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How to Calm an Autistic Child During a Meltdown - Otsimo

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13 min · Tips and Activities
July 27, 2020
How to Calm an Autistic Child
During a Meltdown
It can get difficult to manage tantrums and meltdowns. Parents and caregivers
who experience this, often wonder how to calm their autistic child.
We wanted to gather some information on what are meltdowns and tantrums,
and how to deal with them.
What are the Causes of Meltdowns for
Children with Autism?
We should first define what meltdown actually is. A meltdown is an intense
response to overwhelming situations by the person.
This could happen when an individual is overwhelmed by the current situation.
It could cause loss of control.
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This can be exhibited in different manners. The loss of control shows through
verbal expressions like yelling or crying, or it can be physical like kicking or
biting.
There are cases where the response could be in both ways.
Here would be a good place to point out that autism meltdowns and temper
tantrums are actually not the same thing.
When you are looking into ways on how to calm an autistic child, you may
come across tantrums as well.
There may be a couple of underlying reasons for having a meltdown. It can be
triggered by so many different problems.
The key to understanding how to calm an autistic child lies with understanding
what it is that triggers the behavior.
The following are some of the common causes of meltdowns:
ADHD: Lack of focus or inability to tolerate boredom can contribute to
outbursts
Learning issues: A learning disorder could cause frustration and lead to
meltdowns
Anxiety: This is another major contributor. A child can get overwhelmed
when faced with uncomfortable situations.
Sensory issues: Sensory issues cause children to feel overwhelmed which
leads to meltdowns.
Lack of skills to handle situations: Children who lack the skills to cope with
certain situations or emotions could experience meltdowns.
Meltdowns are not the only way that an individual with autism can show they
are overwhelmed.
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Less obvious ways include refusal to interact, or withdrawing oneself from
challenging situations.
What is the Difference Between
Meltdown and Tantrum?
They may seem similar on the outside. Externally, meltdowns and tantrums
look really alike. But there are in fact differences between the two.
Tantrums can be seen in younger children as __willful__ behaviors. Not that
children plan to frustrate their parents or caregivers, but they want to express
their frustration.
However, a meltdown can be experienced throughout life. While tantrums
tend to go away as the child gets older, meltdowns may never go away.
It is important to note that children with autism can, of course, have classic
temper tantrums. But, understanding the difference between tantrums and
meltdowns can provide great insight.
Tantrums can be resolved through a certain kind of response, while the same
response can overwhelm the child during a meltdown.
If you are looking for ways on how to calm an autistic child, understanding the
difference between meltdowns and tantrums can come in handy.
There are a couple of ways to figure out the difference between the two:
Audience: When ignored, tantrum behavior usually stops . Or when the child
gets what they want, they may stop the behavior. But an autistic meltdown
will occur regardless of an audience, as it is a response to an overload of
external stimuli causing emotional explosion. This could even happen when
they are alone.
Angry vs. Overwhelmed: Tantrums stem from being angry or frustrated. But
autistic meltdowns are generally a reaction to being overwhelmed Autistic
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autistic meltdowns are generally a reaction to being overwhelmed. Autistic
individuals can’t control their meltdowns. Strategies like hugs, incentives or
distractions that work on tantrums will not be beneficial for meltdowns.
Getting What They Want: Tantrums could be goal oriented. This means that
a tantrum in a young child is typically a result of getting what they want. This
could be a toy or not doing a certain routine or eating only a certain type of
food. These tantrums can be more frequent when the child is tired or not
feeling well, but there is generally a goal behind it.
However, autistic meltdown is caused by being overwhelmed.
Triggers include:
Sensory overload
Emotional overload
Informational overload
The external behaviors like crying or yelling similar to tantrums may occur. Or
they can completely shut down.
What Do Meltdowns Look Like?
Meltdowns can look different .) in each autistic person. The individual can
withdraw, shut down, zone out, stare into space, or fall into repetitive
movements.
They may also cry uncontrollably, scream, growl, bite, curl up into a ball.
Many individuals with autism will show signs of distress before having the
meltdown. This is called the “ rumble state ”.
To calm themselves down, the individual may:
Start pacing around,
Ask repetitive questions,
Rock back and forth,
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Become very still.
This could be the window to prevent a meltdown.
What Do Tantrums Look Like?
Tantrums differ from one child to another. They can be spectacular explosions
of anger.
The child may “lose it” with frustration and disorganized behavior.
During tantrums , the child may cry, stiffen up, scream, kick things around, fall
down or run away. Some children hold their breath, and some even vomit.
They may break things around the house. Children with autism could get
aggressive when they are throwing a tantrum fit.
This is how autistic children may express their frustration with the challenges
that they are facing.
Thirst , hunger, tiredness: Some examples that can lead to tantrums.
When they get frustrated, they get angry. And when they get angry, they can
throw a tantrum.
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How to Calm Down an Autistic Child
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How to Calm Down an Autistic Child
During a Meltdown?
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A meltdown is generally a reaction by the individual as they are overwhelmed.
The first thing in learning how to calm an autistic child is to identify what is
actually overwhelming for them.
By identifying the trigger, the meltdowns could be prevented later on. Keep a
diary to see if meltdowns occur at particular times or places. However, there
are also things to try while the autistic child is having a meltdown to calm them
down. Here are some tips and strategies:
Have a calming routine: Although the meltdown could drain them of
energy; having a calming routine in place for the autistic child could help
them calm down further. This routine could include certain visuals that the
child likes or music, or a weighted blanket they like.
Safety first: Meltdowns may unintentionally hurt both the child and others
around them. Children with autism may, for instance, fall or hit their heads,
or they could hit you or bite you. It may be a good idea to have a strategy in
place to make it safe for the duration of the meltdown.
Keep a diary: Taking notes on when and where the meltdown occurs could
help in preventing future ones. This could also be helpful in that you can see
the signs of meltdown beforehand and start the calming routine to deescalate the situation. If you understand what triggers meltdowns, you may
be able to stop it beforehand.
Try to stay calm: It is important that you are not adding stress and
escalating the situation more while your child is having a meltdown. They
are tough, but meltdowns are part of autism. The best way to help is to
learn to cope with them and have a strategy at hand.
Use items: Sometimes calming devices like a fidget toy could alleviate the
effects.
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Don’t be logical: Don’t try to reason with your child when they are having a
meltdown. They are going through a stressful time as it is and they can’t be
reasoned with until the meltdown is over. Be patient.
Always be there: Make sure that you are within reach of your child in case
they want you during meltdown. Keep a neutral face and try to be calm.
How to Handle a Meltdown in Public
This can happen to anyone. Parents and caregivers could be low on patience
while also hurting for their struggling child.
Remember that autistic children do not have meltdowns and cry or flail just to
get at you.They cry because they need to release tension from their bodies in
some way. They are overwhelmed with emotions or sensory stimulations.
There are some ways to effectively support your child when they are having a
meltdown in public. Here are some of them.
Equip them with coping skills: Meltdowns can’t be helped at that very
moment. But afterwards, you can teach your child how to regulate their
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emotions. Try relaxing activities like going for walks. These calming activities
will help them calm down even before the meltdown happens.
Feeling safe and loved: Trying to talk a child down from having a meltdown is
not a great strategy when it comes to calm an autistic child. Be there for them.
Let them know that they are safe at that moment. Stay close as much as their
comfort allows. Don’t leave them alone to be out of a meltdown and find no
one in the room. This could send a message that they don’t deserve to be
around the people they love when it gets tough.
Empathy is key: Listen and understand their situation. Tell them expressing
emotions is okay, and sometimes it can get overwhelming. If your child with
autism can feel like they are being heard, they will feel that their experience is
validated. Try to give them tools to express themselves in a safe way.
Don’t punish: Punishment will get you nowhere. They can make your child feel
more ashamed or afraid. They can’t control their meltdowns, so they should
not be punished. Allow them the opportunity and space to feel their feelings
and let them know you are there to support them along the way.
Have a sensory toolkit: You can keep a couple of sensory toys in your bag
when you are going out. These will keep the mind of your child occupied when
they are overwhelmed. Try not to force these to the child during meltdown.
What to Do When My Child is Having a
Tantrum?
1. Tantrum vs. Meltdown
Before you intervene in any way, try to figure out whether your child is having
an autism meltdown or tantrum. As we discussed earlier, they may look similar
but they need different approaches.
Meltdowns are a response to external stimulation, while tantrums can occur
when a need is not being met
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when a need is not being met.
How to Calm an Autistic Child During a Meltdown | Otsimo
It is important to distinguish the two before having a strategy to manage the
situation.
2. Figure out the motivation
Understanding what lies behind the tantrum behavior will give you the key to
manage it.
You will be able to respond to it more appropriately. They may want
something, like a toy or attention. Recognize this want without giving it to
them.
3. Remove the audience
Sometimes removing the audience from the environment, the tantrum will
stop. If you noticed this pattern, like your child tends to have tantrums in
crowded areas, teach them coping mechanisms in small gatherings.
Try removing yourself from the environment (but still being a place where they
can see you). It could also help reduce and stop tantrum.
4. Praise and reinforce positive behavior
Acknowledge the feelings of your child and praise them for their good
behavior.
You can give them a hug, or tell them how they managed to do the thing well.
These will avoid tantrum outbursts as your child will learn that they have your
attention and can be successful in doing things.
5. Build the necessary skills
We have discussed before that tantrums can be caused by lack of certain skills
like problem solving or negotiating.
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Try to create opportunities to build on skills related to:
impulse control,
communicating wishes and needs,
self-soothing,
problem solving,
delaying gratification
negotiation.
You can try practicing them after tantrums.
Sensory Tools for Meltdowns
You can prepare a toolkit to take anywhere you go, in your car or in your bag,
consisting of sensory tools to utilize during meltdowns. They will be able to
help on some level. Here are some suggestions to put in your toolkit .
Noise-cancelling headphones. A pair of noise cancelling headphones can
help calm an autistic child when the noise gets too loud for them.
Sunglasses. If your child has light sensitivity, a pair of sunglasses can help
them when it is too sunny or the fluorescent lights are too bright.
Weighted blanket/lap pad. Pressure can be an answer to how to calm an
autistic child. Weighted blankets and lap pads.
Snacks that are chewy or crunchy. Kids get crankier when they are
hungry. Crunchy ones can help with oral proprioceptive input as a calming
effect. Or if your child likes chewy snacks, they are another way to go.
Fidget toy. These are repetitive and simple tools that can offer calmness to
your child when they get agitated.
Scented hand lotion. If some odors in the environment is too much for your
child, you can use a hand lotion with a scent the child likes.
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Hand wipes. Children with tactile sensitivities can accidentally touch
something that can irritate them. These unscented hand wipes may help
with this.
Tips from Other Parents of Children with
Autism
Not all meltdowns and tantrums look the same on all children. Some of the tips
and tricks as well as strategies mentioned in this article may not be suitable for
your child while they can be helpful to others.
Remember that you are not alone. Tantrums and meltdowns are common in
children with autism. You can get inspiration or support from other parents
who are also dealing with this same issue.
The first thing parents suggest is to understand the difference between
tantrums and meltdowns. They have noticed that when their child is having a
meltdown, there is usually a trigger. They try to make a safe environment, like
taking the child to their room, so that the child will not hurt themselves.
From what the parents or caregivers explain, sometimes the child can also
select a place like a dark closet to have a meltdown where no one can reach
them. But the parents always stay close and when the child is more
comfortable, they try to help and comfort their child.
In the case of tantrums, sensory overload is generally not an issue. You should
be looking for the motivation behind the tantrums. Parents state that tantrums
don’t last as long as the meltdowns. Reinforcement and praise of positive
behavior at this stage helped a lot of parents.
A popular method for soothing the meltdown used by a lot of parents and
caregivers is weighted blankets and pressure. These have proven to be
effective in calming the child down. Some stated that as their child got older,
they managed to teach the child breathing exercises as well to help them self
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they managed to teach the child breathing exercises as well to help them selfsooth.
Another tip from the parents is related to stimming. There are some stim toys
and fidgets the child can use. Make sure to keep a couple around and have
them be something the child is interested in. Parents suggest that if you can
catch the meltdown at its early stages with these stim and fidget toys, it
becomes much easier to stop it.
Parents or loved ones of the child with autism also have suggestions on
making the environment safer for when the child is having a meltdown. You
can remove items that can hurt them and cushion their surroundings by
putting a pillow if they start to bang their heads. They suggest trying not to
speak to them or touching them during the meltdown as this may make things
worse.
Also, parents and caregivers state that children feel exhausted and
embarrassed after the meltdown is over. Try to convey them that you
understand how they feel and ask them if they want a cuddle or a glass of
water.
You can also speak to your child about their feelings, and let them know it is
okay to have those feelings.
This article is examined by Clinical Child Psychologist and
Ph. D. Researcher Kevser Çakmak, and produced by
Otsimo Editorial Team.
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This post does not provide medical advice. See Additional Information.
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