Broken but Beautiful
by Rabbi Dovid Wachs
(Genesis: 48:13-14) And Yosef took them both, Ephraim in
his right hand ( opposite) the left of Yisroel ( Yaakov) and
Menashe in his left hand (opposite) the right of Yisroel and
he came close to him. And Yisroel (Yaakov) stretched out
his right hand and put it on the head of Ephraim, who was
the younger one, and his left hand, he put on the head of
Menashe; he switched his hands, for Menashe was the first
born.
Yosef had specifically placed his sons, Ephraim and Menashe in front of their
grandfather, Yaakov, with Ephraim on his left and Menashe on his right. This
way, Yaakov would place his right hand on the head of Menashe, the firstborn, as
the right hand signifies greater strength and influence and his left hand on the head
of Ephraim. Yaakov, however, crossed his arms to bless Ephraim, the younger
grandson, with his right hand. Why did Yaakov give the blessing to the younger
grandson? Hadn’t he learned from his life the mistake of favoring one son over
another?
Rashi explains that Yaakov knew in prophesy that that Joshua would descend from
Ephraim and therefore Ephraim deserved a stronger blessing.
A question frequently posed is why Yaakov didn't simply tell Yosef to situate the
boys differently without him having to cross his hands. One answer is that this
would then be obvious to Menashe and he could have been embarrassed, which is
what Yaakov was trying to avoid.
Another explanation is given by Rav Chaim Volozhin, of blessed memory. He
says that is human nature for people to focus on the weaknesses of another person
instead of their strengths. Our insecurities fuel this behavior as it makes us feel
better and more competent when we see another person's shortcomings. When we
directly face another person, our right side is opposite their left side, which alludes
to this idea. We use our stronger judging ability, which our right side symbolizes,
to maximize another person's weaknesses which his left side symbolizes, and use
our weaker judging ability to minimize another person's strengths.
Yaakov was in a sense, trying to teach his grandchildren that we need to overcome
this critical nature and instead use our strength to appreciate and acknowledge
another person's virtues and weaken our awareness of their faults. This would be
hinted at by Yaakov putting his right hand on the “stronger side,” ( where Ephraim
was standing) and the left hand on the weaker side ( where Menashe was standing)
It occurred to me that perhaps we can even go a step further. The reality is that we
do face another person with our strong side facing his weak side. Perhaps, we can
use our strength to see that another person's faults can be re-framed as virtues and
not weaknesses. Let's say for example that your friend is very laid back and not
good with time. It irritates you that you frequently have to wait for him. On the
other hand, aren't you happy that when you are late or careless, your friend doesn't
criticize you? Their being laid back can actually be strength as they are less prone
to anger and more accepting of your faults.
I once read the following beautiful story which illustrates this idea so well.
A water-bearer in India had two large water jugs, each hung on each end of a pole
which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the
other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the
long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half
full.
This went on for two years daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half
pots of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of his
accomplishments but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of his imperfection. One
day, the cracked pot spoke to the water-bearer by the stream and said, "I am
ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why? asked the water
bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "For these past two years, I have only been
able to deliver half of my load because of the crack in my side. Because of this
flaw, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your
efforts," the pot said.
The water-bearer felt sorry for the cracked pot, and said, "As we return to the
master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed,
as they went up the hill, the cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the
beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. The bearer
said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were only flowers on your side of the
path, but not on the other pot's side"? That's because I have always know about
your flaw and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the
path and every day while we walked back from the stream, you've watered them."
"For two years I have been able to pick those beautiful flowers to decorate my
master's table. Without you being just the way you are, my master would not have
this beauty to grace his house."
Isn't that just a beautiful story? Let us internalize this amazing lesson that we have
learned from Yaakov Aveinu which will undoubtedly increase our love and respect
for all those around us. And it will give us greater inner peace and happiness as we
train our hearts and mind to focus on other's strengths and not their weaknesses.
Have a Great Shabbos!