Chapter 5
Healthy Relationships and
Sexuality
Making Commitments
Intimate Relationships
• Close relationship
you offer and are offered
• validation
• understanding
• sense of being valued
intellectually, emotionally
and physically
Characteristics
Behavioral Interdependence
• mutual impact on each other
• daily activities intertwined
• grow together
• missed if gone
Characteristics
Need Fulfillment
• approval/sense of purpose…….
• need for intimacy - share feeling
• social integration (worries and
concerns)…….
• being nurturant - someone to take
care of…….
• need for assistance - help when
needed……….
• affirmation of worth - we
matter…….
Characteristics
Emotional attachment
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•
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feelings of love and attachment
impossible to judge from outside
can be sexual or non-sexual
intimate relationships go beyond
sexual contact
• can be an important part but not
a requirement
Emotional Availability
• to give and receive
emotionally
• without the fear of
being hurt or
rejected
• times to be less
emotionally available
- recovery from loss
Types of Intimate Relationships
Balanced Intimacy…several dimensions
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Sexual - expression of closeness
Intellectual - sharing of ideas
Emotional - significant feeling
Aesthetic - sharing experiences
Recreational - having fun
Work - house, family, employment and
community
• Crisis - successful coping with internal
and external threats
• Spiritual - sharing the meaning of life
Forming Intimate Relationships
Changes throughout life
• family, friends, co-workers and
acquaintances
• Families - changed over the
years both parents working, life’s
demands and society
• Is today’s Family………..
different???
Friendships: finding the Right
Ingredients
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•
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Enjoyment
Acceptance
Trust
Respect
Mutual Assistance
Confiding
Understanding
Spontaneity
Significant Others, Partners, Couples
Sexual Relationships
Four Categories:
• married heterosexual couples
• cohabiting heterosexual
couples
• lesbian couples
• gay male couples
Friendship with Passion
• Fascination - spend as much time as
possible with the other person
• Exclusiveness - love relationship takes
priority/only person
• Sexual Desire - physical intimacy may
not be acted upon b/c of religious,
moral, or practical reasons
• Giving the Utmost - other’s
need/sacrifice
• Being a champion/advocate - unselfish
acts to help other succeed
LOVE
Companionate:
family/close friends
relationship - common
interests/attached/wellbeing/express
reciprocal liking & respect
Passionate:
state of high
arousal/ecstasy of love - agony
of rejection
Passionate Love…..
• concept of “Falling in Love” excepted
by culture
• suitable “love Object”must be presented
taught attributes to seek out - parents,
peers, pop culture……..
• physiological arousal in presence of
person!
Attraction and Love!
• Imprinting…… evolutionary patterns,
genetic predisposition, past
experiences….. trigger romantic
response
• Attraction……neurochemicals feelings of euphoria and elation
• Attachment……endorphins, natural
opiates - peaceful, secure and calm
• Production of a cuddle chemical…..
oxytocin - satisfaction and attachment
during love making...
Fourth Year Divorce Rate Present in 60 cultures
• Tolerance to PEA
levels drop and the
feeling of love
reduces
• Past four years endorphins soothing substances
that give lovers the
feeling of peace,
security and calm
Gender Issues: Men, Women, and
Relationships
• Understanding and
communication very
important
• styles of men and
women differ
• can create problems /
seems like different
cultures
• Differences Why?
Barriers to Intimacy - lack of personal
identity, emotional immaturity, not responsible, fear
of being hurt, low self-esteem….
• Other reasons
• Dysfunctional Family
- interactions inhibit
instead of enhancing
psychological growth
• Jealousy - adverse
reaction to from actual
or perceived
relationships with a
third party
Committed Relationships
• Feeling of love or sexual
attraction
• and a committed
relationship….?
• Love without
• Sex without
• Committed - intention to
perpetuate wellbeing of the
other person, yourself and
the relationship
Marriage - traditional committed
relationship in many societies
• Monogamy - exclusive sexual
involvement / one partner
• Serial monogamy- series of
monogamous relationships
• Open Relationship - agreed sexual
involvement outside the relationship
• Cohabitation - Living together / not
married
• Common-law marriage - cohabitation
3 years / similar to marriage but not all
legal aspects
Success in Committed
Relationships
• Marriage - success
based on how long the
couple stays together
• Cohabitation - meets
other’s situations and
needs
• Both can be healthy
and successful
Success in Committed
Relationships
• Partnering Scripts - what is
expected from society / passed
along from parents - “marry and
have children”
• Accountability - responsibility for
personal decisions, choices and
actions
• Self-nurturance - developing
individual potential / realistic
/appreciation for self-worth and
ability
Elements of a Good Relationship
• Predictability - knowing
your partner
• Dependability - reliable /
supportive
• Faith - certain about
partner’s intentions &
behaviours
• Trust
Ending a Relationship
The Warning Signs!
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Communication breakdown
lack of interest
emotional confrontations
feelings of being
unappreciated / unwanted /
unloved
• Autonomy -self-care /
emotionally, socially, and
physically
Seeking Help: Where to Look - trusted
friends / trained professional counsellors
• Seeking Help: Where to Look trusted friend / trained
professional counsellors
• Trial Separations - time out to
heal and to reflect on the
relationship / professional help
• Why Relationships End
• Unmet needs, differences, loss
of a child ….. Many …. many
reasons
Deciding to Break Up
• Troubled couples
decide relationship not
worth saving
• Difficult - strong
emotions, pain, guilt,
revenge, hurt,
confusion,
worthlessness
• Seek support and help
to cope
Defining Your Sexual Identity
• We are born sexual beings
• Taboos, mores. Laws and
sexual myths abound!
• Must be comfortable with
personal sexual identity
• Sexual Identity recognition of ourselves as
sexual creatures
• Genetic / environmental /
physiological factors
XX a Female / XY a Male
• Gonads - reproductive
organs / male (testes) or
female (ovaries)
• Puberty - sexual maturation
• Pituitary Gland - controls
release of hormones from
gonads
• Secondary sex
characteristics - associated
with gender but not
reproduction
Gender Identity and Roles
• Gender - sense of Masculinity
or Femininity / your society &
culture
• Gender Roles / stereotypes generalization to how males
and females should express
their gender
• Androgyny - male and female
traits in same person
Gender Identity and Roles
• Socialization - society
identifies behaviours
for it’s members
• information from
parents, schools,
friends, popular
culture, tradition…...
Reproductive Anatomy and
Physiology
External Female Genitals
Vulva - external genitalia
Labia Minora - “Inner lips”or
folds of tissues
Labia Majora - “Outer Lips”or
folds of tissues covering sexual
organs
Clitoris - pea-sized nodule on top
of the LM
Urethral opening - urination
External Female Genitals
• Vagina - passage
leading from vulva to
uterus
• Hymen - thin tissue
covering the vaginal
opening
• Perineum - tissue
extending from vulva
to anus
Internal Female Genitals
• Uterus (womb) - hollow
area to contain foetus
• Endometrium - uterine
lining
• Cervix - lower end of
uterus
• Ovaries - houses
developing eggs and
produces hormones
• Fallopian Tubes - tubes
extending from ovaries to
uterus
Onset of Puberty and the Menstrual Cycle
• Puberty - maturation of
female and male
reproduction systems
• Pituitary Gland (in brain) controls reproduction
system
• Hypothalamus - work with
pituitary gland
• Gonadotropin-releasing
hormone (GnRH) - PG to
release Gonadotropins
Onset of Puberty and the Menstrual
Cycle
• Follicle - stimulating hormone (FSH)
- signals ovaries to release egg /
produces estrogen
• Luteinizing hormone (LH) - signals
the release of egg + produce
progesterone
• Estrogens - hormones that control
menstrual cycle
• Progesterone - helps develop the
endometrium
Onset of Puberty and the Menstrual
Cycle
• Menarche - first menstrual period
• Ovarian Follicles (egg sacs) where
individual eggs develop
• Ovulation - egg passes through
ovarian wall
• Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
(HCG) - if egg is fertilized
increases levels of estrogen and
progesterone
• Menopause - permanent cessation
of menstruation
Male Reproductive Anatomy and
Physiology
• External Male Genitals - penis
and scrotum
• Penis - male sexual organ to
release sperm into vagina
• Scrotum - sac of tissues that
encloses the testes
Male Reproductive Anatomy and
Physiology
• Internal Male genitals testes, epididymides, vasa
deferentia, ejaculatory
ducts, urethra and
accessory glands
• Accessory glands seminal vesicles, prostrate
gland and Cowper’s gland
• Ejaculation - propulsion
of semen from the penis
Male Reproductive Anatomy and
Physiology
• Testes - Two Organs,
located in the scrotum,
manufacture sperm and
produce hormones
• Testosterone - male sex
hormone
• Spermatogenesis development of sperm
• Epididymis - place for
sperm maturation
Male Reproductive Anatomy
and Physiology
• Vas deferens - tube transports
sperm to penis
• Seminal vesicles storage for
sperm and nutrient fluids added
• Semen - fluid comprised of
sperm + nutrients
• Prostrate gland - secretes
nutrients and neutralizing fluids
• Foreskin - flap covering penis /
remove during circumcision
Expressing Your Sexuality
• Human Sexual Response - male
and female common stages
• excitement/arousal
• plateau
• orgasm
• resolution
• refractory period (some males)
• Vasoconstriction - engorgement of
sexual organs with blood
Sexual Orientation - attraction and
interest in members of the opposite sex, same sex,
both sexes in emotional, social and sexual situations
• Heterosexual - attraction and
sexual preference for the
opposite sex
• Homosexual - same sex
preferences and attraction
• Bisexual - both sexes
• Homophobia - irrational
hatred and fear of
homosexuality and
homosexuals
Sexual Expression
What are your Options?
• Celibacy - a person not involved in
sexual relationships
• Autoerotic behaviours - sexual
self-stimulation
• Sexual Fantasies - sexually
arousing thoughts and dreams
• Masturbation - self-stimulation of
genitals
• Erogenous zones - areas of the
body both male and female that
when touched create sexual
stimulation
Sexual Expression
• Cunnilingus - oral
stimulation of the
female genitals
• Fellatio - oral
stimulation of male’s
genitals
• Anal Intercourse
insertion of the penis
into the anus
Sexual Expression
• Vaginal Intercourse insertion of penis
into the vagina
• Variant Sexual
Behaviour - sexual
behaviours not
commonly practiced
Difficulties that Can Hinder
Sexual Functioning
• Sexual Dysfunction problems preventing sexual
satisfaction
• Inhibited Sexual Desire - lack
of interest in sexual
behaviour
• Sexual Aversion Disorders sexual phobias/ anxieties
about sexual contact
Difficulties that Can Hinder
Sexual Functioning
• Erectile Dysfunction - “AKA”
impotence: a difficulty achieving
and maintaining an erection
during intercourse
• Premature Ejaculation ejaculation occurs just prior to
or immediately following
penetration of the vagina
• Retarded Ejaculation -inability
to ejaculate once penis is erect
Difficulties that Can Hinder
Sexual Functioning
• Preorgasmic - state of never
achieving an orgasm
• Dyspareunia - pain
experiences by women
during intercourse
• Vaginismus - vaginal
muscles contract so
forcefully that penetration
cannot be accomplished