Promoting positive friendship skills (Session 3 of 3)
Acknowledgements
This resource is reproduced with the kind permission of East Sussex County Council
Anti-Bullying Team, from their Practitioners’ Toolkit: Responding to bullying of
children & young people with special educational needs and disabilities.
This is Session 3 of 3, which can be used standalone or in sequence: Session 1
deals with identifying bullying and name-calling, and Session 2 deals with “How to
look confident and assertive”.
Session Three
Promoting positive friendship skills- individual support
The aim of the session is to look at why our friends and friendship groups are
important, explore friendship skills, and how young people might go about making
new friends.
Outcomes
By the end of the session the young person will:
Understand the importance of appearing or being friendly.
Have explored what a good friend is.
Be more confident in starting conversations.
Understand that smiling and complimenting others sends out
friendly signals that make them appear friendly.
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Introduction and rationale
The aim of the session is to look at the importance of friendships and explore
friendship skills. Evidence suggests that children and young people with SEND have
fewer friendship networks - a key protective factor against bullying behaviour. We
know that many children and young people are bullied because of their SEND
and/or because they are seen as different. This can leave them socially isolated
from their peers and unable or unwilling to make friends. Such issues will need
addressing using a whole school approach.
Despite the importance that many young people place on friends, some children
and young people with SEND can find it difficult to make and then maintain
friendships with their peers. Others may have a different understanding of what a
friend is, while some lack confidence, social skills or have difficulties in social
situations. Some young people may not want or see the need to have friends.
Regardless, the fact is that appearing friendly and having friendly people around
can significantly reduce a child or young person’s risk of being bullied.
Some young people have strong beliefs that others should like them for who they
are and they shouldn’t have to change - which is true - we should all be allowed to
be who we are.
If a young person you are working with does not want any friends they may
have turned down the option of having buddies, a Circle of friends, peer supporters,
or a mentor. If this is the case then explore with the young person how having
others around can be beneficial, leaving them less vulnerable to bullying behaviour.
For example…why do other young people not get bullied or picked on at break time
or lunch when they are walking around the school?
You might wish to use motivational interviewing techniques for this such as
normalisation and reinforced comparisons, e.g. ‘is it really because everyone just
likes them!’ or ‘because they have hundreds of friends’.
Taking into account the issues above, this session is divided into three sections
depending on the specific needs and views of the young person.
These are:
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Meeting the needs of different individuals
Format One consists of a range of activities to be used with young people to
develop their friendship skills.
Format Two includes variations of the activities outlined in section one, but
adapted into more accessible formats for those who require more visual cues.
Format Three comprises activities for young people who may not want or see
the need for friends, but who still need to develop friendship skills to make them
appear friendly. Before deciding on which activities to undertake with a young
person, we strongly recommend that you first talk with them about some of the
issues outlined above. However, while the activities have been arranged
sequentially, you may opt to use certain activities whilst omitting others.
FORMAT 1
Resources
Copy of the Ginger Bread Figure
A friend is…someone I can trust attributes
Copy of the Friendship Pyramid
A set of the ‘mates traits’ cards
A set of the ‘conversation starters’ card
Copy of compliments worksheet
Activity 1: “A friend is…”
Ask the young person to cut out, stick, or write the phrases onto the outline of the
blank gingerbread figure, identifying the qualities you’d expect a friend to have and
the characteristics that might be associated with someone who isn’t a friend.
Encourage the young people to add some of their own phrases of what they want
from a friend.
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ACTIVITY 2 Friendship Pyramid
If you feel some cards are inappropriate for age/setting, remove five and
use the activity with ten cards.
Explain that you now want the young person to rank these with the most important
quality at the top and the five least important qualities at the bottom.
Stress that there are no right or wrong answers. Once each group has finished their
pyramid, get them to feed back why they chose the ones they did in the order they
did.
Stress the qualities of a good friend.
Trust – good secrets bad secrets. How to tell another person your friends
might be being bullied or at risk of being hurt.
Fun: - enjoy spending time with them. Making you laugh.
Support – being supportive if you are not feeling happy.
Balance of power – both people treat each other the same
ACTIVITY 3 “Mates Traits” Cards
The ‘mates traits’ activity can be used as a follow-on to the friendship pyramid to
help with more in-depth discussion around qualities we might look for in friend.
You can go through each card and discuss what it means and how much it applies
to them. If you have time, you may wish to choose one card and have it as the
‘card for the session’ to concentrate on one quality to discuss and practise.
Note: It is important to discuss the “We tell each other our secrets” in detail.
Discuss that, while it is important to keep most secrets, there are some secrets that
you should NOT keep e.g. good secrets versus bad secrets. Stress that if their
friend, or anyone else, is at risk of harm or being bullied they MUST tell an adult.
Go through lots of examples of ‘harm’.
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ACTIVITY 4 Practice being friendly to make new friends
Ask the young person to imagine you are about to start at a new school. What
advice can they give you about how to appear friendly? What’s the first thing you
can do to send out the signal that you are friendly?
Smile.
Explain that human beings are ‘wired in’ to respond to smiles. People will smile
back at you most of the time.
What do I do after I’ve smiled? Start a conversation. THINK OF what questions
you might ask to start a conversation.
ACTIVITY 5 Conversation starters
Explain to the young person that starting a conversation with another person is
great way of appearing friendly, and of getting to know someone. Using the
conversation cards, explain that you will each turn over a card and have a
conversation about the subject on the card. The aim is to see how long and how
interesting a conversation you can have!!!
ACTIVITY 6 Giving compliments
Giving compliments can also be a good way of breaking down social barriers and
getting to know someone. Give the young person a compliment. Ask the young
person how the compliment made them feel. Explain that complimenting others
makes them feel good and you appear friendly.
Tasks: Hand out the compliments worksheets and ask them to fill in the sheet.
They can then practise these with their family and friends. Tell them that
they need to collect 3 smiles a day or week, start 3 conversations a day or week,
and give 3 compliments a day or week.
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FORMAT 2
All of the activities in this section are a variation of those outlined in the previous
section, but have been adapted to make them more accessible.
Activity 1: “A friend is…”
Using the cards provided, make two columns entitled ‘Is a friend’ or ‘Is not a
friend’. With the remaining cards get the young person to identify the qualities
you’d expect a friend to have and the characteristics that might not be associated
with a friend, and put these under the corresponding column. Discuss each card
as they go through them to reinforce the qualities of a friend.
ACTIVITY 2 Friendship Pyramid
This time, take the cards from the ‘Is a friend’ column from the previous
activity, and ask the young person to rank the qualities from most to least
important. This will help them to focus on what qualities they need to look for.
Stress that there are no right or wrong answers. Get them to feed back why they
chose the ones they did in the order they did.
ACTIVITY 3 “Mates Traits” Cards
The ‘mates traits’ activity can be used as a follow-on to the friendship pyramid to
help with more in-depth discussion around qualities we might look for in friend.
Go through each card with the young person and discuss what they mean and how
much it applies to them. If you have time, you may wish to choose one card and
have it as the ‘card for the session’ to concentrate on one quality to discuss and
practise.
Note: It is important to discuss the “We tell each other our secrets” in
detail. Discuss that, while it is important to keep most secrets, there are some
secrets that you should NOT keep e.g. good secrets versus bad secrets. Stress that
if their friend, or anyone else, is at risk of harm or being bullied they MUST tell an
adult. Go through lots of examples of ‘harm’. Continue the session with what
friendly behaviour is and what friendly behaviour they can do e.g. smile, give a
compliment or start a conversation.
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ACTIVITY 4 Conversation starters
Explain to the young person that starting a conversation with another person is
great way of appearing friendly, and of getting to know someone. Using the
conversation cards, explain that you will each turn over a card and have a
conversation about the subject on the card. The aim is to see how long and how
interesting a conversation you can have!!!
ACTIVITY 5 Giving compliments
Giving compliments can also be a good way of breaking down social barriers and
getting to know someone. Give the young person a compliment. Ask the young
person how the compliment made them feel. Explain that complimenting others
makes them feel good and you appear friendly.
Tasks: Hand out the compliments worksheets and ask them to fill in the sheet.
They can then practise these with their family and friends ONLY… to start
with. Tell them that they need to collect 3 smiles a day or week, start 3
conversations a day or week, and give 3 compliments a day or week.
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FORMAT 3
The remaining activities can be undertaken with all young people, but will
be particularly important for those young people who don’t feel the need
for friendships or for those who have difficulties reading social situations.
The rules of conversation
Begin by explaining that starting conversations, and keeping them going, can
make them appear friendly, and as a result people will be more likely to ‘stick up’
for them if they are bullied.
Use the ‘rules of conversation’ sheet with the young person to discuss some of the
verbal and non-verbal cues of conversation e.g. eye contact, using pauses
between sentences and nodding when agreeing with someone etc.
Conversation starters
Using the conversation cards, explain that you will each turn over a card and have a
conversation about the subject on the card. The aim is to see how long and how
interesting a conversation you can have!!!
After taking several turns with the conversation cards, on a plain sheet ask the
young person to think up some conversation starters that they can use in class,
around the school or in other places e.g. “Did you see ………….on TV last night?”
“Who’s your favourite teacher?” “What subject do you like?” etc.
Tasks: Ask the young person to think of 5 young people or adults that they
would feel comfortable practising these with. Practise starting and
maintaining 3 conversations with the nominated people each day.
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Help us improve this resource
If you have ideas or suggestions that would improve this resource, such as
alternative statements, or adaptations to make activities more affective with
younger/older learners, or in the context of specific learning difficulties, we
would really welcome your suggestions and comments:
Please contact antibullying@afa3as.org.uk
ABA Information Hub: www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/1198
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES: “A friend is…”
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Has the same
hobbies as me
Listens to me
Is a good laugh
Has lots of
to be with
other mates
Is a good
Likes the same
thinker
music - fashion
Chooses to
Does not show
spend time with
off to other
Cares about
me
people
Does not talk
Someone who I
Is not afraid to
behind my back
am proud to be
show me how
with
they are feeling
Has the same
Someone I can
Someone other
interests as me
trust
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- games as me
what I think
people would like
too
PRINTABLE RESOURCES
COMPLIMENTS WORKSHEET
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
“A friend is…” cut-out cards SHEET 1
PRINTABLE RESOURCES
“A friend is…” cut-out cards SHEET 2
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
Mates Traits Cards SHEET 1
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
Mates Traits Cards SHEET 2
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
Conversation Starters
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
ADAPTED RESOURCES “A friend is…” SHEET 1
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
ADAPTED RESOURCES “A friend is…” SHEET 2
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
ADAPTED RESOURCES “A friend is…” SHEET 3
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
ADAPTED RESOURCES Mates Traits SHEET 1
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
ADAPTED RESOURCES Mates Traits SHEET 2
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
ADAPTED RESOURCES Mates Traits SHEET 3
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PRINTABLE RESOURCES
CONVERSATION STARTERS
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