Leading
through
Conflict
Presented by Barry L. Davis, MS, CTC, MCDP
- Career Coach | Speaker | Blogger | Minister | Marathoner
Conflict is unavoidable
. . . actually necessary, even
success
critical to
. . . a commitment to avoid conflict can be
catastrophic
Conflict is unavoidable
. . . actually necessary, even
to success
critical
Bay of Pigs vs. Missiles of October
Role of President
Present at all meetings
Deliberately absent at times
Role of Participants
Advocates for particular depts.
Skeptical generalists
Group Norms
Defer to experts, protocol
Minimize status/rank
Conflict is unavoidable
. . . actually necessary, even
critical to success
Bay of Pigs vs. Missiles of October
Involvement of Participants
Extreme secrecy, top level
Direct contact, various levels
Use of Subgroups
One small group, autonomous
Two subgroups, debating
Consideration of Alternatives
No competing plans
Alternatives discussed
Institutionalized Dissent
No “Devil’s Advocates”
Two assigned this “role”
Leading through
Conflict
3 Basic Approaches . . .
The Demagogue
The Manager
The Mediator
Leading through
Conflict
The Demagogue
•Leads through fear, threats, intimidation
•Turns opponents into scapegoats
•Uses lies and propaganda to dehumanize the
Other
•Resorts to violence to dominate or destroy the
Other
Leading through
Conflict
The Manager
•Operates on an exclusive, limited definition of “us”
•Defines purpose in terms of the self-interest of own
group
•Cannot/will not deal with the issues, decisions or
conflicts that cross boundaries
•Is productive and effective only on home turf
Leading through
Conflict
The Mediator
•Strives to act on behalf of the whole, not just a
part
•Thinks systematically, committed to ongoing
learning
•Builds trust through bridges across dividing lines
•Seeks innovation and opportunity to transform
conflict
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
1. Integral Vision
Committing ourselves to holding all sides of the conflict, in all their
complexity, in our minds and hearts
•Check your vision
•Don’t swap boundaries
•Watch your language
•Visit the Balcony
•Develop a mature mind
•Learn to see through walls
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
2. Systems Thinking
Identifying all (or as many as possible) of the significant elements
related to the conflict and understanding the relationship between
them
•Keep it simple
•Think systematically about your role
•View from “outside of the box”
•Ask, “And then what?”
•Think twice before naming enemies
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
3. Presence
Applying all our mental, emotional, and spiritual resources to
witnessing ourselves and the conflict of which we are now a part
•Find your own path
•Practice presence, even in the face of fear
•Become a reliable witness
•Pay attention to energy
•Clarify your motivation
•Promote presence at meetings
•Cultivate quiet presence
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
4. Inquiry
Asking questions that unlock essential information about the conflict
that is vital to understanding how to transform it
•Make questions count
•Interrogation is NOT inquiry
•Lean questions toward the light
•Don’t blame, listen more deeply
•Practice especially with those you hate – and love
•Take listening tests
•Learn from Master Mediators
•Listen especially to those who have no voice
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
5. Conscious Conversation
Developing our awareness of the full range of choices about
how we speak and listen
•Go beyond Robert’s Rules
•Set ground rules beforehand
•Make rules owned by all
•Let go of “winning” arguments
•Replace abstractions with relationships
•Leave your comfort zone
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
6. Dialogue
Communicating in order to catalyze the human capacity
for bridging and innovation
•Seek the Ripple Effect
•Uncover assumptions
•Make hidden agendas visible
•Equalize power relationships
•When necessary, add action to dialogue
•Rebuild trust when it runs low
•Challenge arrogance with dialogue
•Use respect to dissolve stereotypes
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
7. Bridging
Building actual partnerships and alliances that cross the borders that
divide an organization or community
•Build bridges one step at a time
•Bridge idealism and practicality
•Build from the middle, not just from the top
•Think like a minority
•Raise the level of the game
•Learn to bridge by doing it
•Think webs, not walls
Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools
8. Innovation
Catalyze social or entrepreneurial breakthroughs that foster new
options for moving through conflicts
•Don’t seek the limelight
•Practice collaboration, don’t just preach it
•Emphasis coleaders and teams, not individuals
•Fix the process as well as the problem
•Ensure fair rules
•Learn to dance
Conflict – Affective vs. Constructive
Before
During
After
Rules
established in
advance
Reframe
recast in a
different light
Roles
clarified for
each
individual
involved
Redescribe
present
ideas, data in
novel ways
Reflect
evaluate
process,
learn
Respect
build
mutually,
considering
cognitive
styles
Revisit
basic facts
and
assumptions
at impasses
Repair
damaged
relationships
and hurt
feelings
Remember
and celebrate
successes
Leading through Conflict
Some excellent resources on the subject . . .
Leadership and Self-Deception
The Arbinger Institute, 2002
Leading Through Conflict: How Successful Leaders Transform
Differences into Opportunities
Gerzon, Mark, Harvard Business School Press, 2006
Why Great Leaders Don’t Take Yes For An Answer
Roberto, Michael, A., Wharton School Publishing, 2005
The Wisdom of Crowds
Surowiecki, James, Doubleday, 2004
Barry L. Davis, MS, CTC, MCDP
Gift of Self Career Services, LLC https://www.facebook.com/GiftofSelf
bdavis@giftofself.biz
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