Why People Leave the
LDS Church, and what
family/friends/community
can do about it
By John P. Dehlin
About Me – John P. Dehlin
• 5th/6th generation Mormon
– Ezra T. Benson, Samuel Rose Parkinson
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Lifelong member. Still active.
Mission in Guatemala, Arizona
Married in Temple
Currently serving as Elder’s Quorum
Instructor
• Former early morning seminary instructor
Every year, thousands of devout
members leave the LDS Church, or
go inactive
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•
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•
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5th or 6th generation Mormons
Descendents of prominent church leaders
Returned missionaries
Married in the temple
Families
Worldwide Church Activity Rates
Active
Inactive
Active
4-5M
Inactive
7-8M
Salt Lake Tribune,
Merrill Bateman
The easy answers….
• “Sinners”
• “Weak”
• “Stopped going to the temple, or reading
scriptures”
• “Internet”
• “Anti-Mormon literature”
For some this may be true, but for others,
the answer is much more
complicated….and these assumptions can
be highly insulting
Why would anyone leave the
LDS church?
(What are they thinking/feeling? You
cannot befriend/reach/help them if you
don’t TRULY understand them)
Here’s how it happens
(This is not to expose you to
dangerous things…it’s to bring you to
where they are if you intend to help)
Some seminal event…
• Called as seminary or Gospel doctrine
teacher
• Watching some random TV show
• Some big news event
• Get a hold of some book or magazine
article
• A close friend or family member
• Anti-Mormon literature
Southpark -- ”About the Mormons”
Larry King / Gordon B. Hinckley
On Polygamy:
“It’s not
doctrinal”
On God once
being a man:
“I don’t know
much about it.
I don’t know
that we teach
it.”
Newsweek
“After Smith ordered an antagonistic
printing press destroyed …”
“By the end of his life, he had
accrued some 30 wives, massive
debt and hundreds of enemies. ‘I
never told you I was perfect,’ he told
his followers. “
"Decades of serious and honest
scholarship have failed to uncover
credible evidence that these Book of
Mormon civilizations ever existed,"
--Southerton
Mark Hoffman
“But why, some still
ask, were his deceits
not detected by the
several Church
leaders with whom he
met?”
-- Dallin H. Oaks
Brigham Young – Journal of Discourses
"You see some classes of the human family
that are black, uncouth, uncomely,
disagreeable and low in their habits, wild,
and seemingly deprived of nearly all the
blessings of the intelligence that is
generally bestowed upon mankind. …the
Lord put a mark upon him, which is the flat
nose and black skin. Trace mankind down
to after the flood, and then another curse is
pronounced upon the same race — that
they should be the 'servant of servants;'
and they will be, until that curse is
removed; and the Abolitionists cannot help
it, nor in the least alter that decree"
--Brigham Young JOD v. 7 p. 290
"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the
African race? If the white man who belongs to the
chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of
Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death
on the spot. This will always be so"
--Brigham Young JOD vol. 10, p. 109
Written by David O. McKay’s Neice
They go to Google
How we’re taught
things are/were….
Bad/Black
How things really
are/were….
Good/White
Shades and color
“The Gap”
Notice the
dramatic
difference.
This “gap”
realization
is what
they are
going
through
Simple
Complex
Their world falls apart
An Introduction to the Major
Issues
3 Disclaimers:
• Everything I show you here can be easily
substantiated through church publications.
None of this is based on “anti-Mormon literature”
• In no part of this presentation am I blaming the
“brethren” or GA’s. I believe most of the issues I
show are with general membership, not
leadership
• NONE of what I’m about to show you proves the
church is “not true”. Not one thing.
What I learned growing up in the Church
• Joseph Smith
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Was a pure, innocent boy
Turned down alcohol in surgery
Saw God and Jesus
Translated the Book of Mormon using the “Urim and
Thumim”
Had one wife—Emma
Was falsely accused and persecuted
“Lamb to the slaughter”
Was 2nd to Jesus in righteousness
What the history/facts seem to tell us
Aside from all the good we know about Joseph…we also know that….
• Joseph used a “magical peep stone” to help people try to find buried
treasure (Many sources). This was the reason for some of the early
“trials” and court cases involving Joseph (Court records)
• First vision has multiple, and varied accounts (Pres. Hinckley)
• The same peep stone mentioned above was used to “translate” the
Book of Mormon--stone in a hat, plates not in sight. (Russell M.
Nelson)
• Joseph drank beer and wine as an adult (his own journal)
• Joseph had 30 wives, some of them married to other men, several
teenagers (familysearch.org)
• Joseph denied polygamy publicly (Oaks)
• Exposure of polygamy and destruction of printing press led to
martyrdom (Oaks)
What I learned growing up in the Church
• Book of Mormon
– “Most correct book on earth”
– Found in the Hill Cumorah, in NY, where it
was buried by Moroni
– Is a history of the Native Americans of
Central, South, and North America
• Book of Abraham
– Translated from papyrus
What the history/facts seem to tell us
Aside from all the good in the Book of Mormon
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•
•
•
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Has had over 4,000 changes. Many minor, some major
Geography? “Narrow neck”?
Which Cumorah? Where is Cumorah? No one knows.
Where are the steel swords? Armor? Bones?
Horses? Elephants? Steel? Barley? Wheat? 7 day
calendar?
• DNA? 95+% Asiatic
• Who are the Lamanites?
• View of the Hebrews
Book of Abrham--Experts agree (Nibley included)—is not a
translation of the papyrus
What I learned growing up in the Church
• Church Leadership
– “Follow the prophet”
– The prophet “talks with God”
– Words of modern prophets are scripture. “When the
brethren have spoken, the discussion ends”
– Mormon Doctrine was just that.
– LDS General Authorities are among the most
righteous people in the world.
What the history/facts seem to tell us
In spite of having some great leaders, they have not been perfect
• Brigham Young
– Adam-God theory, Blood atonement
– Racist teachings
• Journal of Discourses: Dead
• Church History: Less than candid
• Big changes
– Polygamy: from everlasting to embarrassment
– Blacks: from “never in this life” to “what ban?” “Policy not doctrine”
• Mormon Doctrine
– Massive errors. Elder McConkie censured and punished
• Paul Dunn, George P. Lee, Richard Lyman
• Mark Hoffman
• Abuses
– Sexual
– Baptismal
– Ecclesiastical
What I learned growing up in the Church
• Church Doctrine
– Same yesterday, today, and forever
– Straight from God to the Prophets
• Word of Wisdom
– Joseph turned down wine, Jesus drank grape juice
• Temple Ceremony
– Direct from God
What the history/facts seem to tell us
Pres. Hinckley on Larry King:
– On men becoming Gods and vice versa: “I don’t know
that we teach it. I don’t know that we emphasize it.”
– On polygamy “Not doctrinal”
• Word of Wisdom
– Not commandment until early 1900s. Many
prophets/apostles drank/used tobacco
– Joseph had a bar in his mansion. Drank wine the
night before he was murdered.
• Temple Ceremony
– Many direct connections to Masonic lodge
– Drastic changes in ceremony from inception to now
Again…NONE of this proves the
church is false. Much of it has
very reasonable explanations.
But….think about the gap between
what was taught or
understood/believed, and what really
was/is. It’s HUGE.
How they feel
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•
•
•
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Stunned
Betrayed/Lied to
“Cover up”
Disgusted
Angry
Their
world/church
view was
this….
And now
they realize
that it’s
really like
this
Once this happens to you…
• You never look at Joseph Smith the same way
again
• You never look at scripture the same way again
• You never look at the church the same way
again
• You never think of “authority” the same way
again
• Your concept of God and Jesus and the “one
true church” can change dramatically
How do We Treat Those Who Leave?
• Fear
• Labels – “Anti-Mormon”, “Ex-Mormon”,
“Apostate”, “Dangerous”, “Arc-Steadiers”
• Cease communication
• Ostracize/Distance
• Results
– Divorce, Dissolution of Family
– Loss of community
– Job loss
What did Jesus Do?
• Associated with everyone (Publicans, etc.)
• Defended those that were struggling
against the “religious”
• “Go after the 1….leave the 99”
• “Go the extra mile. Carry their load”
• “Turn the other cheek”
• Listened, loved
How to help—What NOT to do
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•
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Fear
Judge
Distance/ostracize
Make them a project
– I/it (object) vs. I/Thou (person)
• Pressure/“Guilt trip”
• Try to justify or practice “bad apologetics”
How to help—What TO do
• Validate & acknowledge.
• Empathize. Unconditional love. Embrace
• Genuine friendships (regardless of church
status)
• Provide open forums. Listen and learn.
• Instigate a broader education of membership
• Try to find callings that will benefit both sides
• Provide positive role models (Sunstone,
Dialogue, FAIR, Bloggernacle, etc.)
• Ultimately respect free agency (but not as a
threat)
– Express ultimate desire for their happiness, and
decide UP FRONT that this relationship is not tied to
their return to church (and mean it)
Things for them to Consider
• Is perfection, or even the lack of major flaws, the
measure of affiliation/relationships?
– Where is the perfect church? Government?
Business? Marriage? Family?
– If “lack of major flaws” were the criteria, what
relationship would survive?
• Do we ever have an obligation to help make
things better, vs. pack up and leave?
• There are role models
– Sunstone, Dialogue, FAIR, FARMS, Bloggernacle
• Forget “true”….consider “good”
– What will bring you the most joy?
• Look to the Church as a good place to SERVE
• You CAN be a Mormon on your own terms
– At the core, everyone is
And finally…
• Can people be deeply flawed, and still be
inspired by God? (think Jonah, David,
Peter, Judas, Lehi, etc.)
• Can scripture be flawed, and remain
inspired by God? (think Old and New
Testaments)
• Can the Church make mistakes,
sometimes even very serious ones, and
still be inspired of God?
Part of maturity, I would argue, is finding
out that things aren’t like thought…but
deciding not to give up.