Burns Group
Basic course
Lawyers Assistance
Program
Facilitated by Robert
Bircher
Chapter 1-Your thinking
creates your mood
• Process is about consciously changing
your mood-the way you feel is under
your control!
• Your thoughts create your feelings
• We are conditioned to believe external
events create our feelings
• Medical-blames biochemistry
• Sociology-blames your life
circumstances
• Psychology-blames past trauma or
internal conflict
• These influence how we create our
feelings but are not causal
Chapter 1-You create your
own reality
• The danger in attributing feelings to
external events is that it creates a
victim position and it is itself a
cognitive distortion
• Your feelings point to the thoughts
that created them
• See page 6 (what emotion causes most
of your pain?)
• Learn to be specific- “I feel bad” is not
helpful-what exactly do you feel?
• Also be clear about the difference
between a thought and a feeling
Chapter 1-Much of your
thinking is distorted!
• “I feel that you don’t show me your
feelings” “ I feel that you are a good
person”- are thoughts not feelings
• Most of your negative thoughts are
distorted and unrealistic-it is hard to
believe at first
• Probably at least 80% of your suffering
is unnecessary! You are reacting to a
mind created problem
• Probably only 20% of your negative
feelings are healthy and appropriate
• Circumstance-(optional story)-response
Chapter 1-Your happiness
depends on the story you tell
yourself
• Study the 10 forms of twisted thinking
and pick your favorites
• Self awareness-how do you create your
own anger or fear or anxiety? What
story do you tell yourself?
• How do you create your stress? What
story is necessary?
• CBT is not merely an intellectual
process-it is designed to change your
perceptions of yourself
Chapter 1-Your thinking
is conditioned
• CBT is not about being happy all
the time-it is about being honest
and realistic about what you think
about
• The main work of CBT is
overcoming conditioned thinkingcreated mainly by your upbringing
and cultural influences
• Reading-Exercises-Group process
will change the way you feel
about yourself-permanently!
Chapter 1-What is
“thinking”
• The “thinking” we are talking
about here are judgments about
yourself and others-not factual
thinking
• “I made a big mistake on a case-I
am a lousy lawyer and a worthless
bag of crap” this causes problemsas opposed to “today is
Wednesday”
• Most of your thinking, when you
are depressed is negative,
repetitive and useless and seems
almost unstoppable
Chapter 1 –Consciousness V.
Thinking
• Thinking is a part of consciousness- it
is easy to get lost in attachment to your
thinking and believe it is your “self”
• When your born you were conscious
and aware but not thinking- Learning
to speak and conceptualize is where the
distortions begin!" “You are such a
good boy when you do well in school”is the beginning of attaching your self
worth to endless achievement.” “We
love you when you do what Mommy
wants” is the beginning of attachment
to people pleasing
Chapter 1-The story we
tell ourselves
• The story we tell ourselves about
anything will affect how we feel-Fact: I
gained 5 pounds Story 1: I am a fat
undisciplined slob and am worthless
Story 2:I am happy to have gained this
weight Story 3:I want to weigh less so
I will diet Story 4: It is neither here nor
there what I weigh I love myself just as
I am Story 5:This the beginning of a
huge weight gain I won’t be able to
stop Story 6:My partner will think I am
fat and will start looking around
• The feeling follows the story
Chapter 1-Shakespeare
had it right
• “nothing is either good or bad but
thinking makes it so”
• “you’re about as happy as you make
your mind up to be” (Lincoln)
• “as a person thinketh ,so shall it be”
• CBT has been around for a long time
and many wise people “get it”
• Intellectually easy but can you actually
change how you think? Can you stop
thinking? Can you control your
thinking? Can you control what stories
you tell yourself? Are you doomed to
torturing yourself with your negative
self talk forever? This process provides
a solution
Changing Your Thinking
• CBT is about changing old conditioned
thinking and replacing it with new
accurate thinking-erasing old tapes and
replacing them with new ones
• The theory is simple-why is it so
difficult in practice? Because you are
in love with your thinking, believe it to
be the truth and are very reluctant to
give it up. Also there may be
unconscious payoffs to the old way of
thinking that keep you stuck
• I also believe your mind confuses
beliefs about facts with opinions
Changing your Thinking
• For example the thought “today is
Wednesday” is a fact-your mind won’t
want to change this, and this is good
because it is true-but if you believe “I
am a terrible lawyer because I make so
many mistakes” this is an opinion and
is full of distortions-yet your mind
clings to this belief as if it were also
true-The mind clings vigorously to
both thoughts and will resist change in
either of those thoughts
• Another reason is simple habituationpeople are very conditioned and think
and do the same things day after day
Changing your Thinking
• Psychological research shows about
98% of our thinking is repetitive from
day to day-also our daily routines
seldom vary-every morning I make
coffee and check my stocks on the
internet
• Changing conditioned thought patterns
is like changing anything else (like
changing the amount of food you eat) it
takes effort and repetition-the good
news-once you have done it, it tends to
stick!!
Changing your Thinking
• The ease that you change your thinking
depends on how attached you are to it.
This means how willing are you to give
it up?
• If you are not very attached to your
stories you can quickly replace them
with more accurate thoughts.
• Example: “I am a terrible Lawyer, I
made a mistake on a file” can be
replaced with “I made a mistake on a
file and will learn from it, all lawyers
make some mistakes”
Changing your Thinking
• The new belief must be believable by
your mind or it won’t work-some
people are so attached to their negative
story they have trouble with an equally
valid more positive story
• The believability is more important
even than accuracy, since a positive,
empowering belief will work whether
or not it is true-athletes do this all the
time “ I will win the championship”
works to the degree the person/ team
believes it
Changing your Thinking
• You actually change your thinking all
the time, in many areas of your life, all
the time-at one time you may have
believed an old guy with a white beard
in a red suit left you presents Dec 25ththis is not true!!, even though it
appeared to be true for a while
• When you discovered this was not true
(usually at school) you probably went
through some process before you
accepted the new belief. CBT is a
structured way of changing your
beliefs
Healthy Sadness vs.
Depression
• How much of your negative feelings
are OK?
• Life is such that some unhappiness is
inevitable and thus the question of
where to draw the line arises
• Some fear is very realistic, some
sadness is unavoidable etc. accordingly
it is useful to know within yourself
when these emotions become
unrealistic
• Some tests are useful:
• How long have you had the feeling?
Where to draw the
Emotional line
• Some people simply obsess about a
problem until it takes on a life of its
own-I have a friend that talks as if her
divorce were yesterday-in fact it was
15 years ago!-repeating and reliving
the same emotions for years is way
beyond healthy
• Does the worrying result in productive
action or simply more worrying? There
will be healthy sadness after a loss-a
pet dies, a relationship ends etc. but at
some point you are actually having a
feeling about a feeling- not the actual
event
Changing Your Thinking
C-5
• The process of changing your mind
involves the continued use of a Mood
Log-just thinking about changing
your thinking does not work-it must
be done in writing
• This process is necessary because your
thinking mind resists change even
though your existing thinking is
creating many more problems than it
solves
• One of the paradoxes in this process
is that your thinking is actually
creating the problem, in fact it is the
problem!
The Paradox of Changing
Your Thinking
• Another paradox is that your thinking mind
believes it is completely accurate and seems
to require proof in writing that its
interpretation of events is inaccurate or
distorted
• Your thinking mind is also quite sensitive to
criticism of its point of view so we must be
diplomatic when we suggest it’s interpretation
is wrong so we use the phrase cognitive
distortion so we won’t hurt its feelings-we are
always very gentle even when the automatic
thought is delusional or idiotic
• It is quite helpful to view your thinking mind
as a separate entity-this is where meditators
have an advantage
Completing Mood Logs
• Step 1: Write out the upsetting
event-it must be specific-but don’t
go into a story about it-Example
“I asked out a woman I met at a
conference and she said no”
• It can’t be vague like “Life Sucks”
or “I’m bored with my life” it
must be something that actually
occurred or could occur
• Step 2: Write down the feelings
this thought produces
Completing Mood Logs
• Use feeling words like sad, frustrated,
disappointed, angry, embarrassed,
upset, guilty etc.
• If it is more than one or two words it is
a thought not a feeling “I felt like a
loser” is a thought not a feeling-a
feeling is a body sensation not a
cognition
• Next rate the feeling on a scale of 1100 -100 being the maximum you
could have this emotion and 1 being
the least you could feel (You can use a
scale of 1-10 if you want)
Completing Mood Logs
• This is allow you to rate yourself
after the replacement thought and
to break the habit of all or nothing
thinking around emotions
• Step 3; Write down the thoughts
that those feelings are the result of
“I’m such a loser” is a thought
which will likely produce sadness
“I’ll be single forever” is another
thought which will result in
frustration or sadness or fear
Completing Mood Logs
• This is the story you tell yourselfit is an interpretation of events
that are neutral until you add the
story
• My partner came in late-is just a
fact-it is what is- “My partner is
so inconsiderate and arrogant” is a
story-this will result in emotions
• Automatic thoughts are what
comes up in your mind all by
itself
Completing Mood Logs
• Believability is the key here-if
someone says “the world will end
tomorrow” you won’t have any
feelings about it except to the degree
you believe it
• If the stock market crashes suddenly
you may think “Oh my God I will have
no retirement savings left-I’ll end up
collecting bottles from a dumpster” and
have emotions arising from this or you
could think “it goes up and down all
the time only the long term matters” or
“ I will worry about that when I am 65”
Clearly, you will have different
feelings depending on what your story
is
Distortions
• Step 4: Fill in the distortions that are
inherent in your automatic thoughtsthis helps convince your mind it is
making erroneous conclusions from
events
• Become familiar with your favorite
distortions for example: I often will get
into fortune telling and work hard
solving problems that don’t exist-some
people think only in terms of good or
bad with nothing in between-for
example: if I quit my law job I will end
up as a waitress at Starbucks
Rational Responses
• Step 5: Next we go to the
replacement thoughts-we have
erased (or at least challenged) the
old thoughts, now we need new
and improved ones, free of
distortions
• The trick is believable, more
rational, more realistic alternate
beliefs
• The new belief will be useful and
positive and will result in action
rather than being stuck in victim
mode
Rational Responses
• Example (after a relationship ending)
‘I’m old ,unattractive and probably will
be alone the rest of my life in misery
and loneliness”
• Replacement belief “Endings are hard
but being single is the same as being in
a relationship except with a different
set of problems and benefits” or even
better “I walked the path of life with
this amazing person and now it is time
to walk alone for a while, I will
continue to enjoy life either way”
Rational Responses
• Your thinking mind won’t like the
new story and will rebel against it
with thoughts like “this is ridiculous,
I don’t believe the new thought
because it is not true-my old thought
is the truth” or “these Jedi mind
tricks won’t work on me- I am too
smart for them”
• At this point it is useful to know what
the benefits are to the old beliefs-sort
of a cost benefit analysis
Rational Responses
• The usual benefits of the old beliefs are: I
don’t have to do or change anything, I can
stay safe blaming others, it is comfortable-I
don’t have to challenge my old beliefs-for
some people there is an attraction to the sweet
sorrow of “me and my problems”-what would
I do without them?
• There is always a price to be paid for the old
or new beliefs and it is helpful to know what
those costs are-so we do a cost benefit
analysis
• The new belief must be continuously repeated
when the old thoughts come up
Ten Ways to Test Your
Thoughts C-6
• Given that ferocity with which your
mind clings to its old beliefs, the mere
recognition that a belief is false is of
little use in trying to change the belief
• Recall that your mind thinks in
narratives or stories
(judgments/interpretations) and
challenging its belief is helpful in
releasing the story so you can change it
• Recall that your thoughts and stories
create your mood-reality itself has little
to do with it-happy stories result in
happy thoughts
10 Tests
• Unfortunately most people think
unhappy stories and get the resultant
unhappy feelings
• Almost 98% of daily thinking is
repetitive-meaning if you tell yourself
an unhappy story it will be endlessly
repeated in your mind-resulting in
depression
• The first test is to look at the most
common cognitive distortions -most
stories are filled with these and point to
the falsehood of particular beliefs
Cognitive Distortions
• Very Common distortions are fortune
telling-dealing with catastrophes that
have not happened and all or nothing
thinking- “I am a terrible lawyer”
rather than the more realistic “ I am
good at some things but not
everything”
• Test 2- examine the evidence -you
may have a story that is inconsistent
with reality “I am poor and therefore
will never have a good relationship” is
this a fact? Is there anyone you know
who is poor yet still has a good
relationship? Of course there are!!
Double Standard
• Many people are very forgiving of
others but not themselves
• You are not critical of your friends
since harsh messages rarely work-they
just make people feel worse. News
flash-they won’t work for you either!!
• A good test is –is this what I would say
to my best friend in this situation?
• Also some people believe that they
must be very hard on themselves or
they won’t achieve anything-their
motto is: the beatings will continue
until morale improves!
Experimental Technique
• This involves designing an
experiment to test a belief
• If you say “ I couldn’t survive a
dance lesson” take one and see if
you do-if you take the sad,
unhappy, defeatist story out of the
loop you usually can do it
• Thinking in shades of grey-this is
the opposite of all or nothing
thinking-for many people this is a
key mental habit to break out of
Grey Thinking
• Very few self judgments are black and
white-in reality almost everything is on
a scale, nothing is totally good or
totally bad
• Lawyers can lose sight of this in a
win/lose-guilty/not guiltysuccessful/unsuccessful world
• Survey method-this is simply checking
to see how many people hold your
view
• Example: if I make a mistake other
lawyers won’t respect me-ask around
and you will see this is not a view
supported by many people
Survey Method
• The reality is most people connect through
imperfection-if you ever actually achieved
perfection what is there to connect with?
• This can be used for self improvement –if you
ask several people about a presentation and
they say- it sucks big time- that feedback can
be used to fix it-it is however rarely used
• Many law firms consider themselves to be
outstanding, but when actual objective
surveys are done of client satisfaction most
law firms get disastrous results-some show
levels of under 5%!!-no retail business would
survive with those results
• Most people prefer their stories to reality
whether its good or bad!!
Define Terms
• This combats labeling-it is almost impossible
to define “losers” “fools” “jerks” etc.
• These labels when applied to people but are
useless abstractions-there is foolish behavior
but to apply that to a person in general
doesn’t work
• Semantic method: this is effective in ridding
you of should language. “Should language”
is subtle yet dangerous since it sets up
internal conflict-if someone tell you “you
should do X” your inner rebel will say no
way!!-this also happens internally making
you feel bad or rebellous
Semantics
• Much better to say “I chose to” or “I
chose not to” or “I could or It would be
preferable”
• External shoulds: “this plane shouldn’t
be late” this sets up non acceptance of
what is and results in useless stewing
• Re-attribution: this means not
automatically assuming you are the
cause of the problem and no one else
has anything to do with it; focus on
solving the problem rather than self
blame-blaming anyone including
yourself is useless
Cost Benefit Analysis
• Seeing the advantages and
disadvantages of a belief is
helpful due to the self honesty it
creates
Values that Work
C-7
• Your core beliefs or values are critical
to your happiness-some are likely
effective but others will be highly
detrimental to your mental health
• Some values that are quite popular are
very corrosive to your self esteem-for
example “winning at all costs” or being
competitive (I must be the best or I am
nothing) may work in sports but are a
disaster in life-Why?-Because they
guarantee most of your life will be a
failure-you can’t or won’t win all the
time and even if you do win the
Olympic gold medal, usually within
weeks someone else is faster or better
Values that Work
• Values that lack faith usually fail-for
example what is underneath
competitiveness is the belief that you
must push yourself and if you don’t
you will become passive and uselessyou have no faith in yourself, you have
no faith that you are good at some
things and you will be called to do
those things
• Perfectionism is another disastrous
belief system-there are many types, see
page 221
Values That Work
• A helpful value is one that
allows you to win at the game of
life-An unhelpful value pretty
much guarantees failure some or
all of the time
• What is helpful is to know your
own values-many people have
been force fed values that are
popular in the culture or in their
family but are not their values
• Many people focus on the values
they think they should have but
actually they don’t
Drilling down to your
core Values
• This process is described in C-7 and is
called the Vertical Arrow Techniqueanother way to do it is to complete the
self defeating belief scale
• Your values run your life –you will get
your values met consciously or
unconsciously and either productively
or unproductively
• Your values change little throughout
your life-what changes is the way in
which your values are manifested
Values
• Knowing your own core values is
critical, but it is actually somewhat
difficult to get at them-your “should”
values get in the way and your mind
confuses behaviors and underlying
values
• For example most people say “health is
a value” but the way they live their life
it is clear they don’t value their healthyour real values are those that are so
much a part of “you” they are not
obvious-also following your real values
is effortless and easy
Values
• In our society if something is effortless
and easy it is considered worthlessespecially if it is the way you earn a
living-work for most people means
doing something they dislike for
money
• In fact super successful people don’t
work at all-they do what they love,
they do what is consistent with their
values, what they are good at
• Many lawyers, however, insist on
suffering- by trying to succeed at
something they fundamentally don’t
want to do
Values
• This propensity to seek out suffering shows
that they value effort and hard work-nothing
wrong with that, of course, as long as it is in
the service of doing what you love
• Most happy people do what they enjoy and
thus don’t work in the conventional sense of
the word
• Also, many people are motivated by a story in
the head (assisted by the Media) to be the
person in their imaginary story (usually aided
and abetted by people around them) and
ignore their own values-many people ended
up as lawyers this way!!
Testing you Values
• It is useful to test your values to see if
the benefits actually outweigh the costs
• For example you could test a belief like
“I must have a special man/woman in
my life or I cannot be truly happy”many people believe this and it is
heavily pushed by the media-also
endless friends and dating services will
treat being single like it was a disease
• This belief then means you cannot be
happy until prince/princess charming
comes into your life and if they never
do (or until they do) you are doomed
Testing Values
• Another alternate belief is “ I
enjoy being single or in a
relationship as each situation has
its benefits and costs” this is a
belief you can win at (and has no
cognitive distortions)
• You can do this about beliefs
about the past “I have been
divorced twice so I am a failure at
relationships” is a sad story which
you could tell yourself over and
over causing endless misery
Testing Values
• Another, alternate belief is
“Relationships all end sooner or
later (some by death) and I will
enjoy them for as long as they last
and easily let them go when it is
time to end them”
• From these you can see how
critical it is to have value and
beliefs that allow to win at life!!
• What are you core values?
Pleasure Prediction
• Another useful tool is to accurately
asses what brings you joy or pleasuremost people have a story in their head
about what would make them happy
but when it is put to the test it simply
not true
• For example I used to think I enjoyed
golf but when I actually tested myself
after a game I find that it annoys me in
many ways (especially if I didn’t play
well) and just spoils a good walk in the
country with friends
• It is helpful to note whether he activity
is alone or with others and how much it
costs, if anything