專題研究 –
<愛自己> by 女王
中翻英
英語三甲
499C0005 陳彥而
499C0016 邱于軒
499C0027 薛方筑
499C0016
邱于軒
P.13~18
我曾經那麼沒自信
I have been unconfident before….
在寫這本書之前，我默默的度過了很不快樂的半年。我沒有在 Blog 上寫過，也沒有四處跟別人抱怨過，
但是我面臨了人生中很大的難題與傷痛，我失去了很多很多東西，不管是愛情還是友誼。
Before I write this book, I live half a year silently. I didn’t post unhappy things on the Blog.
Neither complain to my friends. But I faced some big problems and serious pains during the time.
I lost a lot, whether relationship or friendship.
成為女王這個角色，從事著檯面上的工作和面對人群，強顏歡笑似乎已成為我的習慣，習慣敬業的
面對每一份工作的我，強迫自己不能幼稚的失態、不能因為心情不好而影響別人、不能任性的因為私事
影響工作。
To become a queen, I have to stand on the platform and also have to face the crowd.
Pretending happiness is one of the things which I have to do. I used to take every of my job
seriously. I forced myself not to act childish. I cannot bring my unhappiness to others. I cannot
let my private affairs to influence my job. I cannot be a capricious person.
我也早習慣，在別人面前當一個稱職的女王，
（或許在別人眼中是專家、名人、公眾人物）
，明明自
己前一晚還在面對失戀和吵架的痛苦哭腫了眼睛，隔天演講中回答讀者感情問題，還要打趣說我要如何
經營感情、如何維持幸福的戀情。因為我並不是大家想像的成功，慢慢的，我開始否定我自己，看起來
快樂的我，事實上並不是那樣快樂著。
I get used to be a “Queen” for a long time. ( others may think I am a specialist or celebrity
even a public figure) I need to answer the audiences all of the questions about love during my
speech. And I have to share my love stories to the audiences. And tell them how I keep my
relationship. I have to do these although I just had a fight with my boyfriend. I still have to.
許多人覺得我是很有自信的女孩，事實上，成為一個自信的女人，並不是那麼容易的事情，我並不
是生來就完美，或人生經歷很順遂，我也曾遇過很多人、很多事，不斷考驗著我的自信心。
Many people think about I am woman which full of confidence. It is not easy to be the one
actually. I am not born perfectly. Either have a wonderful life. I meet many people and things
which are weaken my confidence.
其實最讓我難過的是，考驗著你的自信心的人，通常是妳最愛的人。我曾經那麼的沒自信。因為我
愛的人覺得我不夠高、不夠瘦，不喜歡我的工作，我曾經以為我要努力成為對方喜歡的樣子，我曾經以
為我要為他放棄自己的興趣、我的夢想，當我犧牲了多少，這才表我足夠愛他。
To my disappointed, the people who make you sad are usually the one you loved the most.
Here are some examples. My boyfriend may think I am not tall enough, I am not thin enough. He
dose not like my job. And I have been trying hard to be the one that my boyfriend loved. To
present my love, I lost a lot. I gave up all the things, my interests and my dream.
當我們愛上一個人時，很容易失去自信心。很容易怕自己哪裡不好。很容易因為一段感情不穩定、
沒有安全感，而不斷否定自己的價值。
When we fall in love with someone, we lost our confidence easily. We became afraid of not
being a perfect person. When we lost security we tend to deny our values.
我也曾很沒自信的在這段時間，百年結婚潮時，很害怕每次去參加喜宴遇到別人關愛的眼神，雖然
我已經堅強到不會被別人影響我的觀念想法，但是仍會懷疑自己是不是哪裡不夠好，否則，為何別人可
以輕易找到攜手一生的伴侶，而我卻是有行無市。是我條件差嗎？那一刻，突然有幾秒鐘的時間沒自信
了起來。（當然，只有那幾秒鐘的時間。）
I was not confident during the one hundred year which many couples get married in the year.
I afraid of take part in weddings. I don’t like when others look at me. It seems to say “why you
are single” and “why don’t you get married?” I am strong enough not to let others effects my
mind. I still doubt at myself. I am not good enough so that I cannot find my Mr. Right while
others doing so. At that moment, I lost confidence in a few seconds. (of course just a few
seconds)
我也曾很沒自信的，害怕自己是不是真的夠好，可以獲得這麼多人支持和喜愛，我每一天都好緊張、
壓力好大，我好怕自己做的沒有他們想像中的好。每當他們說著多喜歡我的作品時，我有時會害怕，我
的作品是不是不夠好。會不會有人想看我的文章？
I was not confident when others like me. I thought about whether I was good enough to
accept other’s endorsement and caring. I was so nervous and felt stressful everyday. I am afraid
of to let the people down. When people said they like my works. I felt scared. I was not confident
at my works. Maybe no one will interest on my works.
每當別人稱讚我漂亮、稱讚我的外表，我有時會訝異自己根本不是美女。我長得矮，我又不瘦，我
從小就不覺得自己屬於美女那一掛的。我現在變比較漂亮了，那是因為我開始學會欣賞自己。但我有時
會沒自信，害怕我愛的人會愛上比我漂亮的女人。
When others praised me I am a pretty girl, I was surprised. I am short and I am not skinny. I
am exactly not a beautiful woman. When I was a child I know I am not in the beautiful group. I
become beautiful now. That is because I start to appreciate myself. Sometimes I still lost
confidence, thinking of my lover will fall in love with the woman which are much beautiful than
myself.
我很怕別人稱呼我為兩性作家，他們以為我很聰明、很厲害，很無所不能，事實上我談了戀愛也是
一樣愚笨，遇到問題也是緊張得發抖。我沒有自信成為一個專家，因為專家必須談戀愛很厲害、婚姻美
滿，但是我談戀愛不厲害，連老公在哪都看不到。
I don’t like others call me a gender expert. They thought I am smart and I can do everything.
I am stupid when I fall in love with someone. I will tremble when I meet some difficulties. I am
not confident of being a gender expert. Being a gender expert should very good at love and also
have a blessed family. But I am not good at love even I cannot find my husband until now.
在過去的戀愛中，我曾是個沒有自信的女孩，我曾低頭看著自己的障礙，我曾害怕自己不夠好，我
曾否定自己的價值，我曾差一點放棄自己的夢想。但是，這樣用沒自信的方法去愛一個人，結果通常不
是好事。因為他們當初愛的就是那有自信、有光芒、閃耀著快樂的我，而為什麼，我要變得對自己沒有
信心？
In the passed relationship, I was an unconfident girl. I didn’t have the courage to meet my
barriers. I negated my value. I almost lost my dream. At the end, it will not become a happy
ending when you keep this as your mind. Who they loved is the girl who has confidence and
sparkling around. Why I changed myself into another one?
過去半年來，我沉寂了一段時間，面對許多的失去和批判，我感到無限恐慌。我依然在外扮演我的
角色，當個女王，但是，我有好一段時間笑起來不開心、不斷懷疑自己的價值，不知道自己要走的方向，
我失去心靈的依靠，於是，我是著做很多事。
In the passed half year, I took a rest. I felt scared greatly when I faced a lot of missing and
criticisms. I still act my role in front of everyone. But I keep suspect myself and I didn’t feel
happy form the bottom of my heart for a long time. I lost my direction and miss spiritual
consolation. Then I tried to do many things.
我去拜拜，我參加教會活動，我接觸了很多不一樣的東西，我以為我可以從中找到我的自信、我的
快樂，我以為我可以相信我的朋友，對我的敵人展現真心，我就可以得到我想要的支持和依靠。這段時
間，我好惶恐的想要找到照亮我人生的方法，好想要找到曾經那麼自信的自己，但是我不斷跌倒。
I went to the temple and also go to the church. I am in touch with many different things. I
thought I can find my confidence and my happiness. I thought I can trust my friends and show my
genuineness to my enemies. Then I can get some support and I can rely on them. During the time,
I was so impatient on finding the methods which can get my confidence back. But I kept failed.
後來我發現，讓我沒自信的從來不是別人，而是我自己，我用著別人手中的刀不斷刺傷我自己。我
放大那些傷痕，卻沒想到，不讓傷口癒合的根本就是我自己。
The person which makes me unconfident is never others. I am the one. I use other’s knife to
hurt myself. I enlarged the scars. I didn’t heal my wounds. I am exactly the one who didn’t want
me recovered.
當外面的世界陽光普照，我卻站在洞穴裡，低頭看著我腳上的石頭。原來，最大的原因是我低著頭，
而沒有抬頭來看外面的世界。
The sun shines outside. I stand inside the cave. Head down on the stone near my foot. The
point is that I never look up. I never look up to see the worlds outside.
我那些沒自信的錯覺，並不是我不夠好，而是我忘記了我原來的好。一直把別人的否定和傷害，當
做衡量自己價值的方法。是他們不夠愛我，不是我不夠愛他們。
I have illusions of unconfident dose not meant that I am not good enough. That’s I forgot
how good I am. I use other’s negation and hurt to measure my value. They didn’t give me enough
love but I did.
當我為了這樣的困境和情緒停滯半年後，我發現，我把值得快樂的人生浪費在太多不快樂上。抬頭
看天空，有多少星星在閃耀，世界這麼大，我們卻把自己困在這個小地方、這個小洞，哪裡也走不出去，
是不是愚蠢至極？每次出國，發現世界有這麼多美好的地方，我們可以去的地方有這麼多，我們卻把自
己的世界縮的那麼小，我們可以去的地方這麼多，卻讓自己一直停留在同一個坑洞中，是不是很好笑？
When I look back at my half-year life, I realized I waste too much time on the unhappy
things. Looking up the sky, there are so many stars shines in the sky. The world is big and we
trapped ourselves in the small place. How stupid we are! When I go abroad, I discovered there
are so many beautiful things outside. We narrow our horizons. There are so many places that we
can go but we remain in the small place. Is that ridiculous?
那些看起來很難，坐起來卻很容易的事。其實往往就是在一念之間，你願意前進了，妳的人生會不
斷往前邁進，你不動，妳的人生只能一直停在這。而你後退了，卻也不能改變妳的過去，只能不斷困在
走不出的迷宮。
Things that look difficult but it will easier when you start to do it. Usually it is just an idea.
When you move on, your life goes ahead. When you remain, your life just stopped by here. And
when you retreat, you cannot change your past and you will be trapped just like be trapped in the
maze.
我想起過去，想起這些日子以來，我也曾那麼沒自信，也曾否定自己，想起是那麼好笑。原來我的
人生不該是用別人眼光看自己，而是要用自己的眼光來扮演我自己。我不該害怕自己不夠好，而是相信
自己可以更好。
Thinking of the past, it was funny that I was not confident and deny myself. I should not use
other’s comments to live my life. I should live my life with my own comments. I shouldn’t afraid of
how to be a perfect person. I should believe myself that I can be a better one.
我發現我要的不是心靈的慰藉，也不是求助於任何力量，而是，我自己是不是肯定自己，自己是不
是給自己力量。
I discovered I didn’t need spiritual consolation neither of recourse to another power. I
should be certain about myself and give myself power instead.
原來我需要的不是愛情，而是一個真正愛上我這個人、真正自我的人。否則，我只會越愛越沒安全
感，越愛越否定自己，越愛越失去光芒。
I don’t need love. All I need is a person loves me. And he should loves the real me. Otherwise
I will become unconfident, deny myself and lost myself.
我發現，我找到我自己的自信，不是因為來自誰的決定。而是，我終於找到肯定自己的方式。就是，
不要委屈自己在去獲得別人的肯定。別人給的是虛榮的快樂，自己給的，才是真實的肯定。
I found my confidence. It is not given by someone else. It is given by me. I found the
methods of certain myself. That is don’t wronged yourself to accept other’s certainty. What
others gave you is fake happiness. Which you give yourself is real happiness.
感謝那些曾讓我失去自信的過去和沒有信心的經歷，才讓我發現，只有我自己才能幫自己。我不需
努力尋找對我笑的人，我才能笑，而是我先笑了，我的世界才會跟著笑。我不需為愛去尋愛，而是我自
己有愛，我就能得到我想要的愛。
Thank the experiences of unconfident. Due to the experience, I found only I can help myself.
I don’t need to find a person who will makes me happy. I feel happy then my life will become
beautiful. I don’t need to find love. As long as I have love, I can get my love.
改變人生，沒什麼了不起，不過是一念之間。
It is not a big deal to change your life. It is just an idea.
抬起頭來，你擁有的是一片天空。
When you’re heads up, you owned the whole world.
499C0005
陳彥而
P.19~24
感謝那些傷害我的人
Thanks to those who have hurt me.
回過頭來看，或許他們根本沒有傷害我，而是我讓這段感情受傷了，我們讓彼此不斷受傷，卻以為這是
淒美浪漫難分難捨的愛情。
In retrospect, maybe they did not hurt me. Instead, I hurt this relationship. We injured each
other constantly, but we thought it was poignant and romantic love and unwilling to broke up.
在我們人生的成長過程中，難免有人會想要傷害我們，過了這麼多年來回頭看，我卻有不同的體會，
其實，我應該感謝他們當時的傷害，才能讓我現在過得這麼快樂。
During our life, it’s unavoidable that there are some people are trying to harm us. After so
many years, I have different comprehension when l looked back. Actually, I should be grateful
for the harm they did. Because of that, I could have such a happy life now.
曾經我寫過被以前的男友劈腿，那時候的我，覺得這簡直是不可能會出現在我人生的劇情，以為這是
人生中多麼大的挫折，但現在看起來，那時的傷痛根本微不足道。其實我很感謝他當時和別人在一起了，
並讓我死心的看到他與別的女生在床上的那一幕。因為這樣，我才能決心離開他，死了這一條心。
I have written the story about cheated by my previous boyfriend. At that time, I thought this
plot was simply impossible appear in my life. I thought it was such a big frustration in my life. But
that pain seems insignificant now. In fact, I was really thanks to him that he was get together
with someone else at that time. And let me give up hope of seeing that he and another girl on the
bed. Therefore, I could make up my mind to leave him.
我們就這樣分手，分手的時候，我只有在當天哭了一整天，隔天到現在，我再也沒為他掉過一滴眼淚。
We broke up like that. I was only cry for one day when we broke up. From that day, I have
never shed a tear for him to now.
我其實一直對他很抱歉，當時的我或許根本沒那麼愛他，只是我不能接受他劈腿的事實，我難過並不
是因為他不愛我，而是他怎麼能夠對不起我。所以早該離開的人應該是我，只是他做了那個殘酷的決定
而已。
Actually, I always feel sorry to him. Maybe I did not simply love him. I just could not accept the
fact that he cheated on me. The point that depressed me was not he didn’t love me; it was how he
can cheated on me.
我謝謝他讓我變成一位更堅強的女人，經過了這件事，我才知道原來我比想像中的堅強。在分手的那
一天，我從他家走出來，直接走到馬路中間，想要等一台車子撞死我的時候，我突然想到了：「我媽把
我生的這麼正，為什麼要被他糟蹋？」於是我走回人行道，然後，堅信自己可以走更好的人生。不該這
樣因為傷害我的人而去傷害我自己。
I am appreciating that he makes me become a stronger woman. After that, I realized that I am
stronger than I expected. At the day when we broke up, I came out from his house and walked
directly to the middle of the road. When I wanted to hit by a car, something came out in my mind.
I thought my mom gave me such a pretty face, why should I been treated like that. So, I went
back to the pavement. I believe I can live a better life. I should not do this thing just because
someone hurt me.
當年的我想的是我不應該被人糟蹋，但是現在的我想的不同了，很多時候其實糟蹋我們的是自己，如
果一段關係讓自己不快樂還死守著不放，那不是別人的錯，而是你自己的錯。所以現在想來，我也不覺
得是他的錯。只是當年的我們，都還不夠成熟，那些看起來轟轟烈烈的愛情，不過就是人生中的一個成
長經驗，讓我們學習怎麼去愛人和被愛，然後我們畢業了，拿到了證書，就要往下一步邁進。
In those days, my idea was that I should not be treated like this way. But now I think different.
Many times it is us who hurt ourselves. If a relationship let you feel unhappy, but you still don’t
want to give up. Then, it’s not other’s fault, is your own fault. So, I thought that was not his fault.
We just did not mature enough at then. Those that we thought are the vigorous love are just a
growing experience in our life. It let us to learn how to love and beloved. After we graduated and
got the certificate, we will move to the next step.
我人生中真正在一起、愛過的人不多，因為每一段都很長。在被劈腿之後，我埋首寫作，寫了很多很
多故事。後來我又愛上了一個人，那時我正面臨出書的人生抉擇。那時候我還只是一個上班族，因為喜
愛寫作的我在網路上已經擁有了不少讀者，有出版社找我出書，我很興奮的跑去告訴了我當時的男朋
友，說這是我一直以來內心裡的夢想，我終於有機會實現了。但是他卻無法真心替我開心，他說我太受
歡迎了，他不想當女王的男朋友，他只希望我過著平平凡凡的生活，嫁給他，當他的小女人就好。
There were not many people that I’ve been really loved in my life. Because all of the
relationships were keep for a long time. After been cheated by the boyfriend, I obsessed with
writing and wrote many stories. The, I fell in love with another man. At the same time, I was
considering whether to publish books or not. I was just an office worker at that time. Because I
love to writing on the internet, I have already had many readers. So the publisher came to ask me
if I want to publish a book. I told my boyfriend excitedly. I told him that was always been my
dream from the bottom of heart and I finally have a chance to achieve it. But he can not really
happy for me. He said I was so popular and he did not want to be the queen’s boyfriend. He just
wanted me to have a normal life, married him and be his wife.
當時的我不能理解，為何他不能為我的夢想實現而開心，他應該很欣賞我，卻為什麼不能替我開心、
為我覺得驕傲，而是覺得我的好變成了他的壓力，我越成功就會離他越遠？
I could not understand why he can not be happy for my dreams come true. He should be very
admiring me, but why he can not feel proud of me. Instead, my ability became his pressure. The
more I succeed, the more I leave him.
我不是大女人，我的心願也就是嫁給一個男人，能夠好好的當他的小女人，擁有幸福的家庭。但是，
擁有幸福和家庭的同時，我就必須失去了我的夢想嗎？為什麼我不能實現我的夢想，然後也能當他身邊
的小女人，為什麼男人可以同時選擇事業和家庭，女人就必須二選一？女人也可以做得到不是嗎？
I’m not a female chauvinist. I wish to marry a man and I could be able to be his good wife with
a happiness family. But, do I have to lose my dream if I have happiness and family at the same
time? Why can I achieve my dream and be his wife? Why man can choose both of business and
family, woman can only choose one of them? Woman can do that either, isn’t it?
我曾經想要保有愛情，讓對方開心，而讓自己失去了這個機會。但是，我怎麼想都覺得這絕對不是正
確的事情。如果他愛我，他應該要支持我，就像我愛一個人，我也絕對會百分之百的支持他，當他的後
盾。於是我做了讓自己不會後悔的決定，我還是努力的往我的夢想前進。
In order to keep love, I lost the chance at once. But after think rapidly, I felt this was
definitely not a right thing. If he loved me, he should be support me. When I love someone, I will
definitely support him and be his backup. So I made a decision which I will never regret, I will
still move toward to my dream.
我知道他是開心我的成就的，他是欣賞我的但是每當他恭喜我又往前邁進時，我就知道他會離我越
遠。我努力的追逐著他、追逐著我的夢想，我跑得好累，最後總是在不能理解的爭吵中逐漸削弱彼此的
感情。
I know he was happy for my achievement and admire me. But I know he will leave me farther
whenever he congratulated me that I get closer to my dream. I’m so tired to chase him and my
dream. And we always weaken our feelings in the incomprehensible quarrels.
我曾想過，如果當年的我不出書了，追隨著他離開了台灣，當一個好老婆、好媽媽，人生完全不一樣
了，那樣的我會比較幸福快樂嗎？很難講，人生中的任何一個決定都影響了未來的發展，一個念頭、一
個抉擇，就讓我們走向完全不一樣的道路。
I once thought that would I be happier if I did not publish the books and leave Taiwan with him,
being a good wife and good mother at then. It is hard to say, any one of the decisions in life will
affect the future. An idea, a decision will let us move forward to a completely different road.
你問我會不會後悔曾經做過的決定，我說我不會。因為我要相信不管我做什麼決定都是對的。然後才能
讓自己在對的那一條路義無反顧的往前走。
You ask me if I will regret the decision I once made, I will say not. Because I have to believe
whatever decision I made is right. Then, I can go ahead bravely without looking backs.
我感謝他放手讓我去實現夢想，我知道他很愛我，但是他的愛讓我無法呼吸。愛情是盲目的，但我無
法因為愛一個人而蒙住自己的雙眼。我知道我要走的路，不是別人幫我決定的。我即使有多愛他，但是
我還是選擇了我自己要的路，我努力的想要為他放棄我自己，但是每一次，我都知道這不是對的。
I am appreciating him to let me go to achieve my dream. I know he really loved me, but his love
made me feel breathless. Love is blind. But I can not blindfold my eyes just because I love
someone. I know which way I want to go and it’s not decided by others. I know how much I loved
him, but I still choose my own way. I was trying so hard to give up myself for him, but I knew it is
not right every time.
後來我才體悟，如果在愛情裡，你要面臨的抉擇是讓你有猶豫、有懷疑的，那一定不是正確的決定。
就算我們再怎麼樣說服自己，那也絕對不是正確的決定。
Then I realized that if there is a decision makes you feel hesitate and doubt, then that is an
incorrect answer. Even though how we convince ourselves, which is absolutely not a right decision.
我一直很感謝我所遇到的人，就算分手分得不開心，其實他們都是對我很好的人。我沒有遇過真正的
壞男人，沒有跟不好的男生交往過，這應該是我人生最大的慶幸。
I have always feel grateful to the people I met. Actually they were very kind to me, even
though the breakup was not very happily. I have ever met a real bad man and never hang out with
bad boy before. Maybe it is the greatest lucky in my life.
我曾經很難過的想，為什麼我總是以為愛上了一個人可以好好的相愛到最後，但總是會出現一些事情
讓我跌倒受傷？我曾經很羨慕那些愛情超順利，一戀愛就可以結婚的好運女。但是換個角度想，我若沒
有經過這些，或許我也不會像現在這樣擁有堅強的內在，以及更了解自己想要的是什麼。好不好命往往
在自己的一念間，別人的好，不見得是我們要的，每個人本該經歷的人生就不同，根本沒有什麼好比較
的。
Why am I always thinking that if I fall in love with someone, we can love each other to the last?
But there is always something that makes me feel upset and hurt. I have envy those girls who
have successful relationship and those who can get married once they fall in love with someone.
But thinking in another way, if I did not pass through these before, maybe I would not have a
strong intrinsic like this. As well as I can more understand what I want. Lucky or not is often
decided by a point of view. The good of others is not necessarily what we want. The experiences
of everyone should be different. It is no need to compare.
那一些在當時看起來是傷害我的人，其實到最後都是帶給我最大的助力和幫助。回過頭來看，或許他
們根本沒有傷害我，而是我讓這段感情受傷了，我們讓彼此不斷受傷，卻以為這是淒美浪漫難分難捨的
愛情。
At that time, those who seem to be hurt me are actually the people who gave me greatest help
and assistance at the end. In retrospect, maybe they did not hurt me. Instead, I hurt this
relationship. We injured each other constantly, but we thought it was poignant and romantic love
and unwilling to broke up.
失去，不一定是不好。離開，不一定是失去。我不再害怕失去與離開，因為我知道，有時候我得到的
會更多。
Losing is not necessarily bad. Leaving is exactly lost. I am nor afraid of losing and leaving,
because I know that sometimes I would obtain more.
以前的那些難過與傷痛，現在看起來不過是像被蚊子叮了一口的感覺。我也學習到，不夠快樂的我，
是不可能擁有一段快樂的關係。我以為找到一個人可以帶給自己幸福，但是發現，如果我自己否定自己、
討厭自己，那麼，不管我跟誰在一起都不會幸福。
Those sorrows and pains are just like the feeling of bitten by a mosquito now. I also learned
that if I was not happy enough, it is impossible to me to have a happiness relationship. I thought I
can find someone to bring me happiness, but I found that if I deny myself, hate myself, then I
will never be happiness no matter with whom.
感謝那些曾經對我好，又離開我的人，我的人生因為認識你們而豐富，因為失去你們而美好。那些年，
我們一起經歷過的故事，現在是我最美好的記憶。
Thanks to those who were good to me but left me. My life becomes rich and colorful because of
you. It is beautiful because of losing you. The stories that we have been through in those years is
me most beautiful memories now.
謝謝你們。
Thank you.
499C0027
薛方筑
P.25~29
改變別人，不如先改變自己
Change yourself rather than trying to change others.
改變自己，你才會拿回人生的主導權。
想要改變別人，你只是一個把人生成敗交付給別人的賭客。
To change yourself, and then you can talk back your life.
If you want to change somebody, you just the gambler who give the success or failure to other
people.
常接到許多人問我感情問題，總是會有一句:「為什麼他會這樣?」「為什麼我這麼愛他，他還是會…?」
很多個「為什麼」
，讓人不知怎麼回答，你問我，我也很想問為什麼。但是，
「為什麼」就一定有答案嗎?
Most people ask me the emotional problems, some questions are always appeared, "why does he
do this like that?" "I love him so much, but why...?" Many questions, and people do not know how to
answer. If you ask me, I will want to ask why. However, how come they must have answers?
***
有次參加座談會時，看到網路統計出現代人感情中最常遇到的問題，其中有好幾個問題是：「對方常
會與異性搞曖昧」
「當對方愛上了小三怎麼辦」
「感情不忠、劈腿」
「總是愛不對人」
「覺得世界上沒有好
男(女)人」.....
One time I attend the conference, seeing the statistics on the Net that the common problem
in the relationship. Some of the problems are that "he or she has vagueness", "How to solve if he
or she falls in love with another guy?" "He or she is not devoted." "Always fall in love with wrong
people." "There is not good girl or boy in the world."
我看了看，突然覺得以上幾點的問題都是一樣，這些問題簡單來說，就是「你選擇錯誤」。
Suddenly, I think that these questions are all the same. Simply, speaking, " You get the wrong
choice."
當你選擇錯誤後，又不斷的抱怨對方為何不改變、為何不愛你、為何不珍惜，為何要搞曖昧要劈腿……
是沒有意義的，因為你選擇了錯誤的對象，對方就是這樣的人，為何要苦惱他不能改變?為何要問這麼
多「為什麼」?而他本來就是這樣的人，這是你選擇錯誤，不是他的問題。
You not only get the wrong choice but also keep complaining that why do not he or she love you.
Why do not he or she get the change? Why didn't he or she cherish? Why do he or she have
vagueness or fall in love with another person? That's meaningless! Due to your wrong choice, he
or she is the person like that. Why do you confuse that he or she do not want to change himself?
Why do you have such more questions? He or she is definitely the person like that. It's depend
on your wrong choice, not his or her problem.
那麼何不反過來想，如果你去選擇一個不會傷害你、讓你失望的對象，你就不用去問這麼多個「為什
麼」
，選錯了對象，又不斷的想要把他變成「對」的對象，改變不了就怨天尤人:「為什麼我做了這麼多，
為什麼我這麼愛他，他這樣對我?」但你從沒想過，或許是你自己的問題。
On the other hand, if you choose the person who won't hurt you and make you disappointed, you
won't have to ask such more questions. Having the wrong choice, and you constantly want to make
he or she become your Mr. or Mrs. Right. If it doesn't change, you will complain and complain. And
you will ask "How come he or she treat me like that?" "I do love him!" However, you never think
that it's your own problem.
舉例來說，如果狗改不了吃屎，你卻每天餵牠吃飼料、吃了美食，吃營養保健食品，吃了半天你覺得
你家的狗改變了、變成個人了，但有天發現，他還是比較喜歡吃屎。於是你大怒:「人活得好好的為什麼
要吃屎?」「我給你吃了那麼多美食，為何你要吃屎?」
For example, dogs can't help from eating shit. You feed them fodder delicious food or healthy
food. Day after day, you find that your dogs still like to eat previous thing. And you stamp with
fury. "People are living well but why you want to eat shit?" "I let you eat so such delicious food
but why do you want to eat shit?"
狗很無辜。事實上，他本來就愛吃屎的，是你自己硬要改變他。那麼，你為何要去找條狗來改造成為
你要的人，而不直接找個不會吃屎的人就好了呢? (這只是比喻，並沒有批評小動物的意思。)
Dogs are innocent. In fact, they originally like to eat shit. You force them to change
themselves. So, why do you find a dog to make it become a person who you want and directly find
a person who doesn't like to eat shit. (It's just a comparison, not the meaning of criticize the
animals.)
所以，當你不斷的付出，不斷的想把對方改造成你夢想中的另一半，擁有期望的感情模式，最後失敗
了，你怨恨自己付出沒有收穫、真心被狗咬。但是你一開始就知道這是個高風險的投資，誰說你只要付
出了就穩賺不賠?
So, when you contently invest, making he or she become your ideal Mr. or Mrs. Right, having
expected emotional mode. Finally you fail, complaining there is no gain and you heart was
destroyed. However, you know this is the investment with high risk at first. Does anyone says,
"As long as you invest, you won't lose the money?"
我曾經也當過想要改變對方的人，後來我發現，對方只是一時的遷就、配合，很多人願意為了愛而犧
牲一下、委屈一下、假裝一下，但這並不是他真正的心意。
I was a person who wanted to change other people. Then I realized that accommodation is just
a period of time to the opposite side. Many people are willing to sacrifice or pretend to be
another person, but this is not his or her real regard.
我也曾為了戀愛假裝自己食量不大、文靜不多話、凡事聽對方的話、假裝是瘦子、假裝是個稱職的花
瓶，但是，我發現這不是真正的我，我願意為愛情改變，並不能代表我會假裝變成另一個人。
I had once pretended not eating as much as usual, quiet and not that talkative, reply every
request, a very slim person, a person who looks impressive but is worthless. But, after all, I
realize this is not the real me. I would do everything for love, but is does not mean I can pretend
to be another person.
許多人問：「人到底會不會改變?」我認為還是會。但是這樣的改變並不是被別人所要求的，而是自己
發自內心的想改變、成長，經過人生歷練而自我的改變。而不是今天別人要我不吃辣，你就可以馬上假
裝你真的不愛吃辣。你叫對方不准跟前女友聯絡，他就真的把前女友電話刪掉、設成拒接。
這是不可能的!
Many people have the same question that whether people change or not. To me, the answer is
positive. This kind of change is not asked by others but comes from the bottom of his or her
heart and through the experience of life.
This is impossible.
就像電視劇《犀利人妻》，人妻為了要把老公追回來，努力的改變自己，但是到最後她發現自己在這
過程中早已成長、改變了，當她不在為了追回老公努力的假裝成另一個人，而是成為一個全新而有自信
的自己。她把自己打理得更好、更聰明、更有自信，她改變了自己，她也不再需要去改變她的前夫。
To take the soap opera, The Fierce Wife as an example, the wife did a lot of effort to change
herself just for chasing her husband back, but to the end, she found out she had change into
another person during the changing process. As she became a brand-new and confident person,
she was smarter and wiser because she changed herself, it was useless to change her
ex-husband.
因為，改變自己，你才能夠得到你真正需要的自信、智慧和眼界，不斷的想改變別人，其實自己在這
過程中一點也不快樂。當你自己的心態改變了，你才會發現自己真正需要的是什麼，或許早已不是那個
過去你以為沒他不能的生活，而是你可以真正的為了自己而活。
Changing yourself makes you get what you need, like confidence, wisdom and ken. There is no
happiness in the process of changing other people. When you change your attitude and thought,
you would finally know what you lack. You are able to live for your own.
改變別人，改變不了會讓你失望難過，會讓你恨鐵不成鋼、會讓你的得失心太重。那樣的改變，連自
己的人生也拖累。
If you cannot change others, you would feel disappointed and sad. The change encumber your
life.
改變自己，你才會拿回人生的主導權。改變別人，你只是一個把人生成敗交付給別人的賭客。
To change yourself, and then you can talk back your life. If you want to change somebody, you
just the gambler who give the success or failure to other people.
如果他很珍惜、他有良心、他懂得你的用心、他不會吃屎，那是好事。如果不是呢?難道你要跟他一
起吃屎嗎? 還是一起活在屎堆裡?
If he is cherished, he has a conscience, he knows you are attentive to him and he will not eat
shit, that's a good thing. If it is not? Did you want to eat shit with him? Or just live together in
pile of shits?
當你在想「為什麼他不會改?」
「為什麼我做了這麼多，他還是這樣?」
「為什麼我這麼愛他，他卻這樣?」
「為什麼我這麼倒楣?」「為什麼我會一直遇到爛人?」「為什麼他對我這樣?」……
When you are thinking that "Why did he not change?" "Why do I do so much, he was so?" "Why
am I so love him, but he so?" "Why am I so unlucky?" "Why I will always encounter to bad people?
"" Why is he do that to me? "......
當你在想很多個「為什麼」的時候，請換個角度想：「為什麼你會愛上這種人?」
When you are thinking a lots of "why", please think another point: "Why do you fall in love with
this man?"
對方有錯，但是這是你自己的選擇。你可以不要愛他啊? 為何你偏要愛? 你要好好思考，為何你會選
擇他，這才是你的盲點!
The opposite side is wrong, but it is your own choice. You can choose not to love him. But why
you jsut want to choose to love him? You have to think carefully about why you would love him, and
this is your blind spot!
如果選擇錯了，就佈要努力把答案改成對的。何不，就去找個對的選項?
If you choose the wrong answer, you should not to change the they to right answer. Why not
just go to find the right option?
很多人終其一生都在錯的選擇裡將錯就錯、自我欺騙、不願改變，花了一生希望把它改成對。
Many people are choose the wrong answer in the wrong choices all his life, self-deception,
unwilling to change, and spent a lifetime to change it to right.
不要再問為什麼、為什麼、為什麼……，很簡單，因為你選錯了。多年後你回頭想，你反而會笑自己：
「為什麼我當年那麼傻?」
Do not ask why, why, why ...... again and again. Very simple that it is because you are wrong. But
when you look back years later, you will laugh at yourself and think that "Why I was so stupid?"
不要再問為什麼，不如去找一個讓你覺得「為什麼我會那麼幸福」的人吧!這一個「為什麼」還比較有
意義。
Do not ask why again, and try to make you feel better to look for "Why am I a happy person"
now! That's more meaningful than ask "why".
努力改變別人，不如先改變自己。
Change yourself rather than trying to change others.