Canlas 1
Samantha Canlas
Professor Hill
Asian American Studies 310
1 December 2011
Obligated Obedience
Different cultural backgrounds can often times lead to a different set of expectations,
whether it be a demand for a professional degree, the liberty to do what you please, or the
pressure filled life of being a professional athlete. Asian American students more often than nonAsian American students feel the pressure of the need to be successful in order to validate their
parent’s hard work and commitment to the family. Asian American students work hard in school
in order to justify their parent’s hard work and support because of the motivation of family
obedience.
A family centered home is created among Asian American households in order to create a
sense of family support between Asian parents and Asian American children. In Asian
households, happy parents means happy home, because that means the family resources are
being pulled together in order to promote the well-being of the parents and the home (Hayashino
and Chopra, 321). It is not the job of Asian parents to promote the well being of the home, it is
left up to the children to bring the sense of comfort that comes with success into the home
therefore making things right and balanced. Family function as a whole often takes precedence
over an individual’s need, and the shared values and traits that are socialized into Asian
American households fall together as family cohesion and harmony among the family members
(Hayashino and Chopra, 321). Asian American children are expected by their parents to follow
their rules and requests in order to keep family equilibrium even if it means that parents induce
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guilt, shame, and concerns for family obligation. Asian parents feel as if immigrating to the
United States and establishing the best possible home for their children is enough of a sacrifice
and accomplishment that they instill such high expectations on their children. Asian Americans
often assume more mature personas in order to contribute to this family expectation and achieve
the success that their parents see for them (Rong, Grant, 627).
Asian families emphasize the importance of family relations, a strong work ethic, and
respect, which builds the base for family obedience. There are certain morals and values that are
instilled in Asian American children including “a strong sense of importance of family over the
individual, self control to achieve societal goals, and appreciation of one’s cultural heritage”
(Julian, McKelvey, McKenry, 31). These are common values that are instilled within Asian
American families because they are perpetuated through families socializing their children and
“controlling their behaviors according to their [own] ideals” (Jang, 651). The values that are
established in an Asian American household are further extended into the classroom and with the
relationship between their children and their teacher. Their children are socialized to “regard
their relationships with teachers at school as an extension of their relationships with parents at
home” (Jang, 652) this shows how parents influence their children in order to bring honor to
their family by academic success (Jang, 652). The success of Asian American children can be
achieved with through a multilevel process between parents, teachers, students, and peers
(Schnider and Lee 362) because it creates a dynamic and interactive learning environment. Asian
parents push their kids to be successful because it is their children’s birthright to uphold the
family name.
Asian parents feel as if they are entitled to have control over their children’s education
because they have sacrificed a lot in order to provide them with the best education possible. With
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this mind set Asian parents often expect their children to work hard in order to justify their own
hard work and self-sacrifice (Chopra and Hayashino, 321). Asian parents expect their children to
practice filial piety so to keep the family balance and bestow pride and honor on the household.
Filial piety is a core Confucian value (Lieber, Nihira ,Mink, 325) whose concept is based highly
on respectful behavior and loyalty. Asian parents expect that their children have academic
success in order to fit in with their own culture and achieve a high ethnic standing (Schnider and
Lee, 358) even if that means becoming the model minority . They try and instill a passion for
learning in order to scaffold all the knowledge they come across over their lifetime (Abboud and
Kim, 4). By appealing to their parent’s desires, Asian American children achieve filial piety
because they are respecting their wishes and being loyal to the family traditions and values.
Asian Americans work hard in school to live up to the expectations of their parents. The
stress of culture and family obedience serves as a motivating factor in their work ethic. The work
ethic involved as well as family involvement greatly increases Asian American success rates
(Schnider and Lee, 358). The environment in which the children were raised, communication,
and socializing influences greatly influences their success rate in school (Schnider and Lee, 359).
Assimilation also plays a big role in Asian American society. In Japanese culture, they strive to
become most like the dominant culture in order to avoid discrimination, leading to a high success
rate and good work ethic among Japanese immigrants (Schnider and Lee, 360). These ethics are
seen among Asian Americans so that they can appeal to their culture as well as assimilate into a
role in American society so they will not be discriminated against because they in turn show the
value and respect that they have for their parents. Asian American’s success rates are due to how
they were raised and their development of a discipline that gives them irreplaceable skills in life
(Abboud and Kim, 1).
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Aside from working hard in school, Asian Americans also look after siblings, as well as
take care of the household (Chopra and Hayashino, 323), which relates back to the key of family
balance and overall family obedience. Asian Americans are motivated by the shame, and guilt
induced by their parents, but they are also torn between appealing to their parent’s wishes and
assimilating to the American culture. Asian Americans automatically become diasporic people in
which they are torn between two countries, that of which their parents came, and the one that
they have been raised in (Lee, 70). This battle between two cultures conflicts Asian Americans
and can often use up their spirit and energy and can cause an overall stress (Lee, 65). When
Asian parents notice this conflict between their children’s cultural values, and the values exposed
by the “outside” world it is seen as a disrespectful notion and that their children are turning their
back on the culture in which they were raised (Chopra and Hayashino 324). This cultural conflict
between the American culture and the Asian American culture creates an ambivalent inner
conflict within Asian Americans because they are torn between family obedience and
conforming to their peers (Uba, 124).
In opposition to family obedience being a main motivator for student success to appeal to
family happiness, family obedience can be seen as a fearful mean to avoid Asian parent’s
disappointment and family rejection. The belief that family comes first before all else is a
Confucian theory (Shen and Mo, 2), which can have a lot of implied stress along with the
necessity to live up to a certain expectation. Asian parent’s views on education conflicts with
those of American society in that they hold their cultural belief and values at a higher place than
that of American families (Shen and Mo, 4). Asian Americans have such high expectations laid
out in front of them that they are overcome with stress as they are expected to fulfill family
honor and achieve great success in order to appeal as the dominant ethnic race. Failure within
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Asian households is seen as dishonorable and disturbs the family peace; because Asian American
children are like investments to their parents, they are directly correlated to family honor, pride,
and happiness (Shen and Mo, 3). Asian Americans have the ethnic standard of their parents to
live up to, and in fear of shedding disappoint on their family and on themselves they strive to be
successful in the form of family obedience. Family obedience is putting the family first above all
else, in order to keep peace within that network, but the stress and the depression that comes
from the Asian Grade scale (Noguchi) shows that children work hard so to avoid bringing shame
onto the family and disappointment from their parents. The worry that these students endure,
instill a sense of fear that motivates them to honor their parents wishes which in turn leads to
mental disorders, or even suicide (Noguchi).
Family obedience is a motivating factor in Asian American work ethic and is a driving
force as they go through school. When Asian Americans were asked the question, “What does
family obedience mean to you?” responses1 were met by different emotions such as empathy,
envy, and surprise. A third year college student who identified as Filipino-American (1)
responded, “It means that I better do what my mom says most of the time or she'll kick my ass or
disown me” which illustrates how the pressure of family expectations can instill a sense of guilt
of shame in a student. Other respondents, a second year college student identified as KoreanAmerican (2) stated, “[it is] Trying your best to align your goals with that your parents expect
from you” and a fourth year Chinese- American (3) college student comments, “[family
obedience is] any decision that is made for the future of one family member is taken with
consideration first and foremost to what is "practical", profitable and what is needed to continue
to support the entire family.” These two responses offer a symbiotic relationship between parent
expectation and the student’s values for the future. A fourth respondent, a third year Vietnamese1
Questions were distributed to varying age groups as well as differing ethnicities. All responses can be seen in the Appendix A
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American (4) responded “family obedience means to do exactly as your parents asked you to do.
There are no choices. It must be done. Yet at the same time, this demandingness is for the
family's or my own personal well-being. Good intentions behind it all.” Another VietnameseAmerican (5) respondent who is a fourth year college student stated after discussing her mother’s
self-sacrifice for her family said, “Hearing this story multiple times makes me want to repay how
much she has done for me. Back when I was young, I would resent my parents because they
would discipline me by hitting me with a stick every time I disobeyed them. When I think about
it now, I am thankful they did this because they prepared me to become a responsible person. I
have never disagreed with my parents because they have provided me shelter, food, and
unconditional love. My goal is to be successful in order to do the same for them in the future.”
These responses shows that the respondents’ understanding of family obedience is seen beyond
the trials and tribulations as a loving gesture rather than a looming expectation that could lead to
disappointment in the future.
Family obedience is instilled within Asian American children in order for them to have a
sense of being and purpose. It creates a bond between the families and ties in the cultural values
in which their parents were raised as well as serves as a motivation for success. Asian
Americans’ obligation to family obedience is related to how they have been socialized here in
America by their Asian parents and surrounding influences. Because their parents have made it
known that their hard work and sacrifice has been able to provide for them, Asian Americans
feel more pressured to fulfill their parents’ wishes as a form of gratitude. Although the pressure
placed on Asian American children to work hard and obtain the most successful position
available seems to the outside world as controlling and manipulative, it is merely just a clash of
cultures and a difference of what is socially acceptable (Uba ,125). Everyone is looking for their
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niche in life, and to fulfill their desire to be successful, and just because family obedience is
depicted more commonly amongst Asian Americans doesn’t mean that they are the only one
influenced by their parents. There will always be a family, and a cultural group, to be a part of,
one that will further shape minds and talents.
Work Cited
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Abboud, Kim, and Jane Kim. Top of the Class How Asian Parents Raise High Achieversand How You Can Too. New York, New York: Penguin Group (USA), 2006. 1-4. Web.
<http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=u141N1phW9IC&oi=fnd&pg=PT7&dq
=Abboud and kim&ots=n5-gSf82bl&sig=KAqM5AIiKSPFGYuUSQ7pv08mwtk>
Ham, Stephanie. Personal Interview. 12 November. 2011.
Hill, Victoria. “The Family Part I.” University of Texas at Austin, Austin. 11 October 2011.
(I used this reference in place of Hayashino and Chopra because I could not find the
information I needed to cite it)
Inting, Tricia. Personal Interview. 12 November. 2011.
Jang, Sung. "Race, Ethnicity, and Deviance: A Study of Asian and NonAsian Adolescents in American."Sociological Forum. 17.4 (2002): 647-680. Web. 1 Dec.
2011. < http://www.jstor.org/stable/3070363 >.
Lee, Young-Oak. "Transcending Ethnicity: Diasporicity in A Gesture Life." Journal of
Asian American Studies. 12.1 (2009): 65-81. Web. 1 Dec. 2011.
<http://muse.jhu.edu.ezproxy.lib.utexas.edu>.
Lee, Yongsook, and Barbara Schnider. "A Model for Academic Success: The School and
Home Environment of East Asian Students."Anthropology & Education Quarterly. 21.4
(1990): 358-377. Web. 1 Dec. 2011. <http://www.jstor.org/stable/3195710>.
Lieber, Eli, Nihira Kazuo, and Iris Mink. "Filial Piety, Modernization, and the Challenges
of Raising Children for Chinese Immigrants: Quantitative and Qualitative
Evidence." Ethos. 32.3 (2004): 324-347. Web. 1 Dec. 2011.
<http://www.jstor.org/stable/3651842>.
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McKelvey, Mary, Patrick McKenry, and Teresa Julian. "Cultural Variations in Parenting:
Perceptions of Caucasian, African- American, Hispanic, and Asian-American
Parents ." Family Relations. 43.1 (1994): 30-37. Web. 1 Dec. 2011.
<http://www.jstor.org/stable/585139>.
Ngyuen, Jenny. Personal Interview. 12 November. 2011
Noguchi, Sharon. "Success Gap: High Grades, High Stress for Asian- American Students
in Bay Area." Contra Costa Times [San Jose] 09 January 2009, n. pag. Print
Rong, Xue, and Linda Grant. "Ethnicity, Generation, and School Attainment of Asians,
Hispanics, and Non-Hispanic Whites." Sociological Quarterly. 33.4 (1992): 624-636.
Web. 1 Dec. 2011. <http://www.jstor.org/stable/4121400>.
Shen, Wenju, and Weimin Mo. "Reaching Out to Their Cultures- Building
Communication with Asian- American Families." Information Analyses. 1.7 (1990): 1-9.
Web. 1 Dec. 2011.
<http://eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/contentdelivery/servlet/ERICServlet?accno=ED3514
35>.
Tran, Christine. Personal Interview. 12 November. 2011.
Uba, Laura. Asian Americans: Personality Patterns, Identity, and Mental Health. New
York, New York: The Guilford Press, 2003. Print.
Wong, Derek. Personal Interview. 12 November. 2011.
Appendix A
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(1) Name: Tricia Inting
Age:20
Year in School/ and or When you Graduated: junior in college
Ethnicity: Filipino
What does family obedience mean to you? It means that I better do what my mom says most of
the time or she'll kick my ass or disown me.
(2) Name: Stephanie Ham
Age: 19
Year in school OR year you graduated: Sophomore
Ethnicity: Korean
What does family obedience mean to you?
Trying your best to align your goals with that your parents expect from you
(3) Name: Derek Wong
Age: 21
Year in School: Senior in college
Ethnicity: Chinese
What does family obedience mean to you?
decision that is made for the future of one family member is taken with consideration first and
foremost to what is "practical", profitable and what is needed to continue to support the entire
family.
(4) Name: Jenny Ngyuen
Age: 20
Year in School: Junior in college
Ethnicity: Vietnamese
What does family obedience mean to you?
family obedience means to do exactly as your parents asked you to do. There are no choices. It
must be done. Yet at the same time, this demandingness is for the family's or my own personal
well-being. Good intentions behind it all.
(5) Name: Christine Tran
Age: 21
Year in School: Senior in college
Ethnicity: Vietnamese
What does family obedience mean to you?
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My mom would always remind me since I was young that she works really hard to take care of
me, and that I should appreciate how much she has done for me. She would also talk about how
my life is much easier than what she had back in Vietnam and that I should feel lucky. Hearing
this story multiple times makes me want to repay how much she has done for me. Back when I
was young, I would resent my parents because they would discipline me by hitting me with a
stick every time I disobeyed them. When I think about it now, I am thankful they did this
because they prepared me to become a responsible person. I have never disagreed with my
parents because they have provided me shelter, food, and unconditional love. My goal is to be
successful in order to do the same for them in the future.
Others not included in paper:
Name: Matthew Sun
Age:20
Year in School: Junior in college
Ethnicity: Taiwanese
What does family obedience mean to you?
doing enough of what is expected of you to maintain the integrity of the family publicly and
functionally without severely compromising your own philosophies and dreams.
Name: Rachel Mae Arzadon
Age: 25
Year in School/ When Graduated: 1st year Grad student
Ethnicity: Filipino
What does family obedience mean to you?
Ultimately, family obedience is the respect for our elders, and respect for each other in the
family.
Sometimes, they may have high expectations and there are times that we may not reach those
expectations. But just because we don't become a nurse or doctor does not mean we respect our
parents.
In my case, i can tell you, that just because I was a jr volunteer for 6 years, did not mean that my
parents expected me to become something in the medical field. The biggest expectation and
lesson they have given me is DO SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE AND WILL MAKE YOU
HAPPY IN THE LONG RUN. Let me tell you firsthand, that is harder than it sounds. Just
because I have a bachelors degree and have gone back to school, does not mean I'm happy with
my current job. I'm still struggling to find that happiness. They may be proud of me, but they
know when it comes to job satisfaction, I'm still trying to find my calling.
That's the part of FAMILY obedience that they're covering. They respect the things I've done and
will support me in everything I do. And they have made that known. And my part is to become
the best I can be and be happy doing what I do..