LO: TO IMPROVE MY
ABILITY TO WRITE A
TEXT RESPONSE.
Think carefully about what feedback
is specific to you.
SET UP 2 COLUMN NOTES
Notes from teacher...
My thoughts/response
THINGS DONE WELL :)
 Lots - yay!
 Everyone has picked up on the main ideas in the text and understands
that there are many reasons that led to the tragedy in Salem.
 There are quite a few who wrote about the paradox, and got it right!
This is quite a difficult concept
 Most people have improved their writing a lot since the start of the
year. Your not making so many of those annoying mistakes teachers
hate :)
GENERAL AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT
Detail: be specific about your ideas. Remember that
you need to make your analysis and interpretation
understood.
Evidence:You must use quotes to prove your point
Integration of quotes.: Introduce your quotes, put
them into context. Who says it? When? Why?
IDEAS THAT WERE A BIT VAGUE
 Your contention
 You need to build an argument throughout your essay
 Therefore your contention is the point that you are trying to make.
 For this question you could simply say:
 There are many factors that contributed to the tragedy in Salem these
being…
IDEAS THAT ARE A BIT VAGUE...
”The Theocracy was to blame" - what does this
actually mean in the relation to the text?
THE THEOCRACY
 Also the things to mention in terms of blame are:
 HYSTERIA
 PARANOIA
 What has caused this in town?
 How does this relate to the creation of the Theocracy?
WHAT UNDERLYING FACTORS
CONTRIBUTED TO THE FLAWS OF
THEOCRACY?
 How could you talk about hysteria?
 How could you include something about paranoia?
DANFORTH
 There are two things that you could discuss about him and both are
important what are they?
 The court system and the inability to provide evidence against
witchcraft
 Danforth’s own character and selfish need to uphold power
 Both could be discussed in their own paragraph
WRITING STUFF...
Synonyms.
Have you repeated the same words/phrases
through your whole essay.
Be prepared! Which words might be over used?
WORDS...
You are aiming for 800.
Estimate how much you generally write per
paragraph.
Are you going to have enough to write about?
INTRODUCTION
 The naivety of the community and the hypocrisy of the courts in Arthur
Millers ‘The Crucible’ allows Abigail Williams to take advantage of
Salem’s Theocracy, causing the death of multiple people. The theocratic
lifestyle of the town contradicts their very legal system and the bible.
This causes problems within their courts leaving them susceptible to
manipulation. Through Abigail's testimony she is able to exploit the
court, inciting paranoia and hysteria. As a result of this innocent people
are persecuted to the point of death and eventually resulting in the loss
and faith in the courts and the Theocracy.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE QUOTE
 You must talk about the quote from the question and how it is related
to your topic.
 In this case the quote acts as a warning that Rebecca Nurse gave the
town but nobody listened to her because they were so paranoid about
the influence of the devil.
GOOD PARAGRAPH ABOUT THE QUOTE
 In the beginning Rebecca Nurse tries to be the voice of reason.
Rebecca warns the town that ‘there is prodigious danger in the
seeking of loose spirits’. She tries to make the town see the
goodness in the girls and relates their behaviour to her knowledge
and experience of children's ‘silly seasons’. She tries to explain that
there is nothing to be worried about and there is not greater
meaning to their behaviour. However, she is not belived as the rest
of the town is on the hunt for witchcraft because that can be the
only explanation for this behaviour as they have brought them up
to be ‘good, pure Christians.
CONCLUSION
 How do you stop it from being boring without introducing new info?
Author's message:
Phrases:
From Proctor's sacrifice Miller's message is clear...
What the reader can learn from Proctor's
decision is that...
Miller wanted the audience to consider....
The warning to the reader is clear...
Miller wrote a tragedy because....
JUST TO CLARIFY....
 What is Miller's message????