Conferences: Facilitate Change
Conflict
Problem Solving
Negotiation
CONFLICT
CONFLICT CAN HAVE GOOD OR POOR
OUTCOMES
DEPENDS ON TYPE OF CONTEXT (COMPETITIVE
OR COOPERATIVE)
CONFLICT IS NECESSARY FOR LEARNING
COOPERATION
Conflict Management
1. Agree to common goals
2. Listen responsively
3. Acknowledge what is being said
Conflict Goal Identification
TYPES OF CONCERNS :
1. about reaching one’s goals
2. about maintaining an appropriate relationship
with the other person
A “problem” is defined as having a goal
and a relationship
Degree of importance to each determines
strategies used
WHEN GOAL AND RELATIONSHIP EQUALLY
IMPORTANT: negotiation ensures both parties fully
achieve goals and tensions resolved
BOTH MODERATELY IMPORTANT AND BOTH
CAN’T GET WHAT THEY WANT: compromise by
both sacrificing
GOAL NOT IMPORTANT, BUT RELATIONSHIP
REALLY IS: one or both give up goal
NEITHER GOAL NOR RELATIONSHIP
IMPORTANT: withdraw; one or both give up both
goal and avoid relationship
GOAL IMPORTANT, RELATIONSHIP NOT:
force or win-lose outcome
THE KEY: Individual’s ability to diagnose
importance of goals and relationships
Assertiveness
Achieving your goals without damaging the
relationship or another’s self-esteem.Katz & Lawyer,
1983
Assertive communication:
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use “I” messages instead of a “you” messages
say “and” instead of “but”
name your own feelings
say what you want to happen
express concern for others
use assertive body language
Types of problems
Interpersonal
School Wide
Technological
Reading programs
Inclusion
Review Skills for
Dealing with Conflict
Active listening:
Paraphrase content
Reflect Feeling is perspective taking (empathy)
Use of “I statements”
Inquire to clarify (what does that mean?, write it down,
ask if your list is complete, ask for suggestions)
Find some part of problem you can agree with
Teaching Conflict Negotiation
Skills to Young Children
To reduce and prevent impulsive behavior in preschoolkindergarten children of low SES
Spivack and Shure (1976) taught children how to:
listen to and observe others,
learn that others have thoughts, feelings, and motives in
problem situations,
apply skills to hypothetical interpersonal problems using
role play, pictures and puppets
General steps for problem solving
1. Recognition and definition of the problem
(a) recognize a challenge or dilemma exists
(b) that it’s an opportunity for growth and not a threat
(c) that it is solvable
2. Generation of alternative solutions or tools
3. Evaluation of alternative solutions
(co ntinued)
General steps for problem solving
4. Decision-making
using these criteria:
(a) problem resolution,
(b) overall personal-social and emotional wellbeing,
(c) amount of time and effort required, and
5. Implementing the decisions
6. Following-up to evaluate the solution
FAMILY PROBLEM SOLVING -moving them from emotional to cognitive
1. Define good things and problems as a
family--each member write down
2. Consider alternatives as a group--brain
storm as group
3. Consequences possible?
4. Reach mutual aggreements with choices-agree to disagree on certain items, appeal to
outside negotiator, compromise
adolescents do need involvement in rules and
problem solving
For example, Chore cards (Barkley):
• Each person in family picks and trades: game
quality.
• Or each family member takes turns (cooking dinner
in our family and complimenting)
• Each card has steps involved in correctly
performance, time selected to do that chore, and
consequences (part of allowance, preferred activity
given, etc).
What if the process doesn’t work?
Were feelings addressed?
Was the problem defined accurately?
Did all parties practice good listening skills?
Were the nitty-gritty details worked out?
Were any hidden agendas brought to light and
handled?
Were all participants appropriately assertive?
Was there follow-up to the consultation?
Did you? And DON’T
ARGUE,
DEFEND,
RAISE YOUR VOICE,
MINIMIZE THE PROBLEM,
PROMISE WHAT YOU CAN’T DELIVER,
OR
OWN A PROBLEM THAT DOESN’T
BELONG TO YOU
Review: STEPS OF NEGOTIATION
 1. State what you want
 2. State how you feel
 3. State the reasons underlying your
wants and feelings
 4. State your understanding of the
other’s wants, feelings, and reasons
 5. State 3 potential agreements that will
maximize joint gain, and which one you
would agree to
 6. Formalize the agreement process
The End