Infertility, Faith and Grief
I am a Christian counselor who works with teen girls and women (as well as men
occasionally). Being a certified Christian counselor means I get to address all of life's challenges,
but when my solutions are presented they are through the lens of my Christian faith. My clients
and I tackle obstacles such as depression, anxiety, anger, grief and whatever else this life presents
to us. Grief is an area where I am doing more work in lately.
So how does grief get brought up in an infertility article? Grief is not only a loss of a
person, but is also a loss of a long held idea, a future one has imagined or even a way of life that is
no longer possible. No woman imagines that she will struggle with infertility one day. As young
girls, I imagine we picture our futures with a spouse and children in our happy home. This idea gets
shattered along the way when infertility is an issue. So there is grief when the way of life we
imagined and a way of life we see going on around us is not the life we get to live. Still, Jesus
never promised us a life with no issues, challenges, roadblocks or whatever you want to call the
hard times of life. “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will
have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33
NLT)
You see, I had a particularly difficult season of pain, grief and growth myself. In 2011, my
oldest son was killed in a car accident. Zachary was about to turn 15 that October, while starting
high school and getting his learner’s permit. He was on the beginning page of a new chapter. I was
left a single mom with a 7 year old son and a 5 year old daughter to continue to raise, all while
grieving my oldest child. Out of this incredibly mind numbing pain, Jesus was there. Just as He is
with you in your growing season. I call it a growing season because I do not know what Abba’s
plans for you may be, but if you let Him guide you, He will grow your faith and your relationship
with Him. The verse that I clung to during this time was “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.“ (Psalm 34:18 NLT) For me, this is the thought that
got me through the nights. Nights were always the hardest part of the day. Maybe you find it is
for you as well, or maybe not. Whichever time of the day is the hardest, please remember not to
believe every thought you tell yourself. Please find safe places for you to share those thoughts
you think only you think. Support during this time is crucial.
A few tips that may help you during this time.
● Make sure you are taking good care of yourself - Getting enough sleep, hydration and
healthy foods are a must.
● Get connected - Being around women who are going through the same season as you will
help you. Support groups usually can be found online and in person.
● Get all the negativity out of your life - Words are powerful! Whether people are speaking
over you or to you, only positive thoughts are allowed. Positive thoughts help your brain
to physically grow while negative thoughts cause your brain to shrink. (Science and Dr.
Caroline Leaf have all the documented information if you want information.)
● Express yourself with Abba - He already knows what you are thinking and feeling, so go
ahead. Tell Him exactly what you feel and think. His shoulders are big enough to handle it
and His heart loves you more than you can imagine.
● Journaling - Journal has a therapeutic effect. Journaling is not just writing words on a
paper. It can be any artistic expression, dance routine, or whatever your gifts may be.
● Consider counseling - Find a counselor who specializes either in infertility or women's
issues. A counselor who will include your faith and values in session is a good place to
start. The therapeutic relationship is the most important part of counseling. Don’t be
afraid to try more than one or two counselors to find the right one.
Your faith is the most important relationship in life. Abba has not forgotten you and is not
punishing you. He knows everything that will be and is to come in your life. This season did not
catch him off guard. He would want me to remind you that “you are loved, you are loved, YOU
ARE LOVED”. You may not understand what is going on right now, but one day you will. Each of
you are in my prayers always.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love
God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NLT)
“Melissa Trickey is a board certified Christian counselor in Loganville, GA. She works at
Hometown Christian Counseling and Family Services, LLC. She can be reached in the office at
770-554-3599.