GENDERED COMMUNICATION
PRACTICES
“Communication between men and women can be like cross
cultural communication, prey to a clash of conversational
styles” Deborah Tannen (1990)
WOMEN’S
SPEECH
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For Most Women
Communication is:
to establish and
maintain
relationships
conversation is for
sharing and learning
about others
Talk is the essence
of relationships
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Equality between people is
generally important
try and achieve symmetry
often match experiences
– “you’re not alone in how you
feel
– “I’ve done the same thing
many times”
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respond and build on each
other’s ideas
– Rather than “you-tell-your-ideathen-I’ll-tell-mine,” voices weave
together to create conversations.
EQUALITY
SHOWING SUPPORT
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Often express understanding & Sympathy
– “Oh, you must feel terrible”
– “I think you did the right thing”
– “I really hear what you are saying”
RELATIONSHIP LEVEL
Focus on feelings
Focus on relationship between communicators
rather than content
 often probe to understand feelings
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– “Tell me about what happened?”
– “How did you feel when it occurred?”
– “Do you think it was deliberate?”
Content is dealt with but also feelings involved.
CONVERSATION MAINTENANCE
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Women’s style is conversational maintenance work
efforts to sustain talk
often initiate topics for others
– “How was your day”
– “Tell me about your meeting”
– “Did anything interesting happen on your trip”
INCLUSIVITY
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RESPONSIVENESS
usually respond in
some fashion
verbally and
nonverbally more
engaged
make other feel
valued and included
PERSONAL, CONCRETE STYLE
Typical of
women's
conversation are
 personal
disclosures
 details
 anecdotes
 concrete
reasoning
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TENTATIVENESS
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Verbal Hedges
• “I kind of feel you may
be overreacting”
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Qualifiers
• “I’m not the best judge
of this, but...”
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Keep Talk Provisional,
Tag questions that invite
response
• “That was a pretty good
movie, wasn’t it?”
• “We should get out this
weekend, don’t you
think?”
MEN’S SPEECH
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Goal of talk is
exerting control,
preserving
independence,
and enhancing
status.
Conversation is
the arena for
proving oneself
& negotiating
prestige.
Men’s Speech
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General
Tendencies
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Use talk to
establish and
defend personal
status and ideas
When comforting,
they do so by
respecting others
independence and
avoiding
condescending
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SHOW KNOWLEDGE, SKILL, OR ABILITY
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Avoid disclosing
personal information
that might appear
weak or vulnerable
• e.g., someone
expresses concern
about a relationship
with a boyfriend
– “The way you should
handle that is...”
– “Don’t let him get to
you.”
– “You ought to tell
him....”
ADVICE
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Tendency to
give ADVICE
Instrumental not feeling, but
rather what you
should do
Superiority Maintain control
Men see as
“give and take,”
Women as lack
of concern
INSTRUMENTALITY
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Instrumentality - The
use of talk to
accomplish instrumental
objectives
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Men socialized to do things,
achieve goals
In talk this is expressed as
problem-solving, getting
information, facts,
suggesting solutions
This focus on content works
between men
Show support in ways
learned to do so - solve the
problem.
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CONVERSATIONAL DOMINANCE
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Men tend to
dominate
conversations talk more than
women
Talk more
frequently
For longer
duration
Select topic of
talk
Interrupt more
Men interrupt to control conversation
Women interrupt to show interest, affirm
ABSOLUTE,
ASSERTIVE TALK
– Language tends
to forceful,
direct,
authoritative
– Less use of
hedges and
disclaimers
ABSTRACT
TALK
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Speak in general terms
Fewer concrete
experiences
More distanced from
personal feelings
Works best in Public
situation where
theoretical & conceptual,
talk is appropriate
LESS RESPONSIVE
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More “minimal
response cues”
Less sympathy
and selfdisclosure
• Sympathy seen
as sign of
condescension
• Personal
problems seen as
vulnerability
Talking about Troubles
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Woman disappointed
in not getting job
– Man says, “You
shouldn’t feel bad.
Lots of people don’t
get jobs they want”
• She thinks, he belittles
her experience
• He thinks, he is
showing respect by
bolstering her
independence
Talking about Troubles, Cont.
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Man disappointed is not getting job
– Woman says, “Are you okay” What’s
bothering you?”
• He thinks this points out his vulnerability
• She probes to show she cares
RELATIONSHIP TALK
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WOMEN
It’s going
fine if there
is talk
Talk is a
process to
sustain
relationship
Talk is a
way to
show
closeness
– “We need
to talk,” to
affirm our
caring
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MEN
It’s going
fine if there
is no need
to talk
Talk is to
solve
problems
Talk
indicate a
problem
– Duck
when she
say, “we
need to
talk”
GENDER
QUESTIONNAIRE
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Men talk more than women. T/F
T
Men are more likely to interrupt women than they are
to interrupt other men.
T
Women tend to confront problems more directly and
are likely to bring up the problem first.
T
Questionnaire, cont.
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During conversation men spend more time looking at their partner
than women do.
F
Women are more alert to nonverbal cues than men are.
T
Groups that use the male style of sticking to the task get more work
done.
F
In general men and women talk about the same things.
F
Women use less personal space than men do.
T
When a man speaks, he is listened to more carefully than a
woman, even if the presentation is identical.
T
Questionnaire, cont.
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In general women speak in a more tentative style than men do.
T
Women are more likely than men to disclose personal
information.
T
In general men smile more often than women.
F
Women are more likely than men to answer questions that are
not addressed to them.
F
Women and men are equally emotional when they speak.
T
Men appreciate jokes more than women.
T
THE END
Based on Julia Wood’s book Gendered Lives