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ALADDIN & HIS WONDERFUL
LAMP – ACT ONE
Sc 1
Opening
Stage darkens. Spooky music & sounds. SOOTHSAYER APPEARS
SOOTH Good friends, a welcome to you all!
We have a story to enthral
Tonight: it starts in Egypt's land A world of pyramids, and sand.
This wizard's lair, if truth be told,
Is where our tale does first unfold ...
Sc 2
Abanazar’s lair
MUSIC/SOUND INCREASES IN VOLUME. ABANAZAR ENTERS
READING A HUGE DUSTY ANCIENT LOOKING BOOK. HE LAUGHS
EVILLY AS HE READS IT.
ABNZR Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and no doubt boys and girls. I am the
great wizard, Abanazar, a legend amongst sorcerers and magicians, renowned
throughout Egypt for my magical powers. And in this book, this old, dusty
book, I have discovered a way of becoming even richer than I am already. These
pages tell of a cave in a far-off land which contains a lamp, a magical lamp,
which will bring whosoever possesses it – immense fortune. I must find that
lamp! I will have that lamp.
ABANAZAR RUBS A RING ON HIS FINGER
ABNZR Genie of the Ring – come hither.
GENIE OF THE RING ENTERS
GENR
Good evening, O great Master Abanazar – tell me your bidding.
ABNZR I command you, O Genie of the Ring, to inform me of how I can obtain the
magical lamp mentioned in these dusty pages.
GENR
Please.
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ABNZR What?
GENR
Manners. I’ve told you before. I won’t tell you anything otherwise.
ABNZR Oh, very well. Please.
GENR
That’s better. (MAGICAL SOUNDS) I can see that this lamp lies many many
hundreds of miles distant, in the strange and exotic country of China.
ABNZR China. That is indeed distant.
GENR
As you already know, the magical lamp is hidden deep within a cave, and this
cave lies near the imperial city of Peking.
ABNZR Indeed
GENR
However, one person and one person only, is permitted by the cosmic powersthat-be to enter the cave and then retrieve that lamp. And that one person is a
young boy, who lives in old Peking. That young boys name is Aladdin.
ABNZR Aladdin! Genie of the Ring – transport me at once to old Peking! Please!
GENR
Your wish is my command, O great Abanazar, your magic carpet is ready. To
old Peking we go!
GENIE R SNAPS HER FINGERS, SOUND/LX FX. ABANAZAR & GENIE R
EXIT, ABANAZAR LAUGHING EVILLY.
Sc 3 Old Peking Town (including ext of Widow Twankey’s Laundry)
TOWN SQUARE OF OLD PEKING. TOWNSFOLK ENTER SINGING
SONG # 1 - WISHEE AND TOWNS FOLK (AN ORIENTAL THEME)
TOWNSFOLK EXIT. ENTER WIDOW TWANKEY THROUGH AUDIENCE,
CARRYING BASKETS OF WASHING.
SOOTH And so we've flown to old Peking,
Where merry townsfolk dance and sing.
But what's that smell of something manky?
- It's washerwoman, Widow Twanky.
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(Malodorousness of washing hammed up on in this scene, with much holding of noses, grimaces,
etc.)
WIDW
Aladdin! Aladdin!! Aladdin!!! Where is the boy? Has anyone seen my son
Aladdin? Have any of you lot seen him?
WISH
Describe him, Mum, then they might have a clue as to whether they have seen
him.
WIDW
My Aladdin – he’s this tall, this wide and he’s got a cheeky grin – if he’s not in a
big sulk, that is. And this is my other son – Wishee Washee.
Hiya kids! And I’m never in a big sulk, and I’ve got a gorgeous smile just like
my mum.
WISH
WIDW
Naturally.
WISH
I don’t know where I got my other good looks from though.
WIDW
Get away with you, Wishee. I’ll take this washing inside the laundry and get it
into soak.
WIDOW T EXITS INTO LAUNDRY
WISH
Hiya everyone! Right, you lot, whenever I call out “Hiya everyone!” I want you
all to call back as loud as you can – “Hiya Wishee”, because that’s what happens
whenever I run into any friends here in old Peking. It’s an old Chinese custom.
Can you do that? Let’s have a practice. Hiya everyone! (AUD REPLY) Not bad,
not bad. You can be much louder. Let’s try again. Hiya everyone! (AUD
REPLY) Better, better. We’ll have one more shot at it, and I want you all to
shout as loud as you possibly can. OK – Hiya everyone! (AUD REPLY)
Brilliant! Cosmic! Wicked!
I always try to stay cheerful, especially these days, as times are hard for a lot of
people in Peking. Me and my brother, Aladdin, help our mum run this laundry.
She’s the best old soak – the best laundress in the country, but some folk can’t
afford to bring their laundry to us anymore. It’s the economic crisis, you know.
ALADDIN ENTERS THROUGH THE AUDIENCE
ALAD
Goal!
WISH
Mum’s looking for you, Aladdin
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ALAD
Why? Is lunch ready?
WISH
No! We need you to help with the laundry!
WIDOW T ENTERS
WIDW
Aladdin! You young scoundrel!
ALAD
I’ve got a football game to finish, mum.
WIDW
If you don’t come here now and give us a hand with the laundry_
ALAD
But mum_
WIDW
_ this very minute, you won’t be getting any lunch or supper or anything else
today.
ALAD
I’ll be too weak from hunger then to do anything.
WIDW
No work – no food.
ALAD
Oh mum……
WIDW
Don’t think you can soft soap me.
ALAD
But mum, I am the youngest.
WIDW
Then you’ll have twice the energy to work, won’t you. It isn’t fair that Wishee
should do your share of the work. Or me. I need time off too.
WISH
And so do I for that matter
ALAD
But, mum, you’ve had your life.
WIDW
I’ve a good mind, Aladdin Iolo Twankey, to sell off the laundry and take all the
money and find a nice new man to marry.
WISH
Steady on, mum.
ALAD
You wouldn’t?
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WIDW
Oh yes, I would.
ALAD
Oh no, you wouldn’t.
WISH
Oh yes, she would. etc.,
WIDW
How could you say such a thing to me? Had my life indeed. If only you knew the
trouble I’ve seen (Ah’s from audience) more trouble than that I can tell you (more Ah’s).
My lovely husband number one gone your father Wishee - GONE! ! Vanished in thin
air. And number 2 – (she sniffles) I only sent him out to lift a cabbage for lunch and he
(blows her nose) keeled over, (blows her nose again) right there in the cabbage patch.
WISH
What did you do?
WIDW
Opened a can of peas
WISH
Mum!
A HOODED FIGURE (EMPRESS IN DISGUISE) ENTERS WITH A SACK OF
LAUNDRY
FIG
Excuse me, is this the renowned laundry of Widow Twankey?
WIDW
Yes, my dear.
FIG
I have the royal washing for you.
WIDW
The royal washing? Thank you, my dear. You can tell the Emperor from me,
that he could do with buying himself some new underwear. We have to be
tough to be effective in our laundry methods, and his underpants are just about
hanging together – the material is very old and thin, tell him.
FIG
I will inform the Emperor directly. Thank-you.
WIDW
Don’t mention it.
FIG EXITS
WISH
Don’t you think all that underpants talk was a bit cheeky, mum?
ALAD
The Emperor beheads people for less.
WIDW
Don’t be silly. If he even mentions beheading, I shall threaten to reveal his
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underwear secrets to the world, and there are some secrets, believe me. Anyway,
he values the opinion of an experienced laundress such as moi.
GRAND VIZIER FANG AND FENG AND TOWNFOLK ENTER
VIZ
Citizens of Peking! All citizens of Peking! Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear me, the Grand
Vizier of China.
ALAD
This is it, mum, they’ve come to arrest you.
WIDW
Then I’ll name you as my accomplice.
VIZ
Citizens of Peking and loyal subjects of the Prince and Princess of China! In a
few moments the imperial family will be passing this way. In accordance with
the Imperial Laws, any person who gazes upon the face of her Royal Highness
Princess Jasmine, shall be exiled forever to the damp and inclement country of
Wales.
WISH
A fate worse than death.
VIZ
The Imperial constables will see that the letter of the Imperial Law is observed.
Fang and Feng – I leave you in charge VIZ EXITS
FANG
I am Fang
FENG
I am Feng
WISH
Let me get this right – you’re Fang and he’s Feng.
FANG
No, he is Feng.
FENG
And he is Fang. Although sometimes I wish I was called Fang, as it has a more
noble meaning than Feng, in the ancient Chinese language.
WISH
So Feng wishes he was called Fang.
WIDW
I follow it so far.
WISH
Do you Fang, wish that you were called Feng? Or are you, Fang, happy as Fang?
WIDW
Happy as Larry.
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FANG
I have the more noble name, I am happy.
FENG
(TRUNCHEON HITTING EXCHANGE) I am not that happy, Fang, with being
called Feng.
FANG
Well, Feng you are, and Feng you must stay.
FENG
Well, Fang, if I wanted to change my name by deed poll from Feng to Fang, I
would be entitled to do that, Fang.
FANFARE OFF
WIDW
Lawks a mercy, it’s the Imperials.
ALAD
The Ming Imperials!
FANG
Quickly – you must all turn away from the royal procession.
FENG
Whosoever gazes upon the fair face of Princess Jasmine, will suffer terrible exile.
WIDW
Suffer terrible what?
FENG
Exile.
WIDW
Well, I’m sure you can get some ointment for it.
WISH
Mum!
ALAD
Do you think we can’t look at the Princess because she’s got spots or something?
WIDW
It’ll be because her beauty is too great to be looked upon by humble mortals such
as ourselves.
WISH
You don’t believe that?
WIDW
You’d better believe it. Now both close your eyes and think of China.
FANG
Turn you back, humble subjects.
FENG
The Imperial family of China approaches.
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FANFARE. EMPEROR, EMPRESS, PRINCESS JASMINE, & PARADE BY.
WE SEE ALADDIN PINCH A SMALL MIRROR FROM WIDOW T AND
SURREPTITIOUSLY HOLD IT UP AS THE PRINCESS PASSES.
ALAD
Gasp!
THE PARADE EXITS WITH TOWNS FOLK
FANG
Humble subjects, may resume normality.
THEY CHASE EACH OTHER OFF
WIDW
Well, time to tackle all that laundry, or none of them will have any clean undies.
And we won’t get any money.
WISH
What’s wrong with Aladdin?
WIDW
Nothing that a spell with a mangle won’t cure.
WISH
But, mum, he’s transfixed.
WIDW
I’ll transfix him alright.
SONG NUMBER 2 - ALADDIN SINGS LOVE SONG FOR THE PRINCESS
BLACKOUT, THEN SPOT ON SOOTHSAYER
SOOTH Oh dear! Aladdin's furtive peek
Emboldens him - no doubt he'll seek
To win the heart of Jasmine fair No easy task, for if he dares
I see weird portents lie ahead
For our brave hero; let him dread
The unworldly creatures which I see
In magic visions given to me ...
EXIT SOOTHSAYER.
Sc 4 Widow Twankey’s Laundry
V 1309 Page 9
WIDOW & WISHEE BUSY WORKING, ALADDIN DAYDREAMING,
BOUNCING FOOTBALL.
WISH
Hiya Everyone!
(AUD – HIYA WISHEE!)
Great! I’m glad you’re helping out, cos Aladdin’s even less help than usual
today. I don’t know what’s got in to him, do you?
SOUND (BICYCLE BELL? WHISTLE?) – ENTER GRAND VIZIER,
FANG & FENG FOLLOWING
VIZ
It was one of those two there, constables. I saw him looking at the princess. There
POINTS TO WISHEE
Yes, that was him!
WISH
What?
ALADDIN LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE. FANG ADVANCES ON WISHEE
FANG
Punishment for looking on princess is banishment! Grab him, Feng!
WISH
Me? But I didn’t do anything!
CHASE AROUND LAUNDRY – CONSTABLES AFTER WISHEE, WIDOW
TRYING TO INTERVENE, ALADDIN KEEPING OUT OF THE WAY
WISH
Mum! Aladdin! Help!
WIDW
Get your hands off my son, he hasn’t done anything wrong!
JUST AS WISHEE IS ABOUT TO BE GRABBED, A CAMEL TROTS ON AND
COMES BETWEEN HIM AND CONSTABLES, PULLING WASHING OUT
OF MANGLE AS A BARRIER. BEFORE THEY CAN GET AT HIM,
CAMEL GIRL FROM OFF STAGE.... “Police! Help me! I have lost my precious camel!”.
CONSTABLES STOP IN TRACKS, RUSH OFF IN DIRECTION OF VOICE.
EXIT GRAND VIZIER.
V 1309 Page 10
WISH
Phew! That was close! This camel deserves a pat on the back – or should it be
backs – for saving me. But where on earth have you come from, my friend?
WIDW
Yes, don’t get the hump, but we don’t see a lot of your kind round here.
ALAD
What about that woman who shouted about her camel?
ENTER CAMEL GIRL
C GIRL I think I’ve given them the slip. Not difficult with those two – they don’t know
nothing.
WIDW
Or no Feng
C GIRL Last night they stopped two men, one drinking battery acid and the other eating
fireworks – they charged the first one and let off the other!
WID
They might as well be talking to their navels
WISH
Yes, they can just about keep those under a vest. But, (TO C GIRL) How can I
thank you for saving me from their clutches?
WIDW
Or their Fangs
CAMEL SNAPS TEETH, HISSES
ALAD
Who are you, anyway?
C GIRL I am camel girl to my master, Abanazar of Arabia. He is seeking long lost
relations in Peking, and sent me and Delilah looking for them. I followed the
royal procession, then I heard them accusing you of trying to look at that stuck
up little princess.
ALAD
Stuck up! What do you know! Nobody knows what she looks like! ASIDE TO
AUD – If only they knew! – GOES IN TO REVERIE
WIDW
She may be stuck up, but she has the finest bloomers in all Peking
HOLDS THEM UP. CAMEL TRYS TO TAKE A BITE
ALAD
Get off those!
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C GIRL Delilah, No!
WISH
Aw, don’t be hard on this magnificent beast. I’ve never seen a creature like this
before.
CAMEL BATS EYELIDS, MAKES APPRECIATIVE NOISE
C GIRL She is ship of the desert in Arabia, who finds the trail through the sands.
Abanazar thought she would lead us to the relations he seeks, for she walks like
an Egyptian
ALAD
Like a what?
C GIRL Like an Egyptian
WISH/WIDW Walks like an Egyptian....
SAND DANCE WITH CAMEL
WIDW
Alright, alright, get to the point. Who might these relations be, that your
Abergele feller is looking for?
C GIRL Why, a widow by the name of Twankey, and more especially, her son, Aladdin.
WIDW/WISH/ALADDIN
Aladdin!
WISH
Not Wishee Washee, then?
WIDW
I am Widow Twankey, and this is Aladdin. So I think you’d better introduce us
to your Abba banana.
C GIRL I will away to fetch him. Come, Delilah, say goodbye.
WISH
Goodbye! And thankyou.... but, will I see you again? Maybe I could take you for
a chop suey at the Hot Wok?
C GIRL (EXITING WITH CAMEL) Goodbye!
BLACKOUT
V 1309 Page 12
Sc 5 The Royal Palace
ENTER SOOTHSAYER and MAIDS HIDDEN LOTUS AND CROUCHING
BLOSSOM
SOOTH (To audience)
Aladdin's love's still unrequited The poor wee lad does feel quite slighted.
(To maids)
A silver coin across my palm
And I can say if future harm
Or good fortune is due to you,
The Princess Jasmine's retinue ...
The stars predict, I do behold,
A low-born youth who is yet bold
Will change the destinies of all
Within great China's mighty wall But mists obscure the timescale! And I
Thus say the modus operandi
To make and mend, for now, must be For times be hard for all of thee ...
EXIT SOOTHSAYER.
MCB
A bold young man!
MHL
Beyond his birth - to change the destinies of all!
MCB
Will it be the Grand Vizier’s son, do you think?
MHL
Hush! The princess comes!
ENTER PRINCESS
PRCSS
Oh, Crouching Blossom, Hidden Lotus – is there anything left in my royal
wardrobe that I wouldn’t be seen dead in?
MHL
See my lady, this robe is not too worn
V 1309 Page 13
MCB
We can sew up the frayed hem, madam, and no-one will ever know
PRCSS
I can’t believe I have to wear these tattered garments - I, who was raised as a
princess of the royal blood, having to mend and patch my clothing!
MCB
Well it’s not as if you have to actually do the darning yourself, highness
PRCSS
Crouching Blossom! I could have your darning thumbs screwed for your
insolence!
MCB
No, my Princess! It was Hidden Lotus’ idea, after all!
PRCSS
Oh! (STAMPING FOOT) I can’t abide this secretive hiding of our poverty! I was
not destined for this! Oh, woe is me!
MCB/MHL
PRCSS
Aw! (ENCOURAGE AUD – Aw!)
Enough! (TO AUD) It can be thumbscrews for you lot as well, you know!
(MAIDS EXCHANGE FEARFUL GLANCES) Guards!
ENTER TWO GUARDS
PRCSS
At least I have some loyal retainers
GRDS
Ha!
PRCSS
So mind your manners, you two, (TO AUD) – and you lot - or I can have you all
put to the sword!
GRDS
Ha!
MCB
Don’t worry, Madam, the Soothsayer has said
MHL
Your beauteous nature will capture the heart of a bold...
MCB
And rich!
MHL
Young man, who will save the royal fortunes
MCB
(TO AUD) and ours!
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PRCSS
A bold young man...?
ENTER GRAND VIZIER
VIZ
Highness. Your beauteousness...
OVER-ELABORATE BOW. MAIDS AND PRINCESS BOW IN RETURN
PRCSS
And you are....?
VIZ
The Grand Vizier, Madam (BOWS)
PRCSS
Ah, so, I remember now (PRCSS & MAIDS BOW)
VIZ
Eternally grateful, Highness, to be in your remembrance (BOWS)
MAIDS BOW, PRINCESS JUST ABOUT TO BOW...
PRCSS
Yes, well, that’s quite enough of that – what do you want?
VIZ
A miscreant, Princess, is accused of taking sight of your beauteous presence
GRDS
Ha!
PRCSS
When was this? (ASIDE, TO MAIDS – “what was I wearing? – THEY SHRUG)
VIZ
Yesternight, Highness, as you passed along Street of a Thousand Scrubbers, a
local youth was bold enough to look upon your beauteous visage
GRDS
Ha!
MCB
Bold !
PRCSS
And?
VIZ
Be assured, most gracious princess, I have made every effort to apprehend this
youth
PRCSS
Every effort. So you have him in irons, then?
V 1309 Page 15
VIZ
Most nearly, Highness
PRCSS
Nearly?
VIZ
If it were not for the camel...
MCB/MHL/PRCSS
Camel??
VIZ
You are not in danger, Princess! I guard -
GRDS
He?
VIZ
We, guard you with our lives. And Imperial Constables are tracking him down
even now
PRCSS
Really? Well, he must be very bold, to have escaped the Imperial Constables.
MCB
Yes, Bold!
MHL
Beyond his birth!
VIZ
Come, guards, we go now to apprehend this miscreant for her Highness’ greater
protection!
GRDS
Ha!
EXIT GD VIZ, GUARDS
PRCSS
Well I look forward to seeing this other bold young man...(MAIDS NOD,
ENCOURAGINGLY). But for now, let us retire to make the best of our fraying
hems....
EXIT PRINCESSS, MAIDS
Sc 6 Widow Twankey’s Laundry
WIDOW & WISHEE WORKING, ALADDIN KICKING A FOOTBALL
WISH
Hiya, everyone! (AUD – Hiya Wishee!). Hey, have you heard the latest? I heard a
rumour Cadbury’s are bringing out a new oriental chocolate bar (shrugs) – it
V 1309 Page 16
could be a Chinese Wispa. (sorting through some laundry) Eurgh, what’s this?
Its brown and sticky....
WID
(Waving stick like object – washing tongs, posser?) A stick? (Prods Wishee)
You’ll be getting more stick if you don’t crack on, lad.
WISH
(To aud) Yes, I’d love to stop and chat, but we’re working hard to get the royal
washing ready. Well some of us are (LOOKS POINTEDLY AT ALADDIN)
ALAD
(BOUNCING BALL) She loves me, she loves me not...
ENTER HOODED FIGURE WITH BUNDLE
FIG
Is the royal washing ready?
WIDW
Yes dear, here it is. And is this some more for me, is it?
FIG
Clean this with special care, the hem has been turned, and we need it quickly.
WIDW
Oh, yes, well, needs must, and Aladdin can bring it back to you tomorrow, can’t
you, Aladdin? Aladdin – do you hear me?
FIG BOWS, EXITS.
ABNZR BOOMING VOICE OFF – “Aladdin, Aladdin did I hear?”
ENTER ABANAZAR
ABNZR Aladdin! Where are you, my boy? For I have travelled many miles by magic
carpet to lay eyes on you!
WIDW
Magic carpet? I heard about the magic tractor – it turned in to a field - but never
a carpet. So Mr Abbey National, you would be then, would you?
ABNZR Abanazar is my name.
WISH
Is your camel girl with you?
ABNZR Camel will be along in a moment, but you don’t seem to realise I have serious
business with this (GRABS ALADDIN BY THE ARM) young Nephew of mine.
V 1309 Page 17
ALAD
(SHAKING HIS ARM FREE) Nephew! I never had an Uncle that I knew about.
What’s he on about, Mum?
WIDW
Wait! Let’s hear him out!
ABNZR Yes, your mother knows that her first husband, Iolo Wyn Jones…
WIDW
Wherever he is!
ABNZR ....hailed from the magical valleys of Wales, but perhaps she does not know
about his long lost brother.
WIDW
I know there were a lot of that family, but I never could keep up with the
Joneses.
WISH
Wishee Washee Jones just doesn’t sound right. I want to stay a Twankey.
WIDW
My second husband Changpu Twankey, God rest his soul, treated you like his
own sons, you can be proud to use his name. Not like that disappearing act of a
first husband, Iolo.
ALAD
(SHAPING UP TO MAKE RUGBY PASS WITH BALL) Aladdin Twankey Jones
sounds good, though, dunnit?
WIDW
(TO ABANAZER) Jones of Arabia, would you be then?
ABNZR Stepbrother to the erstwhile Iolo Wyn Jones of your espousal, Madam - my full
title is Abanazar Ben Abu Pendragon.
WISH
What about your camel girl, is she of welsh ancestry, too?
ABNZR No! She is not party to the secret knowledge, enscripted in the old language,
which only those of welsh descent should learn.
WIDW
Tell me more
ALAD
Yes, where do I come in to this?
WISH
Not me, then.
V 1309 Page 18
ABNZR Do you want to learn how to win your fortune, gain riches more than a Prince
could dream of?
ALAD
a Prince....? For sure, I am all ears.
ALADDIN, WIDOW T & WISHEE SETTLE TO LISTEN
ABNZR In China there are many dragons, mythical beasts of fortune and power, but
there is one, a red dragon from the old country, who guards a treasure greater
than any Emperor’s
ALAD
I like the sound of this
WIDW/WISH Sshh!
ABNZR How she came to be here, no-one knows, but she sleeps, sealed inside her cave
with her jewels and treasures for a thousand years.... unless...
ALAD/WIDW/WISH
Yes?
ABNZR An ancient text, a previously unreleased postscript to the Mabinogion, has come
in to my hands. It tells that a second son of a second son of a Jones of Llanarmon
yn Ial is the only one who can open the cave and find the trove of treasure.
WISH
Not me, then.
ABNZR If you will come with me, Aladdin, and do my bidding, you will win your heart’s
delight.
WIDW
Full of Eastern Promise, aren’t you.
ALAD
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have been told that I bear a resemblance to a
famous celebrity if you narrow your eyes..
WISH
but if you do – that would be racist
ALAD
I will go with you, Uncle, and find the riches I need to win the Princess!
WIDW/WISH The Princess?!
WISH
(TO AUD) He’s really lost it now
V 1309 Page 19
ABNZR Yes! Even a Princess is not beyond your reach if you follow my command! You
can put your lowly impoverishment in the dim distance of your retrospective
history
ALAD
Eh?
WISH
Behind you!
ABNZR Come, let us away to the legendary cave, without delay!
WIDW
Hang on a minute. Aladdin’s got some clean laundry to deliver first
WISH
And I thought you said your camel (TO AUD - and camel girl) would be along in
a moment?
ABNZR Oh, very well... Delilah!
ENTER CAMEL AND CAMEL GIRL
ABNZR We will make more haste, with this ship of the desert to guide us
WIDW
And with my washing (LOADING BUNDLE ON TO CAMEL) – off you go, and
don’t dawdle, we promised that laundry would be returned to the palace this
afternoon.
ALAD
That’s all you care about, isn’t it? What about my bold adventure to bring us
riches and treasure?
WIDW
Well we’ll see if you’re bold as brass when we see if you bring home any brass,
won’t we? And don’t be gone long, because there’s lots of work to be done.
WISH
Yes, and I might have better things to do myself, you know (TURNS TO CAMEL
GIRL). I’ll walk with you and Delilah, to show you the way to the palace – I’m
sure Aladdin will be too busy hearing about caves and dragons from his Uncle
Abergavenny. Come on, (EXITING, LEADING CAMEL GIRL AND CAMEL) we
can go past the lake and pagoda.... it’s quite romantic there...
WIDW
Well, get along you two as well – some of us have work to do
EXIT ABANAZAR, BECKONING ALADDIN
V 1309 Page 20
ALAD
Wish me luck, mother?
WIDW
Yes, yes, good luck, Son, see you later.
ALAD
Welai chi
EXIT ALADDIN
WIDW
Welai chi – where did that pop up from? Hmmn, maybe there’s something in
what old Aberdovey says, eh? Now where’s that next lot of washing – I thought I
told old Mr Dingbang to drop his dirty drawers here. Better go look for them I
suppose.
EXIT WIDOW TWANKEY
SONG 3
Sc 7 Approach to the Cave
ALADDIN ABANAZER FOLLOWED BY CAMEL AND CAMEL GIRL ENTERING
THROUGH AUDIENCE.
SOOTH Our party's trekked two days and nights
To reach the cave among the heights
Of Old Peking. Aladdin's sore His feet can't take it any more...
ABNZR Oh do stop your whining Aladdin; You’re making a mountain out of a Moel hill.
I’m doing nothing more than bringing you to great fortune (as aside to AUD and
rubbing hands in glee “my fortune once that lamp is mine and Aladdin is locked
in the cave”) and all you can do is complain about how sore your feet are. If
you’d put proper shoes on instead of wearing your football boots we’d have
been here a lot sooner.
THEY WALK A BIT FURTHER TOWARDS STAGE. SUDDENLY…:
ABNZR STOP! I do believe we’re here….hmmmm…yes…. this is the spot, I’m sure of
it….the mound overlooking the third hill of Old Peking with the Almond tree at
the top. THEY HAVE REACHED THE STAGE I wonder where the entrance is.
Can anyone see a way into the cave?
CAMEL GIRL AND CAMEL STAY IN AUDIENCE. ALADDIN SITS DOWN AT THE
FOOT OF THE ALMOND TREE RIGHT INFRONT OF A SIGN SAYING CAVE
V 1309 Page 21
ENTRANCE. ALADDIN IS OBLIVIOUS OF THE SIGN, TAKES OFF HIS BOOTS AND
RUBS HIS FEET. AS HE’S PUTTING HIS BOOTS BACK ON ABANAZAR IS STILL
SEARCHING FOR THE CAVE ENTRANCE.
ABNZR Can anyone see a way into the cave?
SIGN LIGHTS UP AND FLASHES TO GET AUDIENCE ATTENTION
AUD
It’s behind you
ABNZR Where?
AUD
Behind you!
ABNZR Oh so it is, come on Aladdin in you go.
ALAD
What??? You want me to go in there all on my own? Aren’t you coming with me
Uncle? I mean, it is you that wants the lamp, after all.
ABNZR Well (Coughs)….UM…..you see Aladdin, it’s like this…..do you remember me
saying there was a sleeping red dragon guarding the treasure? Well… you see
when she’s awake she’s actually quite a large fire-breathing dragon and I’m
…..er….allergic to dragons, yes that’s it I’m allergic to dragons. So you see, you
need to go down there alone. Now hop in, fill your pockets with treasure and
bring me the oil lamp – easy.
ABANAZER SHOOS ALADDIN GENTLY BUT FORCIBLY TOWARDS THE
TRAPDOOR
ALAD
Woah! Hang on just a minute…A dragon???!!!
ABANR Yes, now get along and find your fortune Aladdin, we don’t have all day boy
ALAD
Oh well no, we don’t have all day I’ll just go in there where there’s a (LOUDLY)
FIRE BREATHING DRAGON!!!!
ABNZR (To AUD) hmmm I can see he’s not as daft as he looks. This isn’t going to be as
easy as I thought.
(To ALAD) Oh look if you’re going to make a fuss about it I suppose I could give
you this ring to protect you. BUT Aladdin you must promise me you will find
the lamp and bring it straight to me if I give you this ring. Do you promise?
V 1309 Page 22
ALAD
Well I’m not going in there without protection so yes Uncle I promise to bring
the lamp to you.
ABNZR Very well, here take this ring it is full of magical powers to whosoever wears it
and calls for assistance.
ALADDIN TAKES THE RING FROM ABANAZAR
ALAD
Hmmm…I suppose I feel a bit better now I have something to protect me, are
you sure it’ll work? It just looks like a ring to me.
ALADDIN LOOKS AT THE RING NOT BELIEVING IT CAN DO
ANYTHING TO PROTECT HIM FROM THE DRAGON
ABNZR Absolutely! Now do I have to tell you again Aladdin – Treasure! Lamp! Go!
ALADDIN STARTS TOWARDS THE CAVE ENTRANCE BUT STOPS AND
TURNS TO FACE ABANAZAR; ABANAZER LOOKS DESPAIRINGLY AT
ALADDIN AND THROWS HIS ARMS OUT IN QUESTION
ALAD
Tell me again Uncle why only I can open the door
ABNZR (Sighs despairingly) Because the cosmic powers-that-be have decreed that
Aladdin, son of “Hello” the Milk from a land many, many miles away is the only
person who can open the door with the magic words. You are Aladdin son of
“Yellow” the Milk are you not?
ALAD
Well I am a son and I think Mum said my father was called Iolo and we did
drink lots of milk when he was around. I will try and open the door to my
fortune so I can marry the Princess Jasmine.
ALADDIN WALKS TO THE DOOR AND PULLS WITH ALL HIS MIGHT.
THE DOOR STAYS FIRMLY SHUT
ABNZR Say the magic words Aladdin
ALAD
I don’t know any magic words apart from Open Sesame and that’s just nonsense
my father told us in fairy stories
V 1309 Page 23
ALADDIN STARTS AS THE DOOR SEEMS TO MOVE A LITTLE AND HE
PULLS HARD ON THE RING. THE DOOR STAYS SHUT.
ABNZR Say it again….say Open Sesame again and really pull hard on the door as you
say it.
ALADDIN KEEPS SAYING OPEN SESAME AND PULLING THE DOOR
UNTIL HE’S PUFFED OUT WITH TRYING. HE SITS BACK EXHAUSTED.
ALAD
Wedi blino (Welsh for tired)
THE TRAPDOOR BEGINS TO GLOW. ABANAZAR LOOKS AT ALADDIN
WHO LOOKS PONDEROUS
ALAD
I wonder…
ABNZR Yes? What is it?
ALADDIN LOOKS AT THE TRAPDOOR AND TAKES HOLD OF THE RING
TIGHTLY. AS HE SAYS THE FOLLOWING HE PULLS WITH ALL HIS
MIGHT
ALAD
Sesame Agored!
THE SPELL IS BROKEN, THE DOOR RELEASES AND ALADDIN FALLS
BACK LANDING FIRMLY ON HIS BUM/BACK STILL HOLDING THE
DOOR IN HIS HAND
ABNZR Hurry! Now the spell is broken you won’t have long before the entrance will
reseal itself. Go and find the lamp and bring it to me. Hurry!
ALADDIN GETS UP AND BRUSHES HIMSELF DOWN, HE’S TITTERING
TO HIMSELF
ALAD
I always thought my father was just teasing us all with his talk of magic.
LIGHTS DIM AS ALADDIN ENTERS THE CAVE.
V 1309 Page 24
SOOTH Aladdin’s now within the cave:
There may be consequences grave,
For some say it’s Myfanwy’s lair –
A creature strange. She lives in there,
The jealous guard of precious treasures –
Let’s hope Aladdin’s got the measure
Of her, and that he can get
The magic lamp he’s not got yet…
Sc 8 The Cave
ALAD
Oh my goodness me this place is sooo dark and c c c cold. I hope there aren’t
any spiders down here.
A LARGE HAIRY SPIDER IS LOWERED BY FISHING ROD CONTRAPTION
OR SIMILAR AND RUFFLES ALADDIN’S HAIR
ALAD
Urgh! What was that?
ALADDIN TURNS AND SEES THE OUTLINE OF THE SPIDER, PANICS
AND RUNS BACK TOWARDS THE CAVE ENTRANCE
ALAD
(SHOUTS) Uncle! Uncle! I can’t do this, have you seen the size of the spiders?
They’re big enough to spin a new pair of underpants for the Emperor all by
themselves!
ABNZR Get back in that cave boy and bring me the oil lamp like you promised. I don’t
care how big the spiders are… or whose underpants they could spin… (ASIDE
TO AUD) the spiders are nothing compared to the dragon hiding in that den.
ABANAZAR PUSHES ALADDIN BACK INTO THE CAVE
ALADDIN MAKES HIS WAY GINGERLY DOWN INTO THE CAVE, WHITE
AND YELLOW LIGHTS BEGIN TO TWINKLE IN THE DARK
ALAD
Oh I don’t like this one bit…and why did I keep my football boots on? The only
goal I’ll score down here is to get that stupid lamp for my uncle and be out of
here as fast as Giggsy running down the wing for Wales….
IN A KIND OF DAYDREAM ALADDIN “SHOOTS” FOR GOAL SAYING IN
A CELEBRATORY MANNER
V 1309 Page 25
ALAD
He shoots, he scores!
ALADDIN THEN CATCHES SIGHT OF THE TWINKLING ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE CAVE AND TIPTOES OVER TO SEE WHAT THEY ARE
ALAD
I wonder what all those lights are. They look like the eyes of animals…I hope it’s
not true about the red dragon. (Shakes head) Don’t think about it Aladdin, just
get that old lamp and be out of here.
AS ALADDIN REACHES THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAVE HE GASPS
LOUDLY. INFRONT OF HIM HE REALISES THE TWINKLING LIGHTS
ARE JEWELS, MOUNTAINS OF JEWELS, GOLD COINS AND TRINKETS.
HE STARTS TO FILL HIS POCKETS WITH TREASURE.
ABNZR (Shouting OFF) Have you got the lamp yet Aladdin?
ALAD
Not yet Uncle there’s so much gold and treasure I can’t see any lam….oh wait a
minute here it is. Are you sure this is all you want? It looks a bit rusty to me. I
can bring you some jewels too if you like?
ABANAZAR RUBS HIS HANDS IN GLEE
ABNZR You’ve got it? Good boy, bring it here, bring it here boy quickly.
ALAD
I’m just getting some of the treasure, sure you don’t want some?
ABNZR (SHOUTS) BRING ME THE LAMP – NOW! Remember your promise to me
Aladdin when you took my ring….you promised to bring the lamp to me - I
want that lamp NOW! (more kindly) you can go back and get some more
treasure to make your riches and fortune, bring me the lamp.
ALADDIN FILLS HIS POCKETS WITH ONE MORE HANDFUL EACH AND
THEN MAKES HIS WAY BACK TO THE CAVE ENTRANCE MOODILY,
MUTTERING TO HIMSELF. BEFORE HE GETS TO THE ENTRANCE
THOUGH THERE’S A MIGHT CRASH AS THE TRAPDOOR CLOSES AND
BLOCKS HIS WAY OUT. ALADDIN GASPS LOUDLY. ABANAZAR LOOKS
AT THE DOOR IN UTTER DISBELIEF
ABNZR Aladdin? Aladdin! Open the door.
V 1309 Page 26
ALAD
(Shouts) Sesame Agored! SESAME AGORED! It’s no use Uncle it won’t open.
I’m going to die down here all alone (sobs)
ABNZR Don’t be silly Aladdin there’s always Myfanwy Jones the Dragon whose den you
are in to make friends with….Good Luck! Damn and blast – I was so close to
getting that lamp. Now I’ll have to think of another way to get my hands on it.
Aladdin has the ring and the lamp, at least he doesn’t know how to use either of
them. Come Camel girl we’re heading back to Old Peking so I can plot my
revenge. THEY EXIT
SOOTH Our hero's trapped behind the door
For three full days now (nearly four) His greed's to blame. I wonder what
Will save him - will the wizard plot
To get him out, the lamp to win?
Will he for ever be trapped in?
RETURN TO ALADDIN IN THE CAVE BORED WITLESS, SITTING ON THE
TREASURE, BACK /SIDE TO AUDIENCE, HUNGRY AND IDLY PLAYING
WITH THE RING ABANAZAR HAD LENT HIM – LAMP IS ON OTHER
SIDE OF CAVE TO ALADDIN
ALAD
How am I ever going to get out of here?
ALADDIN SITS UP SUDDENLY ON HEARING CHEERY SINGING
COMING FROM BEHIND HIM. ENTER MYFANWY (Welsh for precious
treasure)
MYFA
SINGING TO HERSELF Hi diddle dee dee a Dragon’s life for me ETC
DRAGON CONTINUES HUMMING SONG UNTIL SEES ALADDIN
ALAD
Where’s that singing coming from?
AUD
BEHIND YOU!
ALAD
Where?
AUD
BEHIND YOU!
ALADDIN TURNS ROUND AND SEES THE DRAGON, SCREAMS AND
V 1309 Page 27
STANDS IN FEAR AS THE DRAGON GETS CLOSER
MYFA
Who the Crispy Duck are you? And what are you doing in my den? Stealing
gold and jewels I suppose?
ALAD
I…er…I…I’m Aladdin and I came down here to find a lamp for my Uncle
MYFA
And how did you get into my den?
ALAD
Well I used the magic words
MYFA
Most people try Open Sesame! But of course that doesn’t work. So how do you
know the magic words Aladdin?
ALAD
My father, he told them as part of fairy stories from far off lands. Anyway who
are you?
MYFA
I’m Myfanwy Jones from Wales
ALAD
Wales? Did you get banished for gazing at Princess Jasmine? She’s lovely
(daydreamily)
MYFA
No! Why would I a Dragon get banished? I’ve just come back from visiting my
brother Peter Jones, he’s part of a famous Dragon’s Den, don’t you know.
ALAD
Well for a dragon you don’t seem bothered that I’m in your cave, aren’t you mad
with me for being here?
MYFA
Of course I am, nothing happens for a thousand years, I nip out to visit relatives
and you pop up here stealing my precious treasure, for which I’ll have to eat
you, but first I need a paned, like one?
ALADDIN LOOKS PUZZLED AND SHAKES HIS HEAD
ALAD
No thanks I’ll just sit here and dream of my lost princess. I’ve nothing else to
live for now I’m stuck in here and she’s miles away in Old Peking.
ALADDIN SITS DOWN DEJECTEDLY. MYFANWY GOES OFF TO MAKE A
CUP OF TEA. ALADDIN PLAYS IDLY WITH THE RING.
V 1309 Page 28
ALAD
I wish I could get out of here before the Dragon kills me.
THERE IS A PUFF OF SMOKE AND THE GENIE OF THE RING APPEARS
GEN R
Good evening, O great Master Abana….hang on a minute you’re not Abanazar!
Pray tell me please who commands me hither?
ALADDIN STARES UNBELIEVINGLY AT THE GENIE, DUMBSTRUCK,
THE GENIE SNAPS HER FINGERS TO BRING ALADDIN ROUND
ALAD
I am Aladdin! How did you get here?
GEN R
Aladdin!!! Well I’ll be. Aladdin, I am Genie of the Ring and I do the bidding of
whosoever calls upon me, but mind, I do like manners.
ALADDIN SITS UP, LOOKS BEHIND HIM TO SEE WHETHER MYFANWY
IS MAKING HER WAY BACK YET, SHE’S NOWHERE TO BE SEEN SO
ALADDIN DECIDES TO TRY OUT THE GENIE OF THE RING
ALAD
Genie, I’d like to know why Abanazar wants that old lamp, please can you tell
me?
GEN R
The possessor will be brought immense fortune.
ALADDIN SCRAMBLES ACROSS THE CAVE AND GETS HOLD OF THE
LAMP
ALAD
Genie, please take me home to the laundry, before I get eaten by Myfanwy.
GEN R
Your wish is my command O great Aladdin.
ALADDIN HOLDING TIGHTLY TO THE LAMP AND THE GENIE
DISAPPEAR IN A PUFF OF SMOKE JUST AS WE HEAR MYFANWY
COMING BACK WITH HER CUP OF TEA. SHE’S SINGING HI DIDDLE
DEE DEE AGAIN
MYFA
Hi diddle dee dee a dragons life for me, hi diddle dee dee roast dinner for my
tea. Pfoof! Where’s all this smoke come from? (Loudly) And where’s my
dinner, I mean Aladdin?
V 1309 Page 29
MYFANWY STARTS BREATHING SMOKE, THEN FIRE AND ROARS
LOUDLY AS SHE REALISES HER SUCCULENT DINNER HAS
DISAPPEARED
MYFA
But I wanted a lovely Sunday roast!!! Now I guess it’s beans on toast.
SCENE ENDS WITH MYFANWY ROARING LOUDLY AND BREATHING
FIRE
SONG 3 REPRISE – here
Sc 9 Widow Twankey’s Laundry
SOOTH Aladdin's jaunt left Widow Twankey
With a gross of dirty hankies
Left to wash - and other stuff
To clean and dry. There weren't enough
Hours in the day to get it done.
Oh how she misses her dear son!
SONG 3 REPRISE – or here
WISH
Hiya everyone!
AUD
Hiya Wishee
WISH
Oh I am so tired. I haven’t slept for days now, not since Aladdin went off with
my Uncle Abanazar to find the treasure. It’s alright for him going on a Great
Adventure to find his fortune while I have to stay at home and do all this
washing
ENTER WIDOW T
WIDW
Wishee who are you talking to? I told you we have to get all this washing done
before we get paid and we’re running out of washing powder. I’ve got no
money to buy more. Oh dear. If only Aladdin was here to help instead of
swanning around enjoying himself.
WISH
I am doing my best Mum. It’s just that there is so much of it and I am so tired, I
don’t know if I’m coming or going.
WIDW
Well you’ll just have to work harder, because it’s not going to clean itself.
V 1309 Page 30
SOUNDS OF A COMMOTION OUTSIDE AS THE CAMEL RUNS INTO THE
LAUNDRY COVERED IN CLOTHES FROM THE WASHING LINES
WISH
Hello Delilah. What are you doing here? Where’s Aladdin? Where’s your
owner?
ENTER CAMEL GIRL; WISHEES EYES LIGHT UP
C GIRL Hello Wishee. Hello Mrs Twankey.
WIDW
Never mind that, where’s my Aladdin?
C GIRL Oh it’s terrible Mrs Twankey. My master and Aladdin found the cave with
treasure in, but Aladdin got stuck inside and we couldn’t get him out.
WISH
Then where is my Uncle Abanazar?
C GIRL I don’t know. He was really angry about Aladdin getting trapped and when we
got back to town he said he had some business to attend to. He wasn’t even
going to bother telling you two so I thought I’d better.
WIDW
Well, I never did like that Amber Nectar or whatever his name is. I should never
have let Aladdin go off with him. He might be a lazy, good-for-nothing dreamer,
but he’s my boy and I love him.
THE LAUNDRY IS HIT BY A TERRIBLE RUMBLING AND TREMBLING
LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE AND FROM A CLOUD OF SMOKE APPEARS
ALADDIN
WIDW
Where have you been? Gone for days without even a word. No postcard…
ALAD
But Mu…
WIDW
You don’t even phone…
ALAD
What’s a phone?
WIDW
Don’t you backchat me. Your brother’s been working day and night to cover for
you while you’ve been off gallivanting. Then when you do decide to pitch up,
V 1309 Page 31
you let off a smoke bomb and dirty all this clean washing; well you can jolly well
wash it all again yourself.
ALAD
But Mum! I was trapped in a cave for days and I only escaped thanks to the
Genie of the Ring who magicked me back here.
WISH
Magicked? Is that a real word?
ALAD
I don’t know, probably, but that’s not all; I’ve got lots of gold and jewels I found
in the cave.
ALADDIN STARTS EMPTYING HIS POCKETS ONTO THE FLOOR
WISH
Look Mum. Look! We’re rich. We can buy some more washing powder.
WIDW
Yes! Yes we can and more besides. Is that all of it Aladdin? You haven’t hidden
any of it away have you? We share in this family.
ALAD
No, that’s everything Mum. There’s just this old lamp that Uncle Abanazar
wanted.
WIDW
An old lamp?
WIDOW T PICKS UP THE LAMP LOOKING AT IT SUSPICIOUSLY
WIDW
What would Avabanana want with that old piece of tat?
C GIRL My master was most upset about not getting the lamp; he seems to think it is
very important.
WIDW
An old lamp… what was he going to do with it? Take it on Antiques Roadshow?
ALAD/WISH What’s Antiques Roadshow?
WIDW
It might be valuable. Aladdin get an old rag and give it a polish.
ALADDIN GETS A RAG AND POLISHES THE LAMP. WITH A PUFF OF
SMOKE THE GENIE OF THE LAMP APPEARS
GENIE
Thou hast invoked me: I am the Genie of the Lamp which is in thy hand. What is
V 1309 Page 32
thy heart’s desire?
ALAD
Oh that’s easy…I wish I lived in a sumptuous palace with riches beyond my
wildest dreams, which would enable me to win the hand in marriage of the
Princess Jasmine.
GENIE
Your wish is my command.
GENIE OF THE LAMP CLAPS HIS HANDS AND WITH A PUFF OF SMOKE
OR WHATEVER THE GENIE AND ALADDIN DISAPPEAR LEAVING
WISHEE, CAMEL GIRL, DELILAH AND WIDOW T STANDING LOOK
BEMUSED
WIDW
More jiggery pokery! My heart can’t stand much more of this.
WISH
Never mind that Mum, where’s Aladdin? He’s disappeared again.
WIDW
Aladdin… (SHOUTS) ALADDIN! Where has he got to? Bloomin’ typical! He’s
back for 2 seconds and he’s off again leaving us, as usual, to clean up his mess. I
swear I am going to swing for him.
WISH
But Mum, we don’t have to. What about all the treasure Aladdin gave you? We
can pay someone to do the washing and ironing now.
WIDW
Ooh, what a good idea Wishee. Isn’t your brother a good lad to help us like that.
Oh well since that’s sorted I am off for a nap all this excitement has fair tired me
out.
WIDOW T EXITS LEAVING WISHEE AND CAMEL GIRL STARING
LONGINGLY AT EACH OTHER. DELILAH PUSHES WISHEE TOWARDS
CAMEL GIRL WITH HER BACKSIDE AND HE STUMBLES INTO HER.
WISH
Oh…errr..I am sorry about that, I must’ve tripped.
C GIRL Oh that’s alright, Wishee, accidents happen.
WISH
Er…but…um… I don’t even know your name…?
C GIRL It’s Cameline
V 1309 Page 33
WISH
What a lovely name. Anyway, I feel hungry, do you fancy a Chinese?
CAME
I think I’m beginning to….
EXIT WISHEE & CAMELINE AND DELILAH
Sc 10
Emperor’s palace
EMPEROR AND EMPRESS ARE SITTING ON THEIR THRONES
BEMOANING THEIR LOT
EMP
Oh my dear wife, what am I going to do? The Royal Treasury is empty; I don’t
even have enough money to pay Mrs Twankey for our laundry bills.
EMPRS Don’t worry husband, things will get better, they always do.
EMP
But when my love? We have only the clothes we stand up in and they are falling
apart. Not only that but they smell to high heaven.
EMPRS There, there husband, don’t fret so.
EMP
Don’t fret so! Don’t fret so! (Emperor getting agitated) We have no money and I
need to find a Suitor for our beautiful daughter Jasmine.
EMPRS But surely she is betrothed to the Grand Vizier’s son, Mu-Ning.
EMP
Yes that is so, but the Grand Vizier will expect a huge dowry from me and where
am I supposed to find that? If only a wealthy suitor would appear to solve our
problems.
GRAND VIZIER ENTERS THRONE ROOM
VIZ
Your Highness, a stranger has come to the palace requesting an audience with
you.
EMP
Who is he?
VIZ
He didn’t say your Highness, but he asked me to give you this as a token of his
respect.
V 1309 Page 34
THE GRAND VIZIER PRESENTS A SMALL CHEST TO THE EMPEROR
WHO OPENS IT TO FIND TO HIS AMAZEMENT IT IS FULL OF JEWELS
EMP
Show this man in immediately.
THE GRAND VIZIER CLAPS HIS HANDS AND ALADDIN IS ESCORTED
INTO THE THRONE ROOM BY THE PALACE GUARDS. ALADDIN IS
CLAD IN FINE CLOTHES, GOLD AND JEWELS
GRDS
Ha!
ALAD
Your Highness (Bows respectfully)
EMP
We thank you for your gift noble stranger. What brings you to our palace?
ALAD
Your Highnesses forgive me for being so forthright, but the beauty of your
daughter, the Princess Jasmine, is known throughout the land and I have come to
you to claim her hand in marriage.
EMP
A bold request, what would you expect as her dowry?
ALAD
Nothing Your Highness. I have more wealth than I could ever spend and
although it is unusual I would be prepared to pay you a dowry of 10 Talents of
gold.
THE EMPEROR LOOKS AT HIS WIFE WHO NODS HER HEAD IN
AGREEMENT
EMP
I agree to your proposal on the condition that my daughter agrees. You shall
wait here while the Princess is told of the situation and if she so wishes she will
be brought to meet you.
VIZ
But Your Highness, the Princess Jasmine has been promised to Mu-Ning, my
son. You cannot offer her…
EMP
Enough! Your Emperor has spoken.
VIZ
Yes, Your Highness (bowing low)
EMPEROR, EMPRESS, GRAND VIZIER AND GUARDS LEAVE ALADDIN
V 1309 Page 35
ALONE IN THE THRONE ROOM
ALAD
He shoots….he scores!
PALACE GUARDS ENTER THRONE ROOM
GRDS
Ha! Her Royal Highness the Princess Jasmine…
ENTER PRINCESS JASMINE WITH HAND MAIDS, PRINCESS TURNS TO
PALACE GUARDS
PRCSS
You are excused.
GRDS
Ha!
EXIT PALACE GUARDS. PRINCESS LOOKS ALADDIN UP AND DOWN
AND TURNS TO HAND MAIDS
PRCSS
Well I suppose he looks handsome enough
MCB
Yes and look at all his jewellery; he must be worth a fortune!
MHL
Yes and he must be very bold if he persuaded your father to let you marry him!
PRINCESS JASMINE LOOKS THOUGHTFULLY AT ALADDIN
PRCSS
Greetings bold stranger. What is your name and where do you hail from?
ALAD
My name is Aladdin and I come from not far from here.
PRCSS
But surely if you are from nearby I would have met you before. My father has
introduced me to all the local young men of means.
ALAD
You will not have met me before Your Highness. My family is not wealthy, but
once I had seen how beautiful you are I vowed to find fortune and win your
hand in marriage.
MCB
It is fortune Your Majesty
MHL
It is written in the stars Your Highness
V 1309 Page 36
PRCSS
“Fortune” “Written in the stars” Who can argue with that? Very well bold
Aladdin I accept your proposal
ALAD
You won’t regret it my Princess. I promise we shall live happily ever after.
ALADDIN AND PRINCESS EMBRACE AND EXIT STAGE DARKENS
GRAND VIZIER IS PACING TO AND FRO MUTTERING
VIZ
It’s an outrage! The Princess was promised to my son and now she is to be
married to a stranger. It’s not right. It’s a travesty. It’s a mockery, in fact it’s a
mockery of a travesty, oh woe, oh woe is me. What can I do?
HOOD (OFF) Psst! Psst!
VIZ
What? Who’s there?
HOODED FIGURE EMERGES AND REVEALS HIMSELF AS ABANAZAR
ABNZR My name is Abanazar and I too have been done out of what is rightfully mine by
this upstart Aladdin.
VIZ
But what can we do about it?
ABNZR There is much we can do, but I will need your help
VIZ
I will gladly give it if I can have my revenge
ABNZR Oh you will have your revenge and more. Aladdin’s new found wealth will
soon by ours. Come, I have a cunning and dastardly plan.
ABANAZAR AND THE GRAND VIZIER HUDDLE TOGETHER WHILE THE PLAN IS
EXPLAINED, CHUCKLING TOGETHER, THEN LAUGHING UNTIL THEY
ARE BOTH TRYING TO OUTDO EACH OTHER IN EVIL LAUGHTER.
LX DIM
END OF ACT ONE
V 1309 Page 37
ALADDIN & HIS WONDERFUL
LAMP – ACT TWO
Sc 11 Palace Gardens
SOOTH What evil plot has been thought up
By Abanazer and the corrupt
Grand Vizier to spoil this scene
Of happiness as fair Jasmine
Relaxes in the garden fair,
Maids weaving tresses in her hair.
But don't forget, Aladdin's saved
The mystic lamp the wizard craves.
That magic ring, too, he has got:
Which all amounts to quite a lot ...
PRCSS
Oh isn’t it a lovely day. It’s so nice to be out in the fresh air enjoying the orange
blossoms
MCB
Yes m’lady?
PRCSS
No! I wasn’t calling for you Crouching Blossom I was just saying how nice the
Orange Blossom is and how lovely it is we’ve this short hiatus.
MHL
Yes m’lady?
PRCSS
Oh not you as well Hidden Lotus – what’s wrong with the pair of you today? I
was simply saying how glorious it is to be outside in the garden: no Aladdin, no
guards and no Grand Vizier or his son, Mu-Ning (Bore – ing more like) to drone
on about their charity this and charity that; I’ll be glad when they have both left
us for the summer. Now at least we can enjoy….
MCB
Huhum…m’lady? The Grand Vizier is approaching with the palace guards
ENTER GUARDS AND GRAND VIZ AND TOWNSFOLK
GRDS
Please be upstanding for the Grand Vizier. Ha!
V 1309 Page 38
PRCSS
Oh dear. Crouching Blossom, Hidden Lotus our peace is short lived….good
afternoon Grand Vizier and to what do we owe the honour on such a lovely day?
SONG 4 It’s a lovely day today or It’s Such a a Perfect Day –company number with
guards knee bending etc
VIZ
Ah yes, such a lovely day. I thought I too would take a stroll around the gardens
when I saw your Highness and thought how nice it would be to spend some time
with you. It’s unusual for you to be alone, where is Aladdin today?
PRCSS
He’s a Robbins supporter and they’re playing a big match so he’s gone to watch.
VIZ
Ah so, perfect. Well that means we’ll have plenty of time to talk with each other
today, I do so like our little tete a tetes.
PRINCESS JASMINE ROLLS HER EYES AND LOOKS PLEADINGLY AT
MCB AND MHL FOR HELP
MCB
The Princess is very tired Grand Vizier, could you perhaps come back some
other time?
MHL
Yes, it’s been very tiring for her what with the wedding and all
GRDS
Ha!
VIZ
Oh but it’s such a perfect day and I’ve some very interesting news on my charity
trip to North Wales, I’m sure the Princess will be most enchanted to hear, won’t
you Princess?
PRCSS
Of course I would love to hear more of your forthcoming trip Gra…
PRINCESS JASMINE IS INTERUPTED BY A PEDLAR SHOUTING
PEDL
(ABANAZER DISGUISED) NEW LAMPS FOR OLD, CHANGE NEW LAMPS
FOR OLD. NEW LAMPS FOR OLD, CHANGE NEW LAMPS FOR OLD ETC.
VIZ
Oh Princess, why don’t you help this poor pedlar, you must have something old
you would like to swap for something new.
PRCSS
Actually I do. Crouching Blossom, Hidden Lotus go and find that rusty old
V 1309 Page 39
lamp Aladdin brought to the palace with him. Let’s surprise him by swapping it
for a nice new shiny one. Hurry along now.
MCB AND MHL EXIT TO FIND LAMP
VIZ
Oh such kindness and charity Princess, this will not go unnoticed.
MCB/MHL ENTER WITH LAMP
MCB/MHL
We’ve found it m’lady.
PRCSS
Wonderful. Take it to the Pedlar
VIZ
Please let the guards escort your maids Princess
GUARDS ESCORT MCB AND MHL OFF STAGE. MAIDS RETURN WITH
THE OLD LAMP FOLLOWED BY THE PEDLAR
PRCSS
Have you two swapped the old lamp for something new?
MCB
No m’lady, the pedlar thought you’d like to choose your own lamp.
MHL
We’ve brought him to you so you can see which lamp you’d like
PRCSS
Where are the Royal Guards?
MCB
The kind pedlar offered them some refreshments…
ENTER GUARDS CLEARLY TIPSY – (THEY MAY SING “WHAT
A PERFECT DAY,” DRINK SANGRIA IN THE PARK LATER WHEN IT
GETS DARK, WE GO HOME OOH SUCH A PERFECT DAY FEED
ANIMALS IN THE ZOO WITH CAMEO CAMEL AND DRAGON
APPEARANCES????)
PEDLAR APPROACHES PRINCESS JASMINE WITH BAG OF LAMPS.
PEDL
Please won’t you choose a nice new lamp for this rusty old one kind lady?
TAKES OLD LAMP FROM MAIDS WHILE PRINCESS JASMIINE LOOKS IN
THE BAG AND CHOOSES A SPARKLY NEW LAMP TO REPLACE
V 1309 Page 40
ALADDIN’S. QUICK AS A FLASH THE PEDLAR GRABS THE PRINCESS’S
HANDS AND SAYS OUT LOUD
PEDL
Princess and your Palace
To Egypt’s lands be taken
And make Aladdin’s world be sad
And very greatly shaken
PEDLAR REVEALS HIMSELF AS ABANAZAR WHO CACKLES LOUDLY.
ALL EXCEPT GUARDS & GRAND VIZIER EXIT
GRAND VIZIER SINGS PERFECT DAY AND GUARDS LOOKING
QUIZZICALLY AT EACH OTHER
GRDS
HA????
GUARDS QUICKLY EXIT TRIPPING OVER EACH OTHER AS THEY
HASTEN OFF STAGE; GRAND VIZIER WALKS SERENELY OFF STAGE
STILL SINGING
SOOTH Oh fateful day! Oh tragic scene!
The fair and lovely maid Jasmine
Is forced to Egypt far to go Aladdin's surely full of woe...
Sc 12 Widow Twankey’s New Posh Wash
WIDOW TWANKEY, HUMMING WHILE SHE DUSTS NEW ‘POSH WASH’
SIGN WITH FEATHER DUSTER.
ENTER HOODED FIGURE (EMPRESS IN DISGUISE), LOOKING
ANXIOUSLY.
SOOTH Who could this be? It's hard to tell
They bring no laundry, but reveal
Some news, which may be false, or true,
Believe or not: It's up to you ...
EXIT SOOTH.
WIDW
Hello, dear! Don’t worry, love, we can still do the royal laundry for you. Just
because we’ve come in to money doesn’t mean we’re too posh to wash
V 1309 Page 41
FIG
Ah, yes, we do want to keep the secrets of the Emperor’s underpants with you,
but now I come with sudden news for your son. Is he here?
WIDW
Wishee? Yes, he’s in his room, googling Arabian camel herders. I’ll call him –
Wishee!
ENTER WISHEE
WISH
Here I am – Hiya Kids
AUD
Hiya, Wishee!
WISH
Did you want me for something?
WIDW
No, not them – this lady has some news for you, son.
FIG
No, not that son. It is Aladdin, the princely husband of our fair Princess Jasmine
that this concerns.
WISH
Not me, then!
WIDW
Oh, Aladdin. Well, he does come round from that Grand Palace of his to see his
old Mum some afternoons
FIG
His Grand Palace, yes, that is also of what I tell
WIDW
What’s happened? Is something up?
WISH
Are the local kids playing on that football pitch he built in his palace gardens
again?
FIG
His palace gardens – they are gone as well
ENTER ALADDIN
ALAD
Gone? They can’t be.
FIG
Oh, sad tidings, Princely Aladdin! All is lost!
WIDW
How do you mean, “All”?
V 1309 Page 42
FIG
Our Princess, your palace, gardens, all. All, gone.
WIDW/WISH/ALAD
Gone?
FIG
Disappeared from the face of Peking
WIDW
Oh dear
WISH
Can it be true?
ALAD
No, of course it can’t. Why should I believe a shady character like you telling me
this nonsense?
FIG
Aladdin, I have seen this with my own eyes.... a strange and potent power came
swirling round your palace, with our dear princess in it, and – spirited them
away!
ALAD
Impossible! The princess is always in the care of the Royal Guards.
FIG
But an old pedlar slipped past them in the time it takes to say Ha!
WISH
I hate it when that happens
ALAD
An old pedlar? What could he have to do with anything?
FIG
I think the Grand Vizier had something to do with it as well
ALAD
The Vizier? Why are you telling me these lies? I always thought you were a
shifty character.
WIDW
Careful, Aladdin, she’s brought us some good business in the past.
FIG BOWS HER THANKS TO WIDOW
FIG
Yes, take care, Aladdin, for I am not what I appear. Fortune was not treating us
kindly. A sad day when royal fortunes have to rely on generous in-laws..... I have
protected our honour with my disguise, but now we need to help each other, for
I am none other than…..
FIG FLINGS OFF HOODED CLOAK
V 1309 Page 43
FIG
The Empress herself!
WIDW/WISH/ALAD
Gasp! (BOWING) The Empress!
WISH
How come you’re going around dressed like a hooded crone? – Begging your
pardon, Highness?
FIG
By rook or by crook, I wanted to keep the state of the emperor’s pants safe with
Widow Twankey, and did not want my new rich son-in-law to know that inside
the raven haven of my midnight cloak, the Empress herself had been delivering
washing.
WIDW
Don’t you worry, the Twankey’s lips are sealed – aren’t they boys?
ALAD/WISH Signed, sealed, delivered, your drawers.
WIDW
So, now tell us dearie – I mean, your highness – what has become of your
daughter and our Aladdin’s Princess? We don’t want to lose her before she’s
even added any offspring to the Twankey line.
ALAD
Mother!
WISH
Yes, I could understand her going off to get away from Aladdin and his football
for a bit, but his whole bally palace vamooshed, with her in it? Where can they
have gone?
FIG
This is what I heard, as the force of unnatural power swirled around the palace,
seeming to lift it up and spin it in the air, like an autumn leaf.....
WIDW/WISH/ALAD
FIG
.....I heard a booming voice saying....
WIDW/WISH/ALAD
FIG
Yes?
”To Egypt....”
WIDW/WISH/ALAD
WISH
Yes?
Egypt?
Is that where Aber Pendragon took my camel girl back to?
V 1309 Page 44
ALAD
Never mind about her. If what this – Empress – says is true, I need to rescue
Princess Jasmine from evil Abanazar’s wicked clutches.
WIDW
Not to mention your lovely palace
WISH
But he’s got his hands on the Wonderful Lamp! With the Genie at his bidding,
there’ll be no stopping him now.
ALAD
Oh yes there will
WISH
Oh no there won’t
ALAD
Oh yes there will
WISH
Oh no there won’t
ALAD
There will, because the Genie of the Ring is still at my disposal....I wish to travel
to far off lands....
BOOF! GENIE R APPEARS
GENR
I hear, Oh Master....
ALAD
To Egypt!
GENR
....and may obey...
ALAD
(Sighs) To Egypt, Please!
WISH
Wait! Resplendent and merciful Genie of the Ring, I was just, most humbly,
wondering whether you might possibly consider – begging your indulgence –
including me in the package trip to Egypt, if at all possible? Please? With my
eternal gratitude and many, many thanks?
ALAD
(To Wishee) What?
(To Genie R) Just get on with it!
PAUSE. GENIE R RAISES EYEBROW
ALAD
Please!
V 1309 Page 45
GENR
Your wishee (winks at Wishee) is my command! All aboard the magic carpet
ALAD
If this carpet tips over we’ll fall out
WISH
No, we’ll always be friends
FLASH BANG SOUND & LIGHT FX.
BLACKOUT.
ALL MOVE OFF STAGE FRONT.
MAGIC CARPET EFFECT, RUSHING WIND ETC IN FRONT OF STAGE
DURING SCENE CHANGE...
..SONG 5 WISHEE ALADDIN GENIE TWANKEY etc
Sc 13 Aladdin’s palace, now in Egypt
THE LAMP IN A PROMINENT POSITION. PRINCESS SITS ALONE,
WEEPING
PILE OF CUSHIONS, RUGS, A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT LIES AMONGST
THEM
PRCSS
O, alack and alas, woe is me
ENTER ABANAZAR
ABNZR Oh no its not!
PRCSS
Oh yes it is
ABNZR Oh no its not!
PRCSS
Oh yes it is – how did I come to be transported to this strange country (gestures to
pyramids?) without my guards – or my husband – in a place where they don’t
even know what to do with a wok or how to eat with chopsticks.
ABNZR Chopsticks! One of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard, whilst
Egyptian cuisine is very fine! And wok more could you possibly want than to be
the concubine of the most powerful man of the East? Everything your heart
desires is at my command.
V 1309 Page 46
PRCSS
These fine robes are all very well, I used to think they were so important, but
now I realise the true value of home, friends and family (crys and sobs)
ABNZR And I used to think the power of the lamp was so important, but now I realise no
power on earth can turn a nagging sobbing woman in to sweetness and light.
ENTER ALADDIN, CONCEALED TO ABANAZAR, VISIBLE TO AUD
ALAD
(Loud whisper to aud) Oh yes it can!
ABNZR (Calling to offstage) Camel girl! Bring your beast and see if you can entertain this
ungrateful princess – I can’t bear to see her sulky face a moment longer.
ENTER CAMEL GIRL AND CAMEL
C GIRL At your bidding, master
ABANAZAR GESTURES TOWARDS PRINCESS, ANNOYED, STRIDES OFF.
C GIRL Dearest madam, do not distress yourself. Maybe you would like a ride on my
camel?
PRINCESS CRIES HARDER.
ALAD
(Coming centre stage. To Princess- ) I’ve found you!
ENTER WISHEE
WISH
(To Camel girl) And I’ve found you!
PRCSS
Aladdin!
ALAD
Wishee! What are you doing here?
WISH
For once, Wishee got his wish. To find my lovely camel girl
CAMEL (Nudging Wishee) MNnnhuh?
WISH
And her lovely camel
C GIRL Love me, love my camel. I never thought I would find such a man!
V 1309 Page 47
WISH
The moment you came to my rescue in the laundry, I knew we were meant for
each other, like soap and water. I’ve been through the wringer not knowing if I
would find you.
CGIRL
Oh, Wishee, my heart’s been tumble dried without you, too. I was hoping a
clean living man like you would save me from the dust and dirt of life with
Abanazer.
SONG 5 to the tune of You are my sunshine? : “You are my water, you are
my bubbles, you make me happy, when whites are grey. De de de dee, de de
de de dee, Please don’t take our camel away.. “ ??
WISHEE, CAMEL GIRL AND CAMEL EMBRACE. ALADDIN & PRINCESS –
‘Ah!’ – lead audience ‘Ah’.
PRCSS
But haste! We must make our escape, before evil Abanasty returns.
ALAD
But not (picking up lamp) without this!
C GIRL Everyone is searched before they leave the palace - you will not get the lamp past
the gates.
WISH
Well he might not, but what about Delilah?
CAMEL Huh??
C GIRL Abanazar never pays her any attention
PRCSS
But he will notice the lamp is gone (gestures to where it stood)
ALAD
Not if you distract him
C GIRL You can do the dance of the seven veils. Here, use my yashmak.
PRCSS
You think?
WISH
Delilah will dance, too, won’t you, Delilah?
V 1309 Page 48
CAMEL U-huh
ALAD
Delilah can dance nearer and nearer the gates, while we carry the lamp behind
her, and you, Princess, must keep Abanazar’s eyes always on you
PRCSS
Quickly – here he comes!
WISH
(To Sound Fx) ... Music!
CAMEL DANCE MUSIC BEGINS. PRINCESS FIXES YASHMAK, DANCES
SINUOUSLY. CAMEL GIRL PICKS UP INSTRUMENT AND STRUMS.
ALADDIN & WISHEE GRAB LAMP AND HIDE BEHIND CAMEL, WHO
DANCES SINUOUSLY. ENTER ABANAZAR
ABNZR Ha! Well done, Camel girl
CAMEL MNnnhuh?
WISH/ALAD SSh!
ABNZR I see you, and your camel, have improooved the princess’ mooood.
ABANAZAR IS ALL EYES FOR PRINCESS. CAMEL, WITH ALADDIN &
WISHEES LEGS VISIBLE BEHIND, DANCES TOWARD EXIT. EACH TIME
ABANAZAR LOOKS TOWARDS THEM, CAMEL GIRL PLAYS MUSIC
LOUDER, PRINCESS DANCES MORE EXAGGERATEDLY. AS CAMEL,
ALADDIN & WISHEE HAVE ALMOST MADE IT TO THE EXIT, THEY
DROP THE LAMP WITH A CLATTER. MUSIC STOPS
ABNZR The Lamp! Aieee! That camel is stealing the lamp!
WISH
(Picking up lamp) Run for it!
CAMEL, ALADDIN & WISHEE RUN AWAY. ABANAZAR GIVES CHASE.
CAMEL GIRL INTERCEPTS HIM WITH HER MUSICAL INSTRUMENT, HE
FALLS ON TO CUSHIONS. CAMEL & CO STOP AT DOOR
ALAD
Jasmine!
WISH/CAMEL
Camel girl! [Cameline?] / Mmnngh!
V 1309 Page 49
PRINCESS & CAMEL GIRL HURL CUSHIONS, RUGS ON TOP OF
ABANAZAR, HE STRUGGLES TO FREE HIMSELF AS THEY RUN
TOWARDS THE OTHERS
WISH
Hurry! How can we escape? What can we do?
AUD
The Lamp! The Genie of the lamp! Rub the lamp!
WISH
Oh, yes, of course - the lamp!
WISHEE HOLDS LAMP ALOFT, RUBS IT. POOF! GENIE OF LAMP
APPEARS
GENIE
Master... ! O, hello, not Aladdin, then?
WISH
I wish for me and camel girl [Cameline?], camel, princess and Aladdin
ALAD
(gestures to palace) Oi!
WISH
And his palace, all to be safely back in Old Peking with our mum! With things to
be as they were before, and this stupid old lamp to be back in its cave with
Myfanwy the dragon.
ALAD
Well, not quite as before – there’s my princess, and your camel girl. And what
about him?
WISH
Hmm, yes, of course, we need our ladies with us, please, Genie. And as for
Abanazar - he can come too – our mum’ll sort him out
GENIE
Rather a large quota of wishes, Wishee-Washee. But I can make all these wishes
come out in the wash - if it is really a return to washing that you wish for – For
though I may exhaust my magic powers with this last wish, once the lamp is
back in the cave, I can rest so long as it remains there. So, back to Old Peking and
let all – well, almost all, be as it was before...
Sc 14 WIDOW TWANKEY’S LAUNDRY.
WIDOW TWANKEY IS PEGGING OUT SOME WASHING.
V 1309 Page 50
A LOUD FANFARE AS THE PALACE GUARDS & FANG & FENG ENTER.
WIDW
No milk today, thank-you.
FANG
Widow Twankey, we are here to escort you to the Royal Palace.
FENG
For royal tea-party.
GRDS
Ha!
WIDW
Of course you are. (TO AUD) I’m going to have a paned with the Empress.
We’ve both worried sick about our kids. We’re going to plan what we do if we
ever lay eyes on that ‘Ave a Banana again. I’m leaving my nieces, Lily and Dilly,
in charge of the laundry today. They’re good girls, just a little bit scatter-brained.
See you later, girls!
LILY/DILLY (OFF)
See you later, auntie!
FANG
You will take my arm, Mrs. Twankey.
FENG
No! She will take my arm.
WIDW
I’ve got two arms of my own, thank-you very much.
GRDS
Forearmed is forewarned, Widow Twankey.
WIDW/FANG/FENG (GASP)
GRDS
Ha!
WIDW
See you later everyone.
(WIDOW, FANG, FENG & GUARDS EXIT)
LILY ENTERS WITH A BIG BASKET OF LAUNDRY.)
LILY
We’ve got such a lot of laundry to do today.
DILLY
(ENTERING WITH WASH TUB OF SUDSY WATER & WASHING AND
MAYBE A WASHBOARD)
Rub a dub dub.
V 1309 Page 51
LILY
Hello everyone, I’m Lily.
DILLY
And I’m Dilly. We’re sisters.
LILY
I’m the oldest and cleverest one.
DILLY
How can you be the oldest – we’re twins?
LILY
I’m ten minutes older. Now you get on with that hand washing, and I’ll sort and
fold this laundry. What are you doing?
DILLY
Washing my hands like you said.
LILY
Get on with it. I’ve got a lot here to get through; I’ve got a little behind.
DILLY
Oh, I wouldn’t say that, would you? (TO AUD) It has been known to deter
gents, though.
LILY
Make sure you give that washing a good rub and scrub, Dilly.
(DILLY SURREPTITIOUSLY FLICKS SOME WATER/SUDS AT LILY, WHO
WIPES IT FROM HER FACE. THE SAME THING HAPPENS AGAIN.)
LILY
Must be a leak in the ceiling.
DILLY
Funny place to grow your vegetables.
LILY
Not that kind of a leak, stupid.
(DILLY FLICKS WATER 3 OR 4 MORE TIMES AT LILY WHO – IN A
GRANDMOTHER’S FOOTSTEPS KIND OF WAY – TURNS EACH TIME TO
TRY TO CATCH DILLY FLICKING, ONLY TO SEE LILY (DILLY?)
INNOCENTLY WITH HER HANDS IN THE WASH-TUB. FINALLY LILY
TURNS TO CATCH DILLY FLICKING AND SPRAYS HER WITH A CAN OF
STARCH)
LILY
That’ll teach you!
DILLY
Aaargh! What have you sprayed me with? I’ve gone all stiff, I can’t move.
V 1309 Page 52
LILY
Starch. (LAUGHS)
DILLY
I’m so stiff, I won’t be able to do any laundry.
LILY
Here, this will loosen you up.
DILLY
What is it?
LILY
Fabric softener. (SPRAYS DILLY FROM ANOTHER CAN) Now, no more
messing about. Aunt Twankey will be very angry if we don’t finish all this.
(THEY WASH ETC)
DILLY
Did you hear what happened to the leopard who fell into the wash tub?
LILY
No, I’m not interested.
DILLY
He came out spotless. (PULLS A WET SOCK OUT OF THE TUB AND SCRUBS
IT) Would you like to hear another joke?
LILY
Oh alright then, sock it to me.
DILLY
What did you say?
LILY
Sock it to me.
DILLY
Sock it to you?
LILY
Yeh, I can’t stop you.
DILLY
Alright then.
(DILLY HURLS THE WET SOCK AT LILY OR HITS HER WITH IT)
LILY
You! What do you___?
DILLY
(TO AUD) She said to sock it to her, didn’t she?
(LILY CHASES DILLY AROUND AS THEY HURL WET OBJECTS AT EACH
OTHER, OR LILY DEFENDS HERSELF BEHIND THE WASHBOARD AS
V 1309 Page 53
DILLY PELTS HER WITH DAMP OBJECTS)
LILY
Don’t throw that – it’s the Emperor’s underpants.
DILLY
They’re clean.
LILY
Not the way you wash them, they’re not.
DILLY
Here’s two pairs then. (THROWS THEM)
LILY
Stop! Look at the time.
(DILLY LOOKS AROUND PUZZLED)
DILLY
What is the time?
LILY
(SPRAYS DILLY WITH STARCH)
DILLY
I’ve gone all stiff and starchy again.
LILY
It’s fly past flea. Time flies like an arrow
DILLY
Fruit flies like a banana
LILY
Time for you to stop playing around and finish aunty’s laundry. We don’t want
to stain our image, do we?
DILLY
We could always stick it in the hot wash.
LILY
(SPRAYS DILLY) Here’s the softener. Now help me fold this sheet, so it’s ready
for ironing.
DILLY
Get a load of this.
LILY
Take that end.
DILLY
This end?
LILY
No, that end.
V 1309 Page 54
DILLY
Where shall I take it?
LILY
I just want you to hold it. Now take the two corners.
DILLY
Make your mind up. I haven’t got enough hands for an end and two corners.
LILY
And fold corner to corner. Corner to corner! Now come this way.
DILLY
OK.
(DILLY FLOATS PAST LILY WITH THE SHEET)
LILY
No! Come towards me.
(DILLY MOVES BACKWARDS ENVELOPING LILY IN THE SHEET)
LILY
No!
DILLY
I’ve come towards you.
LILY
The other way round.
(DILLY TWISTS ROUND TANGLING LILY EVEN MORE)
LILY
No!!! Don’t do this at home, kids.
DILLY
I’ve done exactly what you said.
(DILLY GRABS THE SPRAY STARCH)
LILY
What are you doing?
DILLY
Now you can’t move. And I can do exactly what I like.
LILY
Aunty will be very cross.
DILLY
I don‘t care.
(DILLY SPRAYS SOME OF THE WASHING ON THE LINE)
V 1309 Page 55
LILY
Those are the Grand Vizier’s underpants.
DILLY
So?
(DILLY TAKES THE STIFF UNDERPANTS OFF THE LINE)
DILLY
Look these have got a big hole in.
LILY
That should see him through next week.
DILLY
They make a good balaclava.
(DILLY PUTS THE UNDERPANTS ON HER HEAD AND PUTS ANOTHER
PAIR ON LILY’S HEAD)
DILLY
(SINGS) Sisters, sisters, there never were two such devoted sisters…..
LILY
Dilly, I’m warning you…I’ll have you sent back to that job in the shoe-recycling
factory
DILLY
Oh, that was sole destroying. But I’ll only let you go if you tell me a really good
joke – about laundry.
LILY
Alright then. What clothes does a house wear?
DILLY
What clothes does a house wear? Anyone?
AUD/LILY
Address.
DILLY
Not good enough.
LILY
You just wait…
DILLY
One more and I’ll use the softener.
LILY
Did you know I once had some knickers made out of the union jack?
DILLY
Weren’t they uncomfortable?
LILY
Not once I’d taken the flag-pole out.
V 1309 Page 56
(WIDOW TWANKEY ENTERS)
WIDW
So! This is what you call doing the laundry!
LILY
Now we’ll be taken to the cleaners, for sure.
(MAGICAL & MYSTICAL SOUNDS ERUPT, LIGHTS FLICKER. LILY &
DILLY EXIT. ENTER ALADDIN, WISHEE, PRINCESS, CAMEL GIRL,
CAMEL, ABANAZAR )
WIDW
Blimey, where did you lot spring from?
PRCSS
From Egypt, dear mother-in-law. Spirited back here by the Genie of the Lamp.
(PRINCESS, ALADDIN, WISHEE, HUG WIDOW T)
ALAD
Now, you’ll never have to work in the laundry again.
WIDW
There’ll be a lot of dirty linen in Peking if that’s the case.
WISH
Mum, I’d like to introduce to you my bride-to-be, Cameline
WISH/ALAD/PRCSS/CAMEL
SING – Sweet Cameline…etc.
WIDW
Well, my dears, I'm sure you'll both make each other very happy. Welcome to
the Twankey family. Now, should I buy a nice new hat for the wedding or wear
the nice old one I wore for Aladdin and Jasmine's?
C GIRL Look out, Abanazar is escaping. We must catch him before he uses his magic to
wreak more havoc.
ABNZR (LAUGHS EVILLY) You will never catch me!
C GIRL After him!
(CHASE AROUND THE AUDIENCE WITH ABANAZAR)
PRCSS
We’ll never catch him!
ALAD
Of course, I know. (RUBS RING) Genie of the Ring, help us, please.
V 1309 Page 57
(SOUND & LX FX AS GENIE OF THE RING ENTERS)
GENR
Your wish is my command.
ALAD
Please help us to capture Abanazar!
GENR
(DOES MAGICAL GESTURES) I command you, Abanazar, to come hither and
listen to what I have to say.
(ABANAZAR IS HYPNOTICALLY DRAWN BACK ONSTAGE, EVERYONE
ELSE FOLLOWS)
GENR
Abanazar, from hence forward, you will transform from a wizard of evil
countenance and wicked deeds, to a wizard of niceness.
ALL
Niceness?
ABNZR Not niceness, you can never do that.
GENR
The united cosmic powers-that-be have decreed that it be so. With a sprinkle of
this magic elixir, you will be transformed!
(MAGIC SOUNDS ETC)
ABNZR But I don’t want to be nice! I like being bad! I hate the whole idea of niceness.
Niceness is boring! Boring! Boring…..
Niceness…niceness is nice…niceness is nice….
(HIS LAUGH CHANGES FROM EVIL TO A GIGGLE)
ABNZR Anything nice I can do for anyone?
C GIRL I almost prefer him evil.
WIDW
Yes, there is something nice you can do for me, Mr. Abanazar.
ABNZR Yes, you charming, apple-cheeked old lady?
WIDW
Is he taking the …? I would like to know what happened to my first husband
V 1309 Page 58
and sons’ father – Iolo Wyn Jones.
ABNZR I’m sorry to say that many many years ago, because he would not share his
magical knowledge with me, I magicked him away back to his ancestral country
of Wales, from where I knew he would never be able to reach Egypt or China.
But now, with my new powers of niceness, I will magick him back, to the bosom
of his family.
(ABANAZAR MUTTERS A SPELL, SOUND/LX FX. IOLO WYN JONES
ENTERS)
WIDW
Blimey!
IOLO
(EXCLAIMS IN WELSH) Emerald, is that really you!
WIDW
Yes, and these are your sons – Wishee and Aladdin.
IOLO
Well, I never.
WIDW
What have you been up to all these years?
IOLO
I’ve been working in Health and Safety for Denbighshire County Council. How
about you?
WIDW
Well, it’s a long story……but right now your boy’s getting married so you’d better
come andhelp get ready for the wedding (SHEDRAGS HIM OFF)
(EVERYONE EXITS AFTER THEM))
SOOTH Oh happy day! Love is requited!
A happy family's reunited!
And all are filled with jubilation
At the thought of celebrating
Camel Girl and Wishee's wedding!
Let's hope that mum has cleaned the bedding!
SONG 6 JOINING IN SONG LED & TAUGHT BY SOMEONE
THEN WALKDOWN
SONG 7 – REPRISE OF AN EARLIER NUMBER.
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RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE.
SOOTH Ladies and gents, our play is ended.
We hope that none have been offended.
Though depths of Winter might be here,
Let's all rejoice in merry cheer!
THE END