Universals of verbal and
non-verbal messages.
“To effectively communicate, we
must realize that we are all different
in the way we perceive the world and
use this understanding as a guide to
our communication with others.”
- Anthony Robbins, Motivational Speaker
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Chapter 6
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Universals of verbal and non-verbal
messages.
Assertive Communication
Assertiveness: “Win Win”
Steps for increasing assertiveness:
1. Analyze assertive communications
2. Rehearse assertive communications
3. Communicate assertively
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Assertive Communication
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Stand up for yourself
Express feelings directly
Improve relationships
Give Compliments
Give Criticism
Make requests
Say No / Set Limits
Universals of Verbal and
Non-Verbal Message
Non-Verbal Messages are used to:
1.
Accent
2.
Complement
3.
Contradict
4.
Control
5.
Repeat
6.
Substitute For
Messages and Meanings
Meanings are:
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In People
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More Than Words and Gestures
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Unique
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Context-Based
Meanings are in People
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You do not receive meaning. You create
meaning.
Words do not mean. People mean.
Meanings are more than
words and gestures
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1.
2.
Understand other people’s meanings by
your perceptions
who you are
what you are feeling
Meanings are Unique
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No two people derive the same meaning
Same person can derive different
meanings on different occasions
Meanings are Unique
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As you change, you also change the
meanings you create out of past messages
Check your perceptions of another’s
meanings
Messages
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Context-Based
Packaged
Rule-Governed
Abstract/Concrete
Politeness
Inclusion/Exclusion
Direct/Indirect
Gender/Culture
Messages are context-based
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Words or behaviors have different
meanings in different contexts
Depends on other behavior that
accompanies it
Cultural context
Messages are Packaged
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Parts work together to communicate a
unified meaning
Look at entire package before interpreting
another’s meaning
Contradictory verbal and non-verbal
messages question credibility and sincerity
Messages are Rule-Governed
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Grammar
Behavior
Non-Verbal rules and norms
Messages vary in abstraction
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General terms are abstract and specific
terms are concrete
Abstract terms lead to different images
Effective verbal messages usually include
specifics
Messages vary in politeness
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Politeness is a desirable trait
Women’s speech tends to be more polite
than men
Messages vary in inclusion
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Inclusive messages: include all people
present and acknowledge relevance of
others
Exclusive messages: using language to
exclude others outside your group
Messages vary in directness
Advantages
Indirect messages
Politeness
 Seeking
compliments
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Disadvantages
Win Lose
 Resentment
& Competition
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Gender differences
Women
Men
More indirect in giving Indirect when
orders
 Expressing weakness
 Power is ability to
 Admitting problems
choose own style of
 Admitting an error
communication
 Emotions (except
anger)
 Refusing increased
intimacy
 Going against
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Cultural Differences
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Many Asian and Latin American countries
stress indirectness to avoid appear being
critical or contradicted as a way to “save
face.”
Indirectness
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Consider how easy it is for
misunderstandings to occur.
Messages vary in Assertiveness
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Nonassertiveness: You win I lose; passive
approach to communication
Aggresiveness: I win you lose; caring little
for others’ needs
Messages Vary in
Assertiveness
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Nonassertiveness
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Aggressiveness
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“You Win, I lose”
“I Win, You Lose”
Assertiveness
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“I Win, You Win”
Assertiveness
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I win you win
Act in your own best interest without
denying or infringing upon the rights of
others
Assertiveness
Steps for increasing assertiveness:
1. Analyze assertive communications
2. Rehearse assertive communications
3. Communicate assertively

Communicating
Assertively
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Describe the Problem
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State How it Affects You
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Propose Solutions
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Confirm Understanding
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Reflect on Own Assertiveness