How to Build, Manage and Promote Your Uniqueness and Value
Enter
Copyright © 2011 Ellen Looyen. Reproduction, transmission, or distribution of the material contained in this course is prohibited without the author’s prior written permission.
“Enhancing your true charisma is an “inside” job
and requires a serious commitment to your own
personal development and growth.”
Module 2: Be Your Brand
Do not underestimate the power of charisma in your life. Charisma is a personal magnetism that will give you –
and your personal brand – a distinct advantage over others.
Max Weber, the famous German sociologist, was the first to talk about “charisma” in nonreligious terms. He
identified charisma as the third form of authority, after law and tradition!
In Module 1: Build Your Brand, you learned how to articulate your brand promise. Now you are ready for
Module 2: Be Your Brand, in which you learn how to emulate your brand.
Module 1:
Build Your Brand
Module 2:
Be Your Brand
In Module 1, you learned
to articulate your
brand promise.
In Module 2, you will learn
to emulate your
brand promise.
Charisma, “The It Factor”
Many call charisma “The It Factor” – a quality that:
 Induces strong emotions in others
 Lets people know that they really matter
 Easily draws attention, trust and admiration
Charisma is an elusive thing for most people. It’s hard to define, but we know
“it” when we see “it.”
The moment you show up, you energetically broadcast your personal brand.
Signals you convey influence how others respond to you.
People size each other up based on:
facial expressions
posture, gait, stance
voice, tone
all‐around energy impact
When a charismatic person enters a room, people naturally gravitate to them
because charismatic people have a natural “presence” and personal magnetism.
What is Charisma?
We all know “It” when we see it…but what really is charisma?
How can we get charisma and use it effectively?
Are only a lucky few born with charisma, or can it be acquired?
Many call charisma the “It Factor”—that elusive quality that
induces strong emotion in others and lets people know
they really matter.
Charismatic Leaders easily attract supporters,
trust and admiration.
Charisma is an intangible energy that is
one of the most powerful forms of
persuasion and influence.
An Inside Job
David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. (in his book, “Power Versus Force”) says:
“In the company of a charismatic person,
we feel the effect of the powerful attractor energy patterns
that they’re aligned with and that they reflect.”
Charismatic people capture the imagination of others by being themselves,
because they’re extra-human, versus super-human.
Charismatic leaders
 Expect and give acceptance
 Encourage people to be more real and vulnerable
 Know how to relate very personally
 Treat everyone as equally important and valuable
Charisma is about becoming more of who you really are, instead of
trying to emulate the qualities you admire in someone else.
It’s an inside job that requires serious commitment
to your personal and professional development.
Charismatic People
From politics to entertainment, many people in public life possess charisma.
However, we will be studying charisma as it relates to effective leadership and professional development.
What makes them Charismatic?
Oprah Winfrey
connects emotionally
with millions
throughout the world,
as she and her team
of experts influenced
them to “Live their
best lives.” She has
encouraged millions
to read (“Oprah’s Book
Club”), and
she’s taught us to
“pay it forward”
(“Angel Network”).
Steve Jobs, a true
visionary, totally
transformed
technology, music and
communication. His
famous product
launches inspired
confidence and
customer loyalty; and
his magnetic
personality attracted a
world class team that
brought together the
best of technology
and marketing in a
revolutionary way.
Princess Diana used
charismatic influence
to end human
suffering (land mine
removal programs,
and loving support of
AIDS patients).
Feeling their pain
and suffering, she
related to all types of
people in an extrahuman way. And she
made British Royalty
more relevant to
modern times.
Martin Luther King Jr.
evoked powerful
imagery to influence a
Nation with his
eloquent “I Have a
Dream” speech. He
taught the benefits of
non-violent
opposition, which
gave AfricanAmericans equal
rights. In doing so, he
changed the world as
we knew it.
Adolf Hitler embodied
Charismatic Influence
Gone BAD. He preyed
upon people’s fears,
capturing the negative
imagination of an
entire Nation and
terrifying the rest of
the world. He used his
artful communication
skills to attract
enthusiastic support
for his vision of
Genocide (“ethnicallycleansing” Europe).
Can Charisma Be Taught?
Yes! Cultivating and projecting charisma can indeed be taught.
Charismatic people know that real success begins in their own minds:
 They are treated as visionaries and leaders because
they know how to consciously “manage”
their impact and effect on others.
 They expect and give acceptance and
relate personally to others.
 They treat others like they are the
most important people in the room.
The Charisma Pre-Challenge
Given the benefits of charisma for enhancing your personal brand, it’s important to learn
how charismatic you currently are.
The Charisma Pre‐Challenge is a survey consisting of 32 statements designed to give you
insight about your current level of charisma. Click the button below and the survey will open
in a new window.
The Charisma Pre-Challenge
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
A rtfully Communicate
Qualities and Skills to Develop
Look through your Charisma Pre-challenge
results to identify statements with low scores,
and compare those to the qualities associated
with The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence.
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
M aintain Presence
Click each of The 8 Elements at left for their
related qualities and skills.
Throughout this module, you will learn about
each of The 8 Elements of Charisma, and how
you can develop the qualities and skills from The
Charisma Pre-Challenge.
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
A rtfully Communicate
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
Qualities and Skills to Develop
To consciously manage your state of mind:
 Be aware or your innermost feelings.
 Quickly turn around negative thinking.
 Focus on positive experiences.
 Trust your own intuitive wisdom.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
Qualities and Skills to Develop
H ave Self-Awareness
To increase your self-awareness:
A rtfully Communicate
 Recognize how your feelings affect your
performance.
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
 Make others feel comfortable around you.
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
 Be aware of your impact on others.
 Match your non-verbal messages with your
verbal messages.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
A rtfully Communicate
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
S
Qualities and Skills to Develop
To artfully communicate:
 Quickly build meaningful rapport with others.
 Engage others with thought-provoking
questions.
nspire Confidence
 Tell compelling stories that illustrate your
value.
erve as a Leader
 Intentionally listen to others without having
pre-set expectations.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
A rtfully Communicate
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
Qualities and Skills to Develop
To radiate likeability and empathy:
 Be a friendly person.
 Appreciate others for who they are.
 Be curious about other people’s life
experiences.
 Take an active interest in the concerns of
others.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
Qualities and Skills to Develop
H ave Self-Awareness
To inspire confidence:
A rtfully Communicate
 Use your beliefs to support what you want to
accomplish.
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
 Understand your own capabilities.
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
 Manage your thinking in times of self-doubt.
 Reassure yourself when you feel insecure.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
A rtfully Communicate
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
Qualities and Skills to Develop
To serve as a leader:
 Develop others’ attraction to you.
 Look for possibilities where others see none.
 Inspire others to support your cause.
 Manage your own emotional responses.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
Qualities and Skills to Develop
H ave Self-Awareness
To maintain presence:
A rtfully Communicate
 Bring your “whole self” to the interactions
with others.
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
 Restrain your wandering mind while
interacting with others.
I
 Focus on what’s happening in the moment.
S
nspire Confidence
 Make others feel seen.
erve as a Leader
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence
Charismatic people employ 8 key elements to influence others and increase opportunities. You can learn to use
the same framework of qualities and skills to develop your own charismatic influence on the world around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
A rtfully Communicate
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
Qualities and Skills to Develop
To authentically project yourself:
 Expose your true feelings.
 Understand what energizes you.
 Know what depletes your energy.
 Act in alignment with your own values.
M aintain Presence
A uthentically Project Your True Self
Back to The 8 Elements
Charismatic Influence
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence interrelate and work together as an inter-woven web of attributes that
make up your Personal Brand. As you learn to incorporate The 8 Elements, you will enhance your charismatic
influence on the people around you.
C
onsciously Manage Your State of Mind
H ave Self-Awareness
C
A rtfully Communicate A
R adiate Likeability and Empathy
I
nspire Confidence
S
erve as a Leader
A
Charismatic
Influence
M
M aintain Presence
H
A
R
S
uthentically Project Your True Self
I
Charismatic Influence
The 8 Elements of Charismatic Influence interrelate and work together as an inter-woven web of attributes that
make up your Personal Brand. As you learn to incorporate The 8 Elements, you will enhance your charismatic
influence on the people around you.
Throughout the remainder of this module, you will learn how each of The
8 Elements of Charismatic Influence contribute to your charismatic
influence, and how all of the Elements relate to each other.
C
Clicking on the links along the way will allow you to to
see how the Elements relate to each other to form
an inter-connected web of charismatic influence.
A
H
Charismatic
Influence
M
R
S
Navigation Note:
If you like, you may click around to explore
The 8 Elements and learn how they interconnect.
A
I
Element 1: Consciously Manage
Your State of Mind
You energetically broadcast how you are feeling
within 7 seconds of entering a room, whether you are
consciously aware of it, or not.
An important key to managing your personal brand is
to manage the “impact” you have on people.
Therefore, Element 1 of Charismatic Influence
instructs you to:
Become conscious of your all-around
energetic presence by maintaining a
positive and “attractive” state of mind.
I am aware of my innermost thoughts.
I can quickly turn around my
negative thinking.
I focus on the positive experiences that
have helped me grow.
I trust my intuitive wisdom.
Your state of mind is a critical tool for success in both
business and life, as your thoughts and feelings
influence everything! When you manage your state of
mind, to project positive thoughts and exude
charisma in the moment, your calm confidence will
naturally attract people to you, and make them want
to work with you.
Your State of Mind
Your state of mind is really nothing more than “where
you’re at” in your head—your internal psychological
environment or your inner climate.
Your state of mind is instantly felt by others…
…and insecurity is a state of mind that is easily felt
and can negatively influence
any business interaction.
Managing your thinking and thus, your state of mind,
is one of the most powerful tools used by successful
business people.
Andrew Carnegie, the famous early 20th Century
Industrialist, once admitted that the most important
key to his success (and the most difficult skill for him
to develop) was the ability to control his own thinking.
You
are
her
e.
Thoughts, Feelings & Influence
Of all of your sources of influence, your state of mind is
the one instantly FELT by others; and it affects all other
sources of influence. Your thoughts are directly linked to
your moods and to the problems and stresses in your
life. Because your own thinking causes your feelings,
your feelings become a barometer, regarding how your
thoughts are being utilized.
55% Non-Verbal
Thoughts and feelings are expressed outwardly in
words, tone, and non-verbal cues.
I wasn’t tired of that project.
I wasn’t tired of that project.
I wasn’t tired of that project.
I wasn’t tired of that project.
I wasn’t tired of that project.
Becoming aware of your innermost thoughts is the first
way to turn around any negative thinking or insecurity.
By focusing your thinking on more positive experiences,
you will become more attractive to others.
7% Words
38% Voice Tone
In-the-Moment Thinking
Your feelings allow you to know the quality of your
state of mind in the moment; and the secret to
managing your state of mind lies in the moment.
When you are aware of your thoughts in the present
moment, you have the power to shift your negative
thinking towards more positive thoughts (that create
better feelings for you).
We are really not “victims of circumstance,” but rather
we are “victims” of our own thinking! When you
function more consciously and embrace and maintain
present moment awareness (Element 7: Maintain
Presence), you are much less likely to mindlessly
react to circumstances.
Confidence and insecurity are really just states of
mind that can both change in an instant!
Your own thinking shapes the way you see and
experience life; and your personal reality is actually
molded by your own thinking and state of mind.
“When you change the way you look at things, the
things you look at change.” --Wayne Dyer
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
now
Your happiness depends
much less on circumstances and
much more on your own thinking,
from moment-to-moment.
Calm Influence
When you are calm, centered, relaxed and truly living
in the moment, you have the most “attractive” state
of mind.
People feel your personal brand, and your state of
mind influence how others feel about you.
Your state of mind influences
how others experience your brand.
Intuitive wisdom is innate intelligence and knowing,
hidden only by fearful and misguided thinking. By
living in the moment and calming your fears and
insecurity, you will gain access to your higher wisdom
(or intuition) and enhance your influence.
When you are fully present with people and able to
express a total belief in your own value and abilities,
people will experience you as more confident and
much more comfortable to be around.
When you are calm, people will open up and share
more of themselves because of how comfortable your
state of mind makes them feel.
Calm Mind  Intuitive Wisdom
Calm Influence
Activity: Positive State of Mind
A positive state of mind is never created by the external circumstances of your life, but
external circumstances can be improved by positive thinking and a positive belief in yourself.
To see how this operates in your life, think about an area of your life where you are lacking
what you desire. What do you believe about why you don’t have what you want? When you
think about that aspect of your life, what do you tell yourself?
For example let’s say aren’t making the income you would like to, you might be thinking...
Element 2: Have Self-Awareness
Self‐awareness is the understanding of YOU…what you do
and why you do it.
I recognize how my feelings
affect my performance.
I make others comfortable
around me.
I am aware of my impact on
others.
My verbal messages match
my non‐verbal messages
"It is how you choose to see yourself, your character,
that can actually determine your fate.“
Erin Brockovich
According to Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
Expert and Author, self-awareness in combination with
good people skills translates into Emotional Intelligence.
Goleman’s Five Domains of Emotional Intelligence:
1. Knowing your emotions
2. Managing your own emotions
3. Motivating yourself
4. Recognizing and understanding other people’s
emotions
5. Managing relationships (and the emotions of others)
Emotional Awareness
Daniel Goleman’s analysis of 181 jobs, in 121
organizations, found that When you are self-aware,
you do not REACT…but rather OBSERVE the situation
objectively—leaving your own emotional reactivity
out of the observation.
Charismatic leaders know how to “get real” with
themselves, by knowing their own negative emotional
patterns and being able to instantly take control over
any reactivity they may be feeling in the moment from
uncomfortable emotional “triggers” (which are the
people and circumstances that really make people feel
out of control and overly reactive).
Emotional competencies were the best differentiators
between star performers and typical performers.
Impact Awareness
What I Say
“Emotional Intelligence is 2x more
important in contributing to excellence
than intellect and expertise alone.”
Daniel Goleman
Self-awareness gives people the ability to recognize how
their FEELINGS affect their performance. Emotional selfcontrol happens in the present moment; and “emotional
self-management” (as Goleman calls it) is the Hallmark of
a Charismatic Leader.
Emotional Self‐Awareness (Who you are)
+
Emotional Self‐Management (What you do)
=
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
When you have self-awareness and EI, you are
more conscious of your IMPACT on others and of
others’ perceptions of you. Charismatic Leaders
can sense and feel the emotions of others and
whether others are feeling comfortable around
them. And if they are not, they know how to make
the necessary adjustments to put people at ease.
Self-Observation
Charismatic leaders know that the way they do
everything matters…and control of their emotional
behavior, maintaining a positive state of mind and
having a sense of self-accountability are the things
that put other people at ease.
Tony Robbins says that, “The way you make people
feel influences their purchase decisions.” That’s
because people will never buy into an uncomfortable
situation.
When you have self-awareness, you can:
 Sense when others are not comfortable with
you (they might be feeling nervous, bored or
distracted).
 Get others to drop their guard by getting
curious about how they are feeling, and
why...and by doing so, you become
“disarming”…and that’s’ and important part of
Charismatic Leadership.
Instead of trying to get people to feel
comfortable around you, work on becoming a
person who’s comfortable to be with.
Activity: Dinner Party Observation
Picture yourself having dinner with someone you wish to influence about your value…
Get a clear picture of it in your head of the two of you at the table.
WHERE are YOU in the scenario?
Are seeing yourself from the inside out seated at the table?
- or Are you “observing” the scene from the outside in as a bystander?
You can gain more self-awareness when you become a neutral “observer” of yourself in all
situations…and learn what you can from each of them.
Element 3: Artfully Communicate
People want to experience a feeling before they listen to the facts…they need to like and trust you (in their
right Brain), before they want to engage with the tangible facts (in their left brain).
Remember from the “Build Your Brand” Module that:
1. All choices and buying decisions are first made EMOTIONALLY—we get a FEELING first, in the right brain.
2. Choices are JUSTIFIED logically in the left brain—we want the FACTS.
Left Brain: Rational, Logical
Right Brain: Creative, Emotional
I engage others with
thought provoking questions.
Tangible Benefits/Results
 Bulleted Facts
 Tangible Results
 Measurable Benefits
I tell compelling stories
that illustrate my value.
I intentionally listen to others
without pre‐set expectations.
I quickly build meaningful
rapport with others.
Feelings and Emotions
Facts and Feelings
People want to experience a feeling before they listen to the facts…they need to like and trust you (in their
right Brain), before they want to engage with the tangible facts (in their left brain).
Remember from the “Build Your Brand” Module that:
1. All choices and buying decisions are first made EMOTIONALLY—we get a FEELING first, in the right brain.
2. Choices are JUSTIFIED logically in the left brain—we want the FACTS.
Left Brain: Rational, Logical
Communicate FACTS
The left brain is logical,
wants tangible results
and benefits,
and always asks
“What’s in it for me?”
Right Brain: Creative, Emotional
Communicate to both
sides of the brain
Get very good at telling stories
that quickly illustrate the
VALUE of your personal brand.
Stories go directly to the right
brain’s feeling center and cause
people to like and to trust you!
Communicate FEELINGS
The right brain is emotional,
thinks in pictures and
is always in
the present moment.
Rapport Building
Mindful communication, in general, builds trust and rapport…it puts people at ease and they open up to you.
Story-telling puts the other person in the emotional position of feeling and sensing your value, because stories
go directly into the right brain—their feeling center. They feel what it would be like if you were able to deliver
to THEM, the same result you got for the person in your story. Your story increases their TRUST in your real
value…and thus, it also improves rapport.
To build meaningful rapport:
 Look for shared values
 Be disarming
 Be more interested (in others)
than interesting (to others)
To build trust:
 Become present
 Listen with an open mind
(without any judgment)
Facts
Charismatic Listening v.
Conventional Listening
Stories
“Truth is the best
rapport builder.”
Tony Robbins
Feelings
Trust
When you are truly present,
you do not compare what
someone is telling you
with what you already
think you know
about it!
Story-Telling
Remember the Sound Bites from the “Build Your Brand” module? Speaking in Sound Bites moves people to
action because they communicate to both sides of the brain.
Great story‐telling illustrates the value of your personal brand with emotion and logic. When someone asks
about what you do, share the experience of your value and the value of your experience in the form of a STORY.
Typical selling involves demonstrating
how your product or service
would solve a problem.
“Stories have huge value in
business because they look in
the right direction—at people.
You cannot tell a story
without characters and
emotion and sensory detail.
Stories capture us faster than
the most elaborately
produced annual report.”
Lovemarks: The Future Beyond Brand
By Kevin Roberts, CEO Worldwide
Saatchi & Saatchi
With story-telling you illustrate the
VALUE of the solutions you offer
through a real-life situation.
Instead of listing your
accomplishments, tell stories
that illustrate:
Stories of
Value &
Experience
Problem
 Value you have brought
to others
Value of
Solution
 The passion that guides
your work
Charismatic Listening
Charismatic listening is about being present and hearing something new, without any judgment or analysis. It’s
an inside job that empathetically echoes back to the other person, appealing to both their logic and emotion.
When you are listening
in the present moment,
others feel heard and seen.
Listening in the Moment
Bypassing our own busy thinking and listening to others with a sense of insatiable curiosity makes time stand
still. When we become present, we gain access into our own intuitive wisdom and important insights into the
other person’s version of reality.
When you can reflect back an “empathetic echo” of what’s in someone’s head, they feel as if they were really
heard and deeply valued by you. People can feel your presence and know when you’re really with them.
Likewise, they can also tell when you are not present or when you have “checked out” of the conversation.
The same things
that keep us from being
present and in the moment can
influence the quality of our listening:
 When you’re not present, people
feel disconnected.
Instead of TRYING to really
listen to someone…
 When you are present, you can learn
a lot about someone and gain a much
better understanding of their unique
personal reality.
…learn to recognize when
you’re NOT listening fully.
Activity: Listening Comparison
Take a look at the list of behaviors below and identify those you think would indicate that
someone is engaging in charismatic listening:
[worksheet based on p. 106 in BrandKit]
Did you see yourself in some of the behaviors just listed? If you think that you could improve
your ability to be present and truly listen to others, you will have a chance to explore that in
more detail within The Charisma Challenge (which can be found at the end of this section).
Element 4: Radiate Likeability & Empathy
Let’s face it…we tend to vote for, hire, promote, buy from and choose people we like, over those we do not.
From TV shows like “American Idol” to the Presidential elections, likeability really matters.
It’s no coincidence that we call people we like and feel good about “attractive”…most “attractive” people are
confident, positive, comfortable in their own skin, open, authentic and LIKEABLE.
And the most important component to likability is Empathy.
Empathy:
Being able to sense others feelings
and take an active interest in their concerns.
When people sense your empathy,
they are more likely to:
 Feel comfortable
 Open up to you
 Like you
 Want to do business with you
Four Keys to Likeability
Never underestimate the power of likeability…
Mark McCormack, agent for celebrity athletes, says, “We don’t always judge people on their performance,
instead, we judge performance based on how much we ‘like’ someone!”
According to Tim Sanders, author of “The Likeability Factor,” the Four Keys to Likeability are:
Friendliness:
Relevance:
Empathy:
Realness:
A feeling of liking for another person, enjoying their company
Pertinence or a connection to the matter at hand
The capacity to recognize and share feelings experienced by another person
Being yourself, instead of trying to be someone you’re not
If you possess all Four Keys, you’re much more likely to build instant trust and rapport with others.
Friendliness and Relevance
Friendliness and relevance are closely related to two other Elements of Charismatic Influence.
 Friendliness comes directly from your self-awareness. It’s about understanding your IMPACT on
others and making the necessary adjustments.
 People listen more effectively when your message is RELEVANT and of interest to them, so it’s
important to qualify people’s needs and to only express and communicate what is relevant to their
situation.
If you or what you have to offer isn’t relevant, there’s less chance of people taking the time to like you.
People tend to give their attention to those who “fit” into their world or who have a “solution” to offer.
Empathy
According to Daniel Goleman, empathy is sensing others’ feelings and perspectives and taking an active
interest in their concerns.
If you can, learn to appreciate all people for no special reason. Appreciate them just for who they are and the
qualities they have, because you CARE about them and want to support them in their endeavors.
The ability to feel empathy is directly related to your ability to acknowledge your own feelings, and be able to
identify them. Because if you haven’t felt these feelings yourself, it will be very difficult to understand how
someone else is feeling.
Warmth radiates from charismatic people who have an ease with themselves. It’s an energetic by-product of
empathy and compassion, and people can actually FEEL your warmth (or not).
Warmth
Charisma is a rare combination of strength and warmth.
Like empathy, warmth involves understanding the emotional state of an individual and seeing the best in them.
Charisma is about emotionally connecting in a way that people “get” you and maybe even see something of
themselves in you, too.
Warm people generate more emotional sensitivity towards others, manifesting as an energy of unconditional
acceptance, that feels very real, open, accessible and safe to be around.
Warm people feel:
authentic
present
extra-human
When feelings of warmth are created, people
naturally open up more; making it easier to build
immediate trust and rapport.
Body language has a lot to do with projecting
warmth; and a genuine smile and a positive intention
(communicated through your eyes) makes the
warmth believable.
And just like charisma, warmth can never be faked.
Activity: Likability Assessment
[Using the concepts from this element, create an assessment similar to the Self-Confidence
Assessment in the next element.]
Element 5: Inspire Confidence
Confident people inspire the confidence of others; and it’s impossible to be an
effective Leader without it. People feel your confidence (or your lack of it)!
You cannot fake confidence…real confidence comes from deep inside of you;
it’s a way of BEING versus something that you DO. All four of the previous
Elements build confidence; as it’s born out of self-awareness, realness,
personal appreciation and self-understanding.
Confidence is the #1 reason people choose or buy anything!
Attitude of Confidence
“The emotion of confidence is a powerful thing...
and people will do anything to avoid feelings of uncertainty or self-doubt.”
Tony Robbins, NLP Expert
When you are in a positive state of mind, you tend to project confidence. As a result,
you inspire others around you.
Self-confidence is an ATTITUDE which helps create a positive and realistic perception
of your self and your abilities. And it is shown by:
 High self-belief
 Assertiveness
 Optimism
 Independence
 Enthusiasm
 Trust
 Emotional Maturity
Even though confidence is based on how you see your own uniqueness and
intrinsic value as a person, confident people are not focused on themselves.
They are fully present and in the moment; and when you’re
doing business with them, you feel like you are their
most important client.
“Persistence in pursuing goals despite
obstacles and setbacks.”
Daniel Goleman
Confidence: A Deal Maker
Definition of Self‐Confidence: Sureness of one’s capabilities and self‐worth
(Source: Goleman)
Building competence, builds confidence…
The more faith you have in your capabilities, the more you will be seen as
confident. Being able to easily speak about your strengths and talents, will make
others more confident in you. “Tooting your own horn” is a necessary skill in life
(it’s important to understand your impact—and to know how loud and often you
should toot it)!
If you lack confidence and do not believe in yourself, how can you convince anyone
else of your value? You cannot affirm your uniqueness and value (the keys to
successful personal branding), if you don’t value yourself.
To gain more confidence:
1. Start out by setting small goals.
2. Achieve the small goals, one-by-one.
3. Gradually build up to bigger goals.
Layers of Confidence
Your verbal (and non-verbal) messages should reflect your own belief in what you do.
When you really believe in what you do and the value you offer, your inner beliefs and
self‐assuredness radiate through your non‐verbal messages.
Your Charismatic Personal Brand contains several layers of confidence:
What you say:
Your personal branding statement, sound bites, online
professional profile, and website copy can demonstrate your
self‐confidence in what you do and how it benefits others.
What others see: When you exude confidence and people compare what you do
to what you say, your self-confidence becomes an important
aspect of your Charismatic Personal Brand.
“The way you do one thing…
…is the way you do everything.” ~ Anon
Self-Esteem, Self-Doubt
Confidence as we learned earlier, is nothing more than a state-of-mind; and so is
self-doubt or insecurity.
Feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem
are driven by fear of:




FEAR
Not being good enough
Not being valued or wanted
Being worthless
Being insignificant
Your self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself.
Low self-esteem comes from the way we were treated in childhood or in important
relationships; and through emotional exploration, compassion and self-education,
we can heal the past and confidently move forward in life, leaving our
emotional “baggage” from the past in the past.
When you experience insecurity…
realize that it’s only a state of mind;
and you have bought into something
about yourself that is
not necessarily true.
Overcoming Insecurity
Confident people can accurately assess their capabilities
and they have a deep faith in the future .
Insecurity and self‐doubt are
the enemies of confidence.
Activity: Self-Confidence Assessment
Take a moment to think about how recent decisions you have made have been affected by
others’ charismatic impact on you.
Have you chosen to do business, or not do business with someone because of how they
made you feel?
Can you identify what they said or did, or more importantly how they made you feel at the
time that influenced your decision?
Keep those experiences in mind as you think about yourself and your business.
How do people typically react or respond to you?
How confidently do you articulate your value?
What aspects of your work do you feel completely confident about?
What aspects of your work do you feel less confident about?
What has gone into making you as valuable as you are, and how confidently do you
articulate your gifts and talents?
What do you do so naturally (drawing upon your years of experience), that appears
deceptively easy from another’s perspective?
These are the things you want to keep in mind as you work on articulating your brand.
Element 6: Serve as a Leader
Charismatic Leaders know how to effectively manage their impact on other people because they are extremely
sensitive, re: their own emotions and the emotions and reactions of others.
Charismatic Leaders possess a unique kind of people skills, which is more about having a “social sensitivity,”
giving them the ability to emotionally read most people and situations.
I manage my own emotional responses.
I can see possibilities where others do not.
CEOs and Presidents are
SEVEN times more likely
NOT to be emotionally reactive.
People are naturally attracted to me.
I am able to inspire others to support my cause.
People Skills
According to the Portland Business Journal,
people skills are often described as:
 understanding ourselves and
moderating our responses
 talking effectively and
EMPATHIZING accurately
 building relationships
of trust, respect and
productive interactions
Technical Competence
15%
People Skills
85%
“People skills explain 85% of why we get, keep
and move ahead in our careers; and only 15%
is due to technical competency.”
Empathy in Leadership
Charismatic Leaders are present and in the moment; and therefore they are extremely sensitive to their
surroundings. They know that if they’re not in present moment awareness with people, that they’re not really
in relationship with them.
Their so-called “people skills” come from their sensitivity to the emotions and needs of others. Charismatic
leaders are empathetic and they instantly FEEL important emotional info about someone and their situation.
The ability to feel empathy is directly
related to your ability to feel your own
feelings and be able to identify them.
Because if you haven’t felt these feelings
yourself, it will be very difficult to
understand how someone else is feeling.
Therefore, the Leader who experiences
the widest and most varied range of
emotions in themselves (both positive
and negative), is the one who is most
able to empathize with others from all
different walks of life. Emotions are the
SAME in all human beings; and deep
empathetic connection and emotional
understanding transcend all cultural
differences between people.
I understand why
you are feeling
this way.
I can see how my
comments must hae
made you feel.
Emotions in Charge
Daniel Goleman, PhD, analyzed 181 jobs in 121 organizations and found that emotional competencies were the
best differentiators between star performers and typical performers.
Emotions have the potential to get in the way of business relationships…and those who recognize the wounds
and effect of their unhealed emotional “baggage” will no doubt make the most effective leaders.
Am I a Leader “in charge”…
…or am I carrying a past “emotional charge” waiting for an
emotional drama to be triggered?
Daniel Goleman claims that
Emotional Intelligence is 2x more important
in contributing to excellence than
intellect and expertise alone!
Emotional Intelligence: The ability to evaluate
and manage your own emotions, and the
emotions of the people around you.
In Charge of Emotions
As adults, we have all developed elaborate defense mechanisms (in an attempt to block the pain from the
unmet needs of our childhood).
Charismatic Leaders are in touch with their own feelings; and they have resolved most of their past negative
emotional patterns within themselves. When the present moment is being interrupted by a past and painful
memory, Charismatic Leader know they are being “emotionally triggered” or a “button is being pushed” and
they have a CHOICE of how to RESPOND (versus unconsciously REACTING defensively).
Charismatic leaders embrace their own emotional
challenges as the raw material required to reach
their highest potential as leaders. They see
challenging people and experiences as an
opportunity for more emotional growth.
People are attracted by your emotional stability
and your genuine interest in others.
So, in every moment, we have the opportunity to
DETACH & OBSERVE and respond to life as it is
unfolding right now, in the present moment…
Unconscious Reaction
OR: We can REACT unconsciously through interpretations and beliefs based on our past painful experiences.
Charismatic Leaders are 7x more likely to respond appropriately, versus react defensively (as per Goleman’s
chart of competencies of Leaders).
When you are in a state of unconscious reaction, most likely, you are not fully present. When you function
more consciously and maintain present moment awareness, you are much less likely to react to uncomfortable
circumstances or difficult people.
When you react from your “blind spots” your own
thinking is working against you…when we are
caught up in our emotions, we do not see that
those emotions are really coming from our own
thoughts about the situation, versus the actual
situation, itself. It’s like looking through
eyeglasses with a scratch on the lenses; and
thinking the same scratch that we are seeing over
and over again in life, is reality (versus our own
defensive interpretation of reality).
You know you’re in a “blind spot” situation when:
 The same types of dramas are happening to
you, over and over again
 You’re thinking negatively
 People are responding negatively to you
Responsive
Reactive
Emotional Intelligence
Psychologists have found that self-control is strongly associated with what we label success: higher self-esteem,
better interpersonal skills, better emotional responses and, perhaps surprisingly, few drawbacks at even very
high levels of self-control (Tangney et al., 2004).
People who show the following EI Competencies became CEO’s or Presidents of companies:
Self Control
7x
Empathy
Teamwork
3x
2.5x
Self-Confidence
2x
Achievement Orientation
2x
Source: Daniel Goleman
Activity: Emotional Leadership
[Adapt this to have the students think of a situation that involved their boss, or their direct
reports, and then have them describe whether they were in charge of emotions, or their
emotions were in charge of them.)
Try out this quick experiment:
• Think of something very sad and notice how that thought makes you feel in the present
moment (Note: nothing has changed in your external circumstances—it’s just your thinking;
and it has the power to either taint or improve your experience of the present moment)
Were you in charge of your emotions? Were your emotions in charge of you? How could you
have respond differently to change the outcome?
• Now think of something happy, and notice the difference in the way you feel. Just one
thought, either way, can change your world for the better, or worse. Therefore, your better
life is just a thought away!
Were you in charge of your emotions? Were your emotions in charge of you? How could you
have respond differently to change the outcome?
Element 7: Maintain Presence
Charismatic people show up for life living in the moment and fully present.
Presence is a state of BEING, versus something that you DO. It’s about living in the here and now—without
obsessing about the future, or dwelling in the past. It’s about really “being” with yourself and other people,
without the distractions of a busy, worrying or critical mind. It’s about “stopping to really see and smell the
flowers.” Being present is not about feeling good or bad, but rather, it’s about feeling everything in general, in a
much more sensitive, non-judgmental and centered way.
Fully Present People See, Hear and Experience More
“We convince
by our presence.”
Walt Whitman
Charismatic leaders have presence because they have cultivated and expanded
awareness of their own emotions and those of others around them; and this opens
them up to having more authentic relationships. Because when you are fully present
and have quieted your own mind chatter, you FEEL and OBSERVE more of the world
around you; and it becomes much easier to connect authentically with others.
Personal Reality
We give our thoughts meaning—but it’s just made up meaning, seen through our own “scratched” and distorted
lens; and it’s often far from the truth of what’s really so.
The way you internally think about your life circumstances creates an energy force around you that influences
others. We give our thoughts meaning—but it’s just made up meaning. We see life through our own “scratched”
and distorted lens, and that lens is often not the truth.
In the moment, our emotions feel like the reality of the moment. If you’re focused on the past or on negative
circumstances that have held you back, you will project negative feelings and create a negative reality. This
projection will repel positive opportunities.
We generate our personal reality in our heads, and people use thought very
differently. Everyone is making up what they see, moment to
moment, based on their own separate realities. Fear, insecurity
and self‐doubt are merely symptoms of our state of mind…as
are confidence, security,
and happiness.
Fact:
Thepeacefulness
reason
forgieness is so
powerful is that the
act alone releases
negatie thinking,
gets you unstuck
from the past, and
brings you to a
Present Moment Awareness
Present Moment Awareness* is feeling complete and whole in the following ways:
 Physically Present
 Mentally Clear
 Emotionally Balanced
 Spiritually Connected
*Source: Michael Brown, Author of The Presence Process)
Present
Clear
Balanced
Connected
To the extent that you are fully present, you’re able
to take in your experiences on many levels.
This observing part of you allows you to observe
and let go of the habitual reactions of your
personality, that have kept you trapped for so long.
Wandering Minds
People who are not fully present find that their awareness is so completely taken up with their perpetually busy,
worrying or critical mind, that they do not experience themselves as separate from their endless inner dialog.
Three major things that keep us from being present and in the moment:
Busy Mind
Worrying Mind
Critical Mind
Typically, we are more inclined to a particular style of not being present.
Your mind races from one thought
to another—in a perpetual inner
dialogue of distraction from what
is really happening NOW,
in the present moment!
Your mind judges everything, comparing
one thing, person or experience to
another, keeping you stuck in the past
and drowning in your own limiting
judgments of the way you think things
are, versus the way they really are!
Your mind is focused on precisely
the things you do NOT want to
happen...and those negative
thoughts attract the things that
you’re worrying about!
Getting Fully Present
Your charismatic presence makes people feel seen and heard in a way that erases all thoughts of doubt and
uncertainty and creates instant trust and rapport .
When you are quiet, calm and present in your body, you become most attractive to others and can more easily
persuade or influence them. That’s because when you quiet your thinking, people can actually FEEL you and
the presence of your higher self’s innate wisdom, with them in the present moment…and that’s irresistible!
When you’re present, you gain access to your intuition, you feel
like you’re “in the flow” and things start happening effortlessly.
Six Practices for Becoming More Present
Where
ammy
I NOT
Am
I living
life
fully
fullypresent
present,in
life? me?
or is my
it living
Activity: Being Present
So what type of mindset keeps you from being present? And when does it take over?
Let’s try reflecting on what most often gets in the way of your being present:
Think of a time recently when it was important for you to be fully present and you found
yourself distracted. It might have been when you were having a conversation with your
colleague, or a family member or you might have been at a client’s office making a
presentation.
• What do you remember was going on in your head at the time?
• Were you making judgments?
• Worrying about what people were thinking?
• Were you thinking about all the other things you had to do that day?
• When did you use your own thoughts against yourself and how did it make you feel?
• What did you “hear” yourself saying?
• What was the emotion that came up?
•
Element 8: Authentically Project
Your True Self
A Charismatic Leader can authentically connect with
and inspire others because she has successfully
completed her own emotional work; and she no
longer need to hide behind a mask, pretending to be
some idealized version of herself.
I expose my
true feelings.
I know what
energizes me.
I know what
depletes my energy.
I act in alignment
with my values.
The mask develops from thinking you are not enough
just as you are…It comes from a lack of selfacceptance and a lack of self-appreciation.
When you are in your mask self, you are
focused on reacting, and thus
cut off from your own inner source of power.
Created in reaction to pain and rejection,
the false self or mask is designed to:
 Try to please
 Fend off
 Control others
Sense of Self-Protection
Most people have tried to protect themselves and control their lives by
putting on a false self or a “mask” between the outside world and their
inner vulnerability. We think it protects us from getting hurt (the way we
were as children, due to the “imperfect” parenting we all received); but
all it really does is cut us off from our own inner source of real power—
the authentic self-expression of our true self, out there and undefended.
“We live most of our lives in a state of defense, building walls
around our awareness as we attempt to keep ‘out there’
whatever we do not claim as part of ourselves.. On the one
hand, we push away awareness of our simple flawed humanity,
with its petty evils, frequent mistakes, common pain and intense
vulnerability. And on the other hand, we deny our deepest
spiritual core, where we are whole, magnificent expressions.”
SOURCE: “The Undefended Self” By Susan Thesenga
Having a mask that you think you need to constantly defend your own
value and acceptability, creates the constant fear of being inadequate (or
just not “perfect” enough)…and it certainly obliterates any feeling of
confidence (yours in yourself or others’ in you)…and confidence is the #1
reason people buy or choose anything. If we expect rejection or
disapproval being ourselves, we will continue to attract people that
confirm our worst fears about ourselves.
Removing the Mask
The danger of living with a false self or a mask, is that
you can always be triggered when your self-esteem
feels threatened:
 From a critical remark
 A cool reception
 An opposing opinion
These things can expose us and make us vulnerable to
buried pain from the past. And until the adult reexperiences and releases the original childhood hurts
(preferably with a trained professional therapist),
these painful wounds remain frozen in the personality
and continue to be re-enacted in our present-day
reality.
Vulnerability is
the power of no
protection.
A person’s willingness and preparedness to remove
their mask and to expose their true feelings,
vulnerabilities and thoughts makes them much more
influential as a Leader.
Activity: TBD
Identify the different roles you play at work.
• What are the characteristics of each of those roles?
• How do you choose which characteristics of the roles to use?
• What are the common characteristics of the roles?
• How do the common characteristics support your true self?
• How do you project your true self despite different characteristics?
TBD – transition to Challenge
The Charisma Challenge
Given the benefits of charisma for enhancing your personal brand, it’s important to learn how charismatic you
currently are.
The Charisma Pre‐Challenge is a survey consisting of 32 statements designed to give you insight about your
current level of charisma. Click the button below and the survey will open in a new window.
The Charisma Pre-Challenge
If you are unable to complete The Charisma Pre-Challenge online,
download this printable version of the Pre-Challenge (pdf).
TBD – Call to Action (conclusion)
Sources & Resources
http://www.businessballs.com/body-language.htm#body-language-signals-translation
Daniel Goleman:
•Five Domains of Emotional Intelligence
•Study of 181 jobs in 121 organizations in Working with Emotional Intelligence
Stanford Research Institute
“The Undefended Self” By:, Susan Thesenga; Publisher: Pathwork Press, 1994
As you learned in the Be Your Brand module, self-awareness and selfobservation are important to your personal brand advantage.
I appreciate you sharing some feedback on how well you feel you are
prepared to promote your brand with the concepts learned through
My Personal Brand Advantage.
Please take a few minutes to complete this brief survey and send it to
me attached to email.
