The Differences and Similarities between Wedding Party in Indonesia vs United States
of America
By:
Fajar Muttaqin (16320012)
Balqist Hamada (16320021)
M. Alfin Zulmi (16320216)
Nadiya Auliya Rahmadina (16320172)
Definition of Marriage
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman such that the children born to the
woman are recognized as legitimate offspring of both partners (RAI, 1951). According to Law
Number 1 of 1974 concerning Marriage, Marriage is a bond between a man and a woman as
husband and wife in order to form a happy and eternal family or household based on the
Almighty God. (Ali, 2015)
Legalization of a marriage usually occurs when a written document registering a
marriage is signed. The wedding ceremony itself is usually an event held to conduct ceremonies
based on the customs that apply, and the opportunity to celebrate with friends and family.
Women and men who are married are called brides, and after the ceremony is over then they
are called husbands and wives in marriage.
The Definition of Wedding Reception
Reception is a party that is attended by the invited guests. According to KBBI,
reception means an official meeting (banquets) that held to receive guests (at the wedding,
inauguration) (Setiawan, n.d.). In marriage, the Reception also can be defined as a place to
announce that there has been a husband-wife marriage. That event is used for people to
congratulate the new partner and their parents. Reception in marriage needs to be regulated
first. These arrangements only choose and invite someone who is likely to be interested, prior
notice regarding the purpose of the event, invited guests must be contacted before the event is
carried out or carried out, all guests must provide a signature as a sign of who is present.
Wedding ceremonies have a lot of variety. The variety is according to ethnic traditions,
religions, cultures, and social classes. The use of certain customs or rules is sometimes related
to certain religious rules or laws.
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Similarities of Law of Marriage in Indonesia With New York (USA)
1. The marriage law arrangement between Indonesia and New York has in common,
namely:
Equally there must be free agreement from prospective husband and wife.
Equally there must be permission from parents if their age has not reached the
prescribed age. (Indonesia: 21 years, New York: 18 years).
2. Equally there is a prohibition on marriage for those who have a blood relationship or a
family of semenda, who are too close
3. Evidence of marriage is a marriage certificate.
4. The dissolution of marriage is caused by death, divorce and judge's decision / court
decision.
5. The reason for divorce is the same.
Differences of The Marriage Tradition etween Indonesians and Americans
1. Deciding the partner
Indonesia
Although nowadays, Indonesian people are given freedom to choose their partner by
themselves, usually, they will ask for blessing or having consultation with their parents first. It
is very strange for them to marry or even just propose their partner without telling their parents
first. Normally, both the man and the women will introduce their partner to their parents. They
will ask their partner to their house to have small talk with their parents. Generally, their parents
will approve their relationship if the partner of their children fulfill the three standards, they
are bobot, bibit, and bebet. Then, if those elements felt fits, they can go to the next level which
is more serious, engagement.
United States of America
Differs from Indonesia, in USA, the children is given a real freedom to choose the
person they want to marry. As long as they love each other, have commitment to live together,
the parents will give their approval. It is because the parents in USA consider that the one who
live the life is their children, not them. As long as the children happy, they could continue their
relationship.
2. Proposal
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Indonesia
Normally, proposal in Indonesia goes like this, the man with their big family goes to
the woman’s house. The purpose of this ceremony is making the woman’s and the man’s family
know each other. In that time, there is a handover of hantaran seserahan from the man’s family
to the woman’s family. Seserahan usually consist of food and fruits, grooming equipment,
kebaya , fabric, heels, bags, clothes, etc. Thus, you can imagine how complicated it is. Beside
the man have to prepare the mental for proposing, the man also have to make seserahan to his
partner’s family. (Alela, 2017)
United States of America
In USA, there is no event such Indonesian have. Generally, to propose their girlfriend
they tend to use a romantic, creative or even extreme way. They do not involve their parents in
that moment at all. For example, they propose their girlfriend in the stage that live on TV, or
they ask their partner to go to romantic place, or even they ask their partner to an extreme place
and propose them there. (News, https://kumparan.com/@kumparannews/5-aksi-melamarunik-di-dunia-terobos-api-hingga-pakai-99-iphone-6, 2018)
3. The property for the wedding party
Indonesia
From choosing the souvenir, building, invitation, catering to decoration, the
Indonesian’s parent will have contribution on it. It is because they love their children so much
and want to help the preparation of their children’s wedding party. They don’t want their
children think so hard for it.
United States of America
Differ from Indonesian, in America, the pair is free to choose the concept, building,
souvenir and so on for their wedding party by themselves. The ones who deal and responsible
to the party are themselves. They believe that dealing the party by themselves can train them
to become independent person. (Rozi, 2016)
4. Tradition before Marriage Day
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Indonesia
In Indonesia, before the wedding day there is usually a kind of ritual that must be carried
out by the bride. For example in Javanese and Sundanese customs, we know the term is
siraman. In the splash procession, the bride will be 'bathed' with flower water by parents and
elders. Before entering the wedding gate, the two brides will first be cleansed and purified with
a siraman ceremony as a symbolic form. (Desianti, 2014)
Every time they marry off their sons and daughters, Indonesians invite the closest
family to discuss and prepare for the whole process of marriage. The day before the marriage,
the house of the prospective bride parents is fitted with tarub and bleketepe on the door to the
front yard. The gate is decorated with tarub which consists of various tuwuhan, namely plants
and leaves that have symbolic meaning. The right side of the gate is a banana tree that is bearing
fruit that has been ripe. The point is that the husband will become the head of the family in the
midst of social life, like a banana tree that can grow well anywhere and get along well with the
environment.
After pouring, there was a gnawing, which was the small hairs on the faces of
prospective bride grooms carefully scraped by the pemaes, the one who dressed the bride. The
bride's hair is dried and then smoked with fragrant incense. When finished, the bride is dressed
with a good kebaya prepared. That night the father and mother of the prospective bride gave
the last bribe to her daughter because from tomorrow she was under her husband's
responsibility.
At the midodareni ceremony that takes place at night before the meeting and meet the
manten the next day, the parents of the prospective groom and the prospective groom, are
escorted by his close family, visit the house of the parents of the bride. And the bride must stay
in the room and not be able to sleep from 6 pm to midnight. In this ceremony, srah-srahan or
staging is carried out. Parents and families of prospective bride candidates give some items to
parents of prospective brides. Stings from the word singset, meaning binding tightly, in this
case the occurrence of a commitment to a marriage between the sons and daughters of the two
parties and the parents of brides will become besan, parents of son-in-law.
United States of America
In the West, we usually know the name best man for men, and maid of honor from the
women. Their job is to help and accompany the bride and groom to prepare for her marriage,
her duty is usually to help the bride face the pressure she faces. There are bachelor party and
bachelorette party rituals, which are carried out by each bride and her friends before they finally
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release their respective bachelor years. Usually it is done with a bit of sex because it will soon
be committed for a lifetime to be together forever, yes before it is satisfied. There are no terms
like siraman, midodareni, even pingitan that is done before the party day. There, before the
party, usually they do rehearsals walking into the church and reciting faithful promises there.
(Damayanti, 2011)
5. Marriage Day Tradition
a. Makeup and Clothing
Indonesia
In this case, the Indonesian people highly uphold cultural customs, seen from the makeup and clothing worn. They tend to choose to wear their traditional attire rather than wearing
ordinary wedding dresses. Unmitigated sometimes they changed their traditional clothes many
times on that day. Then about the makeup, as we know, we often see brides using thick makeup
which sometimes makes us do not recognize her. The makeup must be adjusted according to
the traditional dress used. For example, custom solo. Bridal make up in Indonesia does look
much more complicated, menor and spend a lot of money than bridal makeup outside. But
behind that, there is an impression of readiness and seriousness in the all-luxury makeup (Rozi,
2016).
United States of America
Unlike the American people, the brides there are more likely to want to look modern in
a minimalist style. The proof, the wedding dress they use is in the form of a black suit for the
groom and a long white dress for the bride. For makeup problems, they dress up normally to
create an elegant impression (Rozi, 2016) .
b. Invitation
Indonesia
For the sake of marriage that is only done once in a lifetime, Indonesian people usually
invite many people. They invited close relatives, distant relatives, friends from elementary to
high school, meaning new acquaintances were also invited. So no doubt, sometimes the bride
herself does not seem to know the invited guests themselves. And because of the many invited
guests, usually guests approach and congratulate the bride. For our culture, every parent's
acquaintance must be present at the wedding celebration as a form of respect (Rozi, 2016).
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United States of America
Unlike Indonesian, they only invite close relatives and close friends. This can be seen
from the limited number of seats rented. Enactment of the few people aims to eliminate the
awkwardness between invited guests so that all guests can enjoy the wedding. Because of the
lack of guests, the bride and groom went to the tables of the guests to say thank you for coming.
(Damayanti, 2011)
6. Tradition after marriage
Indonesia
After marriage, a woman must join her husband. If they build a house, there are customs
and ways of themselves in determining the position of the house, and if they have not decided
to stay at home then they must live at home with their parents-in-law.
When you have a mother, Indonesian people are very strict in taking care of their babies,
for example every maghrib call to those who are Muslim, babies cannot be put to sleep and
must be carried. At night the baby is not left to sleep alone, so the baby must sleep one room
with his parents to avoid danger.
United States of America
After marriage, Americans move to their own homes. Americans don't live with their
families or parents after they get married. Because having your own home after marriage is a
must.
When they have children, Americans separate parents' rooms from their children even
though the child is still young or baby. The reason is that they want their children to have their
own privacy and respect the privacy of their parents.
The Strengths and Weaknesses of Weddings celebration in Indonesia and USA
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Marriage is a social or ritually recognized union between spouses that establishes rights
and obligations between those spouses. Every country, even places has their own way to
celebrate the marriage; such as Indonesia and USA. We can see that there are so many
differences and similarities in the wedding celebration there, start from proposal, wedding
party, ritual and etc.
Indonesia
Strengths:

The marriages laws is followed religious principles. In Indonesia is really pay attention
to the etiquette of the religious community so it can avoid social deviation such as same
sex marriage.

The steps or the rule before, at the moment and after the marriage is really take note
from the tradition. It can makes the brides know about the tradition from their region.
It can also preserve the existence of the archipelago culture.

The complicity of the parents can help the bride to handle their wedding day and make
them more relax and enjoy their day.
Weaknesses:

The religious effect in Indonesia is really strength which make the society is really anti
of inter-religious marriages.

The complicity of parents who help to create the wedding celebration sometimes make
the bride cannot create their wedding ceremony as their own plan.

The cultural richness in Indonesia makes wedding celebration full of ritual and concept
of culture that earn much money.

There is a matchmaking tradition in Indonesia that sometimes forces brides to marry
couples that chosen by their parents
USA
Strengths:

The ritual of the wedding ceremony is really simple and futuristic

The brides do not need to spend a lot of money to make the wedding ceremony because
in America do not have a complicated ritual of wedding ceremony.
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
The brides can create their own dream of wedding ceremony because there is no
parental involvement in designing weddings.
Weaknesses:

The absence of tradition such as just wear white gown and tux makes a lack of
characteristic in the wedding at America that makes it no differences with another
country in West.
Conclusion
The tradition of marriage in Indonesia and America is very different, depending on each
tradition that it adheres to. Marriage in Indonesia requires a lot of rules because Indonesians
are rich in culture. Whereas marriages in America look more free and not too bound by rules,
because Americans are more concerned with their privacy. So the conclusion is that the
marriage tradition in each region is not always the same. Many unique things in their traditions
that may not be fully known by other countries.
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References
Alela, J. (2017). https://www.hipwee.com/wedding/untukmu-yang-penasaran-inilah-10rangkaian-prosesi-lamaran-nikah-yang-lazim-di-indonesia/. From www.hipwee.com.
Ali, U. (2015, Month). http://www.pengertianpakar.com/2015/03/pengertian-dan-tujuanpernikahan-perkawinan.html. From www.pengertianpakar.com.
Damayanti, C. (2011, October 12).
https://www.kompasiana.com/christiesuharto/550e6dcf813311b82cbc62cc/menikahdi-amerika-bisa-sangat-murah-konsep-untuk-fungsi-dan-effisiensi?page=all. From
www.kompasiana.com.
Desianti, M. (2014, March 21). https://www.weddingku.com/blog/makna-ritual-siramanpengantin-adat-sunda-dan-jawa. From www.weddingku.com.
http://www.seputarpernikahan.com/persiapan-pernikahan-isi-seserahan-pernikahan-yangperlu-kamu-siapkan/. (n.d.). Retrieved from www.seputarpernikahan.com.
News, K. (2018, January 18). https://kumparan.com/@kumparannews/5-aksi-melamar-unikdi-dunia-terobos-api-hingga-pakai-99-iphone-6. From www.kumparan.com.
RAI (Royal Anthropological Institute). (1951). Notes and Queries on Anthropology. London:
Routledge and Kegan Paul (6th edition).
Rozi, F. (2016). https://www.hipwee.com/wedding/bedanya-pernikahan-di-indonesia-dan-diluar-negeri-kamu-bisa-membandingkan-sendiri/. From www.hipwee.com.
Setiawan, E. (n.d.). https://kbbi.web.id/resepsi. From kbbi.web.id.
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Wedding Celebration in Islam Perspective
In Islam, marriage is a Sunnah from Rasul. It means that, if it is done the couple will
get a reward from God. It is clearly stated in hadith that is compiled by Ibnu Majah in the
Chapters on Marriage, Rasulullah stated:
َ ‫َن َلم‬
“… ‫ِّي‬
‫َّت‬
‫ِّسُن‬
‫َل ب‬
‫يعم‬
‫َم‬
‫ِّي ف‬
‫َّت‬
‫ِّن سُن‬
‫ُ م‬
‫َاح‬
‫ِّك‬
‫الن‬
ََ
‫ِّي‬
‫ِّن‬
‫ليسَ م‬
‫”ف‬
"Marriage is part of my Sunnah, and whoever does not follow my Sunnah has
nothing to do with me…”
In this paper, we only focus on how Indonesians and Americans celebrating their
wedding party. As explained before, there are some differences between Indonesians versus
Americans in celebrating a wedding. However, here, we found that actually, there are some
points that fit with Islam between both of them.
In terms of engagement, in Indonesia, the engagement is done by the man who takes
his family goes to the woman’s house. The purpose of this ceremony is to make all of the family
between the man and the woman know that they have a relationship and want to go to the next
level, marriage. Here, the man’s family ask the permission to the woman’s parent to engage
their daughter (12 Cara Melamar Wanita Menurut Islam Sesuai Syariat, 2017). This way is
absolutely fit with Islam. This is in accordance with the words of the Prophet:
“A previously-married woman should not be married until she is consulted,
and a virgin should not be married until her consent is sought, and her consent is
her silence.” (HR. Bukhari and Muslim)
In terms of makeup, although Rasulullah did not explain the clothes of women and
men’s that should be used in a wedding in detail, Islam gave restrictions on clothing in general.
Allah SWT said,
“And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard
their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily]
appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and
not expose their adornment except to their husbands, …” (QS. An-Nuur: 31).
In the culture of the Indonesians, they prefer to use makeup and decoration in excess
which aims to give the impression of luxury. Whereas in Islam, it is clearly forbidden to wear
makeup that is so excessive. While Americans, they tend to use natural, simple but elegant
makeup.
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Moreover, in the matter of invitation, Indonesian tend to invite relatives and neighbors
both from the rich and poor groups. This method fits with what is recommended by Islam.
In the hadith of Ibn Majah's, the Prophet said:
"Announce the marriage."
Here, Rasulullah suggests the couple invite many people because everyone will give benefit to
them. For example, inviting neighbor is important because neighbors can bring goodness.
Then, inviting fellow with has same religion will perpetuate love and increase love. Also,
inviting rich people and poor people will avoid social jealousy. Very differ from Americans,
they only invite a few people namely relatives and close friends. It seems like, they tend to be
closed in their marriage. (8 Syarat Resepsi Pernikahan Menurut Pandangan Islam, 2016)
References
12 Cara Melamar Wanita Menurut Islam Sesuai Syariat. (2017, October 25). Dalam Islam.
8 Syarat Resepsi Pernikahan Menurut Pandangan Islam. (2016). Undangan.ID.
Walimatul Ursy, ini Adabnya yang Perlu Diperhatikan Agar Bernilai Ibadah. (n.d.).
Sijai.com.
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