thought. “I know!” she announced, lifting that same finger into the
air. “You and Daddy are the same age. You can have a slumber party wif
him!”
Delilah’s face flushed red as all the blood in my body rushed to my
cock. A sleepover with Delilah? Fuck, that would be a disaster. A
deliciously sinful disaster that could never happen.
“Ummm, well…” Delilah sputtered, searching for an age-appropriate
explanation for why her dad and nanny couldn’t have a sleepover.
“Actually, your daddy is a bit older than me,” she explained, the corner of
her lip turning up in a smirk. And by a bit, she meant nearly twelve years,
but Charlie didn’t know that. “Besides,” she continued, “grownups don’t
have slumber parties.”
“They don’t?” Charlie’s face screwed up like that was the most
ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. I covered my mouth with my hand to
shield my amusement, glad not to be the one answering these questions.
“Nope.”
Charlie harrumphed and crossed her arms.
“Sorry, sweet pea.” She kissed Charlie’s hair one last time. “See you
soon,” she promised and turned for the door, halting in her tracks when she
saw that I stood between her and the exit. The moment we shared earlier
weighed heavily between us. “Goodnight, Vance,” she said finally.
“Goodnight,'' I replied. She breezed past me, and I stepped aside to let
her out, all the while fighting the urge to beg her to stay.
It was jarring, realizing how badly I wanted her. Seeing her today,
carefree and with her luscious body on display, awoke something inside of
me. Every carnal urge that had lain dormant that past several months came
roaring back to life.
And I hated myself for it. I shouldn’t have been looking at another
woman like that, especially when said woman was my wife’s family.
Especially when she looked so much like the woman I vowed to love for
the rest of my life.
What was I going to do? It would be torment to have her in my life, in
this platonic capacity until Charlie went to school. But I couldn’t act on my
feelings. It would be wrong, a conflict of interest considering I signed her
paychecks. I would have to get control of myself.
And probably take lots of cold showers.
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27
D elilah
S ummer thunderstorms rolled in the following week . T hey came
with a vengeance, occasionally knocking out power and making some roads
impassable. That meant Charlie and I were stuck inside with no way to
relieve her summertime restlessness. She was used to taking walks in the
morning and playing in the backyard or going to the park after lunch. Since
there’d been a steady drizzle most of the day, none of that would be
happening. She was content to play educational games on her tablet.
After lunch, we settled into the big, soft couch in the family room and
selected a movie. Charlie snuggled up next to me, curling into my side.
Regret tugged at my heart. This was what I’d been missing this whole time.
Giving her up meant missing out on sweet, simple moments like these. For
three and a half years, someone else got to snuggle with her while watching
movies, kiss her boo boos, and hold her as she fell asleep.
A sudden wave of sadness washed over me, and I fought back tears. I
might have missed out on these moments, and though I was filled with
regret, I was thankful Charlie hadn’t missed out. She’d had Sarah, and I
knew in my heart that she’d been the right person for the job. I couldn’t
have been the mother Charlie needed at the time. I’d been in a bad place
back then and would’ve been of no use to anyone, especially a child.
I wrapped my arm tighter around her tiny shoulders, pulling her closer
to me. My lips found the crown of her head, and I placed a lingering kiss to
her hair, soaking up the moment as I closed my eyes. She smelled of
strawberry shampoo and grape jelly from the sandwich she had at lunch.
Gratitude filled my soul. It was like I’d been given a second chance. Maybe
not in the capacity as her mom, but at least I got to be part of her life. I
wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my days wondering “what if?” I
wouldn’t have to worry whether I’d made the right decision or if her
adoptive family treated her well. I got to see it nearly every evening. Vance
doted on her. He made sure her every need was met. It was obvious she
adored him and vice versa. When he came through the door in the evenings,
she nearly jumped for joy. Her smile lit up the room when he was near, and
it made my heart sing.
Not even halfway through the movie, Charlie was slumped against me,
sound asleep. I grabbed the remote and flipped over to Vance’s profile to
see if I could find the new show I’d been wanting to watch. It came up
immediately in the “watch again” section, and I smiled to myself. It
appeared Vance had already binged the entire season.
My eyes soon grew heavy despite the engaging storyline on the screen
and before I knew it, I was out cold.
I awoke sometime later to a message on the screen asking if I was
still watching. Straightening, I clicked the TV off. I glanced down at
Charlie’s sleeping form, which was now stretched across my lap, and
brushed the hair from her face. Her cheeks were pink and round. She hadn’t
quite lost the babyish quality to her features yet, but I knew it was coming.
She’d be four soon and would start to look more like a preschooler and less
like a toddler. Selfishly, I wanted to keep her this way for a while longer. I
wanted to enjoy her in this stage of her life in a way I’d missed out on
during her infancy. But time wasn’t on my side. Soon she would start
school and wouldn’t need me as much as she did now.
Pain speared through my chest, and I rubbed a hand over my sternum to
soothe the ache. I had to find a way to stay in her life somehow when this
was all over. Now that I knew her, there was no way I could walk away
again.
Charlie awoke soon after, and we headed upstairs to complete her
afternoon lessons. I was amazed at how well she was doing considering her
age. She had another full year before she went to school, but academically,
she would be ready within the next six months if she kept up the same pace.
She was a bright child who had thrived under one-on-one instruction. Now
the only challenge was re-introducing her into a classroom of her peers with
a teacher she wasn’t familiar with. I was in no hurry for that to happen, but
it was inevitable.
As the evening sky darkened, the rain picked up. By the time Charlie
and I had eaten dinner, it was practically coming down in sheets. I
continuously peered out the front window, anxiously awaiting Vance’s
return home. He texted me earlier to let me know he’d be a little late, but it
was after seven, and he still wasn’t here.
Just before eight, the muted glow of headlights reflected off the walls of
the entryway, signaling his arrival. Vance bolted up the sidewalk, his jacket
held above his head to ward off the rain. I breathed out a relieved sigh and
quickly stepped back from the window. I didn’t want him to know I’d been
watching for him.
He practically burst through the door and promptly shut it behind him.
Despite the jacket he’d been using as a makeshift umbrella, he was dripping
wet.
“Daddy!” Charlie squealed, excited he’d finally made it home.
“Hey, munchkin,” he said, shaking out his hair and hanging his jacket
on the hook.
“Let me grab you a towel,” I offered and slipped into the laundry room
where a freshly folded stack of towels sat perched atop a still warm dryer.
I handed him the towel, and his cool fingers brushed against my warm
ones, sending shivers up my arm. I suspected it had nothing to do with the
temperature of his skin. He froze for a moment as though he felt it too.
“Thank you,” he mumbled, glancing away from me. He ran the towel
over his head, drying his dark hair before swiping it over his clothes.
Slipping off his shoes, he removed his socks and dried his feet. “This is as
good as it’s going to get,” he announced, laying the towel on the floor to
soak up the puddle he’d made on the hardwood.
Without another word, he headed upstairs leaving tiny droplets of water
in his wake. When he returned, his hair was almost dry, and he had a pair of
dark lounge pants slung low on his hips. The simple white t-shirt with its
subtle V-neck showed off the small dusting of dark hair at the top of his
chest. Images of him in his board shorts flashed in my mind. His abs had
been rock hard with more ridges than I could count without being obvious.
His long lean muscles, wide shoulders, and narrow hips had been on full
display that day we’d played in the backyard. My pulse accelerated at the
memory. I’d yearned to lean into him as he helped me with the pool. Thank
goodness I hadn’t let myself. He hadn’t gotten that close again since, and I
got the distinct impression he’d known how badly I wanted to touch him
and was avoiding any contact with me now. I needed to stop ogling him
before he noticed, so I gave Charlie a hug, grabbed my things, and headed
toward the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I halted in my tracks at the sound
of Vance’s deep, commanding voice.
Turning to peer over my shoulder, I caught sight of him silently padding
toward me on his bare feet, his hard jaw set with determination. I
swallowed thickly and croaked out, “Home.”
“You can’t go out in this,” he chided, and I turned to face him fully. He
stopped directly in front of me, and I drank him in. His large hands rested
on his hips, and a furrow creased his brow. Defiance rose in my chest. Did
he think I couldn’t drive in the rain? What else would I do? Stay here?
“I’ll be fine. I’ve driven in the rain before.” I turned to leave, but he
grabbed my elbow. A bolt of electricity shot up my arm, and I fought the
urge to wrench away; not because it was unpleasant, but because I wanted
to feel his touch elsewhere.
“Delilah,” he pleaded, and I lifted my gaze from where he held me to
his startling blue eyes shimmering with concern. “It’s terrible out there. It
took me over an hour to get home. I had to take a totally different route.
Some of the roads are completely covered with water, and you can’t see
five feet in front of you. You really shouldn’t go out in this storm.”
Just then a crack of thunder reverberated through the house, punctuating
his warning. Startling, he dropped my arm and took a step back, and I
instantly missed the connection. I absently rubbed the skin that now tingled
with the ghost of his touch.
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D elilah
“Y ou can spend the night here ,” V ance said , and I felt the air grow
thick and heavy around us. Or perhaps I was imagining it. His eyes briefly
flashed down my body. It was quick, but I caught it. Maybe I was wrong
about why he’d been avoiding me.
He cleared his throat and took another step back. “I’m going to grab
something to eat, then I’ll make up the spare room for you.”
“Okay,” I croaked through my suddenly dry throat.
The last time I stayed here, I had no idea what was going on since I fell
asleep on the couch. I didn’t know I was sleeping down the hall from
Vance, something I was acutely aware of this time around. Did he wear
those lounge pants to bed, or did he sleep in the nude? Would he shower
before slipping between the sheets? Would he think of me while he did? My
mind was running wild with possibilities. I needed to get a hold of myself
before I did something stupid.
While Vance ate his dinner, I helped Charlie get ready for bed. She
climbed into her bed and looked up at me with her big doe eyes. “Will you
read me a bedtime story?” she asked sweetly.
“Of course,” I replied, giving her a gentle smile. I settled in next to her
with a book, and she leaned into my side much like she had earlier on the
couch. She was yawning and rubbing her eyes by the time the story was
finished and asked me to read it again. I, of course, obliged. This time, she
was asleep before I read “the end.”
“She loves that story.” I glanced up to find Vance leaning against the
doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. I had no idea how long he’d
been there, but my cheeks warmed at the thought of him listening to me
doing all the different characters’ voices.
Careful not to disturb Charlie, I slipped out of her bed, gently laying her
head on the pillow and headed for the door.
“The guest room is ready,” he said, nodding across the hall.
“Thank you.” He tipped his head in acknowledgment and stepped aside
to let me out.
“I’m going to be in my office catching up on work if you need anything.
The TV is all yours if you’re not ready for bed.”
“Okay,” I replied, trying not to let my disappointment show. I didn’t
know why I thought he would want to hang out with me. At some point, I’d
begun to crave his presence and was dying to spend more time with him
and get to know him better. Naively, I thought this would be the perfect
opportunity. Clearly, he hadn’t shared the sentiment.
I followed him downstairs, splitting off to head to the family room
while he closed himself inside his office. Turning on the TV, I returned to
the show I’d been watching earlier and found where I left off when I fell
asleep with Charlie. I watched a couple more episodes, leaving the volume
down low not wanting to disturb Vance in case he could hear it in his office.
I listened for him to head to bed, but I never heard him come out of his
office.
It was nearing midnight when I finally called it a night and headed to
the guest room. I was surprised to find an oversized t-shirt draped across the
duvet. I hadn’t considered what I’d wear to bed (although I’d thought about
what Vance would wear several times), but he’d been thoughtful enough to
find me something comfortable to sleep in. A slow smile curled my lips as I
picked it up and rubbed the soft, worn cotton between my fingers. It was
definitely a men’s shirt, and I was instantly thankful he’d provided me with
a piece of his clothing and not Sarah’s. That would have been far too
strange and honestly a little uncomfortable.
I found myself wondering what he’d done with her clothes. Had he kept
them hanging in their closet as though she would come back to them one
day, donated them to charity, stored them away in the attic? I wasn’t curious
enough to ask, and it wasn’t really any of my business, but I hoped he’d
kept some special pieces for Charlie at least.
After a quick trip to the restroom where I found the extra toothbrush
Vance left for me, I returned to the guest room and changed into the t-shirt
before slipping into bed. The sheets were freshly laundered, cocooning me
in the scent of spring flowers. I laid there for a long time, willing myself to
go to sleep. I tossed and turned, fluffed and re-fluffed my pillow, but I was
restless. The nap I’d taken earlier probably wasn’t helping either. Letting
out a long, frustrated huff, I sat up and checked the time. It was after one in
the morning. I’d wrestled around in the bed so much, I’d built up a thirst.
Climbing out of bed, I silently padded across the room and into the
hallway. I didn’t want to risk waking anyone, especially Vance since he
would have to work in the morning.
I quietly crept down the stairs and went to the kitchen. Opening the
cabinet, I winced when the hinges squeaked. Grabbing a glass, I closed the
cabinet door softly then filled it with water before taking several long gulps.
With my thirst quenched, I gently placed the glass in the sink, a subtle
clinking the only sound in the room.
“You don’t have to be quiet on my account,” a voice said from behind
me, and I jumped. I turned toward the sound, my hand pressed to my chest,
only to find Vance sitting at the kitchen table, his face hidden in shadows.
His long fingers gripped the rim of a tumbler, swirling the amber liquid
inside. My chest heaved with each ragged breath I took. He startled me,
sending my pulse into a gallop.
“I’m sorry,” I said, unsure what I was apologizing for. “I didn’t realize
you were in here.”
“Clearly,” he deadpanned before draining his drink. He stood and
stepped into the moonlight, highlighting the hollow, haunted look in his
eyes. I’d never seen him like this before. His features twisted with guilt and
uncertainty as though a war was being waged within him. He was hurting. I
wanted to reach out and touch him, to soothe him somehow, but I stood
still, waiting for his next move. He slowly stalked toward me, and I tilted
my head back to hold his gaze as he approached.
“I see you found the shirt I left for you.”
“I-I did. Thank you.”
“I shouldn’t like seeing you in it as much as I do,” he breathed, and he
was close enough I could smell the whiskey on his breath. He’d been down
here drinking alone. Before I could read too much into that, he reached for
the hem of my shirt, plucking the cotton between his fingers. I sucked in a
breath when his fingertips brushed the tops of my thighs.
“Why can’t I stop thinking about you?” he asked quietly, as though
speaking to himself, his gaze fixed on the material he held up for
inspection. Cool air whispered across the exposed skin of my thighs and
lower belly. If I hadn’t kept my underwear on, I would’ve been completely
bare to him.
I pressed my thighs together as a wave of desire rolled through me. His
eyes flashed to mine, and I realized I let out a little moan at the thought of
being naked from the waist down with his hands so close to my exposed
skin. I had only a split second to take in the heat in his eyes before he
struck.
His lips crashed down on mine as he pulled me against him. His free
hand speared into my hair as he slid the hand that had lifted my shirt around
my waist, the warm skin of his arm sliding over my bare torso. It took my
brain a moment to catch up to what was happening, but when it finally did,
I threw my arms around his neck and arched my back, pressing my breasts
into his hard chest. A low groan rumbled in his throat as he tightened his
grip, and my nipples pebbled against the thin cotton of my shirt. If he took a
step back, there’d be no hiding how turned on I was by him.
He leaned into me and pressed me against the kitchen counter as his
tongue probed inside my mouth. I opened for him and tilted my head to let
him in deeper. He kissed me like a man crazed for my touch. It was
desperate and hungry and made me crave more.
His hands dropped to my ass, and he gave it a squeeze before lifting me
onto the counter and stepping between my open legs. I let out an unladylike
groan when his rock-hard erection connected with my soaking wet core. My
panties did little to conceal my arousal, and I was certain he could feel the
wetness through the thin material of his lounge pants. He pressed into me,
his hands on my ass as he ground his cock against my heated flesh. My
belly coiled tightly at the sensation as tingles spread out from my center. It
wouldn’t take long for me to come undone if he kept stroking me like that,
working his hard ridge against my swollen clit.
His mouth dropped to my throat, and I tilted my head back to grant him
better access. The warmth of his mouth was a welcome sensation despite
the rising temperature in the room. His tongue darted out to taste my skin
the same moment his hand slid forward, his fingers skimming over my
panties. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, preparing for his touch in the
exact spot I needed it. The pad of his thumb skimmed over the damp cotton
just as light flashed behind my eyelids. A second later, a loud crash
rocketed through the house, and Vance jumped back, startled by the
thunder.
He was panting, and his nostrils flared as they pulled in air. His gaze
bored into me, his eyes scanning over my body from my mussed hair to the
too large t-shirt hanging off my shoulders, the hem pulled up to my waist.
He scrubbed a frustrated hand over his face and then his hair before settling
both hands on his hips. He looked torn, his eyes full of lust and regret.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, averting his gaze. “I shouldn’t have done
that.” Without a second glance, he stormed out of the kitchen, and a
moment later his heavy footsteps thudded up the stairs. I was left sitting
there on the kitchen counter, half naked and confused, wondering what the
hell just happened.
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V ance
F uck , what had I done ? M y pulse pounded in my ears as I stalked
toward the stairs.
Don’t run. Stay calm.
I climbed the steps two at a time, doing my best to put as much distance
between Delilah and me as I could. I needed space to think and clear my
head. The booze was a bad decision. Normally I could ward off her charms
and keep my defenses up. But the single malt whiskey had weakened me.
Seeing her in nothing but my t-shirt had landed the final blow to my
resistance.
It didn’t help that I knew she wanted me too. I’d ignored it for weeks,
hoping if I didn’t encourage her affections, she’d forget about it and move
on. Wishful thinking. It was official. I was a fucking idiot.
I shut my bedroom door behind me, went straight to my en-suite, and
turned on the shower. Pulling my shirt over my head, I tried to ignore the
erection straining against my pants. That was a problem I’d have to resolve
immediately. I couldn’t think clearly with my libido driving and controlling
my impulses. He needed to take a back seat so I could think with something
other than my dick.
I knew I shouldn’t have thought of Delilah. It was only adding fuel to an
already raging fire, but I couldn’t get the scent of her arousal out of my nose
or forget the feel of the damp cotton between her thighs. Her name fell
softly from my lips as my climax spilled onto the shower floor.
I quickly washed off before stepping out into the steaming bathroom.
Rubbing my hand over the mirror, I forced myself to look at the reflection
staring back at me. This was who I’d become? The type of man who lusted
after the nanny? I wasn’t supposed to be attracted to her. I wasn’t allowed to
want her.
Was I?
Was it really so wrong to feel this way about Delilah? Would I have this
guilt eating me up inside if she was a stranger and not Sarah’s cousin?
Would it be less taboo if she wasn’t Charlie’s biological mother? All these
questions swirled around in my head with no solid answers.
My wife had been gone nearly eight months, and Delilah was the first
person to make me feel alive again. I loved Charlie. She was my everything
and the only reason I’d survived those first several months, but Delilah’s
touch had sparked something inside of me that revived my soul. I wanted to
live again, not just exist for the sake of my daughter.
I finished drying and stepped into a fresh pair of pants. The pair I’d
worn earlier were bundled up tightly in my hamper. They bore Delilah’s
scent, and I knew if I put them on again, I wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. It
was hard enough thinking about her just down the hall, in the guest
bedroom all alone. Was she touching herself beneath the sheets just like I
had in the shower? Did she need the self-satisfaction to soothe the aching
need like I did?
Fuck, I was hard again thinking about her touching herself. I could go to
her, apologize for pulling away so abruptly.
No.
I wouldn’t use her to satisfy my needs. We both needed time to process
our feelings and what happened in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure where we'd go
from here, but jumping into bed together wasn’t the answer. As badly as I
wanted to ignore logic and just follow my instincts, I couldn't do that. Not
to her, not to myself, and certainly not to Charlie. If Delilah and I got
involved and things went sideways, my daughter was the one who would
suffer. And that was a chance I simply couldn’t take.
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D elilah
S unlight blazed through the eastward facing window , the storms
from the night before gone with nothing but the damp ground left behind as
evidence. I checked the time and immediately hopped out of bed. Vance
was probably already up and getting ready for work. I didn’t want to run
into him after what transpired last night. I tore his t-shirt over my head,
sparing only a second to indulge in the scent of him that still lingered there.
Dressing in my clothes from yesterday, I tiptoed across the hall to the
bathroom. After relieving my bladder and brushing my teeth again, I rushed
back to make the bed. I paused at the top of the steps to see if I could hear
anyone moving about downstairs before heading down there. Luckily, the
coast was clear, so I grabbed my purse and dug my keys out as I went to the
door. Swinging it open, I went to step onto the front porch but stopped dead
in my tracks when I nearly ran into someone.
I gasped when I looked up to see Vance’s mom standing on the other
side, arm raised like she was about to knock.
“Delilah,” she screeched in surprise.
“Vivian,” I said, equally as startled. I knew it was her day to watch
Charlie, but I hadn’t realized she’d be here this early.
Shit. This looked bad. It looked like I was sneaking out to avoid being
seen doing the walk of shame. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion as she
took in my disheveled appearance and deer in the headlights expression.
“What are you doing here this time of the morning?” she questioned,
one eyebrow lifted in inquiry. “On your day off,” she added, her tone
steeped in suspicion.
“I, uh, stayed here last night.” Both brows shot to her hairline, and I
hurried to clarify. “Vance got in late because of the storms. The rain was
coming down hard, and some of the roads were flooded. He didn’t want me
to drive in it.” She eyed me skeptically as though he’d left the imprint of his
kiss on my skin. “Thank goodness he has a guest room, so I didn’t have to
sleep on the couch,” I added just in case. Was that too much? Did it make
me seem more guilty or was it just the right amount of explanation? I
fought the urge to fidget under her assessing gaze until she relaxed and
spoke again.
“Well, it’s a good thing because there were wrecks everywhere. I heard
on the radio this morning they had to rescue a woman from her car after a
flash flood nearly swept it away.” She shook her head and stepped around
me to go inside. Before shutting the door, she turned and spoke to me again.
“You be careful going home, Delilah.” It could’ve been my imagination, but
her words were tinged with warning. What for, I wasn’t sure.
The events from last night played over and over in my head on my drive
home. I didn’t believe Vance had been drunk, but he’d certainly had enough
to lower his inhibitions. The control he usually held on to had snapped, and
he acted on impulse.
Why he’d been drinking in the first place was beyond me. Was that
something he did every night? Did it help him sleep? He seemed like he had
a lot on his mind. Maybe it threw him off having me in his house. Either
way, I couldn’t help but wonder if he would have acted the same if it had
been something else in his glass.
An ache settled in my chest at the memory of the regret written all over
his face when he pulled away. He’d wanted to kiss me. I knew it from the
way he’d desperately and feverishly devoured my lips, from the way he’d
ground his erection into me with an almost animalistic need. Had that been
all it was? Just a need for release that drove him to do what he did? Was I
just an itch he needed to scratch? Was it simply because I looked so much
like her?
By the time I pulled up to my house, I had more questions, and I wasn’t
sure I’d like the answers.
M y heart raced as I turned on to V ance ’ s street the next morning .
I’d seriously considered calling in sick—something I hadn’t done since I
started working for him—but I didn’t want to leave him high and dry
without a babysitter. Or look like a coward who was too afraid to face him
again. I couldn’t let my anxiety over the awkwardness that was sure to be
present keep me from doing my job.
And seeing my daughter.
I let myself in with the key Vance had given me when I started working
for him. It took me a long time to get used to using it rather than knocking
like a stranger, but Vance had said it made more sense for me to be able to
let myself in rather than having to wait on him. It was a sign of his growing
trust in me, something I wouldn’t squander by questioning it. That day, I’d
felt a shift in our relationship. He’d started to see me as someone he could
trust and rely on and not just the nanny he hired as a last resort.
There was an even bigger shift two nights ago when he had his tongue
in my mouth and his fingers in my hair. I wasn’t sure how we'd come back
from that. I wasn’t sure I wanted to come back from it. My body craved
more of his touch, more of that fire that scorched my soul and set my skin
ablaze. Just thinking about it now had me fanning myself and taking a
calming breath to keep from panting. That man knew how to kiss and
exactly how to touch me. It had been far too long since I’d had someone
who knew just what to do to get my motor running.
Face flushed and heart pounding, I pushed through the door that led into
the kitchen and came to a halt. Vance was leaning over, pouring coffee into
a travel mug with his phone wedged between his shoulder and his ear. His
gaze snapped up at the sound of me entering the kitchen, and his eyes fixed
on me briefly. Distracted, he overflowed his cup, not realizing until coffee
began to flow over the edge of the counter and splash onto the floor.
“Shit,” he cursed and placed the pot back into the coffee maker.
“Nothing,” he barked at the person on the other end of the line. “Just spilled
my coffee.” He reached for the roll of paper towels and tore off a long strip,
dabbing up the spilled drink on the counter first and then the floor. “No, it’s
fine,” he assured the person on the phone. He listened for several long
seconds as I stood motionless by the door, unable to command my feet to
move. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he promised, not sparing me another
glance. Finally, he hung up and grabbed his mug and headed for the exit.
“Charlie’s still asleep. I have a meeting to get to.” Before I could
respond, he brushed past me, leaving out of the kitchen like the hounds of
hell were at his heels. Clearly, he regretted what happened the other night
and didn’t want a repeat. That was fine. It had been a mistake, anyway.
So why did it feel like my heart was being squeezed inside my chest?
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V ance
I held my breath as I brushed past D elilah on my way out the door .
If I inhaled her scent, I’d crack. I would turn around, grab her by the waist,
and pull her against me just so I could hear her gasp before crashing my lips
down on hers. It was all I could think about this morning while getting
ready. I wanted more. I needed to taste her lips again and feel her soft skin
against my palms. I longed to graze her silken heat with my fingers just to
see how she would respond.
My yearning would have to go unanswered. I needed to put some
distance between us and maintain clear boundaries. As badly as I wanted
her, it would be a mistake. My wife hadn’t even been gone a year, and I
wasn’t certain my attraction to Delilah was purely about her or if it was
simply because she reminded me so much of Sarah. Guilt ate at me with
that thought. Not only did Delilah deserve better—not a man grieving for
his wife who just so happened to look like her—but I'd also played a part in
Sarah’s untimely death. It was my fault she was gone. The doctors had
warned us she needed to keep her blood pressure down, but when I found
an inappropriate message on her phone from another man, I’d lost it. The
fight that ensued after that was the last time I saw her alive. She was gone,
and I only had myself to blame.
I didn’t deserve to be happy. I didn’t deserve to move on with another
woman, certainly not Delilah. I’d probably end up hurting her too. It was
best if I kept my distance, for both our sakes.
T he house smelled like vanilla and sweet cream when I came
through the door that evening. I followed the sound of music to the kitchen
where I found Charlie and Delilah singing as they piped pastel colored
frosting onto sugar cookies. There was white powder all over the counters,
their faces, and in their hair, but Charlie’s smile was well worth the mess.
The two sang in unison to Charlie’s favorite Disney song. Delilah leaned
over as she piped the last row of cookies, shimmying to the beat of the
chorus. Her ass moved back and forth beneath her cut-off denim shorts, and
I fought back a groan. Here, I'd resolved to stay away from her, to quit
lusting after the woman caring for my child, and all I could think about was
running my hands up the backs of her thighs and under her shorts.
I cleared my throat as I tried to get ahold of myself, and two sets of
matching blue eyes snapped to where I stood in the doorway. “Daddy,”
Charlie squealed. It was a sound I would never grow tired of. She hopped
off her stool and ran to me.
“Charlie, wait! You’re covered in—” Delilah tried to warn her, but it
was too late. Charlie slammed into my legs, and a cloud of powdered sugar
erupted between us. I didn’t care, though. My little girl was excited to see
me. I scooped her up and held her close. At least I wasn’t wearing my suit
jacket, so the white powder blended in with my white dress shirt. My pants
hadn’t fared so well, but that was what the dry cleaner was for.
“We made cookies!” Charlie clapped excitedly.
“I see that,” I replied with a playful grin. My gaze moved to Delilah,
and she looked away, returning her focus to the cookies. I swallowed hard,
knowing I’d hurt her with my dismissive attitude this morning. I felt like
the world’s biggest jerk. She went above and beyond for Charlie and me.
She didn’t have to bake cookies with her or set up playdates or do the
laundry on occasion, but she did it anyway. She was fucking wonderful, and
I’d practically ignored her instead of being an adult and talking to her about
what had happened.
“Can I have one?” Charlie asked, batting those ridiculously long
eyelashes at me. “Pwease,” she pleaded, pressing her hands together like
she was praying. She knew she wasn’t allowed to have sweets before she
ate her dinner, but she caught me at a weak moment.
“Just one,” I said, holding up my pointer finger. She wiggled with
excitement, and I set her on her feet. She went to the counter to make her
selection, deliberating over what color frosting she wanted. Finally, she
plucked a pink one off the parchment and held onto it with both hands as
she took a bite. She bounced with sheer delight as she chewed, and I
watched as a soft smile formed over Delilah’s lips. I couldn’t imagine what
went through her head in moments like these. It was clear she loved
Charlie. Did she regret missing out on the first few years of her life? Was
she trying to make up for it now?
“I’m going to start on dinner. Do you want to help?” Charlie’s head rose
and dipped in a dramatic nod, her mouth too full to speak. Delilah giggled,
and the sound went straight to my groin. Everything this woman did felt
sensual, even the most mundane actions. I was secretly overjoyed that she
hadn’t started cooking yet because that meant I had more time to prepare
what I’d say to her. We’d get a chance to talk after dinner. I just hoped I
could stay focused with her long tan legs on display.
I snuck away to change out of my work clothes while Delilah set out the
ingredients for dinner. When I returned, she was helping Charlie whisk an
egg.
I leaned across the opposite side of the island and braced my weight on
my forearms. “What are you making?”
“Fried rice, chicken, and veggies,” Delilah replied, not looking up.
“That sounds great. Is there anything I can do to help?” Her gaze lifted
to mine, a hint of surprise gleaming in the crystalline depths. I wasn’t
usually home when she started dinner, and therefore had never helped, but I
needed to feel useful. I couldn’t just stand here and watch her cook. It was
already giving me ideas of things that could never be.
“Sure.” She shrugged and slid a cutting board and pile of vegetables my
way. “You can chop these up.” I nodded and set to work.
Before long, our plates were full, and we were gathered around the
table. Delilah almost always ate dinner with us these days, and I got the
impression she stayed to take advantage of every last minute she could get
with Charlie. Tonight, I’d need her to stay longer. As much as I wanted to
avoid the elephant in the room, it was unwise to let it go any longer.
“Do you want to pick out a movie to watch?” I asked Charlie once she
finished her dinner.
“Anyfing I want?” she asked, a hopeful gleam in her eye.
“Anything,” I promised.
“Yay!” She jumped from her chair and ran to the family room. I
followed close behind, knowing Delilah wouldn’t leave right away. She
always made sure the kitchen was tidied before she left. I got Charlie settled
in with her favorite blanket and scrolled through movie selections until she
found one she wanted to watch.
As I returned to the kitchen, Delilah turned on the dishwasher and shut
it. “Delilah,” I said softly and took a tentative step toward her. She turned to
face me, her eyes full of trepidation. “I think we need to talk.”
“I think you’re right,” she confirmed with a sigh, resignation settling
over her features.
“I owe you an apology.” She winced and glanced away. “I… What I did
the other night—” my voice fell away. I didn’t know what to say. I regretted
it, but at the same time, I didn’t. It was explosive, and I wanted more than
anything to do it again, but I couldn’t. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was
inappropriate.” I inwardly cringed at my word choice. I was going to
royally screw this up. She stood stock still for a long moment, then her eyes
finally lifted to mine.
“Why did you do it then?” she challenged.
I swallowed thickly, knowing I couldn’t lie to her. “Because I wanted
to.”
She nodded, letting my candid response sink in. “Did I, at any point,
give you the impression that I didn’t want you to?”
Her response caught me off guard.
“No, but it still shouldn’t have happened. You work for me. I can’t go
around kissing you just because I want to.”
“Is that why you were sitting there alone in the dark, drinking? Because
you wanted to kiss me?” Shit, she was playing hard ball. She wasn’t going
to let me off easy. It both infuriated and aroused me.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, frustrated this conversation wasn’t
going how I expected. “Yes,” I answered honestly. “I knew it was wrong,
but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I thought a night cap would help.”
“Do you do that a lot?” she asked, her expression morphing into
concern. She stepped closer. Only a couple feet separated us now.
“Never,” I admitted. It was true. The last time I’d had a drink was the
night I went out with my buddies. I’d had that bottle of whiskey for over a
year, and there was barely anything missing from it. I’d wanted to drown
my sorrows in it after Sarah died, but I couldn’t. I had Charlie to take care
of.
But two nights ago, I’d needed a distraction and something to soothe the
ache. If Delilah hadn’t come downstairs in my shirt with those gorgeous
fucking legs on display, I’d have been fine. I’d have had another drink and
gone to bed. But she’d tiptoed into the kitchen like a thief in the night, my
shirt riding up to reveal the curve of her ass in those cheeky panties as she
reached for a glass and wrecked my carefully laid plan.
She studied me for a moment, and I nearly balked under her scrutiny. I
felt bare and exposed, as though she could read my mind. She moved in
closer. Only a foot separated us now.
“Do you want to kiss me again?” she asked.
“I can’t,” I whispered. My gaze fell to her lips despite my proclamation.
Her pink tongue darted out to wet them, and I almost faltered. Almost. I
straightened and broke the trance her pretty pink mouth had on me. “It was
a mistake. It can’t happen again,” I announced. Pain and embarrassment
washed over her face. My jaw ticked as I ground my teeth together to keep
from taking it back. I couldn’t look at the hurt in her eyes, so I side-stepped
her and slipped out of the room into the hallway. A few minutes later I
heard the front door shut and breathed a sigh of relief.
I uncurled my hands and ran my fingers through my hair. That wasn’t
how I’d hoped our conversation would go, but it had to be done. I was no
good for Delilah, nor was I in any position to offer her what she needed.
She would thank me later. At least that was what I told myself.
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D elilah
I never expected V ance ’ s rejection to sting like it did . T ears filled
my eyes as I gathered my things and hugged Charlie goodbye. At least I
didn’t have to see him tomorrow or the next day. I had the entire weekend
to work on getting over my disappointment. I would forget about this silly
crush I had on my boss and move on.
So, when Shayla texted me on Saturday asking if I wanted to go out, I
said yes. I desperately needed the distraction, and she was stressing over the
ongoing fight between her and her stepmom, Phoebe. Her father was taking
his wife’s side, and Shayla was understandably upset. She was fuming mad,
but beneath all that anger, she was hurt. His allying with Shayla’s stepmom
felt like a major betrayal, and sadly this wasn’t the first time something like
that had happened.
“I’m just so sick of him taking Phoebe’s side over mine all the time,”
she fumed from her perch at the end of my bed. “But he’s too blinded by
her big, fake tits and finally having the ‘son’,” she sneered, making air
quotes around the word, “he’s always wanted to see the truth.” Shayla
rolled her eyes dramatically at the mention of her stepbrother, Brody. I
couldn’t say I blamed her for her dislike of the guy. He was a cocky,
arrogant playboy who thought his shit didn’t stink because he played
college football. “It’s like they’re his shiny new family, and Makenna and I
are only an afterthought,” she continued, her voice cracking. Shayla was
understandably hurt by her father’s behavior the last couple years, but her
little sister had taken it much harder. She was still in high school and had
once been the apple of her father’s eye. According to Shayla, he’d treated
her like a second-class citizen since remarrying.
“Does Makenna still go over there?” I asked, and she nodded, her
expression defeated.
“I worry about her,” Shayla admitted. “She’s been really down since
Phoebe and Brody moved in. Dad used to dote on her, but now he can’t
even be bothered to make it to her chess tournaments or robotics
competitions. He sure as hell doesn’t miss any of Brody’s football games,
though.” Her eyes blazed, and her nostrils flared. “Even worse, he makes
Makenna go to the home games when she’s with him, and she hates it.”
“She doesn’t have to go with him, though, does she? She’s old enough
to choose where she stays, right?”
Shayla stood and huffed an exasperated sigh. “She is, but Dad
threatened not to help her pay for college if she doesn’t stay with them
every other weekend.”
Indignation swelled in my chest. “That’s bullshit!”
“That’s what I told her, but she’s worried she won’t get a scholarship
and won’t be able to afford tuition next year. I told her not to worry about it,
that we’d figure it out, but she’s scared. She’s seen me struggle to pay for
school and have to take out loans. But she’s practically a genius and a
straight A student. There’s no way she’s not getting a full ride somewhere.”
She worked a frustrated hand through her hair and sank back onto my bed.
She had just about worried herself sick over her little sister, and this was
supposed to be a night to destress, so I decided to change the subject. I
asked her about her new job as I added the finishing touches to my hair and
listened as she gushed about all the hot athletes she got to work with now.
“Come on,” I said, standing from my vanity once my long tresses were
combed into soft waves. “Let’s go have some fun.”
We met up with Brynlee and Haley at our favorite restaurant. Melody,
the newest member of our friends’ group, was notably absent. She had an
infant at home to take care of, so she’d missed our last few outings. Once
we ordered our drinks and some appetizers to share, Brynlee brought her up
on a video call.
Melody’s tired face filled the screen, and we all greeted her excitedly.
She smiled, holding the chubby fist of her four-month-old up for a wave.
He cooed as his sparkling blue eyes took us in. A chorus of “awws” echoed
from our table, and my chest tightened. I’d missed this stage and many
more with Charlie, and I would never get those moments back.
I took comfort in knowing she’d had an amazing life with two
wonderful parents for those first few years. Sarah and Vance had provided
her with the life I couldn’t, and I was forever grateful for that. But I
couldn’t help wondering … what if?
Brynlee ended the call with promises to visit soon. I needed to stop by
and see my friend too. It had been too long since I’d visited, and even
though I tried to convince myself it was because I stayed busy with my new
job, I couldn't lie to myself any longer. It was hard to see Melody with her
newborn, bonding and making memories. I never got the chance to do that
with Charlie. I gave her up before I could get too attached to her and change
my mind. I guessed the joke was on me because now I was more attached to
her than ever. And I couldn’t imagine ever giving her up again.
I sipped on my wine in an attempt to dull the ache that settled into my
chest. The urge to drown my sorrows in the bottle was almost too strong to
resist. Almost.
I was always careful when it came to drinking in public. I rarely had
more than a glass or two of wine at dinner, and I never let my drink out of
my sight. It had taken a couple years to reach the point where I could even
do that, but slowly, as I began to heal, I was able to enjoy the things I used
to do with my friends like dinner at our favorite restaurant and nights out on
the town. My only rule was to never get carried away. I had a limit, and I
stuck to it. I frequently volunteered to be the DD, and I kept a close eye on
my friends when their partners weren’t around. I would never let what
happened to me happen to them.
I shook away those thoughts and shifted my focus to my friends as they
chatted away. It felt like it had been so long since I’d had quality adult
interaction. Aside from my mom and Vance, I didn’t get much of that these
days since I was usually with Charlie. Before I could let my mind wander to
my boss, I shut down that line of thinking. I wouldn’t let it ruin my night. I
was determined to have fun with my friends and not think about the
crushing disappointment of Vance’s rejection or the guilt that came with
wanting my cousin’s widower.
“You ladies ready to hit the club?” Shayla asked once the table was
clear and the bill was paid.
“Hell yeah!” Brynlee replied, pumping her arms in excitement. With
two kids at home, she was always ready for a night out with the girls. It was
her self-care, and she needed it.
“Let’s go,” Haley instructed, slipping from her chair.
Willow Brook Falls didn’t have much of a nightlife, so we drove thirty
minutes to the closest city with something more than a dive bar and pool
hall. That was all our little town had to offer.
It didn’t escape my notice that we weren’t too far from Vance’s house. I
wondered if this was the club where he’d met the woman who gave him her
number.
Stop it.
I told myself I wouldn’t think about him tonight. There was no point.
He was my boss, and he'd made it clear that nothing could happen between
us. Even though I knew he was right, that didn’t keep me from yearning.
“Let’s get a drink!” Shayla announced, dragging me to the bar.
My friends placed their orders and when the bartender got to me, I
called out, “I’ll have a Coke.” He nodded and turned to prepare our drinks.
“Are you the DD tonight too?” came a deep voice to my left. I turned to
find an attractive man in his early thirties leaning against the bar. He wore a
crooked grin and close-cropped hair, his face free of stubble showing off the
type of jawline women lost their minds over.
“Yeah, but I prefer it that way.” I shrugged.
“As do I.” He nodded his agreement. “I have to admit, it’s a lot more
entertaining being the sober one around my friends.” I chuckled,
understanding exactly what he meant. I’d had plenty of opportunities to
observe my friends in varying states of inebriation. The bartender returned
and placed my drink in front of me, sliding a straw across the bar.
“I’ll have the same plus a round of Cuervo for the crew,” the handsome
stranger ordered, holding up four fingers I assumed represented his friends.
“I’m Duke,” he offered after the bartender left to fill his order.
“Delilah.”
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“Thank you.” My cheeks warmed at his complement. I’d spent so long
shying away from male attention, but I was venturing outside of my
comfort zone. I wanted to one day find a partner, someone I could build a
life with. Someone I could love and trust with my heart. That wouldn’t
happen if I was always hiding away or pining after a man I couldn’t have.
“Are you named after someone?” I visibly cringed, wishing the origin
of my namesake was something more meaningful.
“I was named after a soap opera character from the eighties,” I
confessed.
“Oof.”
“I know,” I concurred regretfully. “I wish there was a more interesting
story behind it. What about you?” I asked, turning the tables on him. “Are
you named after someone?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “My dad was a Blue Devil,” he
admitted.
“Ah, I see,” I acknowledged.
“They were the fondest years of his life,” he proclaimed, doing what I
could only guess was an impression of his father, and we shared a laugh. It
felt good.
Just then, a tall guy with a thick beard bumped into Duke and leaned
over him to snatch half the shots from the bar. “Bruh, what’s taking so
long?” His gaze flicked to mine, and he smirked. “Ahhh,” he drew out.
“Chasing tail, I see.” Duke stiffened and narrowed his eyes at his friend.
“Get your ass back to the table. We’re thirsty.” He clutched a shot in each
hand and turned on his heel, raising the glasses above the crowd as he
expertly wove through the dance floor.
“Sorry about that. John can be a bit … uncouth.” He stood and placed
the remaining shots in one hand and grabbed his drink with the other. “It
was nice meeting you, Delilah. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah, you too,” I said as he backed away, then disappeared into the sea
of dancing bodies. He reemerged at the elevated table where his friends
cheered his arrival. I watched as he passed out the shots. Turning back
toward the bar, he searched the crowd for only a few seconds before his
gaze landed on me, and a slow smile curved his lips.
“Who’s that?” Brynlee asked, looping her arm through mine. I turned to
find her looking in Duke’s direction.
I shrugged. “Just some guy I met while waiting on drinks.”
“He’s not looking at you like he’s just some guy you met,” she said,
mocking my words. I glanced at Duke who was watching me as he brought
his cup to his lips and took a long sip. “You should go over there,” she
urged, nudging my ribs.
“I-I don’t think so,” I replied, my voice wavering. “He’s out with his
friends, having a good time. Just like I am.”
She glanced his way again, but I couldn’t make myself look. “He’s not
paying much attention to his friends at the moment,” she noted, quirking a
brow. My cheeks warmed, and Brynlee smirked as she took in my flushed
skin.
“Let’s go,” I said, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the opposite side
of the room where Shayla and Haley had secured us a table. We sipped our
drinks while Shayla caught the others up on the latest drama with her dad
and stepmom.
After another round, the girls wanted to dance, so they slid from the
booth, and I stayed behind so we wouldn’t lose our seats. I pulled out my
phone to text my mom and let her know I’d be getting in late. If I didn’t,
she’d wait up for me to come home. I didn’t want her doing that since she
had to work in the morning.
“Is this seat taken?” a deep voice drawled, and I glanced up to find
Duke standing next to my table. Surprise stole my voice for a moment, and
I stared at him dumbly for several long seconds.
“Um, yeah,” I began, then shook my head. “I mean, no. Go ahead.” I
motioned to the empty seat across from me, granting him permission to sit.
I hadn’t expected him to seek me out in a room full of hot young coeds
bumping and grinding on the dance floor. I wanted to ask him why he was
sitting here with me instead of out there, but I kept my mouth shut.
“Not much of a dancer?” he asked, and I shook my head. I had been, at
one time, but I didn’t like the exposure that came from dancing in a club.
Men tended to get handsy, and I went into fight or flight when that
happened. And I might have kneed a guy or two in the balls before. So now,
I rarely danced unless the guys were with us. Their presence thankfully
deterred most men. “Me neither,” Duke affirmed. “I’m more a man of
conversation and genuine connection.” His admission was as refreshing as
it was surprising. And people rarely surprised me these days.
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33
V ance
S omeone was whistling in my kitchen . I halted at the top of the
steps, frozen in place at the sound. No one had whistled in this house
since…
I shook those thoughts away and rushed downstairs, my pulse
hammering in my ears. It had to be Delilah. She was the only person who
would be in my home at this time on a Monday morning. It was the only
logical explanation, but logic had flown out the window when I first heard
the high-pitched sound.
Sarah used to whistle sometimes while she cooked or cleaned. She’d
pop her ear buds in and carry on with whatever played in her ears.
I stopped just outside of the kitchen, pausing to listen. It was an upbeat
tune, something I’d heard on the radio recently, but I couldn’t place it.
Pushing through the door, I was met by the sight of Delilah shaking her ass
in a pair of cut-off shorts, and I nearly groaned. Her back was to me, but I
could tell she was holding something, one arm moving in swift circles. She
turned slowly, a mixing bowl nestled in the crook of her arm as she whisked
the contents inside.
I cleared my throat. “Delilah.” She jumped, and her grip on the bowl
loosened. She fumbled it for a moment but managed to keep from dropping
it. I didn’t mean to startle her, but I also didn’t want her to catch me
watching. I was having a hard enough time resisting her as it was.
“Vance,” she said breathlessly, and the sound went straight to my cock. I
hated how much I loved hearing my name on her lips. “I didn’t see you
there.”
“I just came in.” That was stretching the truth. I’d been here less than a
minute, but I’d spent every second watching her shake her ass like a horny
schoolboy. I’d come down here to grab a cup of coffee, not expecting her to
be here this early.
“I’m making muffins,” she said, scooping out the batter and placing it
into the paper-lined wells. “And a quiche,” she added, nodding to the pie
dish atop the stove.
“What kind of muffins?” I asked, my interest piqued. It hadn’t taken me
long to figure out that Delilah was an amazing cook. She confided in me
once that she taught herself how to cook as a teenager. Her mom worked
long hours, and she wanted to do something to help—plus she was tired of
eating frozen TV dinners—so she watched countless YouTube videos and
followed cooking accounts on social media to learn how.
These days, it seemed as though she’d made it her personal mission to
make sure I ate. She succeeded. I’d put on ten pounds since she'd started
working for me, despite working out more than I had been before she came
along. I knew my increased energy and stamina was because of my
improved nutrition. Pizza and protein shakes weren’t exactly a balanced
diet.
“Triple berry,” she answered, sliding the muffin pan onto the oven rack
followed by the quiche. She shut the door and set the timer before grabbing
her mug of coffee. She leaned her hip against the counter and took a sip.
She seemed at ease as she drank, as though we hadn’t kissed like our
lives depended on it, or that I’d told her nothing could happen between us
after that. It was a little unsettling how calm she was. I expected her
avoidance, not for her to show up early and bake muffins. I expected her to
duck her head shyly and tuck her hair behind her ear like she so frequently
did. Instead, she merrily went about her day, straightening up the kitchen,
whistling as she did so.
I needed caffeine. My head was spinning from the sudden change in her
demeanor. She went from dejected and sullen to chipper and carefree. What
had happened in the past two days to change her entire mood?
I swallowed hard as a knot formed in my stomach. Had she met
someone? Was that why she seemed so unfazed by the events of last week?
Had I spent the entire weekend agonizing over rejecting her and ignoring
my desires while she was spending time with another man? That prospect
caused an ache to settle in my chest, an ache I didn’t have a right to feel. I
pushed her away. I made the decision not to let anything else happen
between us. Whatever the consequences of that action were, I would have
to deal with them.
Still, I couldn’t stop myself from opening my mouth and asking, “What
did you do this weekend?” I tried to act casual as I lifted my cup to my lips
and took a slow sip. Her mouth curved in a slow smile as she mirrored the
motion.
“Went out with my friends,” she replied. I wanted to beg her to
elaborate, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want her to know how interested I was in
what she’d done, nor did I think I could handle the details if she confirmed
my suspicions. “What did you and Charlie get into?”
“We picked out decorations for her birthday party.” Delilah’s face fell,
her shoulders tensing, and I realized my mistake. She probably would’ve
liked the chance to do that with Charlie.
“That’s nice. What did she pick?” She forced a smile but couldn’t hide
the pain in her eyes.
“Mermaids.”
Delilah’s face lit up, and she straightened. “I love that.”
Seeing her excitement over the party theme gave me an idea. “I’m not
sure I got everything we need, though. Do you care to take a look? And if
there’s anything missing, could you pick it out for me?”
“Of course.”
It wasn’t that we needed any more decorations. We had the basics, but I
wanted Delilah to feel included. Besides, this would be Charlie’s first
birthday without her mother, and I wanted to go all out.
I gathered the supplies I'd purchased and spread them out over the
kitchen table. “What do you think?”
She captured the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes
skimmed over the decor. “It looks like you have everything you need,” she
said, holding out the last word.
“But…?”
“We can do better,” she replied with a sly grin.
“Get whatever you think she’d like.” She looked up at me, appreciation
shining in her eyes. My breath caught as her eyes locked with mine, and I
realized too late how close we were standing. I wanted to lean in, to brush
the hair from her face and press my lips to hers. She looked at me like she
wanted the same thing. I was so tempted. I wanted to forget everything—
that she was the nanny, that getting involved with her would complicate
things, and that she was Charlie’s biological mother—and throw caution to
the wind.
I was half a second away from acting on those desires when the timer
on the oven went off, and Delilah jumped, putting a little distance between
us. It jolted me out of my haze, and I took a step back, scrubbing my hand
over my face. I’d almost kissed her, something I swore I wouldn’t do. Why
was she so damn hard to resist?
I could no longer blame it on her resemblance to Sarah. I was used to it
by now, and since I’d seen her up close dozens of times, their differences
had become increasingly noticeable. Delilah’s lips were fuller whereas
Sarah’s had been more bow shaped. Sarah had a cute little upturned nose,
but Delilah’s was slender and straight. The eyes were what made my brain
short circuit. Their shape was exactly the same, but the color couldn’t be
more different. Rich, dark brown versus piercing, cool blue.
Delilah was nothing like Sarah. She was her own person with her own
personality, hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes. And now that I couldn’t
blame my attraction on her similarity to my late wife, I had to face a hard
truth: I liked Delilah. I enjoyed her company and conversation. I looked
forward to seeing her. Coming home from work every day no longer hurt
like it used to. I took comfort in knowing she would be there when I walked
through the door, and I found myself looking forward to seeing her.
Fuck. What was I going to do? I was falling for my wife’s cousin, and
there was nothing I could do about it.
I was shaken by the revelation of my growing feelings for D elilah .
There was no way I could act on them. Even though I felt like I could
finally breathe again, that I wasn’t being crushed by the grief over losing
my wife, I was still in mourning. It hadn’t even been eight months. Surely
that wasn’t long enough. Anything less than a year seemed grossly
inadequate. But yet…
No. I would stick to my guns. It was too soon. What would I tell
Charlie? What would we tell our families? They would think I was rushing
into a new relationship, and her parents would hate me for moving on so
soon. I would have to stick to my original plan of keeping my distance. No
more close encounters. No more accidental grazes or standing closer than
necessary. No more temptation.
That was easier said than done. Delilah watched Charlie four days a
week now, so she was always around. I did my best to remain cordial but
made sure I didn’t give her the wrong impression. By Wednesday, she
seemed to sense the shift. She was starting to avoid me too. I got a brief
report on how Charlie’s day went, but there was no playful banter, no
lingering smiles, or after dinner conversation. She simply grabbed her
purse, kissed Charlie goodbye, and left.
I hated making her feel this way, but it was for the best. No one would
get hurt.
By Friday, I’d convinced myself that I'd made the right decision. Delilah
seemed unfazed that morning when she came in and set to work making
breakfast. The tension had eased as a sense of acceptance settled around us.
There was a calm that hadn’t been there before, and I breathed a sigh of
relief.
When I arrived home from work, the delicious aroma of tomatoes,
roasted garlic, and fresh basil wafted through the air. I entered the kitchen to
find Delilah and Charlie sitting at the kitchen table, a bottle of fingernail
polish clasped between Delilah’s fingers.
“Wook, Daddy!” Charlie chirped. “I getting a manicure.” She swung her
legs back and forth in excitement but made sure not to move her hands. Her
palms were pressed to the table, her fingers splayed so they didn’t touch.
“I hope that’s okay,” Delilah said, not sparing me a glance. She
concentrated instead on polishing the tiny pinky nail on Charlie’s right
hand.
“Of course.”
“All done,” Delilah announced. “You just need to let them dry.”
“Okay.” Charlie continued to swing her legs, needing a way to release
the pent-up energy.
Delilah stood and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She went to the
oven and opened it to check the contents. Satisfied with what she found, she
closed the door and plucked her purse from the counter.
“That needs to come out in about ten minutes.” She slung the strap over
her shoulder and headed for the door.
“You’re not staying for dinner?” She almost always ate dinner with us
these days. It was unusual for her to rush out the door.
“I can’t,” she said, refusing to meet my eye.
I hoped she wasn’t rushing off because I’d made her feel unwelcome. I
had been a little gruff and distant toward her this week.
Before I could think better of it, I asked, “Why not?”
Her gaze lifted to mine, and she straightened. “I have a date.” It was
then that I noticed she was wearing makeup. Her blue eyes were
accentuated by dark shadows and thick black lashes. Her lips were stained a
dark berry color, and her hair fell down her back in waves. A simple but
elegant back dress hugged her delicious curves like a second skin. She
looked stunning, leaving me momentarily speechless. A knot formed in my
stomach, and jealousy rose in my chest. I wanted to be the one she got fixed
up for. I wanted to be the one who took her out on the town. But I couldn’t.
And now someone else got the honor of showing her a good time.
I swallowed back my pride and forced a smile. I should have wished her
luck or told her to have a good time, but I couldn’t make myself say that. I
didn’t mean it. So instead, I opted for, “Be careful.”
She nodded and slipped through the door, never once looking back.
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34
D elilah
R esigned satisfaction settled in my chest . S eeing V ance ’ s jaw flex
and his eyes darken at the mention of my date—and seeing me all fixed up
for it—sent a victorious feeling coursing through my veins. Maybe I was
being petty, but he’d been gruff and dismissive all week, as though he was
merely tolerating my presence. It hurt. Over the last couple months, we’d
gotten to know each other better and had connected on a deeper level. And
not just because he had his tongue down my throat and his hand in my
panties last week.
Aside from that, we talked more. Not long, deep conversations, but bits
and pieces before he left in the morning and at the dinner table that
culminated in a comfortable familiarity. I got to know him in increments,
piece by piece as he revealed a little slice of his personality to me every day.
Now that I was falling for him, he’d taken that away. Like ripping the rug
out from under me, he left me stunned and a little confused with a slow
ache spreading through my body. Therefore, if me going on a date with
another man caused him a little discomfort, all the better.
Attempting to push all thoughts of Vance aside, I focused on my
upcoming date. Duke wasted no time asking me out. I’d given him my
number before leaving the club Saturday night, and he texted me the next
day. After a couple days of messaging back and forth, he asked me to
dinner. There was nothing holding me back—certainly not hope that Vance
would finally come around and accept what was growing between us—so I
said yes. He seemed like a nice guy and was interested in spending more
time with me, so I decided to give him a chance.
I should’ve known better. When something seemed too good to be true,
it usually was.
Everything started out fine. He showed up on time to pick me up and
told me how amazing I looked. He opened my door and ensured my
comfort during the drive into the city. We made small talk on the way there,
keeping the conversation light as we talked mostly about school and work.
Things took a turn once we got to the restaurant, and I realized halfway
through dinner that Duke wasn’t the gentleman I thought he was.
“And that wasn’t the only interesting place we visited in Amsterdam.”
Duke gave me a knowing look, and I inwardly cringed. He’d been droning
on and on about his travels through Europe and in nearly every story he
told, he hinted at sex. The dude was obsessed. I mean, hell this was our first
date, and he was already dropping hints about me going back to his place.
No thank you. I fought the urge to cover the neckline of my dress every
time his eyes dropped to my cleavage. This guy was only interested in one
thing, and I wanted to kick myself for not realizing it sooner. He’d certainly
played his role expertly, and I’d fallen right into his hands. A shiver ran
down my spine as he began talking about dungeons and clubs, and I knew I
needed to find a way out of this date.
I placed my napkin on the table and excused myself. Slipping out of my
seat, I headed straight for the ladies’ room. I had to get out of here, but my
mom was at work, and all my friends lived a good forty minutes away.
Dinner would be over by then, and I could only stall for so long. There was
no way I was leaving with this man. I didn’t want to be alone with him in
his car again. That only left me one choice. Pushing aside my reluctance, I
tapped on the one name in my phone that I knew could get to me in time
and pressed it to my ear. It rang three times before the call connected.
“Delilah?” I breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of his gruff greeting.
“Vance.” My voice trembled even as my shoulders sagged.
“What’s wrong?” Sensing something was off, he was instantly on high
alert.
“I need to ask you for a favor.”
“What is it?”
“I, um, I’m on that date,” I began, and a low curse sounded over the
line, “and this guy is making me uncomfortable. We’re not that far from
your house and—”
“Send me the address,” he commanded, cutting me off. I heard shuffling
in the background and knew he was already on the move.
“Thank you,” I said and sagged against the stall door.
“I’ll be right there. Don’t leave with him.”
“I won’t,” I promised before hanging up. I texted him the address and
took another minute to gather myself before heading back out there.
Settling into my seat, I forced a smile. A moment later, the waiter stopped
by to check on us and offered more wine. I politely declined and asked for a
glass of sweet tea. I’d left my drink unattended around this guy. There was
no way I’d drink out of it now.
Shaking away those thoughts, I cut into my chicken and brought a bite
to my mouth. I chewed slowly, forcing it down even though I’d lost my
appetite. Every few minutes, I glanced at my phone to check the time.
Vance would be here any minute.
“What do you say we get out of here?” Duke asked. Panic crawled up
the back of my throat, stealing my voice. I wasn’t going anywhere with this
guy. Bringing my glass of tea to my lips, I took a sip as I searched for an
excuse not to leave.
“I thought maybe we could try dessert.” He eyed me inquisitively then
glanced at my plate. I hadn’t eaten half of my food.
“What can I say? I have a sweet tooth,” I proclaimed with an awkward
laugh.
“Okay,” he agreed with a shrug and flagged down the waiter. My leg
began to shake nervously as he put in our order. I took the opportunity to
glance over my shoulder toward the entrance while he was preoccupied.
Nothing. Vance wasn’t here yet. It had been nearly twenty minutes since I’d
called him. Where was he?
“You could come back to my place, and we could have a drink.” My
date had been talking, but I didn’t pay attention until that last part. He
looked at me with a mix of hope and smug confidence. Did that actually
work on other women?
“Delilah,” a deep voice boomed from behind me, and I nearly wept.
Turning, I found Vance standing just behind me with a sleepy Charlie
cradled in one arm, her head resting on his shoulder. “We’re leaving,” he
said, his jaw set in a hard line, and he gripped my upper arm. I turned
briefly to find my date staring up at him flabbergasted. His gaze shifted
from Vance and Charlie to me and back several times, and I realized what it
looked like. He thought Vance was my husband and Charlie was my
daughter, and I’d just been caught out on a date with another man. He was
partially right. Kind of.
I stood, trying to muster a convincingly guilty expression and let Vance
lead me away. I thought he would release me once I started to follow him,
but he didn’t let go. Instead, he slid his hand down my arm and laced his
fingers through mine. The connection shot a bolt of excitement through my
entire body. He was holding my hand.
“You come wif us, Lilah?” Charlie asked. Her little brow knitted with
confusion as she rubbed her eyes. It was her bedtime, so she had to be
sleepy.
“Yes, I’m coming with you.”
Vance stopped and pulled his keys from his pocket, clicking the fob to
unlock the doors. “Get in,” he instructed, refusing to look at me. Shit, he
was pissed. I shouldn’t have called him. I should’ve called Shayla or
Brynlee. It would’ve taken them longer, but they would’ve understood.
The drive back to Vance’s was mostly silent, but the tension was thick.
It rolled off him in waves.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice low and dejected. “My mom had to work
tonight, and none of my friends could get here as quickly as you. I just
wanted to get out of there and away from him.”
“It’s fine,” he said, but his tone told a different story.
Charlie had fallen back to sleep by the time he pulled in the driveway. I
opened the front door so he could carry her inside and followed him up the
stairs. I took the opportunity to use the restroom since I hadn’t actually gone
at the restaurant. When I stepped out, Vance was waiting for me, a scowl
settled over his face and arms crossed over his broad chest.
“Thanks for coming to my rescue,” I said in an attempt to lighten the
mood. It didn’t work.
“Who was that guy?” he asked—no, demanded—his nostril flaring.
“Just someone I met at the club last weekend.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked incredulously as he unfolded his arms
and pushed off the wall. “What the hell were you thinking going out with
some random guy you met at a club?”
What the hell? Did he just scold me?
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he seemed like a perfectly nice
guy when I met him.” He didn’t like that answer. “And I don’t appreciate
being talked to like a child.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t act like one.”
Fury burned through me like a raging inferno. “I don’t have to listen to
this.” I turned away from him and reached for the door handle, but never
made contact.
“I’m not done with you,” he growled and spun me around. “You
could’ve been hurt. Or worse.” His eyes were wide with worry, and his
chest heaved with every ragged breath he took. He was scared. “I don’t
know what I would do if something happened to you.” His lids lowered,
and his eyes softened as they dropped to my mouth. It fell open slightly in
surprise at his confession.
The air crackled between us as the tension coiled and snapped. We were
a live wire, ready to explode with the tiniest spark. “Vance,” I breathed, and
that was his undoing.
He pressed me against the door, his hard body pushing into me as he
sealed his lips over mine. His kiss was punishing and urgent, a need that
wouldn’t be denied. I opened for him, letting his tongue dip inside. One
hand wove into my hair, angling my head perfectly for his invasion.
He reached behind me to open the bedroom door, and we tumbled
inside. Kicking it closed, he lifted me into the air, and my legs went around
his waist. I moaned when his rock-hard erection slid against my core. This
spurred him on, and he gripped my ass harder, grinding his cock into me. I
squirmed in his arms, and he groaned into my mouth.
Vance carried me across the room and lowered me onto the bed. Tearing
his lips from mine, he leaned up and pulled his shirt over his head. I snaked
my hands around his neck as his mouth found mine again, but it didn’t stay
there. My back arched off the bed as his lips moved down my neck and to
the swells of my breasts. His tongue skated over the lace edge of my bra,
and I sucked in a sharp breath.
I needed more. My body was on fire for him. It had been so long since
I’d felt desire this strong, since I’d been able to let my guard down enough
to indulge in the pleasure of a man’s touch. But Vance made me feel safe,
and in that cocoon of safety, I was able to let go.
My hands skimmed over Vance’s shoulders before snaking into his hair.
I held him to me as he pulled the sleeve of my dress down my arm and
sucked my nipple through the lace covering my breast. I cried out, my hips
bucking wildly. He tugged the other side down, exposing both breasts. The
thin material of my bra did little to conceal the turgid pink tips.
He slowly worked his way down my body, peppering kisses along my
abdomen until he reached the hem of my dress where it pooled around my
hips. He sat back on his haunches and took me in, his eyes settling on the
matching panties that did little to hide what lay beneath.
My pulse thrummed in my ears as he lifted his hooded gaze to mine, his
blue eyes burning with desire. For only a moment, he wavered, conflicting
emotions dancing over his face. Before he could back out, before he could
stop this, I leaned up and tore my dress over my head. I unclasped my bra
and tossed it aside. He needed to know I wanted this, that there wasn’t any
doubt on my side. His eyes fell closed briefly, and he swallowed hard.
When they opened again, they were dark and full of need.
Hooking his fingers inside the waistband, he dragged the lace down my
legs. Once I was bare to him, he slowly worked his way up, feathering
kisses up the inside of my thigh. His lips trailed up my hip and across my
abdomen as he skirted the spot where I needed his mouth the most. I
shimmied beneath him, searching for the much-needed contact. His lips
curled against my skin, and I fisted my hands in the blanket to keep from
screaming in frustration. Finally, he kissed his way down the center, and the
moment his tongue met my clit, I nearly shot off the bed. He gripped my
thighs to pin me in place, his fingers digging into my skin. Heat built in my
lower belly as he swirled and flicked his tongue over the sensitive bundle of
nerves.
He brushed a finger over my entrance, testing how ready I was, and
found me dripping wet. He easily slid inside, a second finger joining the
first soon after. They stroked my inner walls, coaxing my climax forward as
his tongue continued its tortuous motion. I came hard, spearing my fingers
in his hair as I gasped his name.
I released him, my arms falling limp to my sides. That had been…
Wow. I couldn’t remember a time when a man made me feel like that. I’d
been too tense to enjoy intimacy after Charlie was born, and before… Well,
no one else had been that invested in my pleasure.
Vance worked his way back up my body. He brought his lips down on
mine and settled his hips between my legs, flexing them forward. My breath
left me in a woosh as his erection brushed against my sensitive flesh. He
kissed me hard as my mouth opened, granting him access.
Suddenly he pulled back and pressed his forehead against mine as he let
out a frustrated groan. “I don’t have any condoms.”
I wasn’t surprised. He was married— correction, he’d been married—
and hadn’t needed to worry about them for a long time. I swallowed hard at
that thought. I was in my cousin’s house with her husband’s lips on mine.
Even though she was gone, a pang of guilt still speared through my chest
and settled in my gut. Betrayal mingled with the guilt, and I nearly pushed
him off me. She hadn’t even been gone a year. Was it too soon to engage in
any type of a relationship with him? So many questions and worries swirled
around in my head, but they faded away when he cupped my face and
gently brought his lips down on mine. The kiss was slow, almost loving like
things were winding down. But I wasn’t ready for this to be over.
I finally remembered that I’d armed myself with supplies when I
decided to start dating again and nearly wept with joy.
“I have some,” I replied sheepishly. “In my clutch.” I didn’t know
where it was. I’d dropped it somewhere between the hallway and the bed.
Vance scrambled off the bed, and I chuckled. He’d been given the green
light and wasn’t wasting any time.
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V ance
T he bedside lamp provided just enough light for me to locate
Delilah’s clutch a few feet from the door. I bent to retrieve it, and when I
stood to face her, my breath hitched. Delilah lay sprawled on the bed,
propped up on her elbows as she watched me with eager anticipation. Her
supple breasts were on full display as her long, tan legs rubbed together.
Her eyes flared as I took a step toward her, flicking open the button on my
jeans as I went. Gaze dipping lower, she sucked her bottom lip into her
mouth as I dragged the zipper down.
When I reached the foot of the bed, I handed her the clutch and pushed
my pants down my legs as she dug out a foil packet. She lifted her gaze,
and her eyes widened at the sight of my arousal. She swallowed hard as her
eyes raked over me, and a satisfied grin spread over my features.
Plucking the condom from her fingers, I tore open the packet and rolled
it on. She relaxed onto the pillow, and I crawled over her, settling my hips
between hers. I skimmed my nose up her neck and nuzzled into her,
inhaling her intoxicating scent.
“Mmm,” she moaned, and I pulled back to look at her. She was
absolutely stunning. Soft, dark tendrils of hair fanned across the pillow. Her
crystal blue eyes were soft and hooded as they dropped to my mouth. She
licked her plump, pink lips, tempting me to take them in a searing kiss. I
covered her mouth with mine as I brushed the head of my cock against her
entrance. Pulse thrumming in my ears, I rocked against her. She was warm
and slick and just as ready as I was.
Her legs came around my back, and I sank into her slowly, inch by inch,
my eyes never leaving hers. She gasped, and I retreated, pushing in deeper
with my next thrust. Soon her gasps turned into moans, and I buried my
face in her neck as I grasped for control. I wanted to draw this out, to make
it last, but fuck she felt too good. And it had been so long. If I wasn’t
careful, this would be over in a matter of minutes.
I braced myself and focused on her pleasure as I found my rhythm. A
low sound rumbled up her throat when my tongue darted out to taste her
skin. I peppered kisses along her neck and jaw before finding her mouth
again. Snaking one hand into her hair, I kissed her hard, pouring every
ounce of yearning I’d felt over the past few months into the kiss. It was
long overdue. I was tired of fighting it. I didn't have the strength to resist
her any longer.
I pulled back and stared into her eyes. She was exquisite with her kiss
swollen lips, flushed skin, and sex mussed hair. She brought her hand up to
cup my face, and I turned into her touch, pressing a kiss to her palm.
Somehow, that gentle brush of my lips against her hand felt more intimate
than anything else we’d done.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” I said, the words spilling from my lips
before I could stop them.
“Vance,” she whispered, and the sound was nearly my undoing. Her
hand fell to my shoulder, and her eyes fluttered closed, her back arching off
the bed. She was close. Her body tightened around me, and I groaned.
My fingers danced over her skin as I gently trailed them down her neck
and to her breast, cupping it around the tightened peak. I lowered my mouth
and closed my lips over the tender bud and flicked my tongue over it. She
sucked in a breath when I grazed my teeth over her nipple and lightly bit
down.
I dropped my hand to where our bodies were joined and found her clit,
circling it with my thumb. She cried out as her orgasm crested, and her legs
clamped down harder on my hips. Her inner muscles squeezed me like a
vice, sending me over the edge.
My arms gave out, and I collapsed next to her, panting. Delilah’s lips
curled in a blissful smile. I rolled over and sat up to hide my triumphant
smirk as I removed the condom and discarded it in the wastebasket.
Lowering myself onto the bed, I settled on my side and looped an arm
around her waist. She looked up at me with eyes full of trepidation. Holding
her gaze, I pulled her against my chest and dropped a soft kiss to her lips.
She seemed to relax and nuzzled into me. I caressed her bare back with my
fingers, tracing lazy circles over her silky-smooth skin.
Lying next to Delilah felt like heaven. She was warm and soft and let
out a contented sigh every now and then as I continued to stroke her back. I
missed this. Having someone to hold, someone to share these intimate
moments with. I didn't realize just how lonely I was until this moment. I
wanted to envelope her completely and never let go. She was my solace, the
comfort I craved but never let myself have.
Until now.
Something deep and primal roared to life inside me when I answered
my phone earlier this evening and was met with her scared and shaky voice.
It flared like a lit match tossed into a barrel of gasoline when I saw her in
that restaurant sitting across from the man who’d made her feel that way. A
torrent of emotions washed over me then. Jealousy. Rage. Regret. I’d
refused to acknowledge my feelings for her and had sat back and watched
as she prepared to go out with another man. It was stupid. I should’ve
stopped her. I should’ve confessed that the thought of her with someone
else made me green with envy. I wanted her for myself. I’d just been too
damn stubborn to let myself have her.
Tonight was my wake-up call. I would no longer deny myself what my
heart desired or wait for the right time to pursue it. I wanted to live in the
here and now. And Delilah was right here next to me.
M y eyes fluttered open against a blindingly bright morning sun ,
and I lifted my hand to shield against the offending rays. Chirps and
whistles sounded from outside the window as I blinked in rapid succession
to clear the fog. The sun was already high in the sky, indicating I’d slept
later than usual. It was the first full night of sleep I’d gotten in months.
Dazed from slumber, I rubbed my eyes and glanced down my body,
realizing I was naked. The floral duvet from the guest bedroom pooled
around my waist. Flashes of the night before flooded my mind.
Delilah.
I turned to find the spot next to me empty, but her scent lingered. Where
had she gone? Her clothes and shoes were no longer littered across the
carpet, and her clutch was nowhere to be found. Had she left?
I leapt from the bed and hastily pulled on my jeans, zipping them as I
shot into the hallway. Charlie was still asleep, but she wouldn’t be for long.
It had to be after eight judging by the sunlight pouring in through the
windows. I raced down the stairs, hoping I’d find her, hoping she hadn’t
called an Uber to take her home in the middle of the night. Shit, what if she
regretted what happened last night?
I burst through the kitchen door, and relief washed over me. Delilah
stood at the counter mixing batter in the dress she wore last night. Her face
was free of makeup and her hair was piled atop her head. She glanced up at
the sound of my intrusion and gave me a tentative smile. I gulped at her
reaction. I’d been so hot and cold with her lately; she probably didn’t know
what to expect.
I crossed to where she stood and wrapped my arms around her waist
from behind. She released a contented sigh and relaxed against me. Was she
holding her breath, waiting for me to push her away again? That wasn’t
going to happen. Now that I had her, I’d never be able to get enough.
My hands dropped to the front of her hips and fisted the soft material
covering them. I brought my mouth to the spot just below her ear and
pressed a kiss there.
“Good morning,” I said, my voice low and husky.
“Good morning,” she replied, and I could hear the smile in her soft
voice.
I extended my fingers and grasped the material below where my hand
rested at her hips, slowly gathering it in my hands as her hem rose higher
and higher. She moaned and pressed into me, her head falling back on my
shoulder. My fingertips met bare skin, and I realized she wasn’t wearing
any panties. I groaned into her neck as I pressed my growing erection into
her backside.
Flattening one palm against her hip bone, I slid it forward, reaching
lower until my fingers brushed her hot, slick center. I dipped one finger
inside and pumped it in and out, a second finger joining it soon after.
She arched into me, pressing her ass against my hardened length. I
pushed back, trapping my hand between her and the counter, causing the
heel to grind against her clit. Her hips undulated, increasing the friction. I
curled my fingers forward and nipped at her ear as she rode my hand.
I released the skirt of her dress and braced my free hand on the counter.
Her body tightened around me as a needy whimper fell from her lips. Fuck.
I wanted to spin her around, lift her onto the counter, and sink into her, but
there was no time. Charlie would be up soon, and I didn’t want to get
caught with my pants around my ankles. I would have to settle for making
her come before breakfast. Not exactly a hardship.
I worked my fingers inside her, finding that spot that made her legs
shake. Delilah shuddered, her body contracting around my fingers as she
cried out my name. I would never tire of hearing that sound. It was like
music to my ears.
I withdrew my fingers, and her dress fell back into place. Her chest
heaved with each ragged breath she took. I took a couple steps back and
grabbed a hand towel from beside the sink. Delilah’s gaze lifted to mine as I
dried my hands. A blush tinted her cheeks, but her eyes flared. She took a
step toward me, but before she could reach me, the door to the kitchen flew
open and her head snapped to the side.
Charlie’s tiny body bounded into the room, but she stopped dead in her
tracks when she saw who was here.
“Delilah,” she squealed and rushed to her, throwing her arms around
Delilah’s legs. “You’re here!”
Oh shit. I didn’t have an excuse for why Delilah was here on a Saturday
morning. I was too busy getting her off to think of a good one.
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D elilah
I stood frozen , my eyes wide and cheeks flushed , as C harlie clung
to my legs. I’d been so lost in the moment, lost in the pleasure from Vance’s
touch, that I forgot where I was. His hands were magic, and I’d been under
their spell.
Finally gathering my wits, I cleared my throat and bent to return her
embrace. “Hey, sweet pea. Do you want to help me make waffles?” Maybe
if I distracted her with breakfast, she wouldn’t ask too many questions. It
worked … for a little while. She didn’t exactly know the days of the week,
so it shouldn’t have been a surprise when she asked Vance why he wasn’t
going to work. He nearly choked on his waffle.
After clearing his throat, he replied, “It’s Saturday. I don’t have to
work.”
Her brow knitted with confusion, and she looked from him to me, then
back to him again. “Why is Delilah here?” Her question was innocent, but it
made me feel like I had a scarlet “A” stuck to my chest. I wasn’t sure if she
remembered coming to pick me up at the restaurant last night since she was
half asleep. I hoped not because that would mean she knew I’d spent the
night.
“Well, um…” Vance began, tripping over his words, eyes wide with
panic. This wasn’t good. I was at a loss. There was no viable reason for me
to be here.
Suddenly, Vance straightened and blurted out, “The fair!”
I gave him a questioning look, and he smiled apologetically, before
refocusing on Charlie. “Delilah is going to the fair with us today.”
Charlie gasped and clasped her hands in front of her. “She is?”
“Uh huh,” Vance replied, nodding. He looked at me with pleading in his
eyes as Charlie’s gaze bounced between us.
“That’s right,” I confirmed, and he relaxed back in his seat. “We’re
going to eat cotton candy, get our faces painted, and ride all the rides.” If
Vance was going to rope me into a surprise trip to the county fair, then we
would make the most of it.
Her mouth formed a disbelieving but excited “o,” and she squirmed in
her chair.
“Finish your breakfast and brush your teeth, then you can pick out an
outfit to wear,” Vance instructed, and she picked up her fork. Her tiny body
buzzed with excitement as she finished her breakfast. “I’ll be up in a minute
to help you,” Vance called through the open kitchen door as she raced up
the stairs.
When he turned back to me, I leveled a displeased glare at him. He held
up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. I panicked and didn’t know what else
to say.”
“I can’t go to the fair dressed like this,” I said, motioning down my
body. I was still wearing the dress from my date the night before. Not
exactly county fair attire. Plus, there was no way I could spend hours
walking around in heels. “I have nothing else to wear.”
“Actually, you do have something else to wear.” He didn’t elaborate.
Instead, he went to the laundry room and returned carrying a small stack of
folded clothes.
“You left these here last night,” he said, handing the garments to me.
They were the clothes I wore yesterday but were freshly laundered. I didn’t
even realize I'd left them here after changing for my date. I shot him a
questioning look, and he winced. “I may have been a little worked up after
you left, so I decided to clean to try to distract myself. I found those in the
upstairs bathroom while I was collecting the laundry.” That was where I’d
gotten ready yesterday. I must’ve forgotten to grab my clothes before
rushing out the door. My shoes were probably still here as well.
“I see.”
“So now that you have something to wear,” he said, stepping closer,
“will you go to the fair with us?” He slid his arm around my waist and
pulled me into him. His mouth was only inches from mine. With the way he
stared into my eyes, his sparkling blue gaze hopeful, I couldn’t say no if I
wanted to.
“Yes,” I breathed.
His lips curved into a delighted grin before he brought them down on
mine. “Good. Now get dressed,” he added playfully. A fluttering erupted in
my stomach as relief spread through my body. I wasn’t sure how he would
act toward me after everything that had happened, or if regret would keep
him from letting it happen again. But here he was touching and kissing me
like any lover would.
“Do you mind if I grab a quick shower first?” His eyes flickered down
my body as though he was imagining me naked, and I gulped. He saw every
intimate part of me last night, and judging by the heat in his eyes, he liked
what he saw.
“I don’t mind at all,” he replied, his voice husky. “I should get one too.”
Before I could do something completely stupid and reckless, I turned and
headed upstairs. Shutting myself in the bathroom, I hopped in the shower. I
frowned when I realized the only soap available was strawberry scented
kid’s body wash. I guessed it would have to do since my only other option
was to ask to use Vance’s. A disturbing thought entered my mind. Had he
kept Sarah’s body wash? If I went into his bathroom, would I find her
toiletries still scattered about?
I shook away those thoughts. I didn’t want to know if there were still
traces of her in his private spaces. She was his wife. This was their home. I
certainly didn’t expect him to remove any signs that she’d lived here.
But after making love to him last night, I didn’t want to go looking for
them either. A pang of guilt speared through my chest. I'd slept with my
cousin’s grieving husband. If anyone in our families found out, they would
hate me. It would have to stay our little secret. At least for now.
“W hat do you want to ride first ?” V ance asked , glancing down at
Charlie. She walked between us, holding our hands in each of hers.
“The horsey!” She pointed to the Merry-Go-Round and tugged us
toward the ride. Vance stood next to the chestnut horse Charlie chose, and I
took the one next to her. I swung my leg over the saddle and sat astride the
fake horse, gripping the pole jutting from its back. Vance’s eyes met mine,
and he shook his head as a playful grin tipped the corner of his lips.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he replied, amusement gleaming in his eyes. He hadn’t
expected me to hop on, but this was my first time taking Charlie to the fair,
and I wanted the full experience. I would ride every damn ride here if she
asked me to. And it seemed she was determined to do just that.
Charlie’s excited giggles echoed around me as we spun in the Tilt-AWhirl and rocked back and forth in the miniature pirate ship. She insisted
on going down the giant slide with me even though she was tall enough to
ride by herself. I happily obliged, taking every opportunity I could to be
close to my daughter. My chest tightened at that thought, and I swallowed
back my emotions. Most days I tried not to think about how there was an
expiration date on my time as her nanny. I wasn’t sure how or when I’d get
to spend time with her once I was no longer employed by her father. Surely,
he would let me stay in her life, especially if what happened last night
continued.
My stomach dipped violently as we crested the first big bump in the
slide, but it wasn’t from the ride. Last night was amazing. I’d finally been
able to let go and enjoy a man’s touch. I didn’t freeze up or panic when I
felt his weight on top of me or the pressure between my legs when he
finally slid into me. It had been euphoric. However, it seriously complicated
our arrangement. If things went sideways between us, would it jeopardize
my job? Surely, he wouldn’t fire me over it. Would he?
I shoved down those thoughts, burying my trepidation deep as Charlie
slid her hand into mine and led me to the next ride. It did me no good to
worry about what could happen; instead, I focused on what I knew: I was
damn good at my job, I loved Charlie with my entire heart, and Vance
needed me to take care of her. Besides, he was a good man. I needed to trust
that he wouldn’t do something so extreme as fire me if something went
wrong between us.
After a few more rides, we decided to grab some lunch. Despite my
reservations about coming, I was having a blast. Charlie was on cloud nine,
and Vance hadn’t stopped smiling. The man who, for the first few months I
worked for him, didn’t so much as crack a grin, had one permanently fixed
to his perfectly chiseled face. It fell as he caught sight of something over
my shoulder.
“Vance, you didn’t tell me you were bringing Charlie to the fair.” I froze
at the sound of Vivian’s voice behind me. Shit. I didn’t expect to run into
anyone I knew here. I hadn’t considered Vance’s mother might show up.
“Mamaw,” Charlie cooed and brushed past me.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” Vance asked, moving around me. To
any onlooker, it would’ve sounded casual, but I’d grown accustomed to
Vance’s cues and the cadence of his voice. He was nervous. I couldn't blame
him. It probably looked suspicious to be out and about with the nanny when
it was my day off. Or maybe that was my guilty conscious talking.
“My quilt won first place in the needlework competition. I came to
collect my prize. Did you see it in the exhibit?”
“Not yet. We haven’t made it that far. Charlie’s been enjoying the
rides,” Vance offered in explanation.
When I could no longer avoid it, I turned and faced the music—or
rather, Vivian. She was bent forward, oohing and aahing over the new bows
in Charlie’s hair, so she didn’t notice me right away. When she straightened,
she did a double take.
“Delilah,” she barked in surprise. “I didn’t realize you were here.” Her
gaze shifted from me to Vance and back to me again. She forced a smile.
“Delilah came wif us,” Charlie chimed in, skipping to my side and
grabbing my hand.
“Oh. Well, that’s nice,” Vivian said in a tone that indicated she felt
anything but.
“Do you want to stay and ride some rides with us?” Vance asked,
drawing her attention away. I was relieved to have her assessing gaze off
me. Her expression softened as she looked at her son. I wasn’t sure what her
issue was with me. At first, she’d been friendly, but the last couple times I’d
run into her, she hadn’t been quite so warm and welcoming. I feared she
suspected there was something going on between Vance and me.
“I’d love to, but I’ve got to find your father. It’s time for his medicine,
and I have his pills.” She held up her oversized bag to indicate her
husband’s medication was contained inside and hugged Vance and Charlie.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she promised as she patted Vance’s back.
“It was nice seeing you again, Vivian,” I said, trying to sound polite. I
didn’t want to do anything else to raise her suspicions.
“You too,” she said, giving me another tight smile before she left. My
gaze skirted to Vance’s at the same time he turned to face me. Worry flitted
across his features, and I read the question in his eyes: “Do you think she
knows?” I didn’t have an answer for him. I couldn’t say whether her
suspicion had been legitimate or simply a figment of my guilty conscience.
Charlie yanked on my arm, breaking the hold Vance’s piercing blue
stare had on me. “I want to get my face painted!” she pleaded, pointing to
the booth where a young woman applied black and orange tiger stripes to
the face of a little boy about Charlie’s age. I glanced up at Vance to see if it
was okay with him, and he nodded.
Charlie practically ran to the booth, dragging me along as she went. She
bounced on the balls of her feet as she waited her turn. When she finally
plopped down in the chair, she asked to be painted as a mermaid. When she
was finished, I snapped about a dozen pictures on my phone as she posed
exuberantly.
“Will you get your face painted too? Just like mine?” she asked, looking
up at me hopefully. I hesitated, unsure if I was willing to walk around with
children’s face paint on, but when she added a drawn out, “please,” I made
up my mind.
“Of course,” I assured her and took the seat she’d just vacated.
The artist gave me a reassuring smile. “I have a tamer version I can do
for adults if you’d like,” she offered, and I accepted.
Charlie squealed with delight when I was done and insisted on taking
several more pictures of us together. While Vance paid the artist, I set my
favorite shot as the background on my phone, my heart filling with joy at
the sight of us together, smiling deliriously as I held her close.
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V ance
D elilah was a beautiful woman , but she was breathtaking when her
eyes softened, and a contented smile curved over her mouth as she stared
down at the picture on her phone. She allowed the artist to paint her face
with bright colors and mermaid scales simply because Charlie had asked
her to. My chest squeezed in appreciation. She was willing to do whatever it
took to make Charlie happy.
It struck me then that it had always been that way. From the very
beginning, Delilah did what was necessary to ensure Charlie’s happiness
and well-being even when that meant giving her up. She’d been a broke
college student when she got pregnant and knew her mom couldn’t afford
another mouth to feed. It just so happened that Sarah and I had decided to
explore adoption after another round of IVF failed. Charlie was our miracle
when modern medicine couldn’t deliver. Now Delilah was mine and
Charlie’s miracle since fate had decided to rip Sarah away from us.
A heaviness settled in my chest as sadness clogged my throat. I
swallowed back the emotion and forced a smile as Charlie ran to me,
excitedly showing off her makeup.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”
“Thanks, Daddy,” she crooned.
My eyes lifted and found Delilah’s. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell
her she looked beautiful too, but I couldn’t. Not in front of Charlie. I told
her with my gaze as it drifted over her features, and the corner of my lip
tugged up.
“I know I look silly,” she mumbled, “but I couldn’t tell her no.”
“You don’t look silly at all,” I assured her, hoping she’d catch my
meaning. Her eyes searched mine, and I held her stare. So much passed
between us in those few seconds: words we couldn’t speak out loud,
feelings we could no longer fight. I wanted to pull her into my arms and
kiss her, but that would have to wait.
Charlie dragged us from ride to ride, only stopping long enough to share
a funnel cake with Delilah. By the time we left, it was nearly dark, and I
was beat. Charlie bounced and skipped her way out of the gate, rambling
about her favorite rides and asking if we could come back. I wasn’t sure
how she had so much energy left, but I was certain she’d crash long before
we made it home. I still needed to take Delilah home since she didn’t have a
vehicle, and as badly as I wanted to ask her to stay tonight, I didn’t think it
was a good idea.
This was all too new, too fresh. Everything happened so fast last night.
My heart pounded in my chest as I drove to that restaurant, afraid I’d be too
late and she’d be gone. Relief washed over me when I saw she was still
there, but fury reignited when my gaze landed on her date, his predatory
gaze assessing her like prey caught in a trap. I was ready to pummel the
creep. If it hadn’t been for Charlie, I probably would have. She’d been half
asleep, her head nestled against my shoulder when I found Delilah. Taking
her inside with me wasn’t ideal, but I didn’t want to leave her alone in the
car.
My emotions were still running high when we got home, and I said
some things I probably shouldn’t have. It was just that my protective—and
possessive—instincts flared to life, and I acted on impulse. Had I acted
rashly? Was it too much, too fast? My stomach knotted with turmoil as I
began to acknowledge the implications of my actions. I’d slept with the
nanny and my daughter’s biological mother. This was a tangled web, and I
wasn’t sure if I was the spider or its prey. All I knew was I was falling, and
I hoped it caught me.
“Are you alright?” Delilah asked from the passenger seat. I glanced
over at her. Her face was partially bathed in darkness, illuminated only by
the lights from the dash and the occasional passing streetlight. Concern
knitted her brows as she watched me. Taking stock of my tight muscles and
stiff back, I relaxed.
“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”
“Okay,” she replied, her voice low as she averted her gaze. She didn’t
believe me. Glancing in the rearview mirror to make sure Charlie was
asleep, I reached over and laced my fingers through hers. She sucked in a
breath, her entire body going taut before she stole a peek into the back seat.
“She’s asleep,” I assured her. Charlie had passed out before we even
made it out of the parking lot. Delilah fell back against her seat, her head
dropping against the headrest in relief. “We should probably talk about what
happened last night.” Her back went rigid again, and I winced. Now that
Charlie was out and we were essentially alone, this was the first chance
we’d had to talk since everything changed.
“Yeah,” she agreed, letting out a long breath. “We probably should.”
I stayed silent for several minutes. She’d given me the green light to
address the elephant in the room, but the words seemed stuck in my throat.
She gave my hand an encouraging squeeze, and it was exactly what I
needed to continue.
“I apologize for the way I acted,” I began, and she started to pull away,
but I didn’t release her hand. She probably thought I was apologizing for
kissing her, for claiming her, and for making love to her like I’d wanted to
for weeks, but that wasn’t it. “I insinuated that you were somehow at fault
for what happened, but you weren’t. That’s on him.” Her eyes fell closed
like she was savoring those words, as though she’d been waiting years to
hear them. “You did nothing wrong, and I overreacted. I let jealousy cloud
my judgment.” Her eyes shot open and snapped to me.
I released her hand and rested my palm against her bare thigh. The feel
of her silky skin caused a stirring in my groin that I tried to ignore. “I was
jealous as hell that you’d gone out with another man.” My grip tightened on
her leg, and she squirmed beneath my touch. “I wanted to be the one taking
you out. The one who held your hand and kissed you at the end of the
night.”
She huffed out a laugh. “You got more than a kiss.”
“Damn straight I did.” My hand slid further up her thigh until I reached
the frayed hem of her cut-off jean shorts.
“What I’m saying is, I’m sorry for being a jerk, but I’m not sorry for
what happened after that. And I’d really like for it to happen again.”
“You would?” she asked, voice laced with surprise.
I nodded. “If that’s okay with you.”
“Yeah,” she breathed, “I think I’d like that.” My body stirred to life at
the sound, my cock growing hard and thick behind my zipper. I squeezed
her leg, and she let out a soft moan.
“So, you want to keep doing this?” I asked, although I was fairly certain
of her answer.
“Yes.” She gripped my wrist and held it in place. Uncertainty rolled off
her in waves as though she didn’t know if she wanted to move my hand
higher or keep me from sliding it closer to her pussy. Fuck, I wanted to do
the latter, but I was driving, and my kid was in the back seat. I’d have to
behave.
For now.
Delilah and I agreed that what happened between us should stay
between us. It was a complex situation that didn’t need any onlookers or
meddling family members poking their nose in our business. We would
conduct ourselves exactly the same around Charlie. She was a smart kid.
She’d pick up on it if she saw us suddenly begin to touch or hug or act
anything but cordial to each other. We would be friendly but not too
friendly in front of the other adults in our families on the rare occasion they
were around. No one would be the wiser.
At least that was what I thought.
The following week was a whirlwind of excitement and stolen kisses.
Monday morning, I snuck down to the kitchen while Delilah made
breakfast and wrapped my arms around her waist. I buried my nose in her
neck and breathed in her intoxicating scent. She arched into me, and our
sweet embrace instantly grew heated. In a matter of seconds, I had her up
on the counter, pressing my erection into her as her thighs bracketed my
hips.
“I love your cooking,” I said, peppering kisses along her jaw and neck,
“but I’d rather have you for breakfast.” She gasped as my fingers found the
edge of her panties and dipped inside. She was warm, slick, and so damn
inviting. I wanted to make a meal out of her right then and there, but I
couldn’t. It was too risky.
“I’ve got an idea,” I said, sliding my hands beneath her ass and lifting.
She wrapped her legs around my back, and I carried her to my office. I
didn’t waste time explaining my plans. Instead, I kicked the door closed and
placed her on my desk, instructing her to lie back. Anticipation glinting in
her eyes, she complied, resting back on her elbows. She lifted her hips as I
slid her shorts and panties off.
Her head fell back, and a moan escaped her lips at the first swipe of my
tongue. She dug her fingers into my hair as she writhed against my mouth.
She was insatiable, and her enthusiasm spurred me on. I worked her over,
sucking and biting then licking and stroking until she was coming apart.
I stood from where I knelt in front of her as she sat up. She pressed her
legs together demurely like I hadn't just been face deep in her honey pot. I
swiped the back of my hand over my mouth, and her eyes flared before
sliding down my body and settling on my tented pants. Her hand shot out,
and she hooked her fingers inside my waistband, yanking me toward her.
My palms met the dark wood as I braced my weight against the desk
and stepped between her thighs. Her hand disappeared into my pants the
moment a tiny voice called out, “Daddy?”
Delilah yanked her hand away, and I jumped back. “Shit,” I hissed,
readjusting my hard-on while Delilah frantically searched for her shorts. I
found them draped over a filing cabinet and tossed them to her. “I’ll distract
her while you slip out,” I said as she stepped into her shorts sans panties. I
wasn’t sure where they’d landed, and we didn’t have time to look for them.
Once she was dressed, I opened the door and slipped down the hallway
to the kitchen. “Hey, munchkin,” I crooned as I scooped Charlie into my
arms.
“Is Delilah here?” she asked, craning her neck to peer around me at the
bowl full of waffle batter.
“Um, yea, she went to the restroom,” I stammered out, uncertainly.
Charlie didn’t seem to notice my hesitation. She wiggled out of my grasp
and pulled a stool up to the bar where the mixing bowl sat and waited for
Delilah to return. She didn’t have to wait long. Delilah walked into the
kitchen a moment later, face flushed, her long tresses piled atop her head in
a messy bun. The blush staining her cheeks deepened when her gaze met
mine. I couldn’t help the satisfied grin that tugged at my lips.
“Mornin’, sweet pea,” she said as she bent to place a kiss on the crown
of Charlie’s head. They went about their morning routine as usual. Aside
from the brief glances we shared, nobody would suspect what we’d just
done. Charlie was just a kid, so she certainly didn’t notice.
But somebody else would.
It happened that weekend as the party began to wind down. It was
Charlie’s birthday, and a small group of close friends and family gathered at
my house to celebrate. Delilah went all out while decorating and even
ordered a special mermaid themed cake. I’d tried to keep my distance all
evening, so we didn’t raise any suspicions. She was already nervous about
being there, worrying that someone would question her presence. But they
all knew how close she’d grown to Charlie over the last several months and
that she was Charlie’s bio mom. I hadn’t banked on anyone guessing what
she meant to me.
“So how long have you been fucking the nanny?” My gaze snapped to
Donny as he sidled up next to me, peering across the room where Delilah
and Emily helped Charlie clip colorful little rhinestones to her hair. I had
my sister-in-law to thank for that gift.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I ground out. My heart raced,
worried he’d see right through me.
He chuckled and shook his head. Keeping his voice low, he said, “You
two haven’t been able to keep your eyes off each other all night. It’s
obvious to anyone who’s been paying attention that there’s something going
on between you.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from spilling my guts and nodded
toward the kitchen. He followed me in there and shut the door. I scrubbed
my hand over my face and squeezed my eyes shut before staring up at the
ceiling.
“It only happened just recently.”
“Okay,” he replied nonchalantly.
“Sarah hasn’t even been gone a year.” I began to pace as I made my
confession, suddenly feeling like I needed to get it off my chest. “I didn’t
mean for it to happen. I tried to keep things professional.” Nervously, I
pulled my fingers through my hair. “But I’ve been lonely, you know?”
“Mmm, hmm,” Donny replied, nodding.
“And she’s so good with Charlie. She’s so good to me. Fuck, I probably
would’ve starved to death if it hadn’t been for her.” He let out a soft laugh
and stepped up to me, gripping me by the shoulders.
“Bro, I’m not here to judge you,” he assured me, and I searched his
features. Sincerity and worry swirled in his deep brown gaze. “I just want
you to be careful. This is a complicated situation.”
“I know,” I huffed in frustration, shaking my head.
“But it’s not necessarily a bad thing. You’re more alive than I’ve seen
you in months. You no longer look like you’re ready to follow her to the
grave. Just don’t rush things,” he warned. You’ve had a tough year. Give
yourself some time.”
I nodded, and he released me, giving me a pat on the back. He was
right. I needed to take my time and slow things down a bit. But now that I’d
had a taste of Delilah, slowing down was the last thing on my mind.
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“T his turned out to be a hit ,” V ivian crooned as I gathered the
paper plates and napkins from the table and stuffed them into the trash bag.
“You did such a good job planning the party.” Everyone else was gone, but
Vance’s mom had stayed to help clean up.
“Thanks, Mom,” Vance replied as she handed him the last of the
silverware to place in the dishwasher. “But Delilah did most of the work.” I
glanced at him, and my stomach dipped at the appreciative smile curving
his lips.
Vivian noticed it too. “Well,” she huffed, seemingly annoyed with his
praise, “it turned out great.” Her tight smile did little to hide her
displeasure.
I finished clearing off the table and grabbed my purse. I needed to get
out of here and away from Vivian’s keen eye. She already seemed
suspicious, and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. “I should probably get
going,” I said and headed for the door. “I’m just going to peek in on Charlie
before I leave.” She was already asleep, but I didn’t want to leave without
seeing her one last time. I bid them both goodbye, trying to ignore the
frown tugging at Vance’s mouth, and headed for the stairs.
I tiptoed across the room and stood over Charlie’s bed, taking in the
sight. Dark lashes fanned across her cheeks, and her tiny pink lips parted
slightly as soft snores filled the room. She was still wearing her party hat,
so I gently removed it and placed it on her nightstand. I brushed her mussed
hair from her face and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.
I turned and walked across the room just as a dark silhouette filled the
doorway. Startled, I halted in my tracks but relaxed when I saw it was
Vance. “I don’t want you to go,” his deep voice rumbled.
“I can’t stay. Your mom—”
“She’s leaving,” he declared and stepped inside, shutting the door with a
quiet click. My breath caught as his eyes flared, his gaze dropping to my
mouth. “I’m not ready to give you up just yet.” He closed the distance
between us and gripped the back of my neck, slamming his lips down on
mine. An involuntary moan escaped me. He turned and pressed my back
against the door, bracing one hand on the panel next to my head. “I need to
be inside you. It’s all I’ve been able to think about.”
His mouth dropped to my neck, and I arched into him. I was seconds
away from tearing his clothes off when his mom called from downstairs.
“I’m heading out. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waited for the sound of the
front door closing before turning the knob. We spilled out into the hallway
and crossed to the guest bedroom. His hands found the button on my shorts
as my fingers slid beneath the hem of his shirt. We were nearly naked by the
time we made it to the bed.
My pulse hummed, and goosebumps covered my arms. This was really
happening again. We’d barely had a moment alone together since our brief
encounter on his desk. Sex hadn’t been an option all week, and I craved his
touch. I wanted all of him. The quick release he’d given me was great, but I
needed more. I needed to feel him moving inside me, to watch him come
unraveled as we fell over the edge together. I’d gone so long without feeling
this way, and now that I’d reclaimed what had been lost, I was insatiable.
Vance’s rough hands slid up my sides and around to my back. He
unclasped my bra, and I let it fall to the floor. Swallowing hard, he took in
my full, round breasts and the pink tips that ached for his mouth to close
over them. Slowly he lowered himself to his knees and reached for my hips,
slipping his fingers beneath the straps resting there. He slid the material
down my legs at an agonizingly slow pace, and I squirmed impatiently
trying to work them off faster. He grinned up at me wickedly, his eyes
filling with satisfaction.
When I was finally completely bare, he leaned forward and pressed his
face into me and trailed kisses across my flesh. My head fell back, and my
eyes closed as his tongue dipped between my thighs.
Curving his hand around my calf, he lifted my leg and rested it on his
shoulder before diving back in. I cried out, spearing my fingers into his hair
as his tongue swept over my clit. He growled against my skin and moved
his tongue faster and faster, circling the tender bundle of nerves.
My legs shook as my release built, and my knee nearly gave out on me.
Vance’s hands pressed harder against my ass to keep me upright as he
buried his face in me. He gently eased me backward, and I fell onto the
mattress, his mouth never leaving my pussy. He remained on his knees,
worshiping me with his tongue as I writhed beneath him. My entire body
was coiled tightly, ready to snap at any moment. Wave after wave of
pleasure rolled through me as my back bowed off the bed, my entire body
vibrating with my release.
“Fuck, I love the way you taste,” Vance purred as he leaned down to
kiss me. I lay there panting, unable to move a limb while he retrieved a
condom.
“Wait!” I barked, and he paused, uncertainty filling his eyes. Gone was
the satisfied grin, replaced with a worried expression. Did he think I wanted
to stop this? Not. A. Chance.
“It’s my turn to taste you,” I declared, reaching out a shaky hand to take
the foil square from him and set it aside. His eyes darkened, his lids
lowering as his icy blue irises smoldered. I dropped to my knees in front of
him and his breath hitched. It had been a long time since I’d done this, but
surely I couldn't mess it up. It was like riding a bike, right?
Curling my fingers around the base, I spared one last look at him before
I wrapped my lips around the head. He watched me reverently as though I
was the most interesting and beautiful creation on earth.
“Fuck,” he hissed as I slid my mouth down his length. I sucked as I
pulled back, stopping just shy of letting him fall from my lips. His hands
fell to my hair, and he gathered it all in one hand to keep it out of the way. I
pumped him as I sucked, his groans of pleasure spurring me on. His grip
tightened in my hair, sending tingles over my scalp. I moaned as sensation
shot straight between my legs.
“I’m gonna come if you don’t stop,” Vance breathed. I kept going. I
wanted to see him come undone. His hips thrust forward. He was losing
control, and I loved it. I took him to the back of my throat, letting him go as
hard and deep as he wanted.
“You feel so fucking good,” he moaned, his head falling back, his face
awash in ecstasy.
After a moment, his eyes opened and his heated gaze dropped to mine.
“You look so beautiful taking all of me.” Air hissed through his teeth when
I swallowed, pulling him deeper into my throat.
“Good girl,” he praised, and I whimpered, sliding my hand between my
legs to soothe some of the ache. A warning fell from his lips a moment
before he erupted.
I didn’t stop, though. I took everything he gave me. He was completely
at my mercy, and it felt good to be in control.
He pulled me to my feet and into his heaving chest. The light smattering
of dark hair tickled my cheek as his galloping heartbeat thundered against
my ear. He held me like that for a moment, his bare skin melding with
mine, before finally pulling back and cupping my face. His mouth closed
over mine, his tongue sweeping over my bottom lip.
“That was incredible,” he rasped, his deep voice sending a bolt of
arousal straight to my core. Despite my earlier release, I still wasn’t sated. I
needed more.
Emboldened by his words of appreciation, I placed my palms on his
chest and looked into his eyes. “I thought you said you needed to be inside
me.” The blue orbs flared with heat, and the corner of his lips lifted in a
smirk.
“You didn’t think the night was over yet, did you? I fully intend on
being inside of you very soon.” Tingles of excitement raced up my spine.
Heat flooded my lower belly as he lifted me onto the bed and crawled over
top of me, making good on his promise.
V ance all but begged me to stay the night , but reason prevailed .
Charlie would wonder why I was still there in the morning, or worse—
she’d wake up and catch us in bed together. My mind drifted back to the
time she asked if I could have a sleepover with her dad, and I explained
why I couldn’t. It certainly wouldn’t look good if we suddenly started
having them now. She didn’t know about the other times I’d stayed over,
and I planned to keep it that way. Her knowing about Vance and me would
only complicate things further, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“I guess I’ll see you Monday morning,” he said with a pout. He lay on
his side, propped up on his elbow, the sheet pooled around his waist. The
top half of his lean, sculpted body was on full display, and I momentarily
reconsidered his proposition.
I crawled across the bed, now fully dressed, and leaned down to press a
quick kiss to his lips. “Maybe I’ll come over a little early and give you a
special treat for breakfast.”
His hand shot forward, gripping me by the back of the neck and pulling
me in for a heated kiss. His fingers tangled in my hair as his tongue danced
with mine. “Don’t tempt me,” he growled against my mouth. He made it
hard to leave when he talked like that. I wanted to give in, to do whatever
he pleased with his hands in my hair and his lips against mine.
Reluctantly, I pulled out of his grasp and stood from the bed. “I’ll save
all my tempting for later,” I promised with a wicked grin.
He shot from the bed and scooped his clothes up from the floor. I
admired his muscled back and rock-hard glutes as he slipped his jeans on.
He didn’t bother putting on his briefs, and knowing he was completely bare
beneath the denim did funny things to my insides. His pants rested low on
his hips, revealing the top of his V. I licked my lips, wanting to run my
tongue over every hard ridge of his torso.
My libido roared to life like a raging inferno. It was shocking since at
one time, there hadn’t been so much as a spark, not even an ember with the
hope of catching fire. But Vance had awoken my desire. It took months, but
as our connection grew, so did my trust. I knew he would never hurt me,
would never take advantage of me. Hell, he tried not to touch me, even
when I practically begged for it. He was the only person who’d made me
feel safe for the last several years. I could let my guard down with him, lose
myself in the sensation of his touch. And damn it felt good to finally let go.
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I got to work half an hour early on M onday , my pulse racing with
anticipation as I unlocked the front door and silently slipped inside. Going
to the kitchen to place my purse on the hook, I stopped dead in my tracks
when I saw what awaited me. Vance stood next to the coffee pot as it
percolated, his perfectly tailored pants hugging his body like a glove. He’d
put a little weight back on since I'd started working for him, and damn did
he fill out those pants nicely. The top few buttons of his white dress shirt
were undone, his tie hanging loosely around his neck. The sight brought me
back to my first day here when I helped him with his tie. He hadn’t asked
since, but I wondered if he left it like that because he needed my help again.
Either way, I was enjoying the view.
His crystalline gaze lifted to mine, and a slow smile curved his lips.
“Hey,” he said, and the sound shot straight between my thighs. His voice
was still scratchy from sleep, the deep timbre vibrating in my chest.
“Hey,” I breathed, my brain unable to come up with anything better.
“You’re here early,” he mused, his eyes skating down my body.
“As promised,” I replied, and his eyes flared, remembering our
conversation from Saturday night.
He stalked toward me, and I fought the urge to take a step back at the
predatory look in his eyes. “That’s right. You did promise me a special treat.
Time to pay up.” He bent and curled his hands around the backs of my
thighs, lifting me into his arms. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his
back as he carried me to his office. He kicked the door closed and turned
the lock before bringing me to his desk and placing me on my feet. The top
of it was empty, and I wondered if he cleared it in preparation for this.
“I want you completely bare,” he rasped, reaching for the button on my
shorts. “I’m going to feast on you until I’ve had my fill,” he proclaimed
before capturing my mouth in a punishing kiss. “And then I’m going to
bend you over this desk and make you see stars.” He pushed my shorts and
panties down my legs, and I stepped out of them. His warm palms slid up
my sides, dragging the cotton up my waist and over my chest. I lifted my
arms as he pulled my top off and let it drop to the floor, my bra joining it
soon after.
His gaze darkened as it took me in, every inch of my skin exposed for
his perusal. Normally, I’d want to cover myself, to keep all the intimate
parts concealed from eyesight. But the way he looked at me, with reverence
and appreciation glinting in his eyes, emboldened me. I wanted him to see
me, to touch me, to consume me: body, mind, and soul.
My eyes went wide as he slid the silk tie from around his neck. What
was he going to do with that? Goosebumps pebbled my skin as tingles of
excitement surged through my body.
“Hands together,” his deep voice rumbled in command. I did as he
requested, my already accelerated heart rate doubling. My stomach dipped,
and I grew slick as the silky material skated over my skin. I was completely
naked, my hands being tied together by a man who was fully clothed. It was
erotic and lascivious, and I’d never been more turned on in my life.
With my hands secured, he guided me onto his desk. He flattened his
hand on my chest and urged me to lie back. Within minutes, I was
shattering beneath him, and my bound hands fisted in his hair as he
devoured me.
I was still riding high when he flipped me over and stretched my arms
above my head, securing the loop in his tie around a knob on his desk
drawer. I heard the distinct sound of a zipper and the tearing of a foil packet
before one hand came to rest on my hip. With the other, he slowly slid the
broad head of his thick cock over my dripping entrance and up to my clit.
My hips jumped at the contact on my still sensitive bud.
“I think you’re ready for me,” Vance said as he slid his length back and
forth over my core.
“Mmm,” I moaned in confirmation, unable to form coherent words. He
understood completely. He slammed into me, and I cried out in surprise.
Soon, those cries turned to moans as he thrust into me, hitting me in just the
right spot. The edge of the desk bit into my thighs with each surge of his
hips, but I didn’t care. This felt too good. The house could have fallen down
around us, and I still wouldn’t have wanted to stop.
I was quickly approaching another orgasm. My inner muscles tightened
around him, and he let out a groan of satisfaction. As promised, he made me
see stars.
When we were finished, he collapsed against my back and reached up to
untie my wrists. I’d never had anyone bind me during sex. If anyone else
had tried, I probably would’ve panicked and froze in fear. But I trusted
Vance. He’d never done anything to make me feel uneasy or trapped. Even
with his weight on me, I knew if I asked him to move, he wouldn’t hesitate.
And I didn’t want him to go anywhere.
Too soon he stood, taking with him the warmth of his body. I shivered
as cool air whispered over my sweat-dampened skin. Straightening, I
rubbed at my wrists where the tie had pulled against them. Vance
immediately grabbed my hands, a scowl pinching his brow as he inspected
the slightly reddened skin.
He cursed under his breath. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, his thumb
brushing over my pulse point. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“You didn’t hurt me.” I rushed to assure him. If he thought he hurt me,
he wouldn’t do it again, and I definitely wanted him to do that again.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.
“Positive,” I breathed, my gaze falling to his mouth. He noticed, and his
face relaxed. As he leaned down, his hands came up to cup my face, and he
placed a gentle kiss on my lips.
“Why don’t you get dressed, and I’ll start on breakfast?”
“Isn’t that my job?” I asked with a chuckle.
“Not today, it isn’t. Besides, I’ve got time since I already got my
workout in.” He quirked a brow at me suggestively, his gaze flicking to the
desk. A blush bloomed across my cheeks and still bare chest. He brushed
another quick kiss across my lips before heading for the door. Once he was
gone, I collapsed against the cool wood and drew in a long, deep breath.
Guilt niggled at the back of my mind. What was I doing? Fucking my
boss—and my late cousin’s husband—against his desk while his daughter
(my daughter?) slept upstairs? I dropped my head into my hands as my
mind raced. I didn’t have anything to feel guilty about.
Did I?
He was single. I was single. We were both adults. It didn’t matter that he
was more than a decade older than me. That wasn’t what was bothering me.
If I was being honest, the thought that plagued me was that he was still
mourning. That his heart still belonged to Sarah.
And that it would never belong to me.
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V ance
D elilah began showing up early and staying late on the days she
worked. In the mornings, she’d meet me in the kitchen, and we’d kiss and
talk while we prepared breakfast. Sometimes I took her into my office,
locked the door, and made her come before I even had my morning coffee.
After dinner, we snuck gentle touches and chaste kisses, but we kept it PG
when Charlie was around just in case we slipped up and got caught.
Some nights, when I got stuck at the office, she was there until after
dark. I hated for her to drive home late then have to turn around and come
right back the following morning. So I decided to approach her with a
proposition, one that would not only make her life easier, but would give us
more alone time together.
“I was thinking…” I began as I secured the final button on my shirt. I’d
just given her multiple orgasms and was hoping she’d be agreeable to my
proposal. She tended to be more pliant when she was sated. “Since you’re
here three days in a row and usually end up staying pretty late, maybe you
should start sleeping over on those nights.”
She froze, her shorts only halfway up her legs, and looked at me,
expression stunned. Before she could form a rebuttal, I continued.
“You’re driving an hour and a half every day just to go home to sleep
and come right back. It doesn’t make sense. You could save yourself a lot of
time and gas by staying Monday and Tuesday nights.” She was here every
day but Thursday when my mom watched Charlie. There was no point in
her driving home those two nights when she was just going to come right
back the next morning. Sure, I had ulterior motives, but it truly did make
more sense for her to stay.
She glanced away, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she
contemplated what I said. I had one more card left to play, and I was
positive this would win her over.
“Besides, I know Charlie would love having you here more. You
wouldn’t have to leave to go home and could tuck her in at night. She
would be over the moon if you stayed.” It might have been a dirty trick, but
it was true. Charlie hated when Delilah left and sometimes cried. This
wasn’t just for me—and to save Delilah travel time—it was for my daughter
too.
“So, what do you say?” I prompted.
She hesitated a moment, mulling over my offer. “It would make things
easier on me,” she began, and I could tell I had won her over. “And
spending more time with Charlie is always a plus.” Her lips curved into a
soft smile, and my heart fluttered. It warmed me from head to toe to see
how much she loved Charlie. Each time I saw the way she cared for my
little girl, I thanked my lucky stars she offered to be her nanny. Who better
to care for my daughter than the woman who gave birth to her?
“I suppose it doesn’t hurt to give it a try,” she said finally. She was
agreeable, but there still seemed to be some hesitation on her part. What
was holding her back? Was it because we were sleeping together? Did she
think I would tire of having her around? Or was she worried boundaries
would blur even more than they already had?
Shoving those thoughts to the back of my mind, I pulled her into my
chest, needing her close to me. Her touch soothed the ache inside me that
never seemed to abate when she wasn’t near. She’d become my solace, and
I craved the comfort her presence brought me. I worried sometimes I’d
become too reliant on her, that I used her comfort to smother my grief, but I
pushed down those concerns, unwilling to give them any merit.
The following week, Delilah brought an overnight bag with her. She had
extra clothes and toiletries for her two-night stay. I made sure the guest
bedroom had fresh linens and the bed was neatly made. For some reason, I
was suddenly nervous about having her here. It wasn’t like she’d never
stayed over before, but this would be the first time she spent the night since
we started sleeping together. The other times were strictly out of necessity
and nothing else. Now there was intent. There were expectations. There was
a very real possibility that I’d spend every night she was here beneath the
sheets with her.
We’d have to be careful, though. Charlie’s room was just across the hall.
She couldn’t see me going in or out of Delilah’s room, nor could we risk her
hearing anything. My room was further down the hall. She wouldn’t be able
to hear anything from there.
I quickly dismissed that thought. There was no way I could let Delilah
in there. That had been Sarah’s space. Though her sweet scent no longer
lingered in the air, her memory was still ever present in that room. Her
jewelry box still sat atop the dresser, and her clothes still hung in our shared
closet. I needed to pack up her things, maybe donate her clothes to charity
and save her jewelry for Charlie, but I didn’t have the heart to go through
them yet. I would in time, but I wasn’t ready to let go.
My stomach knotted with guilt, my chest tightening as grief washed
over me. How could I miss Sarah so badly, yet feel so much for Delilah?
Sure, things had been rocky in our marriage for a while, but we were
working on it. It wasn’t perfect, but nobody’s was. We were supposed to
have years left, but her life was cut short. And it was my fault.
“There you are,” Delilah said from the doorway. My head snapped up,
and I was greeted with her bright, beaming smile. Dropping my gaze, I
tucked the last corner of the freshly laundered blanket under the mattress
and swallowed down the guilt clogging my throat. I couldn’t look at her. It
tore my heart in two after thinking about Sarah.
“Room’s all ready,” I said with a tight smile and walked toward the
door. I went to brush past her, but she stopped me with her hand on my
chest.
“Hey,” she said softly, sensing my disquiet, “are you okay?” My eyes
shut of their own volition, and I fought the urge to melt into her touch. I
stood there, my chest lifting as I drew in a deep breath. Her hand slid up my
shoulder and neck until it cupped my face. I leaned into her palm, unable to
resist. I remained silent, unable to give voice to my inner turmoil.
“I’m here if you want to talk about it.” I simply nodded and stepped out
of her grasp.
I was too unsettled to eat, my stomach revolting at the mere thought of
food. So, I filled a travel mug with coffee and headed to work before
Delilah came back downstairs. I needed to clear my head before I saw her
again. I was beginning to wonder if asking her to stay the night was a bad
idea. I wanted her close, but I felt like I was betraying Sarah by having her
stay in our home.
Had Sarah felt like she was betraying me when she was texting another
man?
I shook away those thoughts. I couldn’t think of her like that. She was
gone and couldn’t defend herself. I never learned the extent of her
involvement with him, but she’d swore they never slept together, and I had
to believe that. I needed to or everything I thought I knew about my late
wife would be a lie.
I was wrung out by the time I arrived at the office, and the day hadn’t
even started yet. I buried myself in work, trying to forget about everything
that waited for me at home. It worked for a little while, but as I shut down
my computer for the day, it all began to seep back in.
I was somber by the time I arrived home. It was later than I realized,
and Delilah and Charlie had already had dinner and were watching a movie
in the family room. Charlie greeted me with her usual enthusiasm, and I
bent to kiss her on the head.
“Hey, how was your day?” Delilah asked, her eyes weary and
expression guarded. I hated that I made her feel that.
“It was okay. I have a little work I need to finish up. I’ll be in my office
if you need anything.” She nodded and went back to watching the movie,
but I felt her gaze on my back when I turned and headed for the door.
I sat at my desk and powered up my laptop. As I waited for it to turn on,
my gaze settled on the knob where I’d secured the tie binding Delilah’s
hands. My dick stirred in my pants at the memory of her delicious naked
body sprawled across my desk. She’d been so wet, there wasn’t a drop of
friction when I slid inside her. Fuck, I needed to stop thinking about that
and focus on my work. I fell behind after spending most of the afternoon in
meetings.
A short time later, three timid knocks to my door frame pulled my
attention from the screen, and I looked up to find Delilah leaning against it.
Her arms were crossed over her middle, and one leg was bent at the knee
with her foot resting atop the other.
“Have you eaten?” she asked, her eyes filling with worry.
“Not yet,” I admitted.
“There’s a plate for you in the microwave if you get hungry.”
“Thank you.” She watched me for a moment, hopeful and expectant.
“I’m going to put Charlie to bed and turn in.” It was an invitation. She
wanted me to come to her, and I wanted to, but the war inside me still
raged. I missed my wife. I wanted Delilah. Could those things exist
simultaneously without tearing me apart?
Words caught in my throat. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to
make empty promises because I wasn’t certain I could follow through with
them. So, I simply nodded. Her face fell, and she turned away from me,
padding silently down the hall. My lukewarm response hurt her. I wanted to
kick myself for it.
I tried to finish my work, but I couldn’t focus. All I could think about
was the disappointment on Delilah’s face when she left my office thirty
minutes ago. I needed to just be upfront with her, to explain what had me so
rattled. She would understand. She always did. I closed my laptop and
headed upstairs, prepared to spill my guts.
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D elilah
I was contemplating stuffing all my clothes back into my bag and
leaving when a broad frame stepped into the doorway. Vance’s cool
dismissal had shaken me, making me feel like an unwelcome guest in his
home. He’d been so gung-ho about me staying the night when he brought it
up last week, but now I felt more like a nuisance.
“Hey,” he said from the threshold. I didn’t reply, just watched as he
propped his shoulder against the frame. “Do you have everything you
need?”
“I think so.” Except for you. I kept that thought to myself, not wanting
to make things more awkward than they already were. I clutched the clean
pajamas I had in my hand to my chest in an attempt to soothe the ache. “I’m
just going to grab a shower before bed.”
He stepped aside to allow me to exit. I stared straight ahead, unable to
look at him as I passed. I didn’t know what had happened between last
week and this morning to cause this change in him, but I couldn’t help but
wonder if what we had was already over.
I held my breath as I stepped through the doorway, not wanting to
inhale his irresistibly masculine scent. It left me in a whoosh when his arm
shot out, wrapping around my middle and halting me in my tracks.
“Delilah,” he rasped. My heart rate skyrocketed, and I took several deep
breaths before I turned to face him. His eyes smoldered as the muscle in his
jaw ticked. He didn’t move for a long moment, and neither did I. I fought
the urge to melt into him when what I should’ve done was pull away. But I
couldn’t. I was drawn to him.
Then he struck. The hand resting on my hip tightened, and he turned my
body toward him. His lips crashed down on mine as he pressed me against
the doorway, the trim biting into my spine. His hard body trapped me in
place as one hand slid into my hair, his fingers curling around the nape of
my neck. He grew long and hard against my belly, and I moaned into his
kiss.
Suddenly, he turned me again and backed me into the room, shutting the
door behind us. I was so lost to him, I didn’t question why the sudden
change. I just wanted to feel him. Next to me, on top of me, inside me. I
wanted it all.
His hands skated beneath my shirt, his warm skin brushing against mine
as he lifted the fabric. He pulled it over my head and tossed it onto the floor
before relieving me of my bra. His head dipped, and his lips skimmed over
my collarbone before closing over my nipple. I cried out as I threw my head
back, the sensation welcome but jarring as his gentle pulls sent a jolt of
arousal pulsating between my legs.
He tugged roughly at my bottoms, and I shimmied my hips to help him
get them past my butt and thighs. Slipping his hands into the back of my
panties, he cupped my ass cheeks and squeezed before pushing the soft
cotton down my legs.
He urged me back onto the bed and climbed over me, his fingers going
to the buttons on his dress shirt as he straddled my hips. He expertly undid
them, his molten gaze never leaving mine. He yanked the shirt off before
dropping his hands to his pants. My mouth watered when his erection
sprang free. I gripped him in my hand and pumped a few times before he
fell over onto his back so he could kick off his pants. I sprang into action,
coming up on my hands and knees and climbing over him, my knees
bracketing his calves and my hands braced on the mattress on each side of
his hips.
“Delilah.” His words fell away, replaced by a sharp hiss of air through
his teeth when my tongue darted out to lick the crown. My lips closed over
his glistening head and slid down his length. A string of low curses left his
lips as I pulled back, sucking as I went. His salty flavor hit the back of my
tongue, and a moan rumbled up my throat. He groaned at the sensation, his
hips flexing forward.
I worked him over, using my hand to stroke him as I bobbed and licked
and sucked. My name fell from his lips in reverence, the sound heady and
pleading all at once.
Suddenly, he gripped my upper arms and yanked me up his body, his
lips finding mine. He captured my mouth in a punishing kiss before pulling
back. “I need to taste you. I need to feel that sweet pussy tightening around
me. I want you to sit on my face then ride my cock.” I whimpered at the
salacious command as my core grew hot and slick. I was completely at his
mercy.
He urged me forward until I was straddling his face. His tongue darted
out to swipe at my sensitive flesh, and my thighs clamped down on his
head. “Sorry,” I squeaked as a dark chuckle fell from his lips.
“Hold onto the headboard,” he instructed as his hands curled around my
thighs, pinning them open. I did as he instructed, and he dove right in,
devouring me like I was a gourmet meal.
My hips began to move of their own accord, his tongue circling and
flicking my clit until my legs were shaking. I was writhing against him,
shamelessly taking the pleasure he offered. And when I came, I came hard,
crying out his name like a plea and an exaltation.
He maneuvered my limp and sated body so I sat astride his hips. A
wicked smile tugged at his lips, and a blush crept over my cheeks when I
noticed the way they glistened. That was from me.
“That was fucking amazing,” he said.
“Shouldn’t that be my line?” I replied with a sheepish grin.
“I think we both enjoyed ourselves.” He flexed his hips, driving his
point home as his rock-hard length pressed against my sensitive flesh.
Reaching for the nightstand, he pulled the top drawer open and fished
around inside for a condom.
We’d never had the birth control/protection talk, but he was always
careful. I had the implant in my arm, but it was almost time for a new one,
and I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant. I didn’t even want to think about
the kind of turmoil that would cause.
Those thoughts evaporated when I took in the heat in his gaze. His eyes
never left mine as he gripped my hips and guided me onto his erection. We
both groaned as I took him all the way to the hilt. I felt so full and stretched
to the max, but it was the best kind of sensation. With his hands clamped
around my waist, he guided my movements as I rocked back and forth.
“You’re in control now,” he crooned, easing his grip and letting me take
over. I loved the power he gave me, letting me control every aspect of our
joining. It was something I desperately needed at times. “Ride me as fast or
as slow as you want, but don’t stop until you’ve had your fill.”
His words spurred me on, and I moved faster. I leaned back, bracing my
hands on his legs and giving him a full view of the action.
“Fuck,” he groaned, sliding his hand down my stomach and finding my
clit with his thumb. I jumped at the sensation, the tender bud still sensitive
from his earlier ministrations. He stroked it as I rode him, my head falling
back as another climax built. It crashed over me, stealing my breath as wave
after wave of pleasure rolled through me. He followed me over the edge,
my orgasm igniting his. I collapsed against his chest, both of us trying to
catch our breath.
When I was finally able to move, I lay down next to him, curled into his
side. The tension from earlier settled in the air around us, an unspoken
grievance a heavy weight between our hearts.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I didn’t need to elaborate. He knew
exactly what I meant. He blew out a breath and brought his hand to his
forehead, rubbing his brow.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he began, and I stiffened in his arms.
Noticing my discomfort, he tightened his hold on me. “I was thinking about
Sarah, and I…” he began, pausing to take a breath. “I felt guilty,” he
admitted. I swallowed thickly, bracing myself for what he would say next.
“Here I am living my life, when hers was cut short. I miss her so damn
bad, but I also care about you. I can’t quite reconcile these two facts. They
aren’t mutually exclusive, yet I don’t know how they can exist together.”
Tears welled in my eyes at his raw honesty.
“You make me happy,” he said, and my heart swelled. “And that makes
me feel even guiltier because I don’t deserve happiness. Not after what I
did.” Shame and anguish laced his words, and I looked up at him in
confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s my fault Sarah is gone.”
“Vance,” I said, propping myself up on my elbow, “she died of a
ruptured aneurysm. There was nothing you could do to cause or prevent
that.”
“You don’t understand,” he proclaimed, sitting up and putting his back
to me. The dismissal hurt, but I pushed it down, focusing instead on him.
He was finally opening up to me, and my pain was nowhere near what this
man had been carrying around for the last nine months.
“I caused it,” he said, hanging his head. “We got into a fight that day. I
said things I shouldn’t have said. She was crying, and I was so damn
angry.” His voice cracked, and I fought the urge to go to him. He needed to
get this out, and I didn’t want to do anything to make him clam up. So, I sat
there quiet as a mouse and still as a statue as he relayed the events of the
day Sarah died.
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V ance
“S he ’ d just been to the doctor a couple weeks before . H er blood
pressure was steadily climbing, and she was getting frequent headaches.
They seemed to think her blood pressure was causing the headaches but
wanted to do a scan just to rule out anything more serious.” I shuddered at
the memory. If only we’d known then…
“They warned us she needed to keep her blood pressure down and avoid
stressful situations. She had to take her meds regularly, but she wasn’t very
good at that. Her scan was scheduled for the following week.” My voice
trailed off as I pinched my eyes closed, trying to erase the memory. She
never made it to her appointment.
“I found texts on her phone,” I announced quietly, afraid to say the
words too loud. If I gave voice to them, that meant I couldn’t pretend
anymore. I couldn’t make myself believe that Sarah had been perfect even
though that was how I wanted everyone to remember her, including myself.
I took a deep breath before continuing, steeling myself for what I had to
say next. “She’d been talking to another man. I wasn’t sure when or how it
started or how far things had gone, but she wasn’t talking to him like a
married woman.” I nearly choked on the last sentence, rage and heartbreak
strangling my windpipe.
“I confronted her about it before work that morning. She denied
sleeping with him, but at the time, I wasn’t sure I believed her. I tried to
take her phone so I could tell him it was over and block his number, but she
wouldn’t let me. She said she’d talk to him, that she would end it, but I
wasn’t taking any chances. So, I ripped it from her hands and threw it
across the room.”
My head dipped lower between my shoulders as the shame of my
actions weighed me down. I lost my temper and acted rashly and as a result,
I lost my wife.
“I got the call a few hours later,” I said, fighting back tears as I heard
the police officer's words on a continuous loop in my head. “She’d been
able to call 9-1-1 despite her screen being cracked and gave them her
address before she passed out, but there was a crash on the freeway. By the
time paramedics arrived, it was too late.”
I scrubbed my hands over my hair, fisting the strands in frustration. “If I
had just kept my cool and talked to her calmly instead of letting my
jealousy get in the way, she wouldn’t have been so upset and her blood
pressure wouldn’t have spiked. They said that was most likely what
ruptured her aneurysm, her blood pressure being too high.”
Delilah was silent, soaking in everything I just told her and probably
thinking I was a monster. I felt her shift on the bed, and I fully expected her
to get up and leave, disgusted with what I’d just confessed. I couldn’t blame
her. I was disgusted with myself.
To my surprise, she pressed herself against my back and wrapped her
arms around me, engulfing me in her warmth. “Vance,” she whispered
against my skin before pressing a kiss to my shoulder. I covered her arms
with mine, letting her hold me tight, offering the comfort I desperately
needed but was too ashamed to seek out on my own.
“What happened was not your fault,” she proclaimed. I opened my
mouth to argue, but she cut me off. “Her aneurysm was a ticking time
bomb. You didn’t even know it was there, and you certainly couldn’t have
known when or if it would rupture. And if she wasn’t taking her medication
regularly, that could’ve caused her blood pressure to get too high.”
Her assurances did little to assuage my guilt, but it planted a seed of
doubt in my mind. This whole time, I believed it was my actions that set off
the chain of events that led to the rupture, but what if it was going to happen
anyway? What if she forgot her blood pressure medicine that morning and it
was really a ticking time bomb like Delilah said?
I didn’t know what to think anymore, but I felt lighter having confessed
my deepest, darkest secrets to the woman I was falling for. Instead of
scaring her away, it brought us closer.
I turned in her arms and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. Pressing my
forehead to hers, I breathed her in. “Thank you,” I said, my appreciation for
her growing by the second. “I haven’t been able to tell anyone that, and it’s
been eating me up inside.”
A sad smile flitted across her lips. “I know what you mean.” Her eyes
filled with anguish, but she looked away, unable to meet my gaze.
I placed my finger beneath her chin and tilted her face to mine. She
avoided my stare as long as she could until finally her eyes met mine. “Talk
to me. What are you holding onto that you’ve never told anyone?”
Her chin wobbled, and she shook her head, batting my hand away. “I
can’t,” she said, voice shaking. An uneasy feeling crawled up my spine,
raising the hairs on the back of my neck.
I reached for her, but she pulled away, tucking her knees to her chest
and hugging her legs. Fear prickled my skin as a chilling sensation settled
over me. What was she hiding? I swallowed hard before speaking again,
afraid I wouldn’t like what she’d have to say.
“Delilah, you can tell me anything. It won’t change the way I feel about
you.”
She lifted her watery gaze to mine and studied my face. Sensing the
sincerity of my words, she drew in a deep breath and glanced away. Staring
straight ahead, she finally opened up. My stomach was in knots from the
first sentence.
“The man who fathered Charlie was not a good man. I thought he was at
first. That’s why I dated him for over a year.” I didn’t like where this was
going, but it was too late to turn back now. She needed to get this off her
chest. It was eating her up inside, and if she trusted me enough to reveal this
long held secret, then I would accept that burden with honor, even if it
ripped my heart from my chest.
“He grew increasingly jealous and possessive to the point where I
couldn’t talk to my guy friends without being accused of sleeping with
them. I finally ended it after a particularly unsettling incident, but he didn’t
take it well. I had to block him everywhere. When the calls and messages
finally stopped, I thought that was that.”
She dropped her head back onto the headboard and swallowed thickly
as she stared at the ceiling. “A few months later, he showed up at a frat
party I was at. I ran into him, and we talked briefly, but he left me alone
after that. I had a little too much to drink and stumbled upstairs to find
somewhere to lie down.” Her voice held steady, but tears leaked from the
corners of her eyes and slid down her cheeks. I wanted to reach up and wipe
them away, but I was afraid that if I touched her, she would stop talking—or
worse, recoil from me—so I held still as she continued.
“I can’t prove it, but I know he put something in my drink. That’s the
only explanation for the shape I was in. I couldn’t move. My limbs felt like
they weighed a ton. The last thing I remember is him kissing me and the
weight of his body pinning me to the bed.” Her eyes fell closed, and
moisture leaked down her face in rivulets as her chin quivered. When she
regained her composure, her eyes drifted open before she continued.
“I had no recollection of what happened, but I could feel what he’d done
to me. I went back to my dorm and did the one thing they tell you not to do
afterward. I took a shower.” Her eyes flashed like a kaleidoscope of
emotions. Anger, regret, shame. “Not that it mattered. I couldn’t go to the
police.”
“Why not?” I asked before I could stop myself. It was an insensitive
question, but I had to know her reasoning. That monster deserved to be
locked behind bars, not roaming freely among us.
“His family…” she replied, her features tightening with fear. “They are
rich and powerful, and I knew he’d find a way to get out of it. I didn’t want
to be dragged through a trial just for him to walk in the end.”
My chest tightened at the thought of her scared and alone, unable to
trust anybody after being violated in such a despicable way. That breathstealing ache turned into a raging inferno at the thought of him getting away
with hurting her.
“When I found out I was pregnant, I was glad I hadn’t told anyone. I’ve
kept her paternity a secret this entire time. He’d already taken enough from
me; I wouldn’t give him the chance to take her too.”
“Who did this to you?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. Inside I
was coming undone, ready to kill the bastard who brutalized her then left
her pregnant and scared.
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t go after him now. I
won’t,” she proclaimed adamantly. “He can never know about Charlie.” Her
body vibrated with nervous energy, and her breathing became erratic. She
was on the verge of a panic attack.
“He won’t,” I assured her, gently grasping her shoulders. She flinched at
my touch, and I winced, removing my hands. “I would never risk losing
Charlie or allowing her to fall into the hands of a monster like that.”
She nodded, slowing her breathing. Once she was calm, she dropped her
legs and slowly inched toward me. “I— you can touch me now. I didn’t
mean to flinch away from you. I just got stuck back there for a moment.”
“It’s okay,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her in
close. “You don’t have to explain yourself.” I ran my hand over her hair
soothingly as I held her. I froze when an unsettling thought occurred to me.
I’d restrained her and fucked her in my office. Had she felt helpless, like
she couldn’t escape when I tied her hands to my desk?
“Oh, God,” I mumbled and released her.
She blinked up at me confused, her lashes still damp from her tears.
“What is it?”
“I’m so sorry, Delilah,” I choked out, a thick ball of guilt clogging my
throat.
“What for?”
“I tied you up,” I replied, running my hands through my hair. “When we
had sex in my office. I didn’t know,” I swore, my chest aching with the
knowledge that I’d restrained a rape victim during sex.
“Vance, it’s okay,” she attempted to assure me, but I thought I was
going to be sick.
I shook my head, wishing I could take it back. Her hands on either side
of my face stopped the motion. “Really,” she said, staring straight into my
eyes. “I liked it. You’re the only person I’ve truly been able to let go with
since. No one has sparked desire within me like you have. I trust you. I
know you won’t hurt me or do anything I’m not comfortable with.” My
shoulders relaxed, and a mischievous grin tipped the corners of her mouth.
“You tried so hard not to touch me, that I knew you’d never abuse the
privilege.”
The tension filling the room evaporated, and a relieved laugh left my
lips as she dropped her hands to my shoulders. “You’re sure that was okay?
I didn’t make you uncomfortable?”
“It was more than okay.”
With that, we climbed beneath the covers, and I held her close. With all
the heavy stuff out in the open, every secret revealed, it felt as though there
were no more barriers between us. Wrung out from our emotional
conversation, I fell asleep quickly, not waking until my alarm went off the
next morning.
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D elilah
S omething changed between V ance and me that night . I t felt like
we were finally in this together, not just two separate entities who found
comfort in each other’s company. I felt closer to him than I did with anyone
else in my life. Perhaps it was because he knew everything including the
circumstances surrounding Charlie’s conception. Or maybe it was our
shared grief and that we were helping each other heal. Either way, it was
freeing to not have to hide that part of me any longer. I suspected he felt the
same.
It broke my heart how he shouldered all the blame for Sarah’s death for
so long. There was no way he could’ve known what would happen. She had
an undiagnosed, potentially fatal condition. I was confident that had he
known, he would’ve given himself time to calm down before confronting
her that day. No one could blame him for being upset over finding out about
the other man. Sure, he could’ve handled it differently, but we all lose our
heads a little when the person we love cuts us so deeply. I just hoped he’d
be able to make peace with it one day.
Over the next few weeks, the unrelenting heat finally gave way to the
crisp mornings and changing leaves of autumn. Charlie, Vance, and I visited
pumpkin patches and apple festivals nearly every week. Charlie and I baked
cinnamon scented goodies for Vance to take to the office and jumped in
heaping piles of leaves. Now that Vance and I had laid all our cards on the
table, our arrangement was working out perfectly. I was spending more time
at their house than I was my own. And it was the happiest I’d been in years.
It was like I’d been given a second chance, and I wasn’t going to squander
it.
Everything was going great until I came downstairs one Tuesday
morning and came face to face with Vivian. My hair was mussed from
sleep, and I hadn’t yet put on a bra. Luckily, I’d been chilled when I woke
up in bed alone and slipped on my oversized cardigan. Vivian’s eyes
bugged out of her head when she took in the sight of me. As far as I knew,
Vance never told her about me staying here some nights, so to her it
probably looked like I just rolled out of his bed. She wasn’t exactly wrong,
although technically I rolled out of the guest bed, but he’d been in it with
me. We still kept our encounters in that room, and I planned for it to stay
that way.
“Delilah, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Her gaze slid from me to her
son and narrowed with accusation. There was a sharpness to her tone I
didn’t care for, but Vance didn’t let it ruffle him.
“Didn’t I tell you? Delilah stays here Monday and Tuesday nights now.”
Vance brought his coffee to his lips and casually took a sip. He was the
picture of calm and collected, and I looked like the kid who’d just got
caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I needed to relax and school my
features before I gave us away.
“Is that so?” she asked, looking to me for confirmation.
“Yeah, um, it’s a lot easier on me. I don’t have to travel as much.”
“She was driving an hour and a half every day just to go home and
sleep. I figured since I have a guest room, she could just stay here. Besides,
Charlie loves having her here.”
“I see,” Vivian replied, trying to hide her displeasure. She definitely
knew something was up, but she wasn’t saying anything. I couldn’t help but
wonder why.
“That actually reminds me why I’m here this morning,” she began, and
I held my breath, awaiting her explanation. It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet,
and she was standing in Vance’s Kitchen. She must’ve stopped on her way
to the shop. “I’ve finally got my new part-time employee trained and can
start watching Charlie on Tuesdays again.” My stomach dipped, and my
heart ached. I would have to give up one of my days with Charlie now. I
had gotten used to seeing her more days than not, and now I’d lose that
extra day. I wouldn’t be able to take her to therapy and get ice cream after
which had become our routine. Sadness washed over me as I mourned that
time with my daughter.
But Vivian wasn’t done ruining my morning yet. “I also brought this,”
she announced, shoving her hand into the oversized bag slung over her
shoulder. She pulled out a brochure of some kind, but I was too far away to
make out what was on it before she handed it to Vance.
“What’s this?” Vance asked, turning it over. He read the front of it
aloud. “First Years Prep. Virginia’s top learning center for preschool and
beyond.” My stomach sank. Was she trying to push me out of Charlie’s life
completely?
Vance lifted his gaze to his mother, brow pinched in confusion. “Why
would I need this? I—” he began, then cleared his throat before continuing,
“we have Delilah,” he explained. I didn’t miss his slip up, but Vivian didn’t
seem to notice.
“Well, yes, of course,” she crooned, placatingly. “But Charlie will be
starting school next fall. She needs to become reacclimated to the
traditional classroom setting.” Vance opened his mouth for a rebuttal, but
she beat him to the punch. “She can still watch Charlie,” she said in a rush,
motioning to me, and Vance snapped his mouth shut. “They have a half-day
program. You could drop her off in the morning on your way to work, and
Delilah could pick her up at noon,” she explained, and I could see Vance
warming to the idea. “On her days,” Vivian added, nodding to me. I gritted
my teeth against the argument forming on my tongue. It wasn’t enough for
her to take a full day with Charlie away from me. Now she wanted to steal
our mornings too. We loved that time together.
“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Vance mused, and my head snapped
up. He studied the brochure as though he was considering it, and the sharp
sting of betrayal speared through my chest. He knew how important my
time was with Charlie. How could he be okay with this?
“This would help her get used to being in a classroom again and allow
her to interact with her peers without it being too overwhelming since she’d
only be there a few hours,” he continued. He looked up to me, and I relaxed
my features so he wouldn’t sense my distress. “What do you think?” he
asked, easing the sting just a tad. He was asking for my opinion.
I wanted to scream a resounding “hell no,” but I couldn’t. Vivian
already disliked me, and Vance thought it was a good idea. If I disagreed
with them, it would make me look like I was trying to keep Charlie to
myself. As I mulled it over, I realized it could be beneficial to her, but I
worried she wasn’t ready. She’d made great strides with me, but the last
time they tried to send her to preschool, it ended disastrously.
I swallowed thickly and forced a smile before replying. “I think it could
possibly be good for Charlie.” The words tasted like poison on my tongue,
but I had to remember this wasn’t about me. I wanted what was best for
Charlie. “However, I worry she will run into the same problems as before.
Perhaps they’ll let her try it out on a trial basis,” I offered hopefully.
“I’m sure we could talk to them and explain the situation and see if
that’s an option,” Vance offered, shifting his gaze from me to his mother.
“When would she start?”
“They have a student who’s moving away next month and said Charlie
could take his spot. This late in the year they don’t normally have openings,
and the children on their waiting list have opted for other schools by now. It
was pure luck they had a spot opening up.” I eyed her skeptically,
wondering if she pulled some strings to make this happen. She and Vance’s
father were active in the community and quite well off. It wouldn’t surprise
me if she made a “donation” to the school to get Charlie accepted.
“I’ll give them a call when I get to the office and see about doing a tour.
Do you want to join us?” he asked and at first, I thought he was talking to
Vivian, but I looked up to find him watching me expectantly.
“Yes,” I blurted out, eyes widening at my excited tone. “Of course,” I
added more calmly, appreciating the inclusion. Vivian’s expression
morphed from disbelief to affronted, and I secretly celebrated the small
victory.
“Great, I’ll set it up.”
Vivian all but harrumphed as she tried to hide her disappointment. Her
features softened when Vance placed a kiss to the top of her head and bid
her goodbye.
He offered me an awkward “see you later” before heading out the door,
leaving me alone with his mother. She waved him off as he pulled out of the
driveway and onto the road. Then she turned to me, the adoring smile
falling from her face as her lip curled with disgust.
“Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing with my son?” She spat,
and I drew back, shocked. I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off.
“Don’t try to deny it either. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, and
I’ve driven by when your car has been parked in the driveway on a
Saturday night when it didn’t have any business being here. You should be
ashamed of yourself.”
Stunned, I drew back as though she had slapped me.
“His wife, your own flesh and blood hasn’t even been gone a year, and
already you’ve moved in on her husband. He’s grieving and vulnerable, and
you took advantage of that.”
“That’s not wha—” I began attempting to defend myself, but she threw
up a hand, interrupting me again.
“I don’t know what your motives are: whether you’re looking for a man
to take care of you and keep paying your bills, or if you’re trying to get
Charlie back. But I can tell you one thing for certain, you will never replace
Sarah in either of their eyes.”
“I’m not trying to—”
“And for the record,” she snapped, her face twisting into a sneer, “you
aren't good enough for my son. You never will be,” she declared, turning on
her heel and walking out the door, leaving me standing there speechless.
Was that really what she thought of me? That I had pursued Vance for
my own personal gain? That I was trying to replace Sarah? Nobody could
replace Sarah, not in Charlie’s heart or Vance’s. I wasn’t merely a clone of
my cousin, a second-rate version of her, and I was tired of being made to
feel like I was.
I decided I didn’t care what Vivian thought. She could like me or hate
me, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
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V ance
D elilah was unusually quiet as we ate dinner . H er normal jovial
mood and playful banter were noticeably absent, and I worried she was
upset about this morning. She seemed hesitant at first when I asked her
opinion about the new preschool, but she didn’t voice any objections.
Maybe she wasn’t comfortable saying anything in front of my mom since it
was her idea. Now I wondered if I should’ve talked to Delilah about it
before agreeing to check it out. I hadn’t considered how sending Charlie to
preschool would affect her. How could I have been so thoughtless?
If she was worried that she wouldn’t get to see Charlie as much, there
was an easy solution for that. She could simply spend more time with her
outside of her usual working hours. However, if she had other concerns, I
wanted to hear them before I committed to anything. It wasn’t too late to
back out. The tour I’d scheduled for next week could be postponed or even
canceled.
“Hey,” I said softly, hooking a finger under her chin once she was
finished packing away leftovers. Charlie was playing in the other room, so
it was just the two of us. “Is everything okay?”
She nodded but averted her gaze. “I’m just tired,” she claimed, offering
me a weak smile.
“Delilah, talk to me. Whatever is on your mind, you can be honest with
me.” She bit down on her lip as a look of contemplation flashed over her
features. “If you’re upset about the preschool, we can talk about it. Nothing
is set in stone. If you have concerns, I want to know.” She let out a relieved
breath, and her shoulders slumped.
“I just—” she began, her eyes falling shut as she searched for the right
words. “I’m worried. She had such a hard time before. I’m afraid it will be
the same thing all over again, but I’m also afraid if we don’t try now, she’ll
end up having the same issues when she goes to kindergarten.” Her blue
eyes shimmered with concern, her dark brows knitting together. “Plus,” she
began, glancing away as though ashamed, “I will miss out on that time we
usually spend together.”
I reached up and brushed away a rogue lock of her hair before cupping
her face and forcing her to look at me. “You can see her any time you
want,” I asserted. “You are not limited to only the days you watch her.” Her
gaze searched mine as she soaked up my meaning. She was always
welcome here, but apparently, I hadn’t made that clear before. Now there
was no question.
“Thank you,” she said and leaned into me, resting her cheek on my
chest as my arms came around her.
With that out of the way, we spent the evening discussing all the pros
and cons of sending Charlie to preschool and decided to give it a try. I was
worried that changing her routine would hinder her progress, but Delilah
argued that the progress she’d already made could be the key to helping her
transition smoothly to a new setting. She also suggested that we talk to
Charlie about it first and show her pictures of the school so she could
become familiar with it and not feel so overwhelmed.
To my surprise, Charlie beamed with excitement when we sat her down
the next day and told her all about it. I let her see the brochure Mom gave
me and pulled up the school’s website on my phone.
When we arrived for our tour the following week, she ran right to the
front door and bounced on the balls of her feet until we were buzzed in. We
were greeted by the program director who gave us the tour. They were open
and friendly and answered all our questions. The school seemed like a great
fit for Charlie.
“Well, what do you think, munchkin?” I asked, crouching so I was at
eye level with Charlie. We were on the playground letting her explore while
we talked to the director and Charlie’s potential new teacher.
“I love it,” she chirped excitedly. “Can I go down the slide again?”
“Of course. Just a couple more times, then we have to go back inside,
okay?” She nodded emphatically even though she had no intention of
stopping after a couple. Nine trips down the slide later and I was signing the
final enrollment form.
Charlie was asleep before we made it back home. She didn’t nap much
these days, but being in the car always lulled her to sleep. After tucking her
into her bed, I went downstairs to grab my laptop and bag. I’d only taken a
half day off work and planned to head to the office as soon as I dropped
Charlie and Delilah off, but when I entered the kitchen, I halted in my
tracks. The sight in front of me was too good to be true.
Delilah stood at the island, a mixing bowl in her hands. She had pulled
her long, dark, tresses into a high, messy bun, exposing her slender neck.
Her blazer lay draped over the back of a chair, leaving her in just a silky
tank top and curve hugging dark jeans. That wasn’t even the best part. It
was the vintage style apron with its flared skirt and ruffles at the bust that
did it for me. The front pocket read “Kiss the Chef” and I planned to do just
that.
Noticing my appreciative gaze, she pinched the fabric on the skirt of her
apron and did a little curtsy. “What do you think?” she asked, looking down
at herself. Her eyes lifted to mine when I took a step toward her, and she
swallowed hard as she took in my heated gaze.
“I’d like it better if there was nothing underneath it,” I confessed, low
and husky, before I roughly pulled her to me. My lips crashed down on hers
as I claimed her mouth and wrapped my arms around her, pressing every
solid inch of my body against hers. She moaned into my kiss when my
fingers gripped the back of her neck, holding her to me possessively. Lifting
the front of her apron, I flicked open the top button on her jeans. A vague
pounding sound echoed in my ears, and I wondered at how quickly my
pulse had picked up.
My tongue tangled with hers as I drew her zipper down, ready to plunge
my fingers inside her panties. The lyrical chime of my doorbell drew me
from my haze, and I broke our kiss. The pounding returned, and I realized it
wasn’t my heart but someone knocking on the front door. I cursed under my
breath and released Delilah.
“Who the hell could that be?” I growled, and Delilah gave me a
sheepish look.
“That would be Emily,” she said, untying the apron and tossing it onto
the counter. She quickly zipped and buttoned her pants before dashing
toward the door.
“Emily?” I asked, confused, but she was already out of the kitchen and
heading for the foyer. Shit. I adjusted myself, hiding my raging hard-on
before following after her.
Delilah swung the door open to reveal my sister-in-law standing on my
front porch. “Hey!” she greeted us cheerily. Emily stepped inside, and
Delilah pulled her into a hug.
“Heaven’s sake, what took you so long?” she chided playfully. “I’ve
been pounding on that door for five minutes straight,” she claimed in an
exaggerated manner.
“No, you haven’t,” Delilah returned with a chuckle and eye roll. It was
refreshing to witness their banter. After Delilah revealed the truth behind
Charlie’s paternity, she confessed that she lost touch with Emily after
pushing her away. They’d been close growing up. Emily was only a year
older than Delilah and at one point, they were inseparable. After Charlie
was born, she shut everybody out, including Emily.
Over the years, regret consumed her and the more time that passed, the
less hope there was of mending their relationship. That was until tragedy
brought them back together. Since they reconnected, it was like no time had
passed at all, despite their long estrangement. They picked up right where
they left off.
“Hey, Vance,” Emily said, finally taking notice of me. She gave me a
quick hug, and I wrapped my free arm around her.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, attempting to sound casual. I didn’t
know she was coming over, but Delilah was clearly expecting her. She
mouthed a silent “sorry” as I peered at her over Emily’s shoulder.
“I came to spend some time with Charlie,” she explained, pulling away.
“And Delilah is going to help me find some apartments to look at.”
“My friend Melody sent me some listings to check out,” Delilah
announced. I hadn’t met any of Delilah’s friends—for obvious reasons—but
she talked about them a lot. I remembered her mentioning Melody was a
real estate agent, and since Emily had recently moved back, it made sense
that she’d have her friend help Emily find her own place. She was currently
living with her parents, but she didn’t want to be there long term. She was
used to living on her own.
Regardless, I was glad she was back. Darla and Jim needed her. They
needed to be close to their remaining daughter. I hoped having her home
would help them mend their broken hearts.
I swallowed hard at that thought, an ache settling in my chest. “I’d
better get going. Good luck with your search,” I offered, smiling through
the pain. It still hurt to think about Sarah, but the pain lessened a little more
each day. I suspected Delilah had a lot to do with that.
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D elilah
I t was the S aturday after T hanksgiving , and everyone was putting
up their Christmas decorations. The park where Charlie had her playdates
was unveiling a new Christmas light display tonight. They went all out
every year. You could stroll through the park with a cup of hot chocolate
warming your hands or cruise around the outside in your car. The weather
was mild, so the three of us planned to don our jackets and brave the crowd
so Charlie could see all the displays. Vance and I were going to pick her up
from Darla’s. She'd spent the night with her grandparents last night, so I
stayed over at Vance’s and we had the house all to ourselves.
I slipped on a sweater and my favorite jeans and stepped into my kneehigh boots. They were comfortable and warm, making them perfect for a
walk around the park. I applied a dab of perfume on my pulse points and
finished the look off with some jewelry. Clasping my favorite necklace
behind my neck, I slung my jacket over my arm and headed downstairs.
I was in the living room when Vance came downstairs, freshly showered
and dressed for the evening. He looked hotter than any man had a right to in
a simple outfit of jeans and a Henley. My stomach dipped at the sight of
him scrunching the sleeves of his shirt up his lean, tan forearms. It didn’t
matter how many times I had this man, I never stopped wanting him. He
sauntered over to me with a lazy grin, his gaze dropping from my face to
the subtle cleavage exposed by my V-neck. The smile fell from my lips, and
a dark expression washed over his features.
“Take that off,” he demanded, pointing to my chest. At first I thought he
was talking about my shirt and normally, that would send a thrill right
through me, but his tone was laced with fury, not lust. Something was
wrong.
“Wh-what? Why?” I glanced down my body, trying to figure out what
was wrong with my outfit. Lifting my gaze, I stumbled back a step at the
rage burning in his eyes.
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” he seethed.
“I-I don’t know what—”
“How could you do this?”
“Do what?” I asked, confusion turning to irritation. What does he think I
did?
“Steal Sarah’s necklace!”
Stunned disbelief had me shaking my head. “I didn’t. This is mine,” I
declared, clutching the silver charm dangling from its chain.
“Like hell it is!” he roared, gripping my arm. He pulled me toward the
mantle where a framed photo of his family sat. I swallowed hard as I took
in the picture. Charlie looked to be about three, so it must’ve been taken last
fall before Sarah’s tragic passing. Reluctantly, I shifted my focus to my
cousin, and a sharp ache settled in my chest as I studied her face, so much
like mine it was almost like looking into a mirror. My gaze fell from her
beaming smile to the necklace that hung around her neck. The familiar
twisted teardrop charm lined with tiny gems and one round diamond nestled
in the center rested against her chest. It was the exact same necklace I was
wearing now.
A wave of nausea rolled through me, and I nearly doubled over at the
sensation. He thought I’d taken a piece of Sarah’s jewelry. I would never
dream of stepping foot inside the bedroom he shared with her without his
knowledge or permission, let alone take something that belonged to Sarah.
My grandmother had given me the necklace as a Christmas gift just
before she passed a few years ago, and I’d cherished it ever since. It was the
last gift she'd ever given me. She must’ve given Sarah the same one.
“Vance, let me explain.” I held up my hands pleadingly, but he cut me
off.
“No. You had no right to touch her things!”
“I didn’t,” I cried. “This is my necklace!” Tears stung the backs of my
eyes. There was no reasoning with him. He was convinced I'd taken it, and I
wouldn’t be able to change his mind.
“Dear God,” he whispered, the color draining from his face. “You’re
trying to replace her, aren’t you?” Pain sliced through me at the accusation.
“What? No! I would never—”
“Has that been your plan all along? Was it just about me, or was this
some sick, twisted attempt to get Charlie back?”
“Vance, listen to me,” I began, begging for him to think rationally as my
heart slowly cracked open. How could he think that?
“You’re not going to take her from me.”
“I’m not trying to. I swear.”
“And you will never replace Sarah.” A sob ripped from my throat. His
mother’s words from weeks ago ricocheted in my head. You will never
replace Sarah. You aren’t good enough for my son. You never will be.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as he stared at me like I was a stranger.
Like he didn’t know me at all. And I realized, he didn’t. If he thought I was
capable of doing what he accused me of, then he never really knew me at
all. And I apparently didn’t know him either.
“You need to leave,” he said, his expression turning to stone.
“Vance.” My voice was weak, all the fight dissolving from my body.
“Now,” he demanded, his tone low and menacing, brokering no
argument.
With tears streaming down my face, I ran out to my car and got inside.
My hands shook, my vision blurring as I tried to put my key in the ignition.
It took several tries, but when the engine finally roared to life, I let out a
relieved sob. I needed to get out of here and away from him. With each
passing mile the crack in my heart grew until finally it was split in half.
I was in love with the wrong man. It was an act of twisted fate that I’d
fallen for my dead cousin’s husband. And now that he believed I’d stolen
from him, I might never get to see my daughter again.
How could he think I’d do something so sneaky and callous? He clearly
wasn’t over Sarah’s death—which was completely understandable—nor
was he in any way ready to move on. We’d rushed into things, and now my
heart was paying the price.
My mom was pulling an apple pie from the oven when I burst through
the front door, my tear-stained face and swollen eyes red and puffy. The
scent of baked apples and cinnamon that usually put me at ease did little to
comfort me.
“Delilah,” Mom’s worried voice called as I sprinted up the stairs. I
ignored her and went straight to my room. But she wasn’t far behind.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” I couldn’t answer her. I couldn’t breathe. My
lungs wouldn’t draw in air. I was going to suffocate.
“Delilah, you’re scaring me. Is everything okay?”
I turned to face her, and she gasped, taking in my red rimmed eyes and
look of anguish. “No,” I squeaked out and shook my head.
Then I proceeded to tell her everything. From the night I broke up with
Chad to the party where it all happened. From falling for Vance and starting
a secret relationship with him to the moment he shattered my heart to
pieces. Through gut-wrenching sobs and broken sentences, I laid it all at her
feet.
Her eyes matched mine when all was said and done. She sat cross
legged with me on my bed, held me when I cried, and murmured soothing
words against my hair as I fell apart. But looking at her now, she looked just
as spent as I felt. The moment I told her about Chad’s assault, she went
white as a ghost and covered her mouth as sobs wracked her body.
“There were moments after you moved back that I wondered if there
was more to the story, but I couldn’t let myself believe it. I just kept
thinking you would tell me if something was wrong. I was naive and buried
my head in the sand.” She winced as guilt and remorse washed over her
features.
“It’s not your fault. I shut everybody out.”
“I’m your mom. I should’ve known. At the very least, I should have
asked.”
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V ance
M y heart was racing , blood pounding in my ears from the
confrontation with Delilah. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to take
Sarah’s necklace. When had she gone into my room to get it? Did she really
think I wouldn’t notice she was wearing my dead wife’s jewelry? She was
seriously demented if that was what she thought.
“Fuck!” I roared and raked my hands through my hair. How did I let this
happen?
I needed to gather myself and calm down before I went to pick up
Charlie from Darla’s. She was going to ask where Delilah was, but I didn’t
know what to tell her. She would be so disappointed Delilah wouldn’t be
with us to see the Christmas lights, but I couldn’t have her around us right
now.
I went to the mantle and studied the picture of my family. Sarah left a
hole in our lives, one that could never be filled. Had that been Delilah’s
goal all along? To take Sarah’s place? The moment I saw her standing there
wearing that necklace, looking so much like Sarah it hurt, my mother’s
concerns about Delilah’s intentions echoed in my mind. She’d been right all
along.
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I drew in a deep breath. “What the
hell am I supposed to do?” I asked into the empty house, hoping for a sign.
I closed my eyes and hung my head, waiting in vain for an answer. All I
could see was the wounded look on Delilah’s face and the devastation
shining in her eyes. She played her part well; I’d give her that. She had
become so enmeshed in our lives, I no longer questioned her intentions. I
even included her in decisions regarding Charlie, letting the fact that she
was Charlie’s biological mom cloud my judgment. I trusted her, and she
broke that trust when she went into my room and took something that
belonged to my wife, the wife she knew I was still mourning.
That’s what I get for sleeping with the nanny.
Shit, what was I going to do about a nanny now? Charlie was still going
to preschool half a day, but I’d need someone to pick her up three days a
week. I wasn’t about to let Delilah come back after what she’d done.
Maybe my mom could help me out for a bit until I figured out
something else. But that meant I had to tell her what happened. She already
didn’t care for Delilah and had voiced her concerns. I hadn’t heeded her
warning, and now I was paying the price.
I headed to Darla’s with the weight of Delilah’s betrayal weighing
heavy on my shoulders. I needed to hold my daughter, to feel the
reassurance of her presence. No one would ever take her from me.
“Come on in, hun,” Darla greeted when she opened the door. “Charlie,
your daddy’s here,” she called into the house. My little girl came careening
around the corner, and I bent to scoop her up as she dove into my arms.
“I missed you, munchkin,” I croon, holding onto her tightly. I choked
back the emotion clogging my throat and blinked away the burning in my
eyes. The events from earlier had me tied in knots, the prospect of Delilah
taking Charlie from me igniting a fear I’d never known.
“I missed you too,” she proclaimed, and some of the tension eased out
of me. She pulled away and looked over my shoulder expectantly. “Where’s
Delilah?” she asked, and I fought to school my features.
“She, um, well,” I began, not knowing how to answer. I should’ve
prepared better for this, come up with a viable excuse on the drive over, but
I’d been too lost in my thoughts. “She wasn’t able to come.” It was a lame
explanation, but I didn’t know what else to say. Your nanny is a fraud who
was just trying to replace your mother, and I had to kick her out of my
house was a little too harsh to tell a four-year-old.
“Why not?” she whined, and guilt prickled my skin. I’d never lied to my
daughter before, and I was loath to start now, but I didn’t see any other
choice. I couldn't tell her the truth.
“She’s not feeling well. I don’t think she’ll be around for a while.” I
hoped the warning would ease some of the pain of not being able to see
Delilah going forward.
I felt Darla’s gaze on me and looked up to see her studying my face, her
brow pinched in contemplation. She knew something was up, but I couldn’t
talk about it with her. The wound was still too raw, and I didn’t want to add
salt to hers. She was still mourning too, and I didn’t want to add to her
anguish by revealing that the woman she vouched for, the one she suggested
becoming Charlie’s nanny, had betrayed me so deeply.
Charlie let out a groan of disappointment as I helped her into her shoes.
I tried to avoid Darla’s watchful gaze when I stood, but she drew closer,
placing a hand gently on my arm.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, but I couldn’t meet her gaze. I nodded,
unable to form words, but still pushing the lie.
“Did something happen?”
“I can’t talk about it right now,” I said, keeping my voice low so Charlie
wouldn’t hear me as she slipped on her jacket.
“Okay.” She dropped her hand and stepped back, giving us enough
space to open the door and leave. The heavy feeling in my chest refused to
ease, and I rubbed my hand over the hard bone protecting my heart. Little
good it did against the woman who broke it. I was in love with someone
who didn’t exist, and now I had to mourn losing her too.
A few days later , there was a knock at my door . T he pounding grew
louder and more intense as I neared. To my surprise, it was Darla, and she
looked madder than a hornet. “What did you do?” she demanded, hands
planted on her hips when I opened the door.
“What are you—” I began to ask, but she wasn’t having it.
“I got a call from my sister last night,” she seethed, pushing past me to
step inside. I closed the door behind her with a wince. I could guess what
that call was about. “Care to explain why you treated poor Delilah the way
you did?”
Wait. What?
“Me?” I asked incredulously, pointing to myself dumbly. “She stole
Sarah’s necklace and was going to wear it on an outing with our daughter.
You should be just as horrified as I am!” Her expression turned mournful,
and I instantly regretted my words as guilt washed over me.
“I’ve known Delilah her entire life. She wouldn’t do something like
that. It was just a misunderstanding,” she insisted.
I scoffed, “Is that what she told you?”
“She didn’t tell me anything. But her mother told me everything.” She
gave me a pointed look, and my blood ran cold. Did Debra know about us?
Was she aware that I’d been sleeping with her daughter for the past three
months? Worse, did Darla know? I looked like the world’s biggest asshole
at the moment.
“Darla, I—”
“Don’t,” she warned, her eyes shutting briefly as she gathered her
composure. “I don’t need to know your reasoning. It’s none of my business
who you … choose to spend your time with,” she added, choosing her
words carefully. My stomach twisted with shame. All the remorse I felt
when Delilah and I began our relationship came flooding back, suffocating
me under its unrelenting weight. “But it is my business when you hurt
someone I love.” Her chin quivered, and tears misted in her eyes. I couldn’t
imagine the pain and grief this was stirring up for her. I didn’t want to add
to her pain, but I wouldn’t sugarcoat the truth for her either. Delilah was her
family, and she loved her, but that didn’t change what she had done.
“She stole Sarah’s necklace,” I repeated, my voice softening.
“No, she didn’t,” Darla insisted, shaking her head, her defeated tone
matching mine.
“How can you say that?”
“Because my mother gave Delilah the same necklace.”
My stomach sank as cold dread curled in my chest. “What?”
“She had a habit of buying all the girls in the family the same thing at
Christmas. Emily has the same necklace and so does my brother’s daughter,
Katelyn,” she explained, her eyes filling with compassion. “That’s what
I’ve been trying to tell you. I knew Delilah didn’t take Sarah’s necklace
because she has the same one.”
“So why can’t I find it?” I challenged, grasping at any reason to keep
Delilah as the villain in this story. If what Darla was saying was true, then I
had to face the reality that I’d fucked up majorly. I would have to
acknowledge the fact that I had no grounds for the accusations I’d hurled at
Delilah and that I’d hurt an innocent woman.
“I searched through Sarah’s jewelry box that day, just in case I was
wrong. I turned my room upside down looking for that damn necklace, but
it was nowhere to be found.” When I couldn’t find it, I was so sure I’d been
justified in doing what I'd done. Now I worried I’d been wrong this whole
time.
“I don’t know the answer to that. Perhaps it was lost or misplaced. What
I do know is that Delilah didn’t do this. You owe her an apology.”
With that, she turned on her heel and walked out. I stared after her for a
long moment, contemplating what she said. She’d planted that seed of
doubt, and now it was growing like a weed. I needed to find that damn
necklace—wanted to find it—so I could put this to rest. My heart ached
from losing another woman I loved. Maybe there was still time to fix it.
Later that night, while I tucked Charlie into bed, I could tell something
was bothering her. She wasn’t her normal cheerful self. Usually, she was all
smiles and asking for hugs and kisses, but tonight she was somber, her little
mouth turned down into a frown.
“What’s wrong, munchkin?” I asked, closing her book and placing it on
her nightstand.
She shook her head, refusing to make eye contact with me. My hackles
rose, and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
“Baby, if something’s wrong, you can tell me. I won’t be upset. I
promise.” My chest tightened with the possibilities. Was she scared of
something? Did someone hurt her? Knots formed in my stomach at the
thought.
“You promise I won’t be in trouble?” she asked, lifting those big blue
eyes to mine. They misted with unshed tears, and I swallowed thickly,
nodding my head.
“I did something bad.” Her little voice filled with remorse.
She didn’t continue, so I gently brushed the hair from her face and
asked, “What happened?”
“I stole something.” She began to cry, sucking in several stuttering
breaths before she continued. “I heard you and Mimi talking earlier, and
you said Delilah stole Mommy’s necklace,” she began, and a wave of
nausea rolled through me. “Is that why Delilah isn’t here anymore? Because
she got in trouble?” Stunned, I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing
came out. She took my silence as confirmation, and a sob worked its way
up her throat. “It was me,'' she cried, reaching under her pillow.
She pulled out a silver chain with a glittering charm on the end. I
reached for it, and she dropped the cool metal into my hand. My fist closed
around it, and I refused to look at it for several long seconds, afraid it would
confirm what I already knew.
“Shh,” I soothed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “You didn’t do
anything wrong. Anything that was Mommy’s is yours now. You can have
anything you want.”
“But you said—”
“Don’t worry about what I said to Mimi. That was different. Mommy’s
things are your things. Maybe just tell me next time. Okay?”
She nodded and rubbed the back of her hand across her nose. “So, I’m
not in trouble?”
“No, sweetie. You’re not in trouble.”
“What about Delilah? Is she still in trouble?” I took a deep breath,
trying to calm my racing heart.
“No. Delilah isn’t in trouble.”
But I sure as hell was.
Once Charlie was finally settled down and had fallen asleep, I walked
down the hall to my bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. My hand was
still fisted around the necklace, and now that I was alone, I needed to make
myself look. Turning over my hand, I unfurled my fingers. The air
whooshed out of me, and I bit back a sob.
There, resting against my palm was the necklace I’d accused Delilah of
stealing. My stomach tightened as regret speared through my chest. What
had I done?
And how the hell was I going to fix it?
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D elilah
M y eyes were finally dry for the first time in days , since V ance
stomped my heart into the ground. Despite the hurtful accusations he threw
my way, I missed him. I missed Charlie more. When Vance kicked me out
of his house, it was clear I wouldn’t be welcome back.
Mom was at work, and Declan was back at school after fall break, so I
had the house to myself. I could mope without an audience.
Curling up on the couch with my fuzzy blanket and a cup of coffee, I
mindlessly flipped through the channels on the TV until I landed on a true
crime documentary. Nothing like murder and mayhem to mend a broken
heart.
It was just getting to the part where detectives had enough evidence to
make an arrest when there was a knock at the front door. Assuming it was a
delivery—my mom ordered everything online these days—I set down my
cup and leisurely strode to the door. There was a second, more urgent
knock, and I rolled my eyes. They must need a signature for this one.
“Coming,” I sing-songed.
Cold air whipped across my face when I threw open the door. My breath
caught in my throat at the sight in front of me. It wasn’t our delivery man. It
was Vance.
His name left me on a stuttered breath. He gazed up at me, his haunted
eyes rimmed by dark circles, his face twisted with anguish.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, too stunned to move.
“I…” he began, his voice shaky. Clearing his throat, he continued. “Can
I come in?” I wanted to scream at him and slam the door in his face, but I
stayed rooted to the spot.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I replied instead. He nodded as
though he understood my hesitation. He had no idea.
“Delilah,” he said, his voice pained. “I-I owe you an apology. I was a
bastard this weekend. You didn’t deserve that.”
My eyes widened in disbelief. I didn’t know what I expected him to say,
but I certainly couldn’t have predicted that.
“I accused you of some pretty terrible things,” he continued. “And I was
wrong. So damn wrong.”
“Why did you say those things?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“I thought you were wearing Sarah’s necklace. I believed you’d gone
into our room and taken it.”
“I told you I didn’t do that. Why didn’t you believe me?”
“I don’t know. But I believe you now. I’m so sorry.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you believe me now?” I doubted he suddenly had an epiphany
and realized I wasn’t a thief and imposter.
He glanced away, shame washing over his features. “Because I found
the necklace.”
“I see.” My word hadn’t been good enough. He was so willing to
believe the worst of me, he needed evidence to prove my innocence.
“I know I hurt you, and I can’t take that back, but I’d like the chance to
make it up to you.”
Anger swelled in my chest, burning me from the inside. “Make it up to
me? You accused me of trying to replace your dead wife.” He winced at my
words, but I kept going. I wasn’t out to hurt him, but I needed to be clear
why I couldn’t overlook what he’d done, how he’d destroyed me. “You
thought I stole her jewelry as though I was trying to assume her identity.
Even worse, you thought I did all that to try to take Charlie from you. You
are the only father she’s ever known. You’ve given her a happy, healthy,
stable home. I would never try to take that from her!”
“I know. I’m sorry! There’s no excuse for what I’ve done to you.” Tears
welled in his eyes, and I almost broke at the sight. “You’ve been the light in
my darkest days. I wouldn’t have survived the last eleven months without
you. Please, come back.”
“I can’t,” I said, fighting back a sob. It hurt to deny him. I’d fallen for
him so completely, it was like ripping my heart out to refuse him.
“Delilah,” he said, taking a step toward me and covering his heart, “I’m
in lo—”
“Don’t! Don’t say that.” He was about to tell me he was in love with
me. After tearing my character to shreds and making me feel like an
imposter, that was the last thing I wanted to hear from him.
“I’m tired of being a poor man’s substitute for the woman you really
want. And I won’t let anyone treat me like their backup plan anymore. I
deserve to be someone’s first choice.”
“It’s not like that,” he said, taking another step toward me. Another step
and he’d be within reach. Two more and he’d be right in front of me. He
closed the distance, jaw set and eyes blazing with fiery determination. “It
was never like that with you.” His hand came up to cup my face, and I
closed my eyes as tears spilled over my lashes. I fought the urge to lean into
him, to melt into his touch. Regaining my strength, I pulled away.
“The words you spoke in anger were the silent thoughts you never gave
voice to.” I couldn’t look at him directly, or I would lose my resolve, so I
stared down at his feet. “I’ve worked for years on regaining my self-respect,
learning to love myself again. And I won’t jeopardize that for a man who
thinks so little of me.”
“I don’t,” he proclaimed, and my gaze flashed to him, fury at his
obvious lies licking up my spine. “I’ll admit, I did at first. Before you came
to work for me, I questioned your motives. I worried that you would try to
take Charlie from me now that Sarah was gone, but when I got to know
you, I realized that wasn’t the case. I realized what a kind, selfless, beautiful
person you are. And in the heat of the moment, when I saw you wearing
that necklace, I forgot everything I knew about you. I am so very sorry for
it.”
“I can forgive you. It will take time, but one day, it won’t feel like you
tore my heart out and stomped it into the ground. But I can’t be with you.”
A sob ripped from my throat at the declaration. “And I don’t think you’re
ready to be with anyone. We rushed into things, and I think that was our
downfall.” Guilt settled in my gut like a lead weight. I was partially to
blame for it. I’d pushed him. I’d wanted his hungry looks. I yearned for him
to touch me, to kiss me, to make me forget that another man’s hands had
ever grazed my skin. Even when he tried to resist the temptation, I fought
for his attention and look where that got us. “You need time to grieve and
heal before you can give your heart to someone else.”
“I don’t want to give it to anyone else.” His voice was barely above a
whisper. I didn’t respond. I’d said what I needed to say. It went against my
nature not to try to comfort him, but this was best for both of us. He needed
to work through the loss of his wife, and I needed to put myself first for
once.
His watery gaze lifted to mine. “What about Charlie?” The ache in my
chest nearly stole my breath, and my knees almost gave out. I had to grip
the door frame to keep from losing my balance.
“I hope you’ll let me stay in her life. She means the world to me.” I was
on the verge of sobbing when he cut in.
“I will. I won’t keep her from you even if you don’t want to see me,” he
promised. “We’ll work something out.”
I nodded, unable to form words, as relief washed over me.
“Goodbye, Delilah,” he said finally, his face awash in sorrow as he
shoved his hands into his pockets and walked off the porch. I couldn't speak
past the emotion clogging my throat. I simply watched as he got in his car
and left. As he pulled away, the heart I thought couldn’t possibly break any
more completely dissolved until it was nothing but dust.
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V ance
D elilah was right . A s much as I hated to admit it , I hadn ’ t taken
the time to properly grieve Sarah’s death. I was lonely and devastated and
needed a reprieve from the pain, even if it was temporary, and she’d been a
soothing balm to the deep ache left by the loss of my wife. That didn’t
negate my feelings for Delilah, but I came to her a broken man. I wasn’t
whole, and I needed to put myself back together before I could love
someone the way they deserved.
Before I could love Delilah the way she deserved.
I’d hurt her deeply, but I still held out hope that one day we could try
again. It took losing her to realize just how much I cared about her.
But for now, I needed to focus on myself and my daughter. She missed
Delilah, and it was up to me to find a way for her to stay in Charlie’s life.
With Darla and Emily’s help, we came up with a plan to keep Charlie and
Delilah connected without the complication that came with us seeing each
other. Charlie would continue to go to preschool half a day. Delilah would
pick her up three days a week like usual, but instead of going straight home,
they would go to my in-laws’ house where Delilah would watch her until
Darla got home from work, and I’d pick her up there.
My mother would get her from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays as
usual. To my surprise, she was less than thrilled about this new
arrangement.
“You’re just going to let her back into your lives?” she huffed,
annoyance tinging her words.
“Mom, I told you, it was all a misunderstanding.” She knew the full
extent of everything that had happened, so I couldn’t understand why she
still didn’t want Delilah around.
“I don’t care,” she spat, her normally composed demeanor cracking.
“That girl,” she sneered, “isn’t good enough for you. She will never replace
Sarah. And I made sure she knew it,” she added beneath her breath, gritting
her teeth.
“You did what?” I asked, taking a step toward her. Her gaze snapped to
mine, eyes rounded in shock. She clearly hadn’t intended for me to hear that
last part.
“I-I…” she stuttered as she scrambled for an excuse. “I was just trying
to protect you and Charlie. I didn’t trust Delilah. It was all too convenient
for her to show back up after Sarah died, and I could tell something was
going on between you two. You were grieving,” she cried, her tone growing
more frantic and defensive. “She took advantage of you. She knew she
looked like Sarah and could reel you in. She was trying to sink her claws
into you!”
“How could you?” My voice rose to a point I had never dared use
toward my mother. My heart pounded a furious rhythm as my blood heated
with anger. “Do you have any idea how delusional you sound?” Her mouth
opened and closed like a fish out of water. There was nothing she could say
to justify her actions. She’d gone behind my back, meddled in my life, and
hurt the woman I loved.
“You hurt her in the cruelest way possible. Even worse, I let your
suspicions cloud my judgment, and I made the biggest mistake of my life!”
I shoved my hands through my hair, pulling on the ends until my scalp
stung. No wonder Delilah had looked so wounded by my accusations. She’d
already heard them from my mother. This woman, who’d endured more
than anyone should have to in a lifetime, continued to suffer at my hands
and the hands of my family. No more. It would never happen again.
“One day,” I began, my voice low and determined, “I will prove myself
to her again and win her heart. And when that happens, you will treat her
with nothing but respect. And if you can’t do that, you will no longer be
welcome in our lives.” I turned to walk away but drew up short. There was
one last thing I would demand, and it was non-negotiable. “You owe her an
apology.”
C harlie loved our new arrangement since she got to spend time
with Delilah and her grandparents with frequent visits from her Aunt Emily.
It worked out great since Darla usually made dinner, and Charlie got a
home cooked meal. Soon I began staying and eating dinner with them too.
It was nice to have the company, and Darla and Jim enjoyed having us
there. They missed Sarah and had been just as lonely as I had following her
passing, and I realized I should’ve made more of an effort to see them over
the last year. They were my family too, and I’d practically shut them out
during the time we all needed each other most. That was something I was
working on rectifying immediately.
At Darla’s urging, I began grief counseling. She’d been going for some
time, and after hearing how it had helped her, I was willing to give it a try.
We were approaching our first Christmas without Sarah, and soon after
would mark a year she’d been gone. We were all feeling the melancholy of
the approaching holiday without her. And to be honest, it was past time for
me to do something about it.
Delilah and I communicated via text occasionally, but it was strictly
limited to correspondence regarding Charlie. I longed to tell her how much
I missed her and that I wanted to see her, but I respected her wishes. When
she agreed to our new arrangement, I promised to keep all our
conversations about Charlie and assured her that we wouldn’t see each
other. I didn’t pick up Charlie before Darla got home, even if I got out of
work early. Sometimes, if that happened, I parked across the street and
waited for Delilah to leave just so I could see her even if it was only for a
brief moment as she walked to her car. I missed her more than words could
express, but I was determined not to cross that line.
The only time I broke our rule was on Christmas morning. I snapped a
photo of Charlie sitting by the tree surrounded by presents with the caption
“Merry Christmas.” Three little dots appeared, and I held my breath
awaiting her reply. They disappeared, then came back, but were gone again.
Dejected, I set my phone aside and smiled through my disappointment as
Charlie tore into her gifts. A while later, I grabbed my phone to take more
pictures, and there was a message from Delilah. My heart stuttered in my
chest, and I held my breath as I unlocked the screen.
D elilah : M erry C hristmas ! G ive C harlie
a hug for me .
A fter dinner at my in - laws , I texted D elilah once more to let her
know Charlie was spending the night with her grandparents and that I
would be at home if she wanted to visit with Charlie. She immediately
texted me back with a “thank you.” When I picked Charlie up the next
morning, she was loaded down with new presents. On the drive home, she
chattered excitedly about getting to see Delilah and how much she loved the
gifts. I was simultaneously thankful she’d done that for my daughter and
heartbroken I hadn’t gotten to witness them together on Christmas.
On a cold morning in early January, I made the trip I’d been avoiding
for a year. The headstone was dusted with snow, the grass surrounding it
covered in frost, the knees of my jeans dampening as I knelt before it.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as the first tear slid down my cheek. There
were so many things I had to apologize for. I didn’t know where to start, but
I needed to get all my transgressions off my chest. I poured my heart out,
hoping that somehow, wherever she was, she was listening. I apologized for
that day, for the way I had talked to her and stormed out without a
backward glance. I apologized for the mistakes I had made and my
shortcomings as a husband. For not listening to her when she said I worked
too much and needed to learn how to say no when I was already
overloaded. Every wrongdoing spilled from my lips as though I were in a
confessional, baring my soul for judgment.
The one thing I didn’t seek absolution for was falling in love with
Delilah. I regretted not waiting and for rushing into a relationship with her
before my heart was ready, but I could never regret loving her. My only
regret was hurting her the way I did.
I was completely spent, the cold air stinging my damp cheeks and my
knees nearly too weak to stand when I finally pushed to my feet. Once I
was upright, a sense of peace washed over me. The weight I’d been
carrying around was notably absent. Sarah had been my partner and best
friend, the person I turned to when I needed someone to talk to. Why I’d
waited so long to come to her was a mystery, but now that I had, I felt
lighter, like the weight of my burdens was finally beginning to lift from my
shoulders.
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OceanofPDF.com
SIX MONTHS LATER…
D elilah
I twisted my shaking hands around the program as I scanned the
audience for an empty seat. Much to my dismay, it was standing room only.
I’d tried to get here sooner, but I was so nervous about seeing Vance again
that I changed my outfit four times. I finally settled on a floral sundress and
a pair of wedge sandals for Charlie’s preschool graduation, but my
indecisiveness nearly caused me to be late.
I stood off to the side along with the other latecomers, my eyes glued to
the stage as I waited for the kids to appear. Tears welled in my eyes as
Charlie made her way across the stage wearing her little white cap and
gown. A chorus of “awws” echoed through the room at the sight of these
bright young children taking their places in front of the crowd.
They sang songs and danced in place before the program director
announced their names and what each child wanted to be when they grew
up. When it was Charlie’s turn, I stepped closer, my phone at the ready to
record her big moment. I nearly dropped it when the director said Charlie
wanted to be a teacher. Fresh tears gathered on my lashes, and my heart
melted. She wanted to be like me.
Charlie caught sight of me when she reached the end of the stage and
waved excitedly. I gave her a little wave back, elated I’d caught the moment
on video. When the ceremony was over, she ran straight for me. I scooped
her up and gave her a big hug.
“Delilah, you’re here!”
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
I pressed a kiss to Charlie’s cheek, then placed her on her feet.
Crouching in front of her, I grabbed her hands and looked her in the eye. “I
am so proud of you! You did so good,” I praised. She had made so much
progress over the last year and a half. She was more than ready to start
school in the fall, and she’d come a long way emotionally too. She was no
longer the tearful little girl clutching her teddy bear. She was thriving and
happy. And according to her teachers, a little social butterfly.
“There she is.” I looked up to see Darla approaching, Emily and Jim
following close behind. She hugged Charlie, placing a kiss to the top of her
head before pulling me into her. “I wondered why she ran in the opposite
direction. Now I know.” She smiled at me tenderly as she pulled away. I
was chatting with Emily when a familiar static charge filled the air.
“Delilah.” My stomach dipped at the sound of his husky, masculine
voice, and I lifted my gaze. Vance sauntered toward me, eyes bright and full
of life. He no longer bore the haunted look I’d grown accustomed to in our
short time together. And boy did it make him even more handsome.
I gulped back my surprise before answering, “Hello Vance.”
“I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Me too,” I offered with a soft smile. Noticing Vance's parents weren’t
around, I asked if they’d been able to make it. I needed to mentally prepare
for seeing Vivian again. I hadn’t seen her since the day she berated me in
Vance’s living room.
He shook his head sadly. “They already left. Dad had surgery recently
and needed to rest, so Mom took him home.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised. I had no idea his father needed surgery. “I hope
everything is okay.”
“It is,” he assured me. “He just overdid it today, but he’ll be okay.”
Relief washed over me. I would’ve felt terrible if something bad had
happened and I hadn’t been there for him. Then I reminded myself that
we’d promised to keep our relationship professional. At the end of the day,
none of that was really any of my business.
An awkward silence settled between us as families and teachers
mingled around us. Finally remembering the surprise I had tucked inside
my purse, I reached into it and gripped the stuffed animal.
“I almost forgot,” I said, pulling out the little bear. “I got you something
special to celebrate your graduation.”
Charlie’s eyes lit up, and she drew in a gasp as I turned the bear to face
her. It had her name on one paw and the year on the other to commemorate
the occasion with a little graduation cap atop its head and a diploma gripped
in one paw. She snatched it from my hands and clutched it to her chest,
hugging it like it was her most prized possession. I sucked in a shuddering
breath as emotion welled in my chest.
“I love it!” she crooned, twisting at the waist as she squeezed it tight.
“I’m glad you like it.” She threw her arms around my middle and
hugged me nearly as tightly as she had the bear, and I let out a chuckle.
“Thank you, thank you!” she said exuberantly.
“You’re welcome, sweet pea.”
We said our goodbyes, and I melted into the crowd as everyone began
filing out, hoping to at least make it to my car before the first tear fell. I
would still be caring for Charlie over the summer, but after that, she would
go to school, and I didn’t know when or how often I’d get to see her. The
thought of slowly drifting out of her life caused a heavy ache to settle in my
chest. Surely, I could find a way to stay involved even if I wasn’t her nanny.
I was halfway across the parking lot when someone called my name
from behind. “Delilah, wait.” I turned to find Vance jogging after me, and
my heart skipped a beat. He looked so good, so healthy. His tall, broad
frame had filled out a bit, and his eyes were no longer hollow. He had a nice
tan, and his hair was perfectly tousled. He was always good looking, but
right now he was breathtaking.
Vance stopped a few feet away, his expression boyish and pensive. “I
uh, was wondering,” he began, his hand going to the back of his neck in a
nervous gesture. “Everyone is coming over for dinner to celebrate Charlie’s
graduation. I wanted to see if you’d like to join us.”
I chewed on my bottom lip as I contemplated his offer. I hadn’t been to
his house since the day he kicked me out last November. Darla had
graciously allowed us to use her home as neutral ground while I cared for
Charlie, and Vance had respected my wishes not to see him. Although, after
a couple months, I began to feel like I’d been too harsh in my demands.
After I noticed him parked across the street a few times, waiting for me to
leave so he could pick up his daughter, I wondered if it seemed as though I
was punishing him. That was never my intention. I was just trying to do
what was best for both of us. I’d almost given in and told him I could start
watching her in his home again, but it was too soon. We both needed this
time apart, him even more so than me.
Flustered by my deliberation, he took a step back and shoved his hands
in his pockets. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. Or if you have other plans. I
just thought you might want—”
“Yes,” I interrupted, attempting to put him out of his misery. “I’d love
to,” I added with a grateful smile.
“Okay,” he replied, stunned by my agreement. “We’re headed that way
now if you want to meet us there.”
I nodded, and he turned to walk away, but not before I caught sight of
the grin tugging at the corners of his lips. Butterflies took flight in my belly
as I continued walking to my car.
On the drive over, I almost chickened out and turned my car around no
less than three times. I was so nervous, I didn’t think I’d be able to eat
anything when I got there. My stomach did a somersault when I knocked on
the door, and Vance opened it, greeting me with an elated smile.
“Come in,” he offered, stepping aside to let me through. Entering the
foyer, I was inundated with a flood of emotions. My eyes instantly found
the spot where I stood the moment Vance broke my heart, and I averted my
gaze, blinking away the memory. “Everyone’s in the kitchen,” Vance
announced, pulling me from my thoughts. I followed him into the kitchen
where Darla, Jim, Emily and Charlie sat around the table. Charlie jumped
from her seat, skipped over to me, and grabbed my hand.
“Sit by me!” she insisted, dragging me to the chair next to hers. There
were only two spots left. Vance slid into the seat next to me, and my pulse
skyrocketed. His arm brushed against mine as he reached for the platter
with the pot roast and scooped a portion onto his plate. My skin tingled, and
my body hummed at the contact. His clean, masculine scent enveloped me,
and I fought the urge to lean into him.
“Do you want some?” he asked, and my eyes lifted to his. I nodded,
unable to form words as I stared up at him. He added a helping of tender
meat, potatoes, and carrots to my plate. He turned into me, his legs pressing
into the side of mine as he filled Charlie’s plate as well. He was so close, I
could have easily kissed him. Suddenly it was all I could think about. Being
this close to him again, with his body touching mine, I was a bundle of
nervous energy and suppressed need. I hadn’t been with anyone since him,
and my body chose that moment to remember that little factoid. I tried to go
on a couple dates in the months following our breakup, but it was useless.
The only man I wanted was sitting next me at this table.
Tentatively, I lifted a bite of food to my mouth and chewed. The knots
in my stomach slowly unfurled as I ate. “This is delicious,” I said as I
speared a tender carrot onto my fork. “I’ll have to get the recipe from you.”
I looked to my aunt, assuming she’d been the one to prepare the meal, but
she didn’t acknowledge me.
To my surprise, Vance was the one to reply. “Thank you. I found it
online. I’ll send you the link.”
The shock must’ve shown on my face because he chuckled and turned
to me. “I finally learned how to cook. I never realized how easy slow
cookers were to use.” Pride swelled in my chest at the man who lived off
frozen pizza and protein shakes learning to prepare a balanced meal. He’d
come a long way in the last several months. I wondered what else had
changed.
After dinner, Darla brought out a cake that had “Congrats Charlie!”
written in bubble gum pink icing and helped Charlie cut the first piece. We
were all stuffed by the time the table was cleared, and Charlie was bouncing
off the walls.
“Delilah,” she chirped excitedly, grabbing my hand, “I have to show
you something! Come to my room.” I hesitated, unsure if Vance would
want me up there. Even though I’d been exonerated of the crime he’d once
accused me of, it had been so long since I was here, I no longer felt
welcome to roam freely in his home.
I glanced up to find him watching us, a small smile playing on his lips.
My eyes met his, asking for permission, and his smile fell as a pained look
flashed across his face. He nodded and went back to drying the dish in his
hand. He’d seen the hesitation in my eyes where once I wouldn’t have
thought twice about doing as Charlie asked.
With a heaviness in my chest, I followed her upstairs to her room. She
went straight to a small wooden wardrobe that sat opposite her bed. On one
side hung frilly, brightly colored dresses. The other half housed shelves
with plastic heels and costume jewelry. There was a mirror on the outside
where she could admire herself in the outfits. It was the perfect dress-up
station for any little girl.
“Look at my pretty dresses!” She beamed as she pulled a hanger from
the rod and held it up to her body.
“I love them,” I crooned.
She spent the next half hour trying on all her dresses then walking down
the stairs like they were the Paris runway to show everybody. We clapped
excitedly, and she struck a pose every time she reached the bottom. Of
course, she deemed me her assistant, so I had to run back and forth to help
her change.
When her fashion show was over, I helped her hang up all the dresses
and organize her shoes. She slipped on her pajamas and brushed her teeth,
and I tamed her wild curls into a ponytail.
“Will you read me a bedtime story?” she asked, yawning. I looked at my
watch and realized it was almost her bedtime. I’d been here longer than
expected. Vance hadn’t come up to check on us once, and I wasn’t sure why
that surprised me. It must’ve been because the last time I was here, his
distrust of me sent me home in tears. I shook away those thoughts,
unwilling to dwell on the past.
“Which book do you want?” I asked, sinking down on the edge of her
bed.
“Madeline,” she replied, a huge grin splitting her face.
“My favorite,” I praised, pulling the book from the shelf.
“Mine too.”
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V ance
I walked D arla , J im , and E mily to the door and bid them goodbye .
The fashion show had been over for nearly twenty minutes, but Charlie and
Delilah were still upstairs. I didn’t want to interrupt their time together, so I
waited patiently in the living room for Delilah to come downstairs.
At the bottom of the staircase, she glanced around at the empty house.
“Where is everyone?”
“They left a little bit ago.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I hadn’t planned to stay so late, but Charlie wanted—”
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “She was really excited to have you here.” So
was I, I thought but kept it to myself. I didn’t want to scare her off.
“I’m glad I got to spend this time with her. Thank you.”
“Of course,” I said, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves for what I
had to say next. “You’re welcome here any time.”
Wide eyes met mine briefly but then looked away. Shit, had I gone too
far?
“I guess I should probably head home.” I wasn’t ready for her to leave,
but I wasn’t sure asking her to stay was a good idea either. Instead of
offering to walk her out, I stood there dumbly as she went to the door and
pulled it open. She turned and looked at me one last time. “It was good to
see you, Vance.”
The click of the door shutting behind her finally broke something loose
inside my brain that told me to go after her. I couldn’t let her leave without
saying all the things I’d been holding in for the last six months.
She was almost to her car when I swung the door open and called her
name. She halted but didn’t turn to face me. I could see her shoulders rise
and fall as she heaved several deep breaths. Was her heart pounding like
mine was?
I hopped off the porch and jogged to where she stood, stopping a few
feet away. “Don’t go yet.” My voice was low and pleading. All I wanted
was for her to turn and look at me. When she finally did, it nearly broke me.
Her eyes were misted over with tears, a sadness shining in the bright blue
depths that sent a pang straight through my heart. I’d done that to her.
“Delilah,” I whispered, and her eyes fell shut at the sound of her name
falling from my lips. “I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid I’m going to
mess this up, but if I don’t tell you now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
The words came out in a rush, fueled by panic and desperation to keep her
close.
She sucked in a sharp breath, but she didn’t turn away. She didn’t look
like she was about to run for the hills, so I kept going.
“I’ve thought about you every single day for the last six months. Not a
day goes by that I don’t hate myself for hurting you the way I did. And you
were right. I wasn’t ready for what was happening between us. I had a lot of
shit to work through,” I admitted, scrubbing a hand over my face. “I didn’t
let myself grieve. Instead, I got lost in you. You made me feel something
again. You made me feel loved and wanted, and you soothed the broken
pieces of my soul. And I let you, even though it wasn’t your job.”
A single tear slid down her cheek, and she wiped it away.
“But that wasn’t all of it. Even though your presence granted me a
reprieve from the pain, it was so much more than that. What I felt for you
was real. I still wanted to wake up and see your smiling face every morning
and hold you at night until you fell asleep.” I took a step closer. When she
didn’t retreat, I risked another and then another until we were separated by
less than a foot.
“There will always be a special place in my heart for Sarah,” I
confessed, and her eyes fell closed again, her chin trembling. I placed my
finger under her chin and rubbed it with my thumb until those baby blues
popped open again. “But you’re the woman who consumes my every
waking thought, the one who haunts my dreams and makes me want to be a
better man.”
I wanted to reach out and pull her to my chest, but I was afraid to scare
her off. This was the most we’d spoken since December and I didn’t want
to risk touching her in case it was too much, too fast.
“I’ve waited one hundred and eighty-seven days to tell you how I feel.
I’ll wait another one hundred and eighty-seven more if that’s how long it
takes for you to give me another chance. Hell, I'll wait a thousand if I have
to. But I want you. I want only you. You are my first choice, my everything.
I am completely at your mercy.”
I was panting, my chest rising and falling rapidly by the time I finished
pouring my heart out. Delilah’s wide-eyed expression and stunned silence
had me doubting that she appreciated my candor.
In a flash, her lips were on mine, her hands cupping my face as she
pressed her body against me. My arm instinctively came around her waist,
holding her to me as I speared my free hand into her hair. Her lips parted,
and I deepened the kiss, pouring the last six months of yearning into it. My
hand fisted in the back of her dress as I clung to her. Our tongues danced as
I tasted every delicious corner of her mouth.
“Come back inside,” I breathed against her lips when we finally came
up for air. Her eyes bounced between mine hesitantly, so I added hurriedly,
“to talk. We don’t have to do anything but talk,” I assured her. Although I
would have done anything she asked me to at that moment.
“Okay,” she agreed and slipped her hand into mine. I led her inside and
closed the door behind us. Once we were locked inside, I pressed her
against the door, needing another taste. I was dying to lift her into my arms
so she could wrap her legs around me and feel how badly I wanted her, but I
was determined to take things slow this time.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I confessed, nuzzling her neck.
“I’ve missed you too.” Her words were like music to my ears. I pressed
a kiss to her shoulder and stepped back, giving her some breathing room.
Lacing my fingers through hers, I led her to the kitchen. She hadn’t eaten
much at dinner, so I sliced each of us a piece of cake and we took a seat at
the island. And we talked. For over an hour, we talked about what we’d
been up to since seeing each other last. I confessed to sitting outside Darla’s
house waiting for her to leave, and she admitted she’d known I was there
the whole time.
I told her about the grief counseling and visiting Sarah’s grave and how
at peace I felt after talking to her. She talked about her friends and how
she’d finally confided in them about what happened to her the night Charlie
was conceived. They all knew about me and our connection and how things
went wrong. I told her that I’d finally gone through Sarah’s things.
What I didn’t tell her was that I’d sat amongst the piles of her clothes
and wept like a baby as I sorted through the items, trying to decide what to
donate and what to keep for Charlie. Sarah’s wedding dress was now in a
box in the attic, preserved for Charlie to wear one day if she chose to. It had
felt like throwing away the years we’d spent together at first, like I was
trying to forget her. But Charlie reminded me that we could never forget
Sarah. We had her memories in our hearts and her pictures in our photo
albums.
Charlie and I talked about Sarah all the time so I could keep her
memory alive. But at some point, we had to move on. We couldn’t dwell on
the past and relive the heartache of losing her. There was a future for us. We
were still here, still breathing, and we owed it to Sarah to make the most of
this life.
It was hard to imagine that at this time last year I couldn’t think of
anything other than surviving. I was living life one day at a time, just trying
to make sure my daughter was happy and healthy. I was a shell of the man I
used to be, destined to spend the rest of his days alone. But now, there was
Delilah, and I could see a future with her. She’d pulled me from the darkest
pits of despair and showed me there was still so much life left to live. And I
wanted her to be a part of it.
There was one last thing I had to tell her before asking her to take this
chance with me. She needed to know I would always be on her side, that I’d
always protect her, and aside from Charlie, she was my number one priority.
“I know about what my mom said to you that day,” I began, and her
entire body went deathly still. “And I want you to know that she will never
treat you that way again. She’s aware that if she ever disrespects you or
hurts you in any way, that she will be out of our lives.”
“Vance,” she began, my name leaving her mouth on a whisper, “you
didn’t have to—”
“I did,” I insisted. There was no way we could move forward the way I
wanted to with the possibility of my mother interfering in our future
hanging over our heads. Her eyes searched mine, tears brimming on her
lashes as they filled with appreciation.
“I want us to have a fresh start,” I said, reaching for her hands. “To go
on dates and talk on the phone until all hours of the night. I know it will be
like going backward, but that was something we never got to do.” She
looked contemplative, her mouth twisted to one side as she considered what
I said. “We skipped the going out and getting to know each other part and
—”
“Went straight to you tying my hands together and fucking me on your
desk,” she offered in explanation, a mischievous gleam in her eye.
I groaned and gripped the back of her neck as I pressed my forehead to
hers. “Don’t remind me. I’m trying to behave here, and you’re making that
damn near impossible.”
She chuckled softly. “Sorry.”
“I want a real relationship with you, not the sneaking around and stolen
kisses we had before. I don’t want to hide what we are to each other. I’m
not ashamed of loving you.” She sucked in a sharp breath at my mention of
love, but I kept going. It was no secret how I felt about her, and I wasn’t
going to pretend that I was anything less than head over heels for her.
“Sure, our story had an unconventional start, but that doesn't make it
wrong. Our timing was just off. But now that we’re in a different place, I
want to try again.” Her wide eyes bounced between mine, a mixture of hope
and trepidation shining in the vibrant blue depths. “What do you say?”
It took her a moment to respond, and my brow began to dampen as I
nervously awaited her answer. Then finally, her eyes misted over, and she
nodded her head, the breath catching in her throat. Relief washed over me
as I pulled her into my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I held her close as
tears gathered on my shirt. She was finally back in my arms where she
belonged, and I’d never let her go again.
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D elilah
A greeing to date V ance and give us a second chance was the best
decision I ever made. It wasn’t easy considering our … unique situation.
Being the nanny to his adopted daughter who was biologically mine added
an extra layer of complication, but we made it work. It also didn’t help that
his family was slow to come around to the idea of us being together, but his
mother eventually apologized to me once she saw that Vance would uphold
his boundaries and not allow her in our lives if she didn’t. I never had any
trouble out of her again.
Aunt Darla gave us her blessing, smiling through her tears as she
wished us the best. That day, we cried together. Her approval was what I
sought the most, and she granted it without hesitation.
My cousin Emily had her reservations, considering she’d seen me two
days after our breakup when I looked like death warmed over. I’d spilled
my guts to her about seeing Vance behind everyone’s back and how he’d
stomped all over my heart. She’d been furious with him—and with me for
not confiding in her sooner—and was ready to go over there and set him
straight. Instead, Darla had gone after my mom enlightened her about the
situation. It was a long time before I could look her in the eye after that. It
felt like I was tarnishing her daughter’s memory by being with her husband
so soon after her passing, but Darla reminded me that life was short—
something she knew all too well—and we should be with the ones we
loved.
Sarah’s memory would always be a part of our story and our family.
Nothing could change that, and I didn’t want it to. She had been my saving
grace when I was drowning in hopelessness and fear, wondering what I
would do with a baby I couldn’t take care of. She’d given my daughter a
happy life and raised her through the most crucial years of her childhood. I
would always be grateful to her for that. I harbored no jealousy or
resentment toward the woman Vance loved before me, and I never wanted
any of us to forget her.
Being with Vance was everything I’d hoped for and more. He was
attentive and passionate. He no longer held back or tried to hide his feelings
for me. Once a week, he carved out time for just the two of us. He took me
to dinner and the movies. Sometimes we went dancing or hung out with
friends.
My mom and Darla took turns watching Charlie so we could go on
dates. It was wonderful watching my mother bond with Charlie and
experience the joy of having a grandchild, even if Charlie referred to her as
Aunt Debra. One day we would tell Charlie the truth. One day, when she
was old enough to understand, she would know I was the one who’d given
birth to her and that I chose Vance and Sarah to give her the life I couldn’t.
Thankfully, we had several years to figure out how we would tell her.
For the time being, Vance and I were trying to take things slow. We
wanted to do things right this time, to give our relationship a fighting
chance. That was hard to do when I knew how good he felt moving inside
me and how he tasted on the back of my tongue. There was no denying how
explosive our chemistry was, but we both wanted to form a deeper
connection before jumping into bed again.
That lasted all of two weeks.
I was in Vance’s kitchen late one evening whipping up some frosting for
a cake I’d made for my mom’s birthday. I wanted to surprise her with
something special, and she loved my homemade buttercream. Vance strode
in, freshly showered after putting Charlie to bed, and came up behind me.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I breathed in his clean, woodsy
scent.
“That looks yummy,” he mused, placing his chin on my shoulder as I
mixed in a splash of vanilla.
Dipping my finger into the frosting, I turned to face him. “Do you want
to be my taste tester?” I asked, holding my finger up in offering. The corner
of his mouth tipped up, but he didn’t reply. He simply leaned in and closed
his lips over my finger, his eyes never leaving mine as he drew it farther
into his mouth. I sucked in a sharp breath as heat gathered in my lower
belly. He wrapped his fingers around my hand as he pulled back, slowly
dragging my finger out of his hot mouth.
“Mmm,” he purred, licking his lips. “My second favorite flavor.”
“What’s your first?” I asked, breathless.
“Let me show you.”
In a flash, he lifted me in his arms, his hands gripping the backs of my
thighs, and turned to set me on the island. He braced his hands on the sleek
marble on either side of my hips as he captured my mouth with his.
“Lie back,” he commanded, and I immediately complied. “I haven’t
been able to get the memory of how you taste out of my mind,” he
confessed, hooking his fingers into my shorts. “I think about you riding my
face and coming on my tongue all the time.”
A needy whimper left my lips when he dragged my panties down my
legs, and my ass hit the cool countertop. He was going to feast on me right
here in his kitchen.
His nose skimmed up my thigh and the crease of my leg. “Fuck, you
smell so good. And your skin is so soft.” His palms splayed over my thighs
and pushed them apart. A low groan rumbled up his throat as he took me in.
I was completely bare to him, his face only a few inches from my core. I
was already wet from his dirty words and heated gaze. Add to that more
than half a year without his touch, and I was damn near ready to explode at
the first swipe of his tongue.
My back bowed when he sucked the tender bud into his mouth, and I let
out a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush. He hummed his
approval against my skin, sending a shockwave of pleasure through my
center. His hand slid up my thigh, his fingers parting me as he flicked his
tongue over my clit. He entered me with two fingers, and I moaned at the
fullness. He curled them forward, stroking my inner walls with a delicious
friction that had me writhing and begging for more.
I cried out as my orgasm crested and broke, leaving me a limp and sated
heap atop the island countertop. To my surprise, Vance climbed up there
with me, settling his weight between my legs. His lips were slick with my
release when he kissed me, and damn if that didn’t turn me on even more.
“So much for taking things slow,” I mused, and his face fell.
“Delilah, I’m sorry,” he began, pulling away from me. I gripped his
biceps in an attempt to keep him close as panic filled his eyes. “I didn’t
mean to rush you. If you’re not ready, we don’t have to—”
“Did it seem like I wasn’t ready for that?” I countered, playfully
quirking an eyebrow to diffuse the tension. His gaze searched mine, and a
soft smile curved my lips.
He thought I didn’t want his touch just as badly as he wanted to give it.
I appreciated his concern considering my past trauma, but I wasn’t made of
glass. I wouldn’t break. I also had a voice, and I wasn’t afraid to use it.
His arms relaxed beneath my palms, and he dropped his head as he let
out a relieved breath. “I guess you have a point,” he said, huffing out a
laugh. “You felt very ready.” His darkened gaze lifted to mine as his mouth
pulled into a seductive grin. He lowered his lips to mine and pressed a soft
kiss to them. Dropping his forehead so that it rested against mine, he spoke
in low tones. “If you ever don’t want to do something, please tell me. It will
stop immediately.”
His words rang with sincerity. I had always felt safe with him. He would
never pressure me or take liberties with my body that I didn’t fully grant. Of
that I was certain. “I know,” I whispered, cupping his cheek. “But right
now, I don’t want you to stop. I want everything you can give me.”
Hooking my ankles around the backs of his thighs, I urged him forward.
He came willingly, dropping his mouth to my waiting lips. I slipped a hand
between us and trailed my fingers down the taut ridges of his stomach until
I reached the waistband of his shorts. Dipping my hand inside, I wrapped it
around his length, starting at the base and stroked it all the way to the
crown. Air hissed through his teeth as I ran my thumb over the tip
collecting the gathering moisture already leaking from it.
“Fuck,” he breathed as I pumped him slowly, squeezing with each
stroke. Then he let out a groan of frustration. “I don’t have a condom. I
wasn’t prepared for this.”
I swallowed hard, nervous over what he’d think about what I would say
next. “It’s okay,” I assured him. “I’m on birth control, and I haven’t been
with anyone since you.”
His eyes fell closed as though my words were like music to his ears. “I
haven’t either. You’re all I want, all I could ever want.” He captured my lips
in a searing kiss as he shimmied his shorts down his legs. Poised at my
entrance, he halted, growling out a strained command. “Look at me.” My
eyes lifted from where our bodies kissed to his hooded gaze. “I love you,
Delilah. You are everything to me. And I’ll never let you go again.”
He flexed his hips, entering me in a long, languid stroke. I fought
against the urge to let my eyes fall closed at the delicious sensation and held
his gaze. His muscles strained beneath the weight of his barely leashed
control. I clung to him, my fingers grasping at his shirt as he pumped in and
out of me, his hands planted on the marble on either side of my head.
“You feel so good,” he crooned, and I clenched around him. “I could
spend all night between these gorgeous thighs.” He dropped one hand to my
leg and hiked it up higher on his hip. I gasped at the change of angle as he
drove in deeper. “Tasting you, worshiping you, and wringing every last
ounce of pleasure from your body. It’s like you were made for me.” I
soaked up every morsel of praise he granted me. I practically lived for
them.
I’d long forgotten the cool stone beneath me. I was on fire, engulfed in
the heat of Vance’s passion, the euphoria of his every touch and stroke. I
never wanted it to end, but I could feel the tension coiling low in my belly,
the unmistakable contracting of my inner muscles. The low groans falling
from Vance’s lips signaled he wouldn’t be far behind.
“Come for me,” he growled, and my orgasm erupted. I cried out as my
body shuddered, and my legs clamped against his sides. Liquid heat filled
me as he found his release.
We lay there panting, his damp forehead pressed to my chest as I drew
lazy circles over his back. Part of me was surprised the island hadn’t
collapsed beneath us. It must’ve been built sturdily because anything less
than expert craftsmanship wouldn’t have withheld our vigorous
lovemaking.
I giggled at the thought of it collapsing, the four sides of wood bulging
beneath us before simultaneously falling to the ground like in a cartoon.
The laughter fell from my lips when Vance pulled out of me, the sudden
loss of his warmth making me feel empty.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, amusement and intrigue glimmering in
his eyes. He let out a boisterous chuckle when I described the scene I
imagined in my head.
“Thank goodness the contractor who updated the house didn’t cut
corners.” I made to sit up, but Vance stopped me. “Hold tight,” he implored,
and I did as he asked. He grabbed a towel and gently cleaned me up before
helping down from the counter.
“I’d better disinfect that spot before I cook again.”
“I’m never gonna be able to look at it again without getting hard,”
Vance mused, hooking his arm around my waist and pulling me in for a
kiss. His lips feathered over my jaw, stopping just below my ear. “Just like
the desk in my office,” he added, his voice low and heady.
A shiver of excitement ran through me at the memory. “Perhaps we can
reenact that scene one day,” I offered, and his hold on me tightened.
“Why wait?” He lifted an eyebrow suggestively, and I clamped my
thighs together. We had a lot to make up for, and he wasn’t wasting any
time. We spent the rest of the night becoming reacquainted with each other.
In the early morning hours, we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, our
hearts, bodies, and souls, finally content.
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EPILOGUE
V ance
W e spent the rest of the summer going on new adventures and
making memories with Charlie. She was starting school in the fall, and
Delilah was determined to make sure she had the best summer ever. We
enjoyed weekends at the lake, visited museums and theme parks, and even
spent a week at the beach.
Charlie was ecstatic when we told her that Delilah and I were together.
“Finally!” she shrieked, jumping up and down as though she’d been waiting
her whole life to hear the good news. Delilah and I exchanged a look, both
of us wondering if she knew more than we gave her credit for.
Delilah accepted a teaching position at the elementary school Charlie
was attending in the fall. Although she wouldn’t be Charlie’s teacher, it was
comforting to know Delilah would be just down the hall. I’d given her a
glowing recommendation—all true things—when they called for a
reference. She would make an amazing teacher. They were lucky to have
her.
Just as I was.
Everything was finally coming together. After my life fell apart, I didn’t
believe I’d ever find happiness again. I didn’t believe I deserved it. But
Delilah helped me see that life could go on and that I wasn’t responsible for
Sarah’s death. I didn’t need to continue punishing myself for something I
had no control over. I was allowed to be happy again. It was okay to move
on. It didn’t mean I would ever forget Sarah or stop loving her, but I could
love Delilah too.
It was hard to reconcile both feelings existing simultaneously at first.
That was why I fought so hard not to fall for Delilah. How could I love
another woman when my heart wouldn’t forget the first? Then I realized, it
didn’t have to.
Love wasn’t finite. It didn’t come in a limited supply. And just when
you thought you’d given it all to one person, another came along and
showed you there was more than enough to go around. That was what
Charlie did when she came into my life, and now Delilah was showing me
that I had a deeper capacity for love than I could have ever imagined.
T he months flew by . M y relationship with D elilah only grew
stronger as time went on. We were happy, all three of us. Charlie was
thriving in school, and Delilah was thriving at work. I’d gotten a handle on
my workload and was no longer putting in such long hours at the office. I
was getting to spend more time with them, but something was still missing.
We felt like a family, but my home wasn’t our home.
Delilah was content to claim my guest bedroom as her own whenever
she stayed over. She wouldn’t step foot inside my bedroom out of respect
for Sarah. That was a line she wouldn’t cross. But I didn’t want her to
perpetually feel like a guest any longer.
It had been a year since we reconnected and more than two and half
years since Sarah had passed. It was time to move forward. It was time we
had a place to call our own.
I wanted to surprise Delilah and didn’t want her to know what I was up
to, so I contacted her friend, Melody. Melody had moved to town a few
years ago and revived her grandparents’ bed and breakfast. After helping
them manage it and their rental properties along with her aunt, she decided
to go into real estate. She and her husband, Gavin, had flipped a few
properties with the help of Gavin’s cousin—and Delilah’s friend—Macon,
whose father was the biggest contractor in the area. Both men had worked
under Ben Lewis at some point and knew their way around a home
remodel. Melody was my perfect partner in crime.
I told her about my plan, and she was all too happy to help. She would
help me find a few houses we thought would suit Delilah's taste. After
watching countless episodes of home improvement shows with her, I had a
pretty good idea of what she liked. I knew what her must-haves were and
what she could live without. I’d been paying especially close attention the
last couple months since I’d been considering moving.
Two weeks later, we had it narrowed down to three houses. They all had
everything we needed and were within the school district, but two of them
were closer to Willow Brook Falls than where I lived now. That was an
added bonus that might win Delilah over. Not that I thought she’d be
opposed to moving in with us, but it never hurt to sweeten the deal.
Melody planned to show her each house under the guise of needing her
help to pick out an investment property. Delilah went along merrily with no
idea Melody was trying to see which one she liked best. I had a feeling I
knew what she would pick, so I asked Melody to show it to her last.
I received a text when they were on their way. Melody’s SUV was
already parked in the driveway when I pulled up to the curb. Shortly after,
my phone dinged with an incoming text.
Y ou
it.
were right .
T his
is the one .
S he ’ s
practically gushing over
M elody ’ s assurances brought a smile to my face . I’ d known as
soon as I saw the listing that Delilah would love it. Now came the hard part:
convincing her to let me buy it for us.
It’s
go time .
I read over M elody ’ s next text before pocketing my phone and
shutting off my car. I got out and strode up the sidewalk, my palms
dampening more with each step. I rubbed them down the front of my pants
before reaching for the knob and opening the door. Voices filtered through
from the kitchen, and I followed the tinkling sound of feminine laughter. I
rounded the corner to find both women standing at the sliding glass doors
that led to the patio as they peered out at the back yard. It was large and
blanketed in lush green grass. The wood fence surrounding it offered safety
and privacy. There was even room for a pool if we decided to put one in.
Charlie had been asking for one for months, but I hadn’t wanted to install
one at our house when I knew we wouldn’t be staying.
“So … what do you think? Could you see yourself living here?” Melody
asked as they took in the view.
She huffed out a laugh filled with longing. “I wish. This is my dream
home, but I’d never be able to afford it on a teacher’s salary.”
“You wouldn’t have to do it on your own,” I said, and Delilah jumped,
letting out a shriek of surprise.
“Vance!” she gasped breathlessly, pressing a hand to her chest. “What
are you doing here?”
I took a step forward, my eyes never leaving hers. This was it. The
moment I asked her to take the next step. Ignoring her question, I closed the
distance between us in a few strides. Lifting my hand to her face, I cupped
her cheek. Instinctively, she leaned into my touch.
“We could do it together. Buy your dream home.” My offer finally
registered, and her gaze snapped to mine as her spine straightened. Curling
her fingers around the hand holding her face, she looked up at me hopefully.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to move in together. I want us to have a home that’s
all ours. I want to start our life together. You belong with me and Charlie.
You don’t need to keep going back and forth, splitting your time between
my house and yours. It’s time for us to have our own home.”
Her hopeful gaze searched mine. “Are you sure? You want to move in
together? It’s a big step.”
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
A choked sound fell from her lips, half laugh half sob as she covered
her mouth with her hands. She flung her arms around my neck and held me
tight. “Yes,” she crooned. “Let’s do it.”
I crushed my mouth to hers, swallowing her cries of joy and tasting the
salt of her tears on my tongue. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I
picked her up and twirled her around. My heart was beating like I’d just run
a marathon. That was what this beautiful woman did to me. She made me
feel alive. She still set my pulse racing with her touch even after all this
time.
Once we were finished celebrating our decision, we went in search of
Melody. She’d slipped out at some point to give us some privacy. We found
her in the front room. She was tapping away on her phone screen but looked
up when we entered.
“Let’s put in that offer,” I instructed, and a huge grin spread over her
lips.
“You got it.” Melody dialed a number, pressed the phone to her ear, and
walked toward the kitchen. I heard her say the listing realtor’s name as I
turned to face Delilah.
“You tricked me,” she accused, poking me playfully in the chest.
“It worked,” I countered, and she went to poke me again, but I caught
her wrist and brought it to my mouth, pressing a soft kiss to her pulse point.
“How did you know?” she breathed, the pulse pounding beneath my lips
picking up speed.
“Know what?” I asked, feathering kisses up her forearm.
“That I would absolutely love this house.”
“Because I know you,” I declared, tugging her closer. I wrapped my free
arm around her back and leaned in, bringing my mouth to her ear. “I know
you better than anyone,” I whispered, and her body shuttered.
Before we could get too lost in the moment and do something to
embarrass ourselves, Melody returned wearing a pleased grin.
“He’s going to present your offer to the seller. He thinks they’ll accept
without a counter since you offered fifteen over asking.”
Delilah’s wide eyes found mine. “You offered fifteen grand over asking
price?”
“The market is hot.” I shrugged. This house wouldn’t stay on it long,
and I had to ensure no one would swoop in and outbid me. “It’s worth every
penny to see you happy.”
Our offer was accepted, and Melody immediately listed my house.
Charlie took the news a lot better than I thought she would. She was excited
about decorating her new bedroom and having kids to play with in the
neighborhood. Where we lived now was nice, but it was mostly older
couples and retirees. Most of the kids on our street were teenagers. At our
new house, there were kids riding bikes up and down the street and couples
teaching their children to rollerblade. It was a fresh start, one we all needed.
Excited as I was to start this new chapter of my life, I was sad about
what I was leaving behind. The home I’d built with Sarah and Charlie, the
memories we made in that house, good and bad. Perhaps I should’ve left it
sooner, considering that was where she’d died, but I hadn’t been able to let
go. In the deepest, darkest depths of my grief, leaving our home behind felt
like abandoning her all over again. I still struggled with the guilt of leaving
the way I did that day, and I probably always would. I never got to say
goodbye or tell her I loved her one last time, but I hoped wherever she was,
she’d forgiven me and found peace.
I was trying to do the same. And I had Delilah to thank for that. I had
Delilah to thank for everything.
T hank you so much for reading T wisted F ate ! W ant more V ance
and Delilah? Subscribe to my newsletter to unlock the bonus epilogue.
H ave you met B rynlee and M acon ? R eckless A bandon ,
the Willow Brook Falls Series is available now! Get it HERE.
book
1
in
“Sexy, sweet, and with the right amount of angst. Reckless Abandon has it
all.” - NYT Best Selling Author, Heidi McLaughlin
“This beautiful love story had me at it's mercy from the first page until the
last.” ~Amazon Reviewer
Turn the page for an excerpt from Reckless Abandon >>
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EXCERPT FROM RECKLESS ABANDON
Macon was waiting just outside the restrooms when I came out, his
forehead creased with concern. “Are you okay?” he asked, reaching for my
shoulders to steady me as I took a step toward him.
“I’m fine. I think I just over did it.”
“You think?” He chuckled. I nodded, a little embarrassed at myself. I
hadn't been drunk in a long time, since before I got pregnant with Harper.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
My pulse accelerated at his suggestion, and I nodded again, unable to
speak. I wanted nothing more than to be alone with him in his truck. Maybe
with all the liquid courage flowing through my veins, I’d finally get up the
nerve to tell him how I felt.
We said goodbye to our friends, and I followed him outside. He opened
the passenger side door for me and helped me into his truck. If it hadn’t
been for the surge of electricity coursing through my body at the sensation
of his hands on my hips, I would’ve fallen into the seat in a fit of giggles,
but his touch had momentarily sobered me. And I wanted more of it.
Once he climbed inside and settled behind the wheel, I slid over next to
him and rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and basked in his
clean scent. He didn’t need cologne or suffocating body sprays to smell
good. I fought the urge to lean up and run my tongue up his neck to get a
taste. He was driving after all.
Eventually, he lifted his arm and draped it around my shoulders. I
snuggled in closer, leaning harder on him. “Tired?” he asked, and I
shrugged. I was too wound up. There was no way I’d be able to fall asleep
anytime soon.
As we turned onto my street, I realized it was now or never. I needed to
make my move, but I couldn’t just jump his bones, so I lifted my hand and
let my open palm rest on his jean-clad leg. He sucked in a sharp breath, but
his eyes never strayed from the road. He wiggled in his seat a bit, subtly
clearing his throat.
I couldn’t be imagining it. There was something on his end too. It
wasn’t just me.
I snuggled in closer, and he gave my shoulders a squeeze. It felt like
encouragement, a granting of permission to keep going. I was prepared to
do more as soon as he put his truck in park.
He pulled into the driveway, his lights illuminating my front door
momentarily before he cut the engine. He turned to me, eyes hooded, and
his gaze dropped to my mouth.
I took my chance and leaned up to kiss him, just a soft peck at first.
When he didn’t pull away, I placed my hand on his chest and went in for a
deeper kiss. His lips parted, and I tasted the cinnamon gum he always
chewed. Funny, I never much cared for the flavor, but on his tongue, it
tasted like heaven.
His arm tightened around me, and I let go of all my reservations. He
wanted this too. Without thinking, I swung my leg around and climbed onto
his lap. My knees bracketed his hips, and his hands fell to my waist. I
cupped his face in my hands, my tongue probing inside his hot mouth. He
groaned and opened his palms, splaying them over my ass. I instinctively
flexed my hips, wanting to feel more of him. And boy did I get my wish.
His body responded, his growing arousal pressing hot and hard against
my core. His lips moved to my neck, his hot tongue sweeping over the
sensitive skin there. I let out a soft sigh, reveling in the feel of his body
against mine. My hips surged forward, grinding against him as he found my
mouth again.
Suddenly, he wrenched away, tearing his lips from mine. I clung to him
desperately, trying to get back to his mouth. It had tasted so good.
In a split second, I was pressed flat on my back across the bench seat
with Macon hovering above me. My legs snaked around his back, and his
eyes fell closed as he dropped his forehead to mine.
“Bryn,” he groaned, and the sound of my name on his lips shot a bolt of
arousal straight to my center. I rolled my hips, my thighs clamping down on
his sides. His head shot up and his eyes burned, the golden flecks
surrounding his irises glowing like embers. His scorching gaze sent a shiver
down my spine.
I reached for him, but he gripped my wrists before I could wrap my
arms around his neck. He brought my hands above my head and pinned
them to the seat. “Bryn, you’re drunk,” he said, his voice laced with
concern. I wanted to argue with him, but he was right. However, my brain
struggled to find the significance in that statement. “I’m not going to take
advantage of you in this state.”
“I’m not that drunk,” I argued.
“You are,” he countered. “And you’re my best friend. I would never do that
to you.”
Want more? Click here to read Reckless Abandon today!
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ALSO BY ASHLEY CADE
Wild Hearts Series
Something That Could Last
Everything We Left Unsaid
Anything For this Love
Willow Brook Falls Series
Reckless Abandon
Other Books
Six Nights in Paradise
Desperation
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
There are so many people who played a part in helping me bring Vance and
Delilah’s story to life. To my alpha/beta/sensitivity readers, Kelly, Autumn,
Katelyn, Amanda, and Lo, thank you for all your feedback and input on this
story. This book wouldn’t be what it is without you.
To my amazing editor, Silla, thank you so much for delivering another
beautifully polished manuscript and for loving Vance and Delilah the way I
hope all my readers do.
Thank you to Amanda at Pixel Mischief Design for bringing a smoking
hot Vance to life on this gorgeous cover! Shew, those eyes!!!
To my PA, Tiffany, you are the real MVP here. Thank you for always
being my sounding board and supporter as well as my proofreader and
wrangler (I know I make that last part difficult). I’m so blessed to call you
friend.
Thank you, Rachael for the beautiful formatting you provided for each
edition of this book.
A huge thank you to Lilian Harris, Melissa Ivers, Eliza Peake, and
Loren Beeson for helping me with my blurb! Or more accurately, rewriting
my blurb, lol. You ladies deserve an award for putting up with my
shenanigans.
And thank you, dear reader, for picking up Twisted Fate. I hope Vance
and Delilah have found a special place in your heart just like did in mine.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ashley is a USA Today Bestselling author who likes her small town romance extra spicy with a
touch of angst and a splash of humor. Her swoon worthy heroes will melt your kindles (along with
your undergarments). She resides in Ohio with her husband and two sons where she pens emotionally
gripping love stories about imperfect people who find their happily ever after.
Connect with Ashley
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