Midterm Review: Interpersonal Communication I
Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication:
Principles:
What qualifies as interpersonal?
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Interactions- quantity/ # of communicators”
Different types of communication/ who you are talking to changes how you talk to that
person
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Exchange of stories- conversation
Is it a process (steps) or phenomenon (experience)- It is arguable to be both
Simultaneous
How many readers are required to meet this definition?
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Could be independent- reading a book
Moments of interpersonal communication can be found with your connection to characters
Midterm Question on defining interpersonal communication!!!
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Diatec communication between 2 people
Haptic touching as communication (not only dialogue)
Relational culture has a key factor in interpersonal communication
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Julie Wood
Prime Minister Trudeau took selfies with Canadians- is this considered interpersonal?
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Must look at the rewards gained from interaction
Intrinsic Awards- Organic, internal intentions
Extrinsic- transaction, image etc
Posture/Non-Verbal:
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Can give a great deal of info
Not all communication is intentional  an injury could cause different body language
RBF
Lecture Halls
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Tinder
1 to many setting
instances of interpersonal communication is seen
is also a public communication setting
 Elements of interpersonal communication
 But can be spontaneity vs. strategy- tinder allows you to be seen the way you want to be.
Spontaneity vs. Strategy- is key in distinguishing interpersonal communication
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION:
Process of phenomenon whereby humans treat each other uniquely as they create their relational
culture regardless of context, medium, or # of communicators.
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The quality is based on the interdependence and shared disclosure making the relationship
rare/irreplaceable
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Results in exchange of intrinsic rewards
Disclosure plays a key role in interpersonal communication
Communication as a Process:
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Interpersonal communication involves a complex web of actors & characteristics
Medium of communications matters (phone, in person etc)
Amount of info & emotion conveyed by richness & leaness
o Text= lean medium channel
o Person= rich channel
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There is a series of steps involved
Interpersonal Communication is Unique:
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Generally spontaneous- arising from the relational cultures people create when they are
together.
Quality:
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Interdependence (mutually reliant on each other), irreplaceability, disclosure & rewards
(intentions)
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Focuses on the nature and level of the things above.
Impersonal vs. Interpersonal:
Impersonal:
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Distant, autonomous, universal behaviours, rules, extrinsic rewards, transactional
Interpersonal:
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Intimate, irreplaceable, interdependent, unique, rules are shaped by people in it, intrinsic
rewards
Intrapersonal Communication:
Self Concept
Where the self concept is developed from and in relation to others
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The self concept is subjective, relatively stable but does change over time.
Positive and negative self- assessments lead to different esteem values
Possibility to change
Social roles
State of health
Physical characteristics
Intellectual traits
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Belief systems
Social characteristics
Skills
Argued were not born with self concept- develops as we age (disputed)
Mirror metaphor- peoples perceptions of themselves impact and establish ourselves and how we
think other people will see us
The looking glass self- person’s concept of self is the result of interpersonal interactions & other’s
perceptions of him or her.
How Other’s May Influence our sense of Self:
1. How others see use or judge us
2. Reflected Appraisal perceptions of self are shaped by the opinion of significant others
3. Perceptions of self that are shaped buy reference groups
Self Fulfilling Prophecy:
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Claims that a person’s self-concept can affect future behaviour
o Set of behaviours prediction of outcome (can be affected, imposed by self)
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Others and the perceptions they have of us can also influence how we feel about ourselves
as well as the behaviours that we display (imposed by others)
Identity Management:
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Erving Goffman 1959- The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
o Social situations as free viewing where theatre is a natural process
o People can read the performance based on the verbal and non-verbal display
Front Stage vs. Back Stage:
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Difference between how we behave in front of people vs. not
o Writing nanny vs. talking to friends
 Front Stage: public performance
 Back Stage: private self enjoys a break from public performance
 Leakage: elements of backstage leak to front
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Concepts of Face/Face Work:
 FACE: Socially desirable image we’d like to display
 FACE WORK: the means in which we try to maintain a desirable image
“saving face”/”losing face” want to project this image/protect it
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Could include artefacts or appearance
Non-verbal behaviours  McKee bringing her dad’s empty brief case to an interview to
appear more professional
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Mask- maintains a certain image
o Masking grief or sadness with happy thoughts
Social Exhaustion lots of people and energy causing exhaustion
Characteristics of Identity Management:
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Multiple identities
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Collaborative
Deliberate or unconscious
People differ in their degree of identity management
Interpersonal Perception:
 The process by which we decide what people are like and give meaning to their actions
 More generally perception is about attaching meaning to our experiences
Selection:
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Directing our attention to specific stimuli & consequently ignoring others (selective
perception).
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Tune into sensory inputs that are being received
Proceed to record the inputs *(what you see/smell/hear etc)
Organization:
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After we select this data, we organize it into categories and patterns
Interpretation:
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We impose meaning on what we observe to complete internal perceptual process
o Factors that Influence Interpretation:
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Degree of involvement
Relational satisfaction
Past experiences
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Assumptions about human behaviour
Expectations
Knowledge of others
Self concept
Negotiation:
o The process by which communicators influence each other’s perceptions through
the process of communication
 Factors affecting negotiation include
 Exchange of narrative
Characteristics of Self Disclosure:
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Moves typically in small increments
Moves from less to more private information
Is honest
Depends on the source
Is intentional
Is intimate
Involves risk
Involves trust
 Can enhance relationships
Benefits of Self-Disclosure
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Catharsis: revealing thoughts, feelings, and emotions to release emotional burden.
Self-clarification: talking about beliefs, thoughts, opinions and attitudes to gain insight.
Reciprocity: disclosing information to increase the likelihood that the other person will do
the same.
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Impression formation: revealing personal information in order to make ourselves more
attractive.
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Maintenance and enhancement of relationship: foster liking and maintain healthy
relationships through disclosure.
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Social influence: disclosing information to exert control over others.
Self-defence: disclosing something before someone else does.
Risks of Self-Disclosure
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Rejection: disclosure may cause disapproval
Negative Impression: even if disclosure doesn’t cause outright rejection, it can make you
look bad.
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Decrease in relational satisfaction: relationships can suffer from disclosure.
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Loss of influence: disclosure may reveal your weakness, and you may have less influence
over others.
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Loss of control: people can tell others what you have disclosed and thus control information
that you want to manage.
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Hurt the other person: disclosure might cause the other person to be upset.
Increased awareness: self-discovery through disclosure can be difficult or painful.
Disclosing through Social Penetration:
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Irwin Altman & Dalmas Taylor
o Interpersonal relationship development depends on both breadth and depth of
disclosures
o Breadth and depths are important factors in the process of self-disclosure
o Onion
o Difficult to measure time, cannot measure how you view yourself
Disclosing Through the Johari Window:
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Joseph Duft & Harry Ingham
o Interpersonal relationships development depends on self awareness and a some
openness.
o Does not account for the relationship between people
1) The Window Open: info you know about yourself vs. others know about you
2)The Blind Window: looks at info that others know about you that you don’t know about yourself
3)The Hidden Window- info you know about yourself, but aren’t willing to share.
4) Information: info that you don’t know about yourself and others are unaware of as well.
Intimacy is key for self disclosure
Compare and Contrast how self disclosure is presented in the Social Penetration Theory and the
Johari Window Model- Please identify the model/theory you prefer and why.
Watched a short film on Perceptions- Zahra Golafshani
Factors Influencing Perception:
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Physiological Influences:
o Sense, age, health , hunger, bio cycles, neuro challenges
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Psychological
o Mood, self concept
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Cultural Influences:
o Social obligations, norms of communication, power distance, uncertainty,
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Social influences:
o Standpoint, gender & roles, occupation
Standpoint
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What is your gender? Sexual orientation, ethnicity, beliefs, age, occupation?
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All of these contribute to shaping your perception of the world
Common Tendencies in Perception:
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Tend to judge ourselves in a more favourable light than we do others
Attribution Theory: explains how we ascribe specific motives & causes to behaviour of others
Self-Serving Bias: more charitable towards ourselves
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Leads to…
Fundamental Attribution Error: unfairly judging others by emphasizing internal factors we believe to
be responsible for causing the event while under-estimating other potential factors, including the
impact of situation.
Question on the midterm about four stages/steps in relation to the film.
Other common tendencies in Perception:
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influence by expectations
influenced by the obvious
cling to 1st impressions halo vs. horn effect, positive vs. negative impression
we assume others are similar to us
Practicing Responsible Perception
Perception Checking:
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Check punctuation – cause and effect /organization of events
Check knowledge
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Check attributions – where you assign blame
Check perceptual influences
Check impressions
Use of Empathy:
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Identifying with emotions
Genuine intentions
Suspends judgement
Puts your own feelings aside
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Perspective taking
Use perception checking statements – look for other causes of behaviours
Describe what you see
Empathetic Stress:
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Someone takes on emotions of others and overwhelms them as a person.
Intro to Active Listening:
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Theory & Practice
o Training us to listen – Mr. Rogers
o Listening is a huge part of interpersonal communication
Identifying Appropriate Listening Functions:
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A friend can’t attend your party  listening to understand
Prof explanation of a test:
o listen to understand
o discriminate certain stimuli
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A friend’s music gig
o Listening for support
o Develop/maintain relationship
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A peer challenges you
o you evaluate and analyze
o not to understand in this case
Listening Functions:
We listen to..
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Identify stimuli
Understand/remember
Analyze/evaluate
 Support/Empathize
 Build/Maintain Relationships
*These categories can overlap
Seems intentional, can be unintentional  distracted learning, eavesdropping etc.
Listening & Hearing:
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Not the same
Listening: Attending, recalling, responding
Hearing: Sound waves hit ear drums- vibration
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A big part of listening is responding
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Listening isn’t passive
Listening is a process of receiving, interpreting & responding to verbal & non-verbal
messages
Listening in Complex: Steps in Active Listening:
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Hearing: physiological process
Attending: paying attention
Understanding: Making sense of messages
Remembering: Retaining parts of the message
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Responding: giving observable feedback
Rapid thought being flooded with stimuli causes difficulty paying attention
Types of Non-Listening:
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Thinking of other things-false impression of listening
Focusing on interesting topics- ignoring
Interrupts to give 2 cents- interjections  stage hogging
Certain topics that you’re unwilling to discuss
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Interprets statements as personal attacks
Pseudo- listening, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, insulated listening, fill-in the
gaps listening, stage hogging.
What do you do if you’re on the receiving end?
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You can directly acknowledge
Empathy
Perception checking
Self disclosure
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Gentle reminder- “it seems to me that you’re not listening? Is there something wrong?”
Active Listening:
More Directive
Advising
Evaluating
Analyzing
Supporting
Empathizing
Paraphrasing works in large conflict situations.
Questioning
Silence
More Reflective
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You want to start with more reflective and move to more directive
Some people want you to just listen to them, and not provide solution to their problem
Low Context:
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Low ambiguity:  silence is awkward/avoided
Direct and forward
Works in individualistic cultures
High Context:
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Vague messages value silence, respect
Filter through
Meaning not in what is said rather, how it is said
Listening into being:
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Give people floor space, get it out
Lets them speak and they may come up with the solution on their own
Being a soundboard.
Recognizing and Effectively Expression Emotion:
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Watched movie Inside Out
Thinking about lessons that Pixar teaches through the film
There are 6 key emotions
o Paul Ekman- father of emotions  facial recognition & emotions – non-verbal
deception
 Hired as a consultant on this film- identified 6 universal characteristics of
emotion
Characters:
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Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, Anger
o Left out surprise in this movie.
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Childhood employs a lot of happy
Connection between emotional experience and memories
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Perceptions & emotions
Around 11 children experience conflicting emotions
All emotions serve a purpose
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No one is better than another
Need to repress sadness- in the film
Any state of feeling contributes to actions- emotions are actions
Conflicting emotions are portrayed- Blended emotions
o More than 1 primary emotions can be experienced at once
o Jealousy- anger, sadness, fear
o Most prominent fear emotion deal with first.
Emotions & Perception
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Expressed out
Influences relationships
Other perceptions of the world
Colouring your memories
Taxonomy of Emotions- different types of emotions that filter through
Primary- difference between happy vs. ecstasy
Little control of how we feel, more control of how its expressed
Emotions are not singular you can experience many at once
Rules for Expression Emotions:
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Rules, roles & other factors
o Display Rules: depend on relational culture
 When Riley’s mum tells her to stay happy for Dad- her parents control what
you can/cannot express
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Cultural Display Rules:
o What we deem to appropriate
 kid crying in public- parents say “stop”
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also applies to kids who are raged
PDA- depends on culture etc
Gender plays a role in expression of emotion
Anger is a male character physique= man in film
Sadness is female  hair voice
Defining Emotions:
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Are feelings/states that…
o Causes physiological changes
o Cognitive interpretations sometimes lead to labels & some for of communication
expression
You can travel and recognize emotion anywhere- facial expression
Types of Emotions: primary are consistently experienced & expressed across cultures
Surprise vs. Awe
Fear vs. Terror
Primary Emotions vs. High Intensity
Sadness vs. Anguish etc.
Expressing Emotion
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Universal Expression of Emotion:
o Joy
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o
o
o
o
Fear
Sadness
Surprise
Anger
Disgust
Visible universally,
Emotions can be contagious
Used in blended emotions
Guidelines for Expressing Emotions:
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Sometimes unaware of how your emotions effect others
Display rules: your parents may have encouraged/discouraged emotions
Gender, social roles- “what’s appropriate”
Case Last Years Midterm- Cellphone on a Date:
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How do you express your sentiments?
Perception checking
1. Describe the behaviour “I notice your constantly on your phone.”
2. Interpret the behaviour “Is there something wrong?”
3. Ask for feedback “Can you explain?”
Recognize your Emotions
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How are you feeling at this given moment?
Emotional Awareness
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High affective orientation very aware
Low affective orientationnot aware
You can end up clouded and not realize your emotions, even if you’re high affective orientation.
Choose the Best Language:
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Our emotional statements sometimes lack emotional content
“I feel you’re not listening to me”- no emotion, just observable behaviour
Avoid emotionally absent terms
Avoid over-qualifying or down playing emotions
Describe or defend emotions based on circumstances, not based on relationships
Share Multiple Feelings:
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Often experience blended emotions
Often describe the most powerful/primary emotion
o try to describe all emotions at play
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Jealousy – anger, fear, surprise, sadness
o Expressed more often
o Could be a fundamental attribution error, blame someone else in anger instead of
my own part in being jealous
Recognize the Difference Between Feeling & Action:
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Silence is an action/expression
Tom Cruise engaging in the couch jumping- ecstasy- socialization means that most people
found this behaviour odd
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Don’t gloat too much- seen as a show off
Accepting responsibility for your feelings I messages vs. You messages
Select Appropriate time/channel to express
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Receiver’s attention
Amount of info
Time for feedback