Addressing Kids' Inquiries Re: Accused Priest
SEC LISTSERV QUESTION:
This morning, an announcement was made regarding allegations of sexual abuse by one of the
priests in our diocese.
I had a question sent to me by one of our sisters who handles communication for the diocese in
regards to speaking to youth when there has been an accusation against church personnel,
especially since some of them may know the priest.
The following is her question:
"Has anything been done to help youth ministers when young people ask questions about sexual
abuse by church personnel? Please let me know if something exists, or perhaps you could
suggest to the national group you are part of that they create "talking points" for Youth
ministers."
Our VAC addresses the victims and their families; this would be for children and youth within
the parishes who may have questions or concerns. I would appreciate any material or
information you might have to address this matter.
Thank you,
Linda
Linda M. Dillen
Manager, Benefits/Safe Environment
Diocese of Stockton
1105 N. Lincoln St.
Stockton, CA 95203
(209) 466-0636 Ext 611
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Cincinnati, OH
St. Louis, MO
Paterson, NJ
St. Louis, MO
Grand Island, NE
Fresno, CA
Fall River, MA
Grand Island, NE
Fall River, MA
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Cincinnati, OH
In some cases, we use one of the local psychologists who has particular expertise in the treatment of the
sexual abuse of minors. Depending on the circumstances of the case, the psychologist meets with parents
and children, teachers, and/or youth ministers and helps put together a response plan. We don't have a
"one size fits all" but try to address each situation on its own merits.
I would be careful about having youth ministers who have no training in responding to the sexual abuse of
minors just having talking points. Youth ministers in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati have various levels of
training and certification. Some are truly professionals who are paid; some are parents who are trying to
help to the best of their abilities.
For example, I'm a CPA by training. One of my priest classmates is a social worker by training. If I had
to choose either him or me to speak with children about the sexual abuse of minors, I would choose him.
Hope this helps. I'll keep you and those affected in my prayers.
Fr. Joe Binzer in Cincinnati.
St. Louis, MO
I agree with Father Binzer completely. This is far too sensitive an issue to leave it to well-meaning but not
well-trained individuals.
Terry
Paterson, NJ
All:
I am new to the world of Youth Protection, and just joined the Diocese of Paterson in NJ. I have,
however, worked for many years addressing the issues of child abuse and domestic abuse. I agree with
Father's point entirely.
If you are not a trained and experienced professional in this domain, it is best not to provide any
counseling.
I would further suggest that you consider adopting the following model when dealing with these types of
issues:
Recognize:
addressed.
Be sure you are aware of the signs, the red flags, ect. That there is an issue to be
Respond:
Respond appropriately by acknowledging their concerns and showing your support.
Refer:
Either refer them directly or reach out to the professionals for help. This could be a
trained profession/counselor in this area at the Diocese, a professional from one of the Catholic Charities
agencies that may have expertise, the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that some dioceses have, or
one of the community Child advocacy agencies in your area.
You might consider these the new 3-R's...no longer Reading, Rriting and Rithmatic ...but now Recognize,
Respond, Refer.
Dennis P. Butler, SPHR
St. Louis, MO
I agree with Fr. Binzer. When the Gospel says "Feed the Hungry" it doesn't give cooking instructions. If
you need to know how to fix food, consult a cook. While some Youth Ministers may have the training
and experience to deal with this, others clearly may not.
Phil in St. Louis
Grand Island, NE
I am taking a little bit different read on your question. I am not sure that what your staff / volunteers are
asking for is really a crash course in psychotherapy or crisis intervention. As a clinical psychologist, I
agree with my colleagues that such interventions should be left to individuals who are specifically trained.
If crisis intervention or psychotherapy is what you are seeking, please do seek the assistance of a trained
professional. However, as I read your request I am hearing a request for how we can guide the adults who
have real relationships with the children / youth in their parish in how to communicate with them at this
time of crisis. I believe that communication is basic and essential to right relationships and that to keep
children safe and to help our church (and our world) heal we need to do what we can to help every adult
who is significant to a child model right relationships. That being said, this is my response:
Discussing the topic of abusive relationships and removal of clergy from ministry (or other adults from
their leadership role with children and youth) is a difficult topic. It would be so much easier to avoid
discussion - to "sweep the issue under the rug," or pretend there was no issue - so the fact that your staff
and volunteers recognize that communication needs to occur and are requesting guidance should be
commended.
I think that is wise to be prepared with some concrete examples that help guide significant adults in how
to communicate about the issue in a way that is appropriate to their relationship with the child(ren) / youth
(e.g. parent, teacher, minister, etc.). While we don't want to encourage our staff and volunteers to step out
of their role and into the role of therapist, we must encourage them to respond in a way appropriate to
their role. If we avoid our children's questions / concerns, or merely refer them to someone else, we give
them the message that the subject is taboo and we undo much of what we are trying to accomplish to keep
them safe. (Examples to get you started: A teacher may be encouraged to use children's inquiry as a
teachable moment to review SE concepts and safety plans; a youth minister or spiritual advisor may
respond with prayer; a parent may take the opportunity to remind their children how precious they are to
them and how they will do all they can to help them be safe and loved and respected.)
As far as talking points prepared at a national level, I think that there are some difficulties with such an
approach. Rather than a universal set of talking points, the best approach would be for the adults to
communicate with children / youth in the language that you are teaching them in their trainings. For
example, in our diocese we begin our SE education with children / youth by discussing the "rules" for
right relationships, signs that a relationship isn't right, and what to do if something isn't right. A youth
minister or religious educator in our diocese might be encouraged to respond to inquiries from youth as a
teachable moment to review our SE concepts:
Do you remember when we talked / learned about the rules for right relationships? What are some of
those rules? Does anyone remember what to do when you feel pressure to break the rules, or if you think
a relationship isn't right? What is happening right now is that someone who was concerned did just what
we asked them to do. They told an adult in the Church that something wasn't right, and the adults and the
Church are doing what they can to figure out what happened and how to keep everyone safe. If you are
concerned about what's happening tell a trusted adult. They will talk to you or find another adult who can
help.
Children don't need details about the abuse, that would be neither helpful nor appropriate; and inquiry or
comments about the details of abuse can be redirected as we would any discussion that may be disturbing
to others, resembles gossip, or violates another's right to privacy and respect. Children who persist in
wanting to discuss details should be given an opportunity to talk with a professional and parents should be
included in this referral. Staff and volunteers should be reminded to be observant of signs of distress in
children / youth and make appropriate referrals.
I firmly believe that we need to find a way for all adults who have significant relationships with children
to respond and communicate regarding this issue or we will be facing the same struggles in the next 50
years that we have faced in the last.
Elizabeth A. Heidt Kozisek, Ph.D.
Fresno, CA
Thank you so very much, Elizabeth. I think your response beautifully articulates and affirms all adult
roles, and acknowledges that the specific circumstances and needs should be our guide to assess the best
means of providing professional care.
I agree that all adults must be prepared to respond according to their specific role and realize their
limitations. Silence and avoidance can be so harmful.
Teresa
Fall River, MA
I love your take on how to handle the situation and totally agree that it can and should be used as a
teaching moment for children. However, I also know that children often overhear things, and as they get a
little older, they not only hear gossip, but engage in it as well. I would also be concerned about how to
preserve a child's faith if/when the word gets out that a priest has been accused of abuse. We all know
how the earlier scandals impacted the faith of hundreds, so I believe that having some idea of how to
respond to a child who is questioning his or her faith in light of such accusations would also be something
we should consider. While there are no pat answers and certainly the questions will vary depending on the
situation, we (leaders, parents, caretakers, etc.) should have some idea of what to say so that we are not
struggling for answers if the situation arises out of the blue.
Having met you and knowing your level of expertise and commitment, I'd love to hear your ideas on this
piece of the puzzle.
Debora Jones
Grand Island, NE
Thanks for the vote of confidence. It would be great to hear the wisdom from our collective group on
this.
Here's a few random thoughts to provoke thought and stir up dialog....
1)
It seems to be helpful to be able to differentiate our failings as human beings from our role in the
Church. While we strive as leaders in the Church to follow Christ's example, as human beings we fall
short. Every person who serves in the Church is just that - a person, and their actions don't always
represent what God has in mind for us or what the Church teaches us.
2) Children, especially very young children tend to see things as very black and white. People are all
good or all bad, something is all right or all wrong. Anything we can do in this situation to introduce the
idea that we can have mixed feelings, good and bad qualities, exhibit positive and negative behavior can
help them preserve their faith in spite of the negative behavior of someone they held as a model of faith.
3) Abuse, whether it occurs in a church setting, at the hands of a model of faith, or in a completely
unrelated context; can impact children's spiritual development. Children may question, "If there is a God,
why did this happen;" or conclude, "God must not love me to let this happen to me;" " I am not deserving
of God's love;" etc. We can help preserve their faith by reinforcing the following: God's love for them is
unconditional; God does not desire for them to be hurt; Pain and suffering are the result of human beings
making bad choices with our free will; God does not desire for us to suffer, but will help us bring good
from our suffering
4) The supportive response we give as Church - all our efforts to model right relationships and to be
deliberately different from adults who may have harmed children- have tremendous power to overcome
the actions of one abusive adult - even if that adult is a leader in the Church
Beth Heidt Kozisek
Fall River, MA
Thank you for a very thoughtful response. I think those are excellent points to make and certainly good
things for us to hold onto as a community, in the event that we (in any capacity) are helping a child who
has experienced abuse or who hears about abuse by a member of the clergy. I have seen so many people
over the years who did conclude that God must have abandoned them because bad things, such as abuse
or violence, happened to them.
I also agree that I would appreciate hearing other thoughts on this topic. I know that we are not VACs and
I know that the first priority is to take care of a victim physically and emotionally, but spiritual healing is
also a key component of the healing process and one that I find people are often the least prepared to
facilitate. Many of us have or will be helping someone process abuse, whether in our roles in the church
or in the larger community, and I think these discussions are very helpful.
Debora Jones