Yes, Together We Can Make It Work! – Seasons Magazine, by Benjamin Nortey
It was a lovely afternoon, and the auditorium was filled with friends, family members
and loved ones. All these people had gathered to witness the wedding ceremony
between a Kofi Scott and Adwoa Sam. The entire auditorium was beautifully
decorated in a navy blue and gold colour combination, and most close relatives and
friends of the couple were also dressed in same colours. The ceremony commenced at
exactly 1pm, after the bridal team had marched majestically to occupy the special
seats that were reserved for them in the front row of the auditorium. Even though the
entire ceremony was colorful and well organized; one aspect that caught my attention
was the passion with which the couple exchanged their marriage vows. They looked
straight into each other’s eyes with excitement as they exchanged the following vows:
“If things get better for us, I will love you.
If things do not get as better as we expected, I will still love you.
If we get rich beyond our wildest dreams, I will love you.
If we face temporal financial challenges, and don't own much, I will still love you.
If you remain healthy, I will love you.
If the enemy attacks your health, I will still love you.
No matter what happens, I will always love you.”
The vows they made to each other reminded me so much of the promise that Peter
made to Jesus in Mark 11: 31 “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown
you.” However, this same Peter forgot all about this promise and denied Jesus thrice
within a short time. Similarly, most couples also forget all about the promises or
vows that they make to each other right after the wedding ceremony. The marriage
vows that couples exchange with each other on their wedding day is something God
does not take lightly, and neither should they. It is my prayer that Kofi and Adwoa
will not behave like many other couples out there who often look at their vows as a
mere romantic formality. Many couple consider the exchange of vows to be a mere
part of the wedding ceremony or a part of a cultural tradition, or like singing the
national anthem before a football game or saying the national pledge at the start of a
school day. They do not attach any seriousness to it.
In Malachi 2:13-16, the prophet was saying in the scriptures that God is the witness
between a man and a woman when they vow their allegiance to one another.
Therefore the exchange of vows/ covenant is not only between those two people; it's
also between them and God. And God's blessing may be removed whenever we
neglect or "deal treacherously" with our spouse. Many couples are not having their
individual prayers answered because they have broken faith with their spouses. They
have broken the vows they made to each other in the presence of God. I don't think
this principle applies only to divorce. It's linked to the quality of your marriage as
well. Husbands, if you fail to "show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life,"
your prayers may be hindered.(1 Peter 3:7) Some of us think that we can deal lightly
with our spouses and have a heavy relationship with God, but it doesn't work that
way. God wants us to make our marriages a priority and be committed to working on
making them great.
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Many married couples cannot keep their vows simply because they do not see
marriage as a covenant. Instead they tend to treat marriage as a contract with certain
rights and responsibilities. A contract marriage is essentially, “You do your part and
I'll do mine,” or else! A covenant marriage on the other hand is putting the other
person first. It assumes a mutual response on the other person's part, but it's not
conditioned upon the other person's behavior. A covenant marriage is essentially, “I'll
do my part regardless of whether you do yours or not.”
Commitment is an essential key to a covenant marriage. Commitment shows how
dedicated the couple is to each other and to the relationship. It shows their willingness
and determination to stay with each other and in the marriage no matter what happens.
Commitment is a mindset, not a set of activities. It must begin right from courtship.
Even before the wedding day, each partner must be persuaded beyond doubt that
nothing whatsoever will be able to separate them from the love they have for each
other. I know that naturally, it is a very difficult decision to make, but with the help of
the Holy Spirit it is very possible. Some erroneously believe that a commitment like
“till death do us part” means foolishly locking yourself into a life-time of potential
unhappiness. They believe that no one should commit to a relationship that cannot
meet their needs. The needs of each partner do matter and should be part of the
overall commitment equation. But life and relationships are complicated, and there
will be stretches of time when you and your partner do not meet each other’s needs.
Commitment is what will get you through those rough stretches, enabling each of you
to get back on track in meeting each other’s needs once again. Commitment means
making a choice to give up choices, and when couples are committed to the
relationship, the union remains more important to them than their individual needs.
Without mutual commitment, deep trust will never take root and intimacy will wither.
Also, most Christian couples fail to keep their marriage vows because of their lack of
faith in God. Faith to me is total obedience to God’s word. Couples must not base
their judgments only on their feelings. They must build their marriage on faith. Even
when your spouse is guilty of sexual immorality such as adultery, which is one of the
limited conditions in the Bible for which divorce could be granted (Matthew 19:9),
you still will like to make decisions depending on God and His word instead of your
hurt feelings. There is always a solution to every marriage challenge in the Bible,
however, in those difficult times; it is very natural to be controlled by our feelings. It
takes willingness and an obedient attitude to stay married in times of trouble (Isaiah
1:19). God told the Prophet Hosea to go and show love to his wife again, even though
she loves another man and continually commits adultery (Hosea 3:1a). What a
difficult thing to do without faith. Faith says “I’m going to trust God no matter what I
see, no matter what I think, and no matter how I feel.” Faith does not mean you are
ignorant. It means you are walking in the will of God because you know the word of
God.
Most couples today enter into marriage with the idea that they deserve to have what
they want when they want it. They are less willing to deal with frustrating
circumstances or anything that feels like standing in their way of immediate
happiness. When you make decisions about your relationship based solely on the need
to feel happy (all the time), you abandon commitment and the rich opportunities that
are essential for your relationship to grow. Commitment is a belief in relationship
permanence and the understanding by couples that at times their union will need a
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life-jacket to stay afloat. A relationship is a lot like running a marathon. There are
highs and lows, challenges and rewards, and times when you may want to give up,
when it feels too difficult to continue. You start with so much strength and
enthusiasm. But when the initial strength and enthusiasm wanes and the painful, longdistance realities grip the relationship, it is sheer commitment to completing what they
started together that sustains the couple’s motivation as they reach for the finish line.
And when they have successfully crossed the line, they would hold hands and thank
God together saying “YES, TOGETHER WE HAVE MADE IT WORK.”
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