Communications Styles
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Indiana University Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive, Aggressive Amy Hume Discussion Session #13 Communications Styles Goals for Today Understand different communication styles and how they affect others Practice recognizing and crafting messages in different styles Learn about assertiveness skills Communications Styles Have you ever dealt with a difficult person? Communications Styles It’s all about respect Passive No Respect for Self Assertive Aggressive Respect for Self & Others No Respect for Others Communications Styles How about…? Can’t speak up Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Assertive Aggressive Communications Styles How about…? Loud Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Assertive Aggressive Loud Communications Styles How about…? Firm Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Assertive Firm Aggressive Loud Communications Styles How about…? Don’t know my rights Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Can’t speak up Don’t know my rights Assertive Firm Aggressive Loud Communications Styles How about…? Direct Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Can’t speak up Firm Don’t know my rights Direct Aggressive Loud Communications Styles How about…? Bossy Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Communications Styles How about…? Honest Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Honest Communications Styles How about…? Pushy Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Honest Pushy Communications Styles How about…? Respect rights of others Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Honest Pushy Respect rights of others Communications Styles How about…? Get stepped on Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Respect rights of others Communications Styles How about…? Meek Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Communications Styles How about…? Dominating Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Communications Styles How about…? Intimidating Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Intimidating Communications Styles How about…? Too accommodating Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Too accommodating Intimidating Communications Styles How about…? Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Too accommodating Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Communications Styles How about…? Talks softly Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Too accommodating Talks softly Intimidating Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Communications Styles How about…? Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Intimidating Communications Styles How about…? Must get my way Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Intimidating Must get my way Communications Styles How about…? Gives “cold fish” handshakes Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Intimidating Must get my way Communications Styles How about…? Don’t stand up for my rights Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Intimidating Must get my way Communications Styles How about…? React instantly Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Communications Styles How about…? Avoid conflicts Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Communications Styles How about…? Confident Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Communications Styles How about…? Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Communications Styles How about…? Realize I have choices Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Avoid conflicts Confident Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Communications Styles How about…? Effective communicator Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Communications Styles How about…? People take advantage of me Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Communications Styles How about…? Can express my needs Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Communications Styles How about…? Can be abusive Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Communications Styles How about…? Vise-like handshake Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshake Communications Styles How about…? Make good eye contact Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Can express my needs Make good eye contact Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Can be abusive Vise-like handshakes Communications Styles How about…? I like to get even Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Can express my needs Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Make good eye contact Can be abusive Vise-like handshake I like to get even Communications Styles How about…? Speak with firm voice Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Can express my needs Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Make good eye contact Can be abusive Speak with firm voice Vise-like handshake I like to get even Communications Styles How about…? Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful Communications Styles Communication Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Can’t speak up Firm Loud Don’t know my rights Direct Bossy Get stepped on Honest Pushy Meek Respect rights of others Dominating Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected Violate others’ rights using power, position & language Too accommodating Talks softly Gives “cold fish” handshakes Don’t stand up for my rights Confident Avoid conflicts Effective communicator People take advantage of me Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful Realize I have choices Intimidating Must get my way React instantly Can express my needs Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone Make good eye contact Can be abusive Speak with firm voice Vise-like handshake I like to get even Communications Styles Passive Style: Summary Too intimidated to express thoughts and feelings Forfeits his/her rights or freedoms Gives in to demands so he/she will be accepted Avoid confrontation at any cost Often feels used and taken advantage of Driven by anxiety Communications Styles Assertive Style: Summary Recognizes and stands up for own rights while respecting the dignity of others Focuses on specific issues and problems, without belittling self or others Expresses opinion without violating others’ rights Minimizes opportunities to be taken advantage of by others Communications Styles Assertive Style: Summary Open, tolerant, and considerate of other’s feelings Can overcome fear to confront issues that require resolutions Can communicate feelings of anger diplomatically, without putting others on the defensive Communications Styles Aggressive Style: Summary Intimidates others to gain control of their thoughts and actions Manipulates, accuses, fights Little or no regard for other’s feelings Driven by anger Communications Styles Passive-aggressiveness Hostility expressed through inaction; inertia used as a weapon Silent treatment Dragging your feet Always being late Never saying what they want to do, then sulking about it Lame excuses Plausible deniability is key Communications Styles ROLE PLAY Scenario 1: Need two volunteers Scenario 2: Need three volunteers Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills Know your rights Say no and not feel guilty Change your mind about anything Take your time to form a response to a comment or question Ask for assistance with instructions or directions Ask for what you want Experience and express your feelings Feel positive about yourself under any conditions Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or guilty Own your opinions and convictions Protest unfair treatment or criticism Be recognized for your significant achievements and contributions From Davis, Eshelmann, and McKay (1988) Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills Know your rights Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation Be aware of these strategies Intimidation Content substitution Personal attacks (character assassination) Avoidance Communications Styles Assertiveness Skills Know your rights Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation Respond rather than react Exercise Communications Styles Your difficult person What communication style do they use? How does it make you feel? How will you change your reaction to them? Communications Styles Communication is two-way What questions do you have?? Communications Styles Evaluation Questions Use: A. B. C. D. E. Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree Don’t know #13 Tuesday, Sept. 28 I found the presentation of material easy to understand. 2. This Advantage session increased my knowledge on the subject presented. 3. I will be able to use some of the information from this Advantage session in the future. 4. The presenter was well prepared for this Advantage session. 5. This presentation should be repeated in future semesters. 1.
