Last name 1 Name Teacher’s Name Course Date Teenagehood: The Battle of Identities According to Aristotle, the youth of centuries ago were “in a condition like permanent intoxication, because youth is sweet and they are growing.” Alas, the constant growth and disorientation in teenagers today is no different. Teenagehood -- a prominent theme in the novel A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews -- is a balancing struggle between one’s actions, relationships with other people, and one’s thoughts. Through the memories and experiences of 16-year-old Naomi ‘Nomi’ Nickel, readers investigate exactly this; keeping in mind the perspective of a lost teenager with a uniquely captivating identity: that of a Mennonite. As challenging as it may be, this is a crucial time in Nomi’s development. Arguably the most effective way to grasp an individual’s true personality is through their actions. Given this, Toews presents Nomi with a variety of acts that define her as somebody going through teenagehood. Firstly, Nomi’s immaturity shines through in the way she communicates with others. For instance, she is quick to talk back to her teachers, like Mr. Quiring, and tries to make witty remarks with everyone, from her friends to members of her own family. These actions are attempts to appear “cool” and under control, and they are not uncommon in teenagers. Sometimes Nomi’s efforts backfire, like in this instance when speaking to Mr. Quiring, and she understands that her behaviour is inappropriate: “Should you be seeing the guidance counsellor, Nomi? he asked. Should you? I said. I’d reverted to age nine.” (Toews 208) In addition to how Nomi talks, Toews includes a multitude of situations where our young protagonist tries to find where she belongs in the world. In an effort to find herself, Nomi decides to pray. “Dear God. I don’t know what I want or who I am. Apparently you do. Um... that’s great. Never mind. This is stupid. What am I doing?” (100) Last name 2 Nomi is lost, and her inability to comprehend who she is relates directly to that “permanent intoxication” Aristotle described. Throughout the novel, Nomi tries to desperately figure out where she lies amidst the people around her: she cannot tell if she is ambitious like her mother, discreet like her father, rebellious like her sister, artistic like Travis, or if she is her own being, altogether. Finding oneself is the greatest quest in a person’s lifetime, and it happens to take place during the wobbly and bewildering years of teenagehood. As another detail, Nomi’s actions are not only immature and disoriented, but also inconsiderate. On numerous occasions, Nomi is described to be going out with teenagers of bad influence. Through these instances, Nomi ends up encountering people that partake in substance use and abuse, underage alcohol consumption, and cigarette smoking (the latter two which she involves herself with, too). As a teenager, Nomi’s judgement is significantly skewed, so she never thinks twice about the impact of her actions. Just like that, author Miriam Toews sets the stage for the reader to witness the, perhaps unfortunately, typical life of a teenager. Readers, like Nomi, are amazed and perplexed at how multifaceted life can really be. Another worthy contributor to a teenage journey is the relationship that one develops with the people surrounding oneself. Indeed, the stereotype is true: youth, especially those of today, are not nearly vocal enough with voicing their thoughts and concerns with others. According to psychologists from the New York Times, this is partially due to the teenager’s worry that people will have the wrong reaction, and also because simply talking, quite frankly, does not seem to be a productive solution. In the novel, Nomi’s inability to have significant conversations with her father is a prime example of this. “Went home. Came down. Got sad. There was a note on the kitchen table. Nomi: Any plans for after graduation? That’s how we communicated large, vague ideas... Then I wrote. Dear Dad: I intend to become a model of courage and dignity.” (200) It is evident that Nomi neither tries to convey and talk about feeling sad, nor take her father’s questions seriously by provoking some thought into her answer. Nomi’s relationship with her father, as with many other characters in the novel, is weakly upheld by short and shallow comments. The youth of today face similar struggles, stemming from the unwant of having to Last name 3 explain everything. As a result, people like Nomi are left in the dark; nobody knows what is going on in her head -- and that could be dangerous. In addition to invocality, Nomi’s relationship seems to lie on a very ‘good guy, bad guy’ basis. Her description of characters throughout the novel is extremely black and white, as she does not bother to consider different perspectives. In other words, Nomi Nickel is quick, yet often inaccurate, to judge. For instance, when discussing Travis, her boyfriend, Nomi lets the reader know early on in the book that “everything about him looked perfect to me.” (70) It is clear that Nomi sees no faults in him, but when it comes to his parents, she has another very defined opinion. As she visits Travis’ house one night, she is told by his parents that he is not home -- and suddenly, they become the ‘bad guys’ in Nomi’s eyes. She talks back to them, and openly questions their intentions: “I’m sorry but I have this feeling you’re lying to me, I said. Is Travis here? She said he wasn’t and then his dad came to the door with a newspaper and asked her what the problem was. Nomi’s wondering where Travis is, she said. He’s doing a job for me, said his dad. You see, Nomi, I wasn’t lying, said his mom. No, he’s not, I said. I drove all over ****** Lowe Farm and didn’t see him anywhere” (224) Nomi constantly rejects and approves people around her, as she pleases. During teenagehood for people in real life, healthy and positive relationships are difficult to uphold because of this same phenomenon. The desire to judge people develops exponentially as teens are exposed to a variety of new information, thus preventing even Nomi from thinking fittingly. By no means do cognitive functions slow down during teenage years. In fact, to compensate for a lack of verbal expression, much of an individual’s teenagehood is spent immersed in one’s own thoughts. For Nomi, the reader quickly learns that the thoughts that go through her mind are rather depressing. Right from the beginning, Toews makes this clear by constructing Nomi’s phrases as short, to the point, and with unpleasant words to maximize Last name 4 imagery. Nomi is not afraid to tell us on the first page that her house has “one shattered window”, the “better-looking half” of her family is missing, and that she is “already anticipating failure” (1). These are the words of a lost teen; one that chooses not to search for the good in the situation -- one that does not bother to maintain hope. In the novel, Naomi Nickel’s thoughts oftentimes allow her to get ahead of herself, as she opens up and goes indepth into serious topics. She tells the reader all about her childhood, which in her opinion, was a much better time: her mother was not gone, her sister was by her side, and she was young with no problems. Nomi mentions her wish to “go back to being a normal family again” (147) so often, it seems to be her mantra in life. Even in the end, as she recalls her life thus far for the final time, Nomi cannot help but remember how much better life seemed before: “Truthfully, this story ends with me still sitting on the floor of my room wondering who I’ll become if I leave this town and remembering when I was a little kid and how I loved to fall asleep in my bed breathing in the smell of freshly cut grass and listening to the voices of my sister and mother talking and laughing in the kitchen and the sounds of my dad poking around in the yard, making things beautiful right outside my bedroom window.” (246) Naomi Nickel had a wonderful childhood. That being said, her thoughts do not have to continue to circle back to another time, but she should be living in-the-moment, making inthe-moment decisions. Teenagehood is a middle-ground between reminiscing a carefree time of constant laughter, freedom, and hospitality -- and dreading an unknown world of responsibilities, struggles, and judgement. With all this on one’s mind, no wonder it can sometimes be difficult to focus on what is at hand. Teenagehood is evidently no easy process, but it is just as difficult as it is necessary. Readers of A Complicated Kindness witnessed this journey through just one girl, and discovered that indeed, it is no other than a balancing act between one’s actions, relationships, and thoughts. Despite the pressing internal battle teenagers face every day, we ought to keep pushing through because eventually, we will mould into an adult form -- a stage that promises to yield less of this daunting “permanent intoxication”, and more of our true identity.
