Parents Should Talk to Children about Race
Adults often avoid talking about race with children, but young people notice similarities and differences among
people. Parents shouldn’t be afraid to discuss the subject of race with their children -- even young ones, an Iowa
State University Extension and Outreach specialist says.
“Talking about race with your kids is incredibly important,” according to Cindy Thompson, an ISU Extension and
Outreach human sciences specialist in family life.
A study outlined in the book “Nurture Shock” discovered that most white parents do not talk to their kids about race.
They want their children to be “colorblind,” so they do not point out skin color.
“Even with very young children, you can establish a foundation that it is OK to talk about skin color,” Thompson said.
Research shows that even children as young as three years old are actively learning about categories of race and
ethnicity that they hear in everyday language. And, when given the opportunity, they tend to choose friends who look
like them. Therefore, it is critical that parents learn to talk responsibly about these issues and not leave children on
their own to learn about race from the media or from others, Thompson said
Thompson says talking with children openly and honestly is an ongoing process and offered the following
suggestions. Look for positive images of diversity in the books children read. While talking animals and cartoon
characters are fun and have a place in children’s literature, be sure to also include books with realistic pictures and
stories showing a variety of races and cultures. Materials children play with like dolls and art supplies also can be
purchased to represent diverse skin types. Don’t be afraid to talk about race as you engage in play with your child.
“This doll has brown skin like our friend Tommy.” Find similarities with others. We are more alike than different. Point
out diversity within your own race. It is good to help children understand that just because we have a similar skin
color does not mean we are the same. “Nan’s family chooses to not eat meat. What dish could we take to the potluck
they might enjoy?”
Other suggestions include visiting museums that feature exhibits about a variety of cultures and religions and
celebrate cultural events and attend religious services with friends of different faiths. If your child makes a comment
about someone who appears different, use that as a teachable moment. Shushing them sends the message that this
topic is unspeakable, which makes race more loaded, and more intimidating. As children get older, help them to
notice, question and challenge stereotypes.
Friendships are a helpful way for children to accept others. Joining sport teams or other clubs gives children the
opportunity to develop connections with diverse groups, which can reduce prejudices and foster an increase in
cultural competence.
“And finally, be a role model yourself. Our words will not go very far if our children only see us with other people of the
same race as ours,” Thompson shared. “Widen your circle of friends and acquaintances to include people from
different backgrounds, cultures and experiences.”