應英三丙 李兆云
01 康永說: 已經很討人喜歡的你, 在未來會更討人喜歡
「我那天碰到阿男，他說他覺得你人好好！又漂亮！」一起唱歌的一個禮拜
之後，小戈這樣告訴坐他旁邊的古古。
呃……阿男，真的有這樣說嗎？天曉得！但誰在乎呢，只要阿男是個略懂人
情世故的人，就算他沒說過這話，他下次碰到古古，聽古古提起，他也不會否
認的。
不會否認，是因為這句轉告的話，讓古古和阿男和小戈三個人的關係都更好
啊！每個人都開心，沒有人受傷害。(……除非……古古因此愛上阿男，可是阿
男根本就有女友，後來古古就很傷心……)
01Kang-yung said, “You, a lovely person, will be liked better in the
future.”
“One day, I met A-nan, and he told me that you are nice and pretty!”After they
went to KTV one week ago, Xiao-ge tells Gugu who sits next to him.
Well, Did A-nan really say that? God knows! But who cares. If only A-nan knows a
bit of worldly wisdom even if he didn’t say that, he will not to deny when he meets Gugu
next time and hears that from Gugu.
He won’t deny because these sent words let the relationship better among the
three people—Gugu, A-nan and Xiao-ge! Everyone is happy and nobody hurts. (…except
…Gugu falls in love with A-nan by these words, but A-nan truly has a girlfriend, and then
Gugu feels heartbroken…)
我自己是不會故意去捏造這類的讚美，但如果真的有聽說，就算是轉個三四
手的讚美，我也一定樂於轉達的。因為這樣做實在會讓聽的人很高興，氣氛會很
好，而且聽起來，比你自己一味說一些空洞的讚美，要可信得多了。
我的主持工作，使我一定會遇到很多我不熟的人。我如果遇到台語長壽連
續劇的老婆婆女主角，硬要說我是他的粉絲，她聽了也不會信，說不定老婆婆
還覺得我很虛偽。但我如過是用轉述別人讚美的方式，說：住我們大樓有一位
阿公，覺得她是整齣戲裡最有氣質的一個女生，那老婆婆女主角才聽得進去吧。
至於事實上那位阿公有這樣說嗎？他可能只是說：「那個阿婆到這個年紀還
露乳溝，真是有氣魄啊！」
I myself will not to fake this kind of compliment, but I would like to tell it to the
person if I really hear it, even if the compliment is passed by three or four times. Because
people who hear the compliment from me will be very delightful. The atmosphere will
be good, and it sounds trustier than you say some empty compliments.
My job of host makes me have to meet a lot of people who I am not familiar with. If I
meet the old lady who is the actress in the Taiwanese soap opera which is longevity and
force myself to tell her that I am her fan, she will not believe me. Perhaps, she will think
that I am pretend. However, if I use another way—telling her the compliment that I hear
from someone else, then the actress will believe. For example, I say, “One old man who
lives in our building said you are the lady who has the most graceful temperament in the
whole soap opera.”
Did the old man really say that? He may just said, “The old lady shows cleavage at
this age. She is really daring!”
說穿了，我的建議，只是希望讓本來就已經很討人喜歡的你，在未來會更
討人喜歡而已。
但如果你想練成的說話方式，是想讓別人怕你、討厭你的話，那就請你
趕快放下這本書，把本來要買這本書的錢，拿去買武士刀或者買隻臭鼬當寵物
比較快喔。
Frankly speaking, I just hope my suggestion will make you, a lovely person,
be liked better in the future.
But if you want to get a speaking ability that makes people be afraid of you and hate
you, then please put down this book right away. You can take the money that is originally
for you to buy this book and go to purchase a katana or a skunk as a pet. That will be
faster.
02 康永說: 你說什麼樣的話你就是什麼樣的人
「你把球鞋丟在這裡，是想害我摔死啊！！」古古對阿男大吼，這是他們
同居的第三年。
絆到球鞋，真的會摔死嗎？
難說。在樓梯轉角絆到球鞋，然後從第十樓一路順利的翻滾到一樓，可能會
死掉。所以這話也未必太誇張。
但古古絆到阿男脫下的球鞋，一定也有別的話可以說。
古古可以推理：「你球鞋怎麼脫在這裡？你昨天晚上一定又喝醉了！」
古古可以怨嘆：「你不是講好不買這雙球鞋的嗎？這雙球鞋的錢，夠我買
一個微波爐耶！」
古古也可以撒嬌：「怎麼辦！被你的球鞋絆到了啦！痛痛捏……」
古古會說什麼樣的話，決定於他要在阿男的眼中，扮演什麼樣的人。他要扮
的是毆巴桑，她就會說出歐巴桑愛說的話。他要扮未婚妻，就會說出未婚妻該說
的話。他要扮美眉，就會說美眉的話。
02 Kang-yung said, “What you say makes who you are.”
“Do you want me to fall down and die because you put the sneaker here? “ Gugu
yelled at A-nan. They live together and it’s the third year.
Is it true that someone will fall down and die by stumbling over a sneaker?
It is hard to say. That is possible to die when someone stumbles over a sneaker at a
corner of stairs, and then he or she tumbles successfully from floor 10 to 1. Thus, her word
is not too exaggerated.
However, Gugu must have other words to say when she stumbled over the sneaker
that A-nan took off.
Gugu can draw inference, “How come did you take off your sneaker here? You
must be drunk last night!”
Gugu can complain about, “Don’t you say you will not buy this pair of sneaker?
The amount of money for you to buy the shoes is enough for me to buy a new microwave
oven!”
Gugu also can act like a child, “What can I do? I stumbled on your sneaker! My leg
hurts…”
What Gugu will say depends on which role Gugu wants to play in A-nan’s eyes.
She loves to play as an old woman, and she will say what an old woman loves to say. She
wants to play as a fiancée, and she will say what a fiancée should say. She wants to play
as a young girl, and she will say what a young girl says.
很多人以為：你說什麼樣的話，透露出你是什麼樣的人。
但我覺得不只如此。我覺得：你說什麼樣的話，你就是什麼樣的人。
「You are what you say.」
你老是覺得你是可憐蟲，別人都在欺負你，你確實就會常常說出可憐蟲心態
的話。但不只如此，反過來也一樣：你每句話都說可憐蟲才會說的話，說久了，
你就會是可憐蟲。
當古古大吼說：「你想害我摔死」時，阿男一定會覺得這瘋婆子有被害妄想
症。(相信我，就算我這種在殺人界完全是肉腳的人，也不會想靠亂丟球鞋這麼
沒效率的招數去殺人的。)
從此，阿男心中的古古，就多了一張小小的便利貼，上面寫著：「被害妄想
者」。下次他們再吵架時，「被迫害」就會變成阿男抱怨古古的一個依據，阿男
會說：「你每次都以為我會對不起你，你這麼愛冤枉我，乾脆我真的出去跟別人
亂搞算了！」
是啊，古古說的話，不但是「果」，透露出古古怎麼看事情，還會倒過來變
成「因」，倒過來「引導」古古去看事情，然後再「引導」古古身邊重要的人這
樣去看古古。
Many people think what you say reveals what kind of people you are.
But I think that is not what it all adds up to. My opinion is what you say equals to
what kind of people you are.
“You are what you say.”
You always think you are a pitiful creature and are constantly bullied by people. You
do often say what a pitiful creature says. But it is even more and vice versa. Every
sentence you make belongs to a pitiful creature’s talk. After a period of time, you will
become a pitiful creature.
At the time, Gugu is yelling, “Do you want me to fall down and die?” A-nan
must think Gugu, the insane woman, is sick with persecutory delusions—she thinks
excessively that someone will do her harm. (Believe me. Even though I, a totally novice
at killing people circle, won’t use this inefficient trick, littering sneaker, to kill.)
From this on, in A-nan's mind, Gugu gets a little Post-it note with script—“The
insane woman who thinks someone will do her harm.”Next time, as they have quarrel
with each other, doing me harm becomes a basis for A-nan to complain about Gugu. A-nan
will say, “You always think I will betray to you. Since you like to think the situation that
does not exist, then I may simply go to play with other girls.”
Yes, what Gugu said becomes not only effect but also cause. Her words reveal how
Gugu thinks of things, and her words will become cause inversely, and her words will
inversely guide Gugu to think of things, and then her words will guide the important
people around Gugu how to think of her.
你嘴上愛抱怨，你就成為「怨女」。你嘴上愛耍賤，你就成為「賤嘴」。你
老是說色情笑話，你就成為色瞇瞇怪叔叔……雖然，我們都知道你骨子裡可能並
不是這樣的人。
你真的想變成給別人溫暖的小太陽嗎？那你就從說話開始，訂出一些簡單
的，你真的作得到的事，例如：規定自己每週三中午一定發出一通簡訊，問候一
位在你通訊錄上的朋友，而且在對方回你簡訊之後，一定再回覆一則給對方加油
的簡訊。(「那萬一對方跟我借錢怎麼辦？」「那……還是要叫他加油啊！」)
You often grumble over things, and then you change into a female grumbler. You
often say something despicable, and you change into a despicable mouth. You often tell
jokes of pornography, and you change into a lecherous and queer uncle… although we
know that you may not this kind of people in your heart of hearts.
Do you really want to be the little Sun that makes people feel warm? Then you can
start from speaking. List some things that are easy and can be really made by you. For
example, you make it a rule to send messages on every Wednesday noon and greet one of
your friends in your phone book. Besides, after your friend sends a massage back to you,
you must reply to him/ her with an encouraging message. (“What am I supposed to do in
case my friend wants to borrow money from me?” “Then… you can still encourage
your friend!”)
06 康永說: 把對方看在眼裡，放在心裡
小戈依照很多「教說話的書」指示，和古古約會的時候，小戈很努力的，
一直保持兩眼望著古古的眼睛。
可能這樣做真的很累，過了五分鐘，小戈就覺得自己都快變成鬥雞眼了。
不過，更累的是被看的古古。古古心裡其實在冒冷汗，擔心自己是不是被看
出什麼破綻來了？是鼻頭的粉撲得不夠、被看出來毛孔有點粗大嗎？假睫毛沒黏
好？魚尾紋？眼屎？
古古會這麼緊張，是因為小戈看她的方法，太像「驗屍」了。
看有很多種，「端詳」「檢驗」「審視」，跟「注意」「注視」「望著」，
有分寸上的不同。
06 Kang-yung said, “See someone in your eyes and put someone in your
heart.”
Xiao-ge follows direction from many books that teach how to say. When he is dating
with Gugu, Xiao-ge makes effort to keep staring at Gugu’s eyes with his both eyes.
It may be really tiring, and he feels himself almost to get a cockeye.
Nevertheless, Gugu is more tired by being stared. In fact, Gugu is sweating on her
mind. She worries about herself if Xiao-ge finds flaws from her? Haven’t I used enough
powder on my nose? Was I found by him that my pores are too big? Didn’t I glue my
eyelash well? Wrinkles around the eyes? Gum?
The reason why Gugu is so nervous is that his way of seeing is too close making an
autopsy for her.
There are many kinds of seeing such as looking, inspecting, gazing, observing, staring,
and viewing. They are different in measure.
約會的時候，當然最好是三不五時的、帶著感情、望著對方，讓對方感覺到
兩人之間有曖昧的電流在傳遞，而不是「兩個餓壞了的人聚在一起填飽肚子」。
有的人約會時，雖然精心挑選了適合談話的法國餐廳，精心挑選了老少咸宜
的法國紅酒白酒，但進了餐廳一坐下來就「認真」的研究菜單，研究完菜單就「認
真」的跟侍者討論菜色。然後呢，酒來了就「認真」品酒，菜來了就「認真」吃
菜，是怎樣？你以為自己是米其林餐廳指南派出來的美食密探？
約會就是約會，就是要含情脈脈，吃喝點菜都是「調情」的好機會。面對外
文菜單，你可以嘲笑自己在外文上鬧過什麼笑話，讓對方覺得你好親切，也可以
趁機講一個自己去旅行時見識到的小風格，讓對方覺得你很見多識廣。在這麼做
的時候，你當然要不時「望著」對方，帶著一點點「觀察」，讓對方充分感覺到，
她在你眼中的「存在」。
While you are dating with someone, looking at the one with feeling from time to time
is certainly the best. You should let her feel about an adoring electric current between you
two, not that two hungry people get together and eat.
Some people select elaborately both a French restaurant that is suitable for talking
and French red and white wines that are suitable for the old and the young. However,
they enter the restaurant, sit down, and seriously research the menu. After researching
the menu, he seriously discusses the dishes with the waiter. What is the next? Taste
the wines seriously after the wines are served and eat their meals seriously after the meals
are served. What’s that? Do you think you are a spy looking for delicacies assigned
by Michelin Guide?
Appointment is appointment. You need to exude tenderness and love. That will be
good chances to flirt with the girl during eating, drinking, and ordering. When facing the
menu of foreign language, you can laugh at yourself on what ridiculous mistakes of
language you made before and make her think you are a decent person. You can also
take the opportunity to tell a manner which you learned during travelling to show
her that you are experienced and knowledgeable. As you are talking, you, of course,
have to look at her from time to time with a little observing, let her completely know
that she exists in your eyes.
講到火鍋要多辣的時候，看她有沒有皺眉？看她有要起身的樣子，雖然不用
誇張到一個箭步移形換影去幫她拉椅子，但不妨貼心的告訴她，餐廳的化妝室在
哪個方向。這些，都需要你保持「眼角觀察」，但不必「端詳審視」的。
很多人以為懂美食美酒，就是有品味的人。我一點都不同意，懂美食美酒的
無聊蛋，我見多了，跟這樣的人聚會，你絕不會有「如沐春風」的感覺，因為他
們沒有「以你為尊」，而是「以吃喝為尊」。
一個人，如果能做到把對方「看在眼裡、放在心裡」，就算這個狀態，只維
持一頓飯的時間，也能讓對方覺得「被重視」，如沐春風。
看到沒？「被重視」，是關鍵字喔，要緊的，就是那個「視」字啊。
As you mention about how spicy you want the hot pot is, see if she frowns. If you
notice that she wants to rise from the chair, you don’t have to help her to pull the chair
by just one step, but you can be considerate to tell her the direction of rest room. These
need you to keep observing but not gazing.
A lot of people think someone who knows about good food and wine equals to
have taste. I don’t agree with that at all. I see lots of boring people who know about
good food and wine. Being with this kind of people, you never feel comfortable because
they didn’t respect you but respect how to eat and drink.
If you can see someone in your eyes and put someone in your heart, even though
you just last this situation for a period of time during one meal, you can still make
people receive your respect and feel comfortable.
Do you see that? Respect is key word, and to look is essential.