Conscious Coaching
Field Guide 2
Turning Theory into practice
B r e t t B a rt h o l o m e w
Conscious Coaching
Field Guide 2
Turning Theory into practice
B r e t t B a rt h o l o m e w
Copyright © 2017 Brett Bartholomew
All rights reserved.
This field guide provides hands-on activities that challenge you to build
on the skills you’ve learned in Bought In by putting the theory into
practice. They’re designed to help you build trust and commitment in
athletes, improve your communication and conflict management skills,
and ultimately become a better leader.
You can either do the activities in order from 1 through 5, or read through
them and pick those that are the most helpful for the scenarios you’re
dealing with in your work, or for growing the skills you or your staff need
to improve.
The activities each comprise:
Overview – an introduction to the skills you’ll be working on
Application – step-by-step guidelines that make the activity
easy to follow
– extra advice and guidance on doing the
activity successfully
Activity 1: 20 Questions
Suitable for: Pairs
Overview
We’re all familiar with coaching staff who try to establish their credibility
by acting as though they know it all. But genuine authority relies on
building knowledge and wisdom, which comes not from pretending to
have all the answers, but rather from learning how to ask better questions.
This activity will help you learn how to ask meaningful questions to get
a deeper understanding of athletes, their frames of reference, and their
views. The goal is to learn how to ask better questions on the fly, and it
requires you to play off your partner, just like on the coaching floor.
Aim to set yourself apart as a coach or staff member known for asking
the kind of questions that lead to real understanding, while the rest
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pretend they’ve already figured out the “secret formula” just to keep up
appearances and protect their pride.
Application
1.) Partner A takes the role of the athlete and asks Partner B an
open-ended question (i.e., a question that doesn’t have a yes/
no answer). Partner B doesn’t answer the question, but instead
immediately fires back with a question of his or her own. Then
it’s Partner A’s turn again, and so on. Neither partner can repeat
a question that a previous partner asked. They can, however,
reformat the question to build off it.
Acceptable
Partner A: How does lifting weights help me get faster?
Partner B: How do you think getting faster will help you in your
sport?
Unacceptable
Partner A: How does lifting weights help me get faster?
Partner B: How do you think lifting weights will get you faster?
Partner B’s question in the second example is a valid question,
but for this activity it’s not acceptable because it simply piggybacked off Partner A with little to no creativity, and it doesn’t
help Partner B gain a better understanding of the athlete.
Instead it just tests what they know about a specialized topic.
The goal is to get to know the other person, not to make them
feel dumb.
2.) Continue until you and your partner have asked at least 20
open-ended questions without any pauses longer than than 5
seconds.
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Helping Hand
Be sure to mix up the words you use to start your questions, such as: How,
Why, What, When, Do you think ..., Are you...
To make the activity more challenging, turn it into a competition. Switch
partners, ban cliche questions or certain topics or phrases, speed up the
clock, and try to throw one another off track with questions that switch
up the pace or format.
Activity 2: Join the Dark Side
Suitable for: One person or a group
Overview
Out of the many intriguing topics in the psycho-social domain of
coaching and leadership, perhaps none are more intriguing than the darksided leadership traits. Traditionally, we have been taught that world-class
coaching requires socially desirable traits and a “servant based” attitude
towards athletes and people we work for.
This is partially true in that of course we should maintain the best interests
of our athletes at all times by adhering to sound ethics, training practices,
health and safety standards, and all laws, including those pertaining to
equal rights. None of those baseline coaching standards are up for debate.
What I would like to deconstruct here, though, is the idea that a great
coach is always warm and fuzzy, or is always the kind of person who
says “Everyone is a winner” or “Everyone is special” or “Everyone did
their best.” There is a plethora of research showing that truly effective
leadership relies on the strategic deployment of socially undesirable
behaviors as well as socially desirable ones, especially during times of
conflict. In the dynamic world of coaching and athletic competition
things are not always what they seem, and athletes do not benefit from
being coddled. So in Module 2 of Bought In, I discuss not only “bright
side” traits such as emotional stability and charisma but also the value of
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strategically using “dark-sided” traits such as narcissism, hubris and even
psychopathy.
This activity will help you and/or your staff learn more about how to
selectively deploy dark-sided strategies, especially during times of conflict.
Application
1.) Individually or as a staff, write down 5-10 times you
experienced conflict or a sticking point with an athlete, staff
member, or someone else who is a part of your organization.
State the desired long-term end result of the parties involved
(the target and the agent). For example:
A sport coach adamantly demands that you punish a group of
athletes by making them perform a “punishment workout,”
even though you know it is not in the best interest of the athletes’
performance in their game tomorrow. You know that what the sport
coach wants to see here is their athletes working hard and learning
their lesson – in other words, he or she is hoping this punishment
will serve as a deterrent to them engaging in the same behaviors
in the future. You also want the athletes to be held accountable,
but NOT at the expense of their athletic performance in the big
game. In other words, you know that “burying them” could lead to
a bigger issue down the road (losing the game), which compounds
the issue by taking the team further away from their goals.
2.) Consult chapter 2 of my book Conscious Coaching (page 77 of
the printed edition) or this article by Cruikshank and Collins
for a description of the dark-sided traits.
3.) For each of the conflict situations you wrote down in step
1, think of at least 3 ways you could have used behaviors
associated with dark-sided traits to achieve a desired outcome.
For instance, you might have been able to influence someone
else’s behavior, which could have aided in the achievement of
an athlete’s or colleague’s long-term goal. For example:
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Employing a Machiavellian tactic, you could “trick” the sport
coach by putting the athletes through a workout that appears more
physically grueling than it is. The athletes are still disciplined, but
without detriment to their performance tomorrow.
Be sure to include the specific behaviors or strategies you
would deploy to influence the situation. State why you believe
these tactics would be more effective than traditional remedies.
Helping Hand
When you start out with this activity, you might find it confronting or
off-putting to think about using dark-sided traits to influence people
and situations. Just remember: we’re talking about strategically deploying
these traits in specific situations, not actually becoming, say, a narcissist
or sociopath. It might also be helpful to know that the use of dark-sided
leadership tactics is widespread. For instance, their effectiveness is seen
not only in the realm of sport but also in Fortune 500 companies worldwide.
In 2017, I had the good fortune of being invited to speak to staff at
Microsoft, Turner and Facebook. These companies make a living off
thinking about things from all angles, even when outcomes are hard
to anticipate because of an ever-changing marketplace. This visionary
dynamic is certainly very exciting for staff at these companies, but I learned
that it also can create a tremendous amount of disagreements, arguments,
and conflict internally. So instead of standing up and speaking like some
motivational guru who would tell them about how to create better habits
and the like, I focused on their reality: I spoke about how dark-sided
leadership strategies should be embraced in chaotic environments.
History is a great resource here because there are valuable lessons to be
learned by studying leaders of the past, military tactics, the structure
and government of great empires, and what caused those empires to fall.
History shows us that innovation-based problems like those faced by tech
companies aren’t the only things that should be viewed from all sides
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– leadership behavior should be as well. There is no place for a cookiecutter CEO in a cutthroat world. I still give versions of this talk today,
and it’s always a bit fun to see a smile slowly creep across the audience’s
face when they learn that they can be a little more Dexter and a little less
Mr. Rogers in order to get results.
Activity 3: Alternate Angles
Suitable for: One person or a group
Overview
It is inevitable that athletes will often have different viewpoints than us
on the methods we employ. Such is the reality of heuristics, bias, and
human nature. We’ve all had the experience where we asked an athlete to
do something for their benefit either now or in the long term, and they
viewed our request as an annoyance, a slight, or a waste of time. Many a
coach has decided that the only choice available at that point is to bend to
the athlete’s will or take disciplinary action. This may work for a certain
subset of athletes, but more often than not, it will poison the coachathlete relationship over the long term. And potentially, the athlete may
submit in the present only to defy the coach in the future.
A better approach is to prepare yourself for proactive conflict resolution
by taking the time to learn about your athletes’ viewpoints and common
frames of reference. This is far more effective than walking into a coaching
situation blind to your athletes’ perspectives and stubbornly expecting
them to abandon what they think overnight. Athletes are the experts in
themselves, not you.
Conflict is more than a minor cognitive disagreement between people:
it also involves strong emotional reactions such as prominent displays
of frustration, isolation, confrontation, and the like (Wachsmuth, Jowett
and Harwood 2017, and Paradis, Carron, & Martin 2014). Understand
that as a coach, you are only going to make a lasting change in your
athletes’ thinking if they decide to let you in and trust you. Sure, you
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can threaten to tell their head sport coach if they aren’t adhering to your
orders, but aren’t you paid to help guide, teach, and educate? Take the
time to work on finding creative solutions before you involve others.
Those in your administration will respect you more for not making your
problem their own.
In this activity, you’re going to create an action plan based on the “3R
Approach” in chapter 4 of Conscious Coaching. The 3Rs are: Research,
Relate, and Reframe. Using this approach, you learn more about your
athletes, and then communicate with them in a way that shows you have
mutually aligned values or experiences. The 3R Approach is based on
research showing that people tend to listen to those who are similar to
them, possess a quality they think will help them, or that they respect
(or envy).
Application
1.) Create an action plan that includes at least 3 examples of
questions, statements, or tactics you can utilize within each of
the 3Rs:
a.)
Research – How can you more effectively research an
athlete’s drives, fears, and desires? It will require you to
ask open-ended questions and really listen in order to
figure out what matters to the athlete at the deepest level.
The options are endless. For instance, you might ask who
was their favorite coach, and why, which will provide
information on how they like to be coached. The more
thorough your internal profile of the beliefs and goals
of each athlete, the more effective you will be at leading
them.
b.) Relate – What can you do to more effectively relate to
the information an athlete tells you? Research shows that
creating a more effective and authentic relational coaching
environment leads to enhanced performance outcomes
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and communication between coach and athlete. This is
done in part by offering up information about yourself.
For example, you could talk about your past as an athlete
or your former struggles, or tell anecdotes about people
you’ve worked with previously who may share similarities
to the athlete such as their upbringing or interests outside
of sport. This can and should be done casually and over
time.
c.)
Reframe – How can you more effectively reframe your
message to an athlete regarding the training process, a
method, or the desired outcome in a way that the athlete
will get it? Effective communication is not just a matter of
what you say, but also how you say it. For example:
Some athletes in the world of combat sports believe that heavy
strength training will “slow them down.” Providing them
with research papers that show otherwise is an analytical
argument that is not likely to be effective by itself. What can
you do to address the emotional side of their fear that heavy
strength training will negatively impact their performance?
You could show them examples of fighters who strength
train yet are still fast and explosive. Or you could utilize a
contrast method approach to help them “feel” the effects of
potentiation and thus experience firsthand the impact it has
on their performance.
2.) Put this action plan down on paper in a way that makes sense
to you. Some people make a flowchart, while others create a
spreadsheet, an infographic, or a playbook-style card.
3.) When conflict arises, refer to your action plan to help you
identify where the misstep or miscommunication took place
and what you can do to ameliorate it.
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Helping Hand
You are doing your best work as a coach when you are akin to a
maestro conducting an orchestra. It’s not about the performance of one
instrument, but how the symphony blends together. Cynical critics will
lead you to believe that taking the time to create a more personal and
effective relational environment is simply not worth the time and effort,
because any particular athlete could be gone the next day after getting cut
by the team or leaving to train at another facility. This is lazy thinking.
Great coaching focuses not just on the technical aspects, but on the
relational ones as well.
If creating a spreadsheet or other document isn’t something you enjoy
doing, then make this activity less complex by doing it with staff in an
improv fashion, where you act out roles and situations that may come up
during coaching. Alternatively, you could ask an athlete to interview you
and thus reverse the process.
Activity 4: Onset to Encore
Suitable for: One person, a pair, or a group
Overview
Creating the right type of training environment is essential to enhancing
results, because the athletes’ environment shapes the vast majority of
their behaviors. To fully understand how important your briefing and
debriefing process is to creating an optimal environment for your athletes,
just think about how easily our thoughts can be influenced. Thoughts are
processed and exchanged far more rapidly than any muscle could ever
hope to fire. The words we hear, sensations we feel, and emotions we
experience influence these thoughts during every moment of every day.
You don’t need me to tell you that within the realm of performance, where
the head goes, the body often follows. Many of you have likely witnessed
firsthand the degree to which perception precedes targeted action.
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When we coach, there is the substance of what we do, and then there is
the style in which we do it. Consider your style as the subtext of your
message – told not just in words, but also in the way you go about framing
and leading the overall session. This concept is the essence of what I call
the “Onset to Encore” approach of briefing and debriefing.
In Module 4 of Bought In, I discuss “talking in color,” which involves
communicating with your athletes in a way that creates a vivid picture
in their minds, which makes a link between what you’re saying and
something they want or already understand. The intent here is to
consistently search for more personal and impactful ways to transmit your
message to its intended audience.
Fundamental to the Art of Coaching is the ability to simplify a message
down to its core and communicate it to others in a way that makes them
care about it and makes them feel empowered. For example, few athletes
care about the technical jargon describing precisely what is going on in
their central nervous system when they squat a load at or above 85% of
their 1RM; they only care about how it may help them perform better.
The take-home message here is to continually learn how to better refine
your message. You need to be able to see the world through your athletes’
eyes so that you can frame-up and summarize what will be taking place
during training that day, week, or month. This helps athletes become
better connected with the training process and also gives them a greater
sense of co-ownership in their results.
In the Onset to Encore activity you will practice briefing and debriefing,
so you can develop your communication skills and consistently create the
best possible environment for your training sessions.
Application
We all have time restrictions on our training sessions, so any notion of
delivering an inspirational Braveheart speech should go by the wayside.
Instead, focus on clarity and conciseness as you follow these steps on your
own, in a group, or with a partner.
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1.) Decide on the points you want to cover in the day’s training
session. Be sure to include the following:
a.)
If you were to accomplish nothing else, what would be
the most important take-home message to get across to
your athletes? This could be the qualities the athletes are
to develop, skills they are to learn, or any other outcome
relevant to the situation or their needs.
b.)
Stay away from cliches and abstract terms such as “mental
toughness.” Be specific and clear as to why it should
matter to them and how it can help.
c.)
Of course you want them to go all out, but you may
also want to focus on small yet important things such as
taking the necessary time with rest periods, being sure to
record weights, being smart about always using a spotter,
or being mindful to focus on themselves during training
and not get caught up on the people next to them.
2.) Set a timer for 30 seconds or less, start the clock, and practice
delivering your briefing in front of other staff. If you’re doing
this activity alone, set up a camera to record your briefing.
3.) Follow the same steps and practice your debrief or post-training
breakdown as well. Examples of key points include:
a.)
Remind them of your earlier talking points and how they
pertain to the ultimate objective.
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b.)
Reinforce good learning behaviors and stay locked in on
goals for next time.
c.)
What can they do to set themselves up for future success
based on the lessons of today?
4.) Once you’re finished, ask the other coaches to review your
performance based on the following criteria, or watch the video
and review yourself:
a.)
Did you touch on all or most of the points mentioned
above?
b.) Did you make eye contact with everyone in the room?
c.) Did you use the names of several different athletes in the
room?
d.) Did you smile, inject any elements of humor, or other
forms of relational language (verbal or non-verbal)?
e.) Did you sound robotic or authentic?
f.) Did you address any concerns that are common amongst
your athletes?
Helping Hand
The power of keeping your “ear to the ground” and being aware of the
overall mental and emotional pulse of your athletes is critical for successful
briefs and debriefs. What is your team’s “pain point”? What are their hotbutton issues, and how have those issues spilled over into their training?
Knowing your desired training objective is the easy part. Figuring out
how to put it in words that resonate with the athlete who is the least
enthusiastic about training is the difficult piece. Find out what that
athlete’s feeling – whether it is insecurity, fear, or lack of understanding
– and do your best to get in front of it. The key to your ability to do
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that is knowing your athletes and the heritage of their environment, both
internal and external.
Activity 5: Life is Comedy
Suitable for: One person or a group
Overview
Laughter is often described as the shortest distance between two people.
It is also one of the best forms of proactive conflict management. As a
coach, you will likely find yourself working with a wide range of clients
and athletes over the course of your career, including: the pouty youth
athlete, the socially withdrawn teenager, the primadonna professional, or
the downtrodden and unconfident collegiate long-shot. When dealing
with individuals like these, there is no “magic bullet,” but getting them to
laugh occasionally doesn’t hurt.
Regardless of your coaching demeanor, be prepared with a few classic
one-liners, appropriate jokes, or light-hearted sayings you can draw on,
especially when things get tough. Many coaches have a hard time with
this because they fear their athletes then won’t take them seriously. Relax,
nobody is advocating that you show up to work in clown shoes – only
that you’re not a robot.
Comedy isn’t an easy profession. Improv troupes such as the notorious
Second City clan based out of Chicago are just as cut-throat – if not more
so – than any professional sporting organization. With alumni including
the likes of Dan Aykroyd, the Belushi brothers, Chris Farley, John Candy,
Bill Murray, and Tina Fey, its comedians must work on their act day after
day if they hope to stay relevant. You don’t need to go to that length, but
if witty banter isn’t natural to you, it doesn’t hurt to upskill a bit. Here are
some pointers to help you do that.
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Application
Everyone has their own form
of delivery. Growing up in my house, you were either quickwitted or you got humiliated (lovingly). One of my closest
friends, Jim, is a savant of dry humor. When I’m around him,
I often alternate between wanting to cry laughing and wanting
to punch him in the face because of his sarcasm. At the other
end of the spectrum, I once worked with a massage therapist
who told the absolute worst dad jokes I had ever heard, but
our collegiate and professional athletes absolutely loved him
because he brought an element of levity to their days. Do
whatever works for you.
If you are having trouble identifying your comedic identity,
consider your family upbringing, culture, values, and customs.
The clues are there – just do some thinking about your
background and your crazy family (yes, all families are crazy).
This is the easy part, if you are paying
attention. You do realize how many funny things happen on a
daily basis when you’re training athletes of all ages, genders, or
backgrounds, right? These people are clowns, and often have
their finger on the pulse of the ridiculousness of pop culture.
My point? Always listen and observe the world, as everything
around you can be used or shared for comedic effect. Allow the
funny things people say, and the way they behave and carry
themselves, to arm you with ideas. All that is left is for you to
then put your own spin on the organic material.
Perform. Professional teams often have a “rookie showcase”
where players have to get up and perform some kind of act
or skit. Try leveraging this idea in creative ways for your
own purposes and in staff development. For example, I have
aspiring interns send a video of a two-minute improv skit along
with their resume and some coaching videos. The purpose of
the improv skit? I need to see their personality in its rawest
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form if they ever hope to share the floor with the athletes I’m
working with. Anyone can put together a polished resume and
even doctor up some videos of themselves teaching a clean, but
two minutes of “figure it out” airtime? That is a punch in the
gut, and they are going to have to get creative to figure it out.
Those are the kinds of adaptive thinkers I want to work with.
Taking a cue from the step above, have a staff
outing to see an improv troupe perform, bring in an improv
coach, or run your own improv session with your staff. Your
improv session doesn’t have to be comedy: you could have two
staff members act out roles and situations that coaches may
experience. Fellow coaches can yell out situations or personas
for the two coaches to act out. This will help them develop
skills for adapting to a changing situation and keeping it going
on the fly. Like it or not, coaching is improv in the truest form,
as you can never be fully prepared for all the situations that will
arise in our dynamic environment.
Helping Hand
Don’t bypass this aspect of conscious coaching because you look at it as
simply “performing.” Improv is tough stuff, and it puts on display every
vulnerability and insecurity you have. No amount of tenure or experience
as a coach excuses you from finding ways to continually improve. If you
don’t want to do it for your own benefit, at least do it for the benefit of
other staff.
***
here.
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