Attachment
Jo Lyons
Rochdale Educational Psychology Service
Jo.lyons@rochdale.gov.uk
Aims of session
To develop an understanding of
attachment, trauma and loss.
To understand the importance of the
quality of relationships in building
secure attachments.
To explore some useful approaches
when working with children who have
experienced trauma and who present
with attachment difficulties.
Core concepts of attachment theory
Babies are seen as having a biological drive to seek
proximity to a protective adult.
The goal of the drive is to feel safe, secure and
protected.
Secure Base – the significant attachment figure.
‘Containing quality’ of the Secure Base
Empathic attunement. The baby learns about
him/herself by being understood by another – the basis
of empathy.
Attachment
Attachment is biologically driven behaviour, which is triggered by
external threats and dangers. Its primary function is to ensure
that the child seeks protection at times of stress and danger.
Babies are genetically predisposed to seek out attachment.
Research shows that a child’s ability to form relationships and to
learn is shaped by the child’s early experiences. [Bowlby –
Attachment Theory]
Attachments to caregivers lay the foundations for social and
emotional well-being and the capacity to learn and develop.
Abuse, neglect, loss and trauma have implications for the child’s
internal working model [IWM] . Beliefs and expectations of self,
others and the world.
Research indicates the importance of the quality of attachment
as a predictor of behaviour in pre-school.
Develops through childhood
Babies – Proximity-promoting attachment behaviours attract
attention positively [such as gurgling, smiling] or aversive
attachment behaviours seeking soothing such as crying.
Sensitive period.
Early years Selective attachments. Object permanence beginning to understand that people do not disappear when
out of view. Develop idea of ‘holding in mind’.
Primary years Secure/insecure internal working models
outside the family into school. Attachment and exploration.
Sensitive adults provide secure base in school and act as
secondary attachment figures to help the child manage the
challenges of school.
Adolescence Separation from attachment figures towards
independence. New attachments. Relationships.
Adulthood Two-way relationships. Flexible.
Secure attachment cycle
Baby experiences
discomfort or
needs
Baby plays and
interacts with carer.
Baby calms and
trust develops
Protests, crying,
moaning, screaming
Adult
responds: talks,
soothes, cuddles,
eye contact, facial
expressions
Secure attachment cycle
Cycle of arousal and relaxation. Adult’s capacity to think about
the child’s behaviour and to be interested in the child’s feelings,
to respond by meeting the child’s needs. This gives messages
about the caregiver’s availability and their view of the adult as a
safe attachment figure and a source of security is strengthened.
So, the child:
•is not overwhelmed by anxiety or dangers;
•learns to self-manage a degree of anxiety.
•learns to trust and tolerate brief separation;
•learns to wait for needs to be satisfied.
The secure base is strengthened. The child is free to explore the
environment, interact confidently and learn.
Secure attachment has a positive impact on:
Self-esteem, self-aware, self-knowledge
Independence
Resilience
Ability to manage feelings/ impulses
Increased quality and duration of learning
Long-term friendships/ social skills / cooperation
Academic success; problem solving; curiosity
Empathy, compassion and conscience
Positive and hopeful belief systems about self, family and
society
Secure attachments correlate strongly with higher
academic attainment, better self-regulation and social
competence
Insecure attachment cycle
Baby
experiences
discomfort or
need
Baby plays
with self or
becomes
apathetic
Baby protests
usually by
crying
Baby gives
up, trust does
not develop
and rage
instead
develops
Carer does
not respond
to baby’s cry
or responds
inconsistently
Carer
responds
with anger or
resentment
or else does
not respond
Baby protests
louder
Insecure attachments
Feelings have often not been acknowledged or understood
From infancy, overwhelmed by feelings that can’t be
managed
Feelings often mislabelled/distorted –what is the truth?
Cannot appropriately express feelings – so excessively
expressed or denied and repressed or dysregulated and
chaotic or dissociated.
Feelings expressed through their bodies in confused ways
impact on functioning:
Learning
Health
Emotional and social functioning and behaviour e.g.
empathy, self-esteem, anxiety, anger
Still face experiment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0&feature=player_embedded
What are the risk factors for
developing an insecure
attachment?
Who are the vulnerable children ?
Attachment types: Describe ways of relating to others.
- Secure – ‘I’m ok, you’ re there for me and the world is ok’
- Insecure – 3 types:
Insecure avoidant – ‘It’s not ok to be emotional’
Insecure ambivalent – ‘I want comfort but it doesn’t help me’
Insecure disorganised – ‘I’m frightened’
While ‘adaptive’ in neglectful, unsuitable and / or abusive
environments, these styles can create significant difficulties
for them, others and their development in supportive
environments.
Insecure-avoidant
Caregiver’s responses can be rejecting, indifferent, rigid, hostile.
Avoidant children have experienced parenting that is:
•rejecting of their emotional demands;
•intrusive and insensitive to their needs:
•minimises / devalues feelings;
•gives the message — don’t make trouble.
•not supportive of exploration, co-operation,
Child’s behaviour:
Self-reliant
Suppresses feelings
Avoids intimacy
Achievement-orientated
Controlling
Insecure-ambivalent / anxious dependent
Caregiver’s responses can be: Inconsistent, unpredictable.
Children have experienced parenting that is:
•insensitive and only intermittently available
•Uncertain, unpredictable, angry
•sentimental but preoccupied with own emotional concerns
•not conducive to building self-esteem, cooperation.
Child’s behaviour:
Attention needy
angry
Demanding
Negative thoughts
Emotional reactions to incidents which prevent problem solving
Negative perception of events
Insecure-disorganised and disorientated
Caregiver’s responses can be: frightening; unpredictable.
Disorganised children have experienced parenting that is:
frightened or frightening;
insensitive and unavailable;
Helpless / hostile; intrusive;
not supportive of exploration, effectiveness and co-operation;
Negative about the child and self.
Child’s behaviour:
Hypervigilant
Overwhelming level of fear and anxiety
Controlling behaviour to cope with helplessness
Extreme sensitivity to perceived criticism
Lack of trust in authority / adults
Neuroscience. Attachment and stress
Attachment serves to regulate emotion, calming anxiety and
stress. Securely attached children have emotionally available
and responsive carers who enable them to regulate stress.
Responsive relationships and interactions build children’s
brains and help them learn to self-regulate.
When children do not have their attachment needs met they
suffer unregulated stress and do not develop stress regulation.
This overwhelming stress can lead to stress injuries.
These injuries can lead to additional developmental impairment.
The automatic response to trauma involves the production of
toxic amounts of stress hormones which can lead to significant
difficulties in brain function, body systems and social functioning.
Connections in the brain are reduced and lost through ‘toxic’
stress.
Neuroscience. Impact on brain and development
Brain development relies on “appropriate input
and sensitive interaction with the primary
caregivers at the sensitive period”.
Recent research suggests that there are critical
stages of development when lack of input will
result in delay, or the absence of certain skills.
Connections in the brain are thought to develop
on a ‘use it or lose it’ principle.
Traumatic event – prolonged exposure to stress
hormones – altered neural systems.
Functional impairments
Lasting effects of traumatic stress injuries:
Brain development, functioning, processing
Physiological / Regulatory
[behaviour, hyperarousal]
Physical
Emotional
[dissociation, shame]
Social
[understanding others, empathy, self-esteem, fun]
Developmental impairment
Children may be stuck in age-inappropriate
response patterns.
The resulting behaviours do not represent
regression but are indicators that development has
been impeded or distorted.
How might a securely attached and an
insecurely attached child experience life
differently in our context?
In what ways does our context provide a ‘safe
haven’ for children?
When might it not be a ‘safe haven’ for some
children?
attachment and trauma developmental support
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Safety first.
Engaging.
Trusting and feeling.
Self-management: regulating impulse and the body.
Managing feelings.
Taking responsibility. Rights.
Social awareness and self-control.
Reflectivity and self-esteem
Reciprocal relationships and enjoyment.
Adapted from Cairns.
Safety
‘5 senses tour of the environment’.
Safe spaces. Voice, gestures, expression. Step back Safety first. Relationship may be threatening. Physical
space.
Safe place. What can you call this secure base?
Task focus. Simple / mechanical activities.
Aggression is the ‘fight or flight’ response to perceived
danger or threat, but without the cause and effect thinking.
The ‘Feel, Think, Act’ becomes ‘Feel --- Act’.
The child is likely to already be experiencing high levels of
arousal, and poor ability to self - regulate emotions.
Physical activity to bring down arousal level.
Summary: role of Key Attachment figure
Creating a secure base:
• The key person as an active presence.
• Helping the child to become dependent before
becoming independent.
• Tune in (attunement) and be available.
• Develop capacity for enjoyment.
• Kept ‘in mind’.
• Initiate and supervise games, activities and
conversations between the child and her peers.
The cycle of caregiving
[adapted from Schofield,
UEA]
Child’s needs /
behaviour
Child
thinking
and feeling
Effect on
child’s
development
Parenting
behaviour
Carer
thinking
and feeling
Being available
[adapted from Schofield]
Child’s needs/
behaviour
Child
thinking/feeling
I matter, I am
safe
Other people
can be trusted
Helping children
to trust
Alert to child’s
needs/signals
Adult
behaviour
Verbal and nonverbal messages of
availability
Carer thinking/
feeling
What does this
child expect
from adults?
How can I
show this child
that I will not
let him down?
TRUST
Child thinking:
I am safe. I can explore and return.
I can trust and rely on my carer.
Other people can be trusted. I matter.
Child behaviour:
Uses adult as a secure base when anxious
Can tolerate waiting.
Trusts in the goodwill of others.
Exploration, learning and activity.
Trust – what does the child need
Adult thinking:
What does the child expect from adults? Why?
How can I show this child that I will not let him/her down?
I need to keep the child in mind at all times, even when we
are apart.
I trust in my capacity to look after the child.
Adult behaviour:
Remains alert and available, physically, emotionally and
mentally to child’s needs and signals.
Signals availability to the child in age-appropriate verbal
and non-verbal ways.
Supports exploration.
Managing behaviour
Child thinking:
My feelings and behaviour (past and present) make sense.
I am understood. I can manage my feelings.
Other people have thoughts and feelings that need to be
taking into account
Child behaviour:
Reflects on feelings of self and others.
Empathic.
Can pause for thought before acting.
Expresses / regulates feelings.
Has a coherent life narrative.
Managing behaviour needs
Adult thinking:
What might this child be thinking/feeling? Why?
In the shoes of the child. Past / present.
What are my feelings?
Adult behaviour:
Tunes in to the child.
Helps child to understand.
Helps child to express and manage feelings appropriately.
Provides scaffolding and helps child make sense of
experience, past and present.
Self-esteem
Child thinking:
I am accepted and values for who I am.
All people have some good and bad parts.
Repair and forgiveness is possible.
Child behaviour:
Approaches and enjoys activities with confidence.
Relationships with confidence.
Enjoys success.
Copes with failure.
Shows realistic but positive appraisal of self.
Accepting the child and building self-esteem
Adult thinking:
I value and accept myself – strengths and difficulties.
I value and accept the whole child – strengths and
difficulties, similarities and differences to me.
I trust in the child’s potential for good.
Adult behaviour:
Helps the child to fulfil potential and feel good about
himself.
Promotes positives and enables child to be and feel
successful.
Tackles difficulties and enables child to repair damage.
Promotes child’s acceptance by others.
What difficulties might someone
experience when trying to build
a relationship with a child with
attachment issues?
Supporting ourselves
Managing our anger. Anger is dangerous. It may keep the child feeling safe,
and powerful, as it keeps people at a distance.
Use internal / external supports — family members, friends, support
Recognise your own personal triggers. This relationship will be activating your
own attachment system.
Is this how the child feels most of the time?
How can I manage these uncomfortable feelings in myself?
It is hard not to take a child’s behaviour personally — it is directed at you,
even though the roots of it are elsewhere. But there is an attachment
building.
Being self-aware may help you to feel differently — more in control and less
vulnerable.
Problem-solving groups
Relational framework and key adults
Nurturing empathic relationships.
Significant adults in a child’s life can provide important
attachments.
Need to experience empathy in order to show it to others.
Need to be able to depend on someone else before can be
independent. Being available – helping children to trust.
Relationships help buffer children
Emotional resilience links with the ability to learn.
Use of commentaries/ wondering aloud require adult attention.
Relaxation. Adults set the emotional tone. Encourage and
enable the child to see significant adults as a source of help.
Support for adults working with these children.
Feeling safe and secure physically and emotionally.
Helping children to feel effective and be co-operative.
PLACE
Playful. Positive experiences allow child develop
self-worth. Relaxation.
Liking, even when they misbehave. Overcome
rejection.
Accepting, even when we don’t accept their
behaviour. Regulated.
Curiosity. Wondering aloud about behaviour. Stop,
think, make sense.
Empathy. Before discipline. Behaviour as
communication?
Dan Hughes
Managing feelings
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Learning mediated by language.
Stories / narrative. Role play.
Regulate arousal levels through attunement.
Tune in – reading signals, containing anxiety.
Naming thoughts and feelings. Use ‘commentary’.
Building self esteem.
Restrict choice-making to least stressful situations.
Encourage recognition of learning from mistakes.
We take responsibility to repair relationships.
Shame
“ I’m worthless. I’m powerless. I’m bad” Low selfesteem.
•Repair and rebuild [need to feel healthy guilt].
•Impact on behaviour and accepting responsibility
•Learning boundaries
•Developmentally ‘stuck’
•overwhelmed in competitive settings
•find making choices difficult
•experience global instead of specific shame
•avoid shame through, e.g. blaming, lying or denying
Lying
Cause and effect thinking, and the development of a
conscience are delayed.
‘primary process lying’.
It is usually seen in very young children, as they begin
to tell ‘stories’.
Older children would usually use lying to protect
themselves rather than to cause themselves trouble.
A child with insecure attachments has a strong sense of
shame.
Fear / Control.
Securely attached children’s fear of parental
consequences keeps them safely on the right track until
they develop a conscience over time.
They learn that parental control = safety and comfort.
Children with insecure attachments are different.
They are scared of losing control.
They are scared of being controlled by others.
They believe that:
Co-operation = Losing.
Control = Winning = Survival.
focus on play
Developing a sense of self and others
different roles within the interaction
Safe context
Self-esteem
self-efficacy / control
shared meanings
Sense of being valued
Fun is important
Food issues
• Basic survival need
• Poor recognition of the cycle of
hunger pains – feeding – satisfaction
• Over-fed /under-fed / poor food choices
• unhealthy established patterns of feeding
• Immediate gratification / self-satisfaction
• misinterpretation
Transitions
What happens if we don’t pay attention to transitions?
Anxieties increase. Why?
They feel: Out of control. Uncertain.
Overwhelmed with issues of loss.
Paying attention to change helps:
Sense of predictability / control / safety
Focus
Trust others
‘Contain’ anxieties
Allowing time for processing and reflection.
Support the transitions
Home to school — beginnings, meet and greet, [use a transitional object
from home to ease the transition?]
Daily movement in settings. How much?
If change imminent, we need to give the child as much information as
possible to prepare them.
Visuals – e.g. Waiting — set up the use of memory cards or other visual
reminders of what is yet to come.
Staff - particular children with familiar adults, as anxiety will increase a lot
more for them than the majority of their peers.
prepare the child for major changes in whatever ways you can. Practise
routines.
responding sensitively around endings / goodbyes.
Verbalise what is going on if you experience rejection behavior when an end
or goodbye is approaching.
Provide commentary. Your feelings and the child’s feelings.
Working with children with multiple difficulties
Autism
Interpreting others’ communications / emotions
difficult to interpret their signals
Vulnerable due to high parenting demands
ADHD
Poor attention / impulse control
Cause and effect?
Early experiences
Demanding of adult time
Resilience
Young child:
Responsive to people and objects
Cheerful
Easily soothed
Pre-school:
self-confident
self-help
involved in play
seek appropriate help
realistic risks
relate well to adults and peers
Resilience
Long-term:
self-esteem, fun, humour,
receiving stability and continuity in care;
Positive community influences,
School aspects (especially adult expectations,
peer influences and the level of support available)
Language learning;
Interest from other significant adults about
education; attendance.
General approaches
Importance of consistency
Thinking carefully and planning for any transitions- to avoid
feelings of rejection and increase consistency
Explain any changes to routine
Support to develop self-esteem (may need to be written)
Social skills input and Differentiate tasks.
Awareness of any specific triggers for anxiety
Getting key information from home / care context.
Let them know that relationships are still intact after incidents
Encourage dependence.
Expectations need to match the child’s emotional age, not
necessarily the chronological age.
Strategies to let child know they are being kept in mind after they
have moved on.
Providing emotional support
• provide security - physical / verbal / feelings.
• Set the emotional tone.
• Provide relationship repair following problems.
• Give experiences of feeling safe and lovable.
• Calm area for rest and relaxation.
• Support and build relationships.
Emotional age.
Providing behavioural support
• Avoid confrontation.
• Reflect on the possible underlying causes.
• Be clear, supportive and empathic.
• Use ‘time in’ rather than ‘time out’.
• Ignore, redirect and distract.
• Wonder aloud.
Providing learning support
• Predictable and consistent routines .
• Prepare child for any change in routine.
• Provide boundaries to help a child feel safe.
• Be flexible and adapt to the child’s needs.
• Give the child short periods to practise
independence.
• Give consistent, clear and simple instructions.
• Use a visual timetable to reinforce instructions.
• Look for opportunities to build self-esteem.
• Celebrate success and good choices.
Thinking for your context
Think of your group of children. How might an
understanding of attachment affect how you support them
to develop more effectively?
What does a basic understanding of attachment tell you
about your setting’s approach to interpreting children's
behaviour?
Why might some behaviour management systems not work
for children with unmet attachment needs or trauma? What
changes would you need to make to policies within your
setting for ‘behaviour management’ for children and young
people who present with insecure attachment behaviours?
Next steps. What will be important for you?
Awareness for staff. Confidentiality?
Safety tours and contingency planning. Transitions.
Pupils causing concern. Consider attachment difficulties
Involve other professionals
Behaviour systems
to
emotional support.
Summary:
Children are significantly harmed by abuse, neglect,
separation and loss. Many children will suffer to some
extent and this can be persistent. Having an understanding
of attachment can help us think about what is going on for
these children and how we can help them.