Third Level Exemplification: CEL ( Non-Fiction)
Es and Os
To show my understanding across different areas of learning, I can:
• identify and consider the purpose, main concerns or concepts and use supporting detail
• make inferences from key statements
• identify and discuss similarities and differences between different types of text. LIT 3-16a
I can:
• discuss and evaluate the structure, characterisation and/or setting using some supporting evidence
• identify the main theme of the text and recognise the relevance this has to my own and others’ experiences
• identify and comment on aspects of the writer’s style and other features appropriate to genre using some relevant evidence. ENG3 – 19a
As appropriate to my purpose and type of text, I can punctuate and structure different types of sentences with sufficient accuracy, and arrange these to make
meaning clear, showing straightforward relationships between paragraphs. LIT 3-22-a
Throughout the writing process, I can review and edit my writing to ensure that it meets its purpose and communicates meaning at first reading. LIT 3-23a
Significant aspect of learning – reading
Progression framework statements
Use reading and listening strategies to understand, Discusses structure, characterisation and setting using evidence. Understands how the theme is
developed and links to own and others experiences.
analyse and evaluate texts
Identifies and discusses the writer’s style and features appropriate to genre using evidence.
Overarching Learning Intentions
- To develop understanding of non-fiction genre.
-To analyse the writer’s use of language to communicate
ideas. - To analyse character and setting and theme in a
non-fiction text.
Success Criteria
-I can recognise the autobiographical genre.
– -I can identify examples of
setting and character.
-I can identify examples of setting and character.
-I can analyse character, setting and theme effectively using supporting evidence.
-I can evaluate how well the author communicates the main ideas in the autobiography.
Pupil Task
In the autobiographical story ‘Butterflies’ we learn about a young boy’s experience in an orphanage. Show how the author communicates a theme through the
events, setting and characterisation in the story.
Context
Understanding – Pupils read the autobiographical piece and class discussion of the genre was undertaken.
the autobiography.
AnalysingGroup work used to analyse themes and find supporting evidence.
communicate theme.
Group work used to analyse language and how it identifies theme.
Group work to identify themes present in
Group discussion to analyse use of setting to
Group discussion to analyse use of character to communicate theme.
EvaluatingUsing the autobiography to evaluate how well the writer communicates the character and setting to the reader. Evaluating the impact of the writer’s
experience on the reader.
Discussion with pupils around the exemplar material fed into the generation of the success criteria.
Butterflies Essay
In the empirical autobiographical story ‘Butterflies’ by Roger Dean Kiser we learn about a young boy’s
experience in an orphanage. We will see how the author communicates through the events, setting and
characterisation in the story.
Commented [MP1]: Learner Voice
I clearly identified the autobiographical genre
The author shows the innocence of childhood through the main events of the story.
Commented [M3]: Identification of theme is shown ENG 3-19a
“There was a time in my life when beauty meant something special to me.”
The word ’beauty’ and the use of past tense shows that the boy used to have a sense of innocence before
his experiences in the orphanage.
Commented [M2]: Understanding of genre is clearly shown LIT
3-16a
Commented [M4]: Use of supporting detail is evident
throughout the essay. LIT3-16a
Commented [M5]: Identification of writer’s use of language
features ENG3-19a
“I buried them in the bottom of the fort that I had built in the ground.”
It is clear that the boy had built the fort in his early days at the orphanage when he was still within the
innocence of childhood. He buried them in the fort that he built because maybe he felt that they deserved
a proper burial underground like everyone else instead of being pinned to a piece of cardboard paper,
which is a tragic death for any being.
Kiser not only shows the innocence of childhood through the main events of the story but also in the
setting. He does this by using the contrast in settings to reflect the movement from the innocence of
childhood to the reality of the world.
In these first two quotes we see the happier and more natural settings in the orphanage.
Commented [MP6]: Learner Voice
I discussed the theme of the story and identified key events to help
illustrate the theme
Commented [M7]: Setting is recognised and links directly to
theme ENG 3-19a
Commented [MP8]: Learner Voice
My topic sentences could link to the task and be a bit more detailed
“I sat there in the dirt, by that big old tree, for the longest time trying to fit all the butterfly pieces back
together.”
This suggests that for a moment the boy went back to his childhood ways of trying to fix something which
you had broken. Reality for the boy was that sometimes the pieces don’t go back together or if they do
they tend not to work no matter long or hard you try, it just won’t happen.
Commented [M9]: Analysis of characterisation is evident ENG 319a
“I had walked many times out into the bushes, all by myself, just so the butterflies could land on my
head, face and hands so I could look at them up close.”
This shows us that the boy has to go out and find beauty for himself, showing the movement from
childhood. This suggests that this place in the bushes may be the only true beauty at the orphanage as he
has been many times. Also, “all by myself,” tells suggests to us that he doesn’t want to share this place
with anyone in case they tell the house parent who will come and kill the butterflies.
These next two quotes show the unnatural settings of his time in the orphanage.
“The orphanage was a bad place to live and a very bad place to die.”
This final sentence sums up what the boy now knows the orphanage to be. We know this because from
living in the orphanage he has changed from an innocent boy to a little soldier. Also, we know it’s a very
bad place to die because the boy has witnessed such beautiful creatures die a tragic death so how can
anything greater possibly die any better.
Commented [M10]: Characterisation and writer’s style is
analysed effectively.
ENG 3-19a
Commented [MP11]: Learner Voice
My topic sentences could link to the task and be a bit more varied
and detailed
“How cruel it was to kill something of such beauty.”
This tells us that the environment and atmosphere of the orphanage didn’t care for beauty or have any
it’s self, much like the reality of the world where all that seems to matter is money not beauty. And the
only beauty that the orphanage may have ever come across was the butterflies which were in the process
of being slaughtered.
Commented [M12]: Recognition of the theme and how it links
to own experience and that of others. ENG 3-19a
Kiser successfully communicates the theme of innocence through these four quotes to show the
movement from innocence of childhood to the reality of the world in both natural and unnatural settings.
Finally, he also communicates the theme (innocence of childhood) through characterisation.
Commented [M13]: Structure of paragraphs and sentences is
fairly consistent throughout LIT 3-22a
“He picked up the cardboard paper and started hitting me on the top of my head.”
We can clearly see that the house parent has no respect or doesn’t actually care about the boy as he is
hitting him. And because of this we actually get a sense of what it might be like living in the boy’s shoes:
unpleasant. Even though the boy didn’t do anything and he is been punished this shows him the reality
of the world.
Commented [M14]: Understanding of other’s experiences ENG
3-19a
“I would get up every morning at the orphanage, make my bed just like the little soldier that I had
become”
This indicates that he is no longer an innocent child but instead a little soldier in the real world, making
his bed without help from a grown-up as he maybe once did before he was changed.
Commented [M15]: Evaluation of characterisation is
demonstrated
ENG 3-19a
Kiser shows characterisation through the theme of the innocence of childhood clearly.
Kiser is able to successfully show the communication between the theme of the innocence of childhood
to the reality of the world through the main events, natural and unnatural settings and characterisation
in the empirical autobiographical story ‘Butterflies’.
Word Count 813
Commented [M16]: Editing process ensures that writing
communicates meaning at first reading. Meets the purpose of a CEL.
LIT 3-23a
CEL & Close Reading (Analysing & Evaluating)
Third Level
Outcome Statement
To show my understanding across different areas of learning, I can:
• identify and consider the purpose, main concerns or concepts and
use supporting detail
• make inferences from key statements
• identify and discuss similarities and differences between different
types of text. LIT 3-16a
Teacher Comment &
Next Steps
Autobiography is recognized
but it is important to
identify that the author is
the boy in the writing.
To show my understanding, I can comment, with evidence, on the content and form of
short and extended texts, and respond to literal, inferential and evaluative questions
and other types of close reading tasks. ENG 3-17a
To help me develop an informed view, I am exploring the techniques used to influence
my opinion. I can recognise persuasion and assess the reliability of information and
credibility and value of my sources. LIT 3-18a
I can:
• discuss and evaluate the structure, characterisation and/or setting using some
supporting evidence
Characterisation is analysed
well. Supporting evidence is
used.
• identify the main theme of the text and recognise the relevance this has to my own
and others’ experiences
Main theme is defined and
referred to consistently.
• identify and comment on aspects of the writer’s style and other features
appropriate to genre using some relevant evidence.
ENG 3-19a
Links are made to own
experiences and that of
others.
Writer’s use of language is
mentioned and analysed to a
reasonable degree.
Technical Aspects
I can use a range of strategies and resources and spell most of the words I
need to use, including specialist vocabulary, and ensure that my spelling is
accurate. LIT 321-a
As appropriate to my purpose and type of text, I can punctuate and structure
different types of sentences with sufficient accuracy, and arrange these to
make meaning clear, showing straightforward relationships between
paragraphs. LIT 322-a
Sentences are punctuated
and structured well.Topic
sentences could be developed
Writing is well edited and
Throughout the writing process, I can review and edit my writing to ensure
that it meets its purpose and communicates meaning at first reading. LIT 323a
meets the purpose and
meaning is clear.
In which skills did I do best and why?
● I understood the autobiographical genre and linked the writing to the real person.
•
I understood the theme and was able to link the writer’s ideas to the theme and what this
meant to him and I could also link it to my own experiences .
What area could I improve?
•
I need to work on the structure of my topic sentences. I also need to make a clearer link
between the author and the character in the story.
How can I improve this area?
•
In my next essay I must make sure that I try to make my topic sentences a little more
detailed and that I make it very clear that the type of writing is clear all the way through
my essay.
Third Exemplification: Persuasive Writing
Es and Os
I recognise when it is appropriate to quote from sources and when I should put points into my own words. I
can acknowledge my sources appropriately. LIT 3-25-a
By considering the type of text I am creating, I can:
-independently select ideas and relevant information for different purposes
-organise essential information or ideas and any supporting detail in a logical order
-use suitable vocabulary to communicate effectively with my audience. LIT 3-26-a
I can engage and/or influence readers through my use of language, style and tone as appropriate to genre.
ENG 3-27a
I can persuade, argue, evaluate, explore issues or express an opinion using a clear line of thought, relevant
supporting detail and/or evidence. LIT 3-29a
As appropriate to my purpose and type of text, I can punctuate and structure different types of sentences with
sufficient accuracy, and arrange these to make meaning clear, showing straightforward relationships between
paragraphs. LIT 322-a
Significant aspect of learning – writing
Progression framework statements
create texts of increasing
sophisticated language
complexity
using
more
Uses texts, including own notes, to analyse ideas and
information and to create new texts. Acknowledges and
references sources.
Demonstrates a clear understanding of genre conventions
by confidently creating a variety of texts to address purpose
and engage the audience.
Overarching Learning Intentions
Success Criteria
-Developing ability to source, integrate and
reference relevant research
-Building a convincing line of argument
-Communicating effectively with target audience
using appropriate language
-I can identify appropriate material and ideas from a
range of sources
-I can include and reference secondary material in my
writing
-I can plan and structure my writing in a logical way
-I can use language to help persuade my audience
Pupil Task
Write a well-researched and detailed persuasive essay on a topic or issue of your choice. Ensure you use
persuasive language, maintain a clear line of argument and reference your sources in the appropriate
manner.
Context
Understanding - prior to beginning their persuasive writing task, the pupils engaged in a series of class
debates. They watched examples of people debating (http://www.bbc.co.uk/learningzone/clips/debateabout-the-merits-of-heat-magazine/10694.html) and revised the use of rhetorical questions, emotive
language and word choice etc.
Analysing- the pupils also looked in detail at the language and style of exemplar persuasive essays with a
particular focus on: tone, structure, language choice and referencing techniques.
Evaluating- as a group, the pupils evaluated the exemplar material with a view to producing a list of criteria
that they felt made for an effective persuasive essay.
The class debates and discussion with pupils around the exemplar material fed into the generation of the success
criteria.
.
An Unhealthy System
Do we benefit from a ‘free’ health care scheme? Or are we simply throwing our money at those who do not pay taxes
yet still insist upon exploiting the generosity of our NHS for their own personal gain? The health care system that is in
place is extremely flawed and is in need of fixing to ensure that our society is one in which we do not simply 'take' but
have to 'give back’ in return.
Commented [MP1]: ENG 3-27a Rhetorical questions engage
reader in topic and, along with effective word choice, are used to
persuasive effect
The NHS was launched in 1948 and since then the people of Scotland have been receiving free health care, as they call
it. When it comes down to it however, this 'free' health care is far from free. The money which is taken from taxpayers’ pockets is a monthly reminder that free health is not free for all, merely free for those who are clever enough
to outwit the authorities and avoid the payment of taxes.
Commented [MP3]: LIT 3-26-a Paragraph reads as a second
introduction. Perhaps some of the ideas and research could have
been integrated into the introduction
The NHS is spending more and more money each year on Health Care. In 2002/03 the NHS spent £57.049 billion on
health care. By 2012/13 £105.254 billion was spent by the NHS, and it is predicted that by the time we reach 2013/14,
£109.956 billion will be spent annually on health care. These figures are increasing yearly and are set to spiral out of
control. If these figures continue increasing in the same way the NHS will be paying £152.77 billion for the year of
2020/21. This shows that these figures are increasing to a level that is unsustainable. Worse still, with the rising of
these figures also comes the rising of taxes.
Commented [MP5]: LIT 3-26-a Research is relevant and
integrated well.
One of the more costly operations the NHS performs is a transplant. A transplant for a liver is costing the NHS £17,500
per person which is expensive when people are taking advantage of these transplants. These figures could decrease
significantly if the NHS could better identify people who would waste their transplants. Why should we pay for an
alcoholic to get a new liver when we know they will return to drink again? The case of ex-footballer George Best is a
perfect example. He received a healthy liver but continued to abuse alcohol and died. Deepak Mahtani from the
organisation Transplants in Mind said everybody deserves equal treatment from the NHS - including George Best. He
stated that "drinking is part of the society in which we live, and he is only human with human frailties." It is perhaps
worth remembering that genuinely ill people missed out of a healthy liver because of Best. It is also worth
remembering that, according to John Forsythe, vice president of the British Transplantation Society, around 15-20%
of patients do drink following surgery. Are we really okay with this level of continuing abuse of the NHS?
The surgeon who performed George Best's transplant says "Urgent measures are needed to identify patients who are
likely to abuse alcohol after their operations, so they can be kicked off hospital waiting lists. The shortage of liver
donors has increased as has pressure on surgeons to pick patients who are likely to benefit most from the transplant."
So should our NHS be paying for treatment for people who have caused themselves to need these transplants when
all they are going to do is continue to abuse themselves and live with their unhealthy lifestyles?
Smokers are another huge drain on the NHS and the bill for their healthcare again has to be picked up by taxpayersmany of whom do not smoke. To make matters worse there are a huge number of smokers who receive treatment for
smoking related diseases on the NHS and then continue to puff their lives away. A survey of post-transplant patients
found an “undeniably high” rate of post operation smoking among patients. A staggering 23% of the patients
admitted starting smoking again afterwards. The survey also stated that “although this sobering truth may be
shocking, these data are comparable to the 25% of heart and renal transplant recipients testing positive for posttransplant smoking.” These figures go to show the level of abuse of the NHS system. People's loved ones are passing
away wishing to donate their organs to someone in need of a donation but unfortunately these selfish people are
taking advantage of organs and after being granted the transplant thanks to someone's family member they go back
to the unhealthy lifestyle they used to live. Money and vital organ donations are being wasted by people who appear
to not care about other people and only themselves. This type of abuse must be prevented and if better regulations
can’t be put in place then it is time for the whole healthcare system to change.
In conclusion, the free Health Care scheme is in desperate need of help and if we don't do something soon we will
have to watch our taxes rise as we pay for people who take advantage of the broken system. We must put a stop to
Commented [MP2]: LIT 3-29a
The line of argument is clear
Commented [M4]: LEARNER VOICE
I need to read my work before I finish to make sure that I don’t
repeat myself or make sentences that are too long.
Commented [MP6]: ENG 3-27a Effective use of language in the
analysis of the figures.
Commented [M7]: LEARNER VOICE
I used facts and figures well. I tried to find research which would
support the ides that I was writing about.
Commented [MP8]: LIT 3-29a The research is used well in
support of the line of argument
Commented [MP9]: LIT 3-25-a The source is referenced
accurately prior to quoting and is also referenced in the bibliography
below
Commented [MP10]: LIT 322-a & ENG 3-27a The parallel
openings to these sentences help to emphasise the writer’s point
Commented [M11]: LEARNER VOICE
I used rhetorical questions to involve the reader and also to
persuade them.
Commented [MP12]: LIT 3-29a A little more could be made of
the research here- particularly given that the surgeon supports the
writer’s view.
Commented [MP13]: LIT 322-a The topic sentence includes
linkage, carried the argument forward and signals clearly the focus
of the paragraph
Commented [MP14]: ENG 3-27a Effective use of language to
persuade
Commented [MP15]: LIT 3-26-a Research is relevant, detailed
and integrated well.
Commented [MP16]: LIT 322-a Punctuation/parenthesis could
be used to make this ambitious sentence more manageable
this money wasting scheme and take action before we watch more money being taken away monthly, never to be
seen again.
Bibliography
http://www.nhsconfed.org/priorities/political-engagement/Pages/NHS-statistics.aspx
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4090840
http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-the-government-provide-free-health-care
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3064167.stm
http://erj.ersjournals.com/content/35/6/1411.full
Commented [MP17]: LIT 3-29a
The line of argument is sustained throughout and rounds off in
emphatic fashion
Commented [MP18]: LIT 3-25-a The sources are referenced
accurately
Commented [MP19]: LIT 3-26-a
The essay is characterised by a good level of research and the
sources consulted are varied and challenging
Discursive/Persuasive Writing
Pupil Name: Chip Rodgers
Third Level
Date: 20/05/2014
Learning Intention or Task: Write a well-researched and detailed persuasive essay on a topic or
issue of your choice. Ensure you use persuasive language, maintain a clear line of argument and
reference your sources in the appropriate manner.
Outcome Statement
Teacher Comment & Next Steps
I can use notes and other types of writing to generate and develop
ideas, retain and recall information, explore problems, make
decisions, generate and develop ideas or create original text.
I recognise when it is appropriate to quote from sources and when I You have referenced your sources well within your
writing and in the bibliography at the end
should put points into my own words. I can acknowledge my
sources appropriately. LIT 3-25-a
By considering the type of text I am creating, I can:
-independently select ideas and relevant information for different
purposes
The essay includes a good level of research and you
have done an excellent job of integrating your
findings into your paragraphs
-organise essential information or ideas and any supporting detail in
a logical order
The essay is well structured on the whole. Consider
-use suitable vocabulary to communicate effectively with my
audience. LIT 3-26-a
combining the opening two paragraphs into one as
you appear to have two introductions. Remember to
get going with the topic!
I can engage and/or influence readers through my use of language, You use word choice and rhetorical questions to help
style and tone as appropriate to genre. ENG 3-27a
carry your argument in an emphatic and stylish way.
Your language skills are developing really well.
I can persuade, argue, evaluate, explore issues or express an
opinion using a clear line of thought, relevant supporting detail
and/or evidence. LIT 3-29a
Your line of argument is consistent, sustained and
supported with evidence throughout.
Don’t miss good opportunities to make more of the
sources/findings when commenting on them (e.g. the
surgeon’s comments)
Technical Aspects
As appropriate to my purpose and type of text, I can punctuate and
structure different types of sentences with sufficient accuracy, and
arrange these to make meaning clear, showing straightforward
relationships between paragraphs. LIT 322-a
I can use a range of strategies and resources and spell most of the
words I need to use, including specialist vocabulary, and ensure that
my spelling is accurate. LIT 321-a
Throughout the writing process, I can review and edit my writing to
ensure that it meets its purpose and communicates meaning at
first reading. LIT 3-23a
Sentence construction is mostly accurate and your
topic sentences link to your argument well.
I could punctuate or divide up longer sentences so that
they are clearer and easier to read.
Pupil Evaluation:
In which skills did I do best and why?
●
I sourced good information and statistics to back up my point of view
•
I used language well such as rhetorical questions and word choice
Which area/s could I improve?
•
I could structure my paragraphs better at the start and make sure my sentences aren’t too
long without punctuation
How can I improve this area?
• Checking my work carefully and asking others to read it too
Explain when you might use the skills associated with persuasive writing in another subject?
•
I use research skills all the time in other subjects and my language skills and essay skills are
important in subjects like Mods, History and Art.
•
We also debate issues in RE and my language skills, research skills and being clear about
my views help me to do well.
Third Level Exemplification: Talk (Persuasive)
Es and Os
Having explored and analysed the features of spoken language, I can use these, adopting an appropriate register to suit my purpose and audience. ENG 3-03a
To help me develop an informed view, I am learning about the techniques used to influence opinion and how to assess the value of my sources, and I can
recognise persuasion. LIT 3-08a
When listening and talking with others for different purposes, I can:
-communicate information, ideas or opinions
-explain processes, concepts or ideas
-identify issues raised, summarise findings or draw conclusions. LIT 3-09a
Significant aspect of learning – writing
Create texts of increasing complexity using more sophisticated
language
Overarching Learning Intentions
- Choosing topic independently.
- Developing tone to communicate ideas and opinions
effectively.
-Using research to support ideas and opinions.
-Deploying persuasive language to engage audience.
Progression framework statements
Asks and answers with evidence, a range of questions to inform a critical understanding of texts.
Utilises a variety of punctuation and sentence structures to clearly convey meaning and enhance
writing.
Uses a range of spelling strategies to ensure technical accuracy.
Reviews and edits work throughout the writing process to ensure meaning and purpose.
Success Criteria
-I can develop one side of the debate topic with my own ideas.
-I can research topic in detail to help me to gain more knowledge for my argument.
-I can organise my notes and resources effectively.
-I can use language and tone which are effective for persuasion.
Pupil Task
Choose one side of the debate topic ‘Showers are better than baths’ OR ‘Baths are better than showers’. Through research and opinion as well as rhetorical techniques,
convince the audience that your opinion is the right one.
Context
Understanding – Pupils were taught standard debate approaches and exemplification of rhetorical techniques were given.
Analysing- Pupils were shown examples of debating http://www.bbc.co.uk/learningzone/clips/uniform-vs-non-uniform/6874.html they were asked to analyse the value of
arguments and how the characters persuaded the audience. http://www.bbc.co.uk/learningzone/clips/debate-about-the-merits-of-heat-magazine/10694.html was used as a
more sophisticated example.
Evaluating- as a group, the pupils evaluated the exemplar material with a view to producing a list of criteria that they felt made for an effective talk.
Discussion with pupils around the exemplar material fed into the generation of the success criteria.
Debate Script
Welcome, Mister Chairman, ladies and gentlemen. I am here today to argue against the topic, baths
are better than showers.
I am strongly against this topic and there are lots of reasons why, the first of which being that it’s a
lot cleaner to shower and you’ll always feel refreshed after showering , no matter if it’s a quick
shower or a long shower. Unlike taking a bath which does the complete opposite by making you
sleepy, even though I have no idea on what planet lying in your own dirt could be called relaxing! It’s
also greener to shower because you don’t have to wait for the water to heat up or for the bath to
run, which takes up your valuable time and adds more money onto your heating bills.
Another reason against baths is that they can cause flooding. Imagine this –you’ve just got in from a
hard day at work and you just want to relax, so you turn on the taps and go downstairs to the sofa
until your bath is full. But you’re so tired from that long day at work that you fall asleep on the sofa
and leave your bath running. By the time you wake up over an hour has passed and you feel water
dripping from the ceiling onto your forehead. You’re confused at first but then you remember you
were running a bath for yourself! You run as fast as you can upstairs and into your bathroom to find
it completely flooded. That’s a lot of money wasted that you could have spent on something nice for
yourself but instead you have to pay for all the damage caused by your bath overflowing. Now that
wouldn’t have happened if you’d been taking a shower instead of a bath, now would it?
The next point is that baths can be very dangerous for the elderly. Now would you want your granny
or granddad to slip and fall while getting into or out of the bath? I didn’t think so. They could break a
bone easily and it would take a lot longer to heal than if you broke a bone in your body because their
bones are weakened with age. And when it’s something that could be prevented very easily by
spending a little bit of money on a shower chair for them that would last for ages and protect them
from common injuries that could easily occur in bathtubs.
Some people like to have water at a specific temperature and you can’t do that in your bath without
wasting the earth’s precious resources and your precious money. Whereas you can easily adjust
your shower temperature within seconds. So a shower’s an excellent eco-friendly, money saving
option.
Lying in a warm bubble bath seems relaxing doesn’t it? Well I don’t think you’ll still think that once I
have told you what it can cause. It causes wrinkles! Now everyone ends up with wrinkles eventually
but if you take a hot bath every day then you’ll be more wrinkled than your granny by the time you
turn twenty. And none of you want that do you?
Taking a special shower can be just as relaxing as spending a long day at a posh spa. This treatment is
actually used in some spas and it’s always with fabulous results. The treatment is really easy to do at
home too because all you need to do is take a warm shower followed by quick bursts of cold water
at the end of your shower which makes your hair look healthier and shinier than ever.
Commented [M1]: Fulfils the task good introduction to debate
topic. Appropriate register and tone to suit audience
ENG 3-03a
Commented [M2]: Communicate opinion
LIT 3-09a
Commented [M3]: Communicate information LIT 3-09a
Commented [MP4]: Learner Voice
I included good ideas and examples to support my argument
Commented [M5]: Explain concepts and ideas LIT 3-09a
Commented [M6]: Evidence of techniques used to influence
opinion – rhetorical questions. LIT 3-08a
Commented [M7]: Evidence of techniques used to influence
opinion – rhetorical questions. LIT 3-08a
Commented [M8]: Draw conclusion from an idea. LIT 3-09a
Commented [MP9]: Learner Voice
I used language well at times to persuade my audience
Commented [M10]: Identify issues raised LIT 3-09a
Commented [MP11]: Learner Voice My ideas are good but
could be made more convincing with a more formal tone or if I
brought in some scientific style evidence
Commented [MP12]: Learner Voice I used techniques such as
rhetorical questions to try and persuade my audience
Commented [M13]: Explain processes LIT 3-09a
Finally on to my last argument, even though it’s a slightly childish one. Basically having a shower is a
whole lot of fun! I mean who here has never sung in the shower? Nobody because it’s a really fun
thing to do. You can sing in lots of silly voices and still sound like a popstar. And studies even show
that singing in the shower is fabulous for your health. It gives your brain a jolt that can calm your
nerves and gives you oodles of energy and puts you in an amazing mood for the rest of the day!
To conclude, showers are way better than baths. They’re cleaner, greener, cheaper, safer money
saving and they don’t cause premature wrinkles. So join me in believing that baths are definitely
NOT better than showers.
Commented [M14]: Appropriate register to suit audience ENG
3-03a
Commented [M15]: Communicate opinion 3-09a
Commented [M16]: Draw conclusion from an idea. LIT 3-09a
Talking & Listening
Third Level
Outcome Statement
Teacher Comment & Next Steps
When I engage with others, I can make a relevant contribution,
encourage others to contribute and acknowledge that they have the
right to hold a different opinion.
I can respond in ways appropriate to my role and use contributions
to reflect on, clarify or adapt thinking. LIT 3-02a
Having explored and analysed the features of spoken language, I
can use these, adopting an appropriate register to suit my purpose
and audience. ENG 3-03a
Clear that the ideas shown in the exemplification
material was taken into account and elements were
used in the debate speech.
Register was good appropriate use of both informal
and formal tone. There could be more use of formal
tone.
I can independently select ideas and relevant information for
different purposes, organise essential information or ideas and any
supporting detail in a logical order, and use suitable vocabulary to
communicate effectively with my audience. LIT 3-06a / LIT 4-06a
I can show my understanding of what I listen to or watch by
commenting, with evidence, on the content and form of short and
extended texts. LIT 3-07a
PUPILS QUESTIONS – REFERRING TO A PART OF TALK
To help me develop an informed view, I am learning about the
Persuasive language used, rhetorical questions
techniques used to influence opinion and how to assess the value of used as well as anecdotal evidence.
my sources, and I can recognise persuasion. LIT 3-08a
Appeal to audience is good.
When listening and talking with others for different purposes, I can:
Communication of ideas, information and opinion is
clearly demonstrated.
-communicate information, ideas or opinions
-explain processes, concepts or ideas
-identify issues raised, summarise findings or draw conclusions.
LIT 3-09a
I am developing confidence when engaging with others within and
beyond my place of learning. I can communicate in a clear,
expressive way and I am learning to select and organise resources
independently. LIT 2-10a / LIT 3-10a
Processes are explained through the spa shower.
Conclusions link to the opinion of the speaker and
raises issues surrounding eco-friendly cleaning.
Pupil Evaluation:
In which skills did I do best and why?
● I analysed the ex am ples that w e w ere show n and used this to help m e to think about m y
language w hen w riting the debate. I think I did this quite w ell and tried to use rhetorical
questions to help to persuade the audience.
I developed m any ideas to support m y argum ent.
What area could I improve?
•
I could have used m ore form al language throughout to m ak e m y points in a m ore serious
tone.
How can I improve this area?
•
I could read som e w ritten speeches and look at m ore form al use of language. I could also try
re-w riting m y debate in a m ore serious tone.
Third Level Exemplification: Creative Writing
Es and Os
I can engage and/or influence readers through my use of language, style and tone as appropriate to genre.
ENG 3-27a
Having explored the elements which writers use, I can create texts in different genres by:
• integrating the conventions of my chosen genre successfully and/or using convincing and appropriate
structures
•
creating interesting and convincing characters
•
building convincing settings which come to life. ENG 3-31a
I can use a range of strategies & resources and spell most of the words I need to use, including specialist
vocabulary and ensure that my spelling is accurate. LIT 321-a
As appropriate to my purpose and type of text, I can punctuate and structure different types of sentences with
sufficient accuracy, and arrange these to make meaning clear, showing straightforward relationships between
paragraphs. LIT 322-a
Throughout the writing process, I can review and edit my writing to ensure that it meets its purpose and
communicates meaning at first reading LIT 3-23a
Significant aspect of learning – writing
Progression framework statements
Create texts of increasing complexity using more Writes independently in a variety of forms, taking
account of purpose and audience.
sophisticated language.
Demonstrates a clear understanding of genre
conventions by confidently creating a variety of texts
to address purpose and engage the audience.
Overarching Learning Intentions
Success Criteria
-Understanding of the horror genre and writing -I can use examples of horror genre to help my
understanding of techniques used.
techniques to develop tension.
-I can plan and structure a story which uses horror
-Developing descriptive language.
conventions.
-Creating convincing characters and settings.
-I can develop plot, character and setting which are
believable.
Pupil Task
Write a short story in a horror genre which centres on the experiences of one character in one setting. In your
story you should aim to develop plot, setting and character which support the horror genre.
Context
Understanding –
Working in small groups, the pupils read, annotated and discussed horror stories. They were asked to
consider:
How does the setting help us to understand the horror genre?
How does the main character make us feel?
What other characters support the genre?
AnalysingPupils worked in groups to find specific examples of language and techniques used by authors.
They were then asked to explain why these examples were effective for the horror genre.
They also examined films such as The Woman In Black and were asked to analyse certain scenes and
identify which elements worked to create horror in terms of setting and character.
EvaluatingPupils discussed how well each of the examples conveyed the horror genre.
They were asked which worked better, and why.
Discussion with pupils around the exemplar material fed into the generation of the success criteria.
Trapped
Cassie Baker sat in the backseat of the taxi by herself. The driver of the taxi had tried to
speak to her at first, but she didn’t feel like talking so he soon gave up. She looked out of the
window. There only seemed to be mud, trees and rain out here. She wished she was back in
the city with her parents in their nice big house but her parents were gone, she reminded
herself, and all that was left of their house was ashes. She let a tear roll her face. Maybe if
she slept she would feel better, told herself wrapping her warm pink coat around her more.
Cassie was rudely woken by the taxi driver when they arrived at her uncle’s house. He
handed her the small case containing the few belongings she had left and then, as soon as
she got out of the taxi, he drove away. She looked up at the house. It was big, bigger than
her house at home but it wasn’t welcoming. She trudged slowly through the mud and up the
front steps. There was no doorbell like at home. She lifted her small fist and knocked on the
door twice then she waited. She’d never met her mother’s family before and she felt slightly
nervous about it. What if they didn’t like her?
“Hello?” A man with a strong accent asked as he opened the door.
Commented [M1]: Setting is well described and sets an effective
tone.
ENG 3-31a
Commented [M2]: Character tone is set in simple description.
ENG 3-31a
Commented [MP3]: Learner Voice
I described my main character in a way that helped the reader to
feel afraid.
“I’m Cassie. I’m looking for Mr and Mrs Pavlov” she said softly.
“ I am Eric Pavlov” the man replied. There was something that seemed odd, but she couldn’t
place what it was. “You may enter” he told her. The inside of the house was no nicer than
the outside. It was dark and damp and there was dust and cobwebs everywhere. Cassie took
off her shoes and left them by the door like she did at home.
Commented [M4]: Setting is sustained in appropriate tone for
horror genre.
ENG 3-31a
“ Your room is that way. Dinner will be at six. Do not be late” he told her harshly.
This house was like a maze, Cassie thought as she eventually reached her room. She laid her
case at the bottom of the bed. There was no clock in her room to indicate the time so she
had to wait until she heard the large one downstairs chime at the beginning of every hour.
At six, she walked back through the corridors until she reached the front door. Then she
followed the noise through to the kitchen. Her uncle Erik, another woman who she
presumed to be her aunt and a teenage girl sat in the kitchen.
“You are late” her aunt hissed at her. The, she briefly made eye contact with the older girl.
At once, the older girl stood up walked over to Cassie and slapped her hard in the face, then
she calmly went and sat back down again.
“ Good job Carla” Cassie heard her uncle Erik say. Cassie could feel the tears in her eyes.
Commented [MP5]: Learner Voice
I managed to create a scary setting that added to the tension and
tried to remember what I’d learned about horror stories.
Commented [M6]: Characterisation continues to support horror
genre.
Language, style and tone is appropriate for genre. ENG3-31a/3-27a
“ Do not cry. Tears are weak” her aunt said taking a swig of wine from her glass.
“ And since you are late, you do not get dinner. Go back to bed” her uncle commanded.
Cassie didn’t protest. She obeyed them for fear of what they would do if she didn’t.
Cassie couldn’t sleep. Her stomach rumbled and she could hear shrieks from downstairs.
What was happening down there? She picked up the candle on her bedside table and
walked over to the door. She picked up the candle on her bedside table and walked over to
the door. She began following the noise down the corridor.
“ Going somewhere? “ her uncle asked.
“ I could hear noises. I just wanted to know what was going on.” Cassie protested weakly.
Commented [M7]: Tension and fear created through the events.
Impact on audience is considered.
ENG3-27a
“ Go back to bed, Cassie. This doesn’t concern you “ her uncle told her shoving her back into
the room. She heard the lock click from the outside. This was useless, she thought as she
climbed back into bed.
The second day Cassie was on time for everything and was rewarded with a big dinner.
Nothing was mentioned from the night before. Well, that was until she left for bed that
night.
“Cassie, we are having guests over for a party tonight. We do not want you disturbing them.
So stay in your room like a good girl” her aunt had told her sharply. She went to bed and
planned to stay there that night , but then she heard a loud scream. One a young girl like her
would make coming from downstairs. The screams continued and Cassie’s curiosity grew.
She checked her door and it wasn’t locked. She walked downstairs and the screams grew
louder. She walked the opposite way from the kitchen and came to a set of stairs going
down. She walked down them carefully not wanting to slip . She was in a long winding
corridor. All the doors where shut…except one. And in that one, she could see people. She
walked slowly forward to the door not wanting to be caught. She watched. Her new family
where weirder than she thought. There were people in there with them, but they weren’t
having a party with the guests. They were feeding on them. Cassie gasped with the
realisation that maybe that was what she was here for too.
“What was that noise?” she heard her uncle ask.
“I’ll check” Carla replied coming out into the hall. Cassie fearfully tried to run back upstairs,
but tripped on the hem of her nightdress and fell.
“I’ve caught her.Snooping” Carla said as she dragged Cassie back through to the room.
“ Well we only have one punishment here for people who snoop. They are for our meal” her
aunt said evilly.
“ Get in that cage” Carla said kicking Cassie as if she was an animal. Cassie groaned in pain.
“ Good, she will fight no more” her uncle said, then they all left the room. Cassie tried to
fight against the darkness, but it wasn’t working so eventually she lay on the floor,
unconscious, an easy prey for the vampires.
When Cassie woke up her whole body hurt. She couldn’t remember anything until it all hit
her. She tried to get out of the cage but it was no use, it was locked and she was trapped.
At around six that night Carla came back downstairs again.
“Please don’t hurt me.” Cassie begged her.
“I’m not here to hurt you. I am sick of this too. I want to get out and so do you. Let’s help
each other” she offered.
“ Why are you helping me? You don’t like me.” Cassie stated.
“ you are family” she said as she unlocked the cage.
“ How do we escape?” Cassie asked.
Commented [M8]: Sentence structure has occasional lapses in
accuracy.
LIT 3-22a
Commented [M9]: Paragraphing could be more accurate in
places though are used sufficiently well. LIT 3-22a
Commented [M10]: Spelling is, on the whole, accurate.
Occasional errors require attention. LIT 3-21a
Commented [M11]: Spelling is, on the whole, accurate.
Occasional errors require attention. LIT 3-21a
“ You are too weak to walk. But don’t worry I am strong and I have a plan.” Carla said as she
threw Cassie up onto her shoulders.
Commented [M12]: Punctuation of direct speech is strong and
shows good understanding of punctuation structures. LIT 3-31a
Cassie decided she liked Carla. She had helped her escape after all, and she could fly which
was pretty cool.
“ How are you like this?” Cassie asked as they flew away from the house.
“ My father is a vampire. He changed me and my mother. “ She said quietly.
“Where are we going?” Cassie asked.
“Somewhere we can have a new start. Where I won’t need to kill. Where you will have a
future.” Carla told her gently.
Word Count: 1225
Commented [M13]: Ending could be more effective for the
genre. Weak ending in terms of horror ENG3-31a
Commented [MP14]: Learner Voice
The ending could have been a bit more dramatic and linked to
previous events a bit more
Creative Writing
Outcome Statement
Third Level
Teacher Comment & Next Steps
I can consider the impact that layout and presentation will have
on my reader, selecting and using a variety of features
appropriate to purpose and audience.
LIT 3-24a
I can engage and/or influence readers through my use of
language, style and tone as appropriate to genre.
ENG 3-27a
Having explored the elements which writers use, I can create
texts in different genres by:
•
•
•
integrating the conventions of my chosen genre successfully
and/or using convincing and appropriate structures
creating interesting and convincing characters
Language and tone is clearly linked to the
horror genre. Some good use of tension
and considered impact on the reader.
Descriptive language is effective.
Genre is created well and considers the
impact on the audience and the
conventions of the genre.
Characters are created well and develop
the genre further. Language is used
effectively to create the characters.
Settings are consistent throughout and
contribute to the tone of the piece.
building convincing settings which come to life.
ENG 3-31a
Ending required some attention, not
dramatic enough for horror genre.
Spelling is, generally, accurate and
consistent. Occasional lapses in regular
I can use a range of strategies & resources and spell most of the
words such as ‘were’ and ‘where’ require a
words I need to use, including specialist vocabulary and ensure
little attention.
that my spelling is accurate. LIT 321-a
Technical Aspects
As appropriate to my purpose and type of text, I can punctuate
and structure different types of sentences with sufficient
accuracy, and arrange these to make meaning clear, showing
straightforward relationships between paragraphs. LIT 322-a
Throughout the writing process, I can review and edit my
writing to ensure that it meets its purpose and
communicates meaning at first reading. LIT 3-23a
Punctuation is used well and more
difficult punctuation structures are
handled well.
Writing has been edited well and
meaning is clear.
In which skills did I do best and why?
● I developed the characters well and I tried to think carefully about the stories that we had
read and how to make the reader feel scared.
•
When writing settings, I think I made the descriptions reflect the tone of a horror film or
story and this helped the reader to feel tension.
What area could I improve?
• I could improve my ending. It might have been better to think about an ending which had
more of a horror element to it.
How can I improve this area?
• I could read more horror stories and novels and watch more scary films to help me to
understand how they end.