Why do I say YES
when I mean to say NO?
APPA
March 19-20, 2015
AGENDA
Why do I say yes? What stops me from saying no?
Practise ways to say no.
Learn how to manage expectations.
2
THE EMOTION BEHIND A NO
What feelings do the word NO evoke in
you? Why?
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
3
WHEN DO I SAY NO?
Group discussion around when it
is easiest and hardest to say no
4
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
WHY DO WE RESIST SAYING NO?





We want to help
We want to be agreeable
We fear conflicts
We fear losing opportunities
We fear that the person will take a "no" as a sign of
rejection
... These are all false beliefs in our mind.
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
WHY DO WE RESIST SAYING NO?




We usually seek approval from others
We can be unrealistic sometimes about what we
can do in a certain lapse of time.
We are often unclear about our priorities.
We do not understand enough the reasons/context
of the task that is being requested.
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
THE RECIPE FOR NO
In order to be able to say "no", whenever appropriate, you need to:
Have a clear understanding of your role and the role of your
team members.
Know your objectives & priorities
Have a good grasp of the current work tasks/projects you have
on your plate at all times and their due dates.
7
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
KEY QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE SAYING
“YES OR NO" TO A TASK:

Do I have time to do it?


Am I the right person for the task?


How urgent and/or important is it?
Is someone else best suited to the job?
Does this request fit with my goals and objectives?
8
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
WAYS TO SAY NO
OPTION:
Instead of saying "no", tell the person what you can
do considering the other priorities you have to deal with.
Request a longer timeline to do the task.
Suggest doing a portion of the task and requesting the
support of a colleague who may have a greater expertise in
the domain.
In dealing with your boss you can say I would be happy to
help with that and would need you to tell me which other task
9
I would need to drop in order to make this happen.
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
WAYS TO SAY NO
OPTION :
In negotiation technique programs, we suggest
saying instead: “Yes, and…” demonstrating that you have
heard and understood the person.
Option : Just say no in a firm yet respectful manner. If
asked why you can state that it doesn’t fit in your priorities
and/or schedule.
Option : don’t answer right away. Tell the person that you
will check your calendar and get back to them
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
10
HOW TO SAY "YES" TO THE PERSON BUT
"NO" TO THE TASK
Saying "yes to the person and no to the task" may
also mean negotiating different arrangements to
accommodate the request in a different way.
11
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
HOW TO SAY "YES" TO THE PERSON BUT
"NO" TO THE TASK
To say "yes" to the person, first answer three main questions:
What does this person really need?

Find areas of flexibility.

Determine priorities.
How else can this person's need be met?

Find a different frame of reference or approach to the problem.

Look for time and resource alternatives.
How can I support this person to have the need met?

Define the larger goal.

Look for common interests and needs.
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
12
13
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
LET’S PRACTICE
Think of a scenario in which you have difficulty saying
no (even though you want to). Write it down
Partner with someone and tell them about the
situation.
Then I want you to role play how you can say no. You
can choose one of the options that we talked about
or formulate your own method.
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015
14
What is your take away
15
Why do I say yes when I mean to say no?
March 2015