Rushing Through Childhood
Karol Olivero
Professor Chocos
Seminar
11/05/2013
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As kids, there is a sense of a whole new world. Children are born innocent, which is
why they are admired. They do not have to lie or to worry; they can just be free and true to
themselves. Children do not know what is right from wrong, nor do they know what the
world is expecting from them. Since children are born with their parents as teachers, they
look up to them, imitating and learning by each movement they do. Because of this,
childhood is considered one of the most important stages of a person’s life which is why it
should be respected and lived to the fullest, meaning that the type of parent a child has will
affect his life, his decisions and choices forever. A person’s childhood can define the type
of mature adult he/she will grow out to be. Children do not understand the type of world
their parents are living which is why they create this illusion of living a fairy tale
experience, in which they see the world as a wonderful place. However while they are
going through childhood they need to face some factors that will help the child to grow and
to be more dependent, yet some parents don’t pay attention and acknowledge this stage
very quickly in order to avoid more stress in their lives. The truth is that over the years
society has changed, most parents of today are walking stress machines; they stress about
the economy, politics, education, and more. Even though all of these pressures do not seem
to take away their desire of making a family, it does take away their time for raising a child
which is why most parents of today’s society have become childhood rushers.
Parents have become vulnerable to the amount of stress they get daily. Whether it is
doing shores and groceries, or working and managing to stay alive in today’s economy,
almost every parent has a day-by-day problem that needs to be fixed. According to
American child psychologist and author David Elkind in his article, Childhood’s End,
“Today’s child has become the unwilling, unintended victim of overwhelming stress, the
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stress borne of rapid, bewildering social change and constantly rising expectations” (62)
Parents are expecting their children to achieve a certain amount of success at a really young
age. For instance, more independence can be one of the factors that first affects a child.
Parents are constantly encouraging their child to be more reliable on his/herself so that they
could have relief from a percentage of their daily stress. Potty training, learning how to eat,
and walk can be seen as one of the most common stages parents rush their child to grow to.
Though all of these are necessary to learn, the way they do it is what affects. If a child feels
like he/she is punished more than he/she is rewarded because he/she is not able yet to
develop self-control when it comes to learning something the child may develop discomfort
towards the parents. Some parents rush their children through this stage because it gives
them 4 to 5 hours without worrying about their child because by the time the child learns
independence he/she is able to go to kinder garden.
For some people, achieving success of having their child go to school at an early
age is seen as something wonderful because it means that their child will be more
academically active in the future. However, the child might see it differently than the
parents. Children need to live their childhood at a normal rate, putting too much pressure on
a child can lead to have him/her develop cracks on his/her identity. When a child is given
control over something it can make him/her become responsible; yet, if the child starts to
feel too much pressure coming from the parents rather than support, the results can be an
actual failure. Psychologist Erik Erikson is constantly studying child behavior; on his
Psychological Stages Chart he gives the pros and cons of the basic conflicts that happen
during certain childhood stages. He believes that giving a child control or responsibilities
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can be helpful to the development of the child’s autonomy, however, if done in a rush and
without the support needed, the child can develop “feelings of shame and doubt” basically
the child will have trouble developing his/her self because there is no one to make him feel
safe and supported. Not rewarding your child for something good he/she has done can
make him/her become vulnerable.
The truth is that it seems that today parents are in a rush of guaranteeing their
children’s success, however parents seem to be going more towards their own perspective
of success rather than allowing their child to decide which path should he/she take.
Childhood has become somehow a racetrack in which parents are racing their children
taking away their free time and making them drown in academic activities. For instance,
during the past decades children were described as playing freely on the streets and parks
while being foolish but very smart. Today’s child is different, there is no longer a sense of
playing on the streets or parks because parents are now giving their child extra curricular
activities. Whether it is sports, arts, music, or academic courses, children are being involved
in many of these activities due to their parent’s desire of success. Though this may not be
negative factors, what is wrong is that there is a competition among parents to decide who’s
child will have more opportunities in life, the one who is starting his/her extracurricular
activities since kindergarten, or the one who is left behind because of his/her parents lack of
academic pressure. It is the pressure parents put on their children to be the “best”.
The real question is to what extend are parents using their children as symbol of
their happiness and success? It seems that the more parents build their child the less they
have to worry about parenting. Parents rush their child to become something in life because
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it means that they could make their child do the things they never could. Some parents are
projecting their own wants onto children. Elkind believes “Symbols, therefore, free the
parent from the energy consuming task of recognizing and dealing with the child as a
totality, a whole person… They are ready at hand targets for projecting unfulfilled needs,
feelings, and emotions.” (Elkind, 280) parents rush their children through childhood by
making them active on a field that will eventually reflect a desire the parent wanted. For
instance, if a girl wants to play soccer but her mother always wanted to be a piano player,
the mother will reflect her desire by enrolling the girl into both piano lessons and soccer
even though the girls desire was only soccer. The fact that parents use children as symbol
of success and happiness means that the parents trick their child and themselves to think
that everything is right and that they both can find happiness by doing the things they both
love, sometimes the parents do not realize that what they love is not always what the child
wants.
Some parents have become self-centered because they may feel that they are victims
of this world. For instance, there are several cases that can affect parents and the most
common is divorce. Divorced parents tend to rely on their child to be their prize, so they
use it as a symbol that represents their long gone happiness. As the Journal of Sociology of
the Family describes in an article called Parental Stresses “We are, in fact, treating them as
simplified stereotypes, and this is because we are too wrapped up in our own illness,
worries or depression. Thus, we deal with our children as objects or symbols not as full
subjects, compelling them to adapt to our pressing demands on them.” (Elkind, 280) By
converting children into objects, some parent’s lives become more convenience. By trating
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the child as an object parents will have more time to deal with their own issues rather than
making their lives be revolved around the child. Everything parents do affect the child’s
development and growth. By doing this parents are harming their children, making them
live a life they might not have sign up for.
Children are likely to be a growing plant; the more it is watered and taken care the
better it will grow. Elkind believes “The first of these, perhaps originating in our nation’s
agricultural rural past, describes the child as a growing plant that needs to be nourished and
looked after, but that nevertheless may be trusted to develop according to its own inner
dynamic of growth” (Elkind, 275) parents should think twice before ruining their child’s
childhood. Taking away the right to live for a person is a sin, and should not be done,
especially if that person came to the world because of both parents. The child should be
able to adapt to the world by his own views, though the parents should be the one teaching
and implementing values and morals, it is the child’s decision to decide when to leave
childhood behind, and when to achieve maturity. Both the child and the parent should adapt
to the environment they are both living in.
Parenting becomes difficult when the effect of stress comes between the relationship
of the parents and the child. Most children look at their parents as their role model, they
imitate whatever they do, whether it is good or not, they do not have the maturity to define
it, yet they have enough skills to learn it and start doing it. Children should not grow up in a
place where their role models are selfish towards them because it will only make the child
unhappy. Children are lucky to have at least 10 to 12 years of childhood, and about 7 more
years to be foolish. This is their time to enjoy a world that they might not see after they
become 18 years old and they have to deal with the real world that will haunt them until
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their death. Childhood should be given back to our children rather than taken away. Parents
should know this better because they have gone through childhood and through the real
world. Most people will give anything to have another second chance at their childhood.
Work cited
Elkind, David. "PARENTAL STRESSES: THEIR DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS ON THE
EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING OF CHILDREN." International Journal of Sociology
of
the
Family
2nd
ser.
12
(n.d.):
<http://www.jstor.org/stable/23027691>.
Elkind, David. “Childhood Ends” Growing Up
Erikson, Erik. “Psychological Stages Chart”
275-280.
Jstor.
Web.