SAFE
PLACE
Creating a Safe Environment
Statement of Purpose:
• To foster, for all people, healthy, loving
relationships in the image of God
• To prevent unhealthy, negative, or harmful
relationships and boundary violations,
especially child abuse.
A safe environment
• Offers children and adults the opportunity to
grow in Catholic faith and experience
relationships that promote healthy
development of:
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Spirituality
Sexuality
Emotional growth
Intellectual growth
Physical growth
We establish safe
environments
for all by:
• Cultivating role- and age-appropriate
relationships.
• Maintaining healthy personal
boundaries.
• Creating structure to assure adult and youth
rights.
BOUNDARIES
What are Boundaries?
A boundary is a personal space that you keep between
yourself and others. It defines “where I end and you
begin.” Boundaries work in two ways: They allow things
in, and they keep things out. Boundaries are important
because they define areas of privacy. Initially, parents
help you begin setting your boundaries. Later, you take
a more active role in setting your boundaries.
External Boundaries
• Protect your body, keeping it safe and
healthy.
– Physical—Protect your body.
– Sexual—Protect your sexual body parts
and your sexuality.
Internal Boundaries
• Protect your thoughts and emotions.
– Emotional—Protect your feelings.
– Spiritual—Protect the deepest part of who
you are—your sense of hope, trust,
mystery, security, and spirituality.
The purpose of a relationship
determines its boundaries.
• Examples of relationships include:
– Parent/Child
– Brother/Sister
– Husband/Wife
Anyone charged with the care, education, and
protection of a child, youth, or other vulnerable
person is acting “in loco parentis.” (Defined by
Webster’s Dictionary as, “in the place of a
parent, or
of a parent’s authority.”)
Examples of such relationships include:
Teacher/Student
Coach/Athlete
Youth Minister/Youth
Adult Volunteer/Youth
Your Boundary Circle
YOU
It is important for people to know what you stand for. It is
equally important that they know what you won’t stand for.
Everyone you encounter fits somewhere in your boundary
circle. Strangers are the farthest outside, with casual
acquaintances next, friends next, good friends and than
family closest to you.
Where do the various people in your life fit within your
Boundary circle? Write their names in the appropriate
places.
What is Sex
Webster's - sex \’seks\ n (ME, fr. L sexus)
1: either of two divisions of organisms distinguished
respectively as male or female
2: The sum of structural, functional, and behavioral
peculiarities of living beings that serve reproduction
by two interacting parents and distinguish males and
females
3. a: Sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b:
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
Sexuality affects all aspects of the
human person, body and soul.
• It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity
to love and to procreate, and in a more
general way the aptitude for forming bonds
of communion with others.
• The sexual act must take place exclusively
within marriage.
Source: Catechism of the Catholic Church,
Second Edition, 1997.
The Different types of
Child Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Spiritual abuse
Emotional Grooming
• When someone manipulates another’s
emotions to skillfully gain control of that
person.
• Emotional grooming is used
to seduce, coerce, or “con”
others into sexual
activity.
Key Elements of the
Emotional Grooming Process
• False sense of trust—a groomer
convinces the victim that s/he is the only
person in the world to trust.
• Secrecy—groomers persuade
their victims to keep “our little
secret” hidden from others.
Language Cons
• Words and phrases – or “lines” – that
groomers use to trick and manipulate their
targets.
• Sometimes “lines” make a target feel special
or desired; other times they make a target
feel guilty or threatened.
• “Lines” may seem genuine or sincere at first,
but their real purpose is to control the target.
• Language cons are used to convince targets
to do things they shouldn’t do.
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Flattery
Bribery
Status
Jealousy and Possessiveness
Insecurity
Accusations
Intimidation
Anger
Control
Flattery
• Exaggerated and insincere comments said in
order to get something in return.
• Is often sexually suggestive or graphic.
• Is not the same as a compliment.
Bribery
• “Giving to get.”
• The groomer may give material things to his
target, but these “gifts” always have a string
attached.
• The target may believe that some sort of sexual
behavior is due to “pay back” the groomer for
the gifts.
Status
• The groomer uses what s/he has (possessions) or
who s/he is (image, popularity, or position) to lure
a target into a sexual relationship.
• The target may like hanging around with the
popular crowd and be convinced that sexual
activity is “owed” in return.
Other Forms of Status:
• Groomer uses his/her age to lure a younger
target.
• Younger targets seek status by pursuing
friendships with someone several years older.
• Some people think sexual activity will give
them status.
Jealousy and
Possessiveness
• A normal yet difficult human emotion.
• Only a grooming tactic when used to control or
manipulate someone else.
• Examples of manipulative jealousy:
– Telling someone how to dress, who to talk to,
where to go, etc.
– Treating someone as an object to own rather than a
person to relate to.
Insecurity
• A normal human emotion.
• It’s a grooming tactic only when it’s used to
manipulate someone else.
• The groomer uses insecurity to manipulate:
– May act insecure and ask for reassurance of the
target’s love and loyalty.
– May want pity and sympathy.
– May threaten self-harm.
The other misuse of insecurity:
• When the groomer attempts to magnify the
target’s insecurities or create new insecurities.
• The groomer hopes the target will feel so bad
that s/he will stay in a relationship with the
groomer and become more reluctant to open up
to others.
Accusations
• The groomer creates false or exaggerated
accusations to frighten, threaten, and ultimately
control the target.
• Frequently made in public places to humiliate or
intimidate others.
Intimidation—a powerful
form of manipulation
• Is not a normal human emotion and has no
place in healthy relationships.
• The groomer intimidates by frightening,
coercing, or threatening others into submission.
• Can be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of
both.
• Is always wrong and always manipulative.
Examples of verbal intimidation:
• The groomer may:
– Use vulgar sexual language in front of the
target.
– Make sexual noises or sounds.
– Use specific, graphic sexual descriptions of
what the groomer want to do to the target.
– Ask questions that are too personal or sexual
in nature.
Intimidating Physical Actions
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Looming over someone who is seated.
Standing too close.
Touching/grabbing self or others.
Using loud and controlling voice tones and language.
Staring at sexual body parts.
Hitting the palm of the hand forcefully.
Clothing that is too tight or too revealing.
Faking a punch.
Intimidating stances:
– Slouching over, holding their hands on their crotches, howling,
whistling making catcalls.
Anger
• Anger is a normal human emotion.
• It is only a grooming tactic when used to
manipulate others.
Control
• The ultimate goal of an
emotional groomer is to gain control of the
target and of the relationship.
• The groomer seeks to gain power or
dominance in the relationship by using any
or all of the grooming tactics.
Code of
conduct for
youth
Within the diocese of St. Petersburg,
Florida
The first premise of this code is that children and youth
functions expect best behaviors and expectations are
clearly defined. It is accepted that parents are the first and
foremost educators of their children in all aspects of their
development. This experience aims at developing upright
citizens and good Christians, following a new
commandment Jesus gave His disciples,”A new
commandment I give unto you that you love one another.”
John 13:34-35
In Timothy 4:12 we read “Let no one have contempt for
your youth, but set an example for those who believe, in
speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.”
Timothy is urged to rely on the gifts he has received from
God.
This code urges our children and youth to rely on God’s gift
to them, especially charity, chastity, and purity. This calls the
young person to acknowledge and promote one’s personal
dignity and the rights that go with it.
It becomes important for children and youth to know the
difference between “right” and “not right” relationships.
“Right” relationships foster personal, spiritual, and emotional
growth,e.g., the ability to communicate, to forgive, to show
affection, to be honest, vulnerable, dependable, etc. “Not
right” relationships become harmful and hurtful, and even
abusive.
Abuse occurs when someone does not respect another’s
boundaries, uses power, ticks, threats, or violence to cross
or change another’s boundaries, or inflicts hurtful or
unwanted behavior (physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual)
on another person.
This Code is used in conjunction with existing local or
diocesan policies, protocols or other codes and is not
intended to supercede them.
When engaging in formal and informal activities, functions,
and programs, children and youth are expected to behave
appropriately at all times, respecting the rights of others
Code of conduct
for children and youth
1. Christian behavior is
Expected at all times
2. Respect for individuals,
the community and facilities being
used is required
3. Cooperation and self-control
are necessary when participating
In programs and activities.
4. Dress must be in accord with
the activity and appropriate for a
Christian environment
5. Unacceptable behavior
and lack of cooperation will not be
tolerated, but will be
addressed appropriately.
Examples of unacceptable behavior
are as follows, though not limited to:
a. Disrespect for adults and peers
b. Use of vulgar language or gesture,
use of racial slurs.
c. Damaging of property
d. Fighting or intent to injure others
e. Constant disturbance of others at work or in an
activity
f. cheating
6. Possession of weapons,
possession, sale or use of alcohol
or drugs are forbidden
7. No child or youth has the right
to treat another in any manner that
Will cause physical or
emotional pain, Therefore
harassment
of any kind is Un-Christian
and unacceptable
8. Coercion or threats to do
Something physically hurtful or
for the purpose of exposing someone
or something about another is
Unacceptable behavior
9a. Chastity is a virtue to be held in
high esteem and promoted in practice.
Sexual abuse of any sort, coercing
a person to engage in sexual acts
against her or his will, physically
touching the sexual parts of
another’s body, treating a person like
a sexual object are unacceptable and
abusive behaviors.
9b. Consensual sex
Between students or
initiated by minors
to adults
must never occur
In Gratitude
• Bishop Robert N. Lynch, Bishop of St. Petersburg,
Br. John Cummings, FMS—Superintendent of
Catholic Schools, Mr. Brian Lemoi, Director of
Faith Formation and Br. Jerry Meegan, Director
for Youth Ministry gratefully acknowledge the
work of the following professional staff member
of the Pastoral Center and Parishes and Schools of
the Diocese of St. Petersburg who developed this
Safe Environment Education Program.
In Gratitude
•
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Eileen Daly
Kathy Filippelli
Elizabeth Fulham
Ralph
Higginbotham
• Dr. Stuart Miller
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Dr. Jo Ann Quinn
Kay Rizzo
Sara Stranz
Anna Marie
Wright
• Cindy Yevich
SAFE
PLACE
Creating a Safe Environment