According to an article in Family Safety & First Aid , published by Berkley Books, “… every 45 seconds a fire breaks out in an American home – 700,000 residences aflame each year. And 16 times a day somebody dies in one of these burning homes” (45). These statistics are frightening and should not be taken lightly. The best way to deal with the possibility of loss from fire is to plan ahead before it happens. Otherwise, it is too late. In order not to become one of these statistics, Americans need to equip their homes with safety devices, set and adhere to safety rules, and practice a family escape plan in order to protect their families.
What kind of hook is being used?
Is it effective? Why or why not?
Is there a smooth transition to the thesis?
How strong is the thesis?

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Topic Sentence
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MUST support the thesis statement
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States the main idea of the paragraph
Concrete Detail
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A piece of collected information from one of your 4-6 sources
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States a HARD fact (uses statistical data OR quoted, summarized, or paraphrased information)
Commentary Sentences
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Approximately two sentences (per concrete detail)
Explains the relation between the concrete detail and the thesis
Transition sentence
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Completes paragraph while previewing the topic of the next paragraph
Connects the previous paragraph to the next one

[Topic sentence]. [Concrete detail #1]. [Commentary 1].
[Commentary 2]. [Transition sentence].
Removing vending machines from schools would help lower childhood obesity percentages. “Schools that have removed vending machines containing junk food have seen a 9% increase in extra-curricular activities and a 15% decrease in clinic visits” (“Fat Kids ”). Based on the information above, schools that remove vending machines can expect to see their student populations increase their activity. Educators serious about seeing children make better food choices during the school day will also see a decrease in visits to the clinic.
Removing vending machines that sell unhealthy foods is one of several decisions schools can make to help students; they can also require more physical education courses.

[Topic sentence]. [Concrete detail #1]. [Commentary 1].
[Commentary 2]. [Concrete detail #2]. [Commentary 1].
[Commentary 2].
[Transition sentence].
Removing vending machines from schools would help lower childhood obesity percentages. “Schools that have removed vending machines containing junk food have seen a 9% increase in extra-curricular activities and a 15% decrease in clinic visits” (“Fat Kids ”). Based on the information above, schools that remove vending machines can expect to see their student populations increase their activity. Educators serious about seeing children make better food choices during the school day will also see a decrease in visits to the clinic.
Overweight students are six times more likely to make repeat visits to the clinic throughout the school year
(McBain 4). Encouraging students to make healthy eating decisions will directly affect their health. The unhealthy foods some vending machines contain provide no nutrition or protection against average injuries.
Removing vending machines that sell unhealthy foods is one of several decisions schools can make to help students; they can also require more physical education courses.

Read the following body paragraph and identify each type of sentence listed below.
Upon a further examination of The Joy Luck Club , the mother's constant pressure on the daughter was beginning to wear on her. Jingmei's mother would consistently give her daughter tests and the expectations to succeed were high. As the daughter states right after she failed to perform well at the climatic piano recital, “After seeing my mother’s disappointed face once again, something inside me began to die. I hated the tests, the raised hopes and failed expectations” (Tan
152).
After seeing the dissatisfaction from her mother’s face, the tests and hopes for success, began to eat away at her. It began to tear at the daughter’s emotional state. The consistent disappointment pushed the daughter to the point where she would not become someone she is not. In addition to the pressure from her mother, Jing-mei also faced tribulation working at the family restaurant.
Topic Sentence
Commentary
Sentences
Concrete Detail
Transition sentence

 For Friday, please review the following information for the mid-quarter exam: making inferences, identifying main ideas, and using parallel sentence structure.
 For Monday: using the provided outline, your introductory paragraph, and the notes presented, compose the first body paragraph(s) for your research paper with a a topic sentence, concrete detail(s), commentary sentences, and a transition sentence.