Tell it Like it Is:
Developing Effective Social Responses to Violence
Lulea, Sweden. January 17, 2012
Allan Wade, Ph.D.
Centre for Response-Based Practice
Duncan B.C. Canada
Centre for Response-Based Practice
• Family and individual therapy, supervision, specializing in violence
• Consultation with refuges, child protection, police, victim assistance
• “Islands of Safety”: Child protection for First Nations, Metis, Inuit peoples
• “Together for Justice”: Yukon Aboriginal women and R.C.M.P.
• Family law and domestic violence
• Analysis of professional reports
• Workplace training and intervention: Social responses to adversity
• Research on language and violence:
- Courts, professionals, media, therapeutic interviews
- Analysis of emergency protection order interviews
Linda Coates, Ph.D.
Dept. of Psychology
Okanagan College
Researcher, Activist
Horse and dog lover
Family Therapist
Mountaineer
Chess Master
Left Winger
Nick Todd
Near Calgary, Alberta
Cathy Richardson, Ph.D.
Metis Activist, Therapist
Dept. of Social Work
University of Victoria
Member, United Nations
Panel on Violence
Against Indigenous
Women
Astrid
Lindgren
Zora Neale Hurston
“I do not weep at the world. I am too
busy sharpening my oyster knife.”
“Sweat”
Neil Young
Daniel & Henrik
Sedin
Swedish Colleagues
Harry and Jocelyn Korman: SIKT, Malmo
Karen Thorslund: Private Practice, Gothenburg
Ann Hanbert: Therapist and Author, Gothenburg
Margareta Hyden: RIV Group, Linkoping, Social Work
Tapas Menu
17th Afternoon
Tell it Like it Is:
Developing Effective Social Responses to Violence and Adversity
18th Morning
Small Acts of Living:
From Treating Effects to Honouring Resistance
18th Afternoon
Drops of Longing:
Children’s Responses to Violence and Adversity
Order of items may vary depending on freshness and seasonal availability
Jen
Fran
Developing Response-Based Ideas in Practice
Resistance to violence and small affronts is ever-present
Perpetrators work to suppress victim resistance
Violence is deliberate and controlled (with rare exceptions)
Offenders are capable and already know how to be respectful
Violence is unilateral: Actions by one person/group against the will of another
This did not fit accepted views, discourses, methods: Raised questions
If victims resist, why are they represented as passive, submissive?
If violence is deliberate, why are offenders seen as out of control?
If violence is unilateral, why is it seen as mutual?
Analysis/research on language and violence
Refined interviewing methods and writing to reflect more accurate view
Tied language to social responses: Integrated in interviewing and analysis
Dignity
What is dignity?
Social life is organized largely around the according and preserving of dignity.
• Respect/worth: Self-respect & respect from others.
- “self-esteem” and “social esteem”
• Inclusion, belonging
• Autonomy, freedom to think and act and “be” (identity)
• Physical and psychological integrity (wholeness)
• The ability to care for others, especially loved ones
• A sense of efficacy, agency, the ability to “make a difference”
• An inherent quality of the person, in spiritual and human rights language
• Created or violated in social interaction
• Varies with culture and immediate social situations
Nelson Mandela
I learned my lesson one day from an unruly donkey. We had been taking turns
climbing up and down on its back and when my chance came I jumped on and
the donkey bolted into a nearby thorn bush. It bent its head, trying to unseat
me, which it did, but not before the thorns had pricked and scratched my face,
embarrassing me in front of my friends. Like the people of the East, Africans
have a highly developed sense of dignity, or what the Chinese call "face". I had
lost face among my friends. Even though it was a donkey that unseated me, I
learned that to humiliate another person is to make him suffer an unnecessarily
cruel fate. Even as a boy, I defeated my opponents without dishonouring them.
(1994, p. 11-12)
Dignity in social interaction
•
•
•
•
•
Courtesy, politeness, embedded commands
Deference to social station (e.g., elders, leaders/roles)
Responses to failed jokes
Micro-politics of the accidental fart
Advice-design and receipt
• Example: Kieran in hand-out package
Dignity
• Dignity is central to individual and collective well-being.
• Affronts to dignity create immediate social “problems” that participants
work to repair.
• Humiliation is intense and requires “redress” or “repair”. Failure to supply
“just redress” leaves an open social wound.
• For many victims, humiliation is the primary affront, the most lasting and
painful injury:
“The bruises go away but you never forget what he said to you.”
“He got my body but he didn’t get me.”
• Responses and resistance are often oriented to preserving, asserting dignity
• Recovery from violence is largely a struggle for dignity.
• Our central task, whatever else we do, is to acknowledge the dignity to the
victim
Social Responses
How do friends, family, authorities, media, pets, organizations respond to
interpersonal violence – to victims, offenders, children and others directly
involved?
How do victims and offenders respond to social responses, positive and
negative?
What information do we have on this subject?
How can this information be used to create positive and socially just social
responses?
How can this information be used to prevent and limit violence, promote full
recovery for victims, and provide effective sanctions for offenders?
Some Swedish Research on Social Responses
Ninni Carlsson: University of Gothenburg, Dept. of Social Work
- Changes in social responses in the 1980’s made it more possible for girls and
women to talk about experiences of sexual abuse and express open resistance.
Ulla-Carin Hedin: University of Gothenburg, Dept. of Social Work
- Social responses to whistleblowers
Margareta Hyden: Linkoping
- Victims and offenders social networks responses to wife-assault
Lucas Forsberg: Linkoping
- Men’s subjective experience of violence and responses to them by
authorities, friends and families.
Steig Larsson: Deceased
- The Man who Hated Women (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
Lisbeth Salander
Steig Larsson
Rainer Maria Rilke
First Duino Elegy
Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels’ heirarchies?
and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart
I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence.
For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to
endure,
and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
Every angel is terrifying.
And so I hold myself back and swallow the call-note of my dark sobbing.
Ah, whom can we ever turn to in our need?
Not angels, not humans, and already the knowing animals are aware
that we are not really at home in our interpreted world.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Some Research Results on Social Responses
A majority of victims of violence report receiving negative social responses.
What does “positive” and “negative” mean?
Examples: Wife-assault, child sexualized abuse, bullying
Friends, family, professionals, media
Marginalized, disadvantaged people are more likely to receive negative social
responses.
Examples: LGBTQ, Aboriginal, Refugee, Disabled, Poor
The quality of social responses may be the best single predictor of the level of
victim distress.
Victims’ Responses to Social Responses
Victims respond physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually to
positive and negative social responses
E.g., Epigenetic responses to social responses: Brenda Adams
Victims who receive POSITIVE social responses:
- tend to recover more quickly and fully
- are more likely to work with authorities
- are more likely to report violence in future
Victims who receive NEGATIVE social responses:
- less likely to cooperate with authorities
- less likely to disclose violence again
- more likely to experience distress
- more likely to receive diagnosis of mental disorder
Victim and Offender Responses to Social Responses
Victims and offenders are mindful of social responses
Victims:
Children/youth decide to tell, or not
Secrecy to avoid judgment, isolation
To keep children - knowing she will be blamed
Protect children from abuser - knowing he will be protected
Immediately during and after attacks (e.g., nightclub)
Offenders:
Isolation, secrecy, public appearances, surveillance
Threats for telling, in home, on body not face, sudden control
Excuses, justifications, denials, minimizing
Mutualizing, blaming victim
Social Conditions and Social Responses:
Understanding Offender Actions and Victim Responses/Resistance in Context
Social responses
actual and anticipated
Social Conditions
Offender
actions, strategies
Victim
responses, resistance
Criminal Harassment
3 yrs.
interrogation
surveillance
threats
stalking
“ tgthr”
tgthr
break
distance
break
Interaction of
Victim & Offender
Criminal Harassment
3 yrs.
interrogation
surveillance
stalking
threats
tgthr
tgthr
break
distance
police
break
prof.
assoc.
police
Interaction of
Victim & Offender
Social
Responses
police
police, crown
Victim and Offender Responses and Social Responses in Context
Individual
Collective
Responses
Violence
Adverse
Actions
Social situation
Social
Context,
Local
Conditions
Social
Responses
Victim
Offender
Responses
To
Social
Responses
Violence is Unilateral
• Violence consists of actions by one person against the will and
well being of another
• Mutual Acts vs. Unilateral Acts
• Hand-shaking vs. hand-shaking
• Boxing
• Kissing
• Mutual acts entail consent, co-action, co-agency
• Quote from anonymous Canadian genius
Unilateral
Mutual
• forced his mouth on hers
• kiss
• wife-assault, beating
• abusive relationships
• forced vaginal penetration
• sex, intercourse
• beating, attack, assault
• fight, conflict, argument
• workplace bullying
• personality conflict
• invasion, genocide
• war, conflict, historical
relationship problem
• international child rape
• sex tourist, sex with minors
Colonial Discourse
Colonization has always been based upon the existence of need and
dependency. Not all people are suitable for being colonized; only
those who feel this need are suitable. In almost all cases where
Europeans have founded colonies . . . we can say that they were
expected, and even desired in the unconscious of their subjects.
(Mannoni, 1947, cited in Macey)
Wife-Assault
The partners’ characteristics hold them together. . . . As abused
partners adapt and become more compliant . . . the partners’
characteristics make them increasingly dependent on one another.
After prolonged abuse they develop complementary characteristics:
aggressive/passive, demanding/compliant, blaming/accepting guilt.
(Anonymous Family Violence Project, 2008)
Wife-assault, Sexualized Assault: Judge’s Remarks
“The appellant & his wife engaged in an argument . . . . Mr. X
became upset over something said during this argument. He
thereupon grabbed his wife’s neck, squeezing it until she nearly lost
consciousness. He then let go. This brought the argument to an end.
That the earlier of the two assaults arose spontaneously in the course
of an argument is not in dispute. To that extent it can be said to have
been unpremeditated. He was willing to take counselling in
reference to his anger & his marital problems. He expressed his
deep remorse for what had happened & his desire to improve the
marriage. They went to bed and he said, ‘Jane, I’ll have to screw
you one more time’, and he had intercourse with her. . . . It is
obvious difficulties were present in the marriage.”
Assumed Equivalence in a Mutualizing Frame
(with apologies for the heteronormative pronouns)
he had sex with her
she had sex with him
they had sex together
he kissed her
she kissed him
they kissed
she was in a loving relationship
he was in a loving relationship
they jointly created a loving relationship
she was in an abusive relationship
he was in an abusive relationship
they jointly created an abusive relationship
Lulea Woman Charged with Illegal Money Sharing
Response-Based Wire Service
Lulea. Police arrested Tanya Jendersen yesterday for allegedly illegally
sharing money in the amount of $500,000.00, from the Bank of Lulea. The bank
clerk, who agreed to the transaction when a gun was pointed at her face, was
unhurt. “I’m just happy the incident is over”, said Kerri Lightly, who has
participated in three similar transactions in recent years. “I don’t know why these
customers choose me”, she said. The bank manager, Mr. R.E. Tentive, stressed that
Ms. Lightly would receive “psychiatric help to address her anxiety and ensure she
no longer attracts greedy customers.”
Tanya Jendersen was released on condition that she have no contact with bank
clerks and attends specialized treatment for “wealthophelia”, a congenital disorder,
more common in first degree biological relatives, characterized by the compulsive
pursuit of illegally obtained financial independence.
Mutualizing
• Obscures and reduces offender responsibility
• Is associated with reduced sentences
• Co-opts victim consent
• Portrays victim as co-agent, co-responsible
• Conceals victim resistance
• Blames, pathologizes victim
• Influences descriptions in diverse settings (e.g., courts)
Mutualizing Interventions
• workplace abuse
~
conflict resolution
• child/spouse abuse
~
mediation
• bullying
~
non-violent communication
• genocide
~
reconciliation
Jeremy
Mutualizing in responses to racism.
Sexualized Assault of Minor
Judge’s Remarks (2004)
In January of 1997, shortly after Hazel moved into this new “safe”
home, Gordon Hunter (foster parent) began to have sexual
intercourse with her. The first incident took place in a caravan
parked in front of the home, where Gordon was repairing a water
system and Hazel was watching him work. He began to kiss
Hazel, pushed her onto a bed in the trailer. He withdrew a
condom from his pocket and removed her clothing. He proceeded
to sexually assault Hazel, who was 11 years old, a peri-pubescent
girl. Notwithstanding the order to stay away from Hazel, the
accused continued to meet and sexually assault her until early in
1998. On at least one occasion the accused had sexual intercourse
with Hazel in a public park. The sexual relationship of Mr.
Hunter and Hazel was disclosed early in the proceedings.
Hazel
intercourse
sexual intercourse
sexual intercourse with her
began to have sexual intercourse with her
relationship
sexual relationship
the sexual relationship
the sexual relationship of Mr. Hunter and Hazel
the sexual relationship of Mr. Hunter and Hazel was disclosed
Macleans Magazine (2009): Priest sexually assaults three boys
In 1969, John Swales and his brothers attended a summer camp
for low income kids where they met a charming, larger than life
volunteer named Father Barry Glendinning. [T]he priest soon
became a surrogate big brother. He gained the trust of the boys’
parents, showered them with pizzas, movies and booze, and, when
opportunity knocked, introduced them to sex. John was 10 years
old when the first assault took place. “You name it, he did it,”
Swales says. “The impact is so intense and so deep-rooted it is
beyond my ability to express it. When you have sex at the age of
10 with your priest, it’s pretty weird.” John’s family won a
landmark $1.3-million judgment against Glendinning and the
London diocese, but not before a bitter court battle that dragged
on for years
Priest
sex
to sex
them to sex
introduced them to sex
when opportunity knocked, introduced them to sex
sex
have sex
have sex at the age of 10 with
you have sex at the age of 10 with your priest
when you have sex at the age of 10 with your priest its pretty weird
Kamloops man accused of procuring sex with child
Vancouver Province Newspaper 2009
A 33 year-old man who allegedly wanted to purchase sex from a
three-to-five-year-old girl remained in police custody Monday. The
man was arrested Saturday night at a home in Kamloops where he
went believing he was to meet a young child for sex. Police
received a report from a person who said they had received a text
message from the suspect. “The text allegedly asked the person to
provide the suspect with a three-to-five-year-old girl for sex, and
that he would pay for the service by way of a finder’s fee”, said Sgt.
Scott Wilson. The man was arrested for procuring for sexual
purposes under Sec. 212 of the Criminal Code. Wilson said the
suspect is known to police and was charged with a sexual-related
offence with a person under 12 years of age in 2008. He was
convicted of sex assault in 1999, police added.
Kamloops man
sex
sex from
sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl
purchase sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl
wanted to purchase sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl
sex
for sex
a young child for sex
meet a young child for sex
believing he was to meet a young child for sex
Kamloops man cont’d
sexual
sexual purposes
for sexual purposes
procuring for sexual purposes
the man was arrested for procuring for sexual purposes
Misrepresenting Intent:
Drawing Mental Inferences from Distorted Accounts
“wanted to purchase sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl”
“believing he was to meet a young child for sex”
“the man was arrested for procuring for sexual purposes”
Alternative: Re: Kamloops man
violate
violate a young child
abduct and violate a young child
planning to abduct and violate a young child
Intent: “planning to abduct and violate”
Colm O’Gorman
“Beyond Belief”
Colm O’Gorman
“The boy lies there, frozen. The covers move as the priest moves
over and brings his hand down. He starts to masturbate the boy, who
lies there motionless. And then in moments it is over. The confusion
and urgency of the sexual charge that took me over and blurred all
else has passed and there is only the shock and guilt of what has just
happened. I am dizzy and frightened.” (49-50)
“I felt so betrayed by my own body, which reacted to what was
happening. I was sickened that I could become aroused and
experience sexual pleasure at the same time as feeling terrified and
disgusted. (49)
Colm confronts the Priest
“’Father’, I say. ‘That can never happen again. It’s wrong’.
He [Fortune] nods his agreement but doesn’t say anything.
Instead he waits to hear what I will say next.
‘It shouldn’t have happened and I don’t know what to do. It’s so
very wrong. I feel sick.’
He finally speaks just as I feel I’m about to burst apart with guilt
and shame.
‘You’re right, of course you are right. It was wrong and must never
happen again. You must never do such a thing again.’” (p. 51)
Priest Springs the Trap
“Before long we were close to home, just minutes away. . . . Then he
[Fortune] cleared his throat and said, ‘I’m worried about you. You have
a problem.’ I froze and said nothing, too scared to speak.
‘I am a priest and I have a duty to do something about it’. My mind
raced, I didn’t know what he meant by ‘do something’. I didn’t have
time to think it through. We were moments away from home, from my
parents.
‘I could talk to your father . . . that might be best.’
I started to scream inside. Panic raced through me and the world started
to spin. I wanted to escape, jump from the car, anything to get away
from that awful moment. Anything to prevent what he said he might do.
My father . . . it would kill him to know what I’d done, what I was. He
would die from shame.”
The case of Colm O’Gorman
Victim and Offender Responses and Social Responses in Context
Individual
Collective
Responses
Violence
Adverse
Actions
Social situation
Social
Context,
Local
Conditions
Social
Responses
Victim
Offender
Responses
To
Social
Responses
Man Arrested in Frying Pan Dispute
Sydney
Things got too hot in the kitchen for Bill and Sue Smith yesterday, when
a disagreement over dinner turned violent. Sue was hit on the head with a
frying pan and went to hospital with minor injuries, after police and
paramedics attended the scene. While being lifted into the ambulance, she
exclaimed, “Being hit on the head with a frying pan is not what I call
cooking!”
Bill was arrested and released. He stated, “I feel very bad about what’s
happened. Cooking has always been a strain on our relationship. We come
home tired and hungry and just can’t communicate.” Bill was apparently
triggered by Sue’s basil cream sauce. “That’s no excuse”, said Bill, “I can’t
allow Sue’s cooking to affect me this way. I need to deal with my basil cream
sauce issues”. The couple will attend a new evidence-based, trauma-informed
program offered by the Not-So-Brief-or-Solution-Focused Therapy Institute,
for couples caught in the cycle of culinary conflict.
Developing Effective Social Responses to Violence
“A sense of the unique, specific and concrete circumstances of any situation is the
first indispensable step to solving the problems posed by that situation.”
(Former Co-President of Ireland, David Trimble, 1998)
The nature of violence and resistance in context.
The functional links between the different forms of violence.
War – rape – child abuse.
Colonialism – land theft – rape/wife-assault – child apprehension.
Concrete and accurate descriptions are essential in cases of violence.
Can be hard to obtain, due partly to the power of language.
Analysis of how violence, victims and offenders are portrayed in language.
Tomorrow: If we do not have a description of the victim’s responses and
resistance, we do not have a full description of the violence.
Tack!
Thank you!
The emotionally abused woman is a particular kind of woman, a
woman who has established a pattern of continually being
emotionally abused by those she is involved with, whether it be her
lover or husband, her boss, her friends, her parents, her children, or
her siblings. No matter how successful, how intelligent or how
attractive she is, she still feels “less than” other people. Despite
perhaps having taken assertive-training classes, she still feels afraid
to stand up for herself in her relationships and is still victimized by
her low self-esteem, her fear of authority figures, or her need to be
taken care of by others. She was emotionally abused as a child, but
she may or may not recognize how extensively this kind of
childhood continues to affect her life.
(Beverly Engel, 1990, p. 7)
The Jew is a particular kind of person, a person who has established
a pattern of continually being emotionally abused by those she is
involved with, whether it be her lover or husband, hr boss, her
friends, her parents, her children, or her siblings. No matter how
successful, how intelligent or how attractive she is, she still feels
“less than” other people. Despite perhaps having taken assertivetraining classes, she still feels afraid to stand up for herself in her
relationships and is still victimized by her low self-esteem, her fear
of authority figures, or her need to be taken care of by others. She
was emotionally abused as a child, but she may or may not
recognize how extensively this kind of childhood continues to affect
her life. (Beverly Engel, 1990, p. 7)
Social Responses to Offenders
• Swift and decisive social responses (E. Gondolf)
“The effectiveness of offender treatment depends in large part on the
system of which the treatment is a part.”
• Criminal Justice & Mental Health
Slow, non-enforcement
Dual charging
Mitigate offender responsibility
Men lacking skills and awareness, out of control
Specialized courts, services not available
Blame victim, stigmatize children
Section 15 reports
Examples of Resistance to Injustice (Groups of three)
One person shares an instance when they resisted control or oppression of
some kind, overtly or covertly, on behalf of themselves or someone else. The
second person obtains as much detail as possible about (a) the circumstances the
person is responding to, (b) responses of the person that can be seen as resistance
and (c) the real and possible social responses the person was aware of or could
have faced at the time.