To Be or Not to Be a Working Mother
Motherhood, it has been around since the beginning of time. Something that
once seemed to be such a simple choice has now come to a point where woman have
to choose between whether or not to be a stay at home mom or a working mother. Is
one way better than the other? It is a choice that will one day affect more than just that
one woman; it will affect the lives of her children.
I came from a home where my mother was a
stay at home mom. However I am a working mother.
Did I choose this life or did it choose me? When I was
nineteen and found myself pregnant and unmarried, I
had to ask myself a question; do I want to be a stay at
home mother, a working mother, or do I want to try and
do something more with my life? The answer was not
an easy one. I needed to provide for the life that was
growing inside me. The father of the baby was still around and wanted to get married. I
said yes but the wedding would have to wait until things were more under control and I
had to make sure that this was the right path for me and my unborn child.
“You don't need us to tell you that new-mother guilt is pervasive in our culture.
American women have a clash of social ideals between the perfect worker who puts in
40-plus hours a week and the perfect mom who stays home with her kids”, notes Joan
Williams, PhD, author of Unbending Gender: Why Family and Work Conflict and What
to Do About It (Oxford University Press). Trying to fit themselves into both molds leaves
many moms feeling inadequate. “Your parents, spouse, or friends may fuel this guilt by
making you feel as if you're abandoning your kids by working -- or that you're not
committed enough to your career.” (Kotz)
After viewing the cost of living, how much school would cost and how much it
would be to have a sitter for my child, I found that there was no other option but for me
than to work. I figured that I would go to school so that I could get a job some day in the
field that I wanted to work in. The problem there was that I didn’t know what I wanted to
do with my life. It was full of trails and errors. Now almost ten years later I am still a
student, wife and most important a working mom. Do I regret the decisions that I have
made? No. The choice had not always been easy, but I now have two wonderful kids, a
husband who loves me and a beautiful home.
No matter how many hours the mother is working, the most important thing that
has to be remembered is that quality time with the children is a must. The smallest
touch of a huge or a kiss can make a big difference in the behavior of the child.
According to Dr. Mehrotra, it is not the quantity of time mothers spend with their children
but the quality that matters. "A working mother who spends one hour of quality time
every day with her child will probably establish a better bond with her child than one
who is home nagging the child all the time." (Dr. Sushma Mehrotra)
When I look at my life compared to my mother’s I see can see why she made the
choice to be a stay at home mom rather than being a working mom. For one she had six
kids to rise and I only have two. The cost for day care would have been through the roof
for her. So it was more cost effective for her to stay home with us. Plus she also had my
dad to rely on. My father was the provider for the family and because he was working all
the time I didn’t get to see him a whole lot; I learned to
depend more on my mom for the things that I needed
rather than my father. No matter what needed to get
done my mom always was there to help and to offer
some advice. I wondered sometimes how she
managed to do all the things she did and not go crazy.
The other part of my mother that I witnessed was how
my mother would often go without a lot of things. We
only had one car, and she would make our clothes
rather than buy them. She would also make sure that all of her kids had a good pair of
shoes before she even thought of getting some for herself. I wondered if her life ever
seemed fulfilled.
“You need to find ways to feel stimulated and honor your mental abilities”, says
Craddock. If you don't do it for yourself, no one else will do it for you. This may mean
arranging for a sitter so you can take a class, joining a book club, or volunteering for a
cause that means something to you. “If you miss the regularity of a work schedule and
the camaraderie of coworkers -- not to mention the easy access to adult conversations - create a system that meets these needs”. (Kotz)
I made the best decision for me. Just like my mother before me. Making the
decision to stay at home and be a homemaker vs. being a working mother is never an
easy thing to decide. The pros and cons definitely have to be weighed out before a
woman can decide. Ultimately a mother wants to be able to look back and say “Yes I
made the right decision for me and my family.” The thing to remember is nothing is
permanent and if things need to change to make things better for the family then it is
possible; that is the beauty about having a choice. Mothers will naturally do what is best
for their family.
Works Cited
Dr. Sushma Mehrotra, psychologist. "The Working Mother ." India Parenting. 7 February 2011
<http://www.indiaparenting.com/articles/data/art09_026.shtml>.
Kotz, Deborah. To Work or Not to Work?: 6 Dilemmas and Solutions. 7 February 2011
<http://www.parents.com/parenting/work/stay-home/to-work-or-not-to-work/?page=1>.
SPRAGINS, ELLYN. "LOVE & MONEY; Is My Mom Better Than Yours?" New York Times. New York Times, 1
July 2001.
Steven P. Shelov, MD, MS, FAAP Editor in Chief, Tanya Remer Altmann, MD, FAAP, Associate Medical
Editor. Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5. Elk Grove Village, IL: AMERICAN ACADEMY
OF PEDIATRICS, 2004.