Strategic Communication for Results
Strategic Communication for Results
This binder belongs to:
Table of Contents
Overview
4
Difficult Conversations
11
Managing the “Facts”
19
Having a Listening Conversation
33
Handling Feelings
41
Identity
52
Culture and Communication
61
Leading a Learning Conversation
68
Appendix
74
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
3
Overview
4
Strategic Communication for Results
Getting things done at WHO increasingly requires collaboration with colleagues, managers,
direct reports, partners, donors, member states, civil society actors, and more. No matter
what role you play at WHO, you need and rely on others to help you achieve your mandate
and responsibilities. Given this interdependence, having effective interactions with others is
of central importance, especially when the stakes are high. These interactions occur through
conversation – and conversation requires communication. As such, it is no stretch to say that
your interpersonal communication skills are a key component of your success at WHO.
Everyone has embedded patterns and assumptions about how to communicate. When there
are mismatches in individual communication habits and expectations of how others should
communicate, the resulting interaction can shut down information flow, hamper creativity,
dampen morale and productivity, cause project delays or mistakes, and damage working
relationships. Such breakdowns lead to suboptimal outcomes – results that are not as
efficient, value-creative, relationship-enhancing, or sustainable as they could be.
This workshop will examine the underlying patterns common to interpersonal communication
breakdowns, and offer a framework, tools, and skills for handling difficult high-stakes
conversations more effectively, thereby enabling you to achieve better results. By the end of
this workshop, you will:
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Have increased self-awareness of your communication habits and your impact on others;
Learn a framework for diagnosing and better managing difficult conversations;
Have increased awareness of cross-cultural dynamics and their impacts on
communication;
Learn new methods and techniques for communicating effectively with others.
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Overview
5
Strategic Communication for Results
Workshop Objectives
 Increase your self-awareness of your communication habits
and your impact on others;
 Learn a framework for diagnosing and better managing
difficult conversations;
 Have increased awareness of cross-cultural dynamics and
their impacts on communication;
 Learn new methods and techniques for communicating
effectively with others.
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Overview
6
About The Bridgeway Group
The Bridgeway Group is a non-profit consulting firm based in Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA
that acts as an advisor and trainer for organizations and individuals on negotiation, conflict
management, communication and the management of strategic external and internal
relationships. We bring to clients pragmatic methods, tools and skill sets developed at the
Harvard Negotiation Project, our sister organization CMPartners and in our twenty years of
individual and collective practice. The Bridgeway Group’s activities integrate one or more of
three sets of activities:
 Training. Bridgeway implements single side and joint training for parties to conflict,
parties in post-conflict situations, and/or for the purposes of institutional capacity
building.
 Consulting and advisory work. The Bridgeway Group offers real-time advice on
significant issues for parties to conflict. We assist our clients in the preparation, conduct,
and review of critical negotiations, and we assist our clients in improving the process by
which different internal organizations or teams collaborate and manage their differences
toward a common goal.
 Third party convening. We facilitate the creation and management of on-the-ground
partnerships, collaborations, and relationship networks.
Bridgeway consultants have extensive experience both in the health sector and in UN agencies
and other international organizations. Bridgeway has worked with WHO for over 15 years to
design and develop training, coaching and facilitation programs for both WHO staff and
member state officials.
Overview
7
About the Consensus Building Institute
The Consensus Building Institute (CBI) improves the way that leaders collaborate to make
organizational decisions, achieve agreements, and manage multi-party conflicts and planning
efforts. A nationally and internationally recognized not-for-profit organization, we work with
public, private, multilateral and non-profit organizations and their stakeholders in the U.S.
and around the world. CBI provides:
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facilitation and mediation to resolve conflict and build consensus on public and
organizational issues;
training and organizational capacity building in negotiation and collaborative
leadership to the public, private, and non-profit sectors; and,
evaluative research on negotiation and consensus building practices in public and
organizational settings.
Since its inception, CBI has been providing a wide range of organizational services to
government agencies, private companies, and non-governmental organizations involved in
issues of public interest in New England, nationally, and internationally. CBI also plays a key
role in helping to build the intellectual capital in the fields of collaborative leadership,
negotiation and conflict resolution. Our contributions include Built to Win: Creating a World
Class Negotiating Organization (Harvard Business Press 2009), Breaking Robert’s Rules
(Oxford University Press 2006), the Workable Peace Curriculum Series (PON Books, 2008), the
award winning Consensus Building Handbook (Sage 1999) and Dealing with an Angry Public
(Free Press 1996).
Overview
8
Facilitator Bio: Stephan Sonnenberg
Consultant, Consensus Building Institute
As a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School and a Clinical Instructor with the Harvard Negotiation
and Mediation Clinical Program, Mr. Sonnenberg works with law students on applied dispute
management, conflict analysis, and negotiation curriculum design projects. In the past two years, he
has supervised a variety of conflict management efforts, including a project to explore the use of
consensus building techniques to help resolve environmental disputes in China, a partnership with
Hewlett Packard to design grievance mechanisms at two of its supplier factories in southern China, a
training for village elders negotiating with representatives of major multinational oil companies in the
Niger Delta, and a consultancy with a Boston area hospital to redesign its patient complaint response
procedure. Stephan also co-teaches the Negotiation Workshop at Harvard Law School, among other
courses.
Before accepting his current position, Mr. Sonnenberg worked primarily in the non-profit sector,
focusing on human rights, international development, and conflict resolution. He has lived and
worked in Northern Uganda and the Caucasus region of southern Russia, consulting for Amnesty
International, the International Rescue Committee, the International Council on Human Rights Policy,
the International Criminal Court in The Hague, and Physicians for Human Rights, among others. His
research focuses on ways in which alternative dispute resolution procedures can be used to prevent
mass atrocities.
Mr. Sonnenberg is a graduate of Harvard Law School, and the Fletcher School of Law and
Diplomacy. He also holds a degree in European Studies from the Institut d’Études Politiques in
Paris, and an undergraduate degree from Brown University.
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Overview
9
Facilitator Bio: Jim Tull
Senior Consultant, The Bridgeway Group
Jim Tull provides training and process assistance in the areas of negotiation, communication,
consensus building, mediation and dispute resolution. In the public sector, Mr. Tull has consulted
to the governments of Bolivia, Guyana, Venezuela and Colombia on their national conflicts. He
has advised and trained such diverse groups as OXFAM, Indonesia's Ministry of Trade, El Salvador's
Ministry of Education, and many of Canada's First Nations Communities including the Mi'Kmaq,
Samson Cree and Ermineskin Cree Nations. Mr. Tull has also worked extensively with the WHO,
WFP, FAO, IFAD, UNDP, OCHA and UNICEF branches of the United Nations.
In the private sector, Mr. Tull has designed and delivered training workshops throughout the world
for a wide range of companies and IFIs. Mr. Tull's teaching experience includes the Program on
Negotiation at Harvard Law School, Harvard Medical School, Harvard School of Education as well
as the Kennedy School of Government. Mr. Tull spent eight years working for Professor Roger
Fisher's Conflict Management Group (CMG). Prior to joining CMG, Mr. Tull spent several years
working as an International Partner for Habitat for Humanity in Central and South America. His
interest in negotiation theory was made very personal in Nicaragua when he was held hostage by
Recompa guerrillas and negotiated his own release, as well as that of his colleagues.
Mr. Tull received his BA with honors from Kenyon College, and his Master of Public Administration
from the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University.
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Overview
10
Difficult Conversations
11
Challenging Conversations:
Any Conversation We Find Difficult
Conversations that involve risk and uncertainty regarding individuals or issues
we care about – these can be external and internal to WHO.
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Dealing with people who have hidden agendas
Informing people that we made a mistake
Informing people that they made a mistake
Dealing with people who over-react to problems
Managing unrealistic expectations on deliverables, timetables, services
Dealing with people who abuse relationships
Disagreeing with people over the best solution for their needs
Telling your family you’ll be home late, again
Dealing with difficult behaviors: bullying; hyper-sensitivity; negativity; passiveaggressiveness; etc.
Delivering bad news: Illness; budget cutbacks; having to let someone go
Giving a performance evaluation to someone with an unrealistic sense of self
Requesting performance from someone who no longer cares
Managing organizational change
Negotiating with your manager for a raise, holiday leave, feedback, responsibility
Coaching someone to change their management or communication style
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
12
Typical Difficult Conversations
avoided or handled badly in my organization
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Peers
Direct Reports
Managers / supervisors
Donors
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
13
Difficult Conversations Make Communicating,
Problem Solving, Listening and Learning Harder
I should
deal
with this…
How will you retaliate?
I’m missing vital information!
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
14
The Internal Voice and the
G
A
Between Our Words and Our Thoughts
P
GAP
Have you lost
your MIND!?
That will never
work!
GREAT IDEA
BOSS!
Your mind
is where the real action is
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
15
Mind the
G
A
P
In General, Gap Size = Conversation Difficulty
GAP
GAP
Project status?
Hi, how’s it
going?
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Fine,
thanks.
I hate
you!
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
16
The Structure of Difficult Conversations
These conversations typically ask & answer 3 sets of (unhelpful) questions
1. Facts
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Who’s right?
Who’s to blame?
What’s motivating them?
2. Feelings

How do I avoid or vent the strong feelings I/they are
experiencing?
3. Identity

What might this conversation say about me as a colleague,
leader, team member, professional, friend?
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
17
My Difficult Conversation
What I was thinking and feeling…
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
What we each said…
Difficult Conversations: Awareness
18
Managing the “Facts”
19
Managing the “Facts”: Three Shifts
From…
…To:
Certainty
Shift
Curiosity
Blame
Shift
Joint Contribution
Their (bad)
intentions
Shift
Speak about impact
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
20
In Difficult Conversations, We Tend to Frame
the Operative Question as “Who is Right?”
I’m right.
No
you’re
not!
Difficult Conversations are not
about the “Facts”…
…Difficult Conversations are
about differences in how we see
and manage the “Facts”
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
21
A Key Communication Tool: The Ladder of Inference
A’s beliefs
and assumptions
The data A
selects
The situation:
The data of what
occurred
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
AD V 0 CATE
How A
interprets
the data
INQUIRE
A’s conclusions,
explanations,
evaluations, etc.
B’s beliefs
and assumptions
B’s conclusions,
explanations,
evaluations, etc.
How B
interprets
the data
The data B
selects
The situation:
The data of what
occurred
Managing the “Facts”
22
Shift #1: Toward Curiosity About Their Story
INQUIRY
ADVOCACY
Cultivate your curiosity
 The less you agree the more you should
understand
 Find respect for others even if not for their
arguments
 Inquire into the impact of your actions on others
Invite discussion
 Use “testable” advocacy
 Span your ladder: Share your data and reasoning
 Test their understanding as you go
Practice strategic listening
 Focus your internal voice
 Listen with heart and mind
 Listen to learn
 Test for their intentions
Earn the right to inquire
 Express and test your understanding
 Build on the aspects of their view that you share
 Be prepared to do what you ask of them
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Refer to impacts
 Share the impact of their actions on you
 Avoid inventing intentions
 Avoid declaring or acting on invented intentions
Probe complexity
 Use “AND”, not “but”
 Reframe certainty, blame, and intention
invention with the three shifts
Managing the “Facts”
23
My Difficult Conversation: Our Ladders
My conclusions
Their conclusions
How I interpret
the data
How they interpret
the data
My selected data
Their selected data
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
24
The Blame Frame
Whose Fault?
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Who gets
Punished?
Managing the “Facts”
25
Costs of the Blame Frame
The Blame Frame ignores system complexity
→ Actions result from a system of causes
Blame rarely addresses root causes or solves the problem
→ When systems are ignored, problems are misdiagnosed and “solutions” fail
Blame blocks learning
Blame damages relationships and sets parties
in opposition
→ No one wants to hold the blame
Blame triggers defensiveness
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
26
Shift #2: Toward Joint Contribution
My Contribution
How can we
correct/improve
the system?
Your Contribution
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
27
Shift #2: Toward Joint Contribution
Disabling Thinking
Preferred Thinking
This is their fault (or mine)
We have each contributed
to differing degrees (thus
we can help each other)
Accepting my
responsibility lets
others off the hook
Taking my appropriate
responsibility enables
others to do the same
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
28
My Difficult Conversation: Contributions
My contributions:
Their contributions:
Other parties’ contributions:
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
29
Shift #3: Speak to impact (Avoid Intention Invention)
Intentions matter, but are invisible. Because others’ intentions matter to us, we often
invent intentions
→ If their behavior harms us, then we assume their intentions were bad
Instead of inventing intentions: Recognize that intentions are complex
→ People act with good, bad, mixed, and no intentions
Share the impact of
their actions on us
→ “I don’t know if
you intended this, or
if you were even
aware of it, but
when you….”
Inquire into how our actions have impacted them
→ Be Aware: Good intentions do NOT erase bad impacts
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
30
My Difficult Conversation: Intentions & Impacts
My Intentions:
Their (possible) intentions:
(why I did X or Y)
(what I don’t know but might inquire into)
(Possible) impact on them:
Impact on me:
(what I don’t know but might inquire into)
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
31
Managing The “Facts” – Summary
Cultivate Curiosity about their view
→ Treat your perspective as legitimate but limited
→ Inquire into their data, reasoning, and interpretations to understand
→ Set your purpose as understanding why you see it differently
Acknowledge Contribution
→ Inquire into what you’ve each contributed to the problem
→ Think about how to change your own contribution
Focus on Impact
→ Speak to the impact of their actions on you or the team, not to their
intentions
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Managing the “Facts”
32
Having a Listening
Conversation
33
A Key Communication Tool: The Ladder of Inference
A’s beliefs
and assumptions
The data A
selects
The situation:
The data of what
occurred
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
AD V 0 CATE
How A
interprets
the data
INQUIRE
A’s conclusions,
explanations,
evaluations, etc.
B’s beliefs
and assumptions
B’s conclusions,
explanations,
evaluations, etc.
How B
interprets
the data
The data B
selects
The situation:
The data of what
occurred
Difficult Conversations: Listening
34
INQUIRY
Low
A
D
V
O
C
A
C
Y
High
High
Imposing
Mutual
Learning
Withdrawal
Easing In
Low
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Listening
35
Inquiry
Goals
To learn how others see things
To gain information which may be missing
To help others feel heard
Four Types of Inquiry
1. Yes/No questions: "Do you think the UN has done a
good job?”
2. Cross-examination: "Don't you think that...?”
3. Points of clarification: "What do you mean when you
say...?"
4. Open-ended questions: "Tell me more about your
view..." "What lead you to that..."
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Listening
36
Inquiry
(cont.)
The first two types of inquiry tend to close down
communication
The second two tend to open communication
What to Do:
• Ask open-ended questions and questions for
clarification
• Avoid "Don't you think...?" or "Isn't it true...?" questions
• Inquire to learn, not to persuade
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Listening
37
Openness
You are more likely to be OPEN if you:
• Assume there are gaps in your current understanding
Recognize your own:
–
Blind spots
–
Partisan Perceptions
• Are clear about ambivalence and confusion
–
Avoid simplifying the situation
– Don't manufacture certainty
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Listening
38
Empathy
Empathy for the views of others is essential to
understanding the situation
Keys to achieving an empathetic understanding include:
• Putting yourself in their shoes
– What's their history?
– How does it affect their views?
• Imagining how alternative versions of the story might
be told:
– How might the other side see the conflict?
– How might a third party?
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Listening
39
Understanding
CAUTION: Understanding Does Not Mean Agreement!
• Don't discard your current understanding -- hold it as a
hypothesis
• Through conversation, begin to build a new
understanding in light of what you learn.
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Difficult Conversations: Listening
40
Handling Feelings
41
Feelings are Varied and Complex
→ Let down
→ Troubled
→ Inspired
→ Provoked
→ Baffled
→ Pleased
→ Offended
→ Annoyed
→ Confident
→ Indignant
→ Disgruntled
→ Certain
→ Disturbed
→ Uneasy
→ Satisfied
→ Hesitant
→ Joyful
→ Proud
→ Happy
→ Anxious
→ Hopeful
→ Discouraged
→ Resentful
→ Hungry
→ Indifferent
→ Excited
→ Apathetic
→ Irritable
→ Validated
→ Ashamed
→ Encouraged
→ Courageous
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
42
Core Emotional Interests in Working Relationships
 Autonomy
 Affiliation
 Appreciation
 Role
 Status
When one or more of these goes unmet for an
individual on a team, in a manager-direct report
relationship, or some other working relationship,
expect negative emotional reactions
- Emotional interests from Beyond Reason by Fisher and Shapiro
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
43
The Brain Science Behind Feelings
“The Thinking Brain” versus “The Feeling Brain”
 Systems are in competition
 When we are emotionally triggered, activity
increases in amygdala (“feeling brain”) and
decreases in prefrontal cortex (“thinking brain”)
We all have “triggers” that stimulate brain response
 Triggers vary person to person
 When triggered, “feeling brain” releases cortisol
and adrenaline (fight, freeze, flight response)
The refractory period: “feeling brain” is in charge
 Watch for physical, cognitive, verbal signs
 A bad time to make decisions
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
44
A Common Coping Mechanism: Translations
Judgments
“that was unprofessional”
Blame
“how could she drop the
ball like this?”
Attributions
“why does he have to
Strong feelings often get translated into
more “acceptable” language in the
workplace
→ What is acceptable is not necessarily
what is helpful!
Tip #1: Avoid translating your own strong
feelings
control everything?”
Profanity
@#*&$!
Tip #2: Recognize others’ translations as
markers of underlying feelings
(silence)
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
45
Managing Your Own Strong Feelings
Pause and acknowledge
 How am I feeling now?
 How is this affecting my thoughts and actions?
Consider a variety of more helpful coping mechanisms “in the moment”:
 Breathe deeply
 Take a break
 Avoid making decisions while in refractory period
 Avoid translating your emotions
 Share / discuss what you are feeling
When not “in the moment,” consider:
 Preventing the creation of a trigger (remain open and curious about the
person or situation)
 Dismantling existing triggers (seek disconfirming data about the person or
situation)
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
46
Responding to Their Strong Feelings
First, don’t trigger them more:
What NOT To Say
“On another topic…”
 Avoiding or ignoring
“What did you expect?”
Belittling
“Calm down!”
 Telling them how to feel
“What you need to understand is…”
Educating
“It’s not so bad…”
 Minimizing
“Why don’t you just…?”
Problem-solving
“This is horrible!”
 Maximizing
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
47
Responding to Their Strong Feelings
Pause and acknowledge their presence
 Listen for translations; hear them as markers
for feelings
 Don’t let feelings “trump” decision making –
be prepared to address on their own merits
Consider:
 Suggesting a break
 Avoiding problem solving and decision-making
while they are in refractory period
 Listening & acknowledging (more on this…)
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© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
48
Responding to Their Strong Feelings
What else helps? EMPATHY
Empathy is a cluster of related skills:
 Listening
 Inquiring into story
 Inquiring into emotions
 Acknowledging story
 Acknowledging emotions
Empathizing does not mean AGREEING with them
Neurologically powerful – it jump starts activity in their prefrontal cortex
Efficient – 3-5 minutes of empathizing can get some past their refractory period
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
49
Empathy Skills
Listening:
 Engaged body language
 Tracking what they say (your questions
relate to what they have just said)
 Non-verbal cues and paraphrasing to
demonstrate listening
Inquiring into story
 “Tell me what happened.”
 “What has been hardest about the
situation?”
Inquiring into emotions
 “I imagine you’re angry / worried /
troubled ?”
 “If I were in your shoes, I might be
pretty upset. How are you feeling?”
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Acknowledging story
 “It sounds like a difficult
predicament…”
 “It makes sense that you wanted
this to turn out differently…”
Acknowledging emotions
 “I can understand why you would
feel that way…”
Handling Feelings
50
Handling Feelings – Summary
Feelings are integral to the workplace – it is normal to experience both strong
positive and strong negative feelings.
Our “feeling brain” takes over when we are emotionally triggered.
Avoid translations when you are triggered, and listen “through” their
translations to their underlying feelings.
Avoid triggering your counterpart further; use empathy skills to help them
through the refractory period.
Save problem solving and decision making for a time when neither party is
emotionally triggered.
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Handling Feelings
51
Identity
52
Our Identity Concerns
 Why is this conversation so difficult for us when others seem to handle it
easily?
 Why do we sometimes lose balance in the middle of these conversations?
 Why are we still dwelling on what happened a week/month/year/decade ago?
We all want to feel respected and appreciated
We all want to believe that we are not the kind of people who:
 Make stupid mistakes
 Need to be told about their mistakes
 Can be taken advantage of
 Take advantage of others
 Hurt others’ feelings
 Act irresponsibly or unethically
 Are bad spouses, partners, children…
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
53
“Loss of Face” – Identity Attacks Can Disable Us
Our internal voice hits FULL VOLUME
Our skills fail us
 Awareness shrinks
 Curiosity dies
 Inquiry stops
 Advocacy becomes shrill
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
54
Identity Threats: Common Coping Mechanism 1
We deny threatening information
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
55
Identify Threats: Common Coping Mechanism 2
We exaggerate threatening information
You made
a
mistake.
Mistake???
I’m worthless…
Worthless!!
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
56
A Better Approach to Managing Identity Threats:
Develop a Balanced Sense of Self
Cultivate a balanced self-image
 Mistakes and surprises offer learning and improvement
..
Balanced
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
57
Identity Quake Exercise
“If I know nothing else about myself, I know that I am a
__________________ person.”
Honest
Intelligent
Responsible
Loyal
Attentive to detail
Friendly
Ethical
Caring
Responsive
Open
Thorough
Generous
Inclusive
Expert on X
Fair
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
58
A Balanced Identity = Stability and Effectiveness
When Losing Our Balance, While Keeping Our Balance,
we tend to be
we tend to be
– Reactive
+ Purposeful
– Defensive
+ Proactive
– Overly aggressive
+ Assertive and open
– Overly passive
+ Comfortable
– Averse to learning
+ Adaptive and effective
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
59
The Bottom Line on Identity
Identity issues drive emotional reactions, which in turn twist our perceptions
of the “facts”
Prepare
 What will or could threaten our identity?
During the conversation
 Keep new information about ourselves in broader perspective
Make learning our first objective
 We can decide whether we agree later
Make continuous improvement – not perfection – our aim
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Identity
60
Culture and
Communication
61
Culture: A Working Definition
Culture is a set of shared and enduring
meanings, values, and beliefs that characterize
national, ethnic, or other groups and orient
their behavior. (Faure and Sjöstedt)
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Culture and Communication
62
10 Ways that Culture Affects Negotiation
J. Salacuse – Negotiation Journal July 1998
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Goal
Attitudes
Personal Styles
Communications
Time Sensitivity
Emotionalism
Agreement Form
Agreement Building
Team Organization
Risk Taking
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Contract-----Relationship
Win/lose----Win/Win
Informal----Formal
Direct----Indirect
High----Low
High----Low
Specific----General
Bottom Up----Top Down
One leader----Consensus
High----Low
Culture and Communication
63
The Impact of Culture on Communication
“Cultural influences have set up the assumptions
about the mind, the body, and the universe with
which we begin; pose the questions we ask;
influence the facts we seek; determine the
interpretation we give these facts; and direct
our reaction to these interpretations and
conclusions.”
-Gunner Myrdal – 1944
Culture affects how we perceive the “facts” (right/wrong,
blame, and peoples’ intentions); feelings (what triggers us);
and our sense of self (identity).
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Culture and Communication
64
Are we aware of how our culture affects our
strategic conversations?
Key question: what are the different cultural frames that?
Nationality
 Individualistic
 Collectivistic
 Time Sensitive
 High context
 Low context
In what ways does our organization affect our culture?
 Organizational culture
 Professional culture
 Team culture
What cross cultural communication skills do we need?
 Increased awareness of difference
 Effective active listening skills?
 Verbal and nonverbal communication
 ODIS (Observe, Describe, Interpret, Suspend)
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Culture and Communication
65
A Framework for Managing Cultural Difference
What Should I Know
About Culture?
Self and others, including orgs &
sub-groups
What’s My Cultural
Reflection?
Advanced Communication
Skills
Self/others

Examine your internal voice
for assumptions, conclusions,
judgments, values about how
it “should” be
O.D.I.S.
Reach Cultural
Understanding
(Effective, appropriate, adaptive)
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.

Maintain curiosity

Perceptions, not truth

Seek data, explore their
assumptions & reasoning

Avoid blame

Observe; Describe; Interpret;
Suspend Judgment
Culture and Communication
66
Cultural Understanding: The Goal
Cultural understanding is the ability to recognize a pattern of
learned, group-related perceptions – including both verbal and
nonverbal language, attitudes, values, beliefs and behaviors –
that are accepted and expected by a cultural identity group –
leading toward communication outcomes that are appropriate
and effective in a cross-cultural interaction
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Culture and Communication
67
Leading a Learning
Conversation
68
READY: Prepare using NEW Questions
Facts
 Curiosity: What’s my story? Theirs? My ladder? Theirs?
 What are each party’s contributions?
 What are the intentions? Impacts?
Feelings
 What feelings are involved for each of us?
 How are feelings translated and tangled with the “facts”?
 Should we discuss our feelings?
Identity
 What does this story say about my identity and who I want to be?
 How might others feel the story portrays them?
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Leading a Learning Conversation
69
READY: Know Your Purpose
?
Do NOT engage a difficult conversation until:
 You know your purpose, and
 You are prepared to lead a conversation that can
accomplish your purpose
Establish a forward-looking purpose
 “In order to…” not “because you…”
Dangerous purposes include
 Changing the other person
 Controlling them or their reaction
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Useful purposes include
 Learning their view
 Expressing your view clearly and
effectively
 Problem solving together
Leading a Learning Conversation
70
AIM: Build the “Third Story”
Every Difficult Conversation has three stories
1. My Story – how I see things
2. Your Story – how you see things
3. The “Third Story” – how an impartial observer or mediator might see things
Build a “Third Story” that describes the similarities and differences between
our individual stories
 Neutrally, as a mediator might
 So each party can agree on a shared problem description
 Give them an attractive role in the story, if you can
 Invite agreement, don’t impose it
 Set an agenda – jointly
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Leading a Learning Conversation
71
ACTION: Possible Openings for Difficult Conversations
Describe the differences in your stories
 “I like thinking out loud. You like reasoned statements that are fully
considered. How might we handle this difference?”
Invite them to join you in problem solving
 “I wonder if we can figure out a schedule that works for both of us.”
Offer them an attractive role
 “Can you help me understand…?”
 “I need your advice. What’s the best way to…?”
Describe the importance of the problem to you
 “It’s important to me to talk about what happened yesterday. I’d like to find
time to discuss it.”
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Leading a Learning Conversation
72
ACTION: On-line Skills in Difficult Conversations
Re-Frame your Thinking and Your
Words:
 From truth to perception
from “I’m right!” to “Here’s how I
see it… and you?”
 From blame to contribution
from “It’s your fault!” to “How
have we each contributed? How can
we change going forward?”
 From intent to impact
from “You tried to hurt me!” to
“Your action created a problem.”
 From accusations or judgments to
And, Re-Frame Their Statements:
Truth
Perceptions
Blame
Contribution
Intent
Impact
Attacks
Feelings
Balance Advocacy and Inquiry: Use The
Ladder and be persistent!
feelings
from “You are inconsiderate.” to “I
felt let down.”
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Leading a Learning Conversation
73
Appendix
74
Suggested Reading
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce
Patton, and Sheila Heen (1999)
Negotiating Globally by Jeanne M. Brett (2007)
Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro (2005)
Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead With Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman,
Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee (2002)
3D Negotiation: Powerful Tools to Change the Game in Your Most Important Deals by
David Lax and James Sebenius (2006)
Negotiation Genius by Deepak Malhortra and Max Bazerman (2007)
Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School by John
Medina (2008)
Global Negotiation: The New Rules by William Requejo and John Graham (2008)
The Power of a Positive No: Save the Deal Save the Relationship - And Still Say No by
William Ury (2007)
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Appendix
75
Conversation Journal
Conversation / role play:
Date:
Your Role:
Issues:
What did the other person do well, and that perhaps helped you both do well?
Be specific and concrete - identify their actions and words
What 2 or 3 things would you do differently next time – If you had to conduct the conversation
over again?
Other significant learning points:
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Appendix
76
Conversation Journal
Conversation / role play:
Date:
Your Role:
Issues:
What did the other person do well, and that perhaps helped you both do well?
Be specific and concrete - identify their actions and words
What 2 or 3 things would you do differently next time – If you had to conduct the conversation
over again?
Other significant learning points:
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Appendix
77
Conversation Journal
Conversation / role play:
Date:
Your Role:
Issues:
What did the other person do well, and that perhaps helped you both do well?
Be specific and concrete - identify their actions and words
What 2 or 3 things would you do differently next time – If you had to conduct the conversation
over again?
Other significant learning points:
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Appendix
78
Going Forward…
As you look through the binder and your notes we encourage you to identify
one specific thing you might “do differently”
For example:
 Use inquiry to walk down someone’s “ladder of inference” to their data
 Share the impact someone has had on me, and ask (rather than assume) what
their intentions were
 Empathize with someone who is emotionally triggered
 Ground my identity before my next difficult conversation
 Use a Strategic Communication preparation sheet
 Role play with a colleague before a high stakes conversation
 Maintain curiosity when I face a cultural misunderstanding
 Use the Journal to reflect on my next difficult conversation
 Prepare how to open the conversation using the “third story”
 Other?
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Appendix
79
Notes
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Appendix
80
Notes
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Appendix
81
Notes
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Appendix
82
Notes
© 2010 CBI and Bridgeway. All rights reserved.
Appendix
83