theTrumpet.com, OK
07-18-07
Wives Dominate Marriages, Study Says
By Joel Hilliker
A study suggests that modern wives have greater decision-making power than
their husbands.
Feminists have long derided marriage as a paternalistic institution that oppresses
women. A recent study, however, suggests that the modern wife not only has
greater decision-making power than her mother and grandmother, but she has
more than her own husband.
A team of Iowa State University (isu) researchers led by David Vogel and
Megan Murphy studied 72 married couples. They asked each spouse to name a
relationship problem that required cooperation from the other to solve, and then
videotaped the two working to resolve the problem. Researchers carefully
evaluated the interchanges to determine who was making the most demands,
who was withdrawing or avoiding the issues, who was dominating and who was
giving in.
The women won.
Vogel explained, “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and
men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.”
The results may not surprise many people: They only confirm the marital
dynamic present in every sitcom on television. But they did somewhat surprise
the researchers, simply because they defied predictions that men had greater
power within marriage. The abstract of the study, which appeared in the April
2007 issue of the quarterly Journal of Counseling Psychology, reads,
Contrary to social structure predictions, results showed that wives did not
possess less decision-making ability or access to resources and appeared to
exhibit greater situational power (i.e., domineering and dominant behaviors) than
did their husbands during problem-solving discussions. Furthermore, the spouse
who exhibited the most demands [typically the wife] also exhibited the most
domineering and dominant behaviors, whereas the spouse who exhibited the
most withdrawal [typically the husband] exhibited the least domineering and
dominant behaviors during problem-solving discussions.
“The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert
some power,” said Vogel. It also at least suggests just how different typical
marital roles are today from what they have been in the past.
Underscoring this point, Murphy explained the study results this way: “Women
are responsible for overseeing the relationship—making sure the relationship
runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody’s happy. And so, maybe
some of that came out in our findings in terms of women domineering and
dominating—that they were taking more responsibility for the relationship,
regardless of whose topic was being discussed.”
This study provides a fascinating glimpse into the state of modern marriage. It is
worth measuring against the biblical model.
Ephesians 5:21 says husbands and wives should be “submitting yourselves one
to another in the fear of God.” This supports Murphy’s conclusion that one
marker of a healthy marriage is “that men accept influence from their wives.”
However, the remainder of the passage in Ephesians strongly emphasizes the
importance of husbands lovingly taking the lead within the marriage union, and
wives submitting to that leadership (verses 22-33). The man who allows his wife
to “[oversee] the relationship, making sure the relationship runs, that everything
gets done, and that everybody’s happy” relinquishes his God-given responsibility,
places undue burden on his wife’s shoulders and deprives her of the peace of
mind that comes from having a fully engaged spouse.
At the same time, wives who dominate their husbands violate the scriptural
formula for a successful marriage. Though doing so may provide a short-cut
solution to specific issues, it also breaks unalterable, God-ordained laws
governing human relationships and thus unwittingly introduces significant longterm problems and curses into family life.
Many couples aspire to attain the modern ideal: a “50-50 marriage.” The isu
study, however, shows how, within the reality of human relationships, one mate
tends to dominate. The Bible instructs that this should be the man, and supplies
specific, pointed instruction on how to do so appropriately, without abusing this
authority.
The Prophet Isaiah foretold a time when male leadership would become feeble,
and “women [would] rule over them” (see Isaiah 3:1-12). This is God’s
assessment of modern marriages, and the isu team’s findings back it up. What
may seem like a 50-50 relationship is actually, in most cases, a wife-dominated
relationship.
Following scriptural instruction on marriage truly does lead to the greatest
happiness, fulfillment and spiritual enrichment for both husband and wife.
Marriage, when truly understood from the Bible, is one of the most awesome and
inspiring institutions God created. To learn the little-understood biblical reasons
for marriage, read Herbert W. Armstrong’s booklet Why Marriage! Soon
Obsolete?