Advanced Level
To The Basic Concepts
of Voice Dialogue
By
Murray Armstrong
Donna Armstrong
This sample preview provides only 62 of the possible 161 slides
available in the complete PowerPoint Presentation
We Welcome You
as you journey into the unique and exciting world of
Voice Dialogue and the Aware Ego Process
As seekers, we are looking for that something that will make a profound difference
in our lives. We also need to feel a certain sense of safety as we explore new
territory. You will already be acquainted with many of the concepts in Voice
Dialogue, so you will find it comforting to know you already have a partial map
as you explore Voice Dialogue territory. In Voice Dialogue, it the Aware Ego
Process that will challenge you and open up the potential for a profound and
transformative change to your life.
We hope that this Advanced PowerPoint Presentation to the Basic Concepts of Voice
Dialogue will serve as a valuable resource as you begin this wonderful journey
into Voice Dialogue.
Our Mission Statement as facilitators and teachers of Voice Dialogue is:
To offer the tool of Voice Dialogue and the Aware Ego Process
To re/member our wholeness.
Murray and Donna Armstrong
Voice Dialogue Edmonton, Creating Deeper Connections Inc.
2004
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Copyright
2003
Written & Published by:
Voice Dialogue Edmonton - Creating Deeper Connections Inc.
For our protection and the protection of the people you will be using this
presentation with, do not replicate this presentation in any manner without
the expressed consent of Murray and/or Donna Armstrong.
Upon request, Murray or Donna will provide copies of this presentation
either in CD format, overhead transparencies or hardcopy.
To order copies of this Presentation:
Contact:
Murray or Donna Armstrong
Website:
www.voicedialogueedmonton.com
Telephone: (780) 489 - 6389
ISBN 0-9735173-5-2
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VOICE DIALOGUE EDMONTON,
Creating Deeper Connections Inc.
Creating Deeper Connections is an attitude, belief, methodology and business name
Murray and Donna Armstrong have been co-creating over the past 30+ years.
Murray Armstrong, M.S.W., R.S.W., is a Clinical Social Worker. As his private practice
evolved, he realized that working with a person’s rational mind brought limited
success. In his search for alternative methods of helping people, he studied
experiential approaches such as Gestalt Therapy, Family Re-Construction,
Psychodrama, Carpet Work, Shadow Work, EMDR and Voice Dialogue. What he
learned from these experiential approaches is that people were able to more
deeply connect with themselves and others and that the depth and permanency of
change was more profound.
Donna Armstrong, B.Ed., is a retired teacher who has studied extensively in the
personal growth field and has been teaching consciousness/awareness workshops
for a number of years. In coping with a congenital disability, Donna has developed
extensive skills in managing chronic pain and using pain as a positive motivator in
her life. Donna’s focus in working with people is the integration of body, mind and
soul through experiential methodologies.
Donna and Murray have been studying and facilitating Voice Dialogue since 1995.
Voice Dialogue has been the most effective of all the experiential approaches in
helping to create change for both themselves and their clients. Voice Dialogue has
opened up seemingly endless possibilities for people to create deeper connections
with self, others and the universe. So it is with gratitude that Murray and Donna
have undertaken the task of writing a series of Guides and PowerPoint
Presentations in the wish that others may come to experience the profound
changes that are possible through Voice Dialogue.
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DRS. HAL AND SIDRA STONE
A NOTE ON THE FOUNDERS OF VOICE DIALOGUE:
Hal completed his Ph.D. in psychology in 1953 and his Jungian training in 1961. He resigned
as a Jungian analyst in 1971 and established the Center for the Healing Arts, a holistic
health and training center. As a therapist, teacher and writer, he focused his interests on
alternative methods of inner work and personal transformation.
Sidra completed her Ph.D. in 1962. She developed a private practice and operated a
residential treatment center for adolescent girls. After meeting Hal, Sidra focused her
therapeutic, teaching and writing energy on developing the Voice Dialogue method.
Hal and Sidra married in 1977. They were both previously married. Sidra brought three
daughters and Hal brought a daughter and son into their new marriage. It was out of their
commitment to their marriage and new family that the Voice Dialogue method was born.
In their determination to create a loving partnership, they worked through many difficult
dynamics. It was one of these struggles that brought them into a conversation with
Sidra’s vulnerable child self. That dialogue began the first of hundreds of conversations
with their many selves. The understanding gleaned from these conversations led them to
the theory of the Psychology of the Selves and the Aware Ego Process. They have been
ever evolving in their work and expect that Voice Dialogue will go through many
transformations.
As a result of Hal and Sidra teaching throughout the world, many Voice Dialogue centers have
sprung up spontaneously. The Stones’ numerous books, audiotape series and videotape
series continue to feed and support the individuals and centers whose lives have been
changed and nourished by their work.
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Endorsement
“We are delighted to recommend this excellent Guide to anyone teaching Voice
Dialogue and the Aware Ego Process. Murray and Donna Armstrong have made
good use of their strong academic backgrounds in this complete presentation of
our work – a clear, thoroughly researched and well-organized curriculum for
use in either a formal training or a classroom situation. They have collected and
organized material from many sources and have scrupulously checked out all
interpretations with us personally to be sure that their presentation of our ideas
and our teaching accurately reflect our thinking.”
Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone
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Using Voice Dialogue Power Point Presentation 1, 2, & 3
Background
The content of these Guides/PowerPoint Presentations (PPP) is a compilation from Hal and Sidra
Stones’ many audio and video tapes. This compilation organizes their material for greater
accessibility and easier understanding.
Purpose
The Guides/PPP are an educational tool for both students and teachers of Voice Dialogue and can be
used to learn as well as teach the basic theoretical concepts of Voice Dialogue and the Aware
Ego Process.
Because this is a Guide, our objective is to state the basic theoretical concepts of Voice Dialogue
briefly and simply. To achieve a deeper understanding of the basic concepts, students will have to
work with an experienced Voice Dialogue practitioner/teacher.
The Voice Dialogue Process is a multi-dimensional, fluid process that is being described in
linear language. Please remember it is essential that you experience the Voice Dialogue
Process. You will not be able to grasp the core of Voice Dialogue through these Guides/PPP
only.
For Students
Guide 1 & PPP 1 - Introductory Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue is for students who
have little or no familiarity with Voice Dialogue.
Guide 2 & PPP 2 - Intermediate Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue is for students who
have done some reading in Voice Dialogue and have been dialogued a number of times.
Guide 3 & PPP 3 - Advanced Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue is for students who
have done considerable reading in Voice Dialogue and had extensive dialoguing.
Because the three Guides/PPP offer a concise presentation of Voice Dialogue theory they can serve as
a quick reference as you are reading books or listening to video or audio tapes on Voice Dialogue.
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(Continuing)
Using Voice Dialogue
Power Point Presentation 1, 2, & 3
For Teachers
The Guides/PPP offer a framework in which to present the theory of Voice Dialogue.
The Guides have been replicated in corresponding animated PowerPoint Presentations
(PPP) to provide a multi-media tool that offers a dynamic presentation of the Voice
Dialogue theory. The Guides can be used by the students to follow along with the
teacher as the teacher uses the PPP.
Teachers are responsible for designing their own workshops using their own
experiential tools.
The Guides/PPP may be integrated into each teacher’s workshop in whatever way helps
present the theoretical aspects of Voice Dialogue. The theory augments the
experiential learning. The Guides/PPP have been set into teachable units so that
theory can be presented first with the teacher providing the accompanying
experiential exercises.
The introductory and intermediate levels are intended to give students a solid grounding
in the theory of Voice Dialogue. By the end of the advanced level the student will
have in-depth exposure to the basic concepts of the Voice Dialogue method.
If you are doing an hour, half-day, or full-day workshop, the Guides/PPP are designed so
that teachers can select a section that is appropriate for their
presentation/workshop.
It is extremely helpful to have participants read the Guides/PPP before taking any of the
workshops so that they can familiarize themselves with the material.
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(Continuing)
Using Voice Dialogue
Power Point Presentation 1, 2, & 3
Guide 1 & PPP 1, the Introductory Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue, is
intended to be used as part of a 15-hour workshop. Students will be given the
opportunity to gain personal experience of the selves and the Aware Ego Process and
incorporate the theory of Voice Dialogue into that experience.
Guide 2 & PPP 2, the Intermediate Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue, is
intended to be used for an 18-hour workshop. The information from Guide 1,
indicated by a (*), is integrated into Guide 2. The black box () in the Guides and
the happy face (☺) in the PowerPoint Presentations indicate new information. In
Guide 2, the concepts of energetics and bonding patterns are introduced.
Guide 3 & PPP 3, the Advanced Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue, is
intended to be used for a 30–36-hour workshop. The information from Guide 2,
indicated by a (*), is integrated into Guide 3. The black box () for the Guides and
the happy face (☺) for the PowerPoint Presentations indicate new information.
Flexibility
Some information is repeated in certain sections of the Guide/PPP so that teachers have
the flexibility to teach from a section without having to search for related information
in another section. This is especially useful in presenting a brief talk or running a
training group. Teachers and students, please use the Guides and PPP with the
greatest flexibility for your own learning or teaching of Voice Dialogue.
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(Continuing)
Using Voice Dialogue
Power Point Presentation 1, 2, & 3
Time frame
Due to many variables, we do not recommend a specific time
frame for when participants should go from one level to the
next. We suggest that participants continue being
dialogued throughout the learning process.
Notes
Clients/subjects/participants have found Guide 1 very helpful
as they begin their Voice Dialogue work.
Guides/PPP 1, 2, & 3 can also be used with an on-going
supervision group where the content can be explored in
greater depth.
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Important Information
We do not recommend trying to process yourself or others without the
proper training/supervision from an experienced Voice Dialogue
practitioner.
The physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of you, your loved ones
and those in your care is paramount. Neither the Voice Dialogue
method nor the Guides or PPP should be used as a substitute for
treatment by licensed health care or medical professionals. The
authors must, and do disclaim any responsibility for your well-being
and how you apply the information within.
All names and examples in the three Guides & PPP are from a
synthesis of our clinical experience and any reference to any person
living or dead is coincidental and unintended.
In learning Voice Dialogue, it is essential that you experience the
Voice Dialogue process. You will not be able to grasp the core of
Voice Dialogue through reading alone.
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DEDICATION
This PPP is dedicated to Hal and Sidra Stone for the
inspiration and mentorship they so willingly give.
The congruency and integrity of how their lives
match their teachings not only attracted us to
Voice Dialogue, but made it safe to explore the
power and the subtleties of their work.
We also dedicate the PPP to you, the practitioners
and teachers of Voice Dialogue. May your teaching
of Voice Dialogue to the world be easier and more
enjoyable!
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Acknowledgements
We honour Hal and Sidra Stone for their unique wisdom which has made them
pioneers in giving the world a psycho-spiritual approach that is deceptively
simple yet profound in its contribution to the breadth and depth of
understanding human dynamics. We also want to thank them for the hours
they spent editing and supporting us in the creation of these three Guides/PPP.
Judith Tamar Stone worked with Hal and Sidra from the inception of Voice
Dialogue; we are grateful for the knowledge and commitment she has brought
to the development of Voice Dialogue.
Our children, Trina and Lana, have been the doorway to some of our most
profound learnings. They have inspired, challenged and loved us in that
intricate dance of building a family. Without them, we would only half believe
that wholeness and fulfillment were possible.
We thank our clients, our fellow seekers, without whom we could not have
deepened our understanding of Voice Dialogue.
Thank you to our dear and close friends whose support for who we are and what
we do has made our life more gentle and playful.
To Martha-Lou Wolfe, George Newton, Kim Wall and Larry Lambert, we thank you
all for your generosity of time and keen minds that have gifted us with so
much clarity.
A special thank you to our friend, John Loewen, who gave so much love and
honest feedback as he edited, proof read and cheer-led throughout the process
of developing these Guides/PPP.
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Advance Level – Introduction to Voice Dialogue Concepts
What is Voice Dialogue?

Voice Dialogue is a consciousness tool that can help us to become aware of
our many different sub-personalities or ‘selves’ and how to consciously
choose from the strengths and limitations of these selves. In particular,
Voice Dialogue is a method for separating from our primary selves which
leads to the development of the Aware Ego Process.

In consciousness work, we have a sense that some part of us is incomplete
and is seeking wholeness. Human beings are not seen as being broken or
ill and in need of being fixed.
Nooooo,
Voice Dialogue is not
singing, speech or voice
lessons… not even
translation services!
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
What are the Goals of Voice Dialogue?
The goal of Voice Dialogue is the development
of the Aware Ego Process; that is, the ability to
separate from the primary selves, embrace the
disowned selves and be able to exercise
conscious choice using the benefits and
acknowledging the limitations of the selves.

Another major goal is the activation of the
intelligence of the unconscious which stimulates
the dream process. The Aware Ego Process
stimulates the built-in, organizing ability of the
unconscious which then results in dreams
becoming more organized and focused. As
people access their dreams, they are also
accessing their unconscious and then their
unconscious becomes the new inner teacher.

In Voice Dialogue, there is no attempt to fix or
change any of the selves. Instead, we are
encouraged through an Aware Ego Process to
learn about the gifts and limitations of each self
and how to use, or not use them.

The minimum hope in Voice Dialogue is to get a
map of the selves, experience some of the
primary and disowned selves and obtain some
awareness of the Aware Ego Process.
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Donna & Murray Armstrong, Voice Dialogue - Edmonton, Creating Deeper Connections Inc.
Stop!!!
No need to kill
each other off,
this can be
win-win for all of
us!!!
15
What is the Theoretical Foundation of Voice Dialogue?

The theoretical foundation of Voice Dialogue
is the Psychology of the Selves and the
Psychology of the Aware Ego Process. This
foundation developed from the many years
of dialoguing and experiencing the reality of
the selves and their interaction with each
other. From the exploration of the
energetics of relationship and how the selves
manifest in the dream process, a new
understanding of awareness and
consciousness eventually led to the
development of Voice Dialogue and the
Aware Ego Process.

The Stones are now combining the
Psychology of the Selves and the Aware Ego
Process under one title: “Voice Dialogue
International, Teaching the Psychology of
the Aware Ego and the Selves”.

Voice Dialogue is taught throughout the
world because people from many different
cultures have found the concepts and
practices of Voice Dialogue helpful in making
significant changes in their lives.
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Sidra, This
is a big job
Donna & Murray Armstrong, Voice Dialogue - Edmonton, Creating Deeper Connections Inc.
I know
Hal,
give it
time!
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What is Hal and Sidra Stones’ Model of Consciousness?




2004
Consciousness is defined in the dictionary as "awareness, perception of
one's existence; the totality of the thoughts and feelings of a person or
group".
In Voice Dialogue the question is: Who is this person or ‘I’ that is being
conscious?
We most commonly understand this ‘I’ to be Freud's concept of ‘Ego’.
Hal and Sidra Stone have re-defined this ‘I’ or consciousness as having
three parts:
 Awareness - This comes first in the process to let us know that we are
different from how we usually see ourselves.
 Experience of the Selves - In Freud's concept, the ‘Ego’ is thought to be
in charge of our lives. Hal and Sidra Stone believe that the ‘ego’ is
actually a group of selves (primary selves) that operate our lives
(operating ego).
 Aware Ego Process - The Stones believe that once we can separate
from our primary selves (operating ego), the ‘I’ who is sitting separated
from the primary selves is the beginning of the Aware Ego Process.
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(Continuing)
What is Hal and Sidra Stones’ Model of Consciousness?
 By separating from a primary self, we begin to discover its
corresponding disowned self. Previously, this disowned self only
came out occasionally and often unintentionally. In the moment of
discovering this disowned self, we now have a more complete Aware
Ego Process because we have separated from the primary self and
embraced the corresponding disowned self. The Aware Ego
Process allows us to choose how much of either the primary
self or the disowned self we want to use in any given situation.
 The consciousness model evolved from the Stone’s work with the
selves and the Aware Ego Process.
 In summary, consciousness is a process whereby we have
awareness and experience of the selves and through an
Aware Ego Process have greater choice in how we use the
selves.
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Consciousness Model of the Psychology of the
Aware Ego Process and the Selves
Awareness
Sees All, Judges Nothing
Aware Ego Process Embraces
the Selves and Awareness
Primary
or
Opposite Self
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Disowned or
Opposite Self
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The Basic Voice Dialogue Session


The basic steps to a Voice Dialogue session are outlined below to provide a
practical context in which to understand the theory presented in the Guides
and PowerPoint Presentations.
Different facilitators may choose to do the steps in the facilitation process in
a different order or choose not to do certain steps. It may take two or three
hours to complete all the steps.
Step One: Deciding Which Self to Dialogue


Identify the issue, distress, problem, or self the person wants to focus on.
Facilitator and person’s operating ego can co-decide which self to begin
with.
Person’s Operating Ego
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Facilitator
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Step Two: Dialoguing the Primary Self

Have the Facilitator Operating Ego Primary self person physically
move over from the center (the operating ego chair) into the chair
or space of the self to be dialogued (usually the primary self).

Facilitator asks the primary self questions that bring forth who
that self is and its purpose in the person’s life.
Operating
Ego
Primary self
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Facilitator
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Step Three: Separate from Primary Self into the Developing
Aware Ego Process


When the dialoguing of the primary self is done, have the person
move back into the center (the chair of the operating
ego/developing Aware Ego process).
Facilitator takes the person through a separation process from the
primary self just dialogued, making clear that this is the beginning
of the Aware Ego process relative to this self.
Primary Self
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Center/
Operating Ego/
Developing Aware
Ego Process
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Facilitator
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Step Four: Dialogue the Opposite or Disowned Self

It is recommended that the facilitator dialogue the primary self for a number of
sessions. The work with the disowned self usually starts when the primary self
gives permission to the facilitator to work with a disowned self. The safety of doing
no harm to the participant comes from respecting the position the primary self
holds in the person’s life. With experience, the facilitator comes to know when to
work with the disowned selves.

Now, the facilitator has the person move from the center chair to the opposite or
disowned self.
Ask the disowned self questions that bring forth who it is and its purpose in the
person’s life.

Primary Self
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Center/
Operating Ego &
Developing
Aware Ego
Process
Disowned or
Opposite Self
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Facilitator
25
Step Five: Separate & Embrace the Energy of the Selves
in the Aware Ego Process



Have the person move back into the center chair.
The facilitator then guides the energetic separation from the
opposite or disowned self while holding the Aware Ego process for
the person.
The facilitator then assists the person in separating and embracing
the energetic tension of the selves in the Aware Ego process. The
facilitator may take the opportunity to use different methods to
strengthen and enhance the Aware Ego Process.
Primary Self
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Separation from
the Two Selves in
the Aware Ego
Process
Disowned or
Opposite Self
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Facilitator
26
Step Six: Experience the Non-judgmental Position of Awareness

The facilitator may choose to do an awareness process in which
the facilitator has the person stand far enough back so the person
can observe the three places/chairs where the two selves were
dialogued as well as the chair of the operating ego/developing
Aware Ego Process. The facilitator then summarizes the Voice
Dialogue session while the person witnesses and experiences the
memory of the Voice Dialogue session from a non-judgmental,
position of awareness.
Awareness
Primary Self
Operating Ego
& Aware Ego
Process
Disowned or
Opposite Self
Facilitator
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Step Seven: Integration of the Voice Dialogue Session

As the final step in the Voice Dialogue session, the facilitator has
the person move back to the operating ego/Aware Ego Process
chair between the energy of the primary and disowned selves
while our awareness retains the memory and learning of the
experience and the facilitator debriefs the Voice Dialogue session.
Disowned or
Opposite Self
Primary Self
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Awareness
Separation &
Integration of the Two
Selves & the Aware
Ego Process with the
Operating Ego
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Facilitator
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Psychology of the Selves
Advanced Level – Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue
What is a Self?
 Each self is like a person who lives within our psyche.
☻ The selves are the smallest unit of the personality and become the
building blocks of the psyche.
 Selves can be named in many ways, e.g., pusher, judge, good or bad
mother, loving or cold father, controlling parent, rebel son and
dutiful daughter. Selves can also be identified on a first-name basis
of that culture such as Tom, Jane, Fredrick, Jasmine, Krishneel,
Jorge, Marisella, Annika, etc.
 The selves have their own voices and unique way of expressing
themselves. Voice Dialogue accesses the selves through dialoguing
with the selves.
 Each self has its own perceptions, energy, beliefs, values, worldview, physical reactions, expressiveness, body postures, behaviors
and voice, e.g., the perfectionist is precise and believes anything
worth doing is worth doing perfectly, the pleaser wants other
people’s needs satisfied to ensure there is harmony and the
controller likes to be in charge to ensure the person’s needs and
wants are met.
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(Continuing)
Psychology of the Aware Ego and the Selves
☻ Each self believes its views are the only correct ones, e.g., it is
hard to convince the rational self, who does not comprehend the
experience of emotion that emotions are good.
☻ The selves can only give, get and see partial information
concerning any issue, e.g., the rational self looks at the safety
features in buying a new car while the emotional self wants us to
feel good driving this car.
☻ Different selves will remember different things; sometimes the
memories will overlap and sometimes they will not.
☻ The selves are neither good nor bad; it depends on who is using
the self, e.g., a mother, in loving her daughter, has conditions
around that love. This can feel ‘bad’ to the daughter. If the love is
through the Aware Ego Process, the mother’s love is not attached
in the same way because the Aware Ego Process embraces both
the awareness and the experience of the selves and therefore does
not have the same attachment to it.
☻ It is important not to judge, change, or get rid of any self.
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What is the Purpose of the Selves?
 The selves emerge to help us live our lives.
 The selves define how we relate to the world, to others and
to our self, e.g., our pusher would have us doing something
all the time: raising a family, working long hours, getting
involved in organizations, playing sports and/or doing
hobbies. The benefit of this pusher could be that we can
have a very rich and fulfilling life. The limitation of this
pusher could be that we often feel exhausted and therefore
experience many of the activities we do as ‘just another
thing to get done’.
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(Continuing)
What is the Purpose of the Selves?
 Our primary selves operate between our vulnerability and
the world. They make it possible for us to function in our
environment. Without them, we would become victims to
others, e.g., our rule maker ensures we follow the rules so
that others will accept us.
 We develop clusters of selves that protect and collect
around our vulnerable child, e.g., the independent, selfreliant selves can keep us emotionally unavailable so that
we are not hurt by others.
☻ In the beginning years of Voice Dialogue, clusters of selves
were treated as a single voice. Later on, each self in the
cluster was treated individually, e.g., typically, the free
spirit self can cluster with a rebel self against parents.
Historically, these two selves were worked with as one self
but later on were dialogued separately.
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(Continuing)
What is the Purpose of the Selves?
☻ Selves may be clustered and categorized in many ways,
including other theories or systems, such as Myers-Briggs or
astrology. Examples of clusters of selves include:
• Spiritual cluster of selves, e.g., religious, new age
• Relation-oriented cluster of selves, e.g., pleaser,
husband/wife
• Anti-social cluster of selves, e.g., rebel, independent
• Sensitive/emotional cluster of selves, e.g., vulnerable
child, artist
• Nurturing cluster of selves, e.g., good parent, sage
• Power cluster of selves, e.g., warrior, pusher
☻ Although some of these clusters of selves may not seem
protective, all of them do act in service to our vulnerability.
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How do Personality and the Selves Develop?
The Role of Personality and the Selves
 As we grow, we need to develop a personality that enables us to
manage our vulnerability while maintaining our essence/uniqueness.
Our personality protects us, creates safety, helps us find love and
lets us get along in the world.
☻ For the Stones, personality is the primary selves or subpersonalities that define who we are in the world. The
Stones call this the operating ego; that is, it is the team of
primary selves that emerges to help us live our lives, e.g.,
the pleaser, perfectionist, inner critic, judge, pusher and
rational selves.
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Development of Personality and the Selves:
Essence of
Essence/
Our
Psych
Fingerprint
Psychic
Fingerprint
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( Continuing)
How do Personality and the Selves Develop?
The Role Vulnerability

The infant carries our essence, our psychic fingerprint, our uniqueness,
that which makes us who we are at our core. Our essence began to
emerge in our childhood and is manifested in our adult life through our
operating ego.

The infant is born vulnerable. This initial state endures as the
vulnerable child.

Being vulnerable is a state all humans experience. Vulnerability is
universal.
 Vulnerability refers to the openness, sensitivity and sense of being
undefended we all experience. It also refers to the pain, fear and grief
we experience in life.
☻ Vulnerability without protection may lead us to becoming a victim,
being weak, or being attacked.
☻ Vulnerability, channeled through a strong primary self, protects the
person from being victimized but in the process buries the
vulnerability.
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( Continuing)
(Continuing)
How do Personality and the Selves Develop?
The Role of Vulnerability
☻ Vulnerability, channeled through an Aware Ego Process, frees the
person from feeling weak, anxious or victimized all the time. The
vulnerability does not have to be buried.
☻ Being aware of our vulnerability is essential to consciousness work.
☻ Being identified with our vulnerability can throw us into our victim
child self.
☻ In Voice Dialogue, we are trying to learn how to be vulnerable in a
safe way. If vulnerability is a primary self (that is, we are identified
with our vulnerability), the power primary selves are not available to
ground the person. This can make the person fearful about life and
may prevent the person from establishing intimate, long-lasting
relationships.
☻ Ultimately, the Aware Ego Process is responsible for the vulnerable
child’s safety. When the Aware Ego Process is able to use our power
selves, it can provide the protection and nurturance the vulnerable
child needs. Our vulnerability can become an asset along with its
limitations.
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( Continuing)
How do Personality and the Selves Develop?
The Role of Vulnerability and Power

It is in our ability to embrace our vulnerability and power through an
Aware Ego Process that allows the emergence of every feeling,
thought and reaction, and to cherish them as part of who we are.
☻ As we include both our vulnerability and power through an Aware Ego
Process, it strengthens our ability to be intimate, to fully experience
others and to love.
☻ The interaction of power with vulnerability in the Aware Ego Process
leads to empowerment.
☻ Generally, the belief has been that being powerful means using
power and showing no signs of weakness or vulnerability. One of the
goals of Voice Dialogue is to use power consciously in the world, with
vulnerability present through the Aware Ego Process.
☻ In Voice Dialogue empowerment means embracing both sides,
vulnerability and power. Now, vulnerability can be experienced as an
asset.
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( Continuing)
How do Personality and the Selves Develop?
The Role of Vulnerability and Power
☻ It is essential to remember that vulnerability, power and
empowerment all have their time and place in a person’s
life.
☻ The infinity loop model below represents the dynamics of
this interaction.
Awareness
Personality
Power Selves
Aware Ego Process
Vulnerable Selves
Essence
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What are the Different Types of Selves
that Comprise our Personality?
 Selves can be either primary or disowned.
 The primary self is the self that runs our life. It is 'Who we think
we are'. People see us as that self and it becomes our identity, e.g.,
he or she is amiable, elegant, hard working, successful, relaxed,
organized, fun-loving, responsible, discerning, or loving.
☻ One self does not run our entire life. In reality, a group of
primary selves called the primary self system/operating ego
runs our life, e.g., pleaser-responsible-pusher-perfectionist
self system.
 The disowned self is a self that is opposite to the primary self and
has been hidden, repressed, denied and/or buried in a person's life
because it is seen as unacceptable to us and others, e.g., if the
primary self is the independent self, the opposite might be the
dependent self. We are not usually aware of our disowned self.
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(Continuing)
What are the Different Types of Selves
that Create our Personality?
☻ The hidden primary self is one of the selves that run our life and is
not readily seen by others. We try not to show the hidden self to
the world because it is not acceptable to others or us but is still
often seen or at least sensed by others. Sometimes, we are not
aware of our hidden primary selves, e.g., the patriarch, dreamer,
matriarch, sexual self, affectionate self, controller, leader, hero,
manipulator, creative self and idealist.
☻ The primary self is aware of the disowned self and does not want
the disowned self to be part of the person's life, sometimes even
forcibly denying the disowned self, e.g., the pleaser adamantly
stops the person’s anger and appeases instead.
☻ Although both the hidden primary self and disowned self may not
be visible to others, they are constantly active in our lives. The
disowned self, which is often unconscious to the person, is
occasionally seen when it pops up from time to time: the hidden
self, which can be conscious or unconscious to the person, can
often be sensed by others, but is rarely overtly seen by others..
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(Continuing)
What are the Different Types of Selves
that Create our Personality?
☻ An undeveloped self is a self that has not become a part of the
person's life because the person is not interested in, or in need of,
or has not been exposed to that self. If an undeveloped self
begins to emerge in a person’s life, it can become either a primary
or disowned self, e.g., a man has never been married or had a child
and has lived a single life. He has not had the opportunity to
develop a ‘husband’ or ‘father’ self. His ‘married self’ is not
disowned or pushed down…it just never had the opportunity to
emerge. If he falls in love and gets married and has children, the
undeveloped selves of ‘husband’ and ‘father’ can become primary
selves.
☻ An undeveloped self is not a disowned self, e.g., if a person is not
mechanical, it maybe because they have not been interested in
developing that skill, not because it has been forcibly repressed by
the primary self.

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It is important not to judge, change, or get rid of the primary or
disowned selves.
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Mapping of Primary & Disowned Selves
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What are the Three Levels of the Selves?
☻ There are three levels of selves: instinctual, personal and
archetypal.
☻ At the instinctual level, Jung talked of a wisdom built into the
genetics of our psyche that is linked to our survival/instinctual
needs, e.g., aggression, protection, procreation/sexual,
territory/boundaries and selfishness.
☻ At the personal level, the selves result from a combination of our
genetics and conditioning by family and culture, e.g., pleaser,
pusher, perfectionist and competitor.
☻ The archetypal level speaks to the universality of characteristics
we all share. The Greek and Roman gods are examples of the
archetypes, e.g., Mars-warrior, Aphrodite-sensual/sexual, Zeusfather, Hercules-hero, Amazon-warrior woman, Athena-goddess
of wisdom, Diana-goddess of Nature, Eros/Cupid-god of love.
☻ As individuals, we all have these archetypal energies within us.
We often look outside of us for the answers to our life problems.
However, all that we seek outside of us is already in us, i.e., we are
all microcosms of the macrocosms.
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How Do We Embrace the Selves?
☻ We honor the purposes and gifts that the selves bring to our
lives. Embracing the selves does not mean becoming them.
☻ It is important not to reject or get rid of any self, no matter
how we might try.
☻ Knowing that each self has positive and negative, useful
and limiting qualities, we learn through the Aware Ego
Process to discern how each self fits into our life.
☻ With disowned selves, it is helpful to embrace enough of the
disowned self to allows us to relate with others who carry
our disowned self, e.g., as a shy person, I am uncomfortable
with assertive people. If I can embrace enough of my own
assertiveness, then I will not be as uncomfortable or
intimidated by assertive people because I have learned
about the gifts that can come with assertiveness.
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Stability Versus Instability of the Selves?
☻ When our primary selves are running our lives, it is like
hopping on one foot because we have not yet embraced the
corresponding disowned selves.
☻ Even though we are on one foot, the irony is that we feel
stable because our primary selves think they are right and
everyone else is wrong.
☻ It is because the primary selves do not question their own
truth that instability in our personalities is created.
☻ When we embrace our disowned selves, we are now
hopping on the other foot. However, it is only when we can
embrace any pair of primary and disowned selves
simultaneously through the Aware Ego Process that we
achieve stability and are now on both feet.
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(Continuing)
Stability Versus Instability of the Selves?
☻ Our primary selves create a paradox. On the one hand, our primary
selves try to surround us with people who have the same primary
selves as us so that all the operating egos can function smoothly
together, e.g., a married couple who are both university trained or
are both organized types.
☻ On the other hand, the primary selves attract those people who
are opposite to our primary selves, i.e., who carry our disowned
selves. Paradoxically, we can then either criticize others or be
attracted to them, e.g., I can judge someone who is irresponsible
or be attracted to the irresponsibility. Life usually gives us our
opposites to help us learn balance, i.e., yin and yang of existence.
☻ Relationships are a common example of the paradox where each
person is attracted to their primary and disowned selves.
☻ This paradox exists because we need to have enough in common
with the person that we want to have a relationship and we also
need to embrace our disowned selves in order to become more
whole or complete, e.g., someone whose primary self is
relationship-oriented can unconsciously be attracted to someone
whose primary self is task-oriented. Extending this example, the
relationship-oriented person, the wife, needs to learn to organize
and prioritize, while the task-oriented person, the husband, needs
to learn to make time for his children and/or wife.
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49
What are the Primary Selves?
 The primary selves are the selves that run our lives. They
develop from our genetic predispositions as well as
familial/societal rules and expectations.
 Primary selves emerge in our childhood to protect our
vulnerability and by adulthood typically define who we are.
 The primary self believes it is the complete identity of the
person; i.e., it is ‘who I am'. The primary self is strong and
secure because it feels it knows all the answers for the
person’s own good.
☻ Primary selves carry our power in the world because they
have a set of rules about life which convinces us we are
right while others are wrong.
 Potentially, we have scores of selves available to us, any
one of which can become a primary self.
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(Continuing)
What are the Primary Selves?
☻ Any quality or characteristic of being human can become a primary self,
e.g., travelling, being strong-willed, helping others, playing sports and
homemaking.

Primary selves are visible to others.

We usually have five to ten primary selves that run our life.

The most common primary selves in western culture are the:










pleaser
pusher
perfectionist
inner critic/judge
rational mind
Emotional/feeling self
responsible self
controller
protector
rule maker
 Other cultures may have different common primary selves or a different
order of dominance of those primary selves.
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How do the Primary Selves Develop?

There is a genetic predisposition to personality types: outgoing vs. shy,
intellectual vs. mechanical, high sexual arousal vs. low sexual arousal.

Societal and family rules affect which selves become primary. Some of
these rules may be around:








Birth order - e.g., the first child is often responsible and serious.
Specific family rules - e.g., “if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say
anything at all”, creates a pleaser.
Legacy of previous generations - e.g., in multi-generational alcoholism, one can
become either an addict or a non-drinker.
Religion - e.g., being forced to go to church can create the non-church-goer.
Community - e.g., civic-minded parents can create the volunteer.
Country - e.g., a country that has lots of resources and affluence can create
arrogant and self-serving citizens.
Historical times - e.g., during a war, the warrior or victim mentality can pervade
the population.
Traumatic events - e.g., the shooting of a classmate could create an anti-violence
crusader.
☻ We unconsciously adopt our family’s rules and expectations at an early
age. Typically in adolescence and going into young adulthood, we may
temporarily or permanently, unconsciously or consciously choose different
rules and expectations for ourselves.

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We usually adopt the family rules in our childhood because following those rules will
bring us love, acceptance, belonging, success, less emotional pain and allow us to
feel safe and secure in our family and our environment.
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How do the Primary Selves Work?
 Hal and Sidra Stone theorize that Freud’s concept of the
‘Ego’ is actually a team or cluster of primary selves that is
running our life. The Stones call this the operating ego, e.g.,
the pusher / rational mind / inner critic / perfectionist
could have us become ‘workshop junkies’.
 The primary selves protect our vulnerability from pain,
shame, confusion, ridicule, censure and feeling lost in the
world. They are our power in the world. These selves carry
the rules we live by, make sense of our surroundings, give
us explanations about our life and make life predictable.
 We may stay locked in our primary self because the primary
self believes it is 'right'. When we feel criticized, it is the
primary self that does not accept the criticism; it believes it
is the other person's fault or problem, e.g., if my pleaser is
my primary self and I am being judged as being too nice,
my pleaser would justify itself by saying that it is better to
get along with people than to be fighting with them.
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(Continuing)
How do the Primary Selves Work?
☻ Different primary selves co-exist in a person and come out
in different situations, e.g., being a tyrant at home but a
submissive employee at work; being aggressive playing
sports but passive otherwise; being talkative with friends
but quiet with strangers.
☻ Primary selves cannot conceptualize working with their
opposites. It is only the Aware Ego Process that can
integrate the opposites.
☻ Primary selves are so strong that they can suck us back into
their gravitational pull except when our Aware Ego Process
is strong enough to resist this pull.
☻ Sometimes the primary self is created by 'pushing off from’
(rejecting) family or societal rules, e.g., becoming an atheist
in a Christian family, a draft-dodger. This is part of the
rebel system.
☻ Hidden primary selves are seen by us but are not seen by
others. We experience them internally, running our lives,
e.g., competitor, star, adventurer and free-spirit.
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What is the Operating Ego?
 The operating ego is the primary self system; that is, it is
the combination or team of primary selves who we think of
as ‘I’ or ‘me’ as we live our life, e.g., one common team of
selves is the pusher-perfectionist-pleaser-inner criticresponsible team.
 In our daily life, until we develop our Aware Ego Process,
we are unconsciously and continuously identifying with one
of our primary selves.
 At any moment, we are usually identified 100% with a self
and are not aware of it. That self is operating our life 100%
in that moment.
 The operating ego diminishes as the Aware Ego Process
grows. Primary selves can change; disowned selves can
become primary selves and vice versa but the operating ego
will always be functional to some degree in a person’s life.
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Some Primary Selves of the Operating Ego
Controller
Judge
Sexual
self
Emotional
self
Rational
self
Pleaser
self
Inner
Child
Husband
or Wife
Pusher
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Father or
Mother
Patriarch
Matriarch
Inner
Critic
Perfectionist
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Does our Identification with Primary Selves Change?
 One primary self can be running a person's life one minute
and then another primary self can take over the next
minute. This can occur at any time, e.g., in a conversation
with a partner, the pleaser self can be accommodating to
the partner's wishes and in the next minute a rebel self
could take over if the partner is being perceived as being
selfish.
 Primary selves can change over time but keep their essence,
e.g., the inner critic can become less critical and more
supportive by seeing its limitations and benefits.
 Different selves can be primary over different stages of our
life, e.g., a good girl at home becomes the rebel in
university and then becomes the good employee after she
starts working.
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(Continuing)
Does our Identification with Primary Selves Change?
☻ There can be a permanent shift from the dominance of one
primary self to another primary self, e.g., from being very
easy-going to being on-edge after suffering from a heart
attack.
☻ A severe illness or major life disruption can cause a shift to
a new primary self, e.g., having severe back problems can
change a self-reliant person into depending on others; or
losing your job can shift one from feeling secure to being
highly anxious.
☻ As our ‘meaning in life’ changes, our primary self can also
change, e.g., the death of a friend could result in one
becoming more religious/spiritual.
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How do we Relate With the Primary Selves?
 We do not get rid of primary selves. We learn to separate from
them.
☻ The concept of separation is used because the energy of the
primary self is sitting inside our body and we must separate from
this energy system in order to develop an Aware Ego Process. To
use other concepts such as differentiation and objectification instead
of separation implies the selves are ‘not us’ and gives them a quality
of not being real. It has been found through experience that using
the concept of separation fosters the desired separation from the
primary selves.
☻ Never violate the primacy of the primary self when working with a
disowned self; that is, always honour and respect the role of the
primary self.
 It is important not to judge or try to change any of the primary
selves. We honour all aspects of each self.
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When the Primary Self
is Driving Our Psychological Car?
Who
This Has to be
Is Driving Your Psychological Car
the way to go!! ?
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Thank you!
For previewing this
Advanced Level of the Basic Concepts
for the Training of
Voice Dialogue
and the Aware Ego Process
and assisting us to continue our
Mission as Voice Dialogue Facilitators and Teachers:
In offering the tool of Voice Dialogue to
re/member our wholeness.
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To order the PowerPoint Presentation
“Advanced Level to the Basic Concepts of Voice Dialogue”
Contact:
onna
and/or
urray
Web site: www.voicedialogueedmonton.com
Email: dmarm@telusplanet.net
Phone: (780) 489 6389
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