Routes to Mediat
ion
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE,
BY YOUNG PEOPLE
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1
What is mediation?
2 What
do you get
out of it?
3 Ground
4 Key
rules
skills
5 Asking
the right questions
6 Planning
your mediation
7-8Inside
the mediation session
9 What
happens next?
10 Evaluation
11 When
mediation
goes wrong
12 On-the-spot
mediation
13 FAQs
PeerLink
Leap Confronting Conflict
Unit 7 Wells House
5-7 Wells Terrace
Finsbury Park
London, N4 3JU
020 7561 3700
peerlink@leapconfronting
conflict.org.uk
www.peerlink.org.uk
1072376 Registered Company
Number: 3628271
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Registered Charity Number:
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conflict happens all the time.
PEOPLE FALL OUT. FIGHTS BREAK OUT.
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This is called being impartial
or neutral. Mediation takes
patience and understanding of yourself and the people
involved. Mediators often
work in pairs. It helps to
MEDIATION IN
Usually mediation is between
two people, but it can be
between two groups. The
people or groups in conflict
are known as ‘parties’.
Peer mediation is young
people mediating between
other young people. Who
needs an adult when you can
squash it yourselves?
The role of the
mediator is to
• Be fair
• Act as a bridge between
the two parties
• Help the two parties talk
to each other
What not to do
• Judge or say who is right
and wrong
• Blame
• Take sides
• Give advice or tell people
what to do
• Conflicts get resolved
• Conflicts are kept between
the people involved
• Conflicts are resolved
in a safe, neutral place
• Conflicts are resolved
in a positive atmosphere
• Friendships are saved
• Everyone knows where
they stand
• Conflicts don’t get out
of hand
• Gain communication skills
• Boost your confidence
• Make a difference
• Help others
• Learn how to sort out your
own problems between friends and family
• Experience different situations
• Work with other mediators
• Gain knowledge around conflict
• Make an impact on others’ lives
• Help yourself
• Gain self-control
• Feel secure
• Deal with situations before MEDIATORS DO NOT TAKE SIDES
support each other, and helps
the people involved to know
it’s fair. Two mediators are
called co-mediators.
What do I get from being
a mediator?
When you learn how to be
a mediator, you benefit in
lots of ways:
Everyone has conflict at some
point in their lives. Mediation
is a way of helping people
resolve conflict for themselves.
Two people meet voluntarily
with the mediator to talk
through their conflict and
find their own solutions.
What do others get from
being mediated?
When you learn how to be a
mediator, others benefit too:
02.
they get out of control
• Be a role model
• Feel more positive about certain issues
01.
Situation Taneshia was talking to her friend
Lisa. Their friend Dee wanted to talk to Lisa too,
but Taneshia told her to go away. Dee got angry,
swore at Taneshia and they started fighting.
Action Taneshia called her mates to back her up
but before things got out of hand, Lisa suggested
that Dee and Taneshia go to mediation.
Result Through the mediation session, Dee
understood that Taneshia and Lisa were having a
private conversation and Taneshia understood why
Dee was angry about her reaction. They agreed not
to involve anyone else and to stay away from each
other for a while. Conflict squashed.
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There are some really simple key skills you
need to learn to become a good mediator
SUMMARISING
Summarising means to feed back what you’ve heard. It is a key
skill needed in the process of mediation. It is important to
summarise, because the only way we can be sure that we have
correctly heard what someone is saying is by summarising
back to them what they have said.
GROUND RULES
EMPATHY NOT SYMPATHY
Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s feelings as
if they were your own! The main difference between empathy
and sympathy is:
In mediation we have a set of ground rules that
we like to follow. The rules might seem harsh
at first but they make mediation safe for people
involved. The rules are simple, just take a look!
Only one person
should speak at
a time
When one person is
speaking it is always
polite to listen and
wait until they’ve
finished, and then
have your say at the
end if you want to.
Stay seated during
the session
During the mediation
session please stay
seated. It may seem
rude if you’re
wandering around the
room while someone
else is talking.
Language
Try not to use
disrespectful
language, such as
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swearing. It’s rude
to other people,
and may hurt
their feelings.
Listen to each other
and be open to what
each other has to say
When someone is
speaking it is
respectful to listen
to what they have
to say, even if you
don’t like what
is being said.
Respect
Treat others how you
wish to be treated.
You need to earn the
respect you want.
Confidentiality
It’s really important
that people feel they
• Empathy “It sounds to me like you’re very upset. Is that right?”
• Sympathy “Poor you, what a terrible thing to happen!” “There, there.”
can say anything they
want to. That means
everyone has to agree
not to go away and
talk about it
afterwards, or tell
other people things
that have been said.
Confidentiality means
anything that’s said
in the room stays in
the room. You don’t
like people talking
about you, do you? So
don’t go away and
talk about them!
However, if someone
says something in the
session which makes
you think they might
be in danger or at
risk, then it’s
important that you
tell a teacher or
your supervisor.
Empathy is good during mediation because it shows you are
listening to someone’s feelings and hearing them out.
Sympathy is not so good because it can seem biased, and as if you are relating the issues to yourself.
NOT TAKING SIDES OR JUDGING
Mediators do not take sides – this is called being impartial or
neutral. Mediators do not judge or blame. Sometimes this isn’t
very easy!
• Taking sides “Party A, I think you’re wrong and Party B has a point. They make more sense than you.”
• Judging “You shouldn’t do this because it makes you look like a selfish person.”
• Blaming “Why did you do that?” “It was clearly your fault.”
LETTING THEM WORK IT OUT FOR THEMSELVES
For mediation to work, it’s really important that you don’t give
advice or tell people what to do. Your job is to help people work
it out themselves.
• Giving advice “I think you and your friend should go and talk.”
• Telling people what to do “Go away and talk to someone then
come back and see me.”
Sometimes it might seem to you like the answer’s really
obvious. But it’s much more likely to work if you let them
work it out for themselves.
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Now you’ve read the skills a
mediator needs, and looked at the
correct questions that need to be
asked, you’re ready to start
planning your mediation session.
Have you filled out the
necessary forms, if any?
•Some schools or youth clubs have
procedures you must follow. Ensure
you fill out any forms you need to.
It is important to be as prepared
and focused as possible for a
mediation meeting. Think about
these questions:
Have you found a neutral place
to mediate?
•Find a room that feels safe to
everyone – no-one should feel like
they’re on someone else’s turf.
•Are you sure that you’re not going
to be interrupted?
Are you feeling OK
to mediate?
•You’re going to need to focus, and
listen. You’re going to need energy.
Your own head needs to be in a good
space. Are you up to it?
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mAGic quesTiOn
if you had a magic wand, what
would you do to resolve this?
WHY dO We use clOsed quesTiOns?
We use closed questions to confirm that
we have heard the information correctly.
example: “It sounds to me like you’re
upset – is this correct?”
WHAT is A clOsed quesTiOn?
A closed question requires a one word
answer, for example yes or no.
WHY dO We use OPen quesTiOns?
We use open questions to encourage the
speaker to open up and talk more about
what happened in their own words.
example: “How do you feel?”
WHAT is An OPen quesTiOn?
An open question cannot be answered by
yes or no, or one word. It allows the
person to talk more, which helps the
mediator gather more information.
One of the best things you can do is
learn to ask the right questions at
the right time.
useful quesTiOns
• What happened?
• How did this start?
• What made you come
to mediation?
• Have you any ideas about
why this happened?
• How do you feel?
• How do you think he/she
feels?
• How do you think you can
overcome this problem?
• What things have you
done to help already?
• What would you like
to happen?
• Do you feel this will help
the problem?
• Have you anything to add?
• Would you be willing to…?
PLaNNiNG YOUR mEDiatiON
Have you spoken to your
co-mediator about the mediation?
•Try to divide the work as mediators.
•Who is doing what?
•Who’s going to explain what bit?
•Who’s going to listen first, who’s
going to take notes?
•Do either of you know either of the
parties? Are you sure that you won’t
take sides?
Have you thought about
the debrief?
•Always plan a debrief with comediators before the session. This
is your chance to talk with your comediator about how the session went.
•Are you going to do it in the same
space, or find somewhere different?
•Do you like to have set questions,
or just have space to talk?
If you’ve answered yes to all five
questions, turn the page – you’re
ready to start your mediation!
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INTRODUCTION
• Welcome both people. Thank them for coming.
• Explain that the intention is to resolve their problems.
• Explain the process.
• Explain the role of the mediator.
• Explain the ground rules and get agreement to them.
FACTS
For mediation to work, you need to be as
clear as possible about what has actually
happened. Remember, there will be more
than one version.
• Ask Party A for their version of events.
• One mediator listens, one takes notes.
• The note-taker summarises and repeats the key points back.
• Ask Party B for their version.
• Mediators swap roles: this time,the other mediator listens, and the first takes notes.
• The note-taker summarises and repeats the key points back.
• Remember to ask open questions and try not to answer questions for people.
FEELINGS
When in the mediation
session, always stay
non-judgemental.
Remember your role:
• Be fair.
• Act as a bridge between
the two parties.
• Help the two parties talk
to each other.
If on the day you are still not
sure about the mediation,
talk to your co-mediator.
Once you feel ready – let the
mediation begin!
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For mediation to really work, it’s important
that each party talks about how they feel, not
just about the facts of what happened.
• Ask Party A to share how they have been affected by the situation. How did it make them feel at the time? How do they feel now?
• One mediator listens, one takes notes.
• The note-taker summarises and repeats the key points back.
• Ask Party B to share how they have been affected by the situation. How did it make them feel at the time? How do they feel now?
• Mediators swap roles: this time, the other mediator listens, and the first takes notes.
• The note-taker summarises and repeats the key points back.
IDENTIFY ISSUES
Based on what they have heard, the
mediators now identify what needs to
be resolved.
• What do you think are the real issues going on here? What’s behind the conflict?
• What are the needs of the two parties? They might not be the same.
• Now check it out with them. Do the parties agree that you’ve got the issues right?
FANTASIES
Now you know what happened, how people
feel and what issues are involved, it’s time to
start looking at solutions.
• Remember, it’s not about you giving solutions – it’s about them working it out themselves.
• Explore with each of the parties some of the possible options for sorting things out.
• What would they like to happen?
• What ideas have people got to make it better?
• If you had a magic wand, what would you do to resolve this?
FUTURE
You’ve got the options – now it’s time for the
parties to decide what they’re going to do.
• What decisions will people make?
• Try and get each party to talk about what they will do, instead of what they think the other person has to do. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.
• Write up an agreement if necessary. Sometimes this helps everyone to be clear about what has been decided and stick to it.
• Ask both parties to shake hands!
EVALUATION
• Thank them for coming.
• Ask them how they’ve found the session, and if they’d come to mediation again.
Well done! You’ve finished mediating.
Now you’re ready to debrief…
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Don’t forget to give yourselves praise.
• You’ve just helped two people sort out
their conflict.
• Without you, they might have ended
a friendship.
• They might have turned into a bully.
• They might have started a fight.
• You’ve just helped to squash it!
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PHOTOGRAPHY IsTOcKPhOTO.cOM
iT’s imPORTAnT TO TAlk AbOuT eAcH sessiOn
AfTeRWARds WiTH YOuR cO-mediATOR. THis is
cAlled debRiefinG.
Things to think about for the debrief
• How am I feeling now?
• One thing my co-mediator did well.
• One thing my co-mediator could do to improve!
• Is there anything that you did well?
• Is there anything you think you could improve on
for the next time you do a debrief session?
HOW YOu HelPed
Once the information is
returned, we will produce a
detailed report showing how
effective your service has been
in solving disputes in your
school or organisation. This
helps you as a mediator to see
what is working and what’s not,
and can prove to your teachers
how effective mediation can be.
PeerLink have set up a simple
system for collecting this
information. You can sign up
to our free evaluation service
here: www.peerlink.org.uk or
call us on 020 7561 3700 to
receive all the materials. The
service involves completing a
monitoring form and a follow-up
interview for each session then
returning the forms to us.
iT is AlsO ReAllY imPORTAnT
TO RecORd WHO is usinG YOuR
seRvice, HOW successful eAcH
mediATiOn sessiOn is And WHAT
eAcH PARTY THOuGHT AbOuT
THe mediATiOn PROcess. THis is
cAlled evAluATiOn.
EVaLUatiON
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10.
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WHen sOmeOne cHOOses
nOT TO / cAnnOT ATTend
•You might choose to end the mediation.
• Try to find out where they are. If you find them, discuss
why they don’t want to come
and how else they could resolve their problem if
not through mediation.
• Make sure they know about
Here are three possible
situations you might find
yourself in – and a few ideas of
what you should do:
Mediation is voluntary and not
all people can resolve their
disputes this way. Sometimes
a mediation session doesn’t
work out how you expect, but
that doesn’t mean you have
failed as a mediator. Don’t
give yourself a hard time, but
look at what you can learn.
WHen THe PARTies cAll
fOR ‘bAck uP’ TO
ResOlve THe cOnflicT
WiTH viOlence
• Explore what the consequences for everyone
might be if that happened.
• Explore other ways
to resolve the conflict
that might have
better consequences.
• Make sure they know about
confidentiality, and that you
confidentiality – anything they say won’t go outside of
the mediation session.
• Reschedule the mediation and tell both parties.
• If one of the two really doesn’t want to attend, you
could look at using your skills to talk with and listen
to just the other party. That
might help them find their own solution.
WHen A PARTY beHAves
HA
AGGRessivelY
essivel
essivelY
• If someone’s behaviour seems threatening and you
feel you cannot control the mediation because there’s
a danger to your own or anyone else’s safety, stop the session.
• Reassure them. Suggest a time-out session.
• Do individual mediation with
the parties separately.
• Tell a member of staff there
is a risk of danger in the situation. This is when it is OK to break confidentiality and speak outside of the session about what has been happening there.
may have to break it if they
have threatened someone.
• If it is a really serious threat,
speak to your teacher or supervisor immediately.
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12.
ON-thE-sPOt mEDiatiON
Mediation is a way of
helping people resolve
their own conflict.
Sometimesyoumightwant
touseyourmediationskills
outsideoftheschemeinyour
schooloryouthclubtohelp
yourfriendsandfamilyresolve
theirconflicts.Thisiscalled
on-the-spotmediationandcan
helpyousupportfriendsand
familysafely.Westrongly
recommendthatyouonlytry
on-the-spotmediationifyou
areatrainedpeermediator.
Beforeyougetinvolved,it’s
importanttothinkaboutwhat
thecostsandgainsmightbe.
TRY On-THe-sPOT
mediATiOn if:
• Youknowthepeopleinvolved
• Youknowthearea
• Youhavesupport
YOu WOuld sTeP AWAY if:
• Youdon’tknowthe
peopleinvolved
• Youthinktheconflictis violentorcouldgetviolent
• Alargegroupisinvolved
Ifyouareunsure,itisOKto
walkaway!
check out www.peerlink.org.
uk for our on-the-spot
mediation film and fact sheet
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THese ARe sOme Of THe quesTiOns We mOsT
fRequenTlY GeT Asked
DO i GEt PaiD iF i mEDiatE?
Peermediationisvoluntary
work,soyoudonotgetpaid
forit.However,thereare
careeropportunitiesin
mediationforthoseover
theageof18.Mediationis
alifeskill.
hOW WiLL mEDiatiON hELP mE?
Itmakesyouthinktwicewhen
dealingwithyourproblems.It
alsohelpstocontrolanger
andreducebullying.
it’s mEDiatiON
NOt mEDitatiON!
Alotofpeoplegetconfused.
Bothofthesearesimilarin
someways.They’reboth
aboutbecomingcalmand
sortingoutyouremotions.
Mediationisverbal
communicationbetweentwo
people–talkingaboutit,
sortingitout.Meditationis
morespiritual,onyourown–
thinkingaboutsomething
deeplytohelpyourelax.
hOW DO i GEt iNVOLVED?
Ifyourschooloryouthclub
hasapeermediationproject,
getinvolvedinthat.Ifit
doesn’t,whynotstartone?
ContactPeerLinktofindout
how.PeerLinkistheUK’sonly
nationalnetworkforyoung
MEDIATION_F.indd 18-19
peopleinvolvedinmediation
andconflictresolution.Itis
aLeapConfrontingConflict
project,runbyandforyoung
people.PeerLinkholds
events,awards,workshops
andtrainingforyoungpeople
acrosscountrytocome
togethertosupporteach
other,learnnewskillsand
shareexperiencesandideas.
Therearealsoopportunities
foryoungpeopletovolunteer
withPeerLinktosupportand
delivertheseevents.
PeerLinkholdsregionaland
nationalconferencesand
residentials,fullofworkshops
runbyotheryoungpeopleand
chancestomeetandshare
ideaswithnewmates.
PeerLinkhoststheannual
NationalPeerLinkAwards,
recognisingindividualsand
groupsdoingfantasticwork
inpeermediation,mentoring
andtraining.PeerLinkkeeps
membersupdatedthrough
aregularnewsletterand
website,designedwith
PeerLinkmembers.Ithas
competitions,quizzes,space
toshareyourideas,detailsof
eventsandmoreinformation
aboutthepeopleinvolved.
To read more, or find out how
you can join Peerlink, go to
www.peerlink.org.uk
What is LEaP
cONFRONtiNG cONFLict?
LeapConfrontingConflict
isoneoftheUK’sleading
expertsinyouthandconflict.
For21years,Leaphasrun
lively,engagingand
challenginggroupwork
programmesandtraining
foryoungpeopleandadults.
Leappublisheshigh-quality,
innovative,easy-to-use
manualsandresources.
Leapbelievesthatconflictis
inevitableinthelivesofyoung
people.Butitdoesn’thaveto
bedestructive.Itcanbethe
forcetocreatechange.
To find out more, go to www.
leapconfrontingconflict.org.
uk or call 020 7561 3700
Natasha, Sukhnit, Abdul,
Humaira and Sohail
are all 16. They’re from
east London, and are all
ex-students of Langdon
School. They’ve each been
involved in peer mediation
for five years. They’re
members of PeerLink’s
London Steering Group,
organising events,
workshops and training
for young mediators
across the London region.
Thanks to Vics, Helena,
Samson, Oli, Peta
and Pete
Published by August Media Limited www.augustmedia.com
020 7749 3300
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