Psychology of sexuality
Hoorcollege 1
Three perspectives on sexuality
 Biological: we all have a body
 Social and cultural psychological: we all grow up I a cultural and social setting
 Applied clinical: a sexual relationship can go wrong (biological, psychological, try to fix)
Sex – computer metaphor
 Hardware  biology (body, hormones) (how we perform and interpreted)
 Operating system  evolution (behavior patterns)
 Software  social environment and culture (family, educational system, religion, teaches us
things about sexuality, how to behave and how not)
 Helpdesk  sexologist
- Computers get older …
Psychology of sexuality
 Sex and aging
 Special bonus gust lecture by Joan Price
 Author of:
o The ultimate guide to sex after fifty
o Naked at our age: talking out loud about senior sex
o Better than I ever expected: straight talk about sex after sixty
Human sexuality
 What is sex?
 How do we do it?
 Why do we do it?
- A lot of people talk about it indirectly, almost no one talks freely about it
- 14000 people are having sex now
- Most words association sex top 3: love, intimacy and pleasure
Positive associations
 In line with Dutch research: at age 25, 81% of Dutch youngsters has sexual experience: 90%
of young women and 94% of young men say they enjoy sex
But what is sex?
 Wikipedia: human sexual acitivy, hum sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the
manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality
 Oxford sictionary: sex: sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse. Sexuality:
sexual activity
 Youdictionary: sex: any function or behaviour involved with reproduction
 Go ask alice: sex is the birds and the bees. Getting it on
The birds and the bees  metaphor (there are a lot)
Definition of sex(uality)
 Sexuality is about all sensory perceptions, emotions and cognitions that someone associates
with physical sexual arousal, and that usually leads to sexual desire and / or behaviour
How do people have sex?
 No (some people do not have sex)
o Asexuality: 1%, feel no sexual attractions, no sexual interest, lack of desire of
partneral sexual activity, most desire romantic relationship but don’t desire sex.
Sometimes have sex to please the partner, but no sexual feelings. Some of them
masturbate as well (not directed and specific), fetishes that are not sexual specific. It
is not a dysfunction. They don’t find it difficult. The find it difficult that other people
think they have to. It is not a coping mechanism. It is a sexual orientation (just like
hetero, homo)
o Voluntary celibacy (complete or partial): do feel sexual attractions but choose not to
act on it. 20%. Reasons: religions, nuns(nonnen), morally(young, marriage), wait for
strong relation, age. They can be perfectly happy without sex
 Complete: also not masturbate
 Partial: masturbate, but no sex with a partner
o Involuntary celibacy (incel): lack access, want to have sex but can’t get it. Reasons:
separation (military, diseased), institutional restrictions(hospital, nursing home),
(confuse that elderly in nursing home don’t have sexual desire, but they do), physical
disability, psychological disorder, partner that doesn’t want sex, in almost al
relationship sexual desire declineas sometimes loose desire entirely, unable to
establish romantical or sexual relationship (home with parents, bodyimage),
 Online group of young hetero sexual males, get together online, dislike of
mankind, selfpitty, dislike women, racist, feel entitled to have sex, have a
right to have sex, they approve to have violence against people that are
sexual active , mass murders worst case scenario
 Solitary sexual behaviours
o Sexual fantasy: almost everyone has them, sexual imagiages that are sexual
arousing/erotic, not dreams but thoughts and mental images with conscious control,
that you can recall them, can last for a few seconds or fantasies that return a lot of
time (central masturbation fantasy). Freud  a happy person never fantisyses. But
he was wrong.
 Sexual fantasy: any mental picture that comes to mind while you’re wake,
that ultimately turns you on
 Most common sexual fantasy: multipartner sex, BDSM (bondage, discipline,
dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism) (Man and women also
think of forced sex phantasy, lot of women), novelty adventure and variety.
25% this favourite fantasy.
 Also phantasy about things that are taboo or things that are not
allowed
 A lto of things man fantasise about, women fantasis about too.
 Man more likely to have fantasies about group sex (and more times),
women about romance
o Masturbation: solo form of selfstimulation focus on genitals, sometime with sextools
most people masturbate, asexual too, all people from all cultural, boys masturbate
more often than girls (little bit), more common for men and more frequent, more

common on younger and white person and higher education, today it is said that it is
healthy (in the past medical effects etc, niet goed voor je), reduces risk of prostate
cancer and improves immune system and it is not bad for your relationship.
Masturbation is not always healthy (100 men in Germany die from it every year)
Partnered sexual behaviours  sex is only sex if all partners consent. If there is no consent,
we call it sexual assault or rape.
o Kissing: very frequent behavior, many nerve endings, wester most common and
performend behavior, half of all cultures it is a normal behavior, tong kissing is a
signal of trust (not to bite), tasted eachother, exchange sulva bacteria etc, originated
from how mother feed their young, might also be evolutionary adapted behavior
(checking for a fitting partner, health, fertility),
o Touching (tribadism): part of sexual activity, focus on primary and second sensory
zones, any part of the body will do.
 Tribadism: touching where you rob your genitals against your partners
genitals
 Scissoring for lesbiansm
o Oral sex (fellatio/cunnilingus): stimulation with the mouth, 1/3 part of the
population, more frequent amongst youngster higher education white, some
cultures it is unnatural and unclean and taboo. Preferred way to orgasm
 Cunnilingus: stimulation of vulva (eating pussy)
 Fellatio: stumalation of penis (blowjob)
o Anal sex (intercourse or anilingus): more frequent among young adults higher
education, often associated with gay man but it isn’t the most performed behavior
for them but we associated it with. Can take different forms. Can have health risks,
use lubricans (glijmiddel)
 Anilingus: oral stimujjlation of the anus
o Vaginal intercourse (coitus): most performend, younga adults higher education and
married people, usual age 17 america and Netherlands 18 and the age increased.
Stimulations your neuro growth, less stress hormone, increase immune system
 Four basic positions
 Man on top, missionary
 Woman on top, amazon/cowgirl  most orgasm for women (or CAT
position (best for clitoral stimjulation, it is missionary but is higher
up on the women, so stimulates clitoris too)
 From behind, doggystyle
 Sideway, spoonings
A lot of ways to have sex, but what is sex?
 Baseball metaphor
o First: kiss
o Second: physical contact (hand on breast)
o Third: hands in the pands (manual sex, oral
sex)
o Homebase/homerun: intercourse (coitus)
 Americans are focused on this, this
is sex for them
America think are sex
 All things about penetrations are considered as sex
o Means that gay people cannot have sex
 Manual and oral is not considered as sex for most
Dutch students think are sex
 Broader definition
 Oral stimulation too, not so much focus on coitus
Homosexual men think about sex
 Intercourse
 Oral stimulation 64%
Homosexual women (broader repertoire)
 Oral stimulation, dildo etc
Former beliefs about sex  for centuries the idea has been that sex is:
 Heterosexual penis-vagina coitus
 Where the man has an orgasm (women don’t)
 Within a monogamous relationship (preferably marriage)
 With the aim of reproduction
What is sex?
 Queen Victoria’s (1819-1901) view on sex: just lie back and think of England
o Purpose of sex at that time: reproduction
 Women were not supposed to enjoy sex and they couldn’t biology (they
thought)
 Mr Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman..(ms Lewinsky)
o He received a blow job, but did he lie?