Marriage
(Negotiating Roles and
Conflict Resolution)
Lesson Learning Goals
C2.3 analyse ways in which roles are
negotiated in intimate relationships
Negotiating Roles
Negotiating Roles
• Couples negotiate the roles that each will play in
their relationship.
• Each couple decides if they will accept traditional
roles (as reinforced by family and media), or if
they will resist them and create new roles for their
own relationship.
Systems Theory Skit
 Read “Roles in a Marital System”, p. 225.
 Create a skit about a couple negotiating to reach
an agreement about house work, bed time,
friendships, money, etc.
Success Criteria:
1. One partner does something.
2. The other partner provides feedback over time to
accept, adapt, or reject that choice.
3. Through this process of negotiating, create
reciprocal roles in which the behaviours of both
partners support and balance each other.
Meeting Each Other’s Needs
• The “natural” basis for couple relationships is
reproduction.
• Functionalists explain that marriage serves
important and clearly defined economic and
social purposes.
• Compassionate relationships are a fairly recent
social invention, and therefore spouses have to
learn how to give and take to meet each other’s
social and emotional needs.
• It is important to take an assertive “I” position
and advocate for your own needs.
Traditional Roles
• Some argue that traditional roles are
needs for a stable marriage or men,
women, and children will suffer.
• Others argue that traditional roles
prevent women and men from
achieving their human potential.
Readings: Matrimony as the Ultimate
Adventure, p. 226-227
Lesson 4: Happy Marriages
Conflict in Relationships
• Conflict is natural in marriage because
of the challenges people face in their
lives together.
• Conflict theory suggests that conflict
is inevitable in couple relationships.
Three related dilemmas exist:
– Individual versus collective interest
– Women’s rights versus male entitlement
– “mine” versus “yours”
• On a personal level within the marriage,
the common conflicts resulting from
these dilemmas concern two issues:
1. Division of labour
2. Expressive quality of the relationship
*In compassionate relationship the goal is
to maintain intimacy.
Problems in Relationships
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Balancing job and family
Frequency of sexual relations
Debt brought into marriage
Husband’s employment
Financial situation
Household tasks
Power
• According to conflict theory, it all comes
down to power.
• Individuals require power to influence
each other.
• The principle of least interest
explains that the person with the least
commitment to the relationship actually
has the greatest power, since the
person who wants the relationship is
more willing to be flexible.
Activity
1. Read “Why Marriages Succeed or
Fail”, p. 230.
2. Answer question #1.
3. What behaviour can threaten the
stability of a marriage?
Resolving Conflict
There are several strategies for managing conflict
in relationships:
1.Express opinions, positions, and wants openly
and honestly.
2.Remain focused on the problem at hand.
3.Try to understand the other person’s
perspective.
4.Recognize your own influence on the interaction
and the other person’s response.
5.Respond with a positive, not negative, attitude.
6.Be willing to compromise and negotiate a
solution that satisfies both partners.
Activity
1. Read “Nine ‘Psychological Tasks’
Needed for a Good Marriage”, p. 236.
2. Reword, into your own words to show
me you understand, the nine
psychological tasks of a happy
marriage.
Marriages Made to Last
Characteristics of a successful marriage:
1.Having similar values
2.Enjoying similar leisure-time activities
3.Pooling their income
4.Sharing power and decision making in
their relationship
5.Having friends in common
6.Having an active social life together