The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck
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The smallest dog barks the loudest... (p. 7).
o There’s a saying in Texas: “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” A confident man doesn’t
feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel a need to convince
anybody that she’s rich. Either you are or you are not. And if you’re dreaming of something
all the time, then you’re reinforcing the same unconscious reality over and over: that you
are not that.
The key to a good life (p. 8).
o The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a
fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.
First world problems (p. 10)
o We joke online about “first-world problems,” but we really have become victims of our
own success. Stress-related health issues, anxiety disorders, and cases of depression have
skyrocketed over the past thirty years, despite the fact that everyone has a flat-screen TV
and can have their groceries delivered. Our crisis is no longer material; it’s existential, it’s
spiritual. We have so much fucking stuff and so many opportunities that we don’t even
know what to give a fuck about anymore.
The Backwards law (p. 10)
o The more you want, the less you have.
o Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue
feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only
reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
Care less, do better (p. 11).
o when you care less about something, you do better at it?
Purpose of book (p. 13)
o learning how to focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively—how to pick and choose
what matters to you and what does not matter to you based on finely honed personal
values.
Suffering (p. 20)
o One of those realizations was this: that life itself is a form of suffering. The rich suffer
because of their riches. The poor suffer because of their poverty. People without a family
suffer because they have no family. People with a family suffer because of their family.
People who pursue worldly pleasures suffer because of their worldly pleasures. People
who abstain from worldly pleasures suffer because of their abstention.
This isn’t to say that all suffering is equal. Some suffering is certainly more painful than
other suffering. But we all must suffer nonetheless.
Pain and loss, Budha (p. 21)
o pain and loss are inevitable and we should let go of trying to resist them.
Pain and suffering are necessary feature (p. 22)
o We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred
agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of
dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature
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that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive. We are wired to become
dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we do not have. This
constant dissatisfaction has kept our species fighting and striving, building and
conquering. So no— our own pain and misery aren’t a bug of human evolution; they’re a
feature.
Problems and good problems (p. 23)
o “Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Mark,” the panda told me. He sipped his
drink and adjusted the little pink umbrella. “The solution to one problem is merely the
creation of the next one.”
o “Don’t hope for a life without problems,” the panda said. “There’s no such thing. Instead,
hope for a life full of good problems.”
Happiness comes from solving problems. (p. 24)
o Happiness is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-inprogress—the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s
problems, and so on. True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy
having and enjoy solving.
Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. (p. 30)
If we have problems that are unsolvable, our unconscious figures that we’re either uniquely
special or uniquely defective in some way. That we’re somehow unlike everyone else and that the
rules must be different for us. Put simply: we become entitled. (p. 39).
Technology and Psychological problems (p. 43):
o Technology has solved old economic problems by giving us new psychological problems.
The Internet has not just open-sourced information; it has also open-sourced insecurity,
self-doubt, and shame.
Mentality of great people (p. 44):
o The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they
believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re
obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an
unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all. It’s anti-entitlement. People who
become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not
already great—they are mediocre, they are average—and that they could be so much
better.
The Question to be asked (p. 49):
o If suffering is inevitable, if our problems in life are unavoidable, then the question we
should be asking is not “How do I stop suffering?” but “Why am I suffering—for what
purpose?”
The Years of Struggle (p. 60):
o As Freud once said, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the
most beautiful.”
Self-improvement in a nutshell (p. 63):
o This, in a nutshell, is what “self-improvement” is really about: prioritizing better values,
choosing better things to give a fuck about. Because when you give better fucks, you get
better problems. And when you get better problems, you get a better life.
“Do, or do not; there is no ‘how.’” (p. 79).
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Knowledge based on biases (p. 85):
o The unfortunate fact is, most of what we come to “know” and believe is the product of
the innate inaccuracies and biases present in our brains. Many or even most of our values
are products of events that are not representative of the world at large, or are the result
of a totally misconceived past.
Don’t know yourself (p. 95):
o I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you
striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and
accepting of the differences in others.
Hidden narcissism (p. 96):
o There’s a kind of self-absorption that comes with fear based on an irrational certainty.
When you assume that your plane is the one that’s going to crash, or that your project
idea is the stupid one everyone is going to laugh at, or that you’re the one everyone is
going to choose to mock or ignore, you’re implicitly telling yourself, “I’m the exception;
I’m unlike everybody else; I’m different and special.” This is narcissism, pure and simple.
You feel as though your problems deserve to be treated differently, that your problems
have some unique math to them that doesn’t obey the laws of the physical universe.
Success paradox (p. 103)
o We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at. If we’re unwilling to
fail, then we’re unwilling to succeed.
Better values
o You have the control
o Process-oriented
o Long lasting
Importance of fear and anxiety
o Dabrowski argued that fear and anxiety and sadness are not necessarily always
undesirable or unhelpful states of mind; rather, they are often representative of the
necessary pain of psychological growth. And to deny that pain is to deny our own
potential. Just as one must suffer physical pain to build stronger bone and muscle, one
must suffer emotional pain to develop greater emotional resilience, a stronger sense of
self, increased compassion, and a generally happier life (p. 105).
How to solve a problem without having any idea (p. 109):
o Mr. Packwood used to say, “If you’re stuck on a problem, don’t sit there and think about
it; just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, the simple act of
working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.”
Action and motivation (p. 109)
o Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.
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Two hundred crappy words (p. 110)
o The author Tim Ferriss relates a story he once heard about a novelist who had written
over seventy novels. Someone asked the novelist how he was able to write so consistently
and remain inspired and motivated. He replied, “Two hundred crappy words per day,
that’s it.” The idea was that if he forced himself to write two hundred crappy words, more
often than not the act of writing would inspire him; and before he knew it, he’d have
thousands of words down on the page.
Less is more (p. 126):
o But more is not always better. In fact, the opposite is true. We are actually often happier
with less. When we’re overloaded with opportunities and options, we suffer from what
psychologists refer to as the paradox of choice. Basically, the more options we’re given,
the less satisfied we become with whatever we choose, because we’re aware of all the
other options we’re potentially forfeiting.
Becker’s theory about death (p. 134)
The relationship of meaning and death (p. 134):
o “...all the meaning in our life is shaped by this innate desire to never truly die.”
Death and being mindful (p. 137):
o Nothing makes you present and mindful like being mere inches away from your own
death.
Fear of death and life (p. 138):
o Even Mark Twain, that hairy goofball who came in and left on Halley’s Comet, said, “The
fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any
time.”
The only truly important question according to Becker (p. 139):
o What is your legacy?
Root of all happiness (p. 139):
o Without acknowledging the ever-present gaze of death, the superficial will appear
important, and the important will appear superficial. Death is the only thing we can know
with any certainty. And as such, it must be the compass by which we orient all of our other
values and decisions. It is the correct answer to all of the questions we should ask but
never do. The only way to be comfortable with death is to understand and see yourself as
something bigger than yourself; to choose values that stretch beyond serving yourself,
that are simple and immediate and controllable and tolerant of the chaotic world around
you. This is the basic root of all happiness.
Bukowski about death (p. 140):
o Bukowski once wrote, “We’re all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should
make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by life’s trivialities;
we are eaten up by nothing.”