Des Moines Register
09-13-06
Carlson: Can't escape dumb and offensive (but legal) messages
By JOHN CARLSON
REGISTER COLUMNIST
So I'm driving west on University Avenue in Cedar Falls the other day and a
sharp-looking blonde swerves in front of me.
A little too close, but the young woman had a good reason. She was, after all, on
the phone.
Red light. We stop. Which is when I notice the sticker on the rear bumper of her
car.
Two words:
"(Blank) War."
Or close to that. "Blank" is as close as I can come to getting the real thing in the
newspaper, but that's all right, because you know what her little rolling billboard
said.
She turned right onto the UNI campus a few blocks down the street, presumably
a student going to class. Unless she's a teacher of some sort, which also is
possible.
The only near certainty is, she wasn't going to a Mensa luncheon.
The guess here is that most people are offended when they see the message on
her car, no matter what their view is on the current war. Some are clearly
horrified a supposedly normal person would paste something like that on her car.
Most likely, they yell at their children to "Hey, quick, look at the lady walking the
cute puppy down the sidewalk," or duck into McDonald's for a burger and fries
nobody wants. Anything to get their little eyes away from the woman, her car and
its obscene message.
What the woman in Cedar Falls is doing may be crude, and she's probably too
dense to express herself in any other way, but she's not violating Iowa law.
For further proof of the fact stupid is not necessarily illegal, we look ahead to
Iowa City on Saturday, the Hawkeye-Cyclone football game and the sure-tocome pregame gross-out in the parking lots and stadium.
This is where you get a good look at the fans, some of whom walk around with
goofy grins and T-shirts that say, "(Blank) Iowa State." And, yes, "(Blank) Iowa."
Most seem to be women. Young women. College age. And they proudly
represent both institutions.
They seem oblivious to the message they're strutting around with, possibly
because they're obliterated by vodka Jell-O shots.
It's a pity they never seem to run into their mothers.
The cops or universities can't do anything about it. As former University of Iowa
President David Skorton explained a few years ago after a particularly ugly
weekend in Iowa City, "Our legal counsel has advised us that it would not be
constitutional to ban vulgar T-shirts from Kinnick Stadium."
So we're back to the stupid thing again and a guarantee these things aren't going
away. And a consultation with my focus group — meaning a friend with a kid
who's nearly 5 years old — and the inevitable questions he'll be facing some day
on the street or at the ball game.
What would the kid say if he saw the car in Cedar Falls?
"Bad word, Dad."
The father said, yes, he'd agree with the boy, it is a bad word, and he'd tell him
never to say it. Just like his own dad told him 30 years ago.
What about when the kid asks him why somebody would put that word on a
bumper sticker or T-shirt where everybody could see it? "I'd say it's because that
person's mom or dad never sat down with him and told him it was a bad thing to
do."
My friend said his son would understand that.
OK, he probably won't understand when his dad has to explain that a guy isn't
allowed to drive around with an Iowa license plate that says "F NADER"; that a
woman can't wear a "Kerry for President" button to a Bush rally; that a girl can't
wear an anti-abortion T-shirt to a Des Moines high school; but that the ultimate
bad word, the real thing, is plastered on this other stuff.
But that's all right. Some things can't be explained.
It's probably best if my friend pulls into McDonald's, gives his kid another bag of
fries and hopes he stops asking questions.