Perfectionism
A Guide for Parents
of a Perfectionistic
Gifted Child
By Christen Timmins
Southeastern Louisiana University
Think about . . .

What does the term “perfectionism” mean to you?

What are some characteristics of perfectionists?

Is perfectionism good or bad? Or both?
Definition
“Perfectionism is a combination of thoughts
and behaviors generally associated with high
standards or expectations for one’s own
performance.” (Schuler, p. 71)
So is perfectionism good or bad?
The truth is perfectionism can be either.
Unhealthy forms of perfectionism can cause
“intense frustration and paralysis.”
Healthy forms of perfectionism can cause “intense
satisfaction and creative contribution.”
(Schuler, p. 71)
Healthy vs. Unhealthy:
How can you tell the difference?
Unhealthy perfectionists tie their self-worth
to their ability (or inability) to perform all of
life’s tasks perfectly. This kind of
perfectionism is unhealthy because no one is
perfect. Individuals with unhealthy
perfectionism suffer from low self-esteem
and low self-worth because they feel they
are never good enough.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy:
How can you tell the difference?
Healthy perfectionists set high goals but do
not tie their self-worth to their ability to
constantly obtain those goals. They still work
hard but are more easily able to accept a
final product that is “good enough” but not
perfect.
Healthy



vs.
Mistakes are a
learning experience
Willing to take creative
risks
Enjoy successes and
proud of past
accomplishments
Unhealthy

Mistakes are failures

Not willing to take risks
for fear of failure
Do NOT recognize and
enjoy accomplishments
because too worried
about “the next thing”

Consequences of
Unhealthy Perfectionism








Mood Swings
Shame
Guilt
Shyness
Procrastination – “Why start if I can’t do it
perfectly?”
Minimization of past accomplishments
Decreased willingness to take creative risks.
The number of achievements is more important
than the quality
SERIOUS Consequences of
Unhealthy Perfectionism






Depression
Eating disorders
Writer’s block
Migraines
Sexual dysfunction
Obsessive-compulsive
personality disorders



Dysmorphophobia – an
obsession with an
imagined physical
deformity
Suicide
Type-A coronary-prone
behavior
Tip 1: Understand that perfectionism is NOT
a disease that needs to be cured.
Perfectionism can be good and healthy because
setting high goals can lead the realization of one’s
academic, creative, or emotional potential.
However, perfectionism can become unhealthy when
the child defines his self-worth in terms of his ability
to be perfect. It is the unhealthy level of
perfectionism that parents need to watch out for and
help correct.
Tip 2: Watch what you say!
“Just do your best” can mean “just be perfect” to an
unhealthy perfectionist.
Instead say something like:
“I’m ok with whatever the outcome is, as long as
I know you made an attempt”
And Mean It!
Tip 3: Redefine “failures” as learning
experiences.
•
Help your teen recognize what can be
learned from a mistake, then help him/her
apply that knowledge to finishing that task or
to doing a similar task.
•
Be a role model – share your mistakes (big
or small) and what you’ve learned from them.
Tip 3: Redefine “failures” as learning
experiences. (continued)
•
Suggest books or movies about famous people
who viewed “failures” as learning experiences.
For example, it took Thomas Edison 1,500 tries to
find the right material to use as filament for the
light bulb! (See links in “More Resources” to find
appropriate books.)
Tip 4: Help procrastinators with time
management.



Help break big projects up into smaller parts
Help set goals and deadlines for each part
Remove distractions from study area
Tip 5: Help relieve stress.

Use humor! Jokes, being
silly, comic strips, funny
movies, etc. can all help to
break the tension.

Encourage exercise! Go for
a walk together, go to the
park, ride bikes, whatever’s
fun . . . just make sure it’s
non-competitive!
Tip 6: Listen to your child.
When your teen opens up about self-doubt or stress,
 Listen to and acknowledge your teen’s feelings.
 Don’t dismiss or minimize emotions. What your teen
is feeling is very real and important to him/her.
 Let your teen know he/she is not alone in their
feelings.
 Be willing to help find solutions
to problems, but only if your child asks!
Tip 7: Unconditional Love
Remind your teen that
you love them no matter what!
Try This!
1) Click on the link below to take a
perfectionism survey. You can either
answer questions based your own feelings or
based on how you think your teen would
answer. Be sure to print or write down your
results.
Perfectionism Survey
2) Now ask your teen to answer the same
survey. Here’s the link again.
Perfectionism Survey
3) Compare and discuss your results.
More Resources . . . Just Click
Hoagies’: Perfectionism and the Gifted Child
Part of the vast Hoagies’ website, this page contains a long list of links to journal
articles and books about perfectionism. (The whole Hoagies’ Gifted Education
Page site is a great resource because it contains “all things gifted.”)
Hoagies’ Biographies Reading List
Again part of the Hoagies’ website, this page contains suggested biographies of
famous people. This is a good place to start if you want to find books about gifted
people and their struggles to succeed.
Interviews with American Icons
This link will take you to the home page of Academy of Achievement: A Museum of
Living History. Scroll to the bottom of the page for links to transcripts of interviews
with some of today’s living (and some now deceased) legends. This is another
great resource for your teen to learn about gifted people, their struggles, and
accomplishments.
About the Author
Hi! My name is Christen Timmins. I am a Covington High alum and a product
of the G/T programs in Jefferson and St. Tammany parishes. I have a B.S. in
Secondary Mathematics Education from Northwestern State University and 6
years teaching experience in Louisiana and Texas. Currently, I am finishing up
a Masters degree in Special Education – Gifted at Southeastern. This
PowerPoint was created to fulfill one of the requirements of EDUC 618:
Counseling the Gifted. I hope you found it informative and helpful.
I would love your feedback about this PowerPoint!
Please e-mail your thoughts, comments, and/or questions to:
christen.timmins@selu.edu
(Please “cut & paste” my address into your e-mail. My name is very easy to misspell!)
References
Mackay, L. Understanding the gifted …perfectionist. Retrieved July
29, 2008,from mackayseminars.com/presentations/
Understanding_the_Gifted_Underachiever_and_
Perfectionist.ppt
Schuler, P. (2002). Perfectionism in gifted children and
adolescents. In Neihart, M., Reis, S., Robinson, N., & Moon, S.
(Ed.), The Social and Emotional Development of Gifted
Children: What do we know? (pp. 71-79). Washington D.C.:
Purfrock Press Inc.
Silverman, L. (1993). Counseling the Gifted and Talented. Denver:
Love Publishing Company.