Chapter 3
Social Connections
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Healthy Personal
Relationships
• Relationships are at the heart of human
experience
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Family
Community
Classmates, teammates, colleagues
Acquaintances, friends, intimate partners
• Relationships are fraught with difficulties
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Divorce
Single-parent and blended families
Living alone
Electronic connections
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A Healthy Sense of Self
• Relationships begin with who you are as an
individual and what you bring to the
relationship
• Examples of important attributes are:
– A reasonably high self-esteem
– A capacity for empathy
– The ability both to be alone and to be with others
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Friendships and Other
Kinds of Relationships
• Friendship is a reciprocal relationship based
on mutual liking and caring, respect and
trust, interest and companionship
– Considered longer-lasting and more stable
compared to romantic relationships
– Offers a psychological and emotional buffer
against stress, anxiety, and depression
• Networks that provide social support also
increase one’s sense of self-worth
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Strengths of Successful
Partnerships
• Intimate relationships have similarities to
friendships, but also other qualities
– More exclusive
– Deeper levels of connection and caring
– Sexual component
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Strengths of Successful
Partnerships
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Independence and maturity
Self-esteem and mutual respect
Good communication
Open expression of sexual affection and respect
Enjoy spending time together in leisure activities
Acknowledge strengths and failings
Assertive and flexible in wants and needs
Handle conflict constructively
Friends as well as lovers; unselfish caring
Good family and friend relationships
Shared spiritual values
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Attraction
• People seem to use a systematic screening
process when deciding if someone could be
a potential partner
• Factors that promote attraction are:
– Proximity or familiarity
– Physical attractiveness
– Similar characteristics, including values and
attitudes
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The Process of Finding a
Partner: Dating and More
• Indirectness is not an effective strategy
– People who are straightforward and respectful in
developing a relationship are more likely to get a
positive response
• Partners are often found through social
connections
• The Internet is playing a larger role
– Enlarges the pool of potential partners
– Online social networking
– Importance of caution: How much do you really
know about the person?
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What Is Love?
• Similarity theory is based on the concept
that we fall in love with people who are
similar to us in important ways
• Social exchange theory suggests that falling
in love and choosing a partner are based on
the exchange of “commodities’”
– Love, status, property, services
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The Course of Love
• Beginning stages of falling in love can feel
like a roller coaster
– “Lovesick”
• Increased levels of dopamine
– Arousal of sympathetic nervous system
• Subsides as lovers become habituated to
each other
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Sternberg’s Love Triangle
• Sternberg’s theory: love has three
dimensions
– Intimacy, passion, and commitment
• Different combinations produce different
kinds of love
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Sternberg’s Love Triangle
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Nonverbal Behavior and
Metamessages
• Nonverbal communication includes facial
expressions, eye contact, gestures, body
position and movement, and spatial
behavior
• Nonverbal and verbal communication cues
make up the metamessage, or the
unspoken message you send or get when
communicating
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Building Communication
Skills
• When you speak, know your feelings, motives,
and intentions
• Use “I” statements
– “I feel…when you…” vs. “You make me feel…”
• As a listener, give the other person time and
space
• Good communication skills help make conflict
constructive
• Assertiveness: speaking up for yourself without
violating someone else’s rights
• Gender differences in communication patterns
can significantly impact relationships
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Gender Differences in
Communication
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Sex and Gender
• Sex is a person’s biological status as a male
or female
• Intersex is a condition in which the genitals
are ambiguous at birth
• Gender refers to masculine or feminine
behaviors and characteristics considered
appropriate in a particular culture
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Gender Roles and
Gender Identities
• Gender role is a set of behaviors and
activities a person engages in to conform to
society’s expectations
– Androgynous is the term applied to a person who
displays characteristics or performs tasks
traditionally associated with both sexes
• Gender identity is an internal sense of being
male or female
• Gender dysphoria: individuals who
experience discomfort with their sex
– Transgender: having a sense of identity as a male
or female that conflicts with one’s biological sex
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Sexual Orientation
• Sexual orientation refers to the emotional,
romantic, and sexual attraction to a member
of the same sex, the other sex, or both
– Exists along a continuum
• Influenced by a complex interaction of biological,
psychological, and societal factors
– Heterosexuality: emotional and sexual attraction
to members of the other sex
– Homosexuality: emotional and sexual attraction to
members of the same sex
– Bisexuality: emotional and sexual attraction to
both sexes
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Committed Relationships
and Lifestyle Choices
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Marriage
Gay and lesbian partnerships
Cohabitation
Divorce
Blended families
Singlehood
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Marriage
• Both a legal union and a contract between
the couple and the state
• Age at first marriage has risen
• Benefits for both individual and society
• Important predictor of successful marriage:
positive reasons for getting married
• Characteristics of successful or unsuccessful
marriage typically present before marriage
• Men more likely to have a sexual affair;
women more likely to end a bad marriage by
having an affair
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Gay and Lesbian
Partnerships
• Same-sex couples have same desire for
intimacy, companionship, passion and
commitment in relationships
– Frequently have valuable relationship skills:
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Flexible role relationships
Ability to adapt to a partner
Ability to negotiate and share decision-making
Effective parenting skills
• Homophobia: irrational fear of homosexuality
and homosexuals
• Gay marriage hot political topic
– As of November 2013, legal in 14 states
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Cohabitation
• Cohabitation is when two people of the
opposite sex live together as unmarried
partners
– Increased tenfold since 1960s
– More than 60 percent of marriages preceded by
cohabiting relationship
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Divorce
• Forty to fifty percent of first marriages end in
divorce
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Challenges of married life
Insufficient problem-solving skills
Lack of commitment
Unrealistic expectations
Unsuitable choice of mate
• Leading cause of poverty
• Especially hard on children
– Best served by continuing contact with both
parents, as long as parents get along
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Divorce Rates by Ethnic Group
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Keeping Your Relationships
Strong and Vital
• Cohesion: the dynamic balance between
separateness and togetherness in both
couple and family relationships
• Relationships are strongest when there is a
balance between intimacy and autonomy
• Flexibility: the dynamic balance between
stability and change
• Communication is the tool that partners and
families use to adjust levels of cohesion or
flexibility when change is needed
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Communities
• Community: group of people connected in a
way that transcends casual attachment
– Typically, shared common goals and sense of
belonging
• Being active in a community is likely to have
a positive impact on health
• Positive relationships within a community
are essential to personal health and growth
– Improve self-esteem
– Improve social capital: sharing and exchanging of
resources
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Community Starts Within
• Fulfilling community participation requires an
understanding of your beliefs, and how you fit
into a particular community
• Value system: guidelines for how you want to
live your life; map that provides structure for
decision making
– Values: set of criteria for judging what is good and
bad that underlies moral principles and behavior
– Purpose
• Meaning in life comes from using one’s strengths to
serve a larger end
– Goals
• When you identify and pursue personal goals, you
take responsibility for yourself and your life
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Finding a Community That
Works for You
• Religious and spiritual communities
– Spirituality: experience of connection to self,
others, and community at large, providing sense
of purpose and meaning
– Spiritually connected people stay healthier and
live longer
– Spiritual connectedness is associated with high
levels of health-related quality of life
• Social activism and the global community
– Social causes can unite people from diverse
backgrounds for a common good
– Peace Corps; Habitat for Humanity; Greenpeace;
Clowns Without Borders; others?
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Finding a Community That
Works for You
• Volunteering
– People who give time, money, support to others
are likely to be more satisfied with their lives
– One-on-one contact and direct involvement are
key to positive effects
• Service learning
– Meant to teach how to take the risk of getting
involved in the lives of others
• The arts
– Embracing diverse cultures past and present;
expressing inner thoughts and feelings
• Internet communities
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