Pacing
Keeping Your Reader Interested and Informed
What Is Pacing?
• A writer’s way of manipulating time and
details to keep the reader interested in
the story
• This prevents the reader from
• being bored by unimportant details
• being confused by too many details
• being overwhelmed by a story that
spans a long period of time
Pacing Techniques
• For Important Details...
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describe very important people/events/ideas with specific details
(using Snapshots and Thoughtshots would be helpful)
turn important “telling” sentences into “showing” sentences (using
Snapshots)
use dialogue with speaker tags when the conversation is important
use Exploding Moments--describing very important things in such
small detail as to make it appear to happen in slow motion
use short sentences to build suspense or to create a hurried mood
for your reader--at times when events are happening quickly or when
emotions are intense
use longer sentences to draw out details or to create a relaxed,
calmer mood for your reader--at times when events are happening
slowly or when emotions are more tranquil
Pacing Techniques
• For Unimportant Details...
•
•
omit unimportant information
•
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summarize or omit unimportant conversations
•
describe less important people/events/ideas in only a few details
(use “telling” sentences rather than “showing” sentences)
do not write a story that spans a long period of time (like days,
weeks, or months); choose ONE time period for the story and
use Flashbacks to show very important information that occurs
BEFORE the time period of the story
use Flash Forwards--skip parts in time when nothing important
happens
A Word of Caution
• BE CAREFUL--balance details carefully.
Too many details OR too little action can
drag on and get boring. Too few details
feels rushed and confusing.
Adding Snapshots:
How to “Show, Not Tell” in Writing
 1.
Action Words = Strong verbs
◦ Examples:
 Instead of run, use jogged, sprinted, bolted
 Instead of said, use whispered, shouted, exclaimed
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Adding Snapshots:How to “Show, Not
Tell” in Writing
Sensory Details = Strong Adjectives and
Descriptions
 2.
 Sight
– describe what you see, color, size
 Sound – boom, bang, buzz,
 Smell – musty, rotten, fresh
 Taste – sweet, salty, sour
 Touch – fuzzy, prickly, squishy
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Adding Snapshots:How to “Show, Not
Tell” in Writing
3.
Dialogue--Let Characters Speak for Themselves
Telling:
◦ Lindsey and Chelsea were really excited about the
concert. Lindsey said she couldn’t wait, and Chelsea
agreed that it would be fun.
◦**Here, the WRITER is telling us--summarizing for
us--how Lindsey and Chelsea feel.
Showing:
◦ “I can’t believe it’s here! I’ve been waiting for this concert
for weeks,” Lindsay shouted from her room as she was getting
dressed.
◦ “I know! It’s going to be a blast!” exclaimed Chelsea,
while she patiently waited for Lindsay to finish getting ready.
◦**Here, the writer lets the CHARACTERS talk
about their own feelings. The writer just shows what
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the characters do and say.
How to “Show, Not Tell” in Writing
Snapshot – a specific description of an
important detail in the story that creates a
picture for the readers to see in their minds
and experience it through writing.
4.
Snapshots
SHOW, and don’t TELL.
Snapshots use SENSORY DETAILS
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Example
 “Telling”
◦ Ryan was tired.
 “Showing”
◦ After a long day of school followed by a 2 hour football
practice, Ryan trudged back to his dorm. His eyelids
drooped, and he struggled to keep them open. His
backpack felt as if it were full of huge rocks. Ignoring
the piles of clothes on the floor and the mountain of
homework on his desk, he dropped his backpack on the
floor with a BOOM. He flopped onto his soft bed,
wrapped the warm blankets around his exhausted body,
and closed his eyes.
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Example
 “Telling”
◦ Ryan was tired.
Strong Verbs in RED
Sensory Details in BLUE
 “Showing”
◦ After a long day of school followed by a 2 hour football
practice, Ryan trudged back to his dorm. His eyelids
drooped, and he struggled to keep them open. His
backpack felt as if it were full of huge rocks. Ignoring
the piles of wrinkled clothes on the floor and the
mountain of homework on his desk, he tossed his
backpack on the floor with a BOOM. He flopped onto
his soft bed, wrapped the warm blankets around his
exhausted body, and closed his eyes.
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Practice
 Use
the “telling” sentence for your row to
“show” the situation. Use action words, sensory
language, dialogue, and/or snapshots in your
writing.
 Row
1: I am nervous.
 Row 2: This weather is nice.
 Row 3: Dinner was delicious.
 Row 4: Lauren is scared.
 Row 5: The ocean is beautiful.
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Thoughtshots
•There is a time in writing when it’s
necessary to go into the thoughts of
how you feel, what you’re thinking,
dreaming, imagining, etc.
•These are called “thoughtshots.”
•In a thoughtshot, you let your reader
see what’s going on in the head of
your characters (or yourself, if the
story is about you).
Types of Thoughtshots
– Flashback Thoughtshot: a character thinks back about
something that has already happened.
•EX: “He remembered the first time he saw the snow...”
- Flash-Forward Thoughtshot: a character thinks about
what is going to happen or what might happen in the
future. Writers often use Flash-Forwards when a character
is trying to make a decision.
•EX: “She thought about going to the new school. What
would it be like? Would she have friends?”
- Internal Monologue: a character thinks about what
he/she is experiencing or feeling at that moment.
•EX: “He thought about what the teacher had just said. His
mind raced, but he didn’t know the answer. Why did she
call on him? What would the other kids think if he didn’t
give a correct answer?”
Examples of Thoughtshots
– Flashback Thoughtshot: a character thinks back about
something that has already happened.
•From “Little Red Riding Hood”
–The wolf went up to Little Red Riding Hood and told
her that he knew a shortcut. Little Red Riding Hood
thought back to what her mother told her about not
talking to any strangers and watching out for the wolf
in the woods. But it was too late; she had already
listened to the wolf’s directions.
Examples of Thoughtshots
- Flash-Forward Thoughtshot: a character thinks about
what is going to happen or what might happen in the
future. Writers often use Flash-Forwards when a character
is trying to make a decision.
• From “The Daydreamer”-- I will buy a meal with the first
coin, thought the man excitedly. With the second coin, I
will gain some chickens. These chickens will grow and
multiply, and I will soon have eggs. I can then sell eggs to
buy some goats! As the second man walked along the dirt
path, he began to imagine his very own herd of goats. I
can then sell some goats to buy cows, and as the cows
breed, I can sell those, as well! Soon I will have enough
money to buy my own land... and I will marry... and have
my own family... who will help me in the fields... and the
land will give me everything I need!
Examples of Thoughtshots
- Internal Monologue: a character thinks about what
he/she is experiencing or feeling at that moment.
• From “Nightmare in Blue”
– It must be a cramp, George thought frantically; he’d
seen Tommy swim several times that distance. For a
second he almost flung himself into the water, but
then he told himself: It won’t help him for me to
drown with him and if I can get Wilma there’s at least
a chance….
Using Thoughtshots
•Look at your own writing piece.
•Ask yourself the following...
–Does the reader know the thoughts that went
through my head during my experience?
–Does the reader know how I’ve grown as a
result of the experience?
–Does the reader see who I really am as a result
of my thoughtshot?
•Look at the 3 kinds of thoughtshots. What
types of thoughtshots would be most
appropriate to help the reader understand
the purpose of your story?
Off you go!!
•Using the New Thoughtshots handout,
add OR revise the thoughtshots in your
story. Each page of your narrative
needs AT LEAST 2.
•ADD thoughtshots if the paragraph
doesn’t have any.
•REVISE the thoughtshots if the ones
you have written are INEFFECTIVE or
MINIMAL.
Exploding Moments
Using Snapshots and Thoughtshots to
Explode the Moment
Exploding the Moment
What is it?
 When a moment is slowed waaaay down for
the purpose of painting a frame-by-frame
picture for your reader…
 Uses Snapshots
 Uses Thoughtshots
Flashbacks
Flashforwards
Internal Monologue
 Uses Baby Steps (a series of descriptions of
tiny moments in a larger event)
Sample Sentence
 Take the sentence “He walked through the doorway.”
This doesn’t have much detail. It goes by very fast for
the reader and doesn’t show anything important.
 Now let’s explode that moment.
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Describe the action in slow
motion.
He grasped the doorknob and turned it slowly to the
right. He pushed the door inward. He darted his
eyes to the right. Nothing. He pushed the door
open a little farther, and slowly moved his right foot
into the room.
Add Snapshots....
He grasped the cold doorknob and turned it
slowly to the right. He pushed the door
inward. The hinges squeaked and cold air
rushed past the opening door. The room
was dark. He darted his eyes to the
right. Nothing. He pushed the door open a
little farther, and slowly moved his right foot
into the room. His shoe creaked a bit as it
hit the polished hardwood floor.
Add Thoughtshots....
He grasped the cold doorknob and turned it
slowly to the right. He pushed the door
inward. The hinges squeaked and cold air
rushed past the opening door. The room
was dark. He darted his eyes to the
right. Nothing. He pushed the door open a
little farther, and slowly moved his right foot
into the room. His shoe creaked a bit as it
hit the polished hardwood floor. What am I
doing here? he wondered. He began to wish
he’d never accepted that dare.
How Do You Feel About....
Look at the sentence
“I poured milk on my sister’s head.”
What do you see in your mind?
What is the writer thinking during
this event?
What questions do you have for the
reader?
Exploding the Moment
Using EXPLODING
MOMENTS, “I poured
milk on my sister’s
head” becomes....
A FABULOUS Exploded Moment
 I watched myself begin this horrible deed. My hand
seemed to suddenly have a will of its own. It picked
up the milk carton. The spout was already open. My
arm extended over Carol’s head, tipping the carton.
The liquid poured in slow, steady thick unending
streams down through her long, blonde hair, soaking
the back of her clothes and running onto the floor. As
the milk reached the floor I shifted the spout slightly
to begin another long milky journey down the front of
her. It poured over her forehead, in the eyes, running
in rivers down each side of her nose, converging on
the chin and splashing into her pate. Her food was
soon awash and the milk poured over the edge, and
ran into her lap. And still I poured on--it was too late
to stop now. The rapture of it all. Oh, sweet revenge.
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A FABULOUS Exploded Moment
 Carol was shocked into absolute silence, her milkwashed eyes staring at me in total disbelief--almost
uncomprehending. What had I done? I only meant to
pour a little to scare her, and now it was all over-everywhere. Her chair was a four-legged island in the
middle of a giant white pond in the kitchen floor. How
could one quart of milk go so far? For a second or
two, she didn’t react and I had a brief but fleeting
prayer that she was stunned speechless. However,
not for long.
 “Dadddeeeee!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
The sound of glasses being knocked over the coffee
table in the living room and my father charging
around the corner happened simultaneously. In an
instant he took in the whole scene. Horrible big
sister
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pours milk over innocent little sister’s head. I simply
Look at the techniques used
Snapshots in RED
Thoughtshots in BLUE
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A FABULOUS Exploded Moment
 I watched myself begin this horrible deed. My hand
seemed to suddenly have a will of its own. It picked
up the milk carton. The spout was already open. My
arm extended over Carol’s head, tipping the carton.
The liquid poured in slow, steady thick unending
streams down through her long, blonde hair, soaking
the back of her clothes and running onto the floor. As
the milk reached the floor I shifted the spout slightly
to begin another long milky journey down the front of
her. It poured over her forehead, in the eyes, running
in rivers down each side of her nose, converging on
the chin and splashing into her pate. Her food was
soon awash and the milk poured over the edge, and
ran into her lap. And still I poured on--it was too late
to stop now. The rapture of it all. Oh, sweet revenge.
32
A FABULOUS Exploded Moment
 Carol was shocked into absolute silence, her milkwashed eyes staring at me in total disbelief--almost
uncomprehending. What had I done? I only meant to
pour a little to scare her, and now it was all over-everywhere. Her chair was a four-legged island in the
middle of a giant white pond in the kitchen floor. How
could one quart of milk go so far? For a second or
two, she didn’t react and I had a brief but fleeting
prayer that she was stunned speechless. However,
not for long.
 “Dadddeeeee!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
The sound of glasses being knocked over the coffee
table in the living room and my father charging
around the corner happened simultaneously. In an
instant he took in the whole scene. Horrible big
sister
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pours milk over innocent little sister’s head. I simply
Now It’s Your Turn....
Find the MOST IMPORTANT event in the
story you wrote for your narrative
Use BABY STEPS to put the action in SLOW
MOTION
Use SNAPSHOTS to add descriptions about
the five senses to SHOW and not TELL
Use THOUGHTSHOTS to show what
characters are thinking
Record this on your Exploding Moments
Handout
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Exploding the Moment Review
Select a sentence
Explode that sentence by...
Break the action down into a series of
tiny mini-actions (baby steps)
Providing your reader with a frame-byframe picture of the action (details
through snapshots)
Provide your reader with insights into
the character’s thoughts (details
through thoughtshots)